30. The Freedom Of Surrender: How To Let Go

Not only is surrender actually a necessary and real part of life,

Even if you simply think about it logically,

It actually is a spiritual tool.

Surrendering,

I think,

Is the most freeing thing you can do.

I think the opposite of freedom are people who try to control every aspect of their lives,

End up feeling frustrated and alone and not like they're manifesting anything.

There is a beautiful universe around me.

There is this force that actually wants to enter into my life and not take away all the darkness and not take away all my challenges,

But help me manifest.

And the first step towards that is being willing to surrender,

To surrender to that process,

To surrender to life,

To those things which we cannot control.

True freedom occurs when you let go of things like taking things personally or letting go of what others think of you or letting go of the need to be perfect or trying to be something you're not.

Welcome to the Spiritually Hungry Podcast,

Episode 30.

What comes to mind when I say the word surrender?

Well,

The first thing is not something spiritual,

But as some or many of our listeners remember the Seinfeld episode with Serenity Now.

Tell us.

Where George's dad listens to the relaxation tapes and whenever something stressful happens,

He's supposed to say,

Serenity Now,

But instead of saying it,

He starts yelling it and it just leads to everybody being stressed out.

And angry,

I think.

Serenity Now.

So I don't think that really worked.

But I do recommend everybody,

One of our listeners,

If you haven't seen that episode,

Watch it or on YouTube,

I think they have clips of it,

You can watch it.

Serenity Now.

Serenity Now.

Well,

For some it might conjure up the image of a vintage Western film where the antagonist throws up his hands and lets the protagonist arrest him.

Do you think of a historic battlefield where one side realizes they've overpowered and put down their sword?

Or do you think of it as a loss or action born of failure?

So surrender.

This word suggests,

I think for most,

Giving up.

We give something away,

But surrender can be something quite the opposite.

It can be a beginning.

And I hope that this episode will inspire everybody to rethink the way they understand surrender is or what it looks like anyway.

We live in a constantly changing world,

A world that offers an unexpected experiences and events.

Friends relocate,

Adult children move out or they move back in.

Things,

Especially now during this pandemic,

Are constantly changing.

And as soon as we want to feel comfortable,

They go,

We've entered 2021 and go by the 2020 and we see some of the same things already trickling into this new year.

We're like,

OK,

Well,

Where is my sense of control that I that I really crave as a human that I really need?

It's actually interesting because on Instagram,

You saw all those posts were like because 2021 did not start so calmly that it was like,

You know,

They were hoping that 2020 would be the year of control,

I guess.

Yeah.

And that was the start a clean slate now.

So it can be unnerving.

I get it.

And I think that many try to control their lives by creating systems,

Lists,

Routines,

Rigid schedules.

I've done that.

You name it to impose a bit of order in the unexpected.

And the truth is,

I do love my routines.

I like a schedule.

I am a Virgo after all.

But the problem isn't in the planning and the organizing.

It's how we respond when life breaks our structured schedule,

Our carefully planned days.

This is when it helps to know how and when to surrender.

So surrendering doesn't mean giving up.

It means giving over your energy to what's within your control.

It means reacting in a way that supports your growth when life unfolds in unexpected ways.

And by the way,

Life always unfolds in unexpected ways.

It's being able to adjust in a positive way to unexpected events in our lives.

And most of all,

It means being flexible.

And that was a word that really took me a long time to live.

To be flexible is to be able to bend and curve and move with anything that's thrown at you.

So that's how I've had my dance with surrender.

And again,

2020 is a perfect example of all of our collective expectations of what it should be dashed away.

I spoke to somebody just yesterday and she said,

You know,

I had a vision board,

I had all these things that I wanted to do.

And then I had to give up on all of them because the year didn't turn out.

And I was like,

Well,

You really have to give up on that.

Maybe the way you thought they would play out for sure.

Yeah.

But everything,

You know,

As we said last week,

Energy is never wasted.

So what are your thoughts?

Well,

It's interesting.

I think that for me,

The foundational understanding around surrender is that,

Well,

First let's talk about what it isn't.

Right?

I think some of us might like to think,

Although life proves this concept wrong,

That if I'm able to control everything,

Then everything will go as I want it and then everything will be perfect.

The reality of life is that our part in all the important things,

Whether it's work,

Whether it's family,

Whether it's relationships,

Whether it's our spiritual development,

There's a part for us to play,

Of course,

Of course.

But the reality is that it's really a partnership between myself and you can call that other force,

The creator of the universe.

But that life,

Again,

And this is not,

I don't think this is a spiritual concept,

Although some people might see it as such.

Life is a partnership between yourself and the world around you.

And if you're honest and even if,

However many years you've lived and you look back,

Who controlled more of what actually manifests?

