Awareness Satsang: The Road Back Home

I really want to talk about this whole issue around,

You know,

Your feelings getting hurt sometimes.

So,

You know,

Alma talks about that to be a sincere seeker,

You have to learn to lie down for operations.

Now,

I actually used to lie down and I would actually feel myself actually being pushed into a hospital and operating room.

I'm not kidding.

And I would feel the energetic operation going on to help me clear my issues,

You know,

But I had a lot of time and I had a lot of time by myself.

So,

With you guys,

This is like surgery.

Now,

It's very loving surgery,

But I will go right in to your misunderstandings,

Your ego misunderstandings.

And this really helps when you,

You know,

When you talk,

When you have a question or just some kind of observation where you give an opening so that I can go in.

Now,

This will,

You will find it irritating,

Irritating and anger producing,

Or sometimes you can even get scared.

Okay.

This is good because it means that you're actually giving up your ego and letting it be reduced because whatever I do or comes through me to do will be lifting the thing that is obstructing your progress the most at this time.

And if you guys listen to the question and answers,

You will hear me sort of almost stalk somebody.

Like you think of a,

You know,

A lion wanting to pounce.

It's like I start stalking them and what they say and I follow and I follow and they say,

Okay,

I finished.

And I'm going,

You're not finished.

And I get them keeping talking till we reached the pounce point,

The click,

The place where the ego gets smaller.

Like for example,

A wonderful gentleman recently saw that he actually was judging people and he was not seeing their humanity.

Okay.

To get to that is a triumph if somebody lets me do this.

But the other thing is,

It is totally possible to be on the spiritual journey and avoid this level.

And you know,

There are many,

Many people who are doing wonderful work at the ashram,

But I have also witnessed many people not going anywhere near their egos.

Okay.

So,

The good news is,

Even though this can be sort of a sharp shock,

It can heal up very quickly because of the love.

Because you know that I love you.

The love coming through,

It's like,

It's like the love of your own soul for you,

Helping you get closer to your truth.

And so,

You can heal up from this surgery quickly.

You don't have to walk around.

Like,

You see,

Without this kind of thing,

If without a teacher,

What happens is life does it to us.

So,

Whatever trauma you've got,

If you don't have a teacher,

Life will just do it to you.

So,

You might get fired,

Somebody leaves you,

Whatever trauma happens,

And you just have to then pick yourself up,

And it can take years.

Or you can let a teacher go in and cut your ego out.

Now,

The example I've told,

Some of you know this,

That when I was in my 30s and I went to see Abraham,

And we were doing this,

This was a very good example of the surgery,

And this was far more violent than anything I do with you guys,

Although the results can be the same.

It's just this way is the way of the woman,

Through words,

And through the use of the interpretation,

Softer.

And the way Abraham did it with me was more the way of the male.

Okay,

So,

I've told you this,

We're doing this orange mud ceremony,

And I so won't want enlightenment,

But I'm going along with this.

So,

We have to take off all our clothes and cover ourselves with this orange mud,

And we're doing this kind of figure eight thing.

And as I come up to Abraham with a really big smile,

He says,

You're a terrible mother.

And I walk away,

And I go,

If I don't stand up to this jerk,

I'm going to be smaller my whole life.

For me,

It was just a replay of kind of what I got from my dad,

Kind of a reductionist,

Oppressive,

You're nothing,

Right?

And I had just,

You know,

Gone through the leukemia,

My husband left me,

Had the nervous breakdowns,

I had worked,

You know,

My whole life on the line to get better,

To be able to pick up my kids,

And be a mother to them.

So,

This guy's telling me a terrible mother.

Okay,

What he was saying was,

You're caught in your head.

Okay,

It was like,

You know,

Of all the group,

My kids were the only kids who ran up to the parents with joy when we,

You know,

When we finished the day and we were coming up for dinner.

It's like,

My boys would just run to me,

Right?

And it was like,

He was saying I was a terrible mother,

But what he was talking about,

I was lodged in my head.

Yeah.

Right.

And you guys,

That is what I see in you.

So,

He told me this,

And,

You know,

I started slugging him.

Because I just felt like I had nothing to lose,

And this guy was just,

It was just such a replay,

I couldn't stand it.

So,

And the thing was,

It was exactly the right thing to do.

You see,

I lost control.

I saw Red,

And I started slugging him.

That was the best thing I could have done for actually coming out of my head.

And,

You know,

He held me,

And then I just went,

And he said,

Just keep going,

Janet,

You know,

And I was slugging him.

And he held me,

And then I could go down into the sorrow underneath the anger.

