What Does It Mean To Go Within? (Live: Replay No. 1)

So welcome everybody to the first live on Insight Timer.

My name's Philip Wade and tonight is the first of a series of streams covering various aspects of spiritual self-realization and this one I've called what does it mean to go within?

What does it mean to go within?

Because when this is understood then it can be a game changer in terms of your meditation and spiritual practice.

So as I was saying I think we've got quite a few more people on now so this is the first of a series of actually going to be 13 streams covering various aspects of spiritual self-realization.

I've actually entitled the entire series Nothing Special Enlightenment and this first one is called what does it really mean to go within?

Interestingly the title Nothing Special came to me in meditation to use for this and many other resources I'll be providing in the future and it's actually a quite an amusing pointing to the realization of the self which is no thing and ultimately when it's realized,

As it's realized,

You'll realize that there's never been a time where you were not this no thing or infinite silence as I most often refer to it or infinite awareness and that is the no thingness is infinite.

And the special,

There's a phrase in English for those of you from England,

We can think of it as nothing special.

You might say this or that is nothing special and in truth the realization of the self is like that it's like a great big oh my gosh moment I have always been that.

But it also could be reviewed as special in the sense of wow there's nothing greater in life than to be here in this form,

This body that you have to realize that.

And you don't have to believe anything I say about any aspect of spiritual self-realization because it actually recalls for the complete absence of belief and that's why the term realization is so important.

It's a realization and oh my gosh of something,

This awareness that has always been here.

So tonight I wanted in this precursor type stream from the main program which will begin in January on the 1st of January.

This tonight there's one in a week's time and then the major program starting on the 1st of January.

I wanted to use these first two streams to kind of set a tone and scene for what is to come and so hence the title what does it really mean to go within because you'll hear that phrase a great deal in spiritual circles.

But actually in my experience it's not necessarily completely understood and it can be taken to mean a direction and actually it isn't ultimately a direction it's a realization.

It's a directionless essence and what I've got you can probably see it just in the background to my side there on the opposite side of the candles is a fiber optic lamp and it turns out this fiber optic lamp is a really good metaphor for this that I'm talking about what does it mean to go in which is fundamental to your meditation practice your spiritual practice but it's also fundamental to the realization of the self.

It's a really really simple but powerful metaphor.

Interestingly it was actually my wife who came up with the metaphor sometime after the in fact no it was before the realization and I've used it ever since and added to it and developed it.

So what I want to do is now is explain that to you.

You can just about see on camera here the points of light on the fiber optic.

Now if you can for the purposes of this metaphor just imagine that you your body your body that which of you that you think of yourself is one of these points of light these blue points of light.

Now most of us most of the time spend our lives looking outward into the world in this direction outwards from the fiber optic filament outwards into the world and the world appears to be out there and indeed all the other points of light are all the other people on planet earth and that's just the people and there are about seven eight billion of us at the moment and when you look at life that way everything appears to be separate it appears to be separate from everything else you're separate from me the next person and so on.

And this sense of separation is actually at the fundamental flaw of why most people haven't yet realized the self because it's the belief in this separation this identity as the body mind that is in fact the fundamental block to the realization of the self.

In fact in truth it is the only block every other block experienced is simply a subset of it.

So when a spiritual guide or teacher or whatever you want to call that talks about going within using this metaphor what we're starting to it's starting to point to is actually rather than looking outwards so to speak is to start to connect as if one for instance is looking down the fiber optic filament rather than outwards so when you close your eyes and come into the meditative space our intention from the heart space is to start to look down this filament and what is eventually seen is that the mind is looking down and what is eventually seen is that actually at the bottom here where this light source is for all the filaments this is what I refer to and actually came to me in the first stage of the realization a way of referring to this is I call it spheres of light or simply spheres simply spheres.

The of light bit comes later as a useful part of this metaphor.

Now when you start to meditate and look within there are many names for this light within spiritual circles spheres of light is the one I use but it's also referred to as the pure state I am.

I am.