We're in the minority.

Our actions,

Again,

Not to diminish the importance of doing and planning and desire it,

But the reality of life is that my part,

And it only ever is a part,

Is usually less than 50%.

So if you begin your view on life.

.

.

So by part you mean your participation in.

.

.

Causing the effect.

What is revealed,

Exactly.

Right.

So my point is,

Even if,

Let's use a simple example.

Let's say a person opens up a lemonade stand,

Right?

And he or she wants to make money off that lemonade stand.

Of course,

They buy the lemons,

They make the lemonade,

They put up the stand,

They create the price.

They need now people who they do not control and cannot control to come and buy.

They need the weather to be nice so people would want to come.

They need.

.

.

There's a million and one things that even to put up a lemon stand,

Lemonade stand,

To make it work,

You need.

And I think,

Again,

Sometimes I think we don't spend enough time thinking about the way life works.

And sometimes we think,

Oh,

These are spiritual concepts and sometimes they are.

But for me,

This is not so much a spiritual concept as much as reality.

The reality of our world and our life in it is that in every even most important endeavor,

I only can ever be at most a partner.

So once you accept that,

Once you accept that life is a partnership between yourself and the world around you,

Then I would add a spiritual layer to it,

Which is this.

That there is a force,

Again,

We call it the creator or the light to the creator,

The universe,

That actually wants to support all the important things in your life.

Wants to support your relationship,

Wants to support you finding your soulmate,

Wants to support you being successful in business,

Wants to support your sustenance.

But you have to let that force in.

And if you're busy trying to control every second and every aspect of your relationship,

Of your business,

Of your life,

It's not just that,

By the way,

It's futile because you can't,

But you're actually creating a wall,

A barrier that doesn't allow that force of the universe,

Of the light to the creator to come in and actually make you successful.

So not only is surrender actually a necessary and real part of life,

Even if you simply think about it logically,

It actually is a spiritual tool.

Well,

This is interesting because I think we need to rewind just a little bit for some of our listeners.

For most people,

They don't necessarily feel the creator's hand in all of those aspects of their life.

In fact,

I hear the phrases a lot like,

I'm unlucky,

Good things don't happen to me,

I'm undeserving.

So if you go through life with that belief system and then life mirrors your thoughts because you're only focusing more on the negative than seeing the opportunities,

You will feel very lonely in your pursuit of happiness.

And unlucky maybe even.

And unlucky even.

So I think we need to go back a step of what because,

And we've talked about this a little bit,

But I think it's really important to keep honing in because I want to help people get from the space of feeling all alone and the creator being something up above or where we've come from or where we're going to go back to.

But I don't think many see it as a partnership.

And I know for me,

It took me a really long time to be able to live that.

As a child,

I felt that.

I felt completely one with the creator.

I felt like I was aligned with something so much bigger than myself.

So every part of my day,

I had the creator in my thoughts.

And then I went through a period of time,

I think it's called puberty.

What happens in puberty?

It's like that inside out,

Right?

We just watch with the kids again.

Puberty.

And they're like,

That button's not really important.

They didn't know what it meant yet.

And then you make a series of choices,

Mostly hormone infused.

But then I came back to the space of really understanding.

And by the way,

I only got back to that place even once I found spirituality again at 17,

But I only really understood what it was to surrender and to be a co-creator with the creator once I went through really difficult times because I had no choice in those moments.

And I'll share it a little bit later today,

But I would like to just talk about how if people never felt that before.

For me,

It was kind of a rediscovery,

But some people really never,

They felt they came from an abusive home.

Maybe they were abandoned.

People have crazy stories,

Right?

So the only thing they knew was to rely on themselves.

What I would say though is still,

If you're honest with yourself,

Control is something you cannot have.

You've never had it.

Right?

I mean,

That's the reality.

Again,

Like I said,

You don't have to be a spiritual person to accept the fact that we do not have control.

We shouldn't.

You know what they say?

Like,

You know,

The only certainties are death and taxes.

The reality is we,

It's just silly.

It's not,

Again,

Not unspiritual.

It's just silly for anybody to try to live a life that is controlled.

Forget it.

Forget it.

Again,

As I said,

And again,

For me,

That's not- Well,

You'll be disappointed every day all day because you- It's impossible.

Exactly.

Again,

You want to fly,

Right?

Great.

It's just not going to happen.

You can keep desiring and forcing.

Can you imagine?

It's almost to me like the person who says,

I am going to fly every day of my life,

Right?

And every day they jump off one floor,

So they don't kill themselves,

And they keep on getting frustrated.

That's what life is going to be like unless you accept first.

