Learning How To Transcend Fear Very Gently

Hello,

Everyone.

It's so wonderful to see you.

Bless your dear hearts.

Yeah,

Thank you.

Thank you for coming.

Thank you for bringing your soft,

Gentle,

I want to say,

You know,

Invincible but also easily hurt hearts,

You know,

Our sensitive hearts.

Thank you for bringing that full spectrum in your presence because you're just bringing it.

You know,

Part of the reason why I stumble for words is because my experience is a lot of what I'm saying is actually hard to put words to.

So I just endlessly going,

Um,

Um,

Um.

But either this will change in the future,

Or I was thinking maybe it just gives us all the time to just be with our experience as we listen,

You know,

And also just bringing out the humanity of this process.

Like,

It's deeply,

Deeply human.

I mean,

We're these invincible souls,

These immortal souls,

But we're also very,

Very human.

Yeah.

And it's the full embrace of our humanity that brings us into truth.

Okay,

So today is going to be a very deep satsang.

Now,

You know,

It took me decades to comprehend what I'm going to be speaking about.

So my feeling is,

You will feel perhaps touched by the material,

Many of you,

And it will help just hearing it.

But don't expect an intellectual comprehension,

A full intellectual comprehension.

Please don't even try to do that.

Because the comprehension when it comes is going to come from your heart.

The spiritual journey,

Our comprehension comes from our hearts,

You guys.

And this is where we can get very mixed up because we've been trained so much in to lodge in our heads.

Okay,

So often,

When I'm speaking to people,

I can feel it in them.

And I also would feel it in myself.

You know,

When I look back at my experience of life,

And I just want to sort of draw a picture of what our human experience and human psychology looks like.

And just hearing this will tend to bring more light into your psyches and into your,

I want to say your intelligence,

Not funny.

I mean,

Your soul is your intelligence,

But it's,

It's as if it's going to help you become more intelligent with the way you process your experience.

Yeah.

Okay.

So,

You know,

Most of us may be are aware of our core wounding,

You know,

When life has to send a hardball,

And we're thrown back on this suddenly enormous pain or confusion.

Okay,

And we're experiencing our core wounding.

So,

Think of it like,

Like,

You know,

If you have a blister,

And you pop the top of the blister,

And then underneath,

It's this kind of red,

Hot,

Pink thing that if you touch,

It just hurts so much.

Okay,

Now think of that level of wounding,

And then think of a boulder put on top of it.

Okay.

Okay.

So,

This boulder takes us away from feeling the core wounding,

We can kind of walk around this boulder in our experience of life,

And we might feel really stony.

Okay,

If a woman feels stony,

She's hit this boulder.

Yeah,

It's like that.

And it's sort of like,

Don't go near there.

We're not talking about it.

I'm not dealing with this.

It's like if a woman's really overwhelmed,

And she's going to school,

Or she has children at school,

And maybe they're having trouble,

And maybe she's working,

I don't know,

10 hours at a really high-paced job.

She just can't deal with it.

She'll just go sort of stony over the whole problem,

Rather than be able to bring her heart to her children.

Okay,

It's one of the ways that women really protect themselves.

But this kind of boulder sitting over our wounding is kind of classic for everybody.

Okay.

So,

Our experience on the spiritual journey might be sort of wandering around going,

Well,

Where is my truth?

What is truth?

I feel kind of a little bit disconnected,

And kind of that life seems kind of gray,

And not much happening,

Not very fulfilling.

And often,

You know,

We'll start pointing the finger at other people who are blocking our spiritual progress,

You know,

Or whatever.

We'll just point the finger at other people.

It's just like,

This is what we're like,

You know,

Until we wake up to what we're doing.

Okay,

Now,

So,

The person that totally manages to get under the boulder,

Or get the boulder off,

And just go into that wounding directly,

And feel every single aspect of it,

Becomes the self-realized person.

Do you see?

They feel out every resistance,

Every block,

Every misunderstanding,

And they unite with their soul.

This is actually how we get to our souls.

We feel this pain.

And if you turn to God,

You'll be brought into truth.

And if you don't turn to God,

And you blame yourself,

Or blame others,

Then you're just stuck in this loop.

Because you can't get beyond your ego,

Unless you're steering that way.

Unless you're turning your attention to something beyond you.

Yeah,

Unless you're looking for meaning.

So,

You might,

You know,

Feel like you've just been hit by a car emotionally.

And if you look for meaning in it,

If you go,

Okay,

This is happening to help me,

What can happen is the wounding underneath the boulder gets reduced,

The boulder shrinks,

And you feel more connected up to all of life.

Now,

This is,

You know,

It's kind of really high level knowledge in one level,

But on another level,

We all feel this,

We,

We all know what I'm talking about,

On some level,

You'll know what I'm talking about.

And I'm going to talk about what stops us from going into this pain,

And feeling it fully,

And becoming self-realized.

Okay,

So there,

It's basically fear of our egos that stops us.

And the fear has,

The fear will take the form,

It'll have,

It's possible seven forms of fear.

And sometimes we will have one of them,

And sometimes we'll have two of them.

And if we look at our experience,

We can see how the fear plays.

And when we see how the fear plays,

We can take a photograph,

You can't fight it,

But you can take a photograph of it,

And feel the sorrow of how much it distorts your experience.

