The Myth Of Forgiveness Chapter 5

Lauren paused at a photograph of Nico and Nathan spilling out of the school doors,

Their faces lit up with the urgency of childhood.

If the picture could have spoken,

It would have told the story of Elena,

Waiting each afternoon at those very doors,

Where she first met Bree's dad.

The warmth of the smiles they exchanged moved into talking about the love for their children,

All the various activities the kids were involved in.

Yet inside,

They were each wondering how they might extend their daily conversations.

There was this immediate,

Unspoken understanding between them,

Undertones of grief,

Sensitivities at the surface,

And a deep loneliness.

Elena understood more about this when David opened up about losing his wife to cancer a few years ago,

And what it was like to be the single father,

Raising his daughter.

Their friendship developed in this way for seven months,

Until Bree ended up in the hospital undergoing a series of tests,

With her dad on the edge,

Fearing the worst.

Elena was with him while waiting on the test results,

Bringing a thermos of calming tea and muffins to help pass the time.

Elena sat beside David,

Their shoulders almost touching on the hard plastic chairs,

Watching him turn his cup in endless circles without drinking.

Three hours they'd been waiting for Bree's test results,

Three hours of Elena fighting the urge to reach for his hand.

She's strong,

Elena offered quietly,

Though they both knew strength had very little to do with what the doctors might find.

David nodded,

His jaw tight.

Sarah used to say that too,

Right up until.

.

.

He didn't finish.

He never finished sentences about Sarah anymore.

Elena understood.

There were so many sentences she couldn't finish either,

About Michael,

About the life she had with him that felt increasingly like a performance,

About the way her heart had begun to beat differently in those seven months since she started looking forward to school pickups,

And not just for her boys,

But for the way he'd smile when he spotted her across the parking lot.

She pulled the thermos from her bag once again and poured the chamomile tea,

More out of nervousness,

Noticing the steam rising between them,

Carrying the scent of honey and lavender.

You didn't have to come,

David said,

Accepting the fresh cup.

I wanted to.

The words hung in the air,

Carrying more weight than they should.

Seven months of careful friendship,

Of appropriate distance,

Of telling herself this was just two parents supporting each other through the challenges of raising children with absent partners.

Seven months of pretending she didn't find excuses to linger in conversations,

Didn't go to bed thinking about what it might feel like to be held by someone who understood loss the way she was beginning to.

Elena,

He said,

And her name in his voice sounded like something she could really get used to.

She should have looked away.

She should have made some comment about the weather,

Or asked about Bree's favorite foods to distract him,

Or done any of the thousand things a responsible mother and wife would do in that moment.

Instead,

She met his gaze and let him see everything she'd been hiding.

The air between them had changed,

Charged with electricity.

The moment was interrupted when Dr.

Martinez emerged with Bree's test results,

Inconclusive.

More waiting required,

But her condition was stable.

Elena watched David's relief flood through him.

They could visit her room now.

She watched him gather his daughter into his arms and felt her heart break and soar simultaneously.

This was love,

She realized.

This crushing,

Impossible,

Beautiful thing that made her want to run toward him and away from him at the same time.

With Bree slowly getting better,

They started meeting Tuesdays and Thursday mornings after the kids were in school,

Then whenever he could get away from his consulting work.

Sharing moments that felt like coming alive,

Like discovering she had a body that was her own,

Desires that belonged to no one but her.

David touched her like she was something precious he'd found after searching for years,

Kissed her like he was trying to memorize the taste of her,

Held her afterward like he couldn't believe she was real.

Elena discovered parts of herself she'd buried so deep she'd forgotten they existed.

She laughed until her sides hurt.

She talked about books,

About dreams she'd had before marriage,

And how motherhood reshaped her into an entirely new version of herself.

David listened like her words were music,

Responded like her thoughts mattered,

Touched her body in ways she'd only dreamed of.

What are we doing?

She asked one afternoon,

Her head on his chest,

Listening to his heartbeat,

Slow and rhythmic.

We're loving each other,

He said with honesty that felt real.

I know we are,

But I have this creeping fear that we have to stop.

His hand stilled.

I know.

I can't live without my boys.

Michael,

He'd destroy me in court.

If he found out,

He'd take them away.

I just can't.

I know,

He repeated,

Turning her face towards his.

I've always known.

The next time they met,

They sensed a distance.

The grief between them felt palpable as they held each other's gaze at a coffee shop.

Elena felt her heart break in ways she didn't even know were possible.

All of this was love,

Not just the wanting and the having,

But the letting go.

She was choosing her children's needs and keeping the family stable over her own deepest desires,

The unbearable weight of carrying something beautiful and impossible inside you all at once.

When Elena returned home that afternoon,

She found Nico in the kitchen,

His intent eyes watching her with an expression too old for his face.

Mom,

He said carefully.

Are you okay?

She almost laughed out loud at the question.

Was she okay?

She was more herself than she'd been in years,

And the most brokenhearted she'd ever felt.

She was carrying a love that would have to live in silence,

In the space between heartbeats,

In stolen glances across a school parking lot that she'd somehow have to learn to make casual again.

I'm fine,

Sweetheart,

She said,

Kissing his forehead,

Tasting the lie in her words.

As boys,

Nico and Nathan didn't know that their mom couldn't follow her heart,

Couldn't love who she truly chose.

All they knew was at some level,

Their father made it seem like a woman's desires were dangerous luxuries that could destroy everything.

As she went through the motions of dinner preparation and homework supervision,

Elena understood something her own mom had tried to teach her through silence.

Sometimes the deepest loves were the ones that lived in secret,

That taught you who you really were,

Even as they demanded you remain someone else.

She would hold David's memory,

The sound of her name in his voice,

The way he'd made her feel alive,

The depth of love they shared into all her remaining days.

She would carry it like her mother had carried whatever love she'd been forced to abandon,

Like her grandmother before her had carried the weight of desires deemed too dangerous for a woman to choose.

She wondered in quiet,

If in the carrying of it all,

If she was teaching her son something about the heart's capacity to hold contradictions,

That the deepest love sometime demanded the greatest sacrifices,

Along with the truth that love is rarely simple,

That it could hold both tenderness and consequence in the same breath.

The weight of impossible love,

Elena felt those words run through her body as she let out an exhale.