Hello and welcome to this 30-day experiment where I'm living from a place of love rather than fear.
My name is Liz Scott and each day for 30 days I'm exploring what it is like when I bring my awareness back to love.
This is day 21 and every day I write a journal and I just pull out something from the day,
Something I've learnt that I feel is a lesson from the universe,
A lesson from love.
So today the central theme has been all about the experience of blame.
Blame has taken centre stage in my world.
If you've been following this experiment you'll know that when I talk about love I'm just talking about that settled space of wisdom and intuition,
That ever-present space within us and when I'm talking about fear I'm talking about the agitation of thoughts and thinking and it can turn up in different ways,
Overwhelm,
Stress,
Anxiety and today it turned up in the shape of blame.
I'll take you through the day and explain what I was feeling and then I'll share what I've learnt around coming from a place of love because today it felt a little bit sticky and it will do.
I know that we're human and some days are going to be harder than others.
So let me take you through the day.
If you were listening yesterday you'll know that I had felt this sense of life galloping away,
This sort of sense of life rushing by and today we had some family around for lunch and this seemed to put a magnifying glass on that sense of life galloping away and I kind of felt this real sticky sense of,
Oh no,
Agitation that I just wasn't able to do all the things that I had hoped I was going to do this week and I blamed my husband for inviting the family around,
I blamed myself for agreeing to provide the lunch and so I just felt myself in this realm of blame.
It was interesting that blame turned up in a physical way.
I felt this sicky feeling,
My heart being agitated,
A tension in my chest.
This is how blame turned up with me today and I was longing to point the finger of blame at someone else,
My husband for inviting people,
Blaming myself for agreeing to cook and I just felt lost.
That's a really good way to put it.
I felt really lost in these feelings and this is why I'm so grateful for this experiment because the experiment bringing my awareness back to love rather than living from a place of fear,
The experiment reminds me to bring my awareness away from those unsettled feelings back to that place of peace and wisdom within me and that's really important.
I found that this is a very stabilising way of living through the day.
It doesn't mean that my feelings of blame or agitation go away.
All that happens is I feel like I am less involved in them.
It's as though I am protecting myself or taking a step back from them.
I'm not lost in them.
So today it was important to bring my awareness back to myself.
It was important because when I sat down for lunch it meant that I was present with the people that were coming to lunch.
When I forgot about blame and instead brought my awareness back to presence about being present to them,
To listening,
To hosting them,
To having them be settled in my home,
When I forgot about blame I absolutely loved the experience.
There was laughter,
There was conversation,
There was a sense of connection.
When I forgot about the feelings of blame I fell into love.
That's what seems to happen and because I was intentionally bringing my awareness to love it felt like it was a more comfortable place to be.
I didn't get distracted or I didn't get tempted to look elsewhere.
So today the feeling of fear turned up in the shape of blame.
There was a sense of agitation there that I wasn't able to engage with all the things I wanted to do in my life.
So I was blaming my husband for inviting people to lunch.
I was blaming myself for agreeing to cook.
I was just bemoaning the fact that life seemed to be slipping through my fingers.
It just felt like there was a real sense of life hurrying up.
Bringing my awareness back to love what I discovered is that I loosened the grip of blame and eventually when I just engaged with being with people it was a very nourishing experience.
I think what I've really seen today from the experience is that love seems to turn up and provide me with an anchor.
Imagine that I'm on really choppy seas.
It anchors me.
It means I'm not going to go astray.
Love is something I can trust.
It keeps me safe.
Even though I feel a little bit wobbly I know that love is anchoring me and grounding me in my true self and when I bring my awareness back to that I'm just able to navigate through life with more ease.
So love turned up today.
It sort of showed me that it was this anchor.
This place that was holding me upright that even when I wobbled I was never going to fall over because love had my back.
So let me know how you're getting on with this experiment.
Even if it's just for the day and you're just experimenting let me know what it's like when you bring your awareness back to love.
Remember you're not judging yourself.
You're not trying to get rid of uncomfortable or unsettled feelings.
It's about recognizing when they occur and then bringing your awareness back to that place of love.