Now,

You know,

I feel like this,

This satsang needs to have a star for that you could come and listen to it maybe several times.

And even in the future,

You know,

A year later,

Because a year later from today,

You will have a bigger understanding of what I'm talking about.

Uh-huh.

Yeah,

I can feel that.

Okay,

So I'm going to talk about one of them,

Is one of the ways that our fear can function is,

It's called self-destruction,

But it's not,

It's not like suicidal.

It's more like trying to force your way through walls to get to God.

So the example I was talking about when I went to Mira,

And I was just determined to clear these knots in my crown chakra,

And I just stood in front of her going,

I'm clearing this,

That,

And then of course,

It made it worse.

That was an example of this fear as a form of self-destruction,

Fear as trying to force your way through walls.

Okay,

You see,

It's quite subtle.

The real high knowledge is so subtle.

Mm-hmm.

Okay,

So there's another form of fear,

Which is stubbornness,

Which is just fear of change.

Okay,

This is a common one.

And the funny thing about the fear of change,

Stubbornness,

Is that it can morph into the other six variations of fear.

So for example,

I was carrying a fear of change,

And it morphed into that trying to get through,

Force my way through walls with Mira.

It morphed into self-destruction,

But really,

It was a fear of change.

Do you see?

So I go to all the effort to go to Germany and see Mira,

And because I'm forcing of it,

I basically make no progress.

So that is like fear of change.

So it's like a lot of effort and then staying in one place.

Or sometimes if somebody suddenly buys a house or something,

They can feel very stressed for even a month over the change,

That now they're owning a house.

It can be like that.

The fear of change can even be our trouble being able to imagine ourselves being happy.

It can get a grip on our imagination and stop us from even being able to visualize something.

Do you see?

It's so subtle.

I'm just going to be with you a bit.

This is a lot of information,

And it may be making some of you uncomfortable,

But there's a light in you.

There's the creator in you.

There's your inner Alma who just wants to dance this life,

Dance and express herself.

Remember,

All this knowledge comes very,

Very,

Very gradually,

Organically,

And in a very human way.

You cannot figure this out with your linear mind.

You can let the Alma within you show you,

And please just be patient with it.

Because as my example,

If we force anything,

We just get ourselves in trouble.

It's sort of like the best way is to observe your experience and at the same time,

Keep your focus on the divine.

Keep your focus on wanting to move into truth,

Wanting to come from your true nature.

It's like you're beloved.

It's like being madly in love with somebody and trying to please them.

It's the same when you think about them all the time.

It's the same thing that happens as we awaken and we start to focus more and more on who we were born to be,

On our true nature,

Not just our personality,

This life.

Yeah,

That's it.

I knew this might be quite overwhelming in a way,

But remember our journey is done by something beyond us.

You're not doing it.

You're being brought to it.

It's really important to remember you are being brought to it.

You could have the fear of change.

You could have somebody signing up for some school program,

And they might feel like that they'd never done very well and like an underperformer,

Even if they were highly intelligent.

But if they were running that,

They would do their reports.

They'd get them in late.

They would do a sloppy job.

They would do the stuff that keeps the same old thing happening over and over.

It's to be able to see if you're doing that,

Because the fear of change is very common.

You just feel the sorrow of it.

And the boulder will get smaller,

And your wounding won't be so painful anymore.

You know,

Amma talks that says that within,

And I heard her say this,

That our culture is creating people who it's like our wounding's like a red-hot blister,

You know,

And there's this resistance to go anywhere near it because the pain's so strong.

But then,

Of course,

You know,

If we're building personalities and resistance to facing to our true nature,

The pain will get stronger and stronger.

Yeah.

My goal,

My sole intent with speaking all this is that your fear is that you see how your fear functions and that you're less enslaved by it.

Just organically,

Just hearing it,

Just receiving the transmission of unconditional love that comes with the satsangs.

Okay,

So there's another common one in our culture,

And it's fear of lack,

Greed,

But fear of lack.

So,

You know,

We might,

You could imagine that somebody's,

You know,

Think of a boulder and the wounding and everything,

And maybe somebody's offered a job that would really suit their true nature,

But doesn't pay very well,

So they don't take it.

Because if they took the job,

What would happen is their fear of lack would come up really strongly and rattle chains.

And that's what our fear does.

It will say,

You just stay within this confine.

Don't you even think about becoming free?

And it will try to get us under its thumb again.

And,

You know,

This is where all we can do is observe.

Observe.

So,

If we don't say take the job,

We might get a burn afterwards because our soul wanted us to take that job,

You see.

And we might be rattled and then feel the sorrow.

If we were like a sincere student,

We would feel the sorrow of that we hadn't been able to take the job,

And then next time we might make another choice,

You see,

And dare to follow the fulfillment rather than follow the money.

Yeah,

This is a big one in our culture.

Lots of people don't even know that there's a choice other than just following the money.

There are even people on the spiritual path who focus on their teaching through what is going to bring the money.

Yeah,

Yeah.

So,

The fear of lack.

So,

None of this is bad.

It's just what happened.

We take on these fears between zero and six.

We will pick up our form of our fear between zero and six,

And it will show up in early adulthood.

That's when we'll feel it.

And that's why,

You know,

Lots of us are so happy to grow up.

