82. Redefine The Limits: 8 Ways To Live A Bold & Fulfilling Life

I think living boldly first starts with a knowing of the self,

An acceptance of the self,

A love of the self,

And being able to express that without apologizing.

I think when you live life on those terms,

Then you are bold,

And then your impact is also bold.

Welcome,

Welcome,

Welcome to the Spiritually Hungry Podcast,

Episode 82.

Live from London.

Live from London,

And I believe this was your recent resolution of sorts,

The topic of living boldly.

We were out to dinner with a couple recently,

And you shared that,

And then the husband of our friend said,

Well,

You've married a bold woman,

Didn't you?

And I didn't start out like that.

So I love this concept,

And I love where we're going to go with it.

Yeah,

For me,

As Monica said,

It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

I think about this,

I think often,

But certainly lately.

And there's a teaching from Ravash,

Like the founder of the center,

That for me is fundamental in everything in life.

And he says that if you stand in front of a piece of wood and you hit it a thousand times lightly,

A million times lightly,

Chances are nothing is going to happen.

In order for something to break,

You have to hit it once with all of your force.

And I think as we think about it,

And I'm talking for ourselves and hopefully for all of our listeners,

Everybody here as well,

That difference between putting 100% effort in everything all the time,

As opposed to putting an 80% effort most of the time,

Is what separates an individual who will actually achieve what their soul came into this world to achieve and those who won't.

One of my favorite verses from King Solomon,

The wise man,

He said that most people live an almost life,

Almost life.

And that word,

Kimat,

Again in the original,

Is something that scares me.

And it should scare all of us because we have so much to do,

Every single one of us.

And so much more to experience from our relationships,

From our work,

Certainly from our spiritual work.

But unless we are constantly living with the mindset of boldness,

Then unfortunately,

We can come to the end and realize we lived a good life.

We did good things,

But not great things.

That we lived a life that was,

Again,

I'm assuming everybody listening,

Everybody here in the room,

We're all good people.

We wouldn't be listening to this if we weren't.

But it's not about being a good person.

And it's not even about doing good.

The question has to be,

More importantly,

How can I live boldly?

Which means,

How can I invest more effort,

More energy into all areas of my life?

Because then and only then can I be sure that I'm actually accomplishing the purpose in which my soul came into this world.

And maybe more importantly,

Experience life in a much richer,

Fuller way.

So I'll challenge you off the start.

Go for it.

I don't think it's just about effort.

I think it's about putting your whole self in.

Because somebody can put a lot of effort into making a pie unless they researched what the best thing is or they know their taste and their flavors or if they're allergic to gluten or whatever the case may be or dairy,

Then they can put their whole effort in,

But they're going to be disappointed with the outcome.

I think living boldly first starts with a knowing of the self,

An acceptance of the self,

A love of the self,

And being able to express that without apologizing.

I think when you live life on those terms,

Then you are bold and then your impact is also bold.

Absolutely.

I agree.

I don't disagree.

I will just say,

And I do think this is so important,

That every single one of us can find if not many areas,

Certainly a few areas that are important to us,

That we are not living boldly.

And even if we have the information,

Even if we have the understandings,

Too often we're not living every part to its fullest.

I would say as a general rule,

Most of us,

Most of the time,

Are not.

So let's start with what being living bold means to me.

So living a life where you go for the things that you want,

Where you live on your own terms,

Where you frame your own narrative,

You don't let other people define your limits.

You define your own limits and you don't have many.

You say what you mean,

You set boundaries.

All the areas of your life are working and working together in balance,

Which is really hard to attain,

But you can do it.

You prioritize your needs and desires.

You dare greatly.

You love greatly.

You don't make decisions based on fear.

You seek out the things that you find enjoyable and you enjoy them to the fullest.

You have vision and you believe in both your own power and your power to positively impact the people around you in the world.

Now based on that list,

It seems almost impossible to do all of those things,

But I can say if you start and you slowly chip away,

When you gave the analogy about the wood,

But I can tell you I didn't rupture my tendon by one swift move.

It was wear and tear over time.

I do think that if you start to chip away at the things that limit you,

Especially the negative false belief systems,

The illusions that we have,

I think that's the beginning of living in a bold way.

And I know I shared this in our last podcast,

But I think the quote really is good for this one as well.

Theodore Roosevelt said,

It's not the critic who counts,

Not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,

Who face is marred by dust and sweat and blood,

Who strives valiantly,

Who errs,

Who comes short again and again,

Who at the best knows in the end of the triumph,

The high achievement,

And who at the worst if he fails,

At least he fails while daring greatly.

Now who doesn't want to be in that arena?

Yeah,

And I would say that unfortunately,

One of the aspects,

And we have the opportunity to meet many people,

Many people here tonight as well,

That one of the axioms is that unless you are actively going through what makes you uncomfortable,

What scares you,

There's no chance,

And doing that consistently,

There's no chance of living your best life,

Living the life.

.

.

You're always reading my notes over my shoulder.

Oh,

Yeah,

I'm sorry.

I was going to say it's about discomfort,

But okay.

Right.

So before taking up too much of what you were going to say,

I would just say simply that the path to living boldly,

More importantly,

The path to living the purpose of our soul,

The path to happiness must go through relatively consistently what makes us uncomfortable,

What we fear,

What we don't want to do.

And it's not just about the first leap.

It's not just choosing discomfort.

It's about every day doing things that scare you,

Taking the road that's more difficult.

It's choosing that over and over again because when you live a life of discomfort,

You actually are able to see the world through a new set of eyes.

You see things,

You experience life in a different way.

It's kind of like all of your senses come to life again because you're putting yourself in an area that you don't know,

That you don't control.

You don't know the outcome.

You have to be vulnerable.

It's a bit scary and you could be rejected.

And it sounds terrifying and horrible the way I've just described it.

But the alternative is that you live a life where you're in the almost,

As you said.

It's safe.

It's okay.

It's not amazing.

It's not bad.

It's better than most.

But you're never really going to be happy in that space.

And you're really also never going to discover the purpose of your soul and your true potential.

And I think what I would add to that is that your soul will not let you be happy.

So often people don't even know why they're unhappy,

Why they feel unfulfilled.

And the answer is relatively simple.

Because your soul knows what you might not consciously know.

Your soul knows that it came into this world to do very important things.

And your job is to discover that in a lifetime.

And unless you are discovering that and living that,

You can be successful in many other areas and you can have success,

Whatever that looks like or feels like.

But your soul will not be satisfied and then you will never be satisfied.

So as I often like to say,

Even though we put it forth as choices and decisions,

The reality is that if you want to live the most fulfilling life that you're meant to live,

It's not really a choice.

Because your soul knows and your soul will not be satisfied,

Will feel uneasy unless and until when you are pushing yourselves in the way that you need to in order to fulfill your soul's purpose,

In order to fulfill your soul's purpose in this world.

What's so interesting,

Often when I speak with couples and I meet with different people,

They have all kinds of notions about what a happy relationship would look like.

