Transcend Grief: The Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 2 Verses 9-11

I'm reading from Stephen Mitchell's version of the Bhagavad Gita,

But you can have any version you'd like,

Or no version at all.

It doesn't matter,

We're really here for the deeper lesson.

Let's dive in.

So where we are in the story,

Arjuna is our hero,

And Arjuna is in a great chariot,

And his charioteer is Krishna.

And in the sort of physical story of the Mahabharata,

There is a great civil war.

Two sides have risen up against each other.

One side you would call the evil side,

And the other side is the good side.

And I know this seems very oversimplified,

But it's actually very helpful in our lives.

The evil side is basically made of Arjuna's thousand evil cousins.

The good side is Arjuna and his four brothers,

Who are all about virtue,

And courage,

And love,

And integrity,

And spiritual connection.

But the hundred evil cousins are the attachments of our ego.

They are the sense organs where we become attached to pleasure and averse to pain.

So if you were to imagine your inner psyche,

You have your soul,

Who you are,

And then you have all the physical pleasures of life.

And again,

This isn't about not experiencing the pleasures of life,

Or not avoiding pain in that,

You know,

If you hit something hot,

You want to take your hand off of it.

And if you enjoy something pleasurable,

We want to deeply enjoy it.

But when our life becomes about pursuing pleasure and avoiding pain,

We actually become kind of soulless.

We become almost hedonistic,

Where everything is just driven by,

Does it make me happy,

Or does it make me sad?

And not in a good way.

In a.

.

.

We can suddenly be very manipulated by the world.

Suddenly advertising works on you.

Because something says,

If you do this thing,

You will have the most epic body.

Just give me $300 a month,

And you will feel like this.

And if we have a high attachment to whatever it is those advertising or advertisers are telling us that we get,

We'll do the thing.

And all of a sudden,

Our life has gone down this one road of hopeful pleasure.

Yes,

I will never be alone again,

Because I fear being alone.

I will always have people admire me,

Because I require the admiration of other people.

And these are the things that we would say of the ego that actually end up pulling us from pillar to post,

And from pillar to post.

And our whole life becomes this pinball machine of seeking admiration,

And seeking success,

And wanting to be rich,

And wanting to be skinny,

And wanting that relationship,

And wanting this thing.

And we just end up being pulled all over the place.

But we're never actually happy.

Because then all of a sudden,

Maybe you get the pleasure.

Let's say you define pleasure as having an intimate relationship.

Maybe you're living in a place where you're alone,

And you're quite sure that if only you could have a partner,

Your life would be happy.

And understanding,

Obviously,

That having a partner can be a wonderful thing.

Being alone can be a wonderful thing.

There's nothing intrinsically righteous about one or the other,

Or wrong about one or the other.

But when we believe in our heart that this is the only way,

And suddenly we go out and we do anything to get it,

So then we get it.

Now what happens?

We grip so strong to that thing,

Just like nothing can ever tear this from me.

I must have this because this is the key to all of my happiness.

But we know it isn't the key to all of our happiness.

If we were unhappy before,

We will still be unhappy,

Because that's where we're at.

Changing our external circumstances doesn't change that.

And eventually it will rise.

This is the context of sort of the evil sense cousins,

The evil parts.

And again,

I know evil feels really heavy,

But let's call it instead the aspects that pull us off path.

The habits,

The addictions,

The things that we grasp onto that pull us from our soul's journey.

That's that side.

Whereas on the side of Arjuna,

These are our highest spiritual aspects.

The parts of us that remember who we truly are.

The parts of us that are courageous to step forward into new paths.

So the battle that Arjuna finds himself in is not a physical battle among people.

It's a battle of the heart.

It's a battle of the soul.

And it's the soul of each one of us when we are sitting in the center.

Our soul,

Because we are each,

Each one of us is Arjuna.

And we need to take a step forward in life.

Am I going to choose my own path of truth and highest self and courage and integrity?

Or am I going to choose the side that I have always done,

That my family has always done?

Am I going to choose that side,

The path of self-doubt,

The path of tradition,

The path of whatever?

And this is where Arjuna finds himself.