But then when we grow up and we have to earn our living,

We kind of have this,

Oh,

This isn't so much fun.

And it's because our fear is hitting us.

We're realizing how entrapped by our fear we are,

That we're not free to just have the life of our dreams,

That we're laboring under something that's very hard to put words to or get out of,

Right?

Just hearing this is going to help.

Remember,

There's nothing to be done apart from just allowing your awareness to grow.

Things get solved in a larger awareness.

It's like,

You know,

You learn to not touch the stovetop as a little kid.

And the same thing happens with learning to navigate through life.

We learn not to make,

We grow out of the mistakes.

We learn to make different choices.

You know,

There's that famous,

It's kind of like a poem about the person who walks down the road,

And they fall into a black hole.

And then,

You know,

They come out again,

And then they come down the road again.

And they register this,

This hole,

But they fall into it anyway,

Get themselves out.

And then the third time they walk down the road,

They see the hole,

And they walk around it.

It's like that.

Yeah.

Can you all come to your hearts?

There's some of you are losing focus.

Come,

Come back to your hearts,

Please.

It's very beautiful.

Yeah,

Come back to your hearts.

Come back to your bodies.

There is,

Again,

You know,

It's I can feel that all your souls are wanting you to see your own beauty more.

It's nothing you have to do.

Just listen.

Just listen.

Yeah.

That's it.

See,

This is the thing we're so terrified of,

Is our own beauty.

It's what we're brought to as we grow beyond our fears.

Like,

I feel like I'm pushing you in a way by even talking about this material,

Because really,

It is a really seasoned seeker who could actually use this consciously.

But,

You know,

Maybe in a year,

You could,

Or maybe you can right now.

The key to whether somebody makes real progress on the journey or not is how they deal with their fear.

See,

It is totally possible to turn up for meditation and sing bhajans and everything,

And never,

Ever deal with this level of fear,

You see.

And it's okay.

Like,

If that's just the life plan,

It's okay.

But I just want you to know that there is a way right through to self-realization.

And you can get skilled at it in the sense of,

You know,

It's not pleasant,

But you can walk around in fear for five days and even not sleep very well in that time.

And finally,

Your body will just get exhausted and fearless.

Like,

Fear has no power.

It's just smoke and mirrors.

But it makes us feel so uncomfortable that we kind of don't want to deal.

But it's nothing.

Yeah,

Good.

Okay,

You're getting that.

It is nothing.

But you might feel that it's something,

And you might feel really,

Really uncomfortable for a few days.

And the other thing is,

What makes the journey so difficult in some ways is it's so ambiguous.

Remember,

I was talking about the person who had a fear of lack and didn't take the meaningful job.

Well,

It's totally possible to be offered a job and think that it's going to be meaningful and take the job.

And it's not working out well.

You see,

This is why the only safety is you just keep turning to the Creator,

And you will always be shown.

You will always be shown.

But it takes a lot of discernment to feel into your path,

You know.

And even if,

You know,

You take a job that you think is going to be meaningful,

And you put money concerns on the burner,

And it doesn't work out,

The universe will give you,

The next step will be something that will be a slam dunk,

You know.

It'll be,

You know,

You take the job,

It doesn't work out,

You're thrown back,

You're going,

Oh,

God doesn't really exist.

There's no,

I'm,

Where's God?

It's just a random universe.

But if you keep focusing on the Creator anyway,

Observing the distress come up,

Focus on the Creator,

You will be brought to like a slam dunk of a step.

You are always,

Always safe.

And no error is really an error.

And no error is permanent.

If you get lost on the journey,

You,

You know,

It's like,

You get nowhere,

You're nowhere.

It's like you stay with it,

You focus on Amma,

The Creator,

Mira,

Buddha,

And it becomes nowhere becomes now here.

Okay,

It's the same spelling,

Nowhere,

And now here,

Or here now,

You see,

It's almost like a Chinese puzzle with the with the way it works.

Nowhere turns into now here,

Or here now.

Right.

That's it.

You're all more here now.

As your journey progresses,

You will become more and more present.

So one of the intents of the satsang is to love you into becoming more present.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Because you're all beloved,

You know?

Yeah.

Beloved to mine,

And beloved of your soul.

That's it.

Okay.

So there's other,

There's another there's another form of fear,

And it's,

It's called arrogance,

But it's actually fear of vulnerability.

So it does that,

You know,

People do act arrogant,

Out of that fear of vulnerability,

But it,

It is subtler than that,

You know,

Say,

When I'm speaking to somebody,

Trying to help them,

What I will feel is,

Where they can't be completely honest and transparent with me,

That there's a withhold,

And it will be that they,

They don't feel they can be really,

Really vulnerable with me or with even with themselves.

Yeah.

And again,

Sometimes it's warranted,

Sometimes we shouldn't be vulnerable with people.

But then sometimes we're just staying in our fear,

And not letting ourselves be helped,

You know?

It's why I emphasize,

Like,

Tell the truth as much as possible,

Because that will clear your fear of vulnerability,

You'll start seeing that truth is really safe.

It's kind of really,

You know,

The only safe place,

I mean,

Because truth is a creator.

That's why truth always surfaces finally,

Because it,

It,

It's God.

Yeah.

So,

You know,

Again,

With fear,

It is what makes us play games with the teacher,

And the teacher will like,

She'll bring out her scalpel with it.

