Unity

Hey everyone,

Welcome to the Wake Up Call.

This is Judy Cohen and this is Wake Up Call 285 and Joe Biden is now the president.

So we've been talking about joy and personally,

I'm feeling quite a bit of joy right now knowing that we have a person who,

To me,

Is competent and compassionate leading the US and we have a woman as second in command,

A Black and Indian American woman.

It's something that I always hoped I'd see in my lifetime,

But I wasn't so sure,

Especially after 2016.

So I'm feeling a lot of joy right now and I wanted to point to Biden's messaging yesterday at the inauguration on unity,

Which is the title of today's call and which I agree with him is elusive,

But also I think really does point at joy.

So here on the wake up call,

Here on the wake up call,

I often talk about othering because we do so much othering in the law.

So I know a lot of you have been here a long time and you know what I mean,

But it's basically seeing the other side or opposing counsel or the other party as different,

The problem,

Not worthy of consideration,

Not really worthy of even of understanding or even more powerfully seeing the other side as the enemy.

And I've done this and I've said disrespectful things about opposing counsel or I've taken the side of public defenders and seeing DAs as the problem and vice versa.

I've seen ICE as the problem in the corporate realm.

I've heard friendly rivalry between firms sound a lot like unfriendly rivalry,

Like ill will.

And I've joined in that my fair share back in the day.

And you know,

We grow up in an adversary system.

So we are frankly,

We're taught to other almost as a matter of professional competence.

So of course,

We don't have any corner on this market just because we're in the law.

It's ubiquitous.

One profession dissing another,

One professional dissing another,

Lawyers getting dissed in general,

Little kids,

Teenagers,

Adults,

Everybody says terrible things about other people.

Other being the operative word.

My old friend who used to take the etiquette adage and turn it around and say,

If you can't say anything nice about someone,

Sit by me.

You know,

All of this is just the ways we overtly other.

And then there are also the ways we covertly or unconsciously see others as different,

Difficult,

The problem not worthy of our time,

Not worthy of our understanding.

So othering this unwillingness or inability on a conscious or unconscious level to see one another,

And especially that unwillingness or inability as it relates to our outgroups,

The groups we consider not ours,

Like DA's,

If you're a PD or ICE attorneys,

If you're an immigration attorney or black,

If you identify as white or white,

If you identify as a person of color,

The unwillingness or inability to have curiosity about everybody,

Including those in our outgroups to have compassion for one another.

This is,

I think,

Really what begets racism,

Nativism,

Sexism,

Religious hatred,

All of the ways we look at another human or group of humans and say,

Whether it's out loud or whether we say it to ourselves,

They aren't worthy of my consideration.

And it's not the only thing that begets these difficulties,

But it's one thing and it supports,

I think,

Supports white privilege,

White supremacy.

Maybe it's the foundation of white supremacy.

And as a mindfulness practitioner,

You can probably feel in your body how othering feels,

How it pulls you away rather than brings you closer to other people,

Especially people in your outgroups,

Your others.

So on a personal level,

I've realized something recently about this.

I've been sitting in a small Jewish group exploring white supremacy and Jewish identity.

And I realized that in my family and others in our small group had a similar realization.

It seems like it was a relief a couple of generations back when Jews became white,

Began to be considered white,

Because then in some instances anyway,

We stopped being considered other.

And you know,

Of course,

There are people in this country and elsewhere who don't know any Jews or many Jews or might for that or for other reasons,

More nefarious reasons,

See Jews as other.

But because Jews are mostly right now anyway in the U.

S.

Where I live considered white,

I feel relatively safe showing up as Jewish most of the time and mainly safe that most of the time I won't be othered.

Right?

So,

Yuriy,

If I'm understanding President Biden,

And he hasn't said that much yet,

But he's not,

I don't understand him to be saying that our goal is to not see our differences,

To not be members of in groups and out groups,

Because I don't think that's realistic.

And he's a devoted Catholic.

And I have to imagine that he sees other Christians and Jews and Muslims and Hindus and Buddhists and people following inspired by indigenous religions and other spiritual paths.

He sees us as different.

So I don't think he's saying we don't see our differences.

I hope he's not.

And instead of what I think I hope he's saying is that unity is about honoring and showing curiosity about and ultimately bridging those differences.

