Silent Depths Beneath The Surf: Radiance Sutras Verse 106

Today we are reading from the Radiant Sutras.

The Radiant Sutras is a beautiful translation interpretation of the Vijnana Bhairava Tantra.

This is a beautiful book that comes out of the lineage of Kashmir Shaivism and the goal is to experience God,

Oneness,

Infinity in all things that we do.

So on the one hand we want to be able to experience happiness,

Joy,

Expansion and all that but we want to be able to do it in our lives.

We want to be able to do it while we're driving the car,

While we're doing dishes,

While we're making love,

While we're leading a board meeting,

Like whatever we want to be able to do it in our lives.

And so this book is a series of tiny little meditations or ideas that help us just turn the dials just a little bit because in our world we've learned how to be how we are by a thousand little movements,

A thousand little philosophies or things that have happened.

Very often when we try to ask ourselves why am I like the way I am?

Why do I have so much stress?

Why do I struggle to sleep?

Why do I have these weird ailments that don't go away?

Why does my mind obsess about these things?

What's wrong with me?

And we often seek,

Oh it was this big thing that did it.

It was this thing that one of my parents did.

It was this thing that happened to me when I was a child.

But the truth is it's all kinds of tiny things.

It's little things that a kid said to you when you were seven and then something else that happened in a class where maybe you were embarrassed or you felt ashamed or something that a parent did or a sibling or who knows.

Or it's just maybe even a philosophy that you have about life that this is what good people do or this is what smart people do or whatever.

And all of these little things build upon each other.

It's like a Rubik's Cube.

This one turns the Rubik's Cube this way.

This one turns the Rubik's Cube this way.

And by the time it's all done you kind of look at this Rubik's Cube or look at yourself and say how in the world did I end up here?

And to imagine that there's simply one turn of the Rubik's Cube that will set us straight just isn't true.

And so the Radiant Sutras is this series of 112 little turns of the Rubik's Cube.

And if we can just turn this one thing it sort of releases a pile of other ones as well.

So it's nice.

I really I really love this book because it gives it things to us in kind of bite-sized pieces.

So you guys ready?

Today we are on verse 106.

And so for anybody who's maybe joining for the first time or maybe joining in recent time,

Maybe you've been here for a few weeks,

We are on 106 of 112.

And it's all fine.

Like we can jump in any time.

But just to know that it's in quite an ethereal space now.

Some of the earlier Sutras kind of looked at emotions and difficulty and kind of more tangible things.

But by the time we're here at 106 we're really saying how do we experience the infinite?

And not the infinite out there.

The infinite that we are.

Like this is the whole thing about Tantra.

It isn't about connecting to an external God or an external Brahma or an external something.

When we connect with the infinite we're connecting to the infinite that we are.

And that's kind of where the book is right now.

So just as a context for where we are.

So let's all close our eyes.

Let's breathe deeply.

Expanding the belly as we inhale,

Contracting as we exhale.

Just take a couple long breaths so that we can get out of our head.

Forget about whatever we were just thinking about.

Really arrive right in this moment.

Set your mind free to wander anywhere it wants.

Think any thought.

Ride any wave.

Surge in any direction.

The instant a thought springs up,

Abandon it and move on.

Don't let the mind rest anywhere.

In this way gain entry to the bliss of the silent depths beneath the surf.

Where does that take you?

Where emotionally or what words float through your mind?

Dreamy.

Stillness.

Everywhere at once.

Calming the monkey mind.

The silent depths beneath the surf.

Deep depth.

Bliss of the silent depths of the surf.

First bit easy.

Letting go easier said than done.

I like the idea of not letting the mind land anywhere.

We can't control the thoughts but we can control the thinking about the thoughts.

Yes.

Thoughtless,

Wordless depth.

My mind went left,

Right,

Center and then below,

Under.

When I first read this I instantly was filled with almost an anxiety of what do you mean I have to let go of the thought?

Like this is important.

This thing I'm thinking about or this thing I'm constantly thinking about.

I can't just not think about it.

And it was intriguing that right away my attachment or the belief that these thoughts I'm having are very important.

It was really interesting.

It was like almost an instant rebellion inside of me.

And then the idea of if I had to think about another thought,

Is there even another thought?

This one thought is like so all-encompassing and it so owns me.

What will I even have another thought?

And how soon can I get back to the other thought?