But we might not even think we're playing games.

But I remember with Amma,

You know,

I was sitting in front of her,

And I was getting like,

I'd sat for an hour,

And I was getting restless.

And so I started to get up,

And she looked at me and gave me this severe look,

Sit down again.

So sat down again,

And I got,

I registered what I was actually running from,

I was,

I registered why I had wanted to get up to avoid,

Do you see,

It's like I shifted into a deeper level of truth,

That my restlessness had been covering up.

Right.

So thank blessings to Amma.

Right.

Right.

So when that's it,

Good,

You've gone very still.

So when I say like,

If I say like,

You guys are getting restlessness,

Restless,

Just wanting you to look,

Come back to yourselves and realize that maybe you're running from something.

Yeah,

That's beautiful.

It's beautiful.

Oh,

There's this tremendous stillness.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you,

Amma.

That's it.

This is the stillness.

This piece is what we're running from.

Right.

And it's,

It's even a,

You know,

It's actually a healing of the wounding I'm talking about that you can be here now.

There'll be a little amount of that wounding that was still through the words or through the transmission.

That's it.

Okay.

So another one is martyrdom.

Martyrdom is the underlying fear is that we're worthless.

Okay.

And it's one that women get,

Can get.

I don't know so much now.

In the past,

Certainly they would get,

You think of the,

The slave who just works so hard and doesn't value themselves,

Sort of martyrdom.

It's kind of the thought that,

Okay,

My needs will get met eventually,

Or all I need to do is wait a bit and I'll get what I want.

But it doesn't work that way.

You just wait and wait and wait.

You never get it.

Now,

One of the things with martyrdom is one of the forms it can be take is in somatizing.

So having a lot of physical symptoms.

Okay.

And again,

Women can do this,

Particularly.

It's like the invalid.

And all this is not wrong.

It's just the way fear expresses.

So it sort of happens when we're caught in fear.

It's not the true reality of us.

But we might feel that it's the true reality of us to feel physically terrible all the time and have all kinds of troubles.

And you can have illness without your fear being in the form of martyrdom.

And this is,

It takes discernment.

Don't rush it.

Okay.

Another common one is impatience.

It's fear of missing the mark.

Man,

I used to have stubbornness and impatience.

So the stubbornness would be like,

It was endlessly push pull between fear of missing something and stubbornly holding on to my current understanding,

To my,

The way my life was.

It's sort of like driving with the brakes on,

Putting hard down on the gas and putting the brakes on.

And some of you will be doing that.

And it's a very uncomfortable push pull.

And then I would,

With the fear of missing something,

I would push too hard and miss the target.

Yeah.

And then I'd have to feel the sorrow of it.

And what would happen is the fear lifted through feeling the deep sorrow of yet again,

You know,

Missing the goal of enlightenment or whatever it was that I was.

And impatience,

You see it a lot in really successful men.

They're very impatient.

In fact,

In our culture,

It will be considered attractive as if it's like a sign of high status.

Yeah.

It's like the people who don't want to stand in line,

The people who demand,

Oh,

I want it right now,

Right now.

And they get pompous with it.

That's fear of impatience.

I mean,

That's fear of missing something.

And they'll be going like,

Okay,

I want a beautiful wife,

I want money,

And they'll get all this stuff,

But it won't bring them happiness.

Yeah.

There's self-deprecation,

I think is the last one.

There's,

Yeah,

I think that's the last one.

Self-deprecation,

People with this one are just,

They're humble in that miserable sinner way.

Like I'm not worth much.

It's a little bit like martyrdom,

That fear of worthlessness,

But it's more like being overly humble in not the best way.

You know,

There's the humbleness of a child who knows they don't know,

So they're open to learn.

But this is like,

Oh,

Well,

I'm,

I'm just,

I don't know.

I'm just not,

You know,

I belong to the not very good club.

So that's my,

I don't really expect to,

You know,

Get anywhere on the journey,

And I'm probably wrong.

Yeah,

And the self-deprecation won't build,

They won't stand for themselves,

And they'll trouble believing in themselves.

Yeah,

It's a tough one,

Because it seems so true.

All of these fears,

They all seem so true when they're coming up.

Yeah,

But they distort our experience.

And,

You know,

Like say the fear of missing something.

We can't miss out on anything in life,

Actually,

Because we're God.

So what could we possibly miss out on?

It's the biggest joke,

All these things,

Or stubbornly holding on to the picture of yourself as like,

I don't know,

Endlessly unenlightened,

When in fact you're God,

You're the creator.

You're already enlightened,

You guys.

You're already enlightened inside.

You're already enlightened.

It just needs to come up from underneath and flow up into your consciousness.

And I'm talking about,

With the fear that I'm talking about,

And learning how to witness it,

That can help your true nature flow up to the surface,

Because you're already enlightened.

That's what's so,

You know,

It's what's so ridiculous about spiritual teaching,

Because it's like pretending,

The teacher kind of pretends that you're not to help you out of it,

But then she knows you are,

And you're already there.

And actually,

I think that's probably what helps us grow,

Is the teacher's recognition of this.

It's sort of like being with a three-year-old knowing that they're an adult in embryo,

And treating them like an adult,

And treating them with full respect,

And that will bring the best progress of the child into becoming the person they're born to be.

