#208 How To Deal With Emotions In A Healthy Way

Welcome to the Soul Infused Monday show episode 208 on how to deal with intense emotions or stress the healthy way.

I'm going to talk what do I mean with intense emotions?

What is maybe the unhealthy way and what is a healthy way?

I also want to give a disclaimer if you are dealing with severe emotions,

Let's say if it does,

If it's anxiety,

Anger,

Whatever is going on in your life,

I recommend you ask also for help.

I work with my clients,

What I'm sharing here with you today can be extremely beneficial and powerful.

At the same time,

There might be underlying issues that you want to address with someone.

So that,

Yeah,

That you are aware that there's a lot that you can do yourself.

However,

If you're struggling like severely right now,

I recommend you ask for help in a sense of having a coach,

Having a mentor,

Having a therapist,

A healer,

Whoever that is in your world.

And I'm obviously also very happy to support you.

And I actually have a special invitation today for you as well.

I want to share why I use the word intense emotions.

And what I mean by that because I do not want to label emotions as good or bad,

Because so called good emotions can sometimes be intense and not imbalanced and therefore have a negative effect on you.

And some of the emotions that we might consider negative,

Not always negative,

And it's really about how to deal with the intensity.

So I'm using that word very consciously to invite you to remove any judgment around your emotion.

So this might be already important for some of you to hear that take the judgment off,

Like for example,

Anxiety,

Anger,

Jealousy,

Whatever you consider negative to remove the label.

And next time you go through something intense,

You use the word intense instead of bad or negative.

The holidays are around the corner for some of you that creates actually a lot of stress as well and intense emotions.

I hope this is going to be really helpful.

Again,

Repetition real quick,

Don't put a label or a judgment on your emotions,

Whether good or bad.

I'm going to share on how to deal with intense emotions,

No matter what they are.

As long as you are a human being,

And in this life,

You will deal with emotions and feelings and maybe also stress,

Whatever we want to call it,

And it's normal.

And it's also normal and okay,

That sometimes it's more intensified.

This is not necessarily a bad thing.

It's about how to manage it,

How to handle it and how to control emotions in a way that it's going to be healthy.

So it's okay to feel whatever you feel.

And I'm going to say this again over and over again.

And maybe you're dealing feeling something right now that is intense.

Are you feeling something right now that is intense?

Let me know.

It's okay to feel this way.

Take a breath,

Take a deep breath.

That's okay.

So I'm going to give you a few examples on how to deal with emotions or feelings of stress in an unhealthy way.

And I also want to say that I'm also touching the surface here.

There's way more but for the Soul Infuse Monday show,

I want to give you a few pointers.

Even if you've heard this before,

Let it sink deeper,

Let it anchor this is such a profound important piece.

Because it's the judgment often around the emotion or the trigger that makes it even worse.

So remove the judgment next time you go through something intense and see it as Oof,

I'm going through an intense emotion right now.

What can I do?

I will let you know what you can do.

But let me tell you first what you don't want to do.

And that doesn't mean that you're going to be perfect and not do it,

You will do it sometimes I still do it sometimes dealing it in a way that's maybe not the best,

But so that you have an awareness.

Here are some ways on how to deal with emotions,

Not the healthy way,

Maybe more on an unhealthy way.

One is to numb emotions,

Meaning something is happening,

There is an intense emotion.

And instead of dealing with it,

We try or our unconscious mind,

Our protection mechanism,

It's not a conscious choice,

But it's trying to numb it in order to deal with it.

And numbing can happen in many different ways.

So for me,

It's mainly food,

But it can be anything,

It can be any type of distraction,

Even if it looks like a good one.

You know,

It could be exercise,

Work,

Food,

Any drugs,

Any addiction,

It can be even just being busy,

Just being busy,

Keep doing things doing doing doing,

It can be being distracted,

It can even be to the point that you go help someone else to not to deal with your own like any type of numbing.

So this is one way,

It's not the best way.

