How To Make Your New Year's Resolutions Really Work! #213

27:47

27:47

How To Make Your New Year's Resolutions Really Work! #213

by Sonia Bueno de la Torre

Rated

4.8

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talks

Activity

Meditation

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Everyone

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29

New Year's Resolutions often don't work. On the contrary! They often result in disappointment, feeling of failure or self-judgment... However, they CAN work and make a big difference for you this year if you approach it the RIGHT way.

Goals Reflection Accountability Compassion Intentions Failure Self Judgment Work Goal Setting Accountability Support Self Compassion Intention Setting

Meet your Teacher

Sonia Bueno de la Torre

Madeira, Portugal

Meet your Teacher

Sonia Bueno de la Torre

Madeira, Portugal

Transcript

Welcome to the Soul Infused Monday show, Your show for an inspired and meaningful week, Year and life. Thank you for showing up. Thank you for tuning in to listen, To learn to grow. I see you. I see you and I appreciate you. So today's episode 213 is how to make your new year's resolutions really work. And I'm going to share with you three main ways. There's way more to it. However, I do want to keep it simple. We have the tendency to over complicate things to over complicate life, And I want to keep it simple. If you're watching this at a later point, So while I am recording this right now airing this right now, Life is January 17, 2022. So if you are listening in at a later point, That doesn't matter because what I'm going to share is going to be beneficial for you at any day of any year. You might have had the experience. I had it certainly and I know most people have. So I was at the gym this morning. I actually had a pretty rough night. Maybe it was the full moon or something. I didn't sleep well. I got up a little bit later than usual and I wanted to go to the gym and it's Monday morning and it's usually busy and I was a little bit concerned that it might be quite crowdy. So I went to the gym early still and the first thing I noticed is how much less people were there compared to the first two weeks in January. It is already very astonishing. I noticed it already a little bit last week, But today it was just really noticeable. And does it not often happen that the first week in January or the first two weeks, We are excited and motivated and we have all these goals and then it fades away and today is only the 17th and it's so noticeable at the gym already. Have you ever experienced that? I would assume yes at some point or another. And you might have heard me say before, Ditch the New Year's resolutions. They usually don't work. They create disappointment and often a feeling of failing that results in self-judgment. And even though I still believe that that is true and it can go into a direction that is absolutely the contrary of what you actually wanted to create in the New Year, They can actually work and you can use them very consciously if you approach them in the right way. And I wanted to share with you three ways on how you can approach New Year's resolutions so that they can work for you and they can benefit you and you can create an incredible year. And maybe you're similar like me and you don't make New Year's resolutions, Then call them goals, Call them intentions, Call them desires, Whatever you want to call them. You are here for a reason and there is something for you to take away. And if you do have any questions, Leave me a comment or send me a message. I am happy to respond. And before I even say the first way, I want to give a little bit of a pre-tip. A pre-tip on how you can approach New Year's resolutions right away from the beginning in a way that's gonna be beneficial for you, Helpful, Effective, Meaningful. So my pre-tip is before you even sit down to make New Year's resolutions or before you think about them or before you set intentions, Use New Year's resolutions that are meaningful. What I mean is mean it, Mean them versus making New Year's resolutions that you think you should or that might be because someone else thinks you should. Mean them, Make them meaningful to you. Only what's really important to you. That's so simple and yet I see it over and over and over that people create these amounts of New Year's resolutions that I wonder, Is this really what you want? So a little pre-tip on how to make them work is mean them, Check if they're really meaningful and important to you. The first thing I wanted to share with you that will make a difference and whether you've heard this before or not, It will be always beneficial because reminders are crucial, Reminders are key. The first way to approach New Year's resolutions in a way that they will really work for you is focus on growth versus goals. And I'm going to explain a little bit more about it. Focus on growth versus goals. And I will give you an example to illustrate it and share a little bit more about it. You might relate to the specific example and if not, You might have your own version of it. An example is how many times have you maybe done it or you heard someone do it that we have a goal to lose weight. And the goal might be I want to lose 10 pounds within 30 days. As an