That's it.

You all deserve respect.

Okay,

It feels really important that you get this bulletin,

That you deserve respect.

And it doesn't matter whether you,

You know,

Trip and fall,

Whether you're surrounded by fear,

Where you're feeling,

If you're feeling flawed,

And tired,

And that you never do anything right.

It's like,

That is such,

It's like nonsense.

Like it's,

It's like beside the point.

It's so beside the point.

Yeah.

Okay.

The respect,

Respect.

Yeah.

That's it.

You're thinking about receiving this,

Some of you.

It's like,

It's,

There's a lot of respect implicitly in what I'm saying to you,

Because it's very high-level knowledge,

But it can be woven into your understanding.

And you know,

What happens as you do it,

Like our lives are like a tapestry,

And we get these threads,

And threads repeat,

You know,

Patterns repeat,

Events repeat.

But what happens is,

As we move into truth,

The threads get replaced by golden threads.

So,

At the beginning of our journey,

We might just have a few golden threads through our tapestry,

But the more we progress,

The more golden threads we get.

They're woven in through our blood,

Sweat,

And tears.

They're woven into our lives.

That's it.

Until the whole tapestry,

You start seeing the whole thing's gold.

The self-respect.

Okay,

That's good.

You've got respect,

And it's like you all have permission to respect yourselves more deeply.

Okay.

May this echo,

Echo in your hearts and your heads.

You have permission to feel more self-respect.

Okay.

Right.

No matter what.

Remember,

I was talking last week about the English aristocracy,

Right?

It's like,

It's like,

We're all aristocrats,

Though.

We're all born,

We're almost there,

You guys.

Like,

I'm going to bumble a bit.

We're all born pure.

You're born true.

You're born immensely valuable.

You're born a gift to this world.

That's it.

That's it.

That's it.

That's it.

And along the way,

Maybe you got persuaded that your gift was like a dime store gift,

You know?

It's the opposite.

It's priceless.

Nobody else can give it.

Nobody else can give the gift that you came to give just by being here.

And really,

It's nothing you have to do in a way.

Just existing is enough.

Just breathing is enough.

Our culture is just screwball on the whole thing about doing and achieving.

We're just kind of nutty about it.

You be yourself,

And from that you will give.

If you're trying to do yourself,

It's not going to work well.

You know,

Premisuda is just,

I'm,

I just,

I am,

I be,

You know?

That's it.

That's it.

So,

Remember,

It's like observing your experience and steering towards truth,

Steering that you want to feel who you really are.

So,

This time,

Because I'm not going to have a focus group,

We can move into questions now and,

Or observations,

And we can go till 10 to 10,

My time.

And if,

You know,

Also please,

If you,

If you feel,

If you have to go before,

Just,

You know,

Say goodbye.

That's okay.

Don't have to stay.

But any questions or observations,

And remember,

Especially from somebody we haven't heard from before,

We kind of like,

You know,

Whisk it,

Show who you are.

When we have a question or volunteer an observation,

Lots of times we receive a gift back just by opening,

You know,

Just by having the courage to come forward.

Yeah.

And remember,

The answer is,

Is really a transmission of love,

And my words will be an approximation.

But the real answer is the love that's coming,

That will come to you,

And that's coming to you now.

And even with what I'm talking about with the boulder and everything,

It's an approximation of the truth.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Julie,

Is it you saying you wanted to speak?

I didn't know.

Does anybody want to?

Sorry.

Yeah,

I was just trying to get my phone to work.

Well,

You were talking about,

About the uncomfortable feelings and how we shove them down.

Well,

I,

I've noticed through my life,

I realize now looking back that I have shoved so many things down when they're uncomfortable.

And I'm realizing now that they never go away.

They're still there.

And they just been building up and building up.

And right now I'm trying to learn how to let them move through me.

And it's uncomfortable doing that.

It's scary.

And I just,

I'm,

I'm trying to figure out how to just sit with them.

And I have a hard time just being like you were saying,

We're always do,

Do,

Do.

Yeah.

Always needing to do things.

And I've been trying to learn to just sit and let those feelings come up in meditation and not shut them down.

But it's,

It's really a struggle.

I feel like there's so many of them.

I don't know how to slowly let them out and not be overwhelmed.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

I do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know,

Julia,

I'll tell you what I did is,

Is,

You know,

It just maybe don't even try to control them,

Sweetie.

Just if it's coming up,

Like overwhelmed,

Just be with the overwhelm.

Just walk around with it.

Like it will get less.

It's like trying to control anything at all.

You,

You will actually make it worse.

Don't,

Don't try to.

Yeah.

That's another thing I have a hard time with is control.

I,

I'm,

I'm letting go of control.

All you can do is observe it,

You know,

Because it will be fear that's,

Yeah.

But I can,

I can feel what you're talking about.

You're trouble.

I can feel like,

So I just want to,

And something's wanting to come to me and I just want to hear it.

Um,

Yeah.

Um,

Yeah,

It's kind of a feeling is if you don't have the language to receive the message.

Do you know what I mean?

It's like,

Yes,

That is exactly it.

I know.

Yes.

That's exactly it.

I know.

Yeah.

You know,

You,

I,

I so know what you're talking about and everybody here will too.

Okay.

So,

Okay.

So the language you don't know is the language of the heart.

