Hi,
I'm Rod Janz,
A trained spiritual director,
Retreat leader,
And coach.
Thanks for joining me today.
There's an ache that many of us carry or feel from time to time,
A sense that we're standing just outside of something,
That intimacy,
Peace,
Or belonging is close but somehow not available to us,
At least not in the way we would like it to be.
We might be waiting for the right moment.
We might be waiting to become wiser or calmer or more healed.
Primarily,
In what I want to talk about today,
Is waiting for the permission to enter in.
While we wait,
We suffer,
But this suffering is unnecessary.
We really can just enter in.
You are in.
You were at birth,
And depending on your worldview,
You were in maybe even before that,
And nothing has changed throughout your life other than the belief or perception that you're not in and that you're separate from the divine or the true self or whatever name you want to use for God.
The problem isn't that the gate is closed.
The issue is,
For various reasons,
We believe that the gate is closed in our current state or condition.
There's a parable that I came across recently by Franz Kafka called Before the Law.
It tells the story of a man who comes to a gate and stops.
Standing at the gate is a large,
Imposing gatekeeper.
The man assumes that the gatekeeper is there to keep him out,
So he waits.
He spends his entire life hoping that the moment will come when he's allowed to enter.
Years pass.
The man grows old,
And as he's dying,
He asks one final question.
Why has no one else ever come to this gate?
And the gatekeeper tells him that the gate was meant for him alone.
And then comes the truth that arrives too late.
No permission to enter was ever needed.
The gate was always open.
The gatekeeper was not there to block the way,
Only to tend to the gate.
The man stayed outside because he was afraid to step through.
So many of us live like this.
Standing at the threshold of presence,
Of connection,
Of a deep,
Abundant life.
Just waiting to be invited in.
Waiting to feel ready.
Waiting to feel worthy.
But presence,
Connection,
And intimacy with the divine does not require permission.
We just need to be willing and open and participate in the dance.
All we need to do is enter in.
Nature understands this.
Trees don't hesitate before receiving sunlight.
The wave doesn't question whether it's worthy to be part of the ocean or move with the moon.
Birds don't ask if they are allowed to sing at the top of their lungs.
They simply do it.
They simply participate.
They innately know or don't question whether they belong.
They already belong.
And you do too.
You are actually inside the gate you think you were standing before.
You are breathing.
You are sensing.
You are part of this living,
Vital world.
Even now,
Even here,
Presence is here and available to you.
Not later.
Not when you have everything figured out.
Now.
There is a practice that I return to once in a while when I forget this.
A mantra that goes like this.
I say this and this and this too.
When we practice being here now,
We have entered in.
Presence is rarely dramatic.
It often looks like a cheese and mustard sandwich,
To quote Marie Howe,
In her wonderful poem called The Gate.
It's doing the dishes.
It's sunlight streaming through your window onto the floor.
It's the realization that nothing is missing from this moment or your life when you simply relax and become present and still.
It's going the extra mile for a stranger or a friend.
To quote Marie Howe's brother and her poem.
This is what you've been waiting for.
The gate is open.
The gate has always been yours.
There is no gate or gatekeeper.
There are times where presence is palpable and even powerful.
But these times are few and far between.
Just a quick story,
Personal story.
One time,
Probably about 20 years ago,
I was feeling the frustration that we're talking about and I really wanted to have some sort of experience or an awakening that would change my life.
Quite frankly,
I was just tired of being me and hoping that some sort of an experience with the divine would change all that.
I regularly went for walks on a five kilometer or three mile loop.
I still do this kind of thing on a daily basis.
But on this particular occasion,
By the time I got back to my car,
I was lamenting a little bit that nothing had happened.
I hadn't had any sort of major spiritual experience or felt any sort of major connection.
I felt kind of the same as when I started walking 45 minutes earlier.
But then I did have a little brief little nugget of wisdom hit me.
I had just a tiny sense,
Almost like the whisper that Elijah heard.
And it was that the God of my understanding was with me no matter what.
And in that moment,
I felt held and seen.
The remembrance of this has really helped me over the years,
Especially when I get into that zone or that feeling or the space of feeling like something is missing and that intimacy with the divine is not possible or is far away.
That's all that really matters.
But sometimes our egos tell us we need something more.
Don't get me wrong,
It's really nice to have those powerful experiences,
Those moments of almost like palpable connection,
As subjective as they may be.
It's also just enough to remember that now is enough and that we are held and seen no matter what.
And we can be intentional about this.
We can do this for ourselves.
I believe we're manifesting the God of our understanding all the time.
And when we practice self-inquiry and meditation like we do on Insight Timer,
We are doing this.
We are entering in to what already exists.
Take a minute to consider this question.
Where in my life am I still waiting for permission to enter what is already open and available to me?
With this in mind,
Let's take a moment to be mindful and practice presence.
Notice your breath.
Notice the in-breath and the out-breath.
Notice your chest and abdomen rising on the in-breath and falling on the out-breath.
Take a deep breath through your nose and hold it for a second,
And then naturally release it through your mouth.
Let's do that a couple more times.
Take a deep breath in through your nose,
Hold it for a second,
And then naturally release it through your mouth.
Take a deep breath in through your nose,
Hold it for a second or two,
And then naturally release it through your mouth.
Notice the weight of your body supported by a chair or whatever it is that's supporting you at the moment.
What does it feel like to be supported?
Notice the sounds in the room and simply be with whatever you hear.
Relax your shoulders and relax your chest.
Be aware of your heart and the space around your heart and your heartbeat.
Just be with it for a moment.
Be aware of this moment.
And this one too.
Thanks again for joining me,
And I just want to invite you as you go throughout your day to be a little more present to ordinary tasks or the things that are right in front of you,
Like eating a meal,
Your children,
Your grandchildren,
A co-worker,
Customers,
Or a friend.
May you know peace and simply enter in.