And he finds himself in the middle of the field looking around saying,

I understand that there is a higher path,

But this is all my family.

Sometimes our senses,

Our attachments,

Feel like family.

They've been with me through all the hard times.

How can I let them go?

I don't want to fight them.

So this is where Arjuna is in the center.

I'm going to,

So I'm going to read,

I'm going to go back a little bit just for the context and then we're going to go forward.

He talks of Bhishma and Drona who are his grandfather and teacher.

Arjuna said,

When the battle begins,

How can I shoot arrows through Bhishma and Drona who deserve my reverence?

It would be better to spend the rest of my life as a pauper begging for food than to kill these honored teachers.

If I killed them,

All my earthly pleasures would be smeared with blood.

And we do not know which is worse,

Winning this battle or losing it.

Since if we kill Dhrishtarastra's men,

The hundred cousins,

We will not wish to remain alive.

How often we feel like that.

That if I give up all my addictions and my attachments,

And I'm not talking about loving attachments to family,

I'm talking about attachments to things and success and whatever ideas we have in our head,

Where is the joy in life?

I would rather not even bother living if I don't get to have my joys in life.

This is what he's saying.

He continues,

I am weighed down by pity,

Krishna.

My mind is utterly confused.

Tell me where my duty lies.

Which path should I take?

I am your pupil.

I beg you for your instruction.

For I cannot imagine how any victory,

Even if I were to gain the kinship of the whole earth or of all the gods in heaven,

Could drive away this grief that is withering my senses.

And this is what we talked about last week.

Sometimes we will tell ourselves this,

That I don't care how happy I'd be.

I don't care how healthy I'd be.

I don't care how enlightened I'd be.

I just don't think I can live without all of my old attachments.

Having spoken thus to Krishna,

This is where we begin today.

Having spoken thus to Krishna,

Arjuna said,

I will not fight.

And he fell silent.

As Arjuna sat there,

Downcast between the two armies,

Krishna smiled at him and then spoke these words.

Although you mean well,

Arjuna,

Your sorrow is sheer delusion.

Wise men do not grieve.

The dead or for the living.

So these are the three stanzas that we're going to look at today.

The first one,

Verse nine.

Having spoken thus to Krishna,

Arjuna said,

I will not fight.

And he fell silent.

So this is very,

Very significant.

Because up until this point,

Arjuna's still arguing the side of the senses.

He's still arguing the side of the ego.

Saying,

I know,

I know what you're saying.

I know,

But you have to understand.

But you have to understand.

But then what about this?

And then what about this?

And what about this?

But at this point,

The teacher,

There's no point the teacher saying anything.

It's like if somebody is really in a hard place,

Let's say a friend of yours is hurting,

Or they're just having a hard time.

So you're sitting with them and chatting.

And maybe there's a point where you think,

Oh,

They're actually asking for advice,

Like they're actually asking for help.

So you say,

Well,

You know,

You could do this.

Oh,

No,

No,

But you don't understand.

Yeah,

But you don't get how,

And you're like,

Oh,

So you kind of become quiet.

And you listen.

And they talk for a bit longer.

And then eventually they say,

Well,

What do you think?

And you think,

Well,

You know,

No,

But you don't understand.

Like there's this perpetual,

You don't get it.

You know,

You don't know how important this thing is that I'm grasping onto so tightly.

So the reality is,

Is teachers like Krishna,

You know,

That kind of spiritual teacher will stay very quiet while you talk.

Because whatever it is that we need to say,

We need to say it.

We need to keep saying it until one day we don't want to say it anymore.

Spiritual journeys are always done at the speed of the one on the journey.

The teacher doesn't care.

Krishna is already there.

Krishna is actually God.

Krishna is Arjuna's highest self.

In the story,

They're portrayed as separate beings,

Just like we might find a teacher or a guru or someone that we want to learn from.

And in many ways,

This may play out in similar ways.

But the truth is,

Arjuna is us.

And Krishna is our highest self.

And as much as we may want to hear our intuition,

I mean,

We may want to hear our highest guidance.

If every time our highest guidance whispers something wise to us,

And we shoot it down,

What's our highest guidance going to do?