Now most people think that that's what the self is this state I am and this is actually not the case the I that we're referring to here in this I am is the purest form of I am and it's an infinite I not an individual I the I that we're most commonly using this I is an infinite I and am I am together equals beingness now this beingness is the pure universal beingness that is not personal in any way not this is very important not personal in any way and we can all sense this beingness and we might associate it with our body mind but actually this state I am this pure state I am this pure beingness has no personhood attached to it only when we add other words after I am say a man or a woman or a person with this job or this role then this brings in identification and therein is the problem of suffering because we start to move away from inside that which we truly are so one of the first and key steps in meditation is to become aware apart from the physical sensations in the body the emotions the feelings the thoughts the phenomena of this beingness this state I am and we can all sense it and I'm going to guide you into what I call the infinite silence meditation as part of this short live tonight to help you spot or sense or see so to speak this I amness it's actually very simple to do when you understand what it is that's being recognized by the way I should have said right at the outset and I forgot first one I've done on here Insight Timer as I'm sure you know is a donation based platform and I know that the donations support both Insight Timer and the guides on here so that's very much appreciated so I just would like to just add that before I go further because I forgot to do it earlier so coming back we're looking down the fiber opposite spheres of light pure state I am also known if you are in the Hindu tradition not that I am an advocate or any of that but actually it came to me as an insight this is also known as Hiranyagarbha and that may not be the correct pronunciation the golden egg of creation these are all the same thing from this thingness beingness form physical domain time space is birthed from this infinite I amness so we'll come on to recognizing that in a minute so this is our first key step apart from recognizing the body phenomena to recognize beingness and I'll give you an exercise to do that shortly now it's a mistake to think that that's it actually the mere fact that this state this I amness this beingness can be recognized can be sensed or witnessed a word a word I will use a lot over the next 13 streams means that there's a presence an awareness that is higher than even pure universal beingness and I'll refer to that as the silent witness recognizing this silent witness is a game changer as far as meditation is concerned more on that in a moment so as we begin to recognize that and it's being witness then we're starting to recognize a presence an awareness that is even before the state I am even before the state I am as universal and as infinite or touching the infinite that is what is that then well in this metaphor that would be the equivalent of what is driving the power the light here and that's that's the battery in this case except and this is where there's a slight flaw in the metaphor actually this power that drives beingness and then form the physical form is actually not just at the base it's actually everywhere all at once so if this was flooded 360 degrees in every direction this fiber optic lamp this source this power this infinite power this infinite power this infinite silence or infinite awareness is actually everywhere in this metaphor not just at the base obviously I can't have a physical battery everywhere but the universal power the universal source is everywhere and nowhere specific it is simply everywhere at once and it's the dissolution of this silent witness into the infinite pure awareness or infinite silence as it arose in the realization this was the term it chose for me to share with you infinite silence very important words infinite i.