And then,

By the way,

And it's funny,

Not so much funny,

But recently I was talking to somebody who lost a close family member,

And we were talking about the different members of their family and how they dealt with it.

And this person who has a spiritual system,

And he's really growing and- Practicing.

Practicing in that way.

He was one experience,

And we were speaking about another member of his family that does not.

And what is left then,

If you don't add the spiritual layer to it,

Is that darkness,

Right?

And that's true of many things,

But it's certainly true of if your view of the world is you accept the reality that I cannot control life because that's just a fact,

And you don't add that layer is that there actually is a benevolent force trying to help you,

Trying to help you,

But you have to actively allow that force in.

And by the way,

Surrendering,

I think,

Is the most freeing thing you can do.

I think the opposite of freedom are people who try to control every aspect of their lives,

End up feeling frustrated and alone and not like they're manifesting anything,

Right?

And then they feel like,

Oh,

You know,

I mean,

That's a great paradox of control.

The more you relinquish it,

The more freedom,

The more control you actually have,

Right?

So by trying to hold on to every aspect,

You get the opposite outcome.

Yeah.

And I do actually,

Because you mentioned,

I think,

An important point,

And I'm sure there are some of our listeners,

Although probably people listening to this are at least spiritually awakened.

Like you said,

Unfortunately,

We have- I'm sure they're awakened,

By the way.

It's the practicing of it that's difficult.

Right.

But even like what you said before is that there are people who really feel life has never gone my way.

And there's a theoretical physicist that I really like,

And I'm probably going to get his name wrong,

And feel free to email us and correct me.

I believe his name is Frank Wincheck,

If I'm not mistaken.

He's a scientist at MIT.

And he speaks about the beautiful universe.

And interestingly,

He was asked a few years ago in his beliefs,

Right?

And you often,

Scientists,

They see science as contradicting spirituality.

And so initially,

He came out as an agnostic.

And then afterwards,

He said that it would be more accurate to label him a pantheist,

Which is,

Again,

And this deserves its own conversation,

But that idea that there actually is a beautiful universe around us.

And even if,

And unfortunately,

There are many people who have experienced hardship and pain,

And by the way,

This is a note to selves,

This probably should be a conversation we have about why is it that some people go through life one way and others go through life another way.

It is true that not everybody has the same challenges.

Although everybody has challenges,

Some people are uniquely challenged in what comes into their lives.

And I think that as it may,

What I would say to somebody like that is,

Even if you want to study science,

There is a system,

There is an order,

And I would add,

There's a benevolent force out there.

And as my father would often remind us,

Consciousness is everything.

If you live life with the constant thought,

The world is against me,

Nothing ever goes right for me,

There's just pain and suffering,

You are actually helping to create.

Again,

We are all responsible to some degree or another,

But you're actually helping to create that reality.

And what I hope from this conversation,

Our listeners will,

Especially if they're in that consciousness or experiencing some type of hardship,

Say,

Take a step back.

There is a beautiful universe around me.

There is this force that actually wants to enter into my life and not take away all the darkness and not take away all my challenges,

But help me and manifest.

And the first step towards that is being willing to surrender,

To surrender to that process,

To surrender to life,

To those things which we cannot control.

A thousand percent.

And I think one of the first tools in being able to do that is to practice being flexible and pivoting instead of resisting what can't be changed.

So often people spend so much time trying to change the unchangeable.

So much energy spent on regret,

On blame,

On anger,

Disappointment,

And they ultimately have no power to change the situation,

But they have significant impact on how you feel and how you experience life.

So that's like the first thing,

Which I think if you hold yourself to that,

It's a pretty easy shift and pivot to create,

But you got to hold yourself accountable.

Right.

Yes and no.

And so again,

What I love about this is that it's so purely logical.

And I remember we have a friend,

A very dear friend who whenever we have conversations and I would ask,

Well,

Were you worried?

And he would say,

Well,

Worrying doesn't do anything.

So it would be just a waste of time.

And obviously I think all of us- We know that.

We know that,

Yet we worry.

It's almost as if we can't control that.

And also as it relates to trying to not surrender,

Right?

And it's funny,

Yesterday I actually had this experience.

I was in the car and I actually got a text from you.

You mentioned something and it bothered me.

I wondered how you received that.

I actually felt that energetically by your response.

Yes,

Because I responded right away.

Yeah,

You don't always respond right away.

This was something that bothered me.

And then I literally was so happy I was driving,

I couldn't,

Because I really wanted to get an answer to a question that I asked around.

And I remember,

As I'm sitting in the car,

I said to myself,

In the big scheme of life,

This is so inconsequential.

And how funny is it that I and you and we,

All of us,

Are almost hardwired to take the upset of the moment or the worry of the moment or the thing that isn't going as we think it should be going in the moment.

