I Am Of The Nature To Die | Facing The Truth Of Impermanence

We're on the third remembrance of the five remembrances,

Where we looked at,

I am of the nature to grow old.

I cannot escape growing old.

I am of the nature to get sick.

I cannot escape sickness.

And now we are up to,

I am of the nature to die.

I cannot escape dying.

And while getting old has its unique types of aversion,

Like we don't like the getting old,

Obviously,

We don't like the way that we,

You know,

There's,

There tends to be some resistance to how we look when we're getting older and,

And losing some of our capabilities.

But we still see it,

We still recognize that this is what's happening to some degree.

And then the sickness,

Of course,

We don't like the sickness,

We don't like the pain that's associated with the sickness,

We don't like the loss of independence that's associated with the sickness.

But,

But we can still to some degree,

See,

Yes,

This is happening.

But with dying,

Like we cannot conceive that we would not exist.

It's just this,

It's so imper,

It's so inconceivable to us that like me,

Me,

Solid,

Independent me is not going to exist.

And while yes,

We can see other people dying all around us,

Or hearing about people dying all around us,

Reading about it,

We still don't think it will happen to us.

We just cannot conceive of this happening.

And so,

We know that we,

We have this resistance to death,

We think that we have endless amounts of time.

And we know we think we have endless amounts of time,

Every time we say to ourselves,

I'll be happy when,

I'll be happy when my neighbor stops making that noise.

I'll be happy when I get done with this big project.

I'll be happy when I get this promotion.

I'll be happy when I get the new phone,

The new car.

I'll be happy when,

What it's really implying is,

I will start living when these good conditions arise.

And what's that,

What that implies is that I think I have endless amounts of time.

Because surely,

Only someone who is immortal would have the audacity to think that he has endless amounts of time.

And yet,

This is what we think,

Because we don't think we're going to die.

So,

When we contemplate,

I'm of the nature to die,

I cannot escape dying,

It reminds us that we don't have endless amounts of time.

To come out of this delusion where we think that we are,

We are going to be here forever,

Because this is going to be over in an instant.

And so,

It's to wake us up to start living now,

Not just for the good conditions,

Not just when we're getting the praise,

When we're on the holiday,

When we're having the fun things happen in life,

But for the mundane moments,

For the challenges in life,

For the osteoporosis,

As Lisa Nanda is saying,

Like,

For all of these things,

For being alive,

For living,

All of our lives in its entirety,

Not just parts of our lives,

Because if we do that,

Then we're really not living our lives at all.

And it's like we are,

We're on this,

Like,

We're on this roller coaster,

This kind of,

This big,

Massive roller coaster,

And everyone's in their own little cart.

And we're going up and down and around and doing loops,

And sometimes it's just kind of going along sideways or just steady,

And sometimes just a little bit in decline,

A little bit incline,

It's a little bit more difficult.

But the whole time that we're on this ride,

We want the ride to be somewhere else.

I want the ride to be over there.

I want to be further ahead.

No,

No,

No,

I want to be back there now.

Oh,

No,

No,

Look at them.

Look at them on their ride.

Wow,

I want to be on their ride.

That looks amazing.

Oh,

I don't want to be on their ride.

Look at them over there.

That looks painful.

That looks scary.

And we spend our whole time on the ride,

Or most of our time on the ride,

Wanting our ride to be somewhere other than where it is.

Forgetting that it's a ride.

Put your hands up.

Enjoy the ride.

That you can't be anywhere else other than where you are on the ride.

But because we're constantly trying to imagine we can control the ride to be somewhere other than where it actually is,

We overlook all the features of the ride.

Oh,

That this ride has senses,

And it can see,

And it can see beautiful images and colors and textures and beautiful sunrises and sunsets and full moons and friends and family.

Wow,

It can see all of these beautiful things.

But we're barely seeing.

We're looking,

But we're not seeing,

Because we're looking to where we want to go,

Because I have endless amounts of time.

Or we forget,

Oh,

This ride can hear,

And it can hear beautiful sounds,

Sounds,

Music,

Words that can touch us inside,

Open us up,

Pierce something so deep inside of us,

That when we open up and listen,

That this is part of the ride as well.

But so much of the ride,

We're not really hearing,

Because we're so focused on where we want to be.