E limitless in every conceivable way and silence a complete absence of phenomena no phenomena at all not even beingness and it is this infinite power of this infinite silence that gives birth to first beingness and then form and this is what's called the triality of consciousness and it has many names and I'm not schooled in any of the eastern traditions all of it was direct but you'll find in many spiritual traditions even in some religions a reference to the spiritual traditions in some religions are references to the trinity or the triality in this language I'm using tonight that's infinite silence spheres of light or pure state I am and form that's the triality and they are not separate they are not separate they are always one most of the time our attention is focused simply on this point this body mind and mostly what's going on up here but as we switch and open to awareness to go within into the inner infinite dimensions which is not a direction but a realization then we start to open to recognizing that actually all phenomena first beingness form space time and contrast you need contrast for experience all of that is appearing in front of so to speak this infinite I the infinite silence or the is-ness is-ness and is-ness it turns out comes before beingness before beingness it simply is that's it and it's aware of itself as this infinite field of awareness I will use the terms infinite silence and infinite awareness interchangeably just to help give you another points of entry so come into meditation then meditation ultimately is all about recognizing what's here now and that all of the phenomena in life starting with beingness form and then the experiences in space and time of the form are actually simply all appearances on another insight for you the green screen of consciousness consciousness I'm sure you've all heard of a green screen in movies you can put anything onto a green screen and consciousness is like that this whole reality that we experience in the physical domain is like one gigantic universal sized green screen in actually not just three dimensions in multiple dimensions green screen summer is like the green screen in movies in movies just to explain it if you're not familiar with it when they're trying to create special effects in fact we've just been watching harry potter my wife and I recently and you see them flying on broom sproom sticks and stuff playing quidditch the game in harry potter now they're not actually obviously doing that what they do to get that effect is somebody sat on a broomstick in front of a green screen and then the background is projected on afterwards so it looks like they're flying now consciousness is like that green screen on this green screen on this green screen in movies you can project anything and consciousness is like that and the whole of consciousness is like that green screen it's an appearance from this starting point of the infinite power and infinite field of awareness so hopefully that clarifies that for you summer but if you've got another question about that just pop it in the chat there and i'll keep an eye out so with our meditation to truly make meditation effective what we're looking to recognize is actually an awareness a presence this infinite silence or infinite awareness that has always always simply always been here it never went anywhere but because we're so identified with what's going on up here we miss the blindingly obvious this state of awareness and we're not this state of awareness this field of awareness that's simply observing witnessing all of the appearances in life so this fiber optic light you'll see you'll probably see me pick this up if you're following these next 13 streams a number of times over the uh coming uh weeks and months i think it goes through to the fifth february to keep reminding you that what we're looking to recognize and what you're looking for in life and everybody is looking for this is actually already here and it's actually everywhere and that we collectively are already this and it doesn't actually require you to believe anything i say or anybody else says about it it will simply one day be realized and the invitation of this life is to recognize and realize that this is what all the great sages have realized fortunately these days we stand on the shoulders of spiritual giants and that's created a vibrational field for which many more people more than you might possibly conceive of are beginning to have this realization emerge a lot more than perhaps at any time in human history by virtue of the process that has been ongoing for millennia so meditation begins as a practice something you physically sit down and do and do it appears to be a doing when you're first starting but it ends as a realization begins as a practice and ends as a realization and the realization is oh my gosh i infinite i not personal i in any way shape or form um that that being infinite awareness or infinite silence so the infinite silence meditation that i share with the world is a very simple meditation and we'll have a go at that in a short while is a game changer not because i say so but actually it emerged as part of the realization so and the clear pointing to share it this way and it will help people see realize and actually if you haven't spotted on my profile recently with the help of one of the people on here actually re-recorded that recently and created versions of it from 15 minutes through to one and a half hours the seven of them in total and the purpose of those is to sit alongside this program and you can start off at the 15 minute one and gradually work your way day by day for instance and gradually work your way day by day for instance or week by week or month by month or year by year through these meditations they are fundamentally the same but there is more and more gaps the first one number one is fully guided max guidance i think i've called it and the purpose of that although there's a lot of guidance in it relative to the whole meditation is to draw out a number of key pointings to begin to recognize everything i'm pointing at here but once you've kind of got used to that going to the 22 minute one pretty much seven minutes of silence in that app but spread across the points then to 30 minutes then to 40 then to 60 then to an hour and 15 and then to an hour and a half this way you'll become more familiar with the meditation and your ultimate aim is to actually be able to go there or be there without the aid of me guiding you all of everything i point out and share is about getting to the point where this can evolve within yourself because nobody and i mean nobody can give this to you and the reason for that is that what you are seeking what you're sitting down and meditating for ultimately is to realize that which is already here and that which you already are and you non-personally we collectively are this hopefully that's all making sense so far it's profoundly powerful and important stuff but this metaphor is a great visual example of exactly what we're talking about and that's what we're talking about and that's why i use it so i'm going to just pop this lamp down for a moment and what i'd like to just do now is walk you through i'm going to i'll repeat this in the program in different ways i wreck some recognition exercises to help open you up and then guide you into the meditation the infinite silence meditation and i will use that term in the meditation to refer to the infinite awareness or infinite silence i'll also refer to the silent witness and i'll also refer to spheres of light or the spheres these terms all came from the realization and when i in the meditation when we get to that point and i invite you to be open to the experience after spheres don't try to visualize anything spheres of light or anything like that just simply be open it's not about visualization visualization as useful as it is in the human domain is a phenomenon and what we're looking for being open to realizing is before and beyond all phenomena including space time so just get yourself comfortable now whether you're going to sit down or lie down i don't have any preferences on that don't have any rules and just simply close your eyes and i'll take you through a recognition exercise and then into the meditation so closing your eyes first simply notice the phenomena that are here your body any feelings emotions sensations emotions sensations and simply silently and without judgment and without judgment accept that they are here now and recognizing that all of these phenomena let's take emotions as an example they come and they go one moment there may not be an emotion and then some event occurs and emotion arises like a wave and if that's allowed that wave will simply pass but if we identify with it it tends to hang around for a while the key point to recognize here is that everything including emotions they come and they go and all of that can be seen witnessed and it's this witnessing presence that's key to the realization of the self we'll eventually come to see that this that can report the changing fields of phenomena this witnessing presence is untouched and unmoved by the phenomena and particularly emotions and trauma as challenging as they can be so let's take this recognition exercise one step further now recognizing this witness with your eyes still closed just ask this question inside who am I and wait who am I just see if anything emerges there don't try and analyze it don't try and force it just be with it if nothing comes that's fine if something comes just note that and let's take the exercise one step further now asking the question inside who am I without memory who am I without memory and wait so see what if anything emerges and we'll explore that together in a few minutes after the meditation who am I without memory and continuing to rest with that simply knowing phenomena may be here the sense of the body just be open now open now to the experience of spheres of light or simply the spheres the pure universal state I am pure being just as subtle as this may be for you right now noticing this presence this I am this infinite I am an aliveness that's not personal resting your attention here this silent witnessing presence now this silent witness that sees the state I am and the other phenomena in the form in the body it's a little bit like a sliver of ice in an ocean of water and it's dissolving melting becoming one with the water effortlessly silently and the water actually is an ocean of infinite silence infinite awareness and simply merging melting becoming one with this so in silence we trust so in silence you will realize your truth in truth you will realize you are silence infinite silence be still and nil this ever present sense as you continue to rest in this,

