Wise Speech: Healing

So,

We're going through the eight path factors that are practices and ways of being that can contribute to living an awakened life.

A life where we're in the flow with the way things are and that squeeze on the heart kind of caused by pain and dissatisfaction that squeeze lessons and sometimes entirely diminishes by practicing these eight path factors.

And we've looked at these path factors numerous times over the years together and I'm working with them and sharing with you in a slightly untraditional way this time around.

So I started with wise view and how it relates to meaning and then we went into wise intention and that relationship with intention and purpose.

And today's topic is wise speech and how it relates to healing,

Healing speech.

We all understand or had experiences that healing is necessary as we mature on the spiritual path.

It requires that we discover the depths of our wounds to some extent and this can be very challenging for people because we're an ascension culture.

We love rising and we fear going down.

The poet Cahil Gibran said,

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being,

The more joy you can contain.

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being,

The more joy you can contain.

So to embody spiritual life fully,

We have to bring healing to those broken parts of ourselves.

Unhealed pain,

Rage,

Trauma from childhood,

Abuse,

Abandonment,

These are really powerful unconscious forces in our lives until we're able to bring awareness and understanding to those old wounds.

So when we haven't met the unhealed pain within us,

It often comes out as speech that lacks openness,

That lacks understanding and doesn't really have reconciliation at its core.

So healing in a sense is really just a movement towards our wholeness.

And in tomorrow's talk we'll go into that a little bit deeper but for today I want to explore how this applies to speech.

Speech that heals.

There's a Tibetan saying that when we meditate we're watching the mind and when in public we watch our speech,

What we say,

How we say it and this can be a window to really understanding what motivates us.

What's in the background within us for what we're going to say.

There's always something running in the background.

Can we recognize what's in the background before we open our mouth?

Sometimes right?

Sometimes.

The Zen teacher Thich Nhat Hanh says that when we speak what we're trying to do is tell the truth about our suffering.

So for example if I'm sharing my truth about how a comment that my husband made is landing for me this may be difficult to share and it may be difficult for him to hear.

So I want to speak in a way that helps him recognize the suffering inside me and be skillful enough with my words so that he's not caught in the wrong perception of what I'm saying.

That's a really important piece.

We want to speak so that people are not caught in the wrong perception of what we're saying.

So mindfulness and skillfulness.

This doesn't always happen does it?

Thich Nhat Hanh also says that enlightenment is always enlightenment about something.

So if we begin to understand the nature and the root of our suffering of our pain that's kind of an enlightenment.

And so this brings us back to healing.

Like true healing means that we're opening ourselves to the truth of our lives.

We can acknowledge where we're wounded and the impact of those wounds.

Just being with it is a compassionate act.

It's a way that we speak to ourselves gently and lovingly.

By training to speak to ourselves with compassion with care it's much more likely that we'll stop blaming ourselves and others and we'll be able to speak and to listen in an authentic loving way.

That's the intent.

So the four guidelines for speaking are really simple also.

Again we've gone over these in the past.

There's many talks that I've said about wise speech.

So I'm going to really simplify.

The first tell the truth.

Tell the truth.

Don't exaggerate.

Don't be manipulative or gossip and use peaceful language.

Tell the truth.

Don't exaggerate.

Don't be manipulative or gossip and use peaceful language.

And I'm going to suggest this is where I'm deviating a little bit that we start with ourselves because if we don't start with ourselves then we will continue to fall into the habit of reactive speech.

Wise speech comes out of our wholeness.

So we start with being honest with ourselves and let's face it the truth can hurt and we don't like hurting.

Even if we sense that something's better on the other side of the pain we don't like to feel pain.

And we're not talking about some ultimate spiritual truth.

We're talking about something that's really down to earth how things are actually happening in this moment.

The truth of experience.

That's where we're the most honest.

And then there's exaggeration which often makes whatever the truth is appear much worse.

Have you noticed this?

So for example I have an example in my life.

I had our town's arborist come and remove some suckers from one of their town street trees.

That's what happened.

They were going out into the street and blocking our view and they were just these suckers from these what are the trees called cottonwood trees.

Thank you.

So that's what happened.

I called they came out they removed the suckers.

Well my neighbor came over and accused me of cutting down the trees.

To her the suckers were not zapping water and nutrients from the main tree.

To her the suckers were trees and I was the killer of the tree.

So it got much bigger.

With that exaggeration that view it got much bigger.

So sometimes we make something seem very tragic to justify and to feed our anger.

And this may seem harmless but what it does is it takes us away from the truth and takes away the trust in our relationships.

When we exaggerate.

And then there's gossip talking about others or manipulating what you say to gain some sort of advantage.

That can cause division.

You know it influences people.

So being mindful and true of your word without changing the content for your advantage.

And using peaceful language.

I can go back to the tree sucker example.

You know I took responsibility.

I called the town arborist.

I didn't condemn my neighbor or humiliate her or judge her view of what happened.

I did speak firmly when she attempted to shame me.

I called it out and I said that I will not be shamed by her.

I will not take that on.

And as soon as I said that she caught herself and she stopped.

So sometimes we have to speak in a way where we're caring for ourselves as well.

We don't have to attack back but we don't have to take a beating either.

So in that situation there's still healing speech needed in my relationship to my neighbor.

And this is where timing comes in.

You know you may find that your speech is truthful.

It's delivered with kindness.

It's intended to be useful and bring people together but it's simply the wrong time.

And the compulsion to speak to reconcile something can be really strong.

But we need to take into account that it might not be the right time.

Be careful with timing.

Consider when it's best to effectively communicate with somebody because sometimes just feeling compelled to speak doesn't mean it's going to be effective communication.

So healing speech,

Wise speech.

It's very liberating to say or to write using loving and kind speech.

Speaking in a way that heals.

That's healing for ourselves and for the people that we're speaking with.

We can practice every day.

We can say something that has the capacity to heal and help people.

We can practice that.

And we can practice with ourselves.

We can watch the way in which we speak to ourselves.

Is your internal dialogue critical and harsh?

Do you make yourself wrong all the time or compare yourself to others?

This is where we begin.

We have to go into the dark a little bit.

We have to descend.

And this is how we see and bring healing to these voices that we've been avoiding.

Healing speech is part of the movement towards wholeness.

So this is what I have to offer today on wise speech.

And I thank you for your consideration.