Psychic-Energetic Vision Of The Buddha‘s Liberating Insights

Wholeness,

I'll keep this quite short because this is a long one.

It's now August 2023,

And my fiance,

Randy,

Recorded this late June,

Early July.

And this is a recounting of the Buddha's life,

Basically,

From her own perspective.

She temps in and relives the life of the Buddha,

Really getting into the heartfelt,

Kind of the story and the drive and the motivation behind what the Buddha did,

What he did.

There's a disclaimer here.

Some of this might upset some traditionalists,

I guess,

Or maybe not.

I found a lot of this really resonated with the official story,

So to speak,

And some of it didn't.

But for anyone interested in this,

I feel it's an exercise in discernment and clarity from what they feel they know about it,

And of course,

Take what's helpful and leave the rest.

The most important thing for me on this listening journey through this is really the felt experience.

Like,

I stepped inside his shoes and the things that motivated him,

It really enhanced those understandings from what I would just get from kind of a textbook,

Storybook story.

So most like I was there with him most of the time in a manner of speaking.

And of course,

The language is different,

And Randy uses a lot of words that aren't normally talked about,

Especially with the crux of this.

And I will just leave that for your own discovery.

Enjoy.

I asked the teachers what the meaning of the word dukkha is as it has been expressed in the later material.

So to go into the understanding of the word where it came from,

We must go with the assumption that it's a word that is tied to an experience that Siddhartha had.

So I asked the teachers to show me what he meant with that word,

If he even used that word,

And here I get another word in my head,

But he used a similar word.

And the word itself means void,

Meaningless,

Purposeless,

Has no function.

So how did he come up with that?

What did Siddhartha experience that led to that insight?

And as always,

When I ask that question,

I ask to see in a kind of a vision,

Stepping into the Buddha's life,

What he became,

The warrior,

The Ahat,

Because that was what he wanted to achieve due to his Aryan origin.

So let us work with,

Instead of having this whole enlightened title hanging over his head,

Strip that away,

And then just go into what was it that Siddhartha,

As a man on this planet,

What was it that he wanted to achieve?

And of course,

I get a lot of dark ones there when I look into that energy,

Because most of this information has been hijacked,

And are now stored on timelines that are darkened.

So I create light and I see this young man sitting under the Bodhi tree,

Meditating,

And this is,

Interestingly enough,

Perhaps it's not the Bodhi tree,

Perhaps it's just a tree in the garden,

Because it must be in the garden.

I see this very large house,

We would call it a palace.

It's not a palace.

There were some very big,

The Rajas had some very big properties,

And he's sitting there,

His father's family's there,

The kids of his father still runs around,

So he's a young man.

And going into this,

He looks at me,

Actually he's got blue eyes,

Which is interesting.

He can't see me.

I'm like being part of that life,

Being part of that situation that he's in,

Where he's contemplating on something.

He is,

He has a lot of thoughts that are what we would call depressed,

Of being a young man,

Being depressed,

Finding it purposeless to be in that wealth compared to what he's seeing outside.

So he's having this feeling of love towards his father,

But at the same time also resentment,

The typical male conundrum for their fathers.

The understanding of being in all of this wealth is overwhelming.

It's like,

I haven't chosen this.

And of course,

It goes in when we talk about the Hindu caste system of the time when Siddhartha was living,

When this young man was present on our planet.

He was in this state of feeling unfulfilled.

I have all of this wealth.

I have all of this.

They have none.

They are not satisfied.

I am not satisfied.

I am in wealth.

They are in no wealth.

And we are both dissatisfied.

So the world with all of its overwhelming offerings,

What it presents to us,

What it gives to us,

All of this,

I'm sitting here in the garden.

I am enjoying this enormously beautiful environment,

And yet I'm still dissatisfied.

People out there in the streets,

They are living in poverty.

They are living in their own feces.

They are also dissatisfied.

Torment is in their eyes.

Torments are in my eyes.

It doesn't matter where we are,

If we are rich or we are poor,

We are still dissatisfied.

This world in itself is meaningless.

So in a way,

If we go with the thought forms of a person that is semi-depressed,

Well,

Then the word meaningless would come up.

But also the question of why am I born into this level?

And we hear again talking about the caste system.

So he's asking the meaninglessness of the caste system as well,

The whole way that society was built up at the time,

This distance between rich and poor,

Distance between wealth and no wealth,

This,

For him,

This apparent polarity with everything that he's seeing as this kind of rejecting forces that cannot meet up.

So in that,

He kind of concluded with this understanding of that I am this and they are that,

And we can't meet.

I can go in the street,

I can see,

I can live there,

But I will never be like they are because I am born onto a different level.

I'm born as part of a warrior caste.

I am born with all of this wealth and they are not.

I am born into this life without my own volition being in place here as they are.

So for him,

The question that rose up with this understanding of the rebirth in itself as in why does that even happen?

Why does that emplacement come?

Why do people,

And I've had that question asked myself many times in this life,

When you really begin to observe the world,

You can see that it is void of meaning.

So what does dukkha mean?

It means void of true meaning.

So it all becomes into this search for what is the true meaning then?

If the way we live here is void of meaning and there is a distance due to where we have been rebirthed and where does that distance come up?

How can we level that out so we can all meet in a situation where there is purpose and meaning into the existence of why we live?

Because if why we live this short life that is clearly meaningless,

No matter what level you are in the caste system,

There is no freedom in any levels of the caste system.

Not for the poor,

Not for the priest,

Not for the king,

Not for the warriors,

Not for my mother who is with this man who has other lovers.

He has literally other wives and she's miserable in that too.

She's given birth to me and yet she's still dissatisfied.

What should be her prime of her life,

She's dissatisfied with that too.

So that means his mom didn't die in childbirth.

That must be a later myth.

He's looking at his mom and he can see she's dissatisfied.

His father is dissatisfied and by that try to cover that dissatisfaction with a lot of mistresses,

With a lot of wives,

With a lot of wealth,

With a lot of children,

And he can see his father's still dissatisfied.

So even if we have all of these desires that are satisfied,

We're still dissatisfied.

It's like an empty well that cannot be filled up.

So with that,

The search for satisfaction become meaningless as well and it turns into dukkha.

It turns in,

It becomes a void.

It becomes void of meaning because it doesn't lead to any outcome that satisfy this unfulfilledness of whatever it is that we're seeking.

And he was contemplating upon that and that's probably why he began to go to some of these wandering philosophers that were both in India.

There were also other places.

There always been these wandering philosophers to hear if they had something else.

And what I'm seeing here in this vision is that Siddhartha then decided he had already,

He was engaged,

He was engaged to this young woman.

And what I'm getting is if this is the young man that left the house,

Well,

She did have a child.

They were very young.

He's no more than 16 or something like that because they were married very young.

And in that,

He also felt that if life itself was just about giving birth to other children,

To other humans that will go into this place of meaningless,

Then itself was a kind of meaningless function in itself.

And with that,

He decided that he looked at these wanderers,

These philosophers that were wandering around,

Apparently knowing what was the purpose of their existence and seeing how they had let everything go and were just seeking the truth.

They were just seeking the knowledge from where they could express their interpretation of the world.

And Siddhartha,

Being a thinker in himself,

He thought that that was perhaps the path for him to find since wealth had no meaning to him and poverty had no meaning to him,

Being a priest would have no meaning to him either because he couldn't support the Brahim so he could not look at that caste either.

And he knew that he couldn't leave his emplacement because the system of India at the time and probably still is,

Is that you're born into what you are,

What you are in alignment with what you truly deserve.

