In The Middle Of The Night (Talk)

Hello,

My name is Spencer.

Thank you for joining me today on this talk entitled In the Middle of the Night.

So this is the talk version.

I'm also going to be recording a meditation that you can use if you do happen to wake up in the middle of the night that might be supportive.

But for this recording,

I just wanted to share a few thoughts and ideas that might help you when you find yourself waking up in the middle of the night.

Okay,

So let's get started.

So first,

I want to name that it can be incredibly frustrating when you wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep.

I think this is a very common human experience.

We've all been there,

But it doesn't make it any easier when we really just want to be asleep.

So I hope to share a few thoughts and ideas that might help you in this journey getting back to sleep,

Or it might be something else.

We'll find out.

So first,

I think it's important to name here outside of sleep time to really check in during the daytime hours.

What are your habits and practices that actually are going to help you get a better night's rest?

And these,

Again,

Are just the basic things like being outside in nature,

Getting sunshine,

Doing some type of,

You know,

Physical movement,

Body movement,

Stretching,

And being active during the day is so important.

But also during the day,

Being mindful of what you're bringing in.

So looking at,

You know,

The news or other external noises and sources of information,

And even,

You know,

Clutter in the house.

Like there's a lot of external things that might be happening in your world.

So you might tune in to identify what are some of the things you could potentially pause on.

And even if it's just for a week,

You know,

Maybe it's social media,

Things like that,

Essentially to tend to the daily stressors is what I'm saying.

And of course,

Part of that is drinking plenty of water and getting nutritious foods in you,

And body movement,

And nature,

And sunshine.

That's all essential.

So that's just something to consider is what is your world like during your waking hours?

And how might your time spent awake better serve getting a good night's sleep?

So I know that there's a lot of research out there,

And a lot of things that you can go learn about and see what works best for you.

But I just wanted to name that here,

So that you're doing everything you can to set yourself up for a good night's rest.

In this talk,

However,

We're going to talk about what if you do wake up,

When you wake up,

And what then.

And before I,

You know,

Jump into that,

I'll talk a little bit now about the preparations for bedtime.

I think there's kind of this,

I don't know,

Common thing that a lot of us do is we're going about our day and our evening,

And then it's time to go to bed.

And it's just like this switch off kind of a thing.

I have a struggle to do that.

And of course,

As I'm sharing these things with you,

Please know that I'm really still working on this process.

But the nighttime routine is important.

I'd almost say too,

The daytime routine,

Having some,

You know,

Consistent rituals and things that you do in the morning are also important.

The wake up time,

How you start your day is important.

But also,

You know,

As you close out the day,

Are there things that you could be doing or creating an environment that's more conducive to winding down and letting the body know,

Hey,

It's time to get ready for sleep.

And part of that,

Of course,

Is really tuning into your own rhythms and schedules of your body and your needs and being mindful of that when it's time to close things down and start winding down and giving yourself enough time to actually wind down.

Again,

That is turning off screens.

And if you do have to be on screens,

I know that there's,

Blue light blocker glasses that you can,

I've had some of those.

Those are helpful.

Also,

Salt lamps or other dimmer warm lighting.

And as much as you can,

Just allowing yourself to be in more dim spaces where it's not so stimulating.

You know,

I've been in different homes,

Have had opportunities to go in different places where the homes,

There's like just no in-between.

It's all bright and it looks beautiful in the day,

Right?

But it's,

There's no in-between time for morning or that evening,

That late evening time where there's the dimmer and warmer lighting.

And so that's something to consider as well as what some people have said,

You know,

Not eating a big meal an hour before you go to sleep.

You know,

There's other things you can kind of look into as you refine your nighttime routine.

And again,

Give yourself grace.

We're all human and it's different from night to night,

Right?

How it all happens.

But if you can kind of get into a routine,

A rhythm of learning to prep your body for bed,

Just like you might do for meditation,

Having a consistent meditation practice,

This nighttime routine can be really helpful.