And that brought me,

I tapped into my soul.

So,

I was very lucky,

Because this was in the 80s,

And things were a lot tighter.

I was very lucky to come into the company of a self-realized Aboriginal man,

Because it was the Aboriginal level.

It was a primal level that freed me.

I think I could have sat in front of an eastern sage for eternity.

There was something about this primal Hawaiian work that just got through to my heart.

So,

This is what I do with you in a much gentler way.

And all across the board,

You all go,

Oh,

You're wrong,

You're wrong,

You're wrong.

You write about other people,

But not me.

And it's like,

You guys,

This is surgical.

Yeah.

But it will free you.

And the thing is,

You can learn very,

Very fast as you get this.

You know,

As you get that this is just to help you,

You can get your ego disturbed,

And you won't even pay any attention.

You know,

You might feel irritation,

And you'll think,

Oh,

Good.

It's really hard.

You know,

Carlos Castaneda,

Some of you know about Don Long,

The Mexican shaman,

And Carlos Castaneda was an anthropology student who studied with him.

Some people say Carlos made it up,

But I don't think that's possible,

Actually,

Because when I read the books,

It all seems very accurate to me and my understanding of the spiritual journey.

So,

The thing that Don Long said was the biggest problem.

I wonder if you can guess with Carlos,

But not only with Carlos,

With everybody.

Okay.

Don Wong called it self-importance,

You know?

Yeah,

I can say that is very,

Very accurate.

Self-importance,

Often kind of a pompous self-importance,

And I'm going,

Okay.

What's more important,

This lonely citadel of pompous self-importance or actually bringing love in?

And the thing is,

The more you open to what I'm saying,

Like,

The more you get that I just want to help you,

The more you'll just put down your claws,

You know?

It's like the dog at the vet.

The dog will just wait and let the vet do what the vet wants,

Because he knows he's helping.

It's that that really works.

And then you don't even get a surgical wound at all when you do that.

There's actually,

You don't even have to cut the skin then.

It's in the surrender of just letting yourself be helped that takes all the trauma away.

All the trauma disappears.

You know,

When I had that,

This is a physical example of the same principle.

When I had that,

You know,

The breast cancer,

And part of the wound didn't heal up properly,

And I went back to the doctor,

Check up,

And he said,

You're going to have to have another surgical procedure.

But he said,

In the meantime,

He said,

The tumor was 50% what we thought,

And it wasn't in your notes.

It had come out of your notes.

And I was,

Like,

So happy about this,

Like,

That I wouldn't have to get radiation or chemotherapy,

That that wound healed up in two days after that.

Two days,

It was healed.

Okay,

So I went back to the doctor,

And it's like,

They just couldn't believe it.

They were like,

What?

And I said,

Well,

You know,

I was so happy about,

You know,

My body just was expressing its happiness.

But the thing is,

You guys,

When you realize how loving this is,

You can let your irritations and discomfort and grudges,

Like,

Heal up.

And not all of you do this.

There are a couple of people who are really,

Really open to me in a really,

Really delightful way.

But sometimes there's some of you that,

You know,

For years,

I would,

You know,

You'd speak about a problem,

And I'd go in,

And I would just reach anger and blame.

And you would just,

I would just get blamed.

It's like,

And the person rotates in anger,

And it's like,

Okay.

So,

I stopped giving attention then,

Because,

Well,

Why would I?

You know,

We're not machines,

And it's not that,

You know,

That it's good to just present and present all your whole ego.

It's not.

It's gradual.

You'll just know.

You'll just know,

You know,

If something's really bothering you,

Or you're feeling really frustrated.

Whatever's wanting to shift will come up.

But some of you guys,

You have,

Like,

You know,

On the stuff that I say,

I mean,

I even see you do it,

You know.

When I'm talking and I say stuff that's close to your ego,

You will discount this.

Like,

I see you do it,

And go,

Oh,

Kind of forget about it,

Or that's a bit off.

This self-importance,

You guys,

Are,

I mean,

This is why we have created this world right now that is like a tinderbox,

Because the self-importance is at 99% high.

And the funny thing is,

I mean,

In the ego,

Like,

You know,

The egos,

When we get like this,

We actually invite the universe to crush us in the outer world.

We invite an experience of being crushed,

Just because we're holding on so hard to our self-importance.

And the hard thing is,

The sad thing is,

The reason we're holding on to our self-importance is our sorrow underneath.

It's like as a little kid,

A little kid desperately trying to hold on to some kind of self-esteem,

Some kind of feeling of being worth something.