So each one in the caste system that are higher rank,

They have this,

What do you call it?

This feeling of entitlement because we're born into this.

So we are entitled to this wealth.

We are entitled to enjoy this wealth.

And Siddhartha was kind of appalled by it but he was appalled by poverty.

He was appalled by the Brahims.

He was appalled by his father and his mother.

He was appalled by his own desires,

His own sexuality,

His own looking at his fiance feeling he had defiled her and she was now with this child from being a beautiful,

Innocent young woman,

She was now had turned into something else that he had taken part of because that was asked of him which he also felt was pointless.

So it was also void of meaning.

So it had no meaning to transform things into something they were not.

And he could see with his father and all these children his father had begotten that had not rendered him more happy.

It had not rendered the wives more happy.

They were actually bickering with each other and who was in the right,

Who was the most beloved and who had the right to be the one.

And his mother had just kind of subsided because she was older than the younger wives.

So she had already passed her prime.

She gave birth to him quite late actually in her late 30s.

So that was a late comer.

So in that way,

Even though he was the one that were to inherit it all,

He could also see that all of the other siblings would then not get the same thing.

And that would also be void of meaning,

Right?

That all of these children would not get anything and he would get it all.

And he would give it to his son and then they would be wealthy.

But what with all the other children,

They would then have to be placed in different homes,

In different houses that it was accustomed.

And there he would give of his wealth to sustain them and take care of them.

And he would become the patron of the tribe of his father's children,

Literally.

And he felt that that was meaningless as well.

That was void of meaning.

That was unfair.

That's the best way.

It was unfair to divide the wealth,

Not that he wanted all the wealth himself because he couldn't actually care less.

He was 16.

He was semi-depressive.

He was in an existential crisis.

He couldn't care less about the wealth.

So his decision was to uproot himself and leave his family,

Leave his wife.

And he made sure she was taken good care of.

And she was a little bit like a dumb bimbo.

So she didn't really care much.

So she was just happy being there.

That was what her father had asked of her.

That was her place.

That was her role as a woman at the time to give birth.

She had given birth to a son.

She was secured.

She knew that she'd hardly would not take other wives because he had already got what he needed.

So she was secured.

She had a good position.

She was content.

And she knew that his,

Siddhartha's father was content with her as well.

So she had continued or secured what she needed to do.

So she was well off.

No matter,

There was this law or this rule that if a wife gave birth to a son,

Then as the first marriage with the first wife,

The first son,

Well,

Then she kind of could retire and she would be secured with an amount of wealth.

And so would her family,

Because she had done what she was supposed to.

Because remember,

We're living in times with arranged marriages where the females typically was almost like a trade object.

So that was,

You traded the cows or the wives or the females for production,

Right?

So that's that understanding.

So she was well off.

She was cool.

That was all fine.

She has done what she needed.

And technically she could have decided not to want to beget more children for Siddhartha if that was how she was feeling.

And then he could have taken other wives that would then done that.

She had done her duty.

So for females at the time,

It was not about sexual desire,

Nonexistent.

So when we talk about this whole,

This also comes into the whole kind of,

When we talk about the sexual desires,

It was not anticipated that females had that at all,

Males had it.

So that's also where he looked into this,

The desires of his loins,

The desires of him,

Wanting to continue to have this need to defile his female when he could see that she clearly was not enjoying it.

So that made him feel disgusted as well.

He disgusted that part of him as he disgusted his father's loins and his needs and how he clearly just played it out in his behavior in his behavior towards his mistresses and wives,

Which if it was a good mistress,

He would wet her and she would become a wife and then he would enjoy her as long as he could.

And then he would get tired of her,

But she would still remain part of the household.

Hence all of these wives.

So that was how it was.

For Siddhartha,

The only,

For this young man,

The only thing that was possible was to wander off.

If I have,

How do I feel if I have no wealth,

No females,

No property,

Nothing in the world?

I'm not poor,

I'm not living in the gutter,

But I have,

I go on a different quest for purpose.

So he went off to find purpose.

In that we can say for him,

The path to freedom was to find purpose.

So in a way you could say it's not the word enlightenment because that's also a misinterpretation of the word itself.

He wanted to find where the purpose of the world,

Where the void of meaning become what fills up the void,

Where the void that he sensed and he felt would be filled up with something that he didn't know what was yet,

That he felt that was his quest to find.

And that's why there was a group of these wandering philosophers in the city when at one day they were there,

They were standing in the town square,

If we could call it that,

And he decided that they were all dressed in these white,

They had this typical,

Not the guru outfit,

But they had this kind of,

Not white robes,

But they had cloths over them and they were begging for food.

And they were,

They seemed different than what he was accustomed to.

So he decided to follow them.

They were speaking differently.

They were not talking like the priest in the temple.

They were not worshiping the gods.

They were discussing reality,

Life,

Ideas,

Knowledge,

Search for knowledge.

They were not like the gurus that he had also observed,

Which later on when he left the wandering philosophers,

He actually joined a group of gurus,

As we know,

Where he then thought that that might give him something because he got disappointed with the wanderers as well.

So one of the things that signifies,

When I sense into what is it that drives this young man,

And that's the sense of meaninglessness as well as the disappointment of constantly trying to seek it in others,

In circumstances,

In events,

In ways of dealing with life,

And just come up empty handed.

It's like this constant thirst for things,

This hunger for things that he finds unsatisfactory.

It's like this void in him that cannot be satisfied,

The thirst that cannot be extinguished,

The desire for the answer that cannot be fulfilled.

It's like this hunger inside of him that wants to consume,

Eat,

Take in something that he can't grasp,

He can't hold on to it.

It's impermeable.

Whenever he thinks he has it,

It flows through his hands like sand,

And it's like trying to eat dust.

It's,

He thinks that's it,

It's like it turns into dust in his hands,

That's how he see it.

It's like I'm grasping it,

I'm there,

I'm in it,

And then I'm in it,

And then I'm consumed by it,

And I'm in it,

And it renders me nauseous,

Empty,

Dissatisfied.

It feels defiling.

So he clearly had some kind of purity thing going on there as well,

This search for purity,

This search for,

As we know with the Ahats,

The nobleness of life.

What is the most noble way to be in life in all of this purposeless reality set up,

That's not his words,

But this thought.

It's difficult to explain because I kind of,

I'm having this different language in my mind,

Which,

By the way,

Is when we talk about the Rajas and the warrior castes,

They had their own language.

They had their own variation of the Sindhi language that were theirs to speak,

Where that was similar as the Brahims had their type of language.

We're seeing that as well when you can call it a kind of language that goes with different groups.

If you have the poor people,

They speak in a specific way.

As we know,

We have the,

You know that from America as well.

Different groups of people talk different types of language.

They have different types of words that kind of shows their caste or their class.

So in a way,

The way that it was built up back then,

Each class technically had their own language as we're seeing it as well.

People that are highly educated has a different language than the ones that have no education,

Right?

So we know that.

So that was that.

So he had this,

Plus he came from a province,

A little community,

A little outside rural community,

Not rural,

It was actually quite a bit city compared to the time.

But it was,

They had a different dialect that some of the other groups in India,

This is some of the things that we don't really understand about India is how many dialects they actually have of the Sindhi language.

It's not just one,

Similar as Chinese and what have you.

So this is where we kind of say the later chosen language to describe these things are thereby not in alignment with his own language.

So again,

Just to put that in there.

So thereby the best way to work with this is me translating his,

How he feels,

How his thought forms are,

What these thought forms are similar to in my language.