For me,

I'll just share one of the things.

And because this is actually kind of ties into what I recommend in the middle of the night,

If you do wake up one practice you can do.

I like to do this when I remember to do it before I go to bed.

And it's a simple practice of just looking around,

Listening to the,

If there's any sounds and really breathing and tuning into the sensations of the body and letting myself just sink more into the bed.

And that's a practice you can do just to help be more centered and aware of your surroundings.

So let's go ahead and just like practice that now before I go on.

We'll just do a short practice.

And I think this is really good.

And the reason why we do a practice is to help us when we go to do the real thing.

And for us that this,

In this case,

It is like getting ready for bed,

Winding down.

So it's just a kind of a training practice to help your body settle in.

So you might just take a moment right now to look around the room and let your gaze be soft.

And depending on what I have found,

Depending on your energy level,

You can kind of tune in to if it feels good to look around slowly or a little bit quicker at first.

Sometimes I have found there's a little bit more energy that I have.

Like oftentimes it's mental energy,

Thoughts and things happening.

And my system is maybe,

You know,

Just,

Just a little bit more energetic than I want,

Than I want it to be.

And so sometimes I find myself looking around the room a little bit faster and then tuning in now to your breath.

So as you're looking around,

Feeling into the,

What feels good for the pacing and looking around,

Tuning into the breath now and bringing awareness to the breath and breathing in slowly and seeing if you can just slow your gaze down and looking at different objects close to you,

Farther away,

And just letting yourself slow down in that process.

And as you do,

You're just breathing gently,

Just noticing textures and objects and colors,

Just coming into this,

A place of observance,

Letting thoughts go,

Being with the space that you're in.

And then if it feels good,

You might gently close your eyes and listen if there are sounds,

Just listen to any close sounds,

Sounds that are nearby.

Also noticing silence,

If there's more silence in certain areas.

Perhaps it's silent in your space,

In your room,

But there's noise outside.

So you can also tune in,

Just noticing noises outside,

Far away in the distance,

If there are any.

And coming back,

Closer sounds that might be,

Even in your body,

If you even notice sometimes the heart beating,

But you can tune in now to the physical sensations of the body.

Noticing if there's any tension that can be released and you can offer some loosening to the body.

Again,

Breathing slowly and gently.

And here's where you might let yourself sink more,

If you were lying down,

Sink more into the bed or the chair,

The ground beneath you,

Just noticing where your body makes contact with the surface below it,

And just letting yourself sink more into that.

And of course,

If you're gonna do this before you go to bed,

You can just let yourself sink more and more into the sensations,

Letting go of the outside world,

And allowing yourself to come more here into the body,

And relaxing the body,

Resting the body,

Breathing with the body.

So that's a practice that you can do before you go to bed,

But also in the middle of the night,

If you wake up,

That's a practice you can do.

And for me,

When I've done this practice in the middle of the night,

Or even when I'm going to bed,

When I'm in that stage of looking around,

What I have found that is helpful for me is to incorporate blinking,

Slow blinking,

Maybe it's fast at first,

Just some more rapid blinking,

But then seeing if I can slow it down.

So this is something you also can try.

And again,

Maybe we're looking back and forth rapidly,

Or we're slowing down that looking and blinking.

And what has been supportive is to vary when my eyes are open and closed.

So this is a,

Just try this and see how it might work for you.

But what's worked for me in the past,

And I've worked with people who do rapid eye movement and some other techniques where the eyes are looking back and forth.

And I mean,

That's a whole profession out there.

But for this purpose,

It's just try blinking at a rate in which feels good,

That feels just maybe kind of matches your energy.

And that's almost,

Again,

Where this looking around is just like matching the energy that your body is at,

You know,

The mind and all of that.

And then using that,

That looking around and blinking to slow things down.

So slowing the blinking down.

And for me,

I kind of transition from blinking from that place of having my eyes open and blinking to having my eyes closed and blinking,

If that makes sense.