Because I think it's really important.

A question arose,

How deep can one go?

And so this really intrigues me.

When thoughts come into our mind,

Especially thoughts that about topics we're very concerned about,

What if there's something going on in the life of someone we love?

How much time do we spend thinking about that?

Maybe there's something big going on in our life.

Maybe we're in pain.

Maybe there's something we're really struggling with.

And we start to realize that we're not just thinking that thought.

We're attached to the thought.

We're glued to it.

We actually cannot release this thought.

Sometimes we can get very depressed or very anxious.

Why?

How often when we're feeling anxious or depressed are we actually stuck on a thought that we are simply repeating over and over and over again?

And the challenge with the mind is we can think one thought,

One sentence,

One paragraph infinite numbers of times.

So it's a very interesting thing to really think about what are the thoughts that I don't want to let go of right now.

If every one of us kind of think about things that we are kind of perpetually thinking about.

And we sort of ask ourselves,

Why can't I let that one go?

And then what would the next thought be?

And this is the first part of this sutra.

It's almost like the thought rises,

Let go of it,

But go on to another one.

Can you guys feel that?

Like there's almost like a,

You have to give yourself permission to let go of the dock,

Like to let go of that thought and go find another thought.

Because it's funny because when I think about the serious thoughts about things that are serious in my life right now,

When I let that thought go,

The thought that my mind instantly goes to birds in the trees and chocolate and reading a book.

Like it actually weirdly goes to something that isn't serious at all.

It doesn't bounce from serious to serious.

It goes from serious to whatever.

Exactly.

And then the next thought one finds you let that one go.

And then you let the next one go and you let the next one go and you let the next one go and you let the next one go.

And suddenly you're alive again.

Not my favorite sutra.

I know I'm with you.

Not my favorite sutra.

What a fascinating challenge.

It's hard to let go when it's about my kids.

Exactly.

But then it asks us to question,

What is the benefit of being stuck on that thought?

Am I actually helping by staying stuck on the thought?

Because the thing is,

If we were actually problem solving,

We would be on to other thoughts.

But if we're just stuck somewhere,

We're just stuck.

I have things like,

I have a philosophy in my mind that says,

I should be thinking about this.

I have a philosophy that tells me that.

It's almost like I am wrong to go off and now think about something else.

And then so this asks us to look at that philosophy.

And the first thing I think of,

Especially when you mentioned that,

When it's hard to let go when it's about my kids,

Is I think about Abraham Hicks.

And if most people probably know Abraham Hicks,

But Esther Hicks is a woman who channels this collection of entities called Abraham.

They're very,

Very interesting.

And one of the things they teach is that they talk about something called a high-flying disc.

And this is kind of our highest,

Freest self,

Which we're going to circle back to in this Sutra.

And all of our solutions are found on the high-flying disc.

And that the solutions aren't found in our stressed out mind.

And so they had this story about this woman who ironically was really worried about one of her teenage children.

And she was just chewing about it.

And she just was so worried.

And she was just working herself into a state,

Which totally can relate to.

And Abraham said,

You won't find the solution in that state of mind.

And the key is to go and do something that makes you happy.

Because happiness and joy will put you on your high-flying disc.

And as soon as you're in that happiness joy space,

A solution will appear.

Which seems really counterintuitive.

That no,

No,

No,

I'm supposed to chew on this.

I'm supposed to work on it until I find a solution.

That's what you do.

You work on it.

You just,

This is our work ethic.

This is our focus.

This is what you do.

You don't leave it.

You have to focus on it.

So the idea of actually allowing your thoughts to flow onto something else and that a solution will come from something else,

From being in a different state of mind,

That's a radical thought.

That's a radical philosophy.

And so back in the chat here,

Kathy says,

The moment has depth that a word or words cannot give full meaning to.

And this is what's really interesting,

Is that very often we think that we are the waves on top of the ocean.

We think that life is the stresses in our life,

Us solving the problems,

You know,

The ups and downs.

And like if you look at the top of an ocean,

Right,

You think,

Oh that's me,

That's my mind.

I'm all these waves up and down.

Or I'm calm.

That I'm either calm or I'm crazy.

Right,

That's who I am.

But the reality is you are the whole ocean.

Regardless of what's going on on the surface,

You are the depth of the ocean.

So imagine that for a moment.

Imagine that we have things in our lives that we really care about or that we're concerned about.

