Yeah,
Veronica,
So I missed your comment earlier where you were saying that through your meditation,
I think I find through my meditation piece,
I think is what you're putting there,
Then exterior influences like relationship breakdowns make you feel like you're back to square one.
Yeah,
I do find that,
In fact,
It's a reflection of what we need to work on.
It's a reflection in that we need to feel okay.
We need to be able to feel that sense of that we're okay,
Not dependent upon others,
Not dependent on others.
But that if we're having a problem in a relationship,
And it's really making us doubt ourselves on the path,
Then we have to recognize,
Oh,
I still have some things here I need to work on.
Perhaps I need to work on some self-compassion,
Like you were saying,
You know,
Perhaps that's what I need to work on,
Some self-compassion.
Perhaps I need to work on some tonglen,
Some compassion for the other person because I'm having some resentment and anger towards them.
Oh,
This is pointing me into what I need to work on.
Anywhere that we're having resistance,
As soon as you can acknowledge that you're starting to doubt yourself on the path,
And Veronica,
We have all been there.
We have all been there.
Let's be honest.
We've all had it,
And it's like,
Oh,
I'm such a bad practitioner.
I can't believe this.
Everything was going so well,
And then there was a misunderstanding.
I'm such a bad practitioner.
And as soon as we do realize what it is that we're doing and acknowledging,
What can I learn here?
What can I learn here?
Yeah,
And I would say in relationships,
Most often with relationships,
It's compassion.
We need to do some more compassion practices.
We're not seeing things clearly,
And they can be a great opening to seeing things more clearly.
So it's always,
Whatever it is,
For whatever reason we're in the hole,
For whatever reason we're suffering,
It's also showing us there's something here that I haven't quite gotten yet.
And in this beating myself up because I think I'm a bad practitioner now,
Well,
Okay,
What if I just came in and felt that?
Here's the feeling of self-loathing.
What if I welcome this?
And what if I even use some self-compassion,
Just like me?
Millions of meditators are feeling like they're a bad practitioner right now.
Oh,
This is kind of part of the normal experience.
This is what everyone goes through.
I don't have to beat myself up for this.
This is part of the normal experience.
So what is it?
And then in kind of recognizing that,
We can look and go,
Ah,
I was grasping again.
I needed all my relationships to be in good order to feel peace and freedom.
I forgot that relationships are impermanent.
And sometimes all of our relationships are going great,
And that's wonderful when they are.
It's amazing when they are.
Have gratitude,
Appreciate it.
But it won't last.
It won't last.
Somewhere along the line,
Something's going to get a little rocky.
There's going to be a misunderstanding,
Or there's going to be a little distance,
Or maybe you're just thinking,
Oh,
They haven't responded to my text in three days or something,
Right?
And then it's just that noticing there it is.
There's,
Oh,
I was grasping again.
The problem wasn't that there's a misunderstanding or a miscommunication with this person.
I mean,
Again,
There's always something for us to do on the internal and then to kind of recognize what should I do on the external with this.
But I would go inwards first and say,
Oh,
I was grasping.
I thought I needed everything to be perfect,
To be free.
That is not freedom,
Not freedom.
It's temporary.
What we're looking for is freedom.
And so in coming in and recognizing,
Oh,
This is the feeling of someone angry at me,
Someone not liking me,
Someone saying bad things about me.
And the fear,
What's the fear over now?
My reputation.
Ooh,
Ah,
I'm grasping at that,
The little me.
Because here I am perfectly safe and fine.
And yet in my mind,
I'm spinning this nightmare.
And so we start to see,
Ah,
There it is.
There's the grasping at the me.
Everyone needs to see me like this.
And now one person doesn't.
You know what I'm saying?
Kind of like on a pedestal.
Now one person doesn't,
And I can't live with myself.
I was grasping.
If my freedom,
My peace is dependent upon what everyone thinks about me,
Well,
There's no freedom in that.
No freedom at all.
So it points us to help us see,
Ah,
That,
Okay,
I was doing that.
Now let me breathe and feel this.
Because yeah,
It hurts when someone doesn't like us or is saying unkind things about us.
What we need is some compassion,
Some self-compassion in that moment.
Sweetheart,
This is tough.
This hurts.
Yeah,
It does hurt.
Right?
Really being with what's here,
Breathing,
Feeling it,
Comforting ourselves,
Being kind,
Right?
Moving closer to what it is that's happening,
The experience that's arising in this moment.
As we're doing that,
Moving to what's closer,
The little separate self,
Of course,
Is gone,
Only exists in particular types of thoughts.
And then from that place of like,
Ah,
Yes,
I feel okay again.
And maybe it's appropriate to respond to them.
You might think maybe it's not,
They need some time.
Maybe I can do a little tonglen,
That way I can feel close to them.
But without having to push myself on them,
Because right now,
You know,
Maybe what I did was a little too painful,
And they need some space,
And to be okay with that.
Okay?