So I start,

My eyes are open.

I start this blinking process at a rate that kind of matches my energy.

And I seek to slow it down,

Slow it down.

So there's like less blinking happening.

So the blink time is slower.

Then it kind of transitions to,

Oh,

My eyes are closed.

That's like,

That becomes home base now,

Essentially,

Is my eyes are closed now.

And I'm going to open them.

But coming back home,

Coming back to center now,

Instead of it being my eyes are open.

Now it's my eyes are closed.

So it's almost like there almost is a little bit of a,

Not a forcing,

But it's like as my eyes are closed for longer periods of time,

I just,

I'm like,

Okay,

I'm going to open them again slowly.

But I know that my eyes,

My eyelids are getting heavier.

And I'm going to close my eyes because that's where home is now.

Like that's back to center now.

I hope that made sense.

But that's that kind of transition from,

Oh,

I'm awake,

My eyes are open to,

No,

Actually my eyes are closed and I don't really want to open them again.

So you just slow,

Slow,

Slow it down and get to that space of,

Oh,

Just my eyes are closed.

I just want them to be closed.

But if you notice like a little,

Maybe a burst of energy that kind of comes through,

You might open your eyes and kind of blink a little bit.

But then just slow the breath down and say,

No,

I'm just like coming back to center,

Which is eyes closed.

So that's something you could try and see how that might work for you.

And of course,

Then when you have those eyes closed,

You can do the listening practice,

But also especially do the practice where you're coming more into the body and just loosening up the body,

Letting go of that tension and doing your best not to move around.

Ideally,

You get into a place comfortable in your bed where you don't have to move around ideally,

Right?

But we'd recognize that the ideals aren't always accessible to us.

So that practice you can do as well in the middle of the night,

Even if it's really dark,

That blinking practice is something you might try.

So let's just talk a little bit about waking up in the middle of the night.

So for me,

What has been helpful is to tune in when I'm awake,

And this can be hard depending on your experience,

But can you tune in when you're awake?

And of course,

We might talk about different times too,

Because sometimes you might be waking up like really early,

Like four o'clock or so,

Maybe three o'clock,

And that might be a slightly different situation.

I'll talk about one circumstance that I have found to be true for me when I'm waking up like really early in the morning.

But when it's just like,

You know,

Midnight or one o'clock,

Two o'clock,

You just,

You really don't want to be awake.

You know,

Maybe you do.

I don't usually.

But can you find a pause for yourself during this?

And again,

Tuning back into the body.

And so here we talk about not resisting what is.

So there's a lot of teachings out there that talk about allowing and surrendering and not resisting,

Right?

And in this case,

It kind of applies where we're just seeking to look at it like in a non-judgmental way.

The resistance comes when you don't want to be awake,

And there can be more panic and fear that occurs because you're awake and maybe you're tired,

Really tired,

And your body's sore.

You don't really want to move,

But you're awake.

And so like how to navigate that.

And really it's,

For me,

It's been a practice of being able to tune in to the body.

And sometimes,

Do I actually need to get out of bed?

Do I need to wake up for a moment?

Am I so like just awake that it would be okay for me to actually get up for a moment?

Again,

Having dim light like the salt lamp,

So not bright light,

But really,

Really dim,

Warm light.

And even though I don't want to,

Maybe I do sit up for a moment,

Sit on the floor out of bed.

Maybe I do some journaling,

Things like that.

Again,

You have to notice,

Right?

Like,

Is there a lot of panic in your system or worry?

Maybe you woke up from a bad dream.

And so learning how to tend to that is important.

Or maybe you're just awake and you're just awake,

But there's no like charged energy.

Like you're not necessarily panicked,

But you're starting to think.

And how can you essentially,

Even if you do get out of bed,

How can you stay in a place of more calm and gentleness and quietness?

And so again,

Coming back to tuning into the body and breathing slow,

Even if you do feel like drawn to get out of bed for a moment,

Do some journaling or something.