And they matter.

Tantra isn't about escaping life,

Transcending our loved ones.

That is not the journey of tantra.

Tantra is about remembering that we are the whole ocean.

But we get caught up in all the oscillation and the agitation of the thoughts on the surface.

And the circumstances on the surface.

And our fears on the surface.

So this meditation asks us,

Let go of the agitation on the surface.

It doesn't go away.

It isn't that your consciousness doesn't still hold those things or it doesn't still care about them.

But we need to access the rest of us.

We need to access the infinite parts of ourselves.

The depth of ourselves.

And that's where this sutra is magical.

Because a thought comes in and you let it go.

And you wait for another thought to come.

And then that thought comes and you let it go.

Basically what's happening is you are noticing a wave and letting that wave go.

And just imagine this.

Imagine you're on the surface of the ocean that you are.

So you are on the surface and you see this wave and you're reacting to the wave.

Then you let that wave go.

And then another wave comes and you notice that wave.

And you let that go.

And it's almost like your being starts to encompass more of the ocean.

Every time you let it go,

You encompass a bit more and a bit more.

All of the things in our lives we want to help and sort.

We actually can do it better when we're the whole ocean.

When we bring our full selves to the table.

Our divine self and our physical self.

But when we get too caught up in the physical self,

We forget the divine half.

We forget that aspect of us.

And that's what this sutra is all about.

It's okay that there's stuff on the surface.

What else?

What else?

What else?

What else?

I'm attached to thinking about how obsessed we can become about anything.

Like it doesn't even matter what it is.

It could be money.

It could be paying rent.

It could be your business.

It could be the job you have.

It could be trauma from your childhood.

It could be trauma from yesterday.

It could be the state of the world.

It could be anything.

So in tantra,

The ego,

If you imagine two ends of a spectrum.

On one end of the spectrum,

We are all pure energy.

We are pure divinity.

And on the other end of the spectrum,

We are fully human.

We are finite.

We are individual.

We each have an individual path to walk.

And every single person here right now is utterly unique.

If we lined all of us up and to say,

We are all one,

We are all the same.

You kind of look at whoever said it and said,

I don't know what you're looking at.

But every single person here is having such an absolutely unique experience here on earth.

What are you talking about?

So those are the two ends of the spectrum.

Our absolute uniqueness and our oneness divinity consciousness.

So in tantra,

They look at how do we have this?

How can we be fully omnipotent,

Omniscient,

God selves,

And little old Katrina living in Goddridge,

Ontario,

Canada.

Well,

There's all these mental constructs that basically take this infinite energy and kind of focus it into a singular point that we're going to call Katrina,

Or Carla,

Or Angie,

This point.

And that particular person has a limited way of thinking and a limited amount of power.

And they have a certain identity and they live in time and space.

And that is this individual person.

And inside of that brain,

We interpret the world around us,

We have an intellect,

We have judgment,

We have all these lovely things.

That combination is our ego.

In tantra,

That's what ego is.

And it's not a bad thing.

Ego in Latin means I am.

So by creating this limited version of reality,

All in the head,

We create an ego,

We create a chance to be a person.

So the challenge in life is that all of those thoughts that are in our mind,

They are exactly what makes up our ego.

Imagine if you were building a building and you had all the trusses and the bricks and everything,

All of those pieces of wood and brick are your thoughts.

And all together,

They make up who you are,

They make up your ego.

So the idea of letting go of the bricks and the mortar and the wood and whatever,

It's very uncomfortable.

This is who I am.

I'm someone who cares about these things.

I'm someone who I solve problems.

That's who I am.

That's who this person,

Ego,

This is who Katrina is.

I think about these things.

I care about these things.

I solve these problems.

This is who I am.

The exact same thing could happen to someone else and they would be like,

Nah,

I don't even care.

Because that's not part of their I am statement.

They may care desperately about something else.

And that is what defines them as a person.

And so this is really interesting.

To imagine that all these thoughts that we cling to,

Thoughts that we cling to,

The thoughts that we cannot let go of,

They somehow define us as who we are.

And this isn't a bad thing.

It's okay to be defined as someone who cares.

To be defined as someone who loves their kids,

Who cares about the responsibility of paying rent,

Who cares about the world around them,

Who cares about their community.

This is a good thing.

There's nothing wrong with that.

But it is limiting.