And I deeply understand this,

And I am,

My heart breaks for you,

But I just want to say with some of you,

I'm getting to the point of exhaustion.

And I'm going to become more clinical with you.

Because it's great to have an empathic mother,

But it's like if the replays and replays and replays,

It's like,

Okay,

There has to be a willingness to awaken,

You know?

But again,

I don't want to alarm you or scare you.

Like,

There's lots of patience,

It's okay,

But I'm just,

You know,

Abraham saved my life with this,

Truly.

He saved my life,

Because without that experience,

I would have built on a phony platform.

And that experience was,

He stood in his human maleness,

He was humanly male and divinely male,

And he embraced my humanity and my divinity all in one.

And that's what this work is with you guys.

It's both.

And we don't get self-realization without accepting our humanity,

Accepting it,

And also seeing through it.

It's like a human mother wants to be very,

Would want to actually,

A human mother would really,

Like most times,

Would love to live in a big house and with all their kids,

Even when they grow up,

You know,

That's kind of,

You know,

Have your kid in the next thing,

You know,

That'd be great.

But a spiritual mother would be able to be more non-attached and give the child the freedom to have their whole life.

But,

You know,

It could be actually,

You know,

You could have a physical circumstance where you were living in the same house,

And you were still giving the child that kind of freedom internally,

That kind of understanding that they have their own life.

I found it's the hardest walk.

I was really self-important too.

And the good news about self-importance is,

It was kind of that self-importance helped me kind of,

You know,

When it united with my intrinsic sense of self,

It made me feel like I was worth something.

So,

It was part of what gave me the courage to stand up to Abraham and speak as I did.

And I'll tell you,

There were a lot of women around him who would not say boo,

And they just parroted what he said,

You know,

And I thought missed the whole point.

So,

Self-importance,

You see,

It's not always bad.

It could be a good thing.

Everything can be a good thing.

It's just being aware that maybe you're running it,

And that,

You know,

If you want to be helped,

You have to be willing,

Just as this gentleman was willing to get to the point of illumination,

Where he could make a change in perspective.

Because without the input,

We tend to just circle around in our egos.

We're just clueless.

Or even if we have the intuition that we should be doing something,

We're like,

Don't want to change.

So,

But when a teacher,

You know,

Sees you,

Then you also feel,

Well,

I want to keep studying with this teacher,

So I'll respond to what she says.

Or not even that.

Like,

The best is,

Okay,

The teacher's in truth.

She spoke the truth.

I'm responsible to this,

To the change that she's inviting me to make.

I'm responsible because I'm responsible to my soul.

And really,

It doesn't have much to do with me personally,

You know.

It's just really,

You guys,

How much you want to bond with your own soul.

And some of you would rather fight with me than actually bond with your own soul.

But,

You know,

I had to be crushed by life before I got open to learn.

So,

There's no judgment here.

You know,

Anything I see in you guys,

It's like the pot calling the kettle black.

It's like,

I just see how I was,

Too.

But I found a way out,

And I'm sharing it.

You know,

I saw Ama do stuff that I don't understand,

In a way.

Some things I really understand,

But there's some responses she had to people that I don't understand.

But I figure,

You know,

Maybe it's me that is a little blind as opposed to Ama,

If you get what I mean.

And sometimes a teacher will,

When we're,

Okay,

Here's one of the things.

When we're clearing complexes,

A teacher may act like exactly the parent who bothered us.

And the universe will actually be moving he or her into pressing our buttons that way,

To see.

It's tailor-made just for us,

To bug us,

For the clearing to happen.

It's like a mask or a hat that the teacher takes on for a bit.

Yeah,

So just keep stuff very loose.

Like,

The thing with Abraham was,

That was exactly just like my dad.

Exactly.

And,

You know,

The other thing is,

I want to talk about the importance of innocence.

When I look back,

That's what I see in all the years of my struggles.

Actually,

I see the innocence now,

And I see why.

I just understand how my journey went because I see the level of innocence that I was running,

But I didn't realize it when I was younger.

I just felt like I was doing things wrong.

It was the level of innocence I was struggling to be true to.

This has enormous power.

Innocence is the most powerful force in the world,

Amma says,

Because it's soul,

You guys,

Soul.

Some of you are feeling,

It's like dishrags.

It's kind of,

Some women are feeling this,

Like dishrags.

It's,

I always feel like the women,

We're either like,

You know,

When we're really struggling,

We're like dishrags that are squeezed.

And when we're in our truth,

We're like the Empress.