And suddenly that takes up all of our thoughts.

You can viscerally feel it in your body.

How silly is that?

Well,

That's where the letting go aspect of surrender comes in,

Right?

And that's exactly what.

.

.

So I'm sitting in the car and I said,

You know what?

Regardless,

And by the way,

It's an issue that we did have to deal with.

It's not that we did have to deal with,

But take this as an opportunity to surrender.

So literally I sat there saying,

Let the focus go off this thing that's bothering you right now.

Just surrender to it.

By the way,

You were responding to an emotional reaction that you had to something you heard that was upsetting.

Was it urgent,

Immediate,

Something you had to deal with right away?

Absolutely not.

You giving energy to it and all of that,

Would it have changed any outcome?

Absolutely not.

So I think that if we're able to separate our emotions,

Again,

Trying to control,

How could this happen?

Why is it like that?

And it's this need to control the outcome.

And we just stop and say,

This is information and I'll deal with what I need to deal with,

But I'm just going to trust.

I'm going to trust the process.

And I think that the idea of letting go is really scary for people because what do they have to let go of?

Right?

I mean,

You can look at it as physical things,

But I want to talk about something I think a little bit deeper because true freedom occurs when you let go of things like taking things personally,

Right?

Or letting go of what others think of you or letting go of the need to be perfect or trying to be something you're not right.

If you think about that,

How much time is spent for most people in those areas?

And by the way,

These things that I just said is what leads us to hold on to situations,

Right?

Information,

People,

Right?

It's never about the situation.

It's how we feel about it.

So again,

If we challenge these feelings that we have,

Because this is where letting go,

I really think begins and ends ultimately.

Letting go of taking things personally.

That took me.

.

.

My moon is in cancer and I didn't realize how much I did that until it was pointed out to me by many.

That means nothing to all of our listeners who don't know anything about astrology.

Well,

We have covered.

.

.

Yes.

Another topic for.

.

.

Yes,

It is.

But very sensitive to matters of the heart.

Letting go of what others think,

Obviously of me or what I do.

Letting go of the need to be perfect and letting go of trying to be something you're not,

Which is living somebody else's version of what you should be or ideal of what life you should lead,

Right?

When you no longer care about these things,

Then what are you trying to control?

The way that you're viewed,

The things that you have.

I remember this really rung true for me,

Especially when Josh was born.

I have no shame about it because I feel like I'm an open book and I really learned from that because it was right in my face.

I remember when he was two or three months old and he has Down syndrome for those who haven't followed us intimately.

I went to a coffee shop and he was in the stroller and I ran into somebody from high school.

I actually remember this story.

I was in my mind.

I'm like,

Oh my God,

I hope that they can't notice that he has this or that he's different because then they're going to judge me and look what came of my life and that I'm a bad person and that's why it happened.

This was the loop in my mind,

Right?

It was so negative and it was so loud that I stopped right there in that moment and I was like,

This is not who you're going to be.

This is not who you are and this is not how you're going to live your life.

It was the beginning of the chipping away of this freedom of surrender,

Of letting go of what people think,

Of what they think I should be,

Of how I should live my life.

It was really the place in which everything else that happened followed that thought.

It was that powerful.

I know for me,

I'm sure for you,

This is still,

None of us are perfect in this.

Life is a journey of surrender.

Correct.

By the way,

We'll still have those moments,

But they'll last maybe 10 minutes or they'll,

Depending on what it is,

Right?

Whereas before it would define me.

It would really speak on who I was in a whole big scheme of things.

I'm probably getting this story wrong.

I'm not sure I should be repeating it.

Then you probably shouldn't.

Remember,

We were in Central Park a number of years ago and there was some story.

Yeah,

I know the story.

But what do you want to say with that?

I don't remember.

I don't remember.

But I don't think it has anything to do with surrender.

I can tell the story.

I'm sorry.

That was more about,

I mean,

It's a good story.

I'll share it if you want.

No,

I don't remember.

I just remember it just came to pop into my mind as you were talking about that story with Josh.

That was more about intuition.

But we'll save that story.

Okay.

But what I do want to say is that- Maybe our listeners should actually write those things down and look at their lives and say,

Okay,

Where do I feel like I need to control these aspects of my life?

And essentially,

Because there are two categories and I always like to use that,

People use the 80-20 rule,

I would say 90 and 10 rule,

Which is there's 90% that we're trying to control that it's just silly.

I mean,

Like you said,

I mean,

Of course,

In the moment it felt completely real.

By the way,

I don't even know who I ran into.

I can't even remember it.

You know what I'm saying?

It wasn't even- You certainly couldn't care less today what they do- No,

Because I could care less,

Right?

