Releasing Grief: Talk & Meditation

Hi everyone.

Everyone experiences grief and loss in their lives.

Sometimes it's hard to let go of,

And no one is immune.

There can be all kinds of feelings tied to loss,

Sorrow,

Anger,

Betrayal,

Just to name a few.

However,

This raw vulnerability is what truly connects us to our own humanity and to each other.

When we see others in pain,

It moves us to our own compassionate,

Authentic heart.

It moves us to act in great kindness on another's behalf,

Even if we don't know them.

Grief introduced me to meditation.

I'd like to share that story with you now.

Fourteen years ago,

I came home from the UK after completing my undergraduate in psychology.

I spent that Thanksgiving in Mississauga General watching my mother and one of my best friends both dying in the same hospital.

One in a diabetic coma,

The other with an aggressive brain tumor.

My mother died after a few weeks and my friend held on for a few months.

At the same time,

I was also going through separation and divorce from my partner in Northern Ireland,

And I was going through culture shock from coming back to Canada after living seven years abroad.

Honestly if someone had told me to embrace positivity or to look at all that I had to be grateful for that year,

I probably would have had a pretty intense desire to punch them in the face.

While I sat in my mom's hospital room,

Day after day,

Wetting her tongue and her lips,

Praying she would wake up,

And bawling my eyes out,

I noticed the other woman sharing her room.

She was in a coma too,

And her daughter sat with her day after day,

Meditating and radiating peace.

I wondered how she could feel so calm when I felt like screaming at the sky.

This curiosity led me to Buddhism and meditation.

We are living in a culture that has forgotten how to grieve.

Most of what we try to do for ourselves falls under numbing out.

We are all carrying around our own tears,

And today I would like to lead you through a couple of practices that I hope you will find helpful.

The first practice has an art therapy element.

Working through difficult emotions often involves crying.

That's okay.

Crying is a natural part of grieving.

In the Lakota Sioux Nation,

It was believed that grieving brought us closer to the gods.

When someone suffered a great loss,

They were believed to be most holy and their prayers most powerful,

And others would ask them to pray for them.

What I have noticed is that grief brings us closer to each other and creates in us a heart of great compassion.

If you've been through something and you hear of another person going through the same thing,

Immediately your heart goes out to them.

So this practice aims to honor those holy tears.

Find a box or a bag made from paper and decorate them in images or colors that will honor the grief that you are experiencing.

If you are not the only one grieving,

You can invite others who are grieving to share your box or bag,

Or invite them to make their own.

Save your tissues from crying and place them within the box or the bag.

When you feel that you're ready,

Set a time to burn your tears safely or to bury them.

No one gets to tell you how long to grieve for,

So do it when it's right for you.

Now I would like to lead you through a short body scan and vocal release meditation.

Find a comfortable position.

Close your eyes if you feel comfortable,

Or simply let your eyes go out of focus.

Feel where your body makes contact with the floor.

Notice how Mother Earth is supporting you.

Begin to notice your breathing.

Allow yourself to become aware of the present moment,

Gently bringing awareness to your experience and awareness to your breath and bodily sensations.

You do not need to change your breath in any way.

Just simply notice.

Now bring your attention to the top of your head,

Then to your forehead and temples.

Release any tension there.

Notice your jaw muscles,

Let any tension there go,

And relax your whole face.

Bring your attention to your neck and shoulders and let them relax.

Then bring your focus down to your upper chest where your lungs rest.

You may notice that they're heavy with sorrow.

That's okay.

I want you to breathe in deeply.

When you release your breath,

Slowly make the sound.

The healing sound of lungs in Qigong.

Breathe like this for a few moments,

Imagining you are releasing the heaviness and sorrow.

Good,

Now breath again.

Now I'd like you to bring your attention to your heart.

You may notice that it feels heavy.

Breathe deeply into it,

And when you slowly release your breath,

Make the sound,

Ah,

Releasing that heaviness.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Now bring your attention to the liver.

Perhaps it's hot with anger,

The unfairness of it all.

Breathe deeply into it.

When you slowly release your breath,

Make the sound,

Shoo,

Releasing the heat from the liver.

Shoo.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Shoo.

Shoo.

Ah.

Ah.

Next,

Bring your attention to your spleen.

Perhaps you can feel the weight of worry there,

Wondering what you are going to do now.

Breathe deeply into it and slowly release,

Making the sound hoo,

Releasing any worry and overthinking.

Hoo.

Hoo.

Hoo.

Now bring your attention to your kidneys.

Perhaps you can feel fear rusting there,

Fear about what might happen next.

Breathe deeply into it,

Making the sound,

You,

Releasing any fear residing there.

You.

You.

You.

You.

You.

You.

Breathe into your whole body.

Igniting the triple burner.

Noticing if you feel any residual tension,

They may be lingering.

Breathe deeply.

And when you release,

Make the sound,

She.

Letting go of all heaviness in the whole body.

She.

She.

She.

She.

Now slowly bring your attention back to the room.

Feeling lighter and calmer.

Notice the temperature of the air on your skin.

Notice the sounds around you.

You can wiggle your fingers and toes.

And open your eyes and stretch.

I hope very much that this brought you some small measure of relief.

Know that you're not alone and that my heart goes out to you.

The divine in me bows to the divine in your precious soul.

Namaste.

You.