The dishrags,

Like that feeling of,

You know,

When you're working hard and nobody's praising you,

It's,

The house is still dirty,

Even though you're trying really hard to keep it clean.

The cloth is dirty.

It's just,

Life feels without light.

It's just a slog.

It's just working hard.

I can feel some of you feel that.

There's a lot of light wanting to come to you as you get,

I want to say humbler,

You know,

And I mean that in the best way.

Like,

Have true self-esteem,

But be humbled to learn,

Because,

You know,

With that fight with Abraham,

I had no idea.

That was just the very beginning of decades of the journey.

That was nothing.

I mean,

That was the big door,

But you know,

The mountain was way higher than that.

So,

What I was going to say about innocence,

A year or so before,

Maybe two years,

I was trying to heal from this mental breakdown stuff in my family of origin,

And this psychic said,

It was a high-level psychic,

Said I should show my rage to my dad and show him my soul.

Both,

Not just one,

Both.

So,

I think I told you,

I went to see my dad and I tried to shout at him and everything.

I was trying to do it,

You know.

Before that,

He's like,

What the hell's going on with my daughter?

But it was my innocence.

It was,

I so wanted my freedom.

I was so willing to make a fool of myself.

I didn't care about anything else other than getting my freedom from this morass of emotional distress that I felt and I saw all around me.

And indeed,

Okay,

And this is why,

You guys,

You don't have to manage your journey because within a year or so,

The universe brought me to Abraham to go through exactly that,

Where he's like a father figure.

I show him my soul.

I show the rage and I show him my soul,

Both.

So,

I have no rules for you guys for how you are with me.

I mean,

Sure,

I mean,

Put your,

Speak respectfully,

But I get the whole thing,

How difficult it is to trust a teacher,

To follow it,

To all of it,

To clear this early wounding,

To allow these kind of operations,

To let me actually do them.

I get it.

I've said before that my family,

My two brothers became engineers,

And I've often felt like I bring that kind of engineer,

How does this work to the spiritual journey?

It's very results-oriented,

And it's very what I found works and right to the point.

You guys,

None of you are wrong.

There's no error.

All is well.

I'm just spelling it out.

I'm just spelling it out because this one is going higher.

We're all,

You know,

Dieron was talking about,

She was going up very quickly.

We're all,

That is available to all of us at this time.

We can go up very,

Very quickly.

Right.

Right.

That's good.

Okay,

You get that.

You see,

You accepted that.

Half of what working with you is to give you a logical,

To pack things in logic so that you'll accept it.

But this is what we're like.

It's not wrong.

It's good.

But you get that we're at this tipping point.

So,

It is possible to just move through lifetimes.

Okay,

This is good.

I'm seeing this dishrag thing is gone,

And there's a lot more light coming now.

You know,

Amma,

When I saw her this summer,

It's,

You know,

The thing she normally does in the program,

You know,

Where she'll take us through a meditation,

And she interrupted what she normally does and stopped it because she said we were getting too tense.

Some of you might remember that.

Any teacher is always working with how the students or devotees are receiving the information,

And she or he will alter what they say as a result of this.

I was thinking to myself,

Yeah,

Like,

You know,

It's like the comedy of it,

Like,

Because it's hard not to be tense when Swami had just said,

Well,

Everything might come to an end soon.

Yeah,

People were tense,

But again,

It was like Amma's compassion where she,

You know,

It was like the meditation wasn't being useful at that point because at least this is how I read what she did because of the level of tension,

And it was almost as if her interrupting the usual structure broke the tension,

You see.

Teachers are always going to respond to how you guys are feeling,

And teachers will have,

Like,

I'm not including Amma in this,

But the normal teacher will have like two or three percent of their ego left,

You know,

Like to stay on the Earth plane.

So,

But just,

You know,

There's a level that it's all approximate on the Earth plane because there's a physical body to everything.

So,

It's in the physical.

So,

It's a little less precise than if we were totally disembodied.

It's like why some channels will say that don't take your life because it's harder to work through things without a body.

Having a body in the physical makes it easier.

Yeah,

To work through this material.

It's so interesting.

It's like the wealth of what's going on here,

You know,

The great mystery of it all.

I don't want to chastise you.

I feel a little bit like you feel like you've been chastised.

It's just with a couple of people just recently,

I hit kind of the wall of,

Oh God,

The self-importance,

And I just,

You know,

Just hoping that that will become less.

So,

The love gets through to you,

And we can flow and accelerate,

Right?

You know,

You see,

You know,

This is coming through me.

So,

I feel like,

Oh,

I'm giving you guys a hard time,

But it's coming through.

