In this anxiety series,
We're going to be talking about some of the ways we can think that will have a link to anxiety and will basically make anxiety effectively a lot worse.
Today,
We're going to be talking about all or nothing thinking.
And as a therapist,
This is something I often see in my clients.
It's also something I've seen in myself as well.
So remember that this is so normal to think in these ways I'm describing.
It's just that the more we think in this kind of way,
It really does have a link to how anxious we may or may not feel.
So what is this thinking style?
Well,
This thinking style is basically when you have a tendency to think in either ors.
You tend to see only two options.
And of those two options,
There will be in your mind a right or a wrong,
A good or a bad.
And this can be when we tell ourselves basically either something's going to go right or something's going to go wrong.
So a good example of this will be either my meeting today goes well or it's going to be a disaster.
Everyone's going to hate me.
Maybe I'm even going to get fired.
Now,
It doesn't always have to be as dramatic as that.
So this does have a link with catastrophizing,
With worst case scenario thinking,
But it doesn't actually always have to be disaster or crisis based thinking.
It really will be when we just limit ourselves.
We aren't taking on that mindset where actually there's so many potentials and there's a spectrum of options or ways things could go.
We really decide that there's only a few ways it can go.
And usually it's one of two or we'll even convince ourself that it's just one way that something can go.
So for you,
As you're listening to me,
Can you relate to this?
Do you tend to do this?
You will know because there'll be an either or to your thinking.
There will be a,
This is going to happen or that's going to happen.
It's sort of pass or fail,
Good or bad.
Now,
The reason why this affects anxiety is because as you can imagine,
If we feel as though our options are pretty limited,
Things can feel as though they close in on us.
If we're telling ourselves either today's going to go well or if I miss the bus,
It's game over.
It's a disaster.
Can you see how that really,
Really limits us?
Now that can come in in all sorts of ways,
As I say,
And I laughed at myself when I think of certain times I do this.
Like I did this the other day when I knew I didn't have a huge amount of time in my day.
And I said to myself,
I either get out for a walk now or I'm going to have to go to the gym tonight and that's going to take up loads of my time.
Now,
Upon reflection,
That was not my only two options.
One,
Okay,
If I didn't exercise that day,
I didn't exercise.
I wanted some movement,
But if I didn't,
I didn't.
I also could have done it in so many other ways.
You see how it's about opening this spectrum out of what are actually all my other options that I'm not seeing?
All or nothing thinking really limits us.
It makes us feel more anxious because we feel like we've only got one or two options.
And if one goes bad,
There's nothing else to draw upon.
So when we're moving out of all or nothing thinking,
What we want to do is we want to really start to see the spectrum things.
Like,
For example,
That example I just gave,
Where could you see all my other options that I might have had?
Like,
Could you have seen that maybe I could have got out for a walk later on that afternoon?
I just wasn't seeing it.
Could you see that actually maybe I could have done it X,
Y,
Z?
Like,
It might not be my example,
But for your own example,
Where can you start to see the spectrum?
We might almost call this the colour because this kind of thinking is very black or white,
All or nothing.
Where can you start to see the colour and the spectrum?
That can even be down to you telling yourself,
I've only got two options for dinner.
It's either this or it's that.
With those ingredients in front of you,
How many things could you actually make that you're not realising?
I know that might seem quite small and you might be saying,
Well,
How is what I'm going to make for dinner going to help with anxiety?
Well,
It really,
Really does because you start to see there's a solution for things and that there's options in nearly everything that happens all the time and stop limiting yourself and that stops in turn you from feeling so anxious all the time.
Now,
As ever,
We need to team our thinking styles with feeling safe on the body level.
If you're unsure how to do that,
Check out my course on Nervous System Regulation.
We want to more look at the body for that.
We want to team these together so that ultimately we can start to feel less anxious.
I'd also say,
Notice in yourself where you tend to do this more.
I know for myself if I've had a stressful day,
I'll probably do it more.
I know if I'm coming on my period and hormones are doing all sorts of things,
I'll do it more.
I remember a time when I was really stressed.
It was to do with moving.
I knew I had to move out of the apartment I was living in and somehow I got to a place in my head where I decided the only two options were to either move to a place I'd found nearby or to move to Mexico,
Which sounds ridiculous now.
I don't know how I got there in my head,
But in my mind I had narrowed down.
These are the only two options.
Either it's here or it's Mexico.
There's nothing else.
Do you relate to that?
Can you get to that place in yourself if you're stressed,
If you're maybe feeling hormonal?
It could be so many different factors,
But where do you tend to do this?
As a side note,
Did anyone teach you this too?
So there might be someone in your life,
A family member,
A parent who used to think in this way that's taught you or rather not taught you this beautiful kind of spectrum thinking of what are all the other options,
How could we solve this problem,
And that there are always multiple options.
Then as a reminder,
Team this with your beautiful nervous system regulation practices and let's continue to talk about anxiety from every form and come and check out another talk in this series for anxiety.
I'll see you soon.