And this is what this work teaches people is the language of the heart.

And the more you just plug in to just come week after week,

What will happen is you will be able to receive this material without the kind of resistance that you're feeling right now.

Okay.

It's like when you realize,

And I feel this is going to move for you soon.

It's going to change for you soon that,

That any resistance just makes things worse.

You'll just kind of give up.

You'll just like,

Even if you spend a day in bed going,

What was me?

What is my life about?

You know,

You will be brought to come out of your bed and go shopping or whatever.

Do you see what I mean?

Like,

I think that's what I did.

I just had no rules.

I just,

If it brought me down,

I was down in bed.

And if it brought me up,

Then it would bring me up to see.

Yeah.

I'm always thinking when I feel something coming up,

You know,

I,

Well,

I don't have time to deal with that right now.

Um,

I will later,

You know,

I'm always,

Always trying to put it off.

Like this isn't the right time for me to sit down and deal with it.

You know,

There never is the right time.

Yeah.

And it's like,

You think you have to deal with it,

But it's just really just feel it.

And you know,

Gone with the wind,

Right.

And Scarlett O'Hara and her comment was,

Well,

I'll think about it tomorrow.

Great.

Right.

It's like,

Yeah,

I'll give this my intent,

My full attention another time,

Because I just,

It's just a little too uncomfortable right now.

Yeah.

And yeah.

And no,

No.

In fact,

If you're really sincere,

You can do that.

And then when it comes again,

You'll find that you,

You are more willing to deal with it.

But if it's a game of like trying to fob off a child,

Yeah.

You see,

So this is how we are with our injured child.

We go,

Oh,

Go play outside,

Go away.

It's how we are with our children.

It's just,

It's how we are with ourselves.

It's how we are with mother nature.

Okay.

Julie,

It's really good.

We're just talking about it because you'll notice a difference with having brought this up.

You'll notice that you just don't do it so much.

And you have a heart of gold in there.

Yeah.

It's like,

You've got a heart of gold that you've just been very scared of your whole life,

Because you didn't know it was allowed.

Right.

And you know,

If you let that percolate,

And you know,

If the sorrow of that comes up,

You know,

The sorrow of living like that,

How we're taught to live,

That wounding under the boulder will get smaller,

The boulder will get smaller.

And exactly the games that you've been talking about is exactly what it's like when we've got a boulder sitting over our wounding that we don't want to go near.

So we kind of walk around.

Yeah.

But you could stay in the comfort zone.

Yeah.

But it's so unfulfilling,

Right?

It just yeah,

Walking around a bloody boulder.

Right.

So and our human relationships won't be as deep as we would wish.

Right.

Julie,

So I'm just like I'm speaking for your own soul that you have permission to feel this.

And may it be very easy to feel this level of sorrow.

When it comes.

You can cry for five minutes really intensely.

And it's over.

But just watch yourself like observe.

And I like,

I really resonated with that.

Sorry to interrupt.

I just thinking that when you said to just sit back and observe,

I don't always have to do so I don't have to do something about it.

Just have to let it just let just let and even if you're observing yourself,

Put it off again,

Serving yourself saying it's inconvenient.

And you know that this is not going to work,

But you're still doing it.

Just observing it will solve it.

You don't have to do something right.

Okay,

That Okay,

Julie,

You got a big thing.

I got big shivers down my spine.

Yeah,

It makes it makes a lot of sense.

It really does.

Okay.

Okay.

Now,

And this is how we learn the language of the heart.

We just learn.

Yeah,

We just this is so great.

You guys.

Thank you.

Oh,

Thank you.

Thank you for speaking up and being willing and I,

You know,

My love is so behind you.

And we'll be working with you 24 seven on this as well.

Okay,

And there's Alma beyond me,

But I'm,

I mean,

It's all Alma.

But this is the satsang of the awareness satsang.

So I put it this way.

Right?

Okay,

Beautiful.

Okay.

You see,

We just have to be loved into it.

It's like we're all these abused children,

We just need to get this love.

Okay.

Yes.

All right.

Thank you,

Julie.

Any anyone else,

Please?

And I keep feeling you.

I feel there's something that you might be holding on to,

But that you could speak.

And at the same time,

It's like there's this big halo behind you in the picture.

So I want you to remember that you're divine being.

Thank you.

Yeah,

So yeah,

I have this observation to share that just before the satsang,

When I prepared everything for the zoom,

There was some fear coming up.

So,

And I was thinking,

What's this now?

What is this fear all about?

Right?

I was,

Yeah,

It's,

I don't know,

I,

It's like,

I have to talk to you about that.

So,

Right,

Right,

Right.

And then this satsang was all about fear.

And I thought,

Oh,

My goodness,

This is so,

So quick.

So this response to my,

To my wish to,

To have more,

To have a clearing about the,

About this fear coming up was so quick.

So right.

Very grateful for that.

And yeah,

I could resonate with all the fears with the different kind of fears you were talking about.

Yeah.

But more on the intellectual.

But it's good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Yeah,

It's good.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah,

This is what's going on inside of me at the moment.

And yeah,

What's,

What's going on inside you right now?

It's this a little bit of confusion about this wall.

Yeah.

So good.

Okay.

And again,

That's the boulder,

You guys,

The confusion,

We walk around,

What is this?