If I tap into it,

Then if I look into this young man and I feel into how he feels,

Then like when I'm working as a psychotherapist as well,

I do that with people,

Then I can sense,

Oh,

This is that emotion,

That's that thought form,

That's that kind of thought process.

And that is that conundrum that he has.

So he was driven by this general conundrum.

So the next step,

The next understanding is kind of,

We have this understanding that for the way that the Buddha saw it was not,

Dukkha was not pain or frustration or stress or whatever.

It was the meaninglessness,

The void of meaning and purpose of none of this makes sense,

Literally.

There's nothing in this world that makes sense.

That's the best way because I know that feeling,

That's the best way I can interpret it.

Was it then that feeling that he had and his was a little bit more angry.

It was a little bit more like this,

Based upon this desire in his own body.

Again,

Remember he is an iron,

He is a warrior caste,

He is placed in a place where he supposedly should be happy because that's what the caste system teaches.

The higher up you are,

The better you've done to yourself.

And yet he still felt this enormously large emptiness.

And at the same time,

This thirst for this hunger,

This thirst,

That's the best way,

The words that he can come up with because it was like he was craving it.

Something he was craving that he didn't know what was.

And he wanted that,

But he didn't know what it was.

Everything,

This feeling of craving it,

Being thirsty and no matter how much water he drank,

He would still be thirsty.

No matter how much food he ate,

He would still be hungry.

No matter how much he was discussing with the wandering philosophers,

He would still be unsatisfied.

He was unsatisfied,

Void of meaning and unsatisfied.

It's nothing to do with,

Because he kind of already had this understanding that there are no pleasures in the world that can fill up my feeling of feeling unsatisfied,

Of having this thirst,

Hunger,

Yearning for something.

So that's another word to put instead of desire,

Yearning.

So we are here again,

Interpreting a little bit differently,

A little bit less philosophical,

Because did he talk to people,

The lay people that he was talking to,

Would he teach them that you have pleasantness and unpleasantness and desires and these kinds of things,

Which were vocabulary they didn't have.

So what would he say?

He would say,

You have thirst,

You have hunger,

You are craving this,

A thirsty dog wants to have water or any other images that you come up with,

Because with this,

And it's not a feeling,

I don't know how to describe how he feels,

It's this yearning is the best way,

Yearning,

Which we could say,

Is that a feeling?

No,

It's a yearning that is something that is,

It's physically.

Once he had kind of filled his mind with all of these philosophical thoughts,

Being with the wanderers for a while and having had all of these,

I'm seeing him sitting around the fire in nighttime,

Having all of these discussions and all of these intellectual conversations and they had wandering philosophers from other places.

Of course,

They were in contact with worlds around them as they were at the time.

This is just the West that thinks that nobody had contact.

Of course,

People were walking,

They were crossing borders,

There were travelers,

There were trade.

He was talking to a lot of people from different places of the world and he thought for a time that working with this group of wandering philosophers across borders and around in India would give him this understanding of what the world really was outside his little beautiful pothole or whatever we should call it,

With this beautiful nature and all of the wealth and everything that he had.

If he wandered around without,

Because he didn't feel that if becoming poor would be suitable for a man like him,

But he needed to be,

Because of his emplacement in the caste,

He needed to find something that was just as showing another type of wealth and he was drawn to these wandering philosophers because they had thrown off the caste system.

You see,

The poor ones,

They were accepting their emplacement in the caste system.

They were letting themselves be nullified by the dot in their forehead.

The priest would tell the low caste that they had done wrong and they would believe the Brahims,

They would believe the priests that they had done this.

So he saw that as a kind of enslavement to wrongful thoughts,

Wrongful ideas,

As in,

Why do you accept that?

Why do you accept that?

You don't have to accept that.

You can become a wandering philosopher,

But because you have got that dot in your head that is now green or blue or whatever,

Then you are accepting your emplacement.

You're accepting your destiny.

You're accepting that this is your karma.

When you can actually work to become something else,

You can become a wanderer.

You can leave your home.

You can leave your house.

You can leave the street.

You can leave the mud hole you're in.

You can do a thousand other things.

So why are you not,

Why are you content with that emplacement?

Unless it must be some kind of desire for being miserable,

Which the Buddha asked himself as well,

Or the young man asked himself,

Do they have a need?

Is that what keeps them there?

Or is it something else?

And that's where he also began to understand,

He began to develop this sight of what was actually in people,

What they were struggling with there,

The hungry ghosts.

He saw the rakshas,

Literally.

So he began to understand that when he came out,

When he was also talking with that,

With some of the wandering philosophers that also had built up a different interpretation of reality due to their way of living and their discussions.

And they were practicing meditation as a way to get insights.

And that was new for,

That version that they did with philosophy and meditation was new for Siddhartha.

He had seen the Brahims,

Were the Brahims meditating?

No.

Were the gurus meditating?

Yes,

They were definitely meditating,

But they were meditating in a different way.

They were meditating to overcome different forms of pains in the body,

Which he learned later on,

Also could be a way to administer the body sensations,

Because that's what drove him into the gurus,

Was that yearning.

Because after he had kind of distilled his thirst for knowledge,

He then discovered that that was fleeting as well,

That that also fizzled out as sand between his hands.

It was not lasting.

It didn't stick.

It was,

He saw how these men that he thought would lead,

That would kind of come to some kind of noble understanding of reality,

Also just ended up in pointless discussions.

And even though he did see some of them were using this meditation practice to achieve some kind of understanding of what was going on,

And by that could conceptualize what they were experiencing,

And they could discuss it,

He also saw that that also became some kind of perpetual pattern of meaninglessness,

Because it just ended up in,

As you and I have talked about,

In these mental discussions,

Where it just became mentalization over topics that were interesting,

But it did not satisfy his yearning.

It satisfied his mind.

It gave him different perspective.

It gave him new constructs of mind,

And it gave him the ability to work with his mind in a different way than he had had before.

Before,

He had the tendency to get depressed.

Now,

He at least had this ability to silence his mind in a manner that would leave him in a state of calmness,

Which became very important to him,

Because he had this brain that wanted to wander off,

And often wander off into slightly dark thoughts that he discovered would not be for his own.

.

.

It didn't help him to become more depressed.

That's how we would say today.

So he learned to meditate,

To silence his mind,

So that he could become calm.

Once he had learned that,

That was what he extracted.

He learned from the wandering philosophers that the quest was not the knowledge.

The quest was the ability to silence the mind and be calm,

Because he did not become more happy and more fulfilled by knowing what he knew and had had all of these discussions,

But he learned that the practice they had,

That specific type of meditation of silencing the mind to receive the higher knowledge,

So to speak,

That's kind of where the Greeks would call that noose.

These philosophers,

They were seeking the highest form of knowledge.

So they were breaking the caste system,

Because there were no caste that had philosophy.

So they had to break it and make their own little caste,

So to speak,

Their own little tribe.

And for them,

It was this ability to achieve insights,

Via meditation.

So he learned that from them.

Then,

Compared to the gurus that were also sitting in meditation,

But they were not meditating for insights,

Which he discovered later on,

Because he joined the gurus,

And the gurus were all about the mastery of the body.

So as he discovered with the philosophers that even though he learned a lot,

And he learned to silence his mind,

He learned to extinguish the thirst in his mind.

So his mind was no longer thirsty for knowledge.

But he still had the yearning in his stomach.

It was not yearning for food,

But it was yearning for something that he could not pinpoint.

But he felt it was a bodily sensation,

So he felt it in his body.

And it was not sexual desire,

Because he kind of understood to himself that that was just an appendix.

