Part 5/7 Truth-Telling, Boundaries & Intimacy

Hello and welcome back.

This is Jacqueline Urban Luna with Urban Luna Coaching.

And today is part five of our seven part series extracted from my book,

Your Body and Its Natural Eros.

And today is an inquiry into your throat center,

The intelligence of your voice.

The fifth chakra,

The fifth wisdom center,

Is the first of the upper chakras,

Right?

After the bridge of the heart,

Which we talked about in the last audio.

And what's so powerful about the voice,

The wisdom of our voice,

Our throat center,

Is the ability to put in the world through the vibration of your voice,

Through words,

Through expression,

An actual manifestation of who you are and what you are creating.

The throat center is really a vehicle,

It's a channel where our truth moves from our internal world into the external quite viscerally through sound,

Through sound vibration.

And not only through sound vibration,

Through any sort of self-expression.

So this could be through dance and movement.

This could be,

You know,

Other actions that you take.

The underlying thread in all of these actions and expressions is a manifestation of your truth.

Who you choose to be and what you choose to create in the world.

I'm going to focus mostly on the voice and sound and language.

Because as we talked about in the lower chakras,

Like the third chakra,

Particularly when we talked about our willpower and being willing to take action out the world and to have influence in the world,

To actually impact and have,

You know,

To have influence,

Which there comes a sacred responsibility with that.

And so there is a relationship here between the third chakra and the fifth chakra in this very overt action taking quality.

The focus on the third chakra is was really about willingness to do whatever it takes to draw from the inner well of your power.

To go out and make waves in the world.

Right.

And so it's really it's like the you could think of the third chakra as being the pilot light almost right.

Like the ignited spark that has you propelled into action.

Right.

And then the fifth chakra,

The throat center is the actual execution that results from that initiated movement from third chakra.

Right.

The willingness to have influence,

The willingness to know from the third chakra what what each moment needs.

As far as leadership,

Does this moment need a softer stroke of truth or does this moment need a sharper stroke of truth?

Right.

So that's what the third chakra is really feeling for.

Also informed.

Right.

By the other chakras,

The the seasonal energies,

The pleasure,

The timing of the second chakra,

The very essential connection to truth and desire of the first chakra and our sense of belonging.

And then,

You know,

Moving through from the third chakra,

Taking that willingness to influence others and to and to impact each moment with whatever stroke of truth is being asked to move through us,

Through this heart that bridges right the heart that bridges polarities,

That bridges paradox,

That bridges emotional alchemy,

That has us moving through a portal of alchemizing what there is to alchemize.

To to recover ourselves and remember ourselves through that emotional alchemy.

And so from that space,

Right,

Of this initiated action and willpower,

We execute it through the throat.

So I just I felt like it's important to to back up and paint how these chakras really inform one another.

And there's this the throat chakra is primarily the execution of,

You know,

In our human life of of the actual happenings in the world.

Like,

What is the actual creation that we are putting out in the world?

What are the words that we are actually articulating?

What are the projects that we are actually putting in,

Investing our time,

Money,

Energy,

All our resources into?

If you just look in your life,

You'll see you'll see where you invest your resources and you'll see what you what you're up to and what you're most committed to by the results that you have in your life.

That's not black and white.

There are nuances to this.

Right.

We live in a collective world.

There are systemic and collective influences.

I'm not speaking to in this moment.

There are,

You know,

Nuances in our soul path that that bring opportunities and growth opportunity,

You know,

Growth opportunities and all these pieces into our life as part of our soul path.

And there's as we co-create with our soul path and our purpose and we co-create with the systems that be and work to to evolve the systems that that exist in the collective,

All these pieces.

There's an opportunity to to really affect change in the world through these manifestations,

Through our voice and and the results that we create in our lives.

And so when you look,

You know,

The lens we've been looking at in the last couple audios has been how do I create money that feels abundant?

How do I create wealth?

How do I receive this birthright of of wealth and financial abundance?

How do I create the next level of intimacy and passion in my relationship?

How do I open to receive the love connection,

Depth,

Passion that's already available here now?

And a big part of answering these two questions is really comes down to what are you investing in and what are you creating with your word?

With what you are actually.

What projects are you creating and putting your time and energy into in the world?