It was just this like,

Oh my God,

I've been found out.

It was like that kind of thing.

And we all have those moments.

Like,

Okay,

For me,

I had that yesterday.

This is the 90% or 80% where if you're really honest with yourself,

You're just being silly.

Now,

Again,

We are all being silly very often,

But I think it's important to categorize that part.

Then there's the 10%,

Matters of health,

Life and death,

The really important aspects.

And that is obviously much more difficult to surrender about.

But there actually is a correlation between the two.

And this is something that I often speak about,

That life is meant to be a process of learning to surrender.

And you have to practice it.

You have to practice it all the time.

And the way you practice it is on the silly stuff,

Like I did yesterday.

And the reason it's so important to practice it on the silly stuff,

Or again,

To what at the moment feels very real and important,

Because you and I and every single one of us are going to be tested in our lives,

Come to places in our lives where we have to be able to surrender in the most challenging times.

And what's the net effect of surrender?

Well,

Like I said before,

It also allows light in,

That universal benevolent force in,

Which can actually make things better.

But it allows everyone of us to live a more peaceful life.

But unless you're practicing all the time on the 80% silly stuff,

You're never going to have the strength of the 20% real stuff.

And again,

Yesterday I was at a funeral of one of our friend's mother.

And they shared a very powerful story.

This is somebody who had many challenges.

She faced a lot of hardship in her life.

And one of her greatest fears,

I think,

And this is not uncommon,

Was the fear of death,

Of disease and death.

And it was told that she would wake up with a cold and she would call her sister and say,

Oh my God,

I'm dying.

And that was throughout her life.

And then about two and a half years ago,

She was diagnosed with an inoperable tumor.

And she calls her sister and she says,

I just came back from the doctor and I'm going to die.

And her sister was like,

You know,

Of course in shock.

And then she said,

And I'm okay with it.

And again,

Without me personally knowing what process she went through in life that brought her to be able to accept it like that,

Really one of the most important things we need to learn in life is to surrender.

So I would strongly ask our listeners,

Practice surrender in the silly stuff or in the stuff that you can objectively with perspective realize is silly.

You have to do that because not only will you live a much more peaceful life,

Not only will you allow more of light and that energy to come in to make things better,

But you will also be practicing for the really important times that surrender will allow you the ability to learn,

Having learned to surrender,

Allow you to meet all of life's challenges,

Even the significant ones with equanimity,

With peace.

Yeah,

It's such a great example.

I have found that too.

I think that when we never flex that muscle,

Then when the really big things happen,

We're so overwhelmed and terrified,

Quite frankly,

We just don't,

We don't know how to do it.

And I want to read actually a little section from.

.

.

But sorry,

But we're given opportunities every day.

All the time.

To learn.

In such small ways.

Most of the ego doesn't want to surrender at all.

And again,

I think that for most of our listeners,

We can just look back at last year,

How much of it was spent not accepting the reality of where we were versus saying,

Okay,

This is what it is.

I'm going to make the most of it.

And what's the silver lining here?

Where are the gifts that I can find?

So I wasn't really one again to be on the surrendering side.

I was more on the control side.

And three months after we had Josh,

I got pregnant with Miriam.

So I was terrified throughout the pregnancy,

But I went in it with like,

It's going to be different.

I kept speaking to her while she was in utero.

I'm going to deliver you with ease and grace was my mantra over and over again.

So this is a section of actually what her birth was like and how I really learned to surrender in that moment.

And that really has been for me a life changing moment and to be able to live in this more space of flexibility,

Of freedom,

Of surrendering.

Miriam true to her form had other ideas and labor stalled.

My plans for a natural birth were once again dashed as the medical team administered a dose of Pitocin,

An aid in inducing labor.

I thought I knew very well what pain was after my first two laborers,

But that drug is like a train cutting through you at maximum speed.

I'm sorry to all those women out there who have not yet given birth.

The pain and all the men who never will.

That quote,

They say that if men had to give birth,

Humanity would be extinct.

Yes,

I do know that one.

I agree with it.

The pain was blinding.

Almost immediately they gave me something else,

Something that made me feel serene,

But also fuzzy.

I looked to Michael.

He was distracted and his eyes were filled with concern.

He checked my monitors intensely and the anesthesiologist was throwing things off shelves at a frantic search for something.

In my state of mind at the time,

I found that amusing as if I were watching a film.

Later I was told that my heart rate and my daughter's heart rate had dropped dangerously low.

At this point through the haze of medications,

I was at a place that I felt like it felt like a dead end and that I had found a gentle clarity.

I knew that the assistance I needed was going to come from somewhere far greater than a doctor,

Anesthesiologist,

Or hospital.