Another way is to actually suppress it.

And you do that with similar mechanisms,

But there's a disconnection,

A dissociation,

Disassociation to the feeling itself,

That's also very unhealthy.

And it comes often with a belief that showing emotions is bad in some way or not safe,

It can be that strong emotions are weak,

There are a lot of different layers and beliefs and conditioning around that.

So numbing was suppressing,

Then another unhealthy way of dealing with emotions is to act out on them in an unhealthy way.

Meaning,

Let's say you experience an intense emotion of anger.

And instead of dealing with it in a healthy way,

You act out on it,

And you might actually hurt someone and yourself.

So that's just one example.

So acting out.

And one other way that I'm going to tap into a little bit more is to actually deal with the emotion at the wrong time.

And the wrong like there's more to it,

But listen to me about that.

But that's also you do not want to kind of release act out deal with it in the wrong at the wrong time.

Now I'm curious,

I only mentioned a few ways on how to not necessarily deal with them or it's not the best way not the most healthiest way.

What's your way that you recognize right now?

What are your mechanisms that you know,

Or you are aware that it's a go to,

To deal with the emotions,

Even though it's not the best?

I'm curious to hear.

This is also a moment of reflection and introspection and see,

Okay,

You can learn something right now,

What resonated with you,

And there's sometimes shame or judgment around it to admit,

Or no,

I'm not numbing my emotions,

Or I am,

You know,

Especially when you're on the path,

And you're very spiritual,

And you do the work,

It takes courage and transparency and kind of like real,

You know,

Consciousness to say,

Oh,

Yeah,

That's what I'm doing.

So I'm always very transparent.

Maybe not always I try to avoid the use the use of the word always,

But I am transparent in many ways,

Or my go to is definitely still food,

Sometimes.

So if there's too much going on is either isolation,

Disconnection of food,

So I'm not ashamed of it.

I'm not at that moment to share and I'm sharing this also.

So did you feel free to share?

So please share with me.

This is very healing when you share.

Playing computer games.

Oh,

Yeah,

Thank you for sharing that Sarah,

I have face and sometimes also go back to playing a game on my phone.

And it can be for hours.

Now,

Have you done this before?

No shame.

No judgment.

We all do it in some way or another.

I tend to keep busy or by myself busy.

Yeah,

Also a good one.

Staying busy,

Keeping busy.

And with the busyness,

There's even a payoff for the ego,

Because it keeps you being busy gives us a sense of doing something worthwhile being important.

You can notice if you talk to someone,

It's like,

Hey,

Would you like to get together?

I'm so busy.

I'm so busy.

Generally,

That's a little bit over the top and not a healthy busyness.

It's a busyness in order to keep us busy.

Keep us in the loop.

Great.

Thank you for sharing.

Suppressing it.

Thank you for sharing.

And thank you for your honesty.

It's important to be honest with yourself first,

Right and remove any judgment.

Sleep and food are two ghosts for me.

Yeah,

Sleeping and food.

Yeah,

Raise your hand if you can relate,

Raise your hand if you can relate.

Nothing wrong with that.

No shame.

No guilt.

No judgment.

Put it aside for a moment.

It's okay.

We all have our mechanisms.

There's not one person in this world that has not had some way of dealing with emotions.

Not the best way sometimes.

Okay,

No one is perfect.

It's okay.

You are human.

And take a deep breath.

Take a deep,

Deep breath.

Okay,

Great.

Thank you for sharing.

Before I share a few of the healthy ways,

I also want to give you an approach on dealing with intense emotions from a physical perspective.

So you don't label it either.

Intense emotions have something in common,

No matter what the emotion is.

Intense emotion generally,

Not always,

But in general,

Raise your heartbeat.

So your heart is generally beating faster when you go through an intense emotion,

Whether it's anxiety,

Panic,

Even excitement.

Something really intense,

Generally,

Not always,

Increases your heart rate.

So there you can notice it,

You can pay attention to it.