What do you speak into the world?

How do you respond to the world?

How do you respond to money?

How do you speak about money?

How do you speak wealth into the world or how do you speak the opposite lack into the world?

How do you speak fulfillment and love in your relationship?

Or the opposite,

How do you speak about dissatisfaction?

So when you we speak of these things,

We've heard this a million times and a million different ways that our thoughts create a reality and our words create a reality.

And so there is a way that we can start to notice,

Catch ourselves,

What am I actually speaking?

And in putting it's like speaking is taking the thought and putting it into form in the world.

I mean,

Thoughts themselves are already so powerful.

Thoughts create form in the world,

Too.

And then we're upping the ante with adding sound vibration to those thoughts.

It amplifies it.

So another way to think of the wisdom of the throat center is it's an amplifier of who we want to be and what we want to create with our money and our love life.

So what are we speaking into our money?

What are we speaking into our finances?

What are we speaking into our love life and our relationships?

And then,

You know,

Shifting into somewhere,

But it feels more like nuts and bolts or practical grounded pieces around the throat center.

Aside from what are we creating with our word is where do we withhold the truth?

Where do we know the truth?

Like we feel the truth.

We've talked about in the root center and we can feel this desire,

But we don't share it.

We withhold it.

Sometimes we even withhold it from ourselves.

Right.

Like we deny it or we hold it within ourselves,

But then we don't share it with the people that it would make a difference to.

So,

You know,

With money,

For example,

Where is something that you would love to invest in?

Right.

You feel deep down and pulsing root chakra.

This truth of like,

I am feeling really called to invest financially in this home.

There's a home that's calling to me.

I'm invested in or it could be this investment opportunity.

I'm feeling really called to explore cryptocurrency,

Like from a really deep led,

You know,

Intuitive place from the root chakra.

But you don't have the conversation out loud.

You don't actually have the conversation with the people related to real estate and creating a home for yourself.

You don't actually go and create the connections to manifest what you would love.

You keep it as like a wish.

Same with the investment in like cryptocurrency.

You might be just like a wish on your mind,

But you don't actually go and manifest it and have conversations with people.

And when we start just notice when you start having conversations and speaking what you're up to with.

And this could be with anybody.

Just even have to be the people who directly make a difference,

Like the real estate agent or,

You know,

Crypto experts.

Tell the person at the,

You know,

The grocery store when they ask how your day is going,

Say my day is going great.

I'm so excited.

I'm looking into investing into a new home or I have been learning about crypto and it's blowing my mind.

It's like the more we speak what we would love to create in the world,

The more it's amplified and the more we withhold it.

Well,

Then it's not amplified.

There's no there's not as much energy moving into what we want to create.

And with our love lives,

We can look where we withhold here.

So there could be small grievances that we have with our partners,

Like little things like when,

You know,

For example,

Your partner might have said something that that hurt your feelings,

But you brushed it off because not a big deal or you don't want to like rock the boat or,

You know,

Just doesn't feel worth bringing up.

But it actually kind of,

You know,

Pinged your heart and there was a hurt there.

Now there's a place to share these this kind of truth with accountability.

So then you get to look and go,

Oh,

When my partner said whatever,

It could be something about the way your shirt looked on you and you and maybe it felt like they were criticizing you.

Let's just say or maybe it was a criticism,

You know,

Either way.

And you didn't actually share vulnerable the impact that their words had and you've been withholding it and it's been hurting.

And then there becomes some disconnect because you're you're not really sharing yourself with them.

You're hiding part of yourself,

Part of your experience with them.

And and so first it's like,

OK,

Let me take responsibility for this here.

What what's hurt?

What was hurtful about it for me?

And how can I share that vulnerability?

Like,

Wow,

Can I tell you something I was too shy to tell you the other day or,

You know,

Whatever,

However you want to say it.

I chose not to say it the other day,

But I when you said that comment about my shirt really struck a chord in it.

It hurt.

And then I felt kind of embarrassed.

I didn't want to tell you about it at the time,

But it reminded me of this time,

Whatever,

You know,

Whatever it's bringing you back to when I was in middle school and I was changing in the locker room and they made fun of my clothes or who knows what it is.

But there's there was a moment and we can just share that vulnerability with them.