For him,

He eventually came to,

Also because of the wise men that he was around with these old philosophers,

They had,

In a way,

Because of the way they lived and the way that they had decided to in honorable ways to discover the truth about reality,

They had naturally left behind families and homes.

And with that also,

Again,

We must remember that sexuality at the time was way different than it is today.

I feel with Siddhartha,

When there were no women around,

There were no desires.

It became very clear to him that that was just how it was.

And that's why he chose to be around males in his life.

And that kind of gives us the answer to why there were no female nuns,

Because this whole came into the best way to extinguish the desire for procreation,

Because that was what it was for,

Is to not have women around that are in the position of receiving the semen.

Very simple,

Straightforward.

But then we had the other with the gurus and the buddhists,

What they were trying to,

They were also breaking the caste system by becoming these gurus.

And they were,

Most of the gurus at the time of the Buddha were actually Brahimian priests that kind of lost it a little bit,

That kind of got a little bit whack.

And they had in some of,

There were some temple practice where the priests are,

I don't know what it's called,

It's part of the,

It was part of the temple practice.

It was a very little group that later on became this,

What we're seeing of gurus today.

It's nothing to do with the original gurus.

These Brahims that we,

Today we also have guru,

That means a teacher.

But that's not what we see when we talk about gurus today.

We're talking about these that are doing all sorts of physical shenanigans to work with their body.

So with different types of teachers.

But you had the temple priest and you had the teachers.

The teachers were the ones that were typically talking to people and talking about,

Teaching the sciences of the gods.

Let's put it that way.

So he joined some of these priests that kind of got a little bit crazy.

As a kind of interesting,

Having been around the wise men,

He felt it was about his time to be around the not cases.

So he joined this group of gurus that were doing all sorts of weird stuff to also administer the body in ways where they could,

Why starve yourself,

For instance?

Why starve yourself?

Well,

If you have no access to food,

Then you can make it a challenge to yourself to starve yourself so much so you no longer feel hunger.

To show that you are in control of this.

And these gurus,

They had lost,

Completely lost their connection to,

They no longer believed in the gods.

So there is also this understanding,

The caste system in India at the time were tightly connected to the understanding of the gods and what the gods asked of people to be in these different levels of the caste system,

Which for Siddhartha also was pointless.

Because why are the gods to decide this?

So with that,

He felt the need to go with the priests that had lost their functionality in part of the temples because they'd gone crazy.

And why did they go crazy?

That was the good question.

Apparently there were some kind of rituals that priests were performing with some kind of liquid they were drinking that would give them insights,

That would allow some of the ones that were working in the temples,

They had these,

They were drinking this bitter tea or something,

We were probably mushroom,

Some kind of brew on mushrooms to get some kind of insights,

Right?

Eventually they went mad with this.

Some could take it,

Others could not.

So they would then ostracize and then these maddened people would,

I don't even know why they were doing it because it was without any purpose as well.

I don't wanna go further into that one.

They probably got completely possessed.

Anyways,

The Buddha was there for a while because he wanted to extinguish his yearning in his stomach for something that was not food,

Something that was unexplainable.

So he found it to be a good exercise to not give himself food for a long time to see if his thirst and if his hunger for whatever he was looking for was tied to the bodily needs and the bodily sensations.

So that was the next step of his journey.

He had now filled up his mind and the thing that he came to the conclusion where he actually found the greatest amount of peace was to not think,

Was to go into silence.

And then he worked with the idea,

Okay,

How do I then get my body to go into silence so I no longer have this yearning,

This craving?

And he discovered that by not being around women and not having all of this female attribute in his face,

Then his desire for sexuality,

His desire for release also diminished.

So he kind of concluded that if I do not have it around me,

If I remove myself from it,

Then that desire will diminish.

So if I remove myself from food and from water and from these things,

Will that yearning I have then also dissipate and cease to exist?

Will it extinguish if I'm no longer presented for the situation?

So he looked into this,

He went with these mad people that he found would be a good place to go also because in India,

You don't wander on your own.

You wander as it's a tribal community so you're always part of some group.

So you join a group and then you become part of that group and nobody thinks weird of that.

It is more weird that you are one person walking around than you being a part of a group of crazy priests because we kind of acknowledge that they were crazy priests,

That they had gone crazy in the practice of the service of the temple.

They kind of called it the punishments of the gods because they probably hadn't done it right.

They probably had stolen some of the food from the gods or whatever.

People always came up with good explanations but this is a community that was based upon tribes and caste systems and emplacements and you fitted society wherever that was and we know that's one of the things that Siddhartha was appalled about.

He felt that that was so pointless as everything else.

So the whole thing of working with these crazy priests was this understanding of can I,

In this group,

Learn how to master the bodily sensations and he was not here thinking sexuality via extinguishing it with not being around it.

So from having been around the clever people,

He went to the mad people and with that,

He also discovered that devoiding himself from all of these physical needs and pleasures,

The body would go silent as people who knows who are not getting water for a long time,

Eventually thirst ceases.

If you don't get food for a long time,

Eventually the body stops feeling hungry.

It just begins to eat itself.

It begins to eat its organs.

It takes what it can and eventually you die from it.

You die of hunger,

Right?

Because the body eats itself up but it will stop giving signals.

You will stop pee.

You will stop poop.

You will stop all of these kind of things and he then went to the point where he saw himself so hollowed out and he said,

Yes,

I no longer have bodily desires.

I no longer have bodily functions.

I no longer have anything.

My body is now just shriveled,

Semi-mummified,

Emptied out.

Nothingness,

I no longer pee,

I no longer poop.

I'm no longer thirsty.

My teeth are falling out.

My hair is falling off.

I'm literally going into complete decay.

Everything is falling off me.

It's almost like my flesh is falling off my bones and I'm looking at it and because I am so devoid of energy and devoid of everything,

I'm on the brink of death,

I don't really care.

And yet,

Unsatisfactory as well.

So once you kind of realize that being at the brink of death was pointless too,

What's the point of this?

That's meaningless too.

This having gone to this extreme is also meaningless.

It doesn't lead to the calm and the insights and the understanding of that the void is not filled.

It's still a gap.

It's still a void.

It still feels pointless.

It still feels,

Why am I doing this?

Serves no purpose.

Not even noble,

It's just crazy people,

Right?

And with noble,

There was this kind of respect for life.

It began to grow in Sid Harter,

This that what he expresses noble would be what we would say as respect for life.

Respect for what he had been given.

He began to mature into a kind of respect for the possibilities that he had been given to investigate the nature of his existence.

He decided to leave the guru group and he got some food,

He began to eat some berries,

He ate slowly,

He began to drink water,

He began to give sustenance to his body and his body responded with a type of what we could call another type of calm.

Now beginning in having been brought to the brink of,

It's kind of the body was pushed out of its comfort zone and then via that where he chose to come back to life and now had a different respect for his own body because he then discovered that this body is,

I lost track there,

He had some kind of deep insight with the body that were with the respect for life.

That's how I will put it.

That's all that's it to that sequence.

He came out of that experience with a feeling of respect for life.

So now he had reached the calm in this deep meditation practice where he gained insights about what he was doing and led to a higher knowledge of the,

We could call the dynamics or the experiences or whatever,

Where he began to connect.

It's similar to the way that he was normally when he was sitting in the garden and was thinking processes.

There he was what we call deducing things.

He was looking at things,

He was getting impressions and he was being dissatisfied and he was being negative and he got depressed and he was feeling this awful,

He has all of these emotional responses to it that then were controlling his thoughts.