It's like,

Okay,

Instead of judging yourself,

Oh my god,

I'm having a panic attack.

It's like,

Oh,

My heart is beating very fast.

They also generally create tension in our body.

So the counter movement to that is relaxation,

Slowing heartbeat down,

Relaxation.

And from an energetic perspective,

From a chakra perspective,

There's way more involved in this.

This is very,

Very basic,

But your base chakra,

In general,

Is kind of pulled up,

Or tense,

Or depending on the emotion or the trigger.

And of course,

Other chakras are involved as well.

But that's using anxiety or panic as one because I know a lot,

A lot of people are dealing with that big time.

So in general,

Your heartbeat is kind of fast,

You're tense,

And your base is pulled up.

So in that state of being,

You don't feel safe,

You don't feel grounded,

You don't feel centered,

And you want to deal with it in a better way.

Hmm,

Yeah,

A few examples on how to deal with them healthier.

And I've already gave it given you some even though you might have not noticed them by the way,

First of all,

Let the judgment go away.

Like the first thing you want to do when you have an intense emotion,

You take a deep breath,

And you tell yourself,

It's okay that I feel this way.

First and foremost,

When you have judgment,

It's very hard to deal with anything very healthy,

Healthy ways,

It's okay to feel this way.

First of all,

You want to be in acceptance as much as you can,

Even if it's in acceptance to be that you're not in acceptance,

Except the judgment,

Except that to acceptance.

Instead of that,

And you might want to write this actually down.

Instead of the judgment,

You want to look at it with curiosity,

And ask the question,

I wonder what's going on inside of me,

Or what was going on outside of me that I wonder what's going on,

That I feel this way,

What's happening.

So instead of judgment,

You go into being curious,

And you ask the question,

I wonder what's going on right now,

That alone can help you because it helps you because you are tuning inward.

Without judgment,

It can be super powerful.

Write this down,

Go into curiosity,

I wonder what's happening right now.

Because it gives you an outlet outlet to be in acceptance and presence with the emotion and the focus on to what's what's actually happening,

Not why,

Not necessarily why,

Why is often judgment,

Oh,

Why am I doing this again?

Why am I feeling this,

Put away the why and ask what is actually happening.

Then one very important part that you might need help with is you want to address and hear the land underlying issue of the intense emotion,

Because it's normal that we get to deal with stuff on a daily basis.

You know,

It's not the question,

Am I going to have emotions is about how am I going to deal with those emotions that are maybe a little bit over the top.

Now,

When there is an intent,

Like a really intense trigger,

Or reaction,

Feeling,

You can bet that most of the time,

Again,

I'm not going to say always,

But most of the time,

There is wounding from the past attached to that reaction.

Because very often our reaction to what's happening on the outside is not in proportion to what's actually the intensity of the emotion.

Does that make sense?

You want to address the underlying issue that is attached,

It's a wounding can be trauma related can be belief related,

It's a wounding from the path that you get to resolve.

I've shared a few things,

What resonates with you the most in order to deal with this in a healthy way.

Breath is always one like physical,

You know,

Like check your physical body.

The benefit of knowing and recognizing intense emotion on a physical level is that you can shift that fairly quickly.

You might not resolve all of it.

But you can shift it fairly quickly.

You check my heartbeat,

Okay,

How do I slow down my heartbeat?

I breathe.

My body is tense,

I relax,

I breathe and relax the muscles on my body.

In my body.

I relax,

I bring my body into a more sympathetic state of being parasympathetic,

Like not in,

You know,

Fight or flight,

Parasympathetic by breathing by coming back to the present moment.

Removing judgment,

It's okay that you feel this way.

Bringing curiosity,

I wonder what's actually happening.

These are all much healthier ways to deal with it.

Of course,

Addressing the underlying issue.

I give you an example that just pops in client of mine that I worked recently.

So she struggled sometimes in communication with or in in relationship with her husband.