What?

And we're sort of out of touch with it.

We don't know how to Where is it?

Where is it?

Right?

Right.

Okay.

Right.

It's when we're out of touch with our deeper hearts.

Right?

Yeah.

It's Yeah.

And it's not a fault at all.

It's just,

It's just great to be willing to surrender into this because it's what solves it.

And you guys,

Some of you are writing and you're,

You're welcome to write if you want,

But it's best to be like fully present while I'm talking and listen to the satsang after and you could take notes then.

It's a way that the ego keeps us split.

If we're,

If we're writing a little bit and nobody's wrong,

You're all just precious.

And if you really need to or want to go ahead.

Okay,

So Anna,

It feels to me that there's a laser beam coming to the deeper aspect of your heart to help you get your arms around what I'm talking about more.

Because it's like there's a step into greater independence for me in a way in a good way,

Not in a bad way in understanding your own capacity to decode yourself.

Okay.

So yeah,

This is the thing you see,

We,

We have the capacity to decode ourselves.

And,

And we all do this.

We all do this.

We want mama,

Please mama,

Mama,

You do it mama.

And so it says,

Okay,

I used to tell you what I used to like pray to Ama.

Listen,

I used to pray to her to bend the rules for me to make it easier.

Just for me,

For Prema Sutta,

Special Prema Sutta to have the rules bent just for me,

Like,

Oh my God.

So there's nothing you guys can do that will,

You know,

Make me judge you at all.

So,

Right.

So,

Yeah.

Okay.

So how do you feel right now,

Anna?

Well,

This makes a lot of sense to me.

And yeah,

It makes me focus more on my own responsibility to,

Yeah,

To and my,

My capacity to you sound like I'll tell you what you said,

Like,

A little six year old that goes,

Okay,

Mom,

I know it's my I'll get up to go to Sunday school on my own now.

I'm going to do this with great ease,

And I will do it right,

Mom.

Right.

Yeah.

Say,

Anna say,

I am very frightened of my own true knowledge.

I'm really frightened of my own true knowledge.

I'm very frightened of my being.

I'm very frightened of my being.

Because I won't be able to be Anna anymore.

If I get over that fear.

Because I won't be able to be Anna anymore.

When I get over this fear,

I will have to change.

I will have to change.

I'm scared of changing.

I'm scared of changing.

Okay,

That's beautiful.

Beautiful example.

It's like fear is stubbornness.

Okay.

Fear is fear of change.

Okay.

By Anna speaking those words,

She was actually helping to clear the fear,

She surrendered to me enough to speak like that and be vulnerable.

There's also a fear of vulnerability clearing in this.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

You know,

The female face of God work is gentle,

Like pregnancy,

It's gentle and gradual like pregnancy.

And,

You know,

With the males learning,

It's much more like,

You know,

Something catastrophic,

Like economic collapse,

Or,

Or,

Or,

Or some trauma.

And we can learn very quickly that way through the trauma.

But this way is it's just gradual and gentle.

So it's this kind of less scar tissue to it.

Do you know what I mean?

That's just right.

That's it.

That's it.

It's very beautiful.

Yeah.

It's very beautiful.

Okay,

Good.

You see,

Anna was just present,

And she was vulnerable enough to let me help her.

She came along with it.

That's it.

Yeah.

You know,

And I'm just feeling like,

That there's special blessings coming to you.

And you've just gone off the video,

But I just hope you're hearing this.

It's from the universe.

Yeah.

Well,

It's very beautiful,

You guys.

And Julie,

You may feel really vulnerable for a bit,

Just be with it.

It's okay.

It's like losing a skin,

Losing a layer of skin.

It's just for a little,

I mean,

You might even be cold during the day.

That can happen with when we're clearing fear and trauma.

We,

We,

We feel cold and just wear lots of sweaters and it passes.

Or we can feel Yeah,

Good.

And we could feel numbness.

And just be with the numbness and know that it's clearing.

And we've been numb and we're waking up.

And when we've been numb,

You know,

If you get your foot cold and you put it in warm water,

It stings.

So it can sting a bit when we're waking up,

But you can have your full,

Your full deck,

You guys.

You know,

Sometimes we're playing with like five cards,

But you can have all 52 cards,

All 52 capacities.

That's it.

And remember that my energy is available to you 24 seven,

I will always be working with you energetically.

There's Alma,

For goodness sakes,

Who's always helping us.

Right.

Right.

And just keep reminding yourself that,

You know,

Lots of times I would like lie down and just imagine myself being unconditionally loved.

And I keep doing it to kind of help my cells get used to the idea of receiving unconditional love,

You know?

I mean,

That's how weedy it was for me.

It's like,

Well,

I'm just going to do this.

And it would be hard sometimes to feel the unconditional love.

And I just,

But I just kept at it.

That's another thing you can do that heals fear over time.

Yeah,

Thank you,

Pramasutra.

It's everything you said resonates with me and every very precise what's going on inside me.

Thank you.

Yeah,

Sweetie.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Thanks for allowing it.

I just knew it was just so wanting to come.

So,

You know,

I gave you a little push there,

You know?

But yeah,

You know,

Your whole life with me is a push,

Right?

It's kind of like,

You know,

I live with you for two weeks or three weeks.