With the Wiseman,

He discovered this silence,

This insight that would come,

That would combine the thoughts in a different manner that he found more conducive,

That he found would actually give him some insights that would lead him to some understanding of reality that he had not seen before.

That was what the Wiseman were discussing,

These insights.

But he also understood that the moment you begin to discuss the insights,

They kind of fizzle out,

They kind of lose their momentum,

They kind of become less important.

So that was what he would take away from that one,

That you can seek as much knowledge as you like,

That also dissipates,

That also fizzles out,

That also has its well that dries out.

The hunger,

No matter how hungry you are for it,

Everything has its limitations.

You can't just keep pulling in knowledge,

It has its limitations.

The mind has its limitations.

The body has its limitations.

The sensations has their limitations.

Everything has a limitation to it.

And then at the same time,

Aside from the limitation,

It also has this,

All depending on the thirst you have,

All depending on the food you eat,

So to speak,

What you put into it,

What you feed into it,

Then it changes into a different type of,

It's like the best way I can describe what I'm seeing is this kind of,

He says,

The more you feed the wheel,

The more you will come up with different ideas of why it's important to continue that process of whatever we're in,

Whatever you're dealing with.

It's like if you feed the beast,

The beast wants more.

If you feed the body,

The body wants more.

If you feed the mind,

The mind wants more.

If you feed whatever it is that is,

With this subtle energies that's,

How much is needed to keep ourselves functional,

To keep ourself in balance,

And how much is excessive?

How much is wasteful?

Because it's like,

As he also experienced,

The more you feed the beast,

The more the beast wants.

So the more your mind is accustomed to thinking,

The more it wants.

So you devoid it of what it craves the most.

You devoid the mind of its sustenance,

Of thought processes,

Of thinking,

And you teach the mind to be silent.

You teach the mind to be humble,

To be noble in its thought processes,

Not just wander off in all sorts of ridiculous this or that or whatever,

Pointless,

Meaningless.

So how can we distill our minds to be purposeful?

And that's what he means with noble.

It means purposeful.

So it's honorable,

Meaning purposeful.

So have meaning,

That the thought processes must have a meaning.

They must lead to some kind of purpose that is also a type of,

He saw things differently.

He saw that there are purposeful thoughts and there are meaningless thoughts.

And the meaningless thoughts,

They just run in circles.

They just run around and around and around like water on a water mill.

The more water you put on it,

The quicker it runs around.

So,

And then it creates,

You put more water and it runs even more.

So if you devoid of water,

Then the wheel,

The water wheel will stop because they had that as well at the time.

So he was just in that understanding.

So that was kind of say,

Well,

If we are to go into this,

The way that the water wheel runs the best is that it runs best with a certain amount of water.

Then it does what it's supposed to,

Then it has its function.

Similarly as the mind,

If we put enough ideas and if we feed it,

He used the word feeding is the best way.

If we feed it with the right amount of food,

Then the mind will work as it's supposed to.

If we feed the body with the right amount of food,

Then it will work as it's supposed to.

If we feed our,

In our practice of working with the distillation,

The distilling,

It's like distilling something.

You have,

You distill something from one state into another.

It's very important that it has its,

You feed it with what it needs to reach the point where it distills what it's supposed to to reach his correct functionality.

So for him,

It became this question of,

Okay,

It's clearly not in one end,

It's not in the other end,

Because that does either the water runs too much or the water runs too little,

And then it both loses its purpose of what it's supposed to do.

So it's similar when we had with the Lyra,

If you wind up the strings too hard or too loose,

Then the Lyra is not doing what it's supposed to.

It's not working correctly.

So what does it take to work correctly?

And that's where we need to,

That's where he worked with this idea of not overdoing and not underdoing.

And again,

He,

When he taught this,

Talked about the best way to explain it is this feed craving,

The food that you give your body,

The food that you give your mind.

And he did not talk about the food you give your emotions,

Which is interesting enough,

Because for him,

There was no such things as emotions.

They were all connected to the mind.

So it was all processes of the mind,

Probably also because he was a male,

Right?

For him,

The word,

The Eightfold Noble Path has been called later on,

Because he used the word noble as we have interpreted it.

But for him,

That meant purpose.

Where things have the correct purpose,

They work in the way they are supposed to.

And when they do so,

They play their role in the world as they're supposed to.

We're not talking about car systems or these kinds of things.

We're talking about how to utilize what we are as humans in a right manner so that it has the correct purpose,

So it gets the right tone,

So it distills,

It's the way that we live that manner then distills the,

I wanna use my own words here,

But I can't because that will take it away because that was not his words.

So what was it that he kind of thought that when you refine something,

It then becomes pure.

So here we,

Pure,

That's the word,

Pure for his distillation of the bodily energies.

They must be distilled,

Become pure.

When they're pure,

They will not crave.

So you extinguish the craving by purification.

The purification is to understand where the energies are distilled from being tarnished by cravings and yearnings and desires,

Not desire,

Yearnings,

Cravings and yearnings for digestion.

That's consuming.

That's the words kind of digesting,

Consuming.

It's not desires consuming.

This consuming sensation of more,

More,

More,

More,

More,

Crave more,

More,

More,

So that it over,

It's being overfilled,

It's being tarnished.

So that's where the purity comes in,

Understanding exactly how much the body needs so it functions as it's supposed to.

And that's what he understood.

What does the body need so it functions as it's supposed to?

And once the body does that,

Then it becomes calm.

Then it goes into purity.

Then it goes into this non-craving state because it is aligned with the stillness that he had achieved of mind.

So he kind of discovered the stillness of the body and the stillness of the mind and how these two things could be combined into this perfect state of alignment,

Of calm and alignment.

And that he really began to practice in all sorts of situations where he sat to himself,

So to speak,

Went on his own,

And then sat in that meditation to achieve this purity,

Where he distilled the energies.

I'm here using the energies because he didn't think like that.

He would distill the forces in him.

That's where he began working with the forces in him because that's where these different kind of forces,

He had got the calm of his mind,

The contemplative state of his mind,

Where he understood what not to feed,

Not to give the mind more than what it actually needed to come up with the pure thought forms and with the pure insights,

The pure knowledge.

And then he began working with the purity of the body and what would the body need that would lead to that pure state where it would distill what was given to it in the right manner so that it would gain functionality.

So it would be in this similar type of calm state as he had experienced in his mind.

And that's where he began to work with the body sensations as fire,

As water,

As dirt,

Literally,

Kind of mineral dirt,

Gravel thing,

Because he noticed,

Of course,

That as he had lost his bodily functions when he was starving himself,

He saw how things fell off.

So that's kind of what he compares the body's made of these flakes of things that can fall off,

Which we would call dirt,

Which is similar to the sand in that manner.

It becomes dust,

Right?

And then it falls apart and becomes dust,

Which is similar to earth.

And then,

Of course,

He also understood the winds,

Which some of the mad priests were actually working with the winds,

The spirits of the wind,

That's a whole other thing.

So for this young man that had been out in nature for so long,

Been sitting up at nighttime,

Having seen so much,

He developed his senses.

So he began to see these things that the body was made of,

Of these different types of energies,

Which we call it,

He would call it forces,

Different forces that composed the body that were connected to different realms,

That were connected to different aspects of nature that was combined with different types of dynamics that he would see in nature.

And that's where he began to work with water and fire and dust and air as part of the body probably has the same things.

And this is where he was relying heavily actually on the Brahim terminology and understandings of reality as he had been taught by his own priest and where he grew up.

He never really cracked the code to go beyond that.

He tried to combine some of his experiences with the Brahimian cosmology.