It's going to stay quiet.

And it's going to be our friend.

And it's going to drive our chariot,

Or it's going to do whatever we ask it to do.

But it can't share with us the wisdom while we're still fighting.

And it can be anything.

I have a friend who is a holistic practitioner.

And of course,

When you're dealing with the whole psyche of a person,

Very often there is one big thing in our lives that is actually causing all the problems.

And if we won't look at it,

There's actually nothing that can be done.

Just band-aids.

Because we won't look at the main thing.

So every so often,

A person would come to my friend,

And she would look at them,

And they would take the intake and whatever was going on.

And then my friend would look at the client and say,

So what is the one thing that we're not allowed to talk about?

And inevitably,

The person would say,

My marriage,

Or my job,

Or my relationship with my kids,

Or my relationship with one of my parents.

And there was always some hot-button something that was out of bounds.

This is a problem.

Because that is the ceiling.

It's almost like we are not going to the root of the actual pain.

I would like you to give me a band-aid so that I can continue on living how I'm living,

But maybe in just a slightly less amount of pain.

But I'm not looking for healing,

Just so you know.

Which is fine.

This isn't like some big judgment.

The key is to understand that the highest wisdom can't come in until,

Like Arjuna says,

Having spoken thus to Krishna,

Arjuna says,

I will not fight,

And he fell silent.

This is an interesting place for all of us on our spiritual journey.

That moment when we finally say,

Okay,

I'm done telling those stories.

I'm done arguing for my past.

I'm done arguing for the traditions that bind me.

I'm done arguing for my addictions.

I'm silent.

So the next verse,

As Arjuna sat there downcast between the two armies,

Krishna smiled at him and then spoke these words.

Now there's something very significant about that Krishna smiled.

That God smiled.

That our highest self smiled.

I would love to know what that feels like for you.

What would it feel like for your highest self to look upon you and smile?

Why do you think Krishna smiled?

That God finds us adorable.

Adorable.

Loving.

Like an opening of love.

Letting go and feeling the warmth.

Yes.

A warm and loving embrace.

Yes.

Compassion.

Warm enveloping of love.

This is so significant.

Because so often we feel like if we give up all of those old ways,

If I give up who I was last year or for the last 50 years,

That I will be left alone in a desert.

All alone.

And I won't have any friends or pleasure or anything.

We have this fear that but these other things kept me warm.

Like indulging a child.

My first response was finally he shut up.

Finally he got tired and surrendered.

Finally.

And I had the same like I was sort of oscillating between was he being condescending or was he being loving?

But the reality is there's this it's okay.

When you give those up you will be held.

You will be loved.

You will be cared for in an entirely new and wonderful way.

How much easier is that?

Like so for you right now if you were to imagine letting go of all the ways that harm you.

The self-doubt.

The fear.

The ways of our parents.

The old grudges.

The anger.

What would that feel like to then be held in love as you transition into an entirely different way of living?

What's like one word that that would feel like?

What you think will feel like death turns out to be freedom.

Totally.

Like imagine.

Comforting.

Yeah.

Liberation.

Freedom.

And to know that you will be caught.

You know it's that old if you take a step the path will appear.

And that's why this particular point in the Gita is very important.

Because this is the beginning of Krishna's teachings.

A mix of sadness and joy.

Letting go of who you have always gripped to.

Totally.

Jump and learn to fly.

Take the step and the path will appear.

Can you feel the difference?

That this is the beginning of our spiritual journey.

Like sometimes we think a spiritual journey is reading spiritual things and adding them to our life path.

That's one thing.

You can read spiritual things.

You can even have spiritual practices.

But the true spiritual journey is when you give up the things of childhood.

You give up the security of the attachments.

And you put your hands in your highest self.

You know you actually put your faith in something different.

And you say you know what?

I'm willing to see the world from a different perspective.

I would like to see the world from the eyes of the eternal.

What does the world look like there?

This is entirely different.

So this in many ways is the beginning of the teachings.

So we're going on to verse 11.

So this is the beginning.

So the blessed Lord said,

Krishna,

Your highest self,

Thou hast been lamenting for those not worth thy lamentations.