It's like poor and Anna,

It's like,

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

See,

It's much bigger than we realize.

As time goes on,

You get your head broadens.

And you realize this whole game here,

This whole journey is bigger and more complex in a way,

But simpler and more ambiguous.

It's the ambiguity that's so hard for us human beings.

You know,

We want everything like spelled out and straight rules to follow.

It's like,

Well,

I'll tell you what the rules are.

Love thy God with all thy heart and all thy soul and treat your neighbor like yourself.

And those are it.

If you follow those,

You will behave ethically.

You will honor yourself,

You'll honor other people.

You'll honor all of life.

Oh,

There she is.

And did you get my message that there were some angelic beings being sent to you?

I could feel them coming from Amma,

The universe.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that you're good enough.

And you're very,

Very beautiful,

Just the way you are.

And you don't do I say I want to say in a way you don't need help from anyone in the sense of you're very,

Very beautiful as you are.

Please,

Just as you are.

I'm getting a call.

The pronunciation I'm going to but I'm going after you a little bit.

I feel like there's something that needs to come from you.

And that you that maybe you won't come forward but that something it would help you just to I don't know.

Well,

Somehow the fear what I have within me is the fear of to get seen.

Right?

This is what I got reflected about.

Right?

Yeah.

We're scared of the love that we are.

And then when we're seen,

We become the love that we are.

It's like being seen.

It's like a child who's deeply loved by a mom or dad,

Then they can just be themselves.

It's just scared of your immortal nature,

Or you have been.

It's like you don't know how to step into it.

I can feel this.

Right?

Yeah,

It's not so hard,

Actually.

No.

No.

I tell you,

It's just that when we realize like,

Time passes.

What are we doing?

Why would we postpone anything?

Yeah,

Like there's part of you that thinks that it's safe to dance around this,

But you know,

The universe wants you to do it.

So,

You know,

You'll get an you know,

You'll get an acceleration at some point.

It's like either you it's like even I wish to do it.

I only have no idea how it's in the way you use your mind.

That is the problem.

It's like you.

Okay.

Okay.

May I get through to you?

And you know,

When I'm saying that,

Like,

May I get through to myself?

Because it's all me too.

Do you see what I mean?

It's not you guys just show me me.

You're already that being.

And any belief that you are not the creator,

As you are,

Is coming from illusion.

It's like,

You know,

The non dualists will say,

Who's the doer?

Who's the person who's thinking that they're not awakened now?

And that person is illusion.

That person actually doesn't exist.

It's like figment.

But I can feel part of you is going,

I'm not ready for this.

I'm not ready for this.

It's okay.

This is what we're like.

It's okay not to be ready.

You can just observe that.

So it's like,

It's like you can observe it without buying into it.

Just stand back from it a little bit and observe yourself being craving to do this step.

I have this craving within to do this step.

And I'm staying there and I don't know how to do this step.

This is right.

This goes for for I don't know for how long already.

Right.

So my point is,

Who is the doer who thinks that he's in control of the step?

He's illusion.

You're thinking he's somebody and you're actually strengthening the figment of imagination to see you're strengthening the illusion that he's he's somebody he he doesn't exist is for you to change your center gravity.

So instead of you thinking that you're this guy who isn't quite ready to put your center gravity and that you're a divine being and you're already there and to keep your focus on that 24 seven.

Yeah,

So to miss the step to be already there.

Right.

Because you are already there.

In truth.

It's just your ego that is telling you something else,

But your ego is based on illusion.

Your ego is illusion.

And the the operative thing is it just feels like you need to know that you're good enough.

You're good enough.

You're good enough.

You're good enough.

You're good enough.

You're good enough.

You're good enough.

You're good enough.

That's it.

You're good enough.

You're good enough.

Really?

You have permission.

Right?

And it may feel like stepping out on thin ice.

Oh,

Well,

It won't crack.

I promise you.

I promise you it's it's your next step.

It's like,

That's it.

That's it.

Your permission.

Uh huh.

You're already there.

It's just to lodge there.

To make that your center of gravity,

Not your ego.

The center of gravity.

Okay,

Good.

Well done.

Yay.

You see,

This is how our mind tricks us.

It will make false walls.

It will make.

Yeah.

And we believe them.

And of course we do.

You know,

You guys,

It's it's 950 or so.

So I have to go.

But this has been one of the most rewarding satsangs.

I'm so grateful to all of you to turn up and for the level of knowledge that this one was allowed to transmit like,

It was like orgasmic,

Really,

It's just thrilling for me.

And like I said,

I got the dream from Amma about just turning up.

It's like,

Almost like a University of Awareness satsangs.

And just coming,

You'll find it percolates in.

And may you just know that you're blessed and that the amount of love and care you're getting from the universe from your souls is just so beyond anything you could imagine.

Yeah.

And even in the days where it feels like hard and alone and all that,

That the energies in your soul,

Like know what you're going through and are doing everything to help you.

Yeah.

And some stuff we just have to go through.

So our souls are like watching us like mothers who are like sad that their child's being put through some difficulty.

And the angels sometimes cry for us for what we're going through.

Truly.

It's just unbelievable.

The more I progress,

The warmth of the love is just off the charts.

And the more you wake up is you wake up to this.

So,

So anyway,

You guys,

You bless your dear,

Dear hearts.

Okay.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Thank you.