As this,

In a moment I will ring the ting sha bells three times just keep your eyes closed for now and as the sound of the ting sha bell fades away just simply becoming aware of your body,

The chair you're sitting in,

Or whatever you may be lay on aware of the space and whenever the moment is right for you,

Just simply opening your eyes good,

Good so that was a brief journey,

A fairly rapid one,

Into beginning to open,

To recognise awareness and to start to follow this path of looking inward to the inner infinite dimensions,

Recognising the pure state I am,

Or spheres of light and then the infinite field of awareness,

Once the silent witness,

The sliver of ice,

Has dissolved that field of awareness,

And eventually what will happen,

You will move to a point that is before and beyond all phenomena indeed you may find that body awareness,

Even awareness of this,

Drops,

And there's just simply awareness this,

My friends,

Is the purpose of meditation,

This is why you are here,

In this life,

You don't need to believe me but to realise this,

This realisation is so profound and so great,

One's seen,

Never forgotten so what does it mean to go within?

It means to recognise the awareness,

The unchanging,

Unmoving,

Untouched,

Unblemished presence that has always been here,

And is infinite,

And you,

Non-personally,

Non-personally,

Are already it that's what it means to go within,

And that's what Self-realisation is,

Also known as enlightenment,

The realisation of that which is here the awareness itself remembers,

Recognises itself as that,

And your form is still here,

As an appearance,

As an expression,

A beautiful expression of that,

For this comes to know itself in its own experience,

Through your form,

My form,

Everyone's form,

The stars,

The planets,

Everything,

And everything is an expression of that,

Your body is like a facet of a diamond,

You see and experience the beauty of a diamond with the light glinting off the facet but you are in fact the whole diamond,

This is what meditation is about,

This is what going within really means and if we use this approach to meditation,

Recognising this witnessing presence,

This will be a game changer for your meditation practice because then you're on an inevitable and inexorable pathway to recognising and realising what you came here to realise it is ultimately profoundly simple,

And the mind goes,

It can't be that simple,

But actually the heart,

And I don't just mean your physical heart,

I mean the heart space of the universe that you are,

Already knows you are this already knows,

And that's why it's called our realisation,

Oh my gosh,

I infinite I am that,

So simple so we just got,

I don't know if this kicks me out at exactly the hour,

I allowed an hour for this,

If anybody knows the answer to that let me know whether I can just carry on let's just get a bit of feedback here if anybody wants to share anything,

When we did the exercise,

The recognising awareness exercise,

Particularly the who am I part,

And then the who am I without memory if anybody wants to share what they got there if anything did arise,

Then pop that in the comments,

And whilst they're waiting to see if anybody wants to share anything there typically when I do that with a group of people in person,

Even online on zoom or on live streams,

Comments on that vary from people still very much identified with the body I am a woman or a man or a mother,

A father through to maybe an opening,

A recognition or something like maybe a word like love or peace there's a spectrum of answers that come,

And then when I do the part who am I without memory,

What this does is takes the mind,

What we call the mind,

Out of the equation and usually for many people then they start to get a deeper sense and they might use words like peace,

Awareness,

Space,

Void,

Silence,

Things like this there may be people still very much identified with body mind as well,

This spectrum,

But what this exercise does in a very simple way is start to take your attention away from here which is where it is most of the time,

Into this first this witnessing,

Silent witness and then the totality of awareness it's a very simple,

Very powerful meditation exercise that you can use anytime,

Any place,

Anywhere who am I,

And then who am I without memory,

And if you use this regularly throughout your day it will start to open you up,

You'll become more aware,

More practised let me just see what Stefan's saying,

This time I didn't try to reach or achieve anything,

I got much deeper and there was a little recognition of something deeper inside great Stefan,

So that sounds like a good step for you,

Just a little spark of recognition there and this that Stefan's talking about there,