So that's interesting to get that too,

That in a way he kind of didn't have the full knowledge for that and he didn't gain insights for that either because in a way he was not so interested in a way he was,

In a way he wasn't.

Let me put it this way.

What he kind of saw was that he saw that these four elements,

These four different dynamics of reality,

Because that is what it is,

These four different dynamics of reality were probably the root of his yearnings,

Bodily yearnings.

His bodily yearnings had to be rooted in these four forces or primal dynamics of reality.

So,

And in that kind of saying,

Well,

If I am to seek a purpose of reality itself,

Then it must be this reality itself must have a craving too,

Must have some kind of yearning too to be in existence,

To be there unfolded via these four fundamental forces.

That understanding is kind of something that he had also discussed with the wise men.

What is it that drives nature?

That would be how we would translate it.

What is it that makes nature continuously exist as well as giving birth to life forms?

Which is a good question to ask.

So that must be these different forces that has a craving in themselves that leads to a world as we know of it.

And we know from the Rahim's,

They had that from the Vedic,

The Upanishads and these kinds of stories and this understanding of the world and the Kalpas and the cycles.

And that was of course also rooted into,

As he must concluded,

That had to be the desire of the gods.

The gods had yearning.

They had yearning for existence and that's why they created wells and Kalpas and put beings in it so that they create the caste system because the gods had yearnings as well.

They were also just thirsty.

They were also just craving.

They also needed to be fed.

They were also hungry.

Everybody's hungry in this world.

Humans are hungry.

They are hungry,

Not just physically hungry,

But hungry for something that leads to the feeling of dissatisfaction because no matter how hungry you are,

You can eat too much and you can eat too little.

You're still dissatisfied unless you reach that point where you distill to the purity where it becomes purposeful,

Where the meaninglessness actually goes into that understanding of being in balance.

And this is where I'm finally using that word,

But he did not use the word balance.

He did not use the word midpoint.

He did not use these kind of things that we have translated later on.

He saw it as where the energies,

And he didn't say it that way,

Where the forces are distilled to their highest purity.

And that's my words.

This is where it's difficult because this is an experience he had.

That's a sensation.

Where similarly as he had that insight with his mind,

Which is something he experienced,

It was not something that came as a thought,

A line of thoughts or ideas,

And then he expressed it,

And then,

No,

It was an experience.

Similarly,

When the body goes into that distilled point where it reconnects with the forces,

Then the body no longer craves because then it's connected to the root of its existence.

Then he kind of concluded that the yearning he had in his body was because his body was also searching for something it no longer had connection to.

So the moment he kind of got connected to the forces,

Then the body became quiet.

The distillation or the purification of the forces of the body,

When they connect,

Like if you're standing on the wheel of rebirth,

The wheel of rebirth is run by these forces,

These four forces that are the origin of existence.

When we talk about they are the origins of existence and they are on this wheel of reincarnation that is technically driven by the gods and all of the other entities that exist in the realms around us because he discovered how these forces were driven by that wheel of the cravings of others,

Whether it's above us or below us or whatever it was because he saw a lot of stuff and he saw all of this craving,

All of this yearning,

All of this hunger.

The hunger is the best way,

This unfulfilled thirst,

Unfulfilled hunger,

Unfulfilled satisfaction,

Unfulfilled existence.

So for him,

This unfulfilled existence,

Why is everybody that exists,

Why are they craving?

Why are they hungry?

Why are they thirsty?

Why are they yearning for whatever it is?

And that's where he kind of felt that the acknowledgement of the forces that runs this wheel of constant yearnings and cravings and things that comes into being and goes out of beingness,

That comes into existence and go out of existence because existence could be just a thought or any kind of form,

But it could also be everything that's not in form,

Like a force that has no form,

But it's still there,

It's still in being,

It still influences us.

It can have a form.

So that's where it becomes a being.

It can be in existence,

Which means that it is something that's subtle.

So,

And it could be of non-existence,

Which means it ceases to exist.

Literally the force is no longer there,

But that there's no longer craving,

There's no longer thirst,

There's no longer hunger,

And there's no longer anything at all.

And that's where he also discovered this absence of the forces.

This is what I call the void as well.

This is just emptiness where everything is empty,

But it's not extinguished.

It's just empty.

Kind of we have on one side,

We have all this craving and thirst and hunger and yearning.

And then you have the other side where everything is extinguished and not extinguished.

It's void of it.

It's just,

There's no craving,

There's no hunger,

There's no yearning,

But there is still,

It still exists.

It has no dynamics for perpetuating self-sustenance as kind of put it,

Self-upholding self.

There's no wheel that runs there.

The one place where there is existence,

But there's no wheel that runs.

There's no dynamics.

There's the other side where there's existence and there's the wheel.

And that's where the forces go in between this void of no craving into the other side that is the realm of craving.

A realm of craving and realm of no craving.

Realm of perception,

Realm of no perception.

So that was the two things that he kind of saw.

These two or these different realms where there was nothing,

But there was still existence.

And the realm where there was everything and there was also existence.

How could there be existence in a realm with where there's craving and yearning and this unfulfilled satisfaction?

And then you have the other side where it's just devoid of everything,

But there's still existence because it's still,

The forces are still there.

They're just dormant as we understand a pralaya.

It's just dormant.

It's still there.

How could that be?

So for him,

Even though he went there as in where you're devoid of everything,

You just go into the void,

But you still exist.

You haven't extinguished your existence.

The forces are still there.

They're just dormant.

They're just like this laminated forces that just stands there.

They're still in existence,

But they are not dynamic.

They're not on the wheel.

So that's where he kind of said,

Okay,

So that's not the answer either.

He just understood,

I need to be in between this.

For him,

It came down to the question of existence between as existence in the void and existence on the wheel,

Where there are dynamics and where there are no dynamics,

Where there are forces in motion and where there are forces not in motion.

One just keeps feeding itself and the other one is also feeding itself,

But it's feeding itself by no movement.

So one is feeding itself with movement and craving and yearnings and consuming.

The other one is feeding itself with no craving,

No consuming,

No movement,

But it's still in existence.

So even to go into non-existence or go into existence or non-existence,

Then that would be the next logical task,

Right?

To find you have existence that are.

.

.

So it's not just about removing what is craving,

What is creating craving,

That just leads to another form of existence,

But you're still existing.

It's still purposeless.

It's still something that's not gonna last forever anyways,

Right?

Because you can stay there for how long,

Then that also becomes meaningless.

So for him,

This,

When we're talking about nothing exists forever,

It's not this,

Everything is,

Again,

Everything becomes meaningless at some point.

That's the next step of his journey as it kind of now he has the alignment in the body and the stillness of the mind.

And then with that understanding,

He then in meditation began to explore existence as in now my body's silent and then I can begin to question why do I exist?

And what's the purpose of my existence?

I have understood that the purpose of the body was to find alignment with the four forces where it found its root.

And that root is the wheel of the form that comes into existence.

The forces are behind the wheel that makes it run around and around and around and pushes.

These forces are pushed together via the wheel into forms and into existence.

And once that is understood,

Then the question is,

Okay,

What is the opposition of that?

Where there's still existence,

But where there's no wheel and no forms and nothing that expresses itself as form,

Expresses itself as dynamics,

But going to the opposite where it's only existence.

So removing the form and then just going in and seeing the existence as something in itself.

That's where the existence come in.

Okay,

So if all of this,

If we take all of that away,

We now have the body calm,

We have the mind calm,

And we are now working with the very core essence of why we exist.

And we understand that's rooted in the forces that are driven by the gods and all of the other beings that are also trying to keep themselves running.