Yet thou dost utter words of lore.

The truly wise mourn neither for those who are living,

Nor for those who have passed away.

Thou hast been lamenting for those not worth thy lamentations.

Yet thou dost utter words of lore.

The truly wise mourn neither for those who are living,

Nor for those who have passed away.

So this is really important.

There's two big aspects of this particular verse.

And the first one is this,

That Krishna's saying,

So you're saying all these crazy things,

Or you're doing all these crazy things,

You're choosing not to fight,

You're choosing,

You're doing these things.

And yet you're saying all these wise things.

This is a problem.

You can't say one thing and act in another way.

You can't do that.

If you're going to say wise things,

Then you have to do wise things.

And this is another huge part or transition into a spiritual journey.

Because in that previous way of,

Quote,

Having a spiritual journey,

We can read all the things,

We can quote all the wisdom,

And it does not look like our life at all.

We can quote compassion until someone cuts us off in traffic.

We can quote equanimity and love for all until someone on Facebook says something that we don't agree with.

We can say all these wonderful things until a heated discussion happens and people are arguing points that we adamantly disagree with and think are wrong and evil.

And can you believe they even said that?

Which is it?

Do we believe in these high spiritual ideas about life,

About philosophy,

About humankind?

Does it reflect our actions?

Does it reflect how we see the world?

Really?

And until this point that we are in at the Gita,

We seem to be allowed to live these separate lives.

That we preach all love and joy as long as everyone's saying the things that we believe in.

The world right now is so incredibly divided,

Like divisiveness is so high right now.

Does the things or do the things that we speak in spiritual circles apply to the places where we are divided?

And this is really important because if it doesn't,

Then that wisdom isn't actually ours.

And this is important because this is the beginning of the journey,

Is the source of this lack of integrity.

Because this is the battle that Arjuna is saying.

So it's sort of like imagine these two sides.

On the right side,

I'm going to say right,

But on the good side,

This is where we preach.

This is where we repeat all the stuff we read in the books and that we understand about yoga and philosophy and no,

But don't you understand and this and that?

And we're talking the good fight.

But when push comes to shove,

The hundred evils,

Cousins,

Are actually driving the boat.

Our consciousness is filled with them,

Filled with argument and battle and destruction of that person and this person and that person.

And ourselves.

When push comes to shove,

Our unconscious is filled with the evil cousins.

This is a challenge.

This is where we sit and we say,

But no,

But no,

But I'm right,

But I'm right.

This is wrong.

This is no,

Like you don't get to take,

No,

I I'm allowed to be a spiritual person and be mortally pissed off.

This is the place Arjuna's in.

You know,

But,

But,

But,

But,

But,

But.

And this is an interesting thing.

We all have to look at,

Is this really how I live?

Imagine that our wisdom is gauged.

And again,

It's not about judgment.

It's about honesty with self.

Imagine that my wisdom is gauged by what they call equanimity,

The calmness of my inner lake.

How calm actually is your inner lake?

If someone throws a few pebbles into your lake,

Does it just have a couple ripples?

Or will it be thrown into a tempest?

How much does it take to throw your lake into a tempest?

A Facebook post?

Something that comes out over the news?

What?

And it's just important because this is where we truly are starting.

We can't start from the false integrity.

We have to start from the truth.

And if we come to that place where we just simply say,

Okay,

I guess I just don't know.

I guess I don't know.

And this is why he says,

I will not fight.

And he fell silent.

Because imagine that,

Imagine you've got issues in your life that you are very,

Very angry about.

And I don't mean things that you're passionate about,

That you're taking action on and you're out there in the world and you're helping and you're,

I don't know,

Maybe you're raising money for something and you're fighting this back and you're really out there.

Like you're doing the thing.

You're helping.

I'm talking about sitting at home and twisting about something.

That's not the same.

So then we sit quietly,

We tucker ourselves out and we say,

I choose to move forward in integrity.

I'm not going to say something that I don't live.

And if there is something I really do believe in,

Then my spiritual path will be to bring my soul to a place that that is my reality.

Not to spiritually bypass it or anything like that.