Maybe you just sit.

Sometimes I've just sat on the floor,

Did some gentle rocking back and forth,

Some gentle movement.

Again,

Just like coming back to the body,

Coming down from the mind.

I know yoga nidra is a popular meditation practice that might be supportive for this.

And just coming back to the mind,

Because for me,

You know,

Sometimes just staying in bed and getting back to sleep doesn't actually work.

I actually have to get out of bed and I was almost like restarting the process.

So here,

If you can practice gentleness and noticing where some of the frustration might come in,

Anxiety that might come in because you're awake and you want to be asleep.

So that's part of the tending that you kind of have to do to coming to this acceptance of,

Okay,

My body is just simply awake now and I don't seem to be able to get back to sleep.

So what is a step that I can take?

And so that might be turning on a dim salt lamp or light that's really warm and sitting for a moment.

And potentially journaling,

If there are a lot of thoughts coming through,

Maybe you do take a moment to journal,

But then close that and do some gentle movement with a body and gentle breathing.

And then as you get more settled in your body,

Then climbing back into bed and again,

Continuing that slowing down process.

And here again,

That practice of blinking can be supportive,

Especially if there's a lot of mental chatter and an anxiety and stress,

That's something also to kind of look at.

And sometimes if there's just a lot that's there for you in terms of tension or anxiety,

And you do get out of bed,

Maybe you do work on that.

But I again,

Encourage you not to go so much into the mental space of thinking,

But it's coming back into the body and just doing a practice where you know that you're safe here and again,

That looking around.

So if there's a lot of anxiety,

You might look around fast,

You might do some gentle,

But quicker body movements and just see if you can catch yourself in this in a way that brings it back down to being in the body and not so much in the mental head space of thoughts.

So that's that.

There's a lot there.

I know we can't really cover all the techniques and practices,

But the biggest thing I think that I hope you can take away from this is when you do wake up in the middle of the night,

Can you tune in to that pause,

Pausing and saying,

Okay,

What's actually occurring here?

Is there a lot of stress?

Am I in cycles of worry?

So it's a lot of the same practices of what you would do during the daytime,

Right?

Is to catch yourself when you're in some type of mental loops and thinking,

Or is it something physical?

Maybe there are,

And this is another thing that too,

That can wake you up in the middle of the night is some type of physical challenge or soreness.

And so with that,

You can bring slow breath and opening space to those uncomfortable parts within your body.

So that's a different type of practice that you can do to how to tend the soreness of the muscles.

And just seeing if you can bring spaciousness to it,

Essentially the loosening and breathing.

I have found it really helpful to imagine breathing into that space.

So if it's like my shoulders or my lower back,

Can I breathe in?

And you might even try this,

Just like loosening and opening and allowing a breath that is a compassionate breath,

Just bringing love and compassion into those spaces and bringing attention.

It's like,

Okay,

Yeah,

I hear you.

I feel you.

I'm noticing this tension.

And then maybe again,

There are some subtle movements that you can do.

Maybe it requires getting out of bed,

Going to the bathroom,

Doing what you need to do.

But then again,

Coming back and slowing it down,

Finding ways to slow down the body.

Again,

Not trying to,

And this is important here in these practices,

When you try to force getting back to sleep,

For me,

It doesn't work.

Maybe it works for you.

But you kind of have to let go of the mental ideas and expectation of getting to sleep.

So this is a real loosening up and surrendering to sleep,

Just allowing it to take you when it takes you.

But in that in-between time,

Before it takes you,

What can you do to tend to the different energies that might be here as you're awake and slowing them down?

Okay.

So finally,

I did want to share one thing when you're waking up in like the early morning hours and you still maybe want to be asleep,

But can you tune in to some of those times where it's actually beneficial for you to be awake?

If you're going through challenging times,

Difficult season of your life,

Sometimes I believe,

And I have found this to be true in my own life,

In my experience,

That the body wants to wake up,

Or maybe you call it the soul,

Wants to wake up and process something because it's in the really quiet hours.