She often feels like she gives a lot,

She does a lot,

She doesn't get back,

And that he doesn't really take her too serious or doesn't support her.

And one very simple but very archetype example is in the kitchen or in with house hold stuff,

Right?

She got really upset the other day and got triggered very strongly because he didn't do the dishes.

And her reaction to it was so strong that even she knew this is not about the dishes,

But it,

You know,

She literally freaked out they had a huge argument.

She was angry,

Upset,

And,

And,

And he didn't even really know what was happening.

So that was such an intense emotion for her.

And they had such a bad fight about the dishes.

And maybe you can relate,

Maybe it's not the dishes,

It may be something else.

But we worked on it and we dove a little bit deeper and say,

Okay,

What's underneath what's actually happening underneath.

And so we layered it down and how she felt was she felt unsupported.

And she felt not heard.

Now that had nothing to do with her husband,

That wounding was way older.

That was already created in her childhood.

Because she she was,

You know,

She had several siblings,

She was often not heard,

Or not seen or she felt unsupported.

So we had to deal with that wounding,

We had to resolve that we had to release that unresolved issue,

So that she can now as an adult,

As a mature woman,

Speak and address it and communicate it in a way that she feels heard,

And she does feel supported.

And once she addressed once she shared it with him,

And once she could stay get from an centered balanced state versus being like super judgmental,

Triggered and angry.

He understood.

He said,

Oh,

Yeah,

I'm happy to support you in that.

And I'm happy to do the dishes.

Just you know,

Like communication is key.

Does that make sense?

Does that resonate with you?

I'm just curious.

It makes perfect sense that our reaction emotions to a trigger are often disproportionate to the triggering situation itself.

Yes.

So most,

Not most,

But many,

Many,

Many,

Many times,

When there's really intense emotion,

You can bet that there's something underneath.

So this is just one example.

I also mentioned about dealing with it in the right timing.

Now this might be new to you,

Or you might think,

I don't understand what you're saying.

So the right time,

You want to be able to deal,

Manage and control your emotions without suppressing them.

And without numbing them,

You do want to release them,

You do want to deal with them.

However,

Sometimes that particular moment is not the best moment.

What I mean by that is I give you an example.

I give you two examples.

It actually happened to me 15 minutes before I went live on the show.

So I had something going on,

Literally 15 minutes before the show that triggered me big time.

And I got anxious.

And I felt my heartbeat.

And I felt like,

Oh my god,

Oh my god,

And I have to show so the typical kind of first reaction,

Oh my god,

Oh my god.

Now I sat down to meditate for a few minutes,

I was very aware in that moment that I did not want to deal with that situation now,

Because I knew I would go live.

And I knew I wanted to be present.

I wanted to be supportive,

I wanted to be conscious,

And I wanted to be here for you.

Now,

That doesn't mean I kind of like neglected it,

Or I threw it away,

Or I pretended it wasn't there.

I didn't disconnect it,

I just talked to myself to my inner child,

And I made a conscious choice to deal with it at a later point.

In order to do that,

You you want to communicate it with the part that is freaking out.

Usually,

It's our inner child,

There's maybe other parts involved.

But I literally it's imagined as parent,

This is a very,

Very good point.

And if you have kids,

Especially small kids,

Bigger,

Especially small kids,

Because sometimes you are going through something,

But your child needs you to be strong or supportive,

So that they feel safe.

That doesn't mean that you pretend you're always strong now.

But there are sometimes moments where you get to be at your best and in a present moment where you can deal with the current situation without getting too overly emotional.

And it can be as simple as saying,

Hey,

It's okay that I feel this way.

This is super intense.

I want to deal with it later,

My inner child is freaking out,

I will deal with it later.

I'm going to support it later.

Right now,

I need to do this.

And I'm going to go back and deal with it later.

Does it make sense what I'm saying?

And with your with a real child,

Like you have a child,

You say this internal to yourself,

It's like,

I'm going to deal with this later.