And it's not about blaming them or judging them or lashing out.

It's just saying,

Wow.

And so I it was really an opportunity for me to revisit that moment in middle school,

The locker room.

And it just it just brought back that little,

You know,

12 year old in me.

And.

Yes,

I'm realizing I have more sensitivity around around my clothing than I thought.

And,

You know,

Can you be more mindful about that in the future?

Something along those lines now.

There is there are times also,

You know,

For larger grievances or if there really was some biting criticism or there's a larger concern that's not being met in the relationship,

For example.

Like they say for the longest time in my relationship,

I really wanted like these deep intellectual conversations with my husband.

And that's just not his design.

He's not a philosophical,

Intellectual,

Waxing,

Poetic like me,

Which is what I love so much about him more and more and more.

And before it was something I really had a hard time accepting because I really wanted to be met.

I wanted to experience this resonance or what I would call it being met in these deep intellectual conversations because they were so nourishing for me.

And so I kept making it wrong that he he couldn't meet me there and I would ask for him to meet me there and like ask me questions like,

You know,

When I share things with you,

Ask me more questions.

And when I ask you questions,

I want to hear really deep answers.

And it's just not,

You know,

To get we've been together nine years now and now I actually frankly find it a relief that I don't have to go so deep with him because I've spent so much of my life otherwise going so deep,

You know.

And so it teaches me so much about simplicity and humility and connection inside of that.

It's certainly not superficial,

Although that was part of my judgment on it before.

So like there's a depth to simplicity is what I'm saying.

But the point is,

Is that my communication,

Like for some people,

They weaponize their quote unquote truth.

Like the truth is,

Is that,

You know,

You need to learn how to be more intellectual or something like that,

You know,

And that's not a truth.

The vulnerable thing is would say something like the truth is,

Is that I'm noticing this deep hunger for me to to experience these profound intellectual connection with you.

And I'm so sad that that's not something that we share.

And I've been feeling into it and I've been really relying on you to like requiring you to meet me there as opposed to nourishing that hunger of mine in other ways,

Like with other women or mentors or learning and having deep conversations in classes and workshops.

I've been discounting all of that or not investing in those other options and just really relying on you to fulfill this.

And that's not fair.

And so,

You know,

There could be communication around that or could be noticing like it's really non-negotiable for you.

So this is a bigger topic and I get into this in my other work.

But if it really feels like actually I really need like for me,

I really want a partner who who can meet me in deep intellectual conversation.

Right.

I discovered for myself personally that I don't need that.

I wanted it and thought I needed it.

But in fact,

I don't.

For my partner,

I can you know,

I found so much nourishment in the conversations that we do have.

And then the deep,

You know,

Philosophical waxing poetic I found elsewhere and it really worked for me.

And so sometimes that's available for people and sometimes it's not.

Sometimes you really discover that actually I do need this for my partner.

And so for some people,

They you know,

That's a non-negotiable.

They need a partner who can wax poetic and deep philosophical with them.

And in that case,

Then you have a really intimate truth telling conversation.

But it's from a place of already full acceptance.

Like there's nothing wrong with the other person.

There's nothing wrong with the relationship.

It's just like,

Hey,

I'm just noticing that this is I actually need this.

And it's just like a very honest,

Vulnerable,

Exposed thing to share because you don't know if your partner can meet you there.

And and,

You know,

It's possible that your partner could say,

I'd like to meet you there.

I'm going to look into how I can do that,

You know,

And what that could look like.

And you get to create that,

Co-create that together.

What could that look like?

I think that you there more in that intellectual arena.

And there might be still some ways that you that you choose to get that met elsewhere in addition to two with your partner,

But that they're willing to really meet you there.

With me and my partner,

For example,

Like we do it a little bit and we have these beautiful question cards,

Like conversation starter cards.

And so we'll just pick two or three whenever we feel like it.

And we'll ask each other these two or three questions.

And that really provides a lot of that nourishment for meaningful dialogue that doesn't feel like super intense,

Like,

You know,

Really deep into emotionality.

Because that's just that's just not the way that works best for us,

You know,

For him specifically.

And so we found that these meaningful questions work for us.

So you get to find different ways that,

You know,

Your partner can meet you there in that place or your partner might be like,

Actually,

I'm not really willing to to meet you there at all.