And in that,

We then begin to understand that existence in itself is tied to the sense of experience,

The sense,

We would say sense of self,

But that's not how he saw it.

The core essence of existence is also in a way a craving.

That's why it keeps itself going in,

Even when it has no form and it goes into the void,

There's still existence.

There's still this existence.

And again,

We have no words for this.

This is just an insight.

This is just an understanding that craving does not necessarily lead to existence.

It leads to rebirth.

Craving leads to taking the forces,

The four forces,

And put them into form.

Form,

That's,

Craving leads to form,

And form leads to embodied existence.

So it must be existence itself that craves the form and the existence itself must demand these circumstances so it can express itself.

Existence itself.

So there we begin to have this notion of there must be something that keeps itself running,

That keeps itself in some kind of expression,

Some kind of reflection.

That was very,

A big conundrum for him because it's easy enough when it's in form.

It's more difficult when we take it out of form.

And then we can go and say it's the gods and the subtle energies and it's part of the dynamics of reality,

But he was forcing himself out of falling into the trap of categorizing them like that.

He was investigating existence in itself.

What is existence?

Because he kind of got clear that working through all the layers of what is in form and what is driven by desire or what we call desire,

But what he called yearning,

Craving,

Hunger,

Thirst,

That kind of went with the four elements of forces behind nature,

Forces,

Or we could also call it four principles of existence.

That's where we begin to work with it a different way.

Existence itself must then be based upon some of the principles that are behind the forces.

That's where it really,

Really begins to become difficult.

That's where words really begins to avoid us when we come into this existence.

But anyways,

He was working with this understanding of existence.

So existence in itself is principles that are not forces,

That are not tangible,

That are,

Their existence is not thirsty,

It's not hungry,

It doesn't have the means of what's in form,

That takes form,

What goes into beingness.

Existence is not in being,

It's not a being,

It's not being in beingness,

It's not choosing to express itself as a form,

But it can take a part of the form.

And that's where,

When we talk about the soul and we talk about the Anada or the Atman that the Hindus were working with,

The Brahins were working with as part of their understanding that the Atman,

The principle,

The highest principle expressed in form is the one that keeps reincarnating as a little kind of spark or something that goes from one form to another,

That migrates from one form into another,

That has this craving itself must be existence,

Right?

That if there is this part of us that keeps getting reborn,

Not by the form themselves that craves,

That is part of the yearning,

The craving,

The hunger,

The thirst that runs the forces that are driven by probably the realms themselves,

Whatever the cycles.

Again,

Point being is that existence itself,

If you take the calm of the mind,

You silence the mind,

You log in as he discovered how he would balance his mind to the point where it would be like this subtle,

Calm,

Quiet space.

And then the body was in alignment and then he would work with existence.

So he would silence his mind and silence his body and then he would contemplate or work with existence as the foundation of everything.

Since there could be no form and in form and there would still be existence.

There was this,

As we talked about the Brahims,

They would see Atman as that flake,

That flame that would jump forms that would go from one level of existence into another through the different realms,

Through the different Kalpas,

Through the different,

The gods had that flame as well.

Humans had some of that flame,

As we know from other ideas.

So there are this understanding that existence must be like a flame.

Why does air exist?

Why does fire exist?

Why does dust exist?

Why does water exist?

There must be an element in all of these,

A principle that is also to be found in humans since humans are made out of the same four forces.

Well,

Then that must be the fifth force,

Existence,

That principle that drives the other four forces and the gods must have that as well.

So it's not the gods that puts the forces in motion,

It's that principle of existence that put everything either into form or takes it out of form because what takes things out of form,

That must be when that flame is extinguished.

Then forms must fall apart.

When that is removed from it,

Does it then mean that it migrates from one being into another being as in into one form into another form,

A form that is driven by forces and cravings and desires and hungers,

Not desires,

But hungers,

Yearnings,

Thirst,

Wants to be fed.

If you remove the existence,

The flame from that,

Will that form then fall apart?

Will that then cease to be in beingness?

So we're here talking about beings that are made out of the forces and then you have the existence that can migrate from one state of beingness into another state of beingness.

And that principle,

The fifth principle that keeps all of the forces together is existence,

But has existence,

Yearnings.

Has it hunger?

Has it thirst?

Existence itself,

Because there was existence in the void where there are no forms,

Where there are no forces,

Where there is no hunger,

Where there's no thirst,

And yet there was still existence.

Can existence go into non-existence?

And what does it take to take,

Since he had learned that all of the forms can fall apart and cease to exist,

So to speak,

Cease to be in beingness?

We need to be very clear here.

When he talks about the forms and the forces,

They're in beingness.

Existence itself does not need beingness.

It does not need forms,

It does not need the forces.

It can be in the void where there are none of this.

So existence in itself is a concept,

It's a principle,

Similar like beings.

They're in different states of these different forces.

Thereby,

Due to the wheel that the forces are on,

Are driven around and around and around in different expressions.

But existence,

You can remove existence out of beings in their different states.

So what is existence?

Can there be a non-existence?

So if you remove everything and you just sit with what's left,

That existence,

And I see him kind of,

He would like to hold it between his two fingers,

And then he would see it like a little filament of light,

Actually,

Like a little hair,

No bigger than that.

And he would close his eyes and he would then look at that hair of existence,

Even though that he knew that the moment he made it into a hair,

Then technically put it into form.

So he would then say,

Okay,

I can't put existence into form because then it becomes a being,

Then it goes into a state of beingness.

And if I take it out of the state of beingness and just work with it,

That's where kind of,

How do you work with something that's not tangible?

Something that's there but not there.

Something that's in existence but it's not a being.

It's not in beingness.

It exists,

But it's not in beingness.

And he sat with that for a very,

Very,

Very long time looking at existence that had no form,

That had no shape,

That were not manifesting itself by the forces,

But just was that existence as existence.

And that's interesting to sit and look at existence that is existence,

Because it does not give any answers because the answers come of the forms of the states,

Of the yearnings,

The cravings,

The hunger,

The thirst.

That's what gives us the answers when we look at something.

It gives us the answer because it needs to be fed.

It needs to be in some kind of beingness.

We need to construct some kind of idea of what it is.

We need to interact with it.

We need to give it form.

We need to give it explanations.

We need to give it all sorts of things from where it's being fed.

And by that,

It comes into a state of beingness from where we can interact with it.

And then we continue the cycles of keeping that,

Whatever that is,

Going on the wheel.

We feed it like water on the water mill,

And then it gives us some kind of sustenance because we are feeding it.

So if you stop feeding the wheel of the forces,

Then,

And go into that state of being aligned and pure and calm,

Then what we are left with is existence.

And then things go very,

Very,

Very quiet.

And just sitting with that existence,

Then the next difficult question is,

Is that what transmigrates,

Right?

Is existence that what transmigrates?

And if it is,

Then why does it?

Why does it?

If that's behind everything there is,

And we can't blame it on gods and whatever because they are also just made of forces and the same different types of elements like the rest of us in different,

All depending on the realms,

They're just made of different compositions or wherever they are,

But they are also driven by existence.

Everything rests upon existence,

Not going into being and not being in beingness.

That's just the forms or the more subtle forms or whatever realm it's in.

It's just this whole enormous big scenario of all sorts of things that behind all of that,

Is existence.

And for that,

I don't really think that he actually had,

He did not have any answers,

Which is interesting because this is not an answer that can be given.

This is not something you can talk about.

This is the insights,

Sitting with existence as foundation.

It's worthless.

There's no point in trying to explain this.

This is just where we end.