So,

I'm genuflecting to this.

Alma talks about how,

You know,

She mourns teachers,

You know.

Some students just want attention,

You know,

And I must say my earlier years teaching,

I would,

You know,

I would think to myself,

Oh,

The person just doesn't understand,

But they did.

They just didn't want to tell me they understood.

They just wanted me to keep giving them a lot of attention.

Yeah.

It's very human,

You see,

This stuff.

It's sort of like abused kids.

It's like abused children will take love wherever they can find it.

They're so desperate for it.

They hold on to it.

It's like,

Oh,

But you guys are love,

And your freedom is to fall back into your hearts,

Guys,

To fall back into your hearts more and more.

You're it,

Yeah.

You're everything that you want,

Everything you have ever looked for.

It's you.

It's your you-ness.

Muktananda says the answer is you.

You know,

Get this,

What I'm going to say.

We look out at life,

Right?

And we were talking yesterday,

And I said,

You know,

To these two dear ones,

You don't have to,

Lots of us,

We look at life like it's a meter away from us,

And we're making it,

We're doing it,

We're doing it,

Controlling it.

But our lives are us.

They're our deep heart.

So,

When you start turning your eyes away from the outside and turn them in,

Really,

I once had a physical experience of making that turn,

Where I made a hundred-degree turn into my heart,

And I went,

Oh,

This is what they're talking about.

Because when I took a hundred-degree turn into my heart,

My life became much more spacious.

I was far more non-reactive.

I saw my own part in things.

You know,

I could see my own shadow side or darkness more easily.

Now,

You guys,

Again,

This is not to be rushed.

This is a stage on the journey.

You can't force it,

But you can think about it.

Think about doing it,

And maybe at this extreme time,

We're all going to do this.

Remember,

Our journeys are done by something beyond us.

You get brought to surrenders.

I got brought to that thing with Abraham.

I couldn't have even made that up.

You know,

When I was growing up,

We had silver serving,

Elaborate dinners every night.

Silver.

For me to be standing with no clothes,

Covered in mud in front of a Hawaiian kahuna,

Slugging him was right out of anything that could have been forecast for my life,

You see.

Something beyond me brought me to it.

Something beyond you has brought you to this one.

Something beyond me has brought me to you.

You know,

When the student's ready,

The teacher appears,

But it's like when the teacher's ready,

The student appears as well.

It goes both ways,

You guys.

Goes both ways.

Yeah.

Great.

So,

I just want to send special love to some of you.

Omichi,

I want to send special love to you,

Sweet one.

I don't know why.

Guys,

I'm sure you all go like,

Well,

Me too.

I need it too,

And I get it.

You all do.

There's just this special thing for Michi today.

Yeah,

But all of you got it too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's it.

Love heals,

You guys.

Just love heals.

The thing,

You know,

When I talk about the level of innocence,

When I look back,

That was really key to my journey.

The other thing that's connected to the innocence was a level of honesty.

You guys,

The honesty,

Being willing to be honest with yourselves at least,

But really,

I think the best is just to go forward and just be honest with everybody about everything,

You know.

You don't have to speak necessarily,

But you can't be in truth if you're,

You know.

Actually,

I don't think you can be in truth unless you become like Aboriginal-level truth.

That's it.

And you can do it in your lives.

I've done it.

You can do it.

You might put things tactfully.

You might put things compassionately.

You might not talk all the time.

Hey,

I gotta tell you something.

It's a concept.

It will not make sense to your,

I mean,

You may be able to grasp this.

You know,

The reason a teacher can teach is because they realize that everything is one.

They see the truth that everything is one.

And that's why they can work with students,

Because they can see where the student is in the journey.

And beyond that,

You guys,

Beyond that,

Even the collective will go through everything that the teacher went through on the journey.

The whole collective will follow.

And this is a really subtle point,

But it's because we're all in our own dreams.

So,

We have come together.

So,

For me,

You are all aspects of my soul.

And for you,

I'm like an aspect of your soul talking to you.

And when a person wakes up in the dream,

The whole collective will follow all the steps that person went through.

Not only the collective,

But the individuals.

Yeah.

It's like this is the Eastern traditions where they are so clear about the structure of the journey.

And we have these five sheaths.

When you're clearing these sheaths on the way to enlightenment,

It's very,

Very uncomfortable.

Let me tell you.

These sheaths don't go easily.

It's very,

Very uncomfortable.

It's just that when you're through clearing a sheath,

Life is so much more wonderful and fuller and richer.

And there's a level that the ego has to step down from its self-importance to become humble enough to learn.