example, Could be any number, Any day, Any goal. But there's a specific goal you have a specific number or specific I want to lose five pounds or 10 pounds by the end of the month. Now what happens if you are at the end of the month and you put yourself on the scale and you lost four or five or less than what you intended. Let's say you wanted to lose 10 pounds and you lost five or four or three or even one pound. Now because you set your mind to lose 10, You will feel disappointed. You might even feel like a failure. You might be frustrated. You certainly are not going to celebrate if your intention or your attention and focus was on losing a certain specific amount. If you focus on the journey on the growth, You will have something to celebrate versus disappointing feelings or self or judging yourself. So instead of focusing on goals or specific numbers, Focus on growth, Focus on the journey and what it takes to get there. And then celebrate the small wins because you might feel like a failure because you didn't achieve what intended. However, You did actually grow and certainly learn something but you're not celebrating because it's not enough. It's not enough. This is one way and I have more examples but focus on growth and not on goals. I remember just another example. Maybe you can relate to that. I have a good friend and I remember her saying at the end of this year, It wasn't so much about new year's resolutions. I have a good friend and she gained a weight but she also felt out of shape. She wanted to feel better. She wanted to lose weight. And one of her ways or one thing that she struggles with is alcohol. Not that she struggles with Oh my gosh, I drink a lot constantly but just love her cocktails and her wine and she knows that for her that's a lot of calories. It's just something that keeps her from feeling in shape. Why that matters is she decided to not do it for a couple of weeks. She also decided to remove certain foods from her diet to make it work better and more efficiently. Now what happened is that after four or six weeks, I don't remember exactly. She had not lost any weight and she was super frustrated and she only focused on the fact this is not working for me. You see it doesn't even matter why should I stop eating this or drinking that if it doesn't even help and she was very frustrated. If she would have approached it in a different manner, She would have seen that she did give herself actually a gift. First of all, She gave her body a break. She gave her body an opportunity to talk to detoxify. It also needs time for the body to adjust sometimes. So even though the numbers on the scale didn't show it right away, She did something really great for her body. She couldn't acknowledge and celebrate that because of the approach she had. So just another little example on focus on growth versus on goals and don't be attached to a specific number so that it keeps you going. I invite you to tune in. I gave you an example about weight and that's really maybe not yours, But tune in for a moment. I will give you space for a moment to tune in. How does that look like in your world, In your life this year, Right now? Just tune in. How does that apply? How can you apply it to your example, To your life and take a note so that while you are listening to this, You are already processing a few things and you already have things to apply right away? So take a moment and do that. Okay. Second way to approach new year's resolutions so that they can actually work. And I've said this before in other areas, Take the pressure off and set yourself goals that are stretchy, But they are also attainable. Set goals that are stretchy that are going to take you beyond where you are, But that they are still attainable and realistic. And have another example. Maybe it's the new year's, Everybody is in the same mindset. I have another friend and we went for breakfast last week and we were talking about what our intentions are. And I asked her and she said all of this, I want to take care of myself. She constantly takes care of others. She basically, I don't want to say never, But she very rarely takes time for herself. She's always taking care of others. So she said, I'm going to take care of myself. I'm going to go back to the gym. I'm going to eat healthy. I'm going to do this, This, This. It was so much that I knew already is not going to happen because it's too much. Don't put yourself into a position where you are already going to fail because it's too much at once. Take the pressure off. Start with one step, Start with one area, Give yourself the time to transition because when you want to change too much at once, Generally we feel overwhelmed. We feel frustrated very quickly and we're going to lose motivation and we're going to give up at some point. So take the pressure off, Sit down and really think about what's important to me and what's one step in that direction that I want to get started now and don't put everything at once. It doesn't matter if it's health related, Relationship related, Business related, Instead of putting everything that you want to change in one resolution, Choose something that is stretchy, That is going to challenge you a bit, But that you also know is attainable and that you can actually do it. Super important. When it comes to