Right now,

I'm going to be there for my child,

Because he needs me or she needs me to be strong in this moment.

You know,

I know,

I'm really only scratching the surface here.

There's so much more to say about this.

I just want to give you as much as possible and see what resonates with you.

I could obviously talk for more,

More and more and more.

But I'm gonna wrap this up.

What's your biggest takeaway?

What resonates with you?

What are you taking away with today?

What are you taking away?

That resonates with me to understand underlying projecting emotions.

I love to listen to guided meditation morning and night for healthy stress releasing.

Yes,

Great.

Yeah.

The dealing with what's underneath is maybe even the most important thing.

But in the moment when you're going through it,

You might not have someone.

So yeah,

This is great meditation,

Breathing,

Exercise,

Movement,

Energy balancing,

There's so much you can do.

Thank you for sharing.

Thanks for that.

Good to know in for doing inner child stuff right now to great DC.

Yeah,

Inner child work is so important.

A big,

Big chunk of the work that I do with my with my clients is really about healing and dealing with the inner child.

This is one of the most important things if you've not done this before,

If you are not doing this,

You get to put that on your list.

It is one of the most important pieces to work with.

And Darlene is saying sadly food is still my go to put away the sadly remove the judgment.

That's my invitation right now.

Darlene,

Take a deep breath.

I understand.

I remove sadly and remove still.

And I'm with you 100%.

Let that be okay.

Sometimes it's too intense.

And that's what you do.

We do the best we can in every moment.

Remove the judgment.

It's totally okay.

I love that engagement with you.

Because that's how I that's why I do it.

I love to hear what's resonating with you.

I'm here for you.

This is a little bit of a longer show.

And it is what it is.

I'm happy to be here with you.

Another takeaway that I'm allowed to deal with intense emotion at a later time.

I don't need to be overwhelmed by it.

Yes,

That's a very great takeaway.

I want to say this again.

I think that's really important.

It takes work,

It takes maturity,

And it takes skill to do that.

Because it's a way of controlling and managing your emotion without neglecting them,

Disconnecting them is about releasing them at a later point and dealing with them in a healthy way.

That's also related to you don't want to act out the stuff right away.

If you get triggered,

And you freak out,

Like with the husband,

Your child,

Your sister,

Your boss,

Whoever that is,

You want to be able to process it before acting out on it and hurting or damaging or yelling and then you feel guilty and then you regret it.

What is set in a moment you cannot cannot be undone.

The more you do the inner work to heal the underlying issues and wounds,

The less you get triggered.

Another takeaway connecting with inner child to recognize the underlying emotions bubbling up when we are reacting to a situation.

Great takeaway Linda,

Thank you for sharing.

I think it was the taking care of yourself in a child when you are parenting to Oh,

Yeah,

Great.

Yes,

Tamira.

Great,

Great point.

If you are a parent,

Everything you've learned you can also use.

Number one,

You teach by example,

Not by what you say.

You teach by example,

What you say means nothing.

Behavior,

Energy,

Emotion,

That's what children learn from.

And to be able to also teach them about that is important.

But also you being able to sometimes and hey,

There's no perfection.

Listen,

We all mess up.

Put this perfectionist aside,

Especially if you're a mom or dad.

And it's a hell of a job to do that.

And you're not going to be perfect.

You are sometimes connect out,

You are going to sometimes react strongly,

And you can go back and still communicate and,

You know,

Like make it good again.

But the more you are able to handle and process and deal with your emotions internally,

The better you're going to be able to actually be in behavior and reaction in connection with someone else on the outside.

Take a deep breath.

Take a deep,

Deep,

Deep breath.

Relax your body.

It's okay how you feel remove any judgment.

Great.

And if you have not left a comment yet with your biggest takeaway from this show,

Please do so.

I'm happy that you were here with me today.

I wish you a fantastic rest of the day.

Thank you so much for being here.

Have a great,

Great week.

And I'm looking forward to continuing this journey with you.

Much love.