We're not really feeling,

We're not feeling the breeze on our face,

The warm sunlight,

You know,

A hug when you're holding another person,

You haven't seen them for a while,

And a big hug,

Like we don't,

We're kind of rushing through the hug to get to the next moment,

Instead of savoring that feeling of recognizing that we are here on this amazing ride.

And we have all these ways to experience the ride that we can taste all these amazing foods,

But we barely taste them at all,

Because we're comparing what did it taste like,

What I thought it was going to taste like?

What am I going to have next?

Barely chewing and even swallowing the food before it's even chewed,

Because we're already thinking about the next bite.

That this ride can experience joy and sorrow,

And bliss and grief,

And laughter and pain,

And euphoria,

And sadness,

And it has this full range of experiences that this ride comes with.

And we read about it in these great books that the other rides have written,

To describe rides and lives,

Wow,

Look at the adventures of that life,

Look at what this person did,

Look at what that person did,

Amazing.

We see the trials and tribulations along the way.

We don't just see them getting what they want.

We see the whole,

We see the entirety of the life in the book,

In the movie.

And we think,

Wow,

We're so inspired.

We're like,

One day,

That'll be me.

One day,

I'll start living too.

But not now.

Not now,

In the future.

Because I have endless amounts of time.

So when we contemplate,

When we reflect,

I am of the nature to die.

I cannot escape dying.

We remember we don't have endless amounts of time.

And in remembering we don't have endless amounts of time,

We start paying attention to this moment,

The present moment,

And we start seeing what's really going on.

And what we start seeing is that I'm not on a ride.

I am the ride.

I am awareness experiencing itself as Meredith.

Awareness experiencing itself as Libby,

As Sue,

As Jessica,

As Philippa,

As Sandy.

That we are not separate in any way.

As if if you were to look on a beach and you would see,

Out of the sand comes a sandcastle.

And the sandcastle has a different form now,

Because of the way the sand has been put together.

But the sandcastle will then go back into the sand.

Or the wave,

The wave that comes out of the ocean,

Will eventually go back into the ocean.

And every other sentient being on this planet,

The birds,

The animals,

The bees,

The fish,

Everyone gets they are a little wave bobbing along this ocean.

And that they are just going to go back into the ocean at some time.

So they're very happy just living their lives from moment to moment.

Still planning ahead if they need to build a little nest,

Get some food,

They're still quite capable of surviving.

But they're enjoying the ride.

They know they are the ride.

But humans,

We seem to think we're bobbing along as the wave.

And then we look ahead and we go,

Oh,

No,

No.

The wave is going to crash into the shore and I'm going to be annihilated.

Oh,

No,

I don't want that.

And we start to panic.

I've got to put this off.

I can't,

I can't.

Oh,

No,

I can't be obliterated.

So we go back to thinking,

I have endless amounts of time,

I don't want to think about death.

It's not going to happen to me.

It's too scary.

Because we don't understand.

We're not the wave.

We're the ocean.

And imperceptibly,

This has been happening our whole lives with the wave has been in effect,

Crashing and going back again and again.

Because none of us identifies as the baby that we once were.

Where's the baby?

And yet we still remain.

None of us identifies as the toddler,

As the teenager,

As the young adult,

All the way along.

There has been something we have identified with that is now gone and yet something has remained this whole time.

And this is what the Buddha and Jesus and all the great sages have been telling us.

You are not the wave.

You are the ocean.

Wake up now.

This life is precious.

It is a gift that we toss back every time we think,

I'll be happy when,

Or if I could just go back there.

We are just tossing away the gift of this life that we have right now to see and hear and feel and love and experience and to appreciate and to really fully be alive.

That we can only be alive in this moment,

Just as we can only wake up in this moment.

That we throw this away again and again and again,

Because we live in this little delusion,

This little matrix of a box we put ourselves in thinking,

Sure,

Everyone else is going to die,

But not me.

I have endless amounts of time.

And so the Buddha tells us,

Think about this,

Contemplate this every day,

That we should say each remembrance,

All five of them every day.

I am of the nature to die.

I cannot escape dying.

Not to make me sad,

Not to make me afraid,

But to wake us up and to start living now.

So we contemplate to keep reminding ourselves,

I don't have endless amounts of time.

And then we also can do death meditations,

So that what we can see in the meditation as we go through the process,

Which is what we are going to do in a minute,

And which is why I flip the meditation to do after the Dharma talk.

That when we go through the stages,

The eight stages of dying,

The four stages of the physical body,

Or the physical elements,

You know,

Earth,

Water,

Fire,

Wind,

Really visualizing and imagining these changes happening.