Don't rock the boat,

Don't say things too much,

Just hold your tongue.

And for me,

It's just like what is the point of any of it?

If you're not fully able to show up for yourself and to express yourself and also hear what the other person has to say because you're afraid that things will get uncomfortable,

You're never going to be happy.

It makes no sense really if you think about it.

I wanted to ask you,

What does it mean for you personally to live boldly in your life specifically with great detail and facts?

Again,

The true answer is a more general answer.

No,

That's exactly why I said very specific.

I'll get into details,

But first I want to tell the truth and then.

.

.

And then lie to us.

No,

No,

No,

Then go a little bit deeper.

So for me,

And I hope I'm expressing this clearly enough for everybody here and our listeners that there isn't one area of my life that is important.

There is in one area in the lives of those listening that cannot benefit from living more boldly in it,

Living more intensely in it.

And so for me personally,

What it means,

And I try to think about this every single day,

Sometimes a few times a day.

So basically what you just said,

There's no downside in trying to live boldly.

Not only is there no downside,

I would go so far as to say that we lose so much every single day by not doing that.

And actually,

I'll give a small example,

And this is from your life.

That's from my life,

Of course.

Of course it's from my life.

So I think it was two or three Saturday nights ago we went out on a date and we were finishing our date and Monica.

.

.

Great place in New York,

By the way.

What was that place called?

I think it was called The Nines.

Really awesome,

Yeah.

And then Monica noticed the couple next to us and she noticed many things about one of Monica's gifts.

She knew everything that they wanted to date,

That she knew their signs.

I did.

All that,

Right?

So Monica's like,

You know,

I want to go over there.

I wanted to see if I was right.

But also to share a little bit.

And I wanted to connect with them.

I did.

And then I think many people,

Myself included,

Would be like,

You know.

.

.

No,

I said to you,

You can wait by the door.

Just stop at that table.

Which I did.

I said,

I don't want to make you uncomfortable.

I'm going to go over there on our way out and I'll meet you at the door.

Because,

And I think this is the lesson here,

Even though this is a small example,

That I think often the fear of living boldly is fear of rejection,

That I might get hurt in some way.

Because if we went up to that table and they said,

Excuse me,

Miss,

Why are you interrupting us by having a conversation?

I would imagine that would not have felt great for you.

But I told you,

I said,

I don't care if they think I'm crazy or not.

If they do,

Fine.

If not,

I think it's a chance to connect.

Because I got to the place now,

I don't really care.

Exactly.

So,

But the point is,

You went over them and you were right about their date,

You were right about their signs.

And what did you say,

Which I thought was really beautiful?

I said a lot of things.

No,

At the end you said,

You said,

There's something here.

There is some,

I said,

There's something here.

And if you end up together,

Find me.

I don't know if I told them my name,

But it was like,

This,

This has all the makings of what should work.

Right.

And my point is,

And who knows,

Right?

Because one of the beautiful aspects of the life that we are,

Have the merit to live is that we often get feedback,

Positive feedback,

People saying,

You know,

You gave a lecture three years ago in the Philippines and you said this one thing and it influenced me in this way.

Every single one of us has that ability.

Every single one of us has that ability.

And too often we pull back for different reasons.

Often I would say egotistical reasons of not wanting to get hurt and so on,

Or maybe it's not being conscious.

But the bottom line is that this is the choice that we should be making all the time.

Back to your question.

But by the way,

The reason I think that I don't care anymore is because I spent a lot of my time being hurt in life and I was playing it safe all those years and I was getting hurt anyway.

And so for me it was like,

Okay,

That's a fact of life.

So I rather discover what happened.

Like let's talk about it.

Let's have a conversation.

Why did you feel the need to say that to me or about me?

And I don't,

You know,

I'm already feeling rejected.

So there at that,

When you really look at life in the big picture,

It's going to happen anyway.

So why not put yourself out there?

So maybe you can learn something from it.

Maybe it was a misunderstanding.

For me that is so elevating,

So purposeful.

But just to answer your question.

About what it means to live boldly for you.

So on a daily basis,

I will make a choice,

Make many choices.

Somebody reaches out to me,

I don't really feel like answering them back.

I'll push myself to do it because who knows,

Maybe in this moment,

What I say or a conversation will be significant.

Somebody,

You know,

Any type of opportunity that I have to interact,

Even though naturally I might be too busy or maybe to me it might seem unimportant in the moment,

That constantly that thought,

You want to be happy?

You want to live the purpose of your soul?

Live boldly.

Which for me means grab every single opportunity,

Push yourself.

And again,

The good news is,

As I would say,

Is that the more you do that,

And I can guarantee this,

You will actually be happier.

But more importantly,

You'll actually be doing what your soul came to this world to do.

And also,

If I could just add,

I think that,

You know,

You taught me,

It's interesting,

It sounds almost like a contradiction.

You know,

Sometimes you see things and people ask you and you don't,

You hold back and I'll say,

Why didn't you tell them?

Like,

Well,

They didn't really want to know what I had to say or they weren't ready to hear it.

So I think there's a fine line between giving the space and really a person desiring to hear what you have to say.

But then other times,

I think it's the fact that,

Well,

They did ask whether they fully wanted to hear the answer or not.

And you saw something,

It's important to put yourself out there.

And whether they accept it or not is up to them.

So I think you're doing that more actually,

Since you made a commitment.

Yes,

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

As you're saying very clearly that often my nature is not to say if I think it might hurt somebody.

But clearly,

If somebody is coming to me asking different types of questions,

I need,

Because as I said before,

Because it is against my nature,

I do need to be going outside of myself and sharing things that they might or might not want to hear,

But for the purpose of trying to help in some way.

Because and again,

It's not because of what influence it might have,

And hopefully it will have a positive influence on them,

But my soul needs that.

And again,

I just want to go back to that original point.

If you realize that your soul needs it,

It's not really a choice anymore to live boldly.

It's a mistake to not make the constant choice to live boldly,

Because your soul again will not be at peace,

Will not be satisfied.

You will therefore not be satisfied unless you're doing everything that you can to push yourself to live in this way.

Well,

The funny thing is the things that we try to avoid in life,

Like being vulnerable,

Facing our fears,

Living boldly,

Saying what you think,

You can't really hide from that because they're happening anyway.

And if you keep trying to protect yourself from the experience of it,

You're just going to be stuck.

And that's why so many people that come to us,

That come to the Kabbalah Center,

The number one thing is I feel stuck,

Or I don't have clarity,

Or I don't know what to do next.

So I would say the number one thing is don't avoid the things that are hard.

To really live a fulfilled life means you need to do hard things.

Yeah.

The only caveat I would say is that unfortunately,

Even though you said there's no reason or way to do it,

Unfortunately,

You do often see too many people live a life,

But I would say almost,

Where they didn't say the things,

Where they didn't have those conversations,

Where they didn't push themselves.