And I love the way that law professor Rhonda McGee writes about this in her wonderful book,

The Inner Work of Racial Justice,

Which if you don't have a copy of it,

I highly recommend that you get it.

And she talks about how two of the most foundational elements of mindfulness,

Insight and compassion,

Which she calls when she couples them,

Color insight,

Can support us in seeing our differences and then caring about one another in the midst of difference,

Staying awake in the midst of difference,

Staying curious to what we see and hear and come to know and understand about one another.

You know,

Staying kind no matter what.

And her elements of color insight are,

Number one,

Vastly oversimplifying a really intricate book.

So again,

I urge you to read it.

Number one for color insight,

The desire,

The will and the courage to turn towards race and racism and really look,

Developing a deep nuanced capacity to perceive and understand how race and racism operate in our lives and the lives of others,

Deepening our ability to be with others as they engage in this exploration as well without judging them and pointing the whole time towards healing.

And four is doing this not only for our own benefit,

But to heal racism in the collective systemic sense.

So I really love this model and I wonder if unity might not look a lot like color insight expanded and applied to all of the ways that we other.

You know,

The ways that we lawyers other in the adversary model,

But also the way we humans other in terms of immigration status,

Sexual preference,

Orientation,

Religious affiliation,

Gender,

National origin,

Privilege,

Privilege and the lack of privilege,

Class,

Caste and political affiliation.

You know,

And that's that's really where I find myself.

One of the places that I find myself very stuck is political affiliation.

You know,

The way that I other people who politically have a completely different view of the world than I do.

And I wonder if what's needed for unity and it feels to me like this is what's needed is simple,

Simple,

Of course,

But not easy.

You know,

Insight plus compassion,

Perceiving and understanding our own biases,

Developing and really deep and nuanced ability to understand the biases,

Non-judgmentally,

Kindly supporting family,

Friends,

Colleagues as they do that same work and pointing always in the direction,

Not only of individual,

But also collective and systemic healing.

I wonder if that's really not what's needed for unity.

It feels to me like it is.

And if it is,

If it is,

We can start today.

And what I love is something that I say all the time that I heard my teacher say the very first time I ever sat down to meditate,

Begin the meditation now.

So we can begin this beautiful,

Probably difficult,

For sure difficult,

In my experience difficult and maybe yours too,

But beautiful coupling of insight and compassion.

We can begin it now and then we can begin it again now and then we can restart now.

And so this practice of insight plus compassion can be a kind of moment to moment way of living our lives and of seeing one another and of being curious about one another and of being compassionate towards one another and maybe,

Maybe in an elusive kind of way,

Forming some kind of unity.

So let's sit.

So go ahead and wherever you are,

Wherever you are physically and also wherever you are sort of in your life right now in this moment,

Just settle in to be with whatever is here.

So maybe you're comfortable and feeling grounded and joyful and open and that's wonderful.

Just be with that.

And maybe you're feeling upset or maybe you're feeling agitated or ungrounded or confused or anything.

Just be with that.

So this process of insight as just being curious about what's here,

Seeing through the delusion that we can reject whatever is present or that we should feel differently or that there's something better happening in the next moment.

And instead just being with what's here.

Okay.

I was outside early this morning and just sitting quietly meditating and there was so much here and I was almost in tears with the sensation of how impossible it felt to be with the difficult things.

How easy it is to turn away,

More natural.

And yet can we just be here right now with whatever is here?

You.

And in being with what's here,

Can we turn toward and really see?

And can we see our preferences and the ways that we point towards what feels safe and familiar and maybe the ways that we turn away or shirk away or fear or have confusion around the things or the people.

I feel all them.

I don't know about you,

But I find this work to be so hard.

Mostly because what comes up is a lot of self judgment and so,

You know,

To turn towards the second component of compassion for me has to begin with self-compassion.

So if that's what's needed for you,

Then yeah,

Bring in some self-compassion.

You know,

You can put your hand on your heart or one hand on the heart and one hand on the belly.

You can just say something self-compassionate to yourself like,

Yeah,

This is hard work and I'm doing my best.

You And then if you want letting go of this specific or intentional practice and just taking a few breaths and coming back to forward to the joy of practice.

How fortunate it is to have these practices that we can do and do together.

Thank you everyone for being on the wake-up call.

There were a bunch of us here today.

There's 53 of us here.

Nice to see you all.

Take care.

Have a good Thursday and a good week and I'll see you next Thursday.