But that if the truth is,

If I actually do want to be very peaceful,

And yet this one person can say something to me and throw me right off my game,

Then this is an important point of wound for me.

I need to look at that.

It's just information.

It's not judgment.

It's just information to go,

So what is that trigger?

What is that pain that's inside of me that turns my inner calm lake into a tempest?

Out of love for self,

Out of that loving smile and heldness of Krishna,

We now hold our soul and say,

Let's heal this.

But we can't heal it from the place of the hundred cousins.

We can't heal it from that place.

We're going to heal it from a higher place,

From a new philosophy,

From a new way of understanding the world.

Sometimes there's a big disconnect between what is known and how one behaves.

And at this point in the story,

Krishna is calling Arjuna on this in his life.

A hundred percent.

Yeah,

The call to look deeply at that thing,

The shadow.

And again,

Krishna smiled because Krishna loves Arjuna.

This is a loving thing to look at the places in our life where we don't have this kind of integrity.

And again,

Even I say that,

And it sounds judgmental,

But we're all growing at different phases and spaces and speeds of life,

Right?

You can learn one thing in one part of your life and you can have nailed it.

And then all of a sudden something else happens and you blow up or you end up on the couch eating chocolate,

Or you end up suddenly drinking again when you hadn't drank in 10 years.

What is that thing?

And in love,

Dive into it.

Like to really deeply understand that the spiritual path isn't linear.

It isn't that,

Okay,

I've figured this thing out and now I go on to the next thing.

The spiritual path takes,

You know,

It's that saying,

That Leonard Cohen saying that it's the crack is that's where the light comes in.

If you found a crack,

If you found a place that for some reason,

This is an open wound,

You just take it all and you dive straight in with all the love and insight and everything you've ever learned.

And you dive straight in and you go there.

It's so lovely,

But this is the real journey.

And so the next part of the teaching of this,

Although you mean well,

Arjuna,

Your sorrow is sheer delusion.

Wise men do not grieve for the dead or for the living.

So one of the primary teachings in Hinduism,

In all the great teachings really,

Is that you and I are eternal beings.

And this is really,

Really important to let sink in.

That if you were to place your hands over your heart center,

That this beating heart,

This Atman,

This heart center,

However you want to understand it,

This is an eternal being that is here on earth having a wondrous experience.

But all the things that we are experiencing are in perpetual change.

Things are born,

Things die,

Things change,

Things morph,

Everything around us.

People,

Experiences,

Places,

Food,

Money,

Politics,

The neighborhood,

Everything.

By design,

Everything is changing.

The trees come and go.

Today we are having a blizzard outside my window.

And in a few months,

Spring will be here.

Part of the spiritual path is creating correct understanding of life.

We cannot build a truly expansive life on a falsehood.

But the world we live in very often has taught us that.

We've been separated from death.

Our world has been weirdly cleansed of all things that could upset us.

Historically,

I know there are places in the world where if a loved one died,

It would be the loved ones who would bathe the body to prepare it for burial.

And we think,

Oh,

But that's so upsetting.

Yes,

It is,

As it should be.

And it allows us to continue to move forward and to experience life.

Because that's what life is.

Life is change.

Life is birth and death.

That's why we're here.

That's why this eternal being is here.

To have an experience of life and death.

And that means life and death of all things around us.

Of the leaves on the trees,

Of people,

Of everything.

That's why we're here.

But if we have,

So this is again,

The story of the Gita is,

Do we believe that life is about those hundred cousins and our attachments to the things in life and our attachment to the pleasures in life and our fear of the pain in life?

Is that what we think life is?

Do we think life is about gathering all the things that are pleasurable and putting them all in a little house and then living out that pleasure for the rest of our lives?

It's kind of like what we've been taught.

The goal in life is to create the comfort you desire and then hold on tight to that forever.

But we know this just creates pain.

There's no actual joy in it.

It actually creates stagnation if you achieve it.

And then all things die inside.

You become a robot.

So let's imagine this for a moment.

Let's imagine what this could feel like to actually let go of all these attachments.

I want us just to close our eyes for a moment.

And what I'm asking you to do might be really uncomfortable.