It never ends well.

It certainly never ends in the way that our soul desires are to end.

So I want to talk about five key areas of discomfort that we must embrace to live boldly.

So the first is to know that our egos are in direct opposition of our desire to live boldly,

Right?

Because for all the reasons we just said,

It's uncomfortable.

We have to be vulnerable.

Ego does not like any of these things.

So the first is bold people ask questions without fear of the answer.

So back to what I alluded to earlier is that there was a time in my life where I still get a lot of unsolicited feedback,

But it was negative,

Right?

And before,

I would make assumptions,

Which we do,

Where we ruminate about it,

Or how can I fix this?

What can I do?

And we get stuck in this.

How many people have lost sleep over that person said this to me?

Why did they say it?

And what I started to do,

If I felt judged or misunderstood,

Or even heard something,

A rumor about me,

Something negative,

I will go up to the person with kindness and curiosity and say,

Hey,

I heard this thing.

And I really want to know why,

First of all,

Did you say it?

And if you did,

Why?

I'm really curious about it.

Because for me,

Again,

I'm not invested in the outcome or the opinion,

But I'm invested in removing space,

Right?

And I can tell you every single time it's been successful,

Because again,

I'm not trying to convince anybody of anything.

It's just getting information and choosing to do something with it or not.

So I'd say that's number one.

Yeah.

On the ego,

I think,

Again,

It really deserves focus.

Because when we say on the one hand that we will never be satisfied,

Our soul will never be satisfied unless we're consistently living boldly,

The reason,

There's only one reason that encompasses all the other reasons why we don't do that.

And the answer is the ego.

Whether it's because I feel that I might get hurt,

Whether it's because I feel I'm too small to do that,

All the 101 answers that we give ourselves why I'm not going to do that,

Why I won't push in that way,

Why I won't take that chance,

Is all ego.

And it's important to understand that while it's a beautiful concept of living boldly,

There is a powerful force,

A powerful force stopping us every single day.

And that's why,

As we often say in our podcast,

It's not about hearing this tonight or we're hearing this on the podcast and say,

Oh,

Nice,

That does nothing.

Unless you accept and understand that there is this,

It's not really you,

But I will call it an internal voice and force.

That works against you.

That is working against you.

That is trying to make you small.

That's trying to make you doubt yourself.

That is trying to make you not live boldly.

Unless you're aware of the fact that before you woke up this morning,

That voice was there.

And throughout your day,

It's going to tell you things.

And it's going to make you doubt and it's going to make you fear.

And it's going to make you not do that.

Not make that phone call,

Not send that text,

Not do that action.

It's not free.

You can't just say,

Oh,

I'll live boldly.

Nice.

That's a nice concept.

I'll live my life that way.

There is a force that is constant,

That is not more powerful than us,

But just as strong in our mind.

And that is the ego.

And you have to accept that.

And once you accept that,

Then you understand that it's a daily battle.

So today,

I had 20 opportunities to live boldly.

I took 10,

12,

13.

I fought those battles great.

Tomorrow,

Brand new.

There is this constant battle.

We have to accept that there's this internal voice called the ego that is diminishing us in every opportunity,

That is telling us not to walk over to the next door table,

That is telling us not to push ourselves in ways that we know can benefit us.

And only knowing that enables you to overcome it,

To choose,

And to push.

Because again,

To put it very simply,

When you have this choice,

Hopefully you have that choice,

And the voice is telling you no,

When you realize that that is the voice that is trying to keep you small,

That is the voice that is trying to keep you almost.

I must push against it.

That's not me.

It's certainly not for my benefit.

And it's a constant battle.

But it's the most important battle and certainly a worthwhile battle.

I think everybody in the room tonight and our listeners should look at your day to day and what opportunities did you have to live boldly?

And what did you choose to do?

Did you act on them or did you try to ignore them to really pause and think about that?

The second one is bold people don't let other people criticisms derail them.

And we spoke about criticism in our last week's podcast.

But avoiding criticism is easy because basically you say nothing,

You do nothing,

And you essentially are nothing,

Right?

Because there's no movement in that.

So don't let people's criticisms affect you.

I would go so far as to say,

And it is similar to what we were saying in last week's podcast,

Unless people are criticizing you,

Then I'd be surprised if we're actually accomplishing something in our life.

One of the most important indicators,

And again,

It has to be mindful because some criticism is helpful and we do need to change.

But if there's no criticism at all,

Not likely that we're doing anything important.

Now,

It doesn't have to be 100 people.

It could be one person,

It could be five people,

It could be 10 people.

But as I mentioned this again.

.

.

No,

You want to be criticized.

Yes.

My father would often relate that his teacher told him that when you leave this world,

If you say,

Everybody loved me,

My father would say his teacher told him that was the first ticket to hell.

Because if you're doing something,

Certainly something boldly in this world,

There must be opposition.

So one of the questions I think important to get in front of everybody is that.

.

.

Well,

Opposition is number four.

We're on criticism.

Oh,

Sorry.

Yes,

Yes.

Okay,

Unless there's at least one person in the world criticizing you,

You're probably not living boldly.

And don't you find that criticism is interesting?

Because sometimes,

Like now I'm like,

Oh,

Okay,

Well,

If that's the worst they can say or that's what they.

.

.

Like,

Oh,

So what is that?

I mean,

It's informative on some level.

Of course,

You have to be at a place where you can hear things and discern what's true for you or not,

But I think it's interesting.

Yes.

And number three is bold people take the risk of being vulnerable.

And vulnerability is considered a weakness.

And I remember a lot of the feedback I got when I wrote Fears on an Option,

Wow,

You're so vulnerable.

And I was like,

Wait,

Did I say anything?

I was really like that.

For me,

It's like saying I have brown hair or brown eyes.

It's not.

.

.

Because I really believe that anything that I have lived,

I'm good with and I'm comfortable with and therefore,

I feel comfortable sharing it and to help people.

But when you talk about vulnerability,

It sounds horrible,

Right?

You're putting yourself out there for being able to be criticized and ridiculed or rejected or whatever because you're putting it all out there.

But here's the thing,

Vulnerability is not a choice.

You're vulnerable every single day of your life,

Whether you accept it or not.

So why not lean into it and allow yourself to be seen?

And those people who can't see you for who you are or what you are probably shouldn't get a lot of space in your mind.

Absolutely.

But I do think not to underestimate how scary it is to be vulnerable.

At first.

Right.

At first.

And then it's like,

Again,

It's just not even.

.

.

It's just,

You know,

My hair is brown.

Right.

But again,

This is something for many people,

The thought again,

For example,

Even simply it wasn't a big deal of going over to that next table,

Right?

Making yourself vulnerable,

It can be scary because of rejection,

Because of the potential for rejection.

For example.

.

.

I wasn't scared.

You weren't scared.

I know,

But a lot of people might be scared.

I don't know if I'd be scared.

I'd be uncomfortable.