that also a reminder that it's the little things, It's the little steps that actually create transformation over time. Sometimes we want to have those huge, Big moments, Those aha, Those enlightenment, Those big, Big moments. However, Those are actually rare. What really creates change and transformation and therefore also meaning and fulfillment is the little things that you do on a consistent basis on a daily basis and the little things that pile up. I remember years ago I had two friends and we met for ladies poker night once a week. We didn't play with real money, But we had chips. The smallest chip was like five cent or something like that. I remember me often saying, Because sometimes you just put like a five cent chip in there and then you won and then you won like three of them. I often said, Little shit makes a pile too. Little shit makes a pile too. We were saying that in regards to the fake money that we are accumulating when we were playing poker. But I still say this many times to myself and others, Little shit makes a pile too. To pile up something, Whether it's internal growth, External abundance, Whatever it is, It's the little things that pile up. You can quote me on that. Sonia says, Little shit makes a pile too. Number three, Reset every month. If you are an overachiever, You can reset every week or even every day. What I mean by that is approach new year's resolutions in a way that you can repeat and reset. Often it's only in January. We have those new year's resolutions January 1st and we are in the super motivated groove and we want to give it our all. And by February, Everything is already down the drain. Reset every month, Meaning create new month's resolutions or first of the month reminders. And I will actually help you do that and I will let you know how in just a moment. I am going to support you actually to create this this year. Pretend every first of the month that is January 1st, Reset. And one tip that I want to give you is by the beginning of each month, Let's say end of February, Then it's the first of end of January and then it's the first of February and you sit down and you reflect on January. A lot of people do this for the whole year. But what if you would do this every month? What if you would do this every month and reset and recreate or adjust or tweak your new year's resolutions? I'm going to give you a few questions that you can ask yourself. So you want to take notes. So at the beginning of every month, Take some quality time, Really take some quality time, I would even already block that time, It can be 10 minutes, It can be 20, 30. Doesn't have to be rocket science, Keep it simple. Schedule 15 minutes in the beginning of the month to reflect back on the month before. And you can ask these questions. For example, What did I do well? Or what work this month? Or what am I proud of? What can I celebrate? What did I learn? I'm going to repeat the question so you can write them down and you can also listen to this episode, Obviously. What did I do well? What worked this month? What am I proud of? What can I celebrate? What did I learn? Once you've done that, You can actually see what you've accomplished and you focus also on what's positive. And then in addition, You can ask another question because you want to improve, You want to change, You want to grow. And then after having written down these things and take a moment to celebrate and honor that, Like really feel good about it, Focus on all the things, Also the little things. And then without judgment, It's really important that you approach this with acceptance and more curiosity. As a learning process, You ask the question, What can I improve this month? Or what could have I done better? Again, Not with judgment, But curiosity and a mindset of improvement. What can I improve this month? Or what could I have done better? And I want to share something real quick that I sometimes use, I do not remember where I heard it. Otherwise, I would give them credit. It might have been in a podcast or some somewhere, But it stayed with me. Maybe it resonates with you, Maybe it doesn't. The phrase, Make better mistakes tomorrow. And for me, Why this works is it makes me smile. Because instead of judging myself off, Oh, I haven't, I did this wrong, This is no good, I made a mistake. I learn and then I tell myself, Okay, Well, I'll make a better mistake tomorrow, Meaning I'm already going to be better. Maybe I do the same thing. And you don't even have to use it at all. If you don't want to use the word mistake, It works for me because it creates a smile and humor. And I like to use humor as well in my inner growth journey. Because if we take things too seriously all the time, It can get quite draining. It's also fun to learn and grow. Make better mistakes tomorrow. Another little tip, If you want to do that is you can also set smaller goals within the bigger goals. For example, You could every month decide to do something for 30 days, You could also decide to do it for seven days or less. But every beginning of the month, You could check in and see, Okay, What's important? What do I want to do? What would I be willing to commit to do for a whole month? So these are two things. Now I told you I would support you with this. So here's what I'm going to do. I had that idea. And