And yet through each one,

Something still remains.

And then going through the subtler levels of consciousness and seeing how through all of these levels,

As they dissolve,

The mental activity,

The attachments,

The sense of I,

As these dissolve,

Something still remains to give us more of that experience of really knowing this to be true.

So really taking this idea of dying from an intellectual understanding,

And really knowing it to be true by going through and imagining what is death.

Because we have an idea of death that once the elements are done,

That we're done.

And we have a very,

In the West,

Because we have a very material view of the world.

We think once the material is done,

Once the body is done,

We're done.

We think we will be annihilated.

And this is very scary for us.

So when we even think about death meditations,

We think,

Wow,

How terrifying,

Why would I want to imagine my death?

Because as we go through each stage,

What you see is that you still remain.

The awareness that is expressing itself as Alice,

As Lisa Nanda,

As Catherine,

As Chris,

As Matt,

Still remains.

It gives us that sense,

That real,

That true understanding of what it is that we really are.

Not to become something,

Right?

But to recognize the awareness is always here,

Unchanged,

Untouched.

The experience of Meredith is constantly changing.

And the more that we start to see,

There is something here,

Fundamental,

That is untouched and unchanged,

And expansive and open and infinite.

We can enjoy the ride that we are and not get so lost in it,

Not get so caught up in it,

Not be indifferent to it.

In fact,

Just the opposite,

To fully appreciate and experience it,

To experience every aspect of our lives,

Because this will be over in an instant.

In an instant,

We have this gift to appreciate the life that we're on,

The life that we're living.

And we should be more grateful for it,

More appreciative of it.

And we show that by living.

We show that gratitude by living,

By feeling,

By opening ourselves up in each and every moment to whatever it is that's arising,

Knowing that this is an incredible,

Amazing ride.

And we shouldn't throw it away.

So,

We need to keep remembering,

I am of the nature to die,

I cannot escape dying.

So,

That is as part of our contemplation every day,

And then also as part of the meditation.

So,

We're going to do the meditation in a minute.

And I will say,

Because of course,

I don't know what everyone is going through here,

This is not a gruesome meditation by any stretch,

But we are going to be visualizing that we're dying,

And going through the physical elements,

Leaving,

And then the different states of consciousness.

And then we're going to come back.

So,

Once we get to the clear light of awareness,

Then we're going to work our way back,

Bringing the sense of I back,

Bringing the mental activities back,

The attachments back,

Kind of reconstituting the body again.

So,

That again,

As we even come back to really maintain that sense of awareness the entire time,

So that we get more in touch with the awareness that is experiencing all of this.

So,

We don't get so lost in Meredith,

You know,

Kind of narrowing everything down,

But opening up to,

Oh,

Yeah,

Meredith is how awareness is experiencing the ride,

From this unique viewpoint over here.

And Alice is having a unique viewpoint.

And Alice is sharing that she had a friend that lived to be 104.

And so many people say this when they get to especially 104,

But when they get older,

It goes by in the blink of an eye.

It does.

That we don't want to wait until until we're,

We're until our lives are nearly over to remember how quickly this ends.

To learn to live our lives now by appreciating,

By contemplating,

Yes,

I am of the nature to die,

And to do meditations like this to do.

So,

We're going to do the eight stages of death from a Tibetan Buddhist perspective.

We're not going to go into the bardo for any of you that,

Philippa,

You've probably done that before.

We're not going to go into the next three stages going into that.

We're just going to go to the clear light awareness.

And then we're going to bring ourselves back.

So,

It's not going to be gruesome.

However,

If you,

At any moment,

You sense any too much fear,

Or again,

There's something going on in your life,

And you're just I'm just not ready for this yet.

I'm not really ready to do the meditation.

No judgment whatsoever.

In fact,

It's very wise to recognize if we're not ready for something.

So,

If for any reason,

It just becomes too much,

You can either just return to your breath for a little bit,

If you just want to kind of tune my words out for a little bit,

If you want to stick around for the talk for the you know,

The comments afterwards.

Or you can just you can hop off the call.

And again,

No judgment whatsoever,

Because maybe we're just planting a seed for you today.

And maybe again,

Something might be going on that you're not ready for this.

But I think most of you will find it is not a meditation that leaves us in greater fear.

In fact,

Just the opposite,

Because we are facing what is inevitable for every one of us.