But for instance,

I'll give an example,

Even answering your question from a few minutes ago.

One of the things that I do is I tell people I love them.

And sometimes,

You know,

You could think,

Well,

What if they don't love me as much as I love them?

But again,

I think in life you want to take those chances.

Do you ever feel like somebody is not going to say they love you back?

They might not mean it.

Again,

I don't really care.

I don't really care.

But I am mindful of the fact that if I feel love towards somebody,

Express it.

And if they don't feel it,

Good for them or bad for them,

Whatever that is.

My point is that I think we all,

You less maybe than most,

Appreciate the fear of vulnerability.

There is certainly fear.

But again,

You get to a point,

Hopefully,

By practicing boldness through vulnerability,

That you're okay with it.

Because,

And this is,

You know,

And we'll get maybe to it a little bit later,

But I've shared this before,

But as many of you know,

Many of our listeners know,

We've shared this,

My mother left this world over a year ago.

And one of the greatest,

She gave me throughout her life and certainly when she left this world many gifts.

One of them is,

Again,

The simple phrase is,

If it's not important,

Who cares?

And that idea that,

Yes,

By being vulnerable to more and more people,

Making yourself more vulnerable,

It's very possible,

Likely,

That you will be rejected at times.

But I'd rather live a vulnerable and bold life than not have those experiences with all any and all rejection that might come with it.

You're going to be rejected anyway,

Right?

And I think that,

I think that this is the thing,

I think vulnerability gets harder and harder when you go through life trying to seem perfect,

Trying to never fail,

Trying to have people love you,

Looking for approval.

So if you're trying to make all these things like and hide the past and cover,

So vulnerability is,

Is it's impossible really,

Right?

So I think it really starts with that understanding that all of those things are necessary for a quality life.

Brene Brown said this,

I liked it.

She said,

Vulnerability is not winning or losing.

It's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.

And by the way,

We never have any control over the outcome.

Vulnerability is hard and it's scary and it feels dangerous,

But it's not as hard or scary or dangerous as getting to the end of our lives and having to ask ourselves,

What if I would have shown up?

What if I would have said,

I love you?

There you go,

Michael Berg.

Number four,

Okay,

Bold people love the opposition.

If you're doing great things in the world,

There will be obstacles,

Opposition and competition.

Living with boldness,

We will find that not everyone is supportive and that's okay.

And it's interesting as I,

You know,

I know this and I've accepted it and I've learned to appreciate it,

But every now and again,

It's like,

Oh my God,

Does it have to be so hard and then I remind myself of this truth.

The more you're trying to do in the world,

The more you put yourself out there,

Which we do,

You will be attacked or you will be rejected or you will be criticized even when it's not fair and that's okay.

Yeah.

I would say it's interesting related to that point and the point before,

There's a famous Irish poet,

John O'Donohue,

Who I really like and he writes a lot about beauty.

But one of the things that he said,

Which I thought was very important and it's always true that when you think about death,

It makes life hopefully clearer.

And he writes about,

Before he became a poet,

He was a priest and he would be with people as they were leaving this world.

And he noticed for so many of them how they've changed even in the last week.

Yeah,

That's what he asked.

So he was asked,

Why do they change?

Because they realized that the way they lived their lives up until then,

Being strong,

What they thought was strong,

Invulnerable,

Stoic,

Is not going to help them get through this last week.

And therefore they completely transform.

And I think what we're saying is all of us should take the opportunity to live boldly today because it might be that we realize it seven days before we leave this world.

Let's realize it now.

There is no other path and yes,

There will be criticism and there will be opposition,

But there really is no other way for us to truly live.

That's so interesting what you just said.

They realize there was no other way to get through that week.

And that's the thing.

In the illusion of our world,

We're like,

Okay,

I'll get through it because I'll bulldoze through it or I'll drink every night or I'll be aggressive,

Whatever it is.

And we can get away with that to a certain extent for most of our lives.

But in that last week,

A real truth comes,

A truth that you cannot deny.

You cannot escape,

Cannot avoid.

You cannot convince.

You cannot discuss with that you have to lean into.

And that that knowing,

Unfortunately,

Unless you really do some of the things we're talking about tonight,

You know,

You just don't know until you know.

And then there's not a lot of time.

Absolutely.

Better to learn that lesson years before than in the last seven days.

Well,

I want to say that two stories with opposition.

One is when I started studying Kabbalah when I was 17.

I got a lot of pushback from some members of my family and I was,

Again,

So young.

And they were studying Kabbalah,

But for them,

It was more of a esoteric wisdom.

So when I was like all in with like the fields and I'm like,

This is everything.

And I found my purpose in life.

They're like,

Wait a second,

You're a kid.

And this is just a heady intellectual wisdom.

And we had Friday night dinners and every Friday night,

This was the conversation,

Monica,

You don't know what you're doing.

You don't know what you want.

You're doing the wrong thing.

And an uncle was a psychiatrist.

We had like people in the room that like they could use different.

And I remember it was just hard.

It was really,

Really hard.

And I get frustrated and I couldn't articulate myself properly.

So then I tried.

At first,

I thought that didn't work.

Then I was silent.

That didn't work.

And then I realized that I needed that opposition because I was 99% sure at that time that Kabbalah was my path.

And when I had that epiphany that,

Oh,

There's an opening here and that's why they can keep speaking.

And then I realized I don't need to say anything.

I just need to close it in my mind and not allow that space anymore.

I never heard another word.

I don't know if they said another word.

I don't think they did.

I think everything ended,

But it just that was the end of it.

Another story is Abigail and I,

When she was our youngest daughter,

She's eight now.

So when she was five,

Leap came out.

It's a great little film.

And there's a song in it called Blood,

Sweat and Tears.

And she asked me what it meant.

So I loved the question.

And I said,

Oh,

Well,

It means when you really try very hard,

When things were difficult and you persevere through something.

So for instance,

When you try so hard to – and she was learning to ride a bike then.

So it's very appropriate to ride a bike and you fall and you scrape your knee.

There's blood.

And you put so much energy and effort into it that you're sweating.

And it's so hard that you're crying.

It's the blood,

Sweat and tears.

But when you do that,

You're going to get through and get to the other side.

And it's purposeful.

You'll be bold.

And she said,

But what happens if it happens all at the same time?

If I'm bleeding,

Crying and sweating,

How do I make it stop?

Which I thought was adorable.

But the point is,

Is that it's really that idea that we need that,

Right,

To be bold.

We need to have those experiences that are really difficult so we know what we're made of and we don't give up.

Absolutely.

And if I can say that one of the thoughts that certainly drives me and I hope,

Again,

For everybody listening,

The fact that we know – or we don't know,

I would say more importantly – that what my soul came into this world to do,

Nobody else can do.

That not only the world today needs my unique light if I manifest it boldly,

But that the history of humanity needs it.

That's a big thought.

And I think,

You know,

Most of us see – almost all of us – see ourselves as much smaller than we have the potential to be.

