The Priceless Nectar Of Self-Forgiveness

I want to talk about the importance of self-forgiveness in transformation.

You know,

Our society,

We emphasize skills right now and you can always,

With skills,

You can always improve,

Right?

You can practice and perfect them.

But character is a little more subtle.

And to develop character you have to be able to forgive yourself.

Especially at this time where there's so many people waking up and you know,

When we wake up it's easy to go,

Oh what have I been doing with my life?

I've wasted it.

I've wasted these years.

And there's no wasting.

We don't know till we know.

And you know,

It's a world of duality.

It's dark and light.

And we have to know what ignorance is in order to become wise.

We have to know it all.

So there's no fault.

It's just like a little kid,

You know?

A three-year-old is going to function like a three-year-old.

I mean,

You just,

It's not going to be able,

He or she's not going to be able to do algebra.

Well,

Most of them.

They're not going to be able to,

You know,

Work full time.

They're just not.

So it's the same with us.

When you know,

I mean the great thing is that we wake up at all,

You know,

In the course of a life,

You know,

Because so many people they get it in their deathbed or sometimes not even then.

But you know,

If you're waking up and you're seeing things differently,

Please cut yourself some slack for your earlier decisions or how you've lived your life.

You know,

This is why it's called life number two.

You know,

A rebirth that,

You know,

Somebody's reborn.

It's like a second life during the first life and it's just a great achievement to even do that.

The other thing is there are real no errors.

There really aren't.

Everything you know,

Helps.

It's like,

You know,

The mud of the lotus.

The lotus grows out of the mud.

Without the mud,

There's no lotus.

So please,

And I'm going to talk about myself because I hope this reassures you for the level that I had to forgive myself.

So you know,

I've talked in these and I'm really talking about it because I'm really hoping that you will forgive yourself on a deep level,

Not just like,

Oh,

I forgive myself,

But a really deep level.

Because you know,

It's really our souls who forgive us.

All we do is we loosen our ego enough to open the door for the soul to come in,

To forgive us.

If you think most of our egos are formed,

You know,

On a two year old who feels like,

You know,

They're doing it wrong and that their true nature is like wrong because it doesn't fit into the family emotional climate.

You know,

Most parents are not self-realized,

Though they're unconscious of their own divinity and we're raised by them.

So as little kids,

We turn down our own divinity just to fit in,

We kind of numb out to it and we do it with the thinking that there's something wrong with us,

Like that we're just weirdos.

And we quickly take on the local color of our family.

You know,

So the ego goes around,

Our egos go around feeling like we're,

You know,

We're doing it wrong and the ego is very rigid with ourselves.

You know,

It's like a little kid who's just desperate to please mommy and daddy.

We get like that,

Like we,

It's hard to forgive ourselves because we're so desperate to please some outside authority,

Which is actually illusion,

But it's our idea of outside authority.

But I just want to talk about myself.

You know,

I've,

I talked about,

You know,

With my mom being,

You know,

Having a nervous breakdown when I was little.

So I,

You know,

When I reached my thirties and had children,

All that kind of chaos was sitting there and then I got some significant stress points.

And you know,

I had to,

You know,

My kids went for a year at Peter's right when they were like two and four,

Like just at the really,

The really important time.

And not only that,

Their stepmother wasn't a very nice woman.

So it was just horrible for me.

And as I've said,

You know,

The second breakdown came because I was trying so hard to get better.

So for about really about 10 years,

I walked around with this,

Like feeling like,

You know,

I'd really hurt my kids emotionally because I was like doing my healing and I was feeling,

You know,

The cost of my own childhood and how much pain I had been in as a child and it was becoming conscious.

And then I'm going like,

And this has happened to my boys and I've done it to my boys.

But you know,

Now I look at it and go,

There are a couple of things I do.

One is I think to myself,

It's way better that I got sick and they went and stayed with their dad till I had found my truth.

So it was a year till I'd found my truth and I was in my truth.

I was beginning.

So they had a mom that was based in truth and a very kind of compassionate,

Forgiving mom.

The mom they would have had if I had just kept going and hadn't cracked up like that,

I would have just repeated the patterns and they would have gotten worse.

So you know,

It felt like terrible,

Terrible news,

But it turned into a good thing.

Plus that the experience of the mental breakdown is part of what's given me this incredible psychological understanding because I experienced my own psyche,

All the different levels of it in this chaos.

So when I'm working with people,

I can access levels of their psyche.

Like sometimes I'll say,

Okay,

This is like level 500 in there,

You know,

And bring stuff up from the deep unconscious to help them go conscious on it.

It could never have happened if I hadn't gotten so scrambled.

You see,

It's almost like it can we just keep our minds really,

Really open about how we've lived our lives and realize that whatever mistakes or ignorance we've experienced,

It had to be that way in order for us to learn.

If we could have learned,

Like if I could have learned in an easier way,

I would have,

But I couldn't.

The universe had to whack me over the head,

You know?

So I look at it all now as a really,

Really good thing.

And I also understand with my sons,

You know,

For the wounding,

I also understand that that's about this life.

Like we're here to be wounded and to allow the healing and that having a parent who steps into this broader consciousness and navigates the healing is a tremendous gift to the descendants because it's somebody's done it.

Somebody's been the explorer and it helps make it safe.

And it gives,

You know,

The patterns in a life,

They give us choices.

I mean,

You know,

Family patterns give us a lot of choices.

And if we've got,

You know,

A pattern there that is a really healthy,

Expansive one,

We can use some of that energy from that ancestor in our own lives,

Like draw from it.

So anybody who's waking up,

Just give yourself a really big pat on the back,

Please.

And please forgive yourself.

You know,

Of course it comes from the feminine side of your personality.

So for guys sometimes,

You know,

They might not,

It might feel harder,

But I'll tell you,

Just steer that way.

Pray for it.

Just set your intent for self-forgiveness,

You know.

Yeah.

Practice it.

Practice self-compassion.

Maybe get body work.

That can help.

Because our body's got a wisdom that goes beyond our head and it helps us out of our heads back into more of our heart.

So body work can help.

You know,

My energy's always coming to anybody who watches the videos.

So please be gentle with yourselves.

Forgive yourself and then correct,

You know.

Don't be complacent.

Like,

Do it differently next time.

But forgive yourself because we're all just bumbling human beings.

And we're in this kind of time of,

Like this great leap that the human race is making into a higher consciousness.

And so it's messy,

You know.

It's like a seed sprouting.

Messy.

Well,

That's what I found anyway.

Okay,

Bless your hearts.