Like,

Not because I don't like like a part of them might want to,

But they're just the willingness to do whatever it takes back to the third chakra.

Like they might just not be willing to.

There could be a sense in their soul,

Honestly,

Is what it comes down to.

It's not an ego thing.

It's more of like what's true is that their soul is just like,

I'm not that's not my ride.

It's not where my path's headed to develop myself in this meeting you in this intellectual way.

Right.

And so that's just an example.

You know,

For my husband,

You know,

He could meet me to a certain extent.

And then I had to decide if that worked for me.

And for some people,

It would.

Some people wouldn't,

You know.

And so you get to decide in these truth telling conversations what is actually true for you.

And so that really talks about that's really about,

You know,

Bringing boundaries in a way.

And boundaries.

What I love about boundaries is it's really an invitation to intimacy.

Boundaries are a way of saying,

Like,

Hey,

This is what I actually need in it.

You know,

And you can get a specific as what's actually true and then notice where you have attachment to form or preferences.

Like,

Oh,

It has to look like we talk for an hour every day.

Maybe that's not true.

Maybe it's like as long as we talk at some point during this week about a really meaningful conversation.

I don't care if it's two minutes or five hours.

It's the,

You know,

The quality of the question or the dialogue itself,

Not the length.

Right.

So we can get attached to these preferences of what we think it should like,

Should look like.

It should look like an hour every day.

And then we get hung up on that.

So that's just a good place to notice with boundaries what's actually what's actually true for you.

And then when you invite someone into this,

You know,

Boundary or creation of what you what you're a stand for in the relationship,

Like I'm a stand for,

You know,

A certain amount of depth in my relationship.

Therefore,

We we do these these conversation starter cards every now and then.

And I do it based it's not unlike a structure like once a month.

It's when I feel I can feel the desire to have those kind of conversations and then I'll invite him into it.

And he may or may not be up for it in that moment.

And then,

You know,

You can circle back to it at another time.

So it's a dance.

It's feeling into what's actually true.

What what is there for me to share?

What am I withholding?

And what are the boundaries that actually invite intimacy?

What is the thing that I'm a stand for that actually invites my partner to get to know me even better?

When I share with my partner,

Like that's really important for me to have this,

You know,

Intellectual conversation every now and then.

That has us feeling closer versus oftentimes boundaries are put up as like a wall.

Like if you don't meet me here,

Then I'm just going to have to hold you at arm's length.

Like that's not that's not the point of boundaries.

It's it's actually an invitation to come closer and into what is your stand for and what's meaningful for you and what you value.

But that's what boundaries are always about.

It's like,

Hey,

This is what I really value.

Can you meet me here?

And if you could,

What would that look like in a way that works for both of us?

So,

Yeah,

This is a powerful wisdom center,

The place where we speak into our money.

We speak into our relationships with our word,

With our declarations,

With who we be.

And and it's the place where we tell the truth and notice where we withhold the truth from ourselves and from others who are directly involved and in general.

And we get to see how we can be more free and liberated with sharing what we're up to,

Sharing our truths.

And specifically when it comes to sharing truths about our money,

It can be sensitive and sharing truths in our relationships can be sensitive.

So where can we create boundaries with our money,

Boundaries with our relationships?

That is an invitation to intimacy with our money,

An invitation to intimacy with our partner.

Not a barrier to.

So,

So much wisdom to be had in the throat center.

And if you want to go deeper,

You're more than welcome to share in the comments below.

What are you seeing for yourself?

In in what you speak into your money,

Into your love life.

Share the comments.

I'll come back and respond if you have any questions or just to comment on your beautiful insights.

And where do you see that you withhold the truth to yourself or from others around your money,

Around your in your love life and your relationships?

And how do you create boundaries that invite intimacy?

How do you stand for something without making the other person or the situation wrong?

How do you stand for what you would love and invite others into that place to meet you there for the sake of intimacy?

So those are some really powerful windows and inquiries.

And I look forward to seeing what you share in the comments.

And if you want to go even deeper,

I love supporting people with this.

And you can find more information on how to connect with me at my bio.

There's a link there that you can connect with me if you have any questions and feel free to reach out.

I look forward to connecting with you soon.