When the body's quiet and when the mind is saturated with not,

With having,

This is interesting because the way he kind of put it is this,

When your body's saturated with no sustenance and when your mind is saturated with no processes of the mind,

So where everything we are has come into this calm state of understanding,

Of knowing that there is no need for craving.

There is no need for thunger,

Hunger and thirst,

That thunger.

There is no longer this wheel that runs around and pushes us in all sorts of direction.

There's just this state of calm.

The body is calm and aligned since it,

Let us put it this way,

Let's personify it a little bit.

The body is calm and in this state of calm because the root of its existence has been found.

That's the forces and it's now,

The point of understanding has now come to this very clear understanding that since the elements are behind our physical form and they are by the wheel of all existences that comes into beingness and into state of beingness is driven by,

In a way,

We kind of say existence is enslaved by the forms that it must take part of.

Let us play with that idea for a while.

So it's not free.

So existence itself must be freed from the forms,

The cravings,

The yearnings,

The thirst,

The hunger and extrapolated from all of these forces and then go into pure existence.

So the body then understands that it can calm down and no longer needs to yell for something because it has been saturated with the knowledge of what it is.

The moment the body understands what it is,

It grows calm.

So the body has this sense of self as in yearning to be expressed as something that experiences its identity as searching for its identity.

So if the bodies come with,

You are these forces,

You are made of this,

This is who you are,

This is how you come into being,

This is how you have the different states,

You are yearning for that understanding.

The moment the body has that understanding and it's really felt that,

Oh,

I am part of the world,

I'm made of the world,

The world is me,

I am the world,

As in then the body just goes into its natural purity or distillation where it aligns itself back into what it's made of and no longer feels the distance,

No longer feels that it's no longer connected.

It aligns itself with what it's made of and that calms the body.

And once the body knows that,

Then it no longer searches for the understanding of what it is because now it knows what it is.

So it becomes,

It loses its sense of self and becomes part of the world.

And once the body does that and merge with the forces of the world and aligns itself back with what it came from as if it had been taken from the world itself and put into a form where it didn't belong,

Then it stops having thirst and hunger and craving because it's now part of the world from where it aligns itself and with that reaches the sense of tranquility.

And the mind no longer search for answers and knowledge and understandings and ideas and concepts and all sorts of constructs of mind because it has understood that its true purpose is not to process,

Crave,

Consume,

Take in,

Work with all sorts of concepts and ideas and constructs and thought forms,

But actually to become silent and observe and just function.

That calmness,

That still point where it's just waiting for,

It's not even waiting,

It's just this acknowledgement of that there is really no end to the thirst for knowledge.

You can continue the thirst for knowledge.

The brain wants to be fed with thought forms,

With ideas so that it,

Again,

We personify the brain.

The brain thinks I exist because I'm thinking as we know from Descartes,

Right?

It has this idea that if we keep feeding it with thought forms and ideas and information and what have you,

Then it has its purpose,

But it's disconnected from the world that it's part of.

It's disconnected from the rest of the body.

It's disconnected from its true purpose.

It's pointless.

It's ongoing,

Going on and on and on and on,

And it keeps being more and more hungry,

But it doesn't saturate it.

It's endless hunger.

So the only way to stop the hunger is to distill it into the understanding and the true knowledge that what is the true knowledge is what arises from the world itself,

Not what we make it to be,

Not what we want it to be,

Not what I want it to be,

But what actually is,

What truly is.

That's all the knowledge we need,

And the body needs to know that it's part of the world as well.

It's not disconnected from it.

It's part of everything there is,

And with that,

It's no longer hungry for the understanding of who am I.

The body now knows the world and it is connected.

That's what we are.

It's like this hungry,

Blind man that is,

The body's like a hungry,

Blind man that doesn't know what he's looking for because he can't see it,

And he's hungry because he doesn't know where his food is.

So the moment the body understands that it's part of the world via the four elements,

The body stops being hungry and it stops craving a sense of self.

The moment the mind is saturated and no longer gets the fodder where it has a purpose of self or sense of self,

A sense of I do this because,

Also disconnected,

And it reconnects with the true knowledge that comes with the insights of reality as it truly is,

Really connecting to the realms of existence,

Then the mind goes silent because then it knows and it no longer searches for knowledge because it's saturated with being reconnected and remembering where and what and how and everything that goes on.

And once we get to that connection,

That level of true existence where we're just aligned with everything there is,

We thereby also reconnect to the understanding of existence itself,

Where existence and our body and our mind no longer has the need to express itself as a self,

But just becomes aligned with the macrocosmos,

That we are the microcosmos in macrocosmos,

That the body is part of the elements,

The mind is part of the forever reality as it truly is,

What it expresses itself to be.

Whatever is there,

Whatever rises up and falls away,

Whatever comes into our sphere of experience,

Whatever is there,

The mind is just observing this and can no longer need to say,

I am this compared to that,

I am this in opposition to that,

Or it doesn't need to define itself.

The mind stops defining itself.

The body stops craving the sensation of existence,

Of being,

No,

Stop craving the sense of beingness,

Not existence,

But beingness.

Then the body just exists.

Then the mind just exists.

Then the world just exists.

And then everything goes into this perfect harmony where there is no thirst,

There is no hunger,

There is no craving,

There is no sense of self,

There is no,

I am this,

I am that,

I need this,

I need that.

There's no wheel that runs around.

There is no sense of meaninglessness because in this level of existence where everything's get interconnected,

Where we become one with all there is literally,

That's where this light begins to come in.

That's where this light begins to fluctuate in us.

That's where existence begins to show us what existence is.

It's a type of light.

And with that light also come this,

How this light burns away.

It's not fire,

But it's a light that burns away everything.

It just burns away the holsters around us.

It burns away the fields of the mind.

It burns away the fields of the body.

It burns away the forces.

The forces go calm.

They extinguish,

They are no,

The wheel burns away.

All that's left is light.

That's all that's left.

And once that light begins to burn away everything,

Purge everything,

Clear everything,

Because we've seen the world as it truly is.

We've seen it as forces,

As dynamics,

As hunger,

Thirst,

Cravings.

We have eradicated all of that in a natural manner because we have aligned with reality as it truly is.

And the mind is observing,

Understanding,

And acknowledging as it's supposed to.

Then we are in complete calm and tranquility because we are in equanimity with the world.

We are in equanimity with our mind and with our existence.

And once that equanimity has been reached,

There's nothing but light.

And that light burns away all of the shells that we have that are driven by search for yearning,

For craving,

For thirst,

For whatever it is that we are in search of.

And when we reach that level of existence and light,

Then there are none of these personality structures that search for something because each and one of these cravings and yearnings and hungers are all related to a sense of self that wants to achieve something.

So the moment that that dissipates and there are no longer a sense of self that search for something,

But there is just alignment with the body and the world and the forces are then in alignment with each other and by that levels each other out and extinguish this distance,

This gap that creates yearning and craving.

And we are now one with everything there is.

And the mind understands that it is the means of observation and investigation and can be turned on and switched on.

And it goes into tranquility and the sense of being in balance in equanimity with everything there is.

Then the mind stops having the need to position itself.

There's no need to construct all of these ideas and thought forms because it doesn't need to position itself.

It's also part of everything there is.

And the world is observed as truly is,

As these fluctuating forces that comes in and out of beingness,

In and out of form.

And behind all of that is existence.

And existence,

Once that is met correctly,

Wherever it is,

It turns into light.

And once light comes in,

Everything begins to burn away.

And everything that's left is light.

And then also existence as the transmigrating principle ceases to exist.

So that's the insight for today.