Not trying to reach for or achieve anything is very important actually in a deep meditation practice because ultimately this is effortless,

It is in trying to reach for it,

Grasp it that we push it away whereas if we simply allow and accept it becomes self-evident and this self is the capitalist self,

Non-personal awareness so let's just see if anybody else wants to add anything or share anything from that exercise I would definitely suggest you use that on an ongoing basis,

Who am I,

And then who am I without memory even if you didn't get anything tonight,

Using this will start to open you up to this witnessing presence taking you out of mind because mind is based on essentially memory and imagination,

It comes from belief in the thoughts that you're having and when you take that opportunity away from mind with the without memory bit,

This will start to open you up very rapidly no answer to either question from Ruth but I am aware of a greater presence,

Will commit to this practice more excellent Ruth I'm glad to hear that because what you're pointing out there,

It doesn't necessarily need any words but this greater presence is exactly what we're pointing at here this presence actually ultimately is infinitely vast and the realisation of the self is the recognition that you are that and that this body is like a car,

It is something that you have,

You may have a car but it is not that which you are,

It is a vehicle,

Your body is a vehicle to experience and realise so I'm glad you're here,

You're going to commit to that,

I don't know if this is going to kick me out in a minute's time if anybody does know the answer to that do let me know,

So just to remind you this is part one of what is essentially a 13 part programme part two is next week at the same time and I'm going to be talking about the true nature of silence again fundamental to your meditation practice,

We'll deepen what we've done here tonight and we'll include another meditation and then starting on the 1st of January 8pm UK time on Saturdays and Wednesdays twice weekly so if you can't make both days you can only watch the replay the 11 part programme which will walk us through the thousands of questions that people have asked me over the years in a series of subject headings I've identified starting with a deeper exploration of this who am I question that we've looked at tonight one called Beyond Belief,

Infinite Silence,

An exploration of that in more depth Moving from Fear to Love is another one,

This is dealing and I'll deepen that later by looking at emotions I'll have a session dedicated to life's questions,

Any of these you can ask questions at any time a session on trusting the heart,

Another question that comes up,

Am I on the right path?

We'll have a session on that,

We'll have a session on emotions and blockages something that comes up absolutely consistently all the time and what that's all about and where all that comes from and how simply to move beyond it using the power of your awareness I'll have a session on relationships,

What these show us in relation to spiritual self-realisation a specific session on Kundalini,

Something that's much talked about and often completely misunderstood in spiritual circles and then my final session is what I'll call the life meditation,

Meditation begins as a practice and ends as a realisation and we will eventually realise that we are in fact the living meditation so do join us,

Even if you can't be here live,

Watch the replays and a reminder there's an increasing number of resources on Insight Timer that I've been uploading over the last couple of weeks so there's an increasing number,

One coming on tomorrow I think it is,

Is my self-realisation session which is 30 minutes long at the 6th International Yoga Festival which was run from Vancouver in Canada in the midst of lockdown so it was done online and that session should be coming live on my profile here on Insight Timer,

I think it's tomorrow so do look out for that one and there's the seven,

Just a reminder,

Versions of the infinite silence meditation from absolute max guidance to over an hour and a half,

The same amount of guidance but spread out and this will allow you to choose one of those that is most resonant for you and get used to this in what may be for some new approach to meditation,

Moving beyond phenomena for it is in recognising this witnessing presence,

This unchanging,

Unmoving presence,

This is the game changer it's this and only this awareness that's going to bring about the flowering of life,

The flowering of the realisation all of the practices and steps and there are many beautiful ones are like stepping stones to this so that you'll find over the next 12 sessions after this one my approach is very direct and by direct I mean direct to awareness to move you beyond the stepping stones to the realisation so that's all to look forward to,

Plenty of resources there already on Insight Timer as I say thank you so much for being here and I can see a few donations have popped up so thank you on behalf of Insight Timer and myself for that,

It is deeply appreciated my life and my calling is committed to sharing this message with the world so it's always a joy to share this,

It's always fresh,

Always fresh and there are no silly questions so I welcome questions because what I've found over years now is that one person's question is everybody's question and sometimes people,

Somebody in a room of 20 or 30,

40 people whatever will ask a question and somebody else say I didn't realise I had that question but it's been answered so this is the importance of questions so I will be talking about the nature of spiritual inquiry in that process as well so I'm probably overstaying my welcome as far as Insight Timer is concerned,

I think we're about 4 minutes past the hour so what I'd like to do is say thank you to you all again,

Thank you for the donations