So if you do struggle with anxiety or anything like that,

Don't do this.

But just observe.

Maybe don't take it too seriously.

Like I am conscious that we are spread all over the world here.

But I want you to imagine in your own life that there may be times that you have lots of money.

And then there may be times where you're poor and struggle with money.

And then there are times when you have lots of money.

And then you have times when you don't have much money.

Maybe not even enough money.

I want you to imagine times where you have beautiful health.

And you're strong and e-able.

And then there are other times when you're sick and you are unable.

And then there are times when you are healthy again.

And then there are times that something else happens.

Imagine there are times that you have a loving relationship.

And then maybe that changes into a different loving relationship with someone else.

And then maybe there are times when you are alone.

And you're enjoying that.

And then there are times when you're in a loving relationship.

Imagine times that you're surrounded by friends and community.

And then there are other times when you find yourself alone.

And you have no friends around.

And there's no community.

And then there are other times when you're surrounded by friends and loving community.

Imagine that there are times that you have all the ideas in the world of what you want to do next.

And then there are times that seem to be like a bit of a desert.

That you don't know what's next.

And then there are other times when you have all the ideas in the universe.

I would love to know what thinking about all of that felt like to you.

It felt like wind.

It felt very honest.

Felt like my life.

Life is a roller coaster.

It felt real.

It felt familiar.

Circumstances don't matter.

Only my state of consciousness matters.

Like a roller coaster.

Like seasons.

Like the living.

Feels like resilience.

It felt normal.

Impermanence.

No stability.

Life.

Movement.

The wheel of fortune.

Round and round.

Up and down.

Thinking of all the variations had me starting to think of maybe being okay with all those different parts of myself.

Very real.

Imagine living from that place.

That all things,

This too shall pass.

And it will change no matter where we are right now.

That even in times of difficulty,

It's just a time of difficulty.

It'll pass.

It will change.

Everything changes.

It's interesting how sometimes we will hold on to the lows as if they are our reality.

In the same way that we will hold on to the highs like they are the only way to exist.

There is something so freeing about allowing life to be real.

Yeah,

We learn from both.

So another big thing about that,

Another big way of living in that way is to truly forget the past.

To truly let it go.

And to let go of the future.

Genuinely.

And then dive into the present.

A hundred percent.

Whatever you're doing right now,

Do it a hundred percent with all the passion and joy and optimism that you can have.

Just do it all right now.

Today.

Whatever today is,

Do it a hundred percent.

A hundred percent you.

It's the only reality there is.

And so this is the first teaching of the Bhagavad Gita.

This is the foundation of our entire journey.

To live in your eternal self.

And gently allow all the cycles of change.

Of ourselves,

Of those around us,

Of the world.

Although you mean well,

Arjuna,

Your sorrow is sheer delusion.

Wise men do not grieve.

For the dead,

Or for the living.

Find your true self,

Your best self,

In your circumstances.

Well,

But again,

To feel,

Yeah exactly,

To feel that the sense of self when we did that little meditation that kind of,

So I have lots of money,

I don't have lots of money,

I do have lots of money,

I don't have lots of money,

And I gained weight,

And I lost weight,

And I became fit,

And I became unfit.

And now it's snowing,

And then it's going to rain,

And then the sun's going to come out,

And then it's going to snow.

And we just do this thing,

And what is in the center?

You are.

You're always in the center.

And there's something joyful about allowing life to just be what it is.

And having no attachments to it one way or the other.

So does anyone have any final thoughts?

We're a little bit over the hour.

But I'd love to know if you have any final thoughts you'd love to share as we close.

What if the self is feeling weak?

Then we hold it in love,

And we let it rest.

And we just feed it with things that are joyful.

The things that the self loves feeds it with.

To always be compassionate,

Because especially if we're feeling weak,

There just might be something hard.

Maybe Krishna's smiling because he thoroughly knows himself and Arjuna to be the same eternal self,

And yet Arjuna has forgotten,

So he,

Krishna,

Is reviving Arjuna's memory.

Oh,

That's beautiful.

Yeah,

I'm grateful,

Exhaling in this present moment.

Thank you,

Guys.

Have a wonderful week.