So,

Maybe that's part of what this is.

It's kind of stepping down from the norm,

Getting humble enough to realize that there's a lot to learn.

And yeah.

Right.

And some of you are feeling some love.

This is really good.

I'm really wanting this.

Right.

I'm wanting you to feel the love underneath everything I've said.

Actually,

Everything I said came from love,

But that's it.

That's it.

I'm feeling this.

Like,

I'm feeling grace coming to you.

That's what I'm feeling.

It's like grace,

This beautiful,

Beautiful grace.

And the infinite understanding with how difficult the journey is and how weird it is to be alive right now.

Trust the grace.

Trust the grace of the grace of the grace of the grace of the grace of the grace of the grace of the grace of the grace of the grace to be alive right now.

Trust the grace.

The grace is always there.

You guys really,

You know,

Your own soul's always sending you grace.

And then any teacher is sending you grace.

And just spending time like this,

Where we get together with the roots of our being,

It's a deep fertilization.

Remember,

You know,

We go along and we get stuck and then we make enormous jumps.

Yeah.

Some of you are just tired.

You know,

We really are going to wake up from all of this and go,

Wow,

What was that?

It's all going to have a very happy ending.

Truly.

And you're using your time here very well.

I noticed there was like only Amma's channel,

Like 141,

000 or something.

This is for Amma.

I'm like,

Some people have millions of followers,

Right?

Amma's 141,

000.

It's like,

Oh my god.

Oh dear.

Humanity.

Yeah.

But we're there.

We're with her.

Her love,

You guys,

Her love is just.

.

.

You know,

Her love is invincible.

We might feel it easier to think of Amma as her life,

Her love is invincible.

But your souls are invincible too.

Please,

Please,

Please,

Please understand this.

Please,

Please,

Your own soul,

It's invincible.

If you've opened,

It's going to get through to you.

It gives you dreams.

It will give you experiences.

Good.

There's a feeling of kind of getting a firm hold on that.

Good.

Even if you guys,

When I put the words,

Even if you don't feel that you're getting a firm hold on it,

There's a lot of a lot of activity underneath that I'm feeling.

Right?

It's this feeling of getting a firm hold.

It's like you're getting that you're deeply loved even if there's some self-importance.

It's like,

Meh,

You know,

Not a biggie,

Meh.

You know,

Don't worry about this stuff too much.

Get that you're really loved.

Your soul gets it.

Your soul really gets it.

Your soul really knows why you're here,

What you came to do.

It was the thing I got a message,

You know,

My experience,

The soul will speak through my body,

Through a feeling,

And also through words,

But the words aren't coming to my head.

They don't have anything to do with my head,

But there will be words attached.

It's like a soul message,

And lots of times there's a feeling of that I'm getting bigger as this comes in.

Man,

I got one a couple of days ago.

It was something like,

You know,

You're here to do this.

It was something like,

Something like that.

Like our souls are best cheerleader and supporter.

And,

You know,

When you guys let me do surgery on you,

Then you can hear your soul more.

Really,

That's the whole point.

There's no rush.

I can't force it.

It's like with my dad,

Like I trying to follow the channel didn't work.

I couldn't do it like that.

It was like,

Okay,

That's a very good example of the ego and linear mind grabbing something and doing it.

You know,

But when that didn't work,

And then indeed,

I just let it happen with Abraham.

It just happened.

Okay,

Really get that,

You guys,

Because a lot of you try to implement things with your ego at the level that I was trying to get clear with my dad.

It's not solvable there.

You have to listen to your soul and follow.

And your soul will bring you through these initiations.

Yeah.

You guys desperately need some softness.

So,

I mean,

In lots of ways,

I'm a very gentle woman.

And I'm just speaking truth,

But there's a level that you guys,

I feel like you need big gentle hugs and understanding.

It's all good.

And it's all illusion anyway.

You know,

It's just,

It's not real.

We're just doing our thing.

And we're like,

Not even real.

Just feels real.

It's like the far side approach to spirituality.

The whole thing is far side.

Yeah.

You know,

If as a result,

You guys,

The openness to learn.

And the other thing is sharing with other people,

You know,

Being kinder with workmates.

Kinder at your job,

Just being a little softer.

Today,

I went to the store and I passed some,

You know,

Brownies,

Selling cookies.

And there are all these parents and kids and everybody was looking stressed out.

And,

You know,

They're trying to sell these cookies and people are stressed right now.

And people were ignoring them and everything.

And,

You know,

I mean,

This is going to sound,

I'm not meaning like hurrah for Pramasutra.