I looked up from my hospital bed to the ceiling and I whispered to the creator,

I'm yours.

And I surrendered to you completely.

I trust you.

Whatever should be,

Should be.

I didn't want to leave this world that day,

But I was ready for whatever was meant to be.

I felt total certainty and trust.

Surrender is not about giving in or giving up.

It's the act of not knowing an outcome and putting yourself in the hands of the creator.

I am yours.

It was the first time I experienced true surrender and it was the most blissful feeling of freedom I've ever felt in my life.

I was no longer attached to anything.

I wasn't ruled by anything and I wasn't fearful of anything.

I just was.

It is the purest,

Highest expression to which we can aspire and it is available to us in every single moment.

Two minutes into my surrender,

Miriam was born.

That was a very stressful moment for me.

I was out of it,

Yeah.

I remember after.

It's always like,

You know,

It's like whenever you're either flying or with a doctor,

You never want to see panic on their face.

It's okay if you're panicked,

Right?

But when you,

I remember I was,

This is slightly related,

I was in a helicopter once and we were taking off and we were in a lot of fog.

And usually pilots,

Especially helicopter pilots,

Are very,

You know,

They're very peaceful and sort of in control.

Confident.

And you know,

You're wearing those headsets as you're in the,

And you can hear what they're saying to the tower and to the people around them.

And suddenly as we're taking off to the fog,

Suddenly I hear the pilots say,

Oh no.

Oh God.

You never want to hear.

So they said that's analogous to what I was feeling when I saw the doctor really,

Really panicked and trying to get something to inject.

But I think,

You know,

Like you said,

That I think an effect,

And now it's many years later hopefully,

You know,

Even more,

But an effect of living a life where you're actively surrendering to the process,

Actively surrendering to that benevolent force that's around you in the real times,

Right?

In the real times you're able to do it and really experience peace even then.

You know,

I've shared this,

But.

.

.

But real peace.

I mean,

Real comfort.

I never felt so at ease in my whole life,

Really.

Many of our listeners know that my mother left this world a number of months ago.

And for me,

One of the greatest testaments to her spiritual state and her spiritual life was that even in the last few months,

When it was clear that medication wasn't working,

That the chemo wasn't working,

That she was.

.

.

Not only was she at peace.

She was actually joyful,

Which is crazy if you think about it logically.

And most powerfully,

The moment that she left this physical world,

I was in the room with her,

And it was one of the most beautiful and powerful moments I've ever experienced in my life.

And there is a teaching where they say that really life is a process of learning how to die.

But certainly life is a process of learning how to surrender in the most challenging times.

Wait,

Can you explain that?

That- The death part.

Life is a process of learning how to die.

Because there are people,

Unfortunately,

Of course,

That as they are facing their physical death,

They are filled with pain and fear and panic,

Which is of course understandable.

I mean,

That's of course understandable.

But imagine,

And this is what's I think so beautiful and inspiring,

Imagine practicing this process of surrender throughout life so that even in those moments,

An individual is at peace and even possibly joyful.

I think maybe for many of us,

That's a far distant thought even for it to be possible.

But if you live your life surrendering,

Then that ultimate surrender becomes at least easier.

So whether your inspiration to practice surrender is just to have a more peaceful life now,

Or as we said before,

To allow that benevolent force around you that's trying to make things better in or ultimately to be able to know that even at the most,

What for others might be the most painful time can be a peaceful time,

Can be even a joyful time.

I would add one more element to this in that we are always getting messages.

This is something that in life,

There's messages coming to us all the time.

They can be coming from people.

They might not even know what they're saying.

They could be coming from situations.

The Kabbalists ask the question,

Well,

If there is this voice,

They literally call it a voice that comes to you and to me today.

Well,

How do you hear that voice?

How many people might not talk about crazy people?

Who knows,

Right?

Who's saying they're hearing voices?

But there is a direction that is coming to you and to me every single moment of our lives.

And unless you're surrendering,

Unless you are coming from that place of humility,

I do not control,

Cannot control everything.

And I am accepting and actually desiring of this greater force to help me navigate where life is meant to take me.

Unless you're in that place,

You won't hear the messages.

Therefore,

I think probably one of the greatest gifts of surrender is that you are actually opening yourself up to be able to receive the messages that are coming to you.

It's so true.

And as you were saying,

I wasn't going to share this,

But it reminds me of then when I was pregnant with Abigail.

And I wanted to try for a natural birth for if I thought the fourth time would be the charm.

Third time didn't work exactly as I wanted.

But I remember that there was a certain time on Shabbat where it's a prayer for healing.

And I remember closing my eyes and I started to cry and I started to hear this message.

And it wasn't my voice.

I wasn't hearing other people's voice.