And sometimes it's real clear.

It's real,

You know,

Maybe you're waking up from a dream that felt very insightful.

So the invitation is just to stay in the stillness of that.

So again,

It's a similar practice of going into like a deep meditative state potentially,

But you're still awake.

Can you use that?

So if you're waking up and again,

You don't want to be awake,

But you notice like something's here,

Not to like a necessarily a deep,

You know,

Emotional process that necessarily wants to occur,

Maybe that's true,

But just being with actually what's here in the early morning hours,

Like maybe it's inspiration.

Maybe it's some type of emotions that want to be processed.

But what I have found,

Because we're so busy and there's so much noise during the daytime hours,

Sometimes in those early morning hours is when it's actually quiet enough.

When our system,

Our body system is in a state where things can actually be processed or where inspiration can actually come through.

So that is actually an invitation to lean more into that.

And just,

Again,

Nonjudgmental awareness,

Curiosity,

Exploring,

Oh,

What's here right now and doing your best again to almost,

I would say,

Leverage that you might be still tired and you're in a,

You know,

The state where you're not maybe,

You know,

Fully awake,

That in-between place and just see what is there,

Where that,

And that's,

Honestly,

A real magical place to be.

And if you can maybe pause on those thoughts and feelings of,

I gotta just get back to sleep,

The resistance that might be there and just say,

Oh,

What's actually the opportunity that's here right now in these early morning hours?

And,

Of course,

This is gonna occur in the middle of the night too,

But I've found often it's in those really early morning hours when this type of waking up occurs where something kind of wants to just be gently tended to some emotions and things.

And so that's something you can practice.

Again,

Bringing the breath to what is here,

Noticing sensations in the body,

Keeping it slow and gentle,

And again,

The light's dim.

Maybe you journal.

Sometimes that can occur as you're being with this.

Maybe you're being with a dream and maybe you do get up and if you're able to go back to sleep,

That's great.

But again,

It's not forcing yourself to go back to sleep.

It's a gentle,

Allowing yourself just to be with the energies that are here and slowing down,

Slowing down,

Slowing down.

I know that there's so much that we could cover that we don't really have time in this shorter talk to address,

But the main thing is that I hope you get from this is that whatever the situation is that gets you up in the middle of the night,

And we really didn't cover,

There could be any number of things that wake you up in the middle of the night.

It could be an irritating neighbor.

So I've had that before too.

Driving down the street at midnight with their music blasting.

That can be very frustrating,

Right?

So it's like,

Can you catch yourself in the thoughts and implement the mindfulness and the meditation practices the best you can,

Find something that works for you to not resist what's here,

But also how do you kind of come down from that,

From wherever it is that has woken you up?

How do you gently tend to that?

And I think for me,

Just a critical thing is the pause and saying,

Okay,

Hold on,

What's occurring here?

And taking that sacred pause to recognize what's here right now.

I'm not gonna judge.

I'm gonna pause on being angry.

Well,

Maybe you don't have to pause on being angry at your neighbor,

Right?

That can be a frustrating,

That might be a conversation you have to have,

Right?

But in this moment where you're trying to get back to sleep,

What can you pause thinking about?

And how can you recognize what is here in your system?

So really,

Again,

Just tuning in,

Observing non-judgmentally,

Like setting aside the expectation to get back to sleep,

But just being here with the sensations in the body,

Noticing the thoughts and doing your best to come down into the breath and moving away,

Moving behind that entourage or waterfall of thoughts and coming back down into the body,

Moving gently as you need to,

And then coming back into a place of stillness and then sinking back into bed.

I hope some of that was helpful for you today as you consider how to navigate waking up in the middle of the night.

And I do hope that you will continue to be patient,

Give yourself grace and love during this process.

And I do wish you a restful,

Restorative night's sleep.

Thanks for joining me today.