And so it's an interesting thing to be able to actually sit within ourselves and say,

This personality I am,

These are the things that really matter to them.

That's okay.

I'm going to put that ego,

Self,

In a nice little bag and I'm just going to set it over here for a minute and I'm going to close my eyes.

Just for a moment,

I'm going to remember my infinite self.

I'm going to dive into the ocean.

Imagine feeling that visual.

I'm going to leave the waves alone.

And I'm going to dive deep into the stillness of the ocean.

What is that feeling?

To just,

I am also the ocean.

And then when you come back and you take your bag of all that you are and you put all those clothes back on,

How much bigger are you inside?

You're still that person.

But you're deep inside now.

There's another expansion of self inside.

You're actually better at being the person you are,

Because you're bringing an entirely different depth and understanding to every situation.

And you come from the place of authenticity,

Totally.

It's so interesting.

I'm glad you brought that up.

Like the idea of authenticity.

Imagine,

Like authenticity definitely comes from being our genuine self,

You know,

Not just being something because that person is or I aspire to be this or something like that.

But what if authenticity is remembering that you are this infinite being?

And then allowing that infinite being to shine out through exactly who we are.

Whether we're short,

Tall,

Old,

Young,

Skilled,

Unskilled,

Rich,

Poor,

Whatever label we want to put on who we are on the outside.

It doesn't even matter.

You could like literally imagine some situation that you couldn't fathom yourself in.

But if you had actually this divine energy flowing through it,

How great would that be?

So another philosophical piece about this is asking ourselves,

What do I think the nature of the mind is?

Do you think that your mind is just a collection of thoughts?

Do you think that you are just a collection of thoughts?

Because from the Tantric perspective,

The nature of the mind is actually very spacious.

It's very open.

And what that does is it allows from that openness,

It allows thoughts to rise.

You can look at them and then they can go.

Feelings can rise.

You can experience them and you can let them go.

Because the nature of self is spaciousness.

So imagine that like in your body right now.

Feeling your mind as spacious.

And then feel your mind as thoughts.

Like right now.

Think about everything.

Think about all the things that you're always thinking about.

Like think,

Think,

Think,

Think,

Think.

Like really chew on it.

Chew on it hard.

And then just release those thoughts and experience spaciousness.

I imagine in one vision,

You're looking at a busy city street.

Let's imagine you have this bird's eye view and you're looking at this busy street.

And there's just throngs of people walking down the sidewalk and crossing the road.

And there's cars and trams and trolleys and buildings and everything,

Right?

Is that the nature of the mind?

Or do you turn your gaze up to the sky and look at the blue sky?

Or is that the nature of the mind?

It's a really interesting contrast.

Thoughts are so dense.

Spaciousness is so much lighter.

It's also interesting to notice,

Because again,

Meditation practices and the journey of Tantra or any spiritual practice,

It isn't about just hearing something and going,

Aha,

I've got it.

I'm just a little bit more enlightened now.

That's not how it works.

Imagine instead that you realize,

Let's say you're practicing this meditation and you're saying,

Okay,

If any thought rises,

It's going to rise and I'm going to let it go.

And then another one's going to rise and I'm going to let it go.

But then your brain wants to keep going back to this thought.

But what about this thought?

What about this thought?

This is very interesting.

This is very interesting that we are stuck on this particular thought process.

And we ask ourselves,

Why am I stuck on this thought process?

And then we wonder,

Is this a karmic loop that I'm stuck in?

Is this a pattern I've done many,

Many times before?

So for example,

There's someone in my life whose child is going through real difficulty.

And I'm very close to these people.

And I'm thinking about it.

I'm thinking about the child and I'm thinking about my friend.

And this is my serious thought,

Right?

If I'm a serious thought,

And I think about that.

And again,

I do care.

So I do think about it.

Is there something more?

Is this a karmic pattern?

Do I have some kind of savior archetype flowing here?

Do I not trust that they will sort it without my help or guidance or interference,

Whatever you want to call it?

Just interesting to note,

Why am I stuck on this?

Why can't I let it go?

Why don't I want to go on?

Because one of the challenges is when we get stuck on a thought,

Like very often we get stuck on thoughts from the past.

Thoughts from the past can absolutely create incredible depression,

Incredible anxiety.

Even though the things we're thinking about are no longer happening.

They are from the past.

And a thousand things have happened since.