It was a message from the Creator,

Loud and clear.

And the message was,

This is not about you.

It's not about your body.

It's not about your pain.

It's not about your labor.

It's about the child.

It's about how she wants to come into the world and her experience.

And you are just a channel of what she's going to travel through you.

And I remember in that moment,

I felt so one with the Creator and I had planned for this birth.

I thought,

Well,

I talked about this.

It's going to go.

And I remember you telling me at the time,

I support you and I support your birth plan.

But if it doesn't go that way,

Let's be okay with it.

I said,

No,

I'm completely not invested in any outcome.

This is what I visualize.

This is what I hope.

But because at that point I was full in surrender mode still.

And when she came,

I want to find this part because it is in my book.

I wrote,

In life we fight discomfort,

But when we embrace the uncomfortable things,

They pass much more quickly and pain is an energy that can be converted.

Pain is a force.

It's strong,

Overwhelming,

Even debilitating.

But when we take this great force and use its strength for our designated outcome,

In this case,

Bringing a child into the world in a peaceful way,

Pain is converted to power.

It may seem as if you can save yourself the pain by avoiding difficulty.

We often fight uncomfortable things.

We fight our process and we fight our circumstances.

I tried to do just that for many years.

Next time you find yourself in emotional or physical pain,

Don't try to go around it or avoid it.

Work through it instead.

I never said a single word during the eight hours of labor,

Six of which were at home.

The first words I uttered when she came out and was placed upon my stomach were,

I'm so proud of you.

What a great job you did.

You're strong and healthy and beautiful and I love you.

I wanted the first word she ever heard in her life to be how great she is,

Powerful,

Beautiful,

And complete.

And I want to skip to the last part.

By the way,

Any one of our listeners who has not yet read Fears by an Option,

Please go right away to actually at the end of this podcast,

Actually you can pause until right now and order your copy of Fears by an Option.

It's an amazing,

Amazing book.

So I'll skip to this last paragraph of the chapter.

No energy is ever wasted and in life,

In a nutshell,

It's just experience.

We can draw on what we've gained no matter what we have learned,

Where we have learned the lesson,

Whenever we need it.

You'll begin to see that everything in life prepares you for something else if you're paying attention.

With Miriam's birth,

I fully trusted the creator.

However,

With Abigail's birth,

I not only trusted in the creator,

But I was one with the creator.

I felt like his worker doing his work.

So I think that when you start to surrender,

The next step is then you become a co-creator and it becomes so clear that you do hear the messages,

That you're able to act and you feel like it's not even your hands that are doing the work,

But it's the creator's energy through you,

Right?

You really become this channel,

This being and everybody can get there.

Beautiful.

It's interesting.

Today,

As I was preparing for this podcast,

I was sitting in this room and the sun was shining and I was looking to my left,

The window is to our right,

And suddenly I saw this shadow fly across the room.

Oh,

Interesting.

You didn't share that with me.

Yeah,

No,

No.

So at first I thought there was something happening on the left side on this side of the room,

But then I realized it had just been a bird who had flown on the right side.

I thought you were going to say you have a little ghosty friend here.

And the shadow,

Maybe that too,

But the shadow is what I looked on the left.

And suddenly the thought came to me because I took it as a message that so often in life we spend time when we don't surrender focusing on the shadow,

We actually never get to experience the reality.

And I think one of the thoughts that inspires me about the need to surrender,

And this is why I would ask our listeners to surrender every day as often as you can,

Is because rather than spend life focused on the shadows,

You actually get to see reality.

So let me ask you,

Since I've shared my experiences with surrender,

Do you recall a time where you had to really surrender and just be all in?

Well,

Yesterday in the car was one example,

Right,

That I shared.

No,

I mean like- Or even something- Significant.

Yes,

And I would say that the significant ones are ones where it's not just one time you surrender.

You surrender and then you have to surrender again.

So I shared this that a number of years ago the organization that I run,

The Kabbalah Center,

Was going through challenges,

All kinds of challenges,

Financial challenges.

And it was something that was really weighing on me.

And as that was happening,

Whenever we do something important,

It's not just about the situation,

You always try to be learning from it,

Growing from it.

And I knew that for me,

A great part of that was being able to surrender.

You do everything that you can,

At the end of the day you surrender.

And so what I would say is that that was a time like that for me where I knew that regardless of what I needed to do on the physical level,

My personal spiritual work was to be completely okay,

No matter what happens,

This happens,

Or that happens,

Outcome.

But what I would add to that is that I know for me is that it wasn't okay,

You decide once,

Surrender,

Done.

You surrender and then next day or next week something else happens in that arena and you need to surrender again.

And it's that constant practice,

Even on the important things,

That allows you to really come to a place of peace.