And if you wake up every morning and you remind yourself what my soul needs to bring into the world today,

Nobody else can.

And there is a need for it.

And I am so much greater than I see myself now.

And you know,

There's many,

Many instances of this in human history,

But really the greatest leaders that really changed our world,

They always began from a place of thinking that they were too small.

I'll give two examples,

Two of my more favorite ones.

Most of us know the story of Moses,

The biblical Moses.

And when he was first chosen to lead the millions and millions of Israelites out of slavery into redemption,

He begins with the thought,

I can't speak properly,

I'm not the right person to choose somebody else.

He had a stutter.

He had a stutter,

Exactly.

He really,

He saw himself as too small,

As we all do.

One of my other – and of course we know – he became a great leader,

He pushed himself,

He had a lot of opposition,

He had a lot of criticism,

But nevertheless he transformed the history of the world.

Another great soul that inspires me is Jeremiah.

And again,

When the Creator says in the prophets,

Speaks to Jeremiah,

Jeremiah says,

I'm only a young man.

And the verse in the original is,

Don't say you are young,

Don't say you are small,

Because I see you as a great soul.

And I think the biggest mistake,

The biggest mistake that every single one of us makes every single day is not appreciating how important our impact is today,

How important our impact is for the world.

And unless you have that as a constant thought,

You might not have the powerful enough impetus to push yourself to be bold.

And therefore I hope,

Again for myself and for our listeners,

That this thought,

Maybe I don't have clarity about how great I can be,

But I have certainty that I am,

Whatever I see of myself,

However I see myself is so much smaller than what I have the potential to be.

And I have to live boldly today because even though I don't necessarily see it completely,

I know my soul's light,

My purpose is important for the world in not just right now in this moment good,

It's necessary and impossible to be achieved by anybody else.

And certainly that speaks for people day to day when they're having a hard day.

It's hard to imagine that you can be great and bold when you feel small,

But even on your best day,

It's nothing compared to what you could be.

So the fifth one is bold people don't worry about who likes them,

Who doesn't,

Which we kind of touched upon,

But some people are just not going to like you.

That's okay,

Right?

We're not for everybody,

Nor should we be.

It's not like one size fits all and really shouldn't be concerned about it.

But if we go back to the list at the beginning,

If you're living life on your own terms,

Saying what you mean and prioritizing yourself,

Some people are going to have a problem with you.

Of course.

If everybody has a problem with you,

You might want to pause and consider that.

But not everybody's going to like you.

And there's a doctor and a psychologist,

His name's Ben Micaëlis,

Who gives us this goal.

If about 85% of people you meet like you,

You're probably doing something right.

In contrast,

If much more than 85% of the people you meet like you,

You're probably doing too much to get along.

Now 85% sounded really high to me,

Actually.

I always think like 20% kind of like me and I'm okay with the rest.

I like you.

I like you.

I'm sure everybody here likes you.

But by the way,

That's the thing.

When we hear something negative,

That's all.

And we think that,

Oh my God,

Everybody thinks that.

The worst thing we've ever heard,

We assume 60% of the population,

At least I do,

Thinks that,

Right?

But all of this is an illusion.

None of it really matters.

And like you said,

It doesn't even matter.

Doesn't matter.

But I think it is a good rule of thumb,

Right?

But 85% is high.

Don't you think?

Yeah,

Yeah,

Yeah.

85,

I don't know what to say.

Okay,

It's been high.

Maybe.

Maybe 15 people out of 100 people you meet,

Maybe.

But it should be more than 50%,

Let's say.

More than 50%.

But more important than that is the other side of that,

Which is that there aren't people who are not happy with what you're doing,

Then you're probably not doing enough.

You're probably not pushing yourself enough.

So we have some.

.

.

I have so much more content,

But there's a few more things I want to get to and then we have some questions.

And then maybe we'll have a part two on boldness.

But I do want to ask you a few questions.

I know how you love those.

I wouldn't want to strip you of that experience.

I hate for you to strip me of that.

So can you share any very deeply personal,

Uncomfortable stories of realizing when somebody disliked you?

Did it shock you?

Did it confuse you?

And did you feel like it was your responsibility to make them like you?

Dig deep.

Dig deep.

Well,

Again,

I have to go back quite some time.

Really?

Just kidding.

Unless anybody else wants to share here or send us an email.

Oh,

No,

No.

Somebody who did not like me.

Should I be the question again?

Well,

I'll try.

I'll try.

No,

No,

I would say I think one of the.

.

.

Certainly growing up,

As some of our listeners might know,

My parents founded the Kabbalah Center and what they were doing was very unpopular.

And that,

Of course,

Bled into my friends at school.

And it would often come up.

As a matter of fact,

This is probably the best example.

When I was in eighth grade,

My eighth grade teacher was an old friend,

Ex-friend of my father.

They grew up together.

And he was not happy with what my father was doing,

Popularizing Kabbalah,

Bringing it to the masses.

So he really didn't like my father,

Who he never saw,

He hadn't seen in 20 years.

But of course,

I was in his class every single day,

So I was the one.

So I can't even.

.

.

I mean,

I can go on,

But literally every single day there was something that he did or something that he said that then at recess I had to explain to my friends,

You know,

The few that remained.

But the point is no.

The point is no.

I did share it throughout with my father,

But I think intrinsically growing up,

And maybe it's different than most people's experience with parents who are doing something important,

That is clearly unpopular,

At least in some circles.

You learn that it's important to do the important things and to care less about everything else.

Did you try to hide yourself though a little bit at that time when you felt like your teacher was picking on you and your friends?

Honestly,

No.

I really didn't care.

That is why you were like shy for a little bit.

I don't think so.

I think it was shy by nature.

But no,

But I think that I took it as a given and that continued on for a number of years.

And I think they really implanted within me that clarity.

Do what's important.

Be bold about it.

They are going to be who will oppose you for it,

And that's fine.

And I don't care less.

Okay.

Do you want to ask me the question?

No,

The truth is you live,

I would say,

A bold life.

It's always the thing.

You enjoy confrontation.

No,

I enjoy conversation.

Conversation,

Yes.

That might be at times confrontational.

It's often,

Sometimes we go out to dinner with people,

We'll have a conversation with people,

And you go out for the first five,

Ten minutes of niceties,

And then Malika comes in with a deep piercing question that doesn't always make everybody comfortable,

But often leads to much more fruitful dinners.

Really?

What?

Yeah,

I mean,

If not,

It's a waste of time,

I think.

Yeah.

Well,

Yeah,

The first person I realized really didn't like me was my sixth grade math teacher.

He hated me.

I don't really know why.

Really?

Yeah,

Really didn't like me.

It was you being bold.

I think so,

And he was not comfortable in his skin at all.

He was really,

Really not.

And I think that,

Like,

I don't know,

Maybe I looked at him like,

I know that you're just,

You're not living it.

And he,

And it was just the way he taught and he came out as like confident.