I'm just saying like,

I had an extra 80 bucks.

So,

I bought the cookies for everybody.

Okay.

You can go off duty.

I'll buy all the cookies.

You can give them to the food bank and let's just,

You know,

It's like $80.

It's not going to break my budget,

But it made a difference to them,

Right?

They all,

All these,

The hugs and the kisses.

And it's like,

You'd think I'd saved them from drowning.

Yeah.

It's just the,

Just the expansiveness they were shocked by.

And the other thing,

Then I went and I'm walking along and I'm watching someone walk and I go,

You know,

Because I come to Germany so much and I go,

She's walking like a German person.

And I come alongside and I say,

Hi.

And I guess she feels the warmth of the German person and everything.

And she starts telling me that she's got this really sore back and she's 87.

She looks much younger,

But she got this really sore back and she just paid $60 for acupuncture and it didn't help.

So,

I go like,

Well,

Just sit down.

I'll help you.

So,

She and I,

And it's like,

It was just so sweet.

You know,

This,

What a sweet afternoon for Prema Sudha to buy the cookies to help.

Do you know what I mean?

It was like,

I was like,

God's in his heaven.

All is right with the world.

It's like,

What a great way to live.

Do you know?

So,

Anything that you can do,

Like,

You know,

Don't,

I mean,

At first,

You know,

When I offered to buy all the cookies,

They were kind of fopping me off a bit.

They didn't know what to do with the kindness.

But I just kept going and then they got really happy.

Or maybe they thought I was just joking with them or something.

I don't know.

Anyway,

Just,

You know,

Let yourself be a little crazy in a kind way.

And some of you are already like this.

Like,

I really,

I bow down to Alicia,

I have to say,

Sweetie,

For your kindness.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Some of you are just,

And more than Alicia.

I'm just,

Some of you,

I'm getting the guidance to single you out.

So,

I'm just following.

Okay.

I love you all.

There's no favorite.

Good.

It is better to be innocent and make a fool of yourself than to be too self-protective.

And this always,

This kind of behavior comes under the heading for me of walking my talk,

You know.

It's just putting it in practice.

And it feels so good.

And also,

Remember,

This one has a lot of time.

Okay.

So,

A lot of you are really busy.

So,

You don't have the freedom to just go to the supermarket and have these encounters with people.

Okay.

Any questions or comments,

Please?

Can I ask a question?

Yeah,

Please.

Is this Scott?

Yeah.

Okay.

Just checking.

Yeah.

Scott.

Yeah.

Thank you so much.

I just,

In 2005,

I saw a teacher in Vancouver,

British Columbia.

Was that you,

By chance,

Teaching in your house?

The lady's son was in the room also.

It was a small group,

Maybe three or four of us.

I don't know that my son would have been in the group.

Was he part of the group?

Like,

On an ongoing basis?

Well,

I just came there once,

And it was like a brick house,

If I remember correctly.

I think we were in the,

As soon as you walked in the door,

We were in the room where we met.

Probably not,

You know.

I haven't had a brick house.

Okay.

Yeah.

Does the work sound,

Feel the same?

No,

I just remembered I really liked her.

I can't remember.

I can't remember if the words were similar,

But,

And I can't remember for certain what kind of house it was,

But I think there were some stairs up to the front door a little bit,

But I just remembered I really liked her.

I just remembered I really liked her,

And then she,

You know,

Wasn't,

Seemed to be maybe different than some of the other teachers I was seeing.

But it doesn't matter.

Yeah.

I just,

You know,

I just,

I guess I just want to say,

You know,

I'm very guarded and,

You know,

You know,

Scared of anything like,

You know,

People tell me what to do.

I'm just,

I've got more excuses than ever,

Like,

You know,

In my mind tells me that,

You know,

It's practical because,

You know,

The way I am lately,

But I just feel like,

You know,

What you were saying at the beginning,

I just had all this anxiety and was,

You know,

Just,

I'm not kidding.

I was tempted to interrupt,

You know,

Just jump in and interrupt you and say,

I'm ready for surgery.

Yeah,

You could,

You know,

You could do that.

Oh,

That's so sweet.

Oh,

That's so adorable.

Go ahead and laugh off my head.

This is a rare moment.

You can laugh off my head,

But,

You know,

Of course,

There's,

You know,

A kind word would be welcome to while you're doing.

Oh,

You're so sweet.

Yeah,

This is so good.

I'm so glad you've come forward.

Just,

Just with this,

You know,

With feeling the anxiety and still coming forward like this is so sweet,

Like that's so innocent.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's really just feels for you to receive,

You know,

Like,

To receive,

To let yourself be validated.