Come to a place of peace,

Not just in that situation,

But also in the most important parts of life.

I kind of feel like you surrender and surrender and surrender until the surrendering doesn't feel like surrendering anymore.

It just feels like part of who you are.

Like I said,

You're operating on a different level,

In a different realm,

Like that experience with Abigail.

I didn't feel like I was surrendering.

I felt like I was completely co-creating.

It's something you can't seven.

But that's the highest level,

Right?

But then I'm sure you would agree that- Yeah,

I have opportunities plenty.

Plenty.

All the time.

All the time.

And that's the beauty of life.

You realize it's one of the most important,

And it's empowering.

But I draw on that experience all the time.

I remember that.

Obviously,

It touched me enough.

I wrote about it in a book.

So those moments,

I'm like,

Okay,

I know what the goal is.

I've tasted it.

I've felt it.

I've touched it.

And I think it's really important,

Because you asked this in the beginning,

That when you begin practicing surrender,

You will find it to be one of the most empowering aspects of your life.

It's empowering aspects of yourself,

Because you really become,

Like you said,

Less caught up in the shadows,

Less caught up in the silliness of life.

I know we have a letter you want to share.

I just want to,

On this last idea of surrender,

So many people associate the word surrender with docility and defeat,

Believing that by giving up,

We give something away.

The opposite is true.

So we touched on this,

But I just really want to hone in again.

Rather than looking at surrendering as negative,

See it as the beginning,

And a way that you've decided to create space for yourself.

Some things are important and can be impacted by your energy and efforts,

And thus it should be pursued with every bit of your ability,

But others not so much.

If you can't change it,

Consider surrendering it.

Surrendering means refocusing your energy on what is within your control and letting go of what is not.

It means reacting in ways that support your growth when life unfolds in unexpected ways.

Beautiful.

Serenity now.

We've got a beautiful letter.

Yes,

We got a letter from one of our listeners,

And as I always remind our listeners,

We are very much inspired by you sharing your experiences with this podcast and with the wisdom that you get from it.

So continue to send in your stories,

Questions,

Answers,

Corrections,

Feedback to Monica and Michael A&D,

Michael at kabbalah.

Com.

We will share as many of these stories and questions,

Answer as many questions as we can throughout the rest of the podcast.

So this is the email.

Dearest Eminem,

I like when people call us Eminem.

We always do that.

We sign off Eminem.

Thank you from the base of my soul for this episode's exceptionally beautiful teaching via your podcast.

The past two years of my life have been the most mistake-laden years of my life.

This is on the podcast episode 29 on the illusion of perfection.

I took steps to change the world and it has been the most terrifying debacle of my life to date.

Yet I know I'm on the right messy path.

What a paradox.

The drama of being gifted in intellect,

Body and spirit accompanied by a life's mission of helping others has been great throughout my life.

I'm a world-class ballet dancer and classical singer as well as being smart enough and conscientious enough to have a full scholarship to study neuroscience at one of the finest institutions for that discipline.

I have always driven for perfection in everything I've chosen to pursue and in some people's eyes have achieved it.

Perspective is so funny like that.

It turns out that this perfective bar was set by others and what I found is that I never actually wanted to do anything perfectly.

I just wanted to play and enjoy my gifts.

However,

I lost that sense of joy and exploration in parentheses,

The paradox being that when I'm just playing,

People observe me as doing something perfectly.

When jealousy from others overtook the work I set out to do in this life.

I'm sure that this isn't particularly clear.

By the way,

I think it is very clear,

But I wanted to share because I'm embarking upon a new road with my soul.

I suppose I could say we finally come to terms with each other.

My ego wants to please,

My soul wants to learn,

Understand and alleviate the ubiquitous suffering within humanity.

It turns out to be a very messy mission,

But with the creator at the helm,

I'm finally learning to let go.

Love and light,

Joe.

That's so nice.

So beautiful and thank you,

Joe,

For sharing this with us and allowing us to share your story with our listeners.

I hope that as Monica and I and our listeners find inspiration from you.

So I hope our listeners enjoy this podcast as much as Monica and I enjoyed recording it and please make sure to keep going to Apple Podcasts,

Writing reviews,

Five star reviews,

Wherever you get your podcasts,

Share this with friends and family.

As I said,

We are overwhelmed by the amount of people who are listening to this podcast,

But of course we want to reach more and more people with hopefully this inspiring wisdom and information.

So make sure you share it.

Make sure you write reviews.

Make sure you write all your stories and questions and comments and complaints.

No,

Not so much complaints to Monica and Michael,

And Michael at kabala.

Com.

And we look forward to sharing with you again next week.

Serenity now.

Bye.

Bye.