And because we don't want to look at it,

And we start to look at it,

And experience it,

And realizing that death is not an annihilation.

It's a returning home.

It's just the wave returning back into the ocean.

And so,

By doing that,

Again,

Appreciating the wave while we are this wave bobbing around,

Appreciating it and living it,

Living this life.

Now,

Now,

The only time we can live is now.

Okay,

So before we jump into the meditation,

Does anyone have any questions or comments?

Does it make sense so far?

Everyone okay?

We good?

Okay,

With that,

We are going to jump in.

I will take the hearts as we are good.

Thank you.

And if any of you want to lie down for this meditation,

Perfectly fine.

This is one of the meditations you can do lying down,

Unless you're really,

Really tired.

If you're really tired,

I wouldn't do it lying down.

But if you feel all right,

And you want to lie down for it,

That's perfectly,

Perfectly fine.

Okay,

So let's go ahead and start.

So,

Just find a comfortable position.

Again,

Either sitting down or lying down.

Close your eyes.

And just take a few deep breaths to start.

Breathing in and out of your nose.

And at the end of your next exhale,

Just let your breath flow naturally.

And now I want you to imagine that you are on your deathbed.

You're dying.

And you can imagine that you're in your home,

In your bed,

Propped up by some pillows,

A soft blanket keeping you warm.

And you can imagine that all of your affairs are in order.

All your possessions are going to the people you want them to go to.

All the conversations that needed to take place have taken place.

And you feel a great sense of relief and peace.

There's nothing left to do.

There is nothing left to do.

And you can feel a heaviness in the body,

A tiredness.

And there's this sense of just surrendering to the heaviness,

To the fatigue.

Your eyelids are heavy,

The limbs feel weak.

And you're not fighting this at all.

You're not fearing it.

And then as the earth element dissolves,

The sense of solidity to the body,

The structure starts to dissolve and there's a sense of spaciousness,

Of feeling lighter.

That the firm structure of this body you've taken yourself to be your whole life is now dissolving.

But you're not afraid,

You're not resisting this.

You know you are not the body.

You are the awareness that remains.

And as the water element begins to dissolve,

Your circulation slows down,

The blood flow slows down.

When the bodily fluids dry up,

You're no longer producing tears or saliva.

And there's a sense of dryness in the mouth,

In the body.

And even though it's a little bit uncomfortable,

You don't resist this.

You don't have any fear because you know you are not the sensations,

You are the awareness that remains.

And as the fire element begins to dissolve,

Your digestion stops,

And you feel the warmth and the energy leaving your body.

Your body heat decreases.

And as you start to feel a coldness coming on,

And the world's becoming more faint,

But you're not afraid,

You don't resist this.

Because you know you are not the warmth of the body.

You are the awareness that remains.

Aware of the warmth leaving,

Aware of the cold sensations,

Untouched by them.

And in the next stage,

The wind element begins to dissolve,

And the breath becomes more shallow,

The pauses between each breath become greater.

There's a fading awareness of the bodily sensations,

A sense of the wind element leaving,

Of the air leaving the body.

And you don't fear this.

You don't resist any of it.

You know you are not the breath.

You are the awareness that remains.

And the next sign is the arising of the white appearance,

A luminous white light radiating,

Filling every space around you.

And you feel yourself just resting as energy in this light.

No borders,

No edges,

No limits.

Just resting here.

As the mental gross activity of the subtler levels of consciousness starts to dissolve,

The thoughts and worries,

Judgments,

Preferences.

And even if there's the faintest remnant of a thought,

It's just lost all its stickiness.

And there's no fear as you're aware of the mental chatter dissolving.

You know you are not your thoughts.

You are not your mental activity.

You are the awareness that remains.

Luminous,

Spacious,

Serene.

The white light begins to fade as the red appearance arises,

Like the warm colors of a sunset,

This reddish glow.

And you feel the warmth of this red glow,

The spaciousness,

The ease.

And any lingering attachments of desires start to fade away.

Any subtle clinging to loved ones starts to fade away.

You're letting go,

But there's no fear.

There's no resistance.

You are not your attachments,

Your desires.

You are the awareness that remains.

And the red appearance begins to dissolve as if the sun was setting.

And darkness arises.

The black near attainment stage,

The subtlest level of consciousness dissolving.

And you don't fear this darkness.

It's not heavy.

It's not foreboding.

And so you're just resting in this limitless void of darkness.