Okay.

It's,

You have a very innocent heart.

You do.

Yeah,

You do.

Yeah.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Blessings.

Blessings.

Right.

Blessings.

I can feel this huge flow of love to you.

I can feel how much you've needed it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Need it.

Right.

Yeah.

Love's so invisible.

And sometimes it's even hard to feel for us.

I mean,

We're,

We're in love.

Like,

We're walking around in love.

Everything's love,

But we,

We might feel very separate.

But the separation,

When the separation shrinks a bit,

Then we feel the love more.

And our bodies make physiological changes so that we start feeling the love more.

Right.

It's very beautiful.

It's very beautiful.

How are you feeling,

Scott?

How do you feel about what I'm saying?

I don't,

There's no resistance.

You know,

I,

Some tears flowed,

Which is,

You know,

Usually,

You know,

For many years has been my favorite thing.

You know,

It felt like,

You know,

Somebody,

A teacher said years ago,

Once to the group,

Can you see that who you are is so innocent?

It seemed like it really caught my attention.

I don't know if I can claim something in yourself.

And it did seem to be quite welcome because so,

You know,

Some teachings I've glanced at,

Or maybe a little more than a glance,

You know,

Were kind of more like making myself wrong.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

And I just,

I think this self-importance,

You know,

Story that appears with me regularly is,

Is,

Is just like a defense.

You know,

It's like,

It's like,

When I sense somebody's trying to steer me in some direction or get me right by making me wrong,

I just,

You know,

I,

My mind will go into,

You know,

I miss this and that.

And I've been with these teachers and,

You know,

I can miss discipline and,

You know,

How dare you?

Right,

Right.

Yeah.

It's just,

I'm just trying,

It's a strategy to avoid hurt,

It seems like,

You know,

Everything.

I don't even know if I've done anything spiritual.

It's just been one big strategy to avoid hurt.

I love it.

I just love it.

I think you're speaking for a lot of people in this group.

I,

Yeah.

Scott,

One of the things I,

I learned is I only really benefited from Abraham and Olga Worrall and Amma.

Do you know the people,

There were people that I tried to work with and I didn't trust them enough?

Or I,

I often felt they weren't wise enough to work with me.

You know,

It was a feeling of,

Oh,

You don't really get me.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Yeah,

I do.

Yeah,

I think you do.

I don't know if I've ever done anything,

You know,

I,

You know,

It's,

It's,

I just know there's no resistance coming.

Now,

Is,

Is,

Is this,

Because Abraham left the planet,

Correct?

Yeah,

He's left the planet,

Yeah.

What now,

Is this lady Esther Hicks,

Is,

Is she teach,

What he taught,

Is she,

Her,

Was she?

Oh,

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

No,

No,

Abraham was a Hawaiian kahuna.

Yeah.

I don't want to,

I don't want to go up to that level.

I want you,

You,

You,

I want you to stay in your heart,

Man.

But,

You know,

I think maybe we're.

.

.

I think I've only been in my heart like three,

For three brief moments,

And the last time was 20 years ago.

But what I felt something,

I think that's the experience where I felt something in my chest.

I don't know what it was.

Yeah.

I,

I,

You did very good work.

This really helped the group.

It is a level of innocence that I was wanting to reach in everyone.

Good work,

Scott.

And I feel like,

Yeah,

Really good work.

And that exactly,

That's innocence in action.

Just this.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

I love you.

I love.

.

.

Pardon?

Pardon?

I love this.

I love,

I love to cry.

This is really good.

This is,

Yeah,

You're letting love in.

This is good,

And it's helping the whole group.

Okay.

It's really,

Really good.

It's really good.

Thank you,

Scott.

Remember,

We're just.

.

.

Aww,

Sweetie.

Aww.

Yeah.

This is my dream,

To help people at this level.

Yeah.

Aww,

Scott.

Aww.

Aww.

Yep.

Yep.

Yeah,

The broken,

Our broken hearts.

Yeah.

Yep.

Yep.

Aww.

Yeah,

We got a broken-hearted world at the moment,

You guys,

And we all got broken hearts.

And it's whether we've got the courage to let the love in.

And it's not,

It's just done.

It just happens.

Well,

My hat off,

Scott.

Thank you for speaking.

I'm really moved.

Thank you so much.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm moved by the level that we could.

.

.

We've all got broken hearts,

You guys.

And love heals.

Yeah.

And the spiritual,

Self-realized person has just woken up to realize that everything's love.