I think I probably just looked him in the eyes like,

This is not,

You know,

But he picked on me.

It was the worst year.

I hate math.

And then and actually I wore this at the time.

My sister,

I used to steal her clothes and I'd wear them under my clothes.

And then I'd take my clothes off when I got to school and wear her cooler clothes.

So she had this T-shirt of Nancy Reagan.

I don't smoke marijuana,

But she was on the T-shirt.

And this teacher,

The math teacher,

Dragged me by the shirt to the principal's office,

Just anything he could do to pick on me.

Like it's not my shirt,

It's my sister's.

Anyway,

I got in trouble.

The second time I really realized I was just,

In fact,

I was bullied for it.

I don't really talk about that much,

But that was also around that time because I moved from New Orleans to Beverly Hills in the third grade and it was such a different experience.

And for many years,

I was just not happy there.

But this one girl,

Leah,

She,

We were friends.

And then she hated me.

I mean,

She terrorized me for a good two years.

And it's interesting that even at that age,

I realized what it was,

Which is funny.

I only realized it years later,

Right?

But I went to her house once to hang out and my mom came to pick me up and her father went to the car and was flirting with my mom and her parents weren't happily married and she blamed me.

So she bullied me for years.

I didn't connect it till years later.

But so I don't know,

I think the fact that I'm able to like not take it.

I mean,

It hurt.

It hurt.

Both of those stories hurt.

I felt rejected.

The pain of it,

I felt there wasn't much I could do to fix it.

But I was able to say,

OK,

This isn't really about me,

Even though they're making it about me and they're saying horrible things.

It's not really because I didn't mean just breathing.

Like I either have to deny myself that or just say,

OK,

Well,

What else could it be?

And because I kept asking the question,

I was able to see the truth.

So I think it's actually really a powerful tool.

Yeah.

Last thing before we get to questions.

I want to share.

No,

Last thing before we get to my next point.

I'll get a question.

Well,

I was going to share.

There's this really interesting book by Clayton Christensen.

He's a professor.

He was a professor at Harvard University,

Amongst many other things.

And he wrote a book called How Will You Measure Your Life,

Which I find very,

Very important.

And he says,

How will you or how do you?

How will you?

How will you?

And he's very encouraging because he wrote this book in 2010,

During which he was diagnosed with cancer.

And then he actually lives another 10 years.

But in the book,

I do recommend it.

It's called How Will You Measure Your Life?

And I think it's always better to take these questions ahead of time than wait till later.

And he says,

He puts down three things that every person must do in order to live boldly,

I would say,

Or more importantly,

To live a life that their soul is meant to live.

And he uses,

He says,

The three words are likeness,

Commitment,

And metrics.

Likeness,

Commitment,

And metrics.

What that means,

This does deserve a greater discussion,

But I do recommend,

Again,

If this is important to you to read that book.

Likeness means imagining the person you are meant to be,

Whatever that is,

And actually writing it down.

He actually writes that he would spend,

When he was a Rhodes Scholar,

He went to Oxford University,

He would spend nights,

Every night from 11 to 12 o'clock at night,

Thinking about,

Meditating upon what his likeness should be,

Which means what should he become over the next 50 years,

70 years?

And it's important for all of us really,

You know,

It's all,

Unfortunately,

It's a cliche almost that we live day after day after day,

Not often enough taking that step backwards and looking and planning.

So he says,

If you want to know how you get to the end,

Living a bold life,

Living a life that you're meant to live,

First of all,

Create that likeness.

How many of us actually have that?

So it's the ideal self versus the actual self.

Exactly,

Exactly.

What am I going to be in my perfect,

What am I going to be if I live the next 50 years boldly,

Number one?

And the next is commitment.

If that's my goal,

What do I need to commit to doing on a consistent basis?

Like we spoke about,

To become that person?

And number three,

Metrics.

How do I count that?

And one of the things which is foundational to Kabbalah,

But also foundational to what he writes and how will you measure your life,

Is the fact that at the end of the day,

Our life must include the influence we have on others.

And the question is,

Is that one person whose life I improve a week,

A month,

Whatever that number is,

But there must be numbers attached to the commitment and to the likeness.

And he says,

And this is based on also research,

Unless you have those three things on a consistent basis,

Meaning a maybe evolving view of the likeness of the perfect you in the ultimate state and a commitment to do what you can and must do to achieve that,

And you have metrics,

Some sort of numbers that you attach to that commitment,

That you attach to becoming that likeness,

Then unfortunately a person can live their lives and at the end,

Unfortunately,

Say wow.

You know,

There's so much more that I wanted to do,

There's so much more that I should have done.

Rather than get to that point,

Let's make sure we're investing the time to create,

At least in our mind,

That likeness now as we exist now.

Yeah,

If not,

You kind of just float through life.

So in conclusion,

I think many people equate boldness with being forceful and thereby a little insensitive at times.

But there's no inherent conflict between living your life with boldness and integrity and also being kind.

You trust the universe and ultimately it always has your back.

And here are a few examples of extreme levels of boldness.

Harriet Tubman leading enslaved people to freedom on the Underground Railroad.

Rosa Parks refusing to give up her seat on the bus.

Joan of Arc facing harsh criticism and burning at the stake for her beliefs.

I mean,

That's a little extreme.

Anne Frank hiding from the Nazis.

The police and firefighters who rushed into the burning towers on 9-11.

The people aboard Flight 93 who prevented the terrorists from attacking the U.

S.

Capitol.

These people embody living boldly at its finest and they all have one thing in common,

Their desire to be of service to someone,

A mission,

A cause,

A person beyond themselves outweighed any fears they may have had.

And I think that's a really important point that we're kind of just brushing through right now.

They each faced major challenges,

Even the threat of death,

But they acted selflessly anyway.

What desire do you have for good or to affect change that is greater than any fear?

And I think that's a really great question to ask yourself in starting to live boldness.

What is bigger than you?

Because you,

The you,

Not the magnitude of who you can be,

Not the potential of who you can be,

But the you that goes through life playing it safe.

And there are some examples of everyday acts of courage that I'll give you.

A young child who decided to befriend the unpopular kid at school,

Risking losing their own coolness to offer friendship.

A young adult who decides to pursue a career path aligned with their soul's desires despite their parents' lifelong conditioning of them to be or do something entirely different.

Ending an unhappy marriage despite fears of how it will affect the kids or what it will look like.

Being somewhere completely foreign and embracing all the new things you'll have to do and learn along the way.

Choosing to forgive someone even though you feel vulnerable to being hurt again.

Asking someone out even if you're afraid of being rejected.

Asking for a promotion or a raise even if you question your own value.

Standing up for yourself.

Living boldly is not reserved for heroes.

We learn about in history books.

We can live boldly every day and in doing so inspire others as well.

And if I can just add one more thing.

You always do.

That sometimes it's confusing to say living boldly and we think how many people does that mean to influence.

Again I know you and I of course our desire is to reach millions and millions of people and we have the ability to do that.

