Hello everyone.
Today the topic is one that many of us struggle with.
How to be yourself and stop being a people pleaser.
This is something I think a lot of us can relate to.
Whether it's in small ways like saying yes when we really mean no or in bigger ways like shaping our entire lives around other people's expectations.
But here's the thing,
People pleasing can rob us of our authenticity leaving us disconnected from who we truly are.
In today's episode we'll explore why we feel the need to please others,
How it affects us and most importantly how we break free and start living for ourselves.
So let's start by asking the big question.
Why do we become people pleasers?
For most of us it starts early.
Maybe as kids we learned that if we were good or agreeable we'd get approval or love.
It felt safer to go along with what others wanted than risk being rejected or disliked.
Over time that pattern sticks.
As adults we find ourselves bending over backward to make sure everyone around us is happy whether it's friends,
Family or even co-workers.
But here's the catch,
No matter how hard we try it is impossible to make everyone happy and in the process of trying we lose touch with our own needs,
Desires and sense of self.
People pleasing often stems from a deep-rooted fear of rejection.
We fear that if we show our true selves,
If we express our real opinions,
Wants or needs others might not accept us.
So we hide behind a mask of agreeableness but living like this takes a toll.
The more we try to mold ourself into what others want us to be,
The further we drift from our authentic self and when we are not sure to ourselves we are not truly happy.
We might get temporary approval from others but inside there's this snagging feeling that something isn't quite right.
Does that sound familiar?
If it does don't worry you're not alone.
The good news is that you can break free from people pleasing.
It starts with recognizing the patterns and make the conscious choice to put your own needs and values first.
Now I know what you might be thinking but if I stop pleasing people won't they be upset?
The truth is some people might be.
When you stop living your life according to others expectations it can make people uncomfortable especially if they're used to you always saying yes.
But here's what I want you to remember.
The right people,
The ones who truly care about you will respect your boundaries and support your growth.
In fact setting boundaries and saying no is not just healthy for you,
It's healthy for your relationships.
When we constantly saying yes out of obligation we build up resentment over time and that resentment can cause even more harm to our relationships than a honest no ever could.
So how do we start?
How do we move from being a people pleaser to being unapologetically ourselves?
It begins with self-awareness.
Pay attention to the moments when you feel the need to please others.
Ask yourself am I doing this because I genuinely want to or because I feel like I have to?
Here's an example.
Let's say a friend asks you to help them with something but you're already overwhelmed with your own commitment.
Instead of immediately saying out of habit,
Take a moment to check in with yourself.
If the thought of helping adds stress to your plate it's okay to pull a cheating line.
You could say something like I'd like to help but I'm really swamped right now let's plan something for another time.
It's about honoring your own limits and being honest not just with others but with yourself.
Another part of this process is letting go of the need for external validation.
People pleasers often rely on others approval to feel good about themselves but here's the truth.
No amount of validation from others will fill the void if you're not living in alignment with your true self.
You have to start giving yourself the approval you've been seeking from others.
This means acknowledging your own worth,
Celebrating your strengths and trusting that who you are is enough without needing to change or adapt to fit anyone else's expectations.
This can be tough because it requires unlearning years maybe even decades of people-pleasing behavior but once you start giving yourself permission to be who you truly are you will feel a sense of freedom that is hard to describe.
Another important step is to stop apologizing for being yourself.
Have you ever noticed how often people-pleasers say I'm sorry even when they haven't done anything wrong?
It's almost like a reflex.
We apologize for taking up space,
For having opinions,
For needing time to ourselves.
You don't need to apologize for being you.
Your thoughts,
Feelings and needs are valid.
You deserve to take up space in this world just like anyone else.
The more you practice standing in your truth without apologizing for it,
The more confident you'll become in your authenticity.
Now let's talk about boundaries.
Setting boundaries is one of the most powerful ways to stop people-pleasing and start honoring your own needs.
But for many of us,
Boundaries feel uncomfortable because we worry about how others will react.
The key to setting boundaries is to do it with kindness and clarity.
Boundaries aren't about pushing people away,
They are about creating healthy respectful relationships where both parties feel valued.
You can set boundaries with love by being honest about what you need while still showing care for the other person.
For example,
If a friend always expects you to drop everything for them,
You might say I care about you but I also need to take care of myself.
I can't always be available at the last minute but I'd love to plan something in advance.
By setting clear boundaries,
You're teaching others how to treat you and you're teaching yourself that your needs matter.
So here's my challenge for you this week.
Pay attention to the moment when you feel the urge to please others at the expense of yourself.
Practice saying no when something doesn't align with your values or needs and most importantly,
Give yourself permission to be unapologetically you.
Remember,
Being yourself isn't selfish,
It's essentially for your well-being.
When you stop trying to be everything to everyone,
You'll find that the right people will love and respect you for who you truly are.