And yet,

We're stuck on these particular thoughts.

This is very interesting.

Why we cannot let go of these thoughts.

And my interchanging mind and ego.

So in the tantric perspective,

For example,

They have,

In order to sort of limit the divinity within us,

We have these,

Well,

This isn't what the limiting part is,

But in order for us to perceive the world around us as an I am,

As an ego,

As a person,

We need mental processors.

And so the mental processors we were given was manas.

And manas is the part of our brain that interprets our senses.

So if I feel this,

I go,

Oh,

That feels soft,

Or that tastes salty,

Or that's very bright,

Or I hear this,

That's my manas going,

Ah,

I recognize that.

I know what that is.

That's manas.

And then there is buddhi,

Like Buddha,

Only buddhi.

And this is the intellect.

This is the one that says,

This is right.

This is wrong.

That's what I'm looking for.

I don't want that.

This is the discerning mind.

And then there is citta.

And citta is the collection of all of our thoughts of our past.

And so you can imagine how these three minds sort of throw thoughts back and forth.

Let's say I smell something,

And then manas says,

Oh,

It's this.

And then that acts as citta.

And citta says,

Oh,

I don't like that.

And then buddhi says,

Oh,

Well,

Let's get rid of it then.

And this is sort of this thought process that's sort of flowing through the mind.

Collectively,

These are ego.

This is just the system of tantra.

There may be other interesting ways of describing the human condition.

But in the tantric world,

Which is what we're studying,

This is how tantra sees.

So it's not that they're interchangeable,

But it's more like the different mental faculties all create ego.

The last thing I want to mention is that thoughts are not bad things.

Thoughts actually nourish the mind.

It's fun to think.

It's fun to care.

It's fun to care about others.

It's fun to love people.

It's fun to notice things.

Thoughts are part of the human experience.

This sutra is about not having attachment to the thoughts,

Not being able to go on.

Because the hard thing is if I have a thought,

And I get stuck on that thought,

I can't actually move on to this next moment.

You know,

Let's say I had a thought 10 minutes ago,

And I'm still thinking about that thought.

I don't even know what's going on right now.

I'm not present.

We talk all about being present.

A lot of presence means I'm not thinking about whatever happened 10 minutes ago,

Or 10 years ago.

I'm here.

I'm actually right now,

Here in this moment.

There's a Chinese saying that says,

Imagine thoughts like birds landing on a tree.

You don't want to stop them from landing in a tree,

But you can stop them from building a nest there.

They don't have to stay.

We don't have to be thinking the same thoughts today that we thought 10 years ago.

We can think brand new thoughts.

Imagine this.

Just imagine that every single moment you get to think new thoughts.

Imagine you never thought the same thought twice.

What would life be like if you always moved on to a new thought?

And it can be a new thought even about the same topic.

Maybe you're concerned about someone,

Or maybe you're concerned about you.

You can still think about the topic,

But you have to have a new thought.

We can repeat a fear thousands of times.

Well,

What if this happens?

Okay,

You've said it.

Now you're not allowed to say that again.

Think about something else.

Like imagine.

Very,

Very interesting.

It's no small thing.

So I'd like to do a little meditation with you guys.

And then for anyone who's just joining,

I'll reread the sutra.

But let's just close our eyes,

And we're going to try this.

So let's close our eyes and breathe deeply.

Expanding the belly as you inhale,

Contracting as you exhale.

Really trying to extend your exhale.

Now as you breathe deeply,

I want you to notice thoughts as they come into your mind.

And as soon as the thought comes,

Let it go.

But then allow any thought to rise without judgment.

It doesn't even matter what the thought is.

Just let the next thought rise,

Then the next thought,

The next thought.

But keep letting them go.

That's why it doesn't matter if it's a crazy thought or a silly thought.

Just let it go.

So we're just going to practice this for a couple minutes.

Any thought that rises,

Just let it go.

Yatra Yatra Mano Yati Tat Tat Tanaiva Tat Kshanam Pari Tyaja Ana Vastitya Nistharanga Tata Bhavet Set your mind free to wander anywhere it wants.

Think any thought.

Ride any wave.

Surge in any direction.

The instant a thought springs up,

Abandon it and move on.

Don't let the mind rest anywhere.

In this way,

Gain entry to the bliss of the silent depths beneath the surf.

Thank you so much for being here.

I hope you have a wonderful day.