But sometimes living boldly means influencing one person.

And I always use the example some of you most many of you might know the story but my father in 1962 met his teacher and his teacher did live boldly and he did do many great things.

But in truth his legacy and impact on history is the fact that he influenced one person.

My father his student and then my father and my mother influenced millions and millions of people.

So sometimes it's a mistake to think about quantity.

You know I need to do something that reaches 10,

000 people,

100,

000 whatever that number is.

No.

If you live boldly consistently there might be just be that one person whose life you influence in some way and that is enough for your soul,

That's enough for your purpose.

So I think it's important not to get stuck on what that means quantitatively.

I need to live boldly because that's what my soul needs,

That's my soul desires,

That's the only way I'll be happy.

How that manifests if it's one person that influence who then changes the world,

Whether it's a hundred people or a thousand people that's less important than the constant choice that I make to live boldly.

Well it always starts with one,

Always.

So on that vein of being bold do you want to sing a song with me?

No.

Michael if not I'm just gonna read it alone.

You should definitely read it alone.

Because I think you have a better voice than I do but let's sing it together.

I don't know what song we're talking about.

Maybe our friends here can join.

They might not know the song.

I know you know the song.

It's Forever Young by Bob Dylan.

I don't know the words.

Oh I'm gonna help you.

Okay here you go.

So anybody please.

Okay let's all be bold.

Sing with us.

May God bless and keep you always.

May your wishes all come true.

May you always.

Because why are we singing this?

I really think these words are the epitome of what it is to live boldly.

I'll sing,

I don't care.

And if you want to criticize my voice go right ahead.

But can you at least start with two thank you.

No humming is actually distracting.

Try to sing with me.

May God bless and keep you always.

May your wishes all come true.

May you always do for others and let others do for you.

May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung.

May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous.

May you grow up to be true.

May you always know the truth and see the light surrounding you.

May you always be courageous.

Stand upright and be strong.

May you stay forever young.

One more.

May your heart always be joyful.

May your song always be sung.

I'm really proud of myself.

I never sing publicly.

May you stay forever young.

Well this was fun.

I really like the lives.

Usually the kids are running in the yard with our dog and stepping in poop and I'm distracted and this is just much much better.

As far as we know nobody here stepped in poop.

So we've kind of ended and then we'll start with questions.

Yes hopefully we have many questions from our bold audience.

But as always we hope that you enjoyed listening to this podcast.

Continue to send your questions,

Comments,

Topics to monicaandmichaelatkabala.

Com.

It inspires us for topics and questions on this podcast and it inspires our listeners as well.

But now we take the opportunity to ask any and all of members of our audience to come up with any questions,

Songs you want to sing.

That would be nice if you have a nice voice.

But if you want to make a karaoke night.

I definitely shan't sing.

Can you help us understand how to find out what our soul wants from us?

Well that's a broad question.

I think that.

He wants you to listen to it.

He wants you to listen and he wants you.

Revashov often says that the light of the creator never gives us anything that is sort of a nice to have.

The light will always give us what we desperately need.

He uses the example,

You know,

Imagine a poor person comes up to you on the street and he says you know can you lend me you know 200,

000 pounds for you know a beautiful car.

Of course you're not going to give it to him.

But if he comes up to you and says you know I need you know 20 pounds for a sandwich,

I'm sure most of us would give it to them.

That idea that the light of the creator does not give us anything that we don't desperately need.

Never nice to have.

So I think it really begins,

And this is true for all of us,

Even those of us who have we believe a direction of what our soul needs to do in this world,

How desperately do we need to know that?

How desperately are we both thinking,

Asking,

Pushing ourselves to know that?

And I promise all of us that if it's a desperate need,

Not a nice to have in any way,

But a desperate need,

We will come to understand,

See clearly our purpose,

What we're meant to do with our lives.

That's again,

It's a bigger answer than that,

But that's certainly where it begins.

It must be,

It must be,

And again I think for me it often goes back to really the Clayton Christensen book.

Think about your life looking backwards.

I want,

And I'm assuming most of us in that perspective,

Want to make sure that we've done everything we're supposed to do.

And it should then become a desperate,

Desperate need.

And if we search desperately,

We ask desperately,

We push desperately,

No question.

We'll find it with clarity.

I just want to hone in on the asking.

I think that's the most important thing to do.

Unfortunately,

Most people look for answers from other people.

But if you ask the question every single day to the Creator and with the real desire,

What is my purpose?

What am I meant to see?

What am I meant to do?

I guarantee you,

You will hear the answer.

And it's not going to come from another person necessarily.

It's not going to come from assigning somebody else to be the one to tell you.

It just becomes a deep knowing.

And then you act on that.

But ask every day.

Like I said with the example of the bully or my math teacher,

I was like,

OK,

What is this about?

And that knowing,

That desire to know and to remove all the nonsense in the middle,

You ultimately get exactly what you need.

I would only add that,

Like Monica said,

You know.

That's the beautiful aspect of this.

My soul knows.

I don't really need anybody else to tell me.

But I do need to come to see what my soul sees.

And maybe sometimes layers of ego have to be removed for me to see it.

But when you realize that my soul knows everything it needs to know,

It certainly knows how I need to be pushing myself,

How I need to be living boldly.

And sometimes,

Again,

Like we spoke before,

The ego is in some way confusing us.

But I don't need anybody else to tell me.

I just need to have the ability to see what my soul knows and sees.

Thank you,

Michael and Monica.

It's such a joy to be in your presence this evening.

I don't know how to get the words out,

But you talked about finding your higher self,

Being committed to it and putting a metric on it.

And I often think that so much of spirituality is when you align yourself to your soul.

So when you're aligned,

You feel joyous,

You feel happy,

You feel like you're in the zone.

But when you are not,

And then you also talked about challenging yourself.

So we should have discomfort and challenge.

And what I wanted to ask is what's the difference between doing the spiritual work and feeling that burn and the discomfort,

Because it's your spiritual work,

Versus you're pushing yourself,

You're feeling uncomfortable,

But that uncomfortable feeling is actually you're not really lined up to your source.

So therefore you feel uncomfortable and you're not close to your source.

And what's the difference between those two levels of uncomfortable and how do you know what's the right one?

Interesting.

I would say it's almost never a bad idea to make ourselves uncomfortable.

But to answer the question,

Because,

And again,

This is related to the idea that we spoke before of the ego,

That any discomfort that we put ourselves through is in some way diminishing our ego,

Which is always a good thing,

Which is always make us more open.

Although it's true that we might be mistaken sometimes,

Right?

Sometimes I might think,

A person might think that,

You know,

The bold or the decision for my soul should be to tell this person something and I'd be,

And I make myself uncomfortable.

And I might have made a mistake and,

You know,

And I realize even in retrospect that putting myself in that position or saying those things wasn't necessarily the right thing.

But I think saying the first,

Which is that it's almost always better to be uncomfortable than comfortable.