And here all time and space and concepts dissolve,

Including the sense of I.

And you don't fear any of this dissolving going away.

You know you are not the separate I.

You are not the ideas of time and concepts and space.

You are the awareness that remains beyond all form,

All thought,

Beyond all boundaries.

And out of the darkness,

A clear light,

Luminous radiance starts to appear within the stillness.

And you are not separate from this clear light awareness.

It is your own awareness,

The essence of your being,

The true nature of your mind is revealed.

You are this awareness,

Boundless,

Spacious,

Radiant and free.

You have come home.

This has always been you.

You have never been separate from this awareness.

It has been here the whole time.

You have simply forgotten.

And so it feels like this returning home,

Coming back to true love.

But in fact,

You never left it at all.

You simply overlooked it.

And you start to hear the faintest echoes of the world.

And the darkness starts to arise.

And you don't fear the darkness arising.

You don't fear the sense of an identity arising.

You know you are not the identity.

You are not the name,

The form.

You are the awareness that is aware of the identity.

Unmoved,

Unchanged,

Boundless,

Luminous,

Spacious,

This time you won't forget.

And as the darkness fades and the reddish glow appears,

You hear the world a little bit more closely.

Some attachments starting to arise to remember your loved ones,

You remember your possessions.

But you don't get lost in them.

Because you know you are not your attachments.

You are not your desires.

You are the awareness that is aware of your attachments and desires.

And you don't forget that.

And the red glow starts to fade,

Replaced by the white appearance,

The luminous white light.

And you become more aware of your attachments and desires.

Aware of some mental chatter off in the distance,

Thoughts.

They're not sticky thoughts.

You see them.

You know you're not your thoughts.

You're the awareness,

Aware of the thoughts.

Unmoved,

Untouched,

By them.

Open,

Vast,

Limitless.

And you don't forget that this is who you really are.

And you start to feel the wind element coming back into the body.

The breath becomes more steady.

The air becomes more available.

But you remember you're not the air element.

You're not the breath.

You are the awareness,

Aware of the breath.

Vast and luminous,

Spacious,

At ease.

And as the fire element comes back in,

You start to feel a sense of warmth.

There's some energy in the body.

And while you welcome the warmth,

It feels pleasant.

You don't get lost in it.

You know you are the warmth.

You are not the warmth.

You are the awareness that is aware of the warmth.

The awareness that is untouched,

Unchanged,

Unmoved.

Vast and free.

And as the water element returns,

You feel the fluids moving in the body.

A moistness.

Circulation increases.

The blood flow increases.

You know you are not the moisture in the body.

You are the awareness that is aware of the moisture in the body.

The unchanging,

Immovable awareness.

Infinite,

Open,

Free.

And you don't forget this.

And as the earth element arises,

You start to feel a sense of solidity in the body.

Some firmness.

But you know you are not the body.

You are the awareness that is aware of the body.

And you don't forget that this time.

And as you rest here,

Feeling the breath moving through your body,

Feeling the sense of the body,

The aliveness,

The energy,

The warmth,

The sounds of the world,

The sense of I,

The mental chatter,

The attachments and the desires.

They're all still here,

But you're no longer lost in it.

You know you are the awareness that is aware of all of this.

That is always here,

Always present.

Giving spaciousness and ease to the experience.

So you don't get too lost in it.

And so that you're able to appreciate this life,

To enjoy the pleasures,

To enjoy the connections with other beings,

To not get lost in the challenges,

But to fully appreciate this experience that's here.

It won't last forever.

And that doesn't scare you because you know you are the awareness that remains.

And this time,

You won't forget.

And we'll just rest here for a few more moments.

And as we begin to come out of the meditation,

Really getting a sense of feeling back in the body.

And when you're ready,

You can open your eyes.

So that is the Eight Stages of Death,

According to Tibetan Buddhism.

And I hope a meditation that you will do a little more regularly,

Because these meditations are meant to help us connect back to what is always here,

But that we're not lost in it.

We just continuously overlook because we get so lost in the little me that we think has endless amounts of time.

So while still contemplating each day too,

I am of the nature to die.

I cannot escape dying.

And just to be thinking about that,

To keep that in the forefront,

Maybe saying at the beginning of your meditation,

The end of your meditation,

When you wake up,

When you go to sleep,

Along with the other remembrances.

But then also doing the death meditations to go through the stages of it.

I mean,

There is nothing like going through it to experience it directly,

To no longer fear it.