I want to do that for you. I had the idea to send you a reminder email every first of the month. So every first of the month, You will have an email in your inbox, Where I'm going to remind you of how important it is on how you start your day, Therefore how you start your month, And how you start your week. So I'm going to send you a reminder every month, Because repetition is key. And I'm also going to share a podcast or a book, Or maybe even both something that inspired me or something that I listened to that I believe will support your process. And any other resources that I might find in that moment or at that month. But the most important piece, It's very simple that the reminder might look the same more or less. Every first of the month, You're going to get a reminder so that I can help you keep this journey on so that you can stay on track and that you can actually make your goals come true this year if you want to call them goals. Now having said that, If you want to get that email, But you're not on my email list for whatever reason, Send me a message with your email and I'd be happy to put you on my list. And of course, You can unsubscribe at any time. Now you might forget about this. So if you are not on my list, And you want to have that reminder email every first of the month, Make a note right now, So that you after the show can send me a message so that you can be on it. Before I continue and give you a last bonus tip, I want you to take a deep breath. And I want you to take a moment to tune in. You can even close your eyes if you like. Tune in the tips that I gave you the ways to approach it and tune in what's the most meaningful thing you've heard so far. What's your biggest takeaway? And do that just for you. You don't even have to share, But I would love to hear it about of course. But there's so much more that I could share today. But my intention is to keep it simple. As I said in the beginning, We have the tendency to over complicate things. We want to have this new perfect tool, We want to have this grandiose idea, Simplify it, Go back to basics. And I'm going to do a quick recap and give you a bonus tip. And then I would love to hear your takeaway. If you're listening to this episode somewhere where you cannot leave a comment, Leave me a review with your biggest takeaway. I would love to hear it. Tune in, I'll give you a moment. I invite you to do this now. Tune in. What is your biggest takeaway from this episode today? Quick recap. How to approach New Year's resolutions so that they can actually work if you want them to. One way is focus on growth instead of goals. Focus on the journey, On the process and don't be attached to the results or specific numbers. And celebrate the little wins. Because little wins are ultimately what create a big win. Second, Take the pressure off and set goals that are stretchy, But also attainable. Take the pressure off, Don't put everything at once that you want to change everything at once. Number three, Reset every month. Or again, If you're an overachiever, Reset every week or reset every day or reset whenever you want. You can reset any moment. And remember, You will get an email in your inbox on every first of the month with a reminder. So if you want to be on that list and you are not, Please send me a message. Now let me share a bonus tip. And you might think it's going to be this, Wow, Bonus tip. It's so simple and so meaningful and so important if that's what you want to do, If you really want to achieve and create the goals of life that you want to have. Bonus tip is get help. Yeah, Get help. Get a coach, Go to therapy, Get a trainer, Invest in yourself. If it's important to you, Get help. You don't have to do this alone. Most of the time, You don't get as much done or you don't accomplish as much than if you have someone. I'm a huge advocate of coaching. I have, If I want to go to the gym, I have someone who trains me at the gym. I'm a personal trainer myself, I know what to do. And I know I'm not going to do as much if I do it by myself. I have my people that I do energy work with. I facilitate healing and transformation. And yet I go to people. If I would want to improve my health, I would get a health coach. Get help, Whether it's with me or someone else. I'm really not attached. If you do resonate with me and you do want to work with me, Sure, Send me a message. But regardless, Get help, Get help, Invest in yourself. That's the best way to make your intentions, Goals, Resolutions, Make work this year. Now before you leave, Take another breath. Practice being present in the moment. You can even close your eyes again, Tune in, Reflect on what you heard. What's meaningful? What's your takeaway? Anchor it. Maybe that you want to take a few other notes. And if you haven't done so yet, I invite you to share your biggest takeaway with me. Either you can leave a comment below or leave me a review with your biggest takeaway. Thank you for being here. Appreciate you. I hope this was valuable to you. I hope you're coming back on Monday again for a new episode of Soul Infused Monday. I hope you're gonna stay committed. I hope you got some inspiration, Some meaning, Maybe some hope. Wherever you are on your journey, You are loved, You are appreciated. And I will see you next week. Much love.