And second,

That I'd rather make a mistake by living too boldly than make a mistake by living too meekly.

And it might not always be the right choice,

But it's almost always the better choice.

So that's not clear always,

Is it the right thing or the wrong thing?

And by the way,

The other part of this is that part of this process is making mistakes,

Which is a part of the process,

Which is also fine.

And if I,

Like I said,

You know,

Like I said before,

If I tell somebody I love them and they say,

Well,

I really,

You know,

Don't really care for you,

And maybe I shouldn't have said it or should it,

It doesn't even matter.

Failing doing the right thing during the wrong thing is all part of the process as long as,

As we said before,

I desperately want to fulfill my soul's purpose and I will sometimes make mistakes,

But I'd rather make the bold decision than make the meek one.

That's almost always the better decision,

Even if it's wrong in the moment,

Even if it's wrong at that time.

Well,

That's how you learn.

If you do something that's a little bit hurtful or unkind,

Then you're able to give yourself that feedback and say,

Okay,

Next time I do this,

I'm going to do it differently.

It gives you the information you actually need to be able to change and grow.

So there's movement at least.

But I also thought about this.

If for instance,

You know,

You have the opportunity to swim with sharks and you have no desire to,

And you have a bad feeling,

But you put yourself in the water anyway,

That's not the kind of discomfort we're talking about.

But if you are going to the gym and you're working out,

It's something you believe in and it's what you want to move forward.

And it's really uncomfortable because you don't like working out in a group,

But you really believe in the purpose,

Then it's right.

So you're able to navigate,

You know,

Obviously you don't want to be reckless and,

And put yourself in a harm's way.

But if you believe in something,

But it's really uncomfortable to achieve it,

Go that route.

Hi,

I'm Eloisa.

I'm from London.

So when I think about people who live boldly,

The first sort of group of people that comes to mind would be the psychopaths and narcissists.

So I kind of want to understand like,

You know,

What's the thin line between a narcissist and a psychopath and someone who lives boldly and spiritually,

Or are narcissists and psychopaths simply hacking reality?

And that's why they're leading most of the top companies in the world that,

You know,

I don't know,

Or like countries.

So that's my question.

It seems like you have some really interesting life experiences.

That's a well,

Yes.

So I would say a few things.

I would say,

And this,

I'd say I'm really cold.

Can we make a little warmer in here,

Please?

I'm freezing.

Don't you want to be uncomfortable?

I've been uncomfortable.

I've been comfortable for a good hour and now I'm ready to be a little comfortable.

So I would say two things.

Again,

It's obviously.

That was bold,

Wasn't it?

Yes,

That was bold.

But for most of our listeners,

I don't think because whenever we speak and really whenever we think it's less important to think about everybody else in the world.

It's more important to be thinking about ourselves.

So where I would take that question as it relates to each one of us is,

Is it possible that by living boldly,

I will hurt other people?

Is it possible that by living boldly,

I will do things that I shouldn't do?

And the answer,

Of course,

Is yes.

And therefore,

We do have to be careful while it is very important that we live a bold life,

While it is very important that we make ourselves uncomfortable.

When it gets to the point where it makes others uncomfortable,

Where it gets to the point where it might hurt another person,

Think about that over and over and over again.

There are many instances and choices that we can make throughout the day that just make me uncomfortable,

That just might hurt me but nobody else.

I would dive into every single one of those.

But living boldly might hurt other people.

And by the way,

Sometimes that's the right thing.

Sometimes that's the right thing.

But when you are in front of that sort of decision that will make others uncomfortable,

That will make might have the potential to hurt other people,

Think about that a lot more than when you think about the choices that will only make you uncomfortable.

So I don't know how to solve the problem of psychopaths in the world.

And that's not even the point.

The point is,

More importantly,

For me and for you,

For each one of us individually,

As we think about living boldly,

It is certainly the path not only maybe of psychopaths and people who hurt other people but of those who actually accomplish great things in the world,

But mindful of the fact that,

Yes,

It's possible that as I live my life boldly,

It might have negative effects on other people.

And in those situations,

Think about that much,

Much harder than the choices that we make hopefully on a consistent basis that put us in uncomfortable situations and maybe hurt our ego in some way.

And also,

I think a psychopath or a narcissist might or a sociopath might seem bold,

But there's some other things not really working in their minds that make them be maybe aggressive or whatever the case may be.

So those are very specific things.

But I'm happy to ask the question because I didn't get to this in our talk.

What boldness is not.

Impulsivity isn't boldness,

Right?

Being reckless and I'm going to go and jump,

Do this thing that is not being bold,

That's impulsive.

And that the expressing ourselves isn't the best expression of boldness.

This phrase speaking my truth.

Well,

You can speak your truth and really hurt many,

Many people.

So maybe you shouldn't say that thing,

Right?

It's how you say it and why you say it and what the intention is.

Being bold does not mean being unkind.

And sometimes we make the mistake of demanding people as living boldly.

So you can be passionate,

But you don't have to be forceful or impatient,

Right?

So it's really,

There has to be,

I think,

A thread of kindness throughout it all.

And boldness shouldn't be in the service of assuaging our ego,

Which we said.

So I think all of those things are a really great way to gauge if you're being bold or if you're being rude.

Yeah.

Yes.

Because we know a number,

We know quite a number of people who are bold in that way,

Meaning in ways that hurt other people.

And I would say very simply,

More important than judging other people outside for myself,

If living boldly is having on the whole a better,

A more positive effect on most of the people around me than a negative effect,

Then it's probably the right direction.

Of course,

If my bold living is having a more negative effect on others than a positive one,

I should be rethinking it.

Like you said,

I think it's,

You know,

We sometimes mix up the concept of being bold.

You know,

We unfortunately we know people,

They'll always tell their truth.

Well,

No,

Not if it's going to hurt somebody else.

And again,

This is a whole other conversation.

We have to be a little less truthful.

Boldness is about me.

It's about me.

How do I push myself?

How do I make myself more uncomfortable?

How do I live the true purpose of my soul?

Much less about how I'm going to tell my truth to that person or this person.

How much more time do we have?

One or two questions?

I think we'll do one more question.

One more.

Two more.

One or two.

Hi,

It's so lovely to have you here.

Thank you so much for being here.

So I kind of have two and one,

But the second one might have been answered already.

People,

People,

People.

So you're taking her turn.

So the main question is,

How do you maintain the momentum of living boldly?

And the other one was around,

How do you know whether you're when you're boldly following your ego or boldly following your soul?

So the first answer is you just choose it every day.

It's like choosing to eat breakfast or lunch or dinner.

You just choose it.

It's that simple.

You have to be disciplined in it and it has to be something that you decide is worthwhile and necessary.

And so you make it a priority.

Do you want to answer the second one?

Yeah,

Well,

It's the first one.

I would say I would strongly recommend reading how you will measure your life.

And really,

If not every day,

At least once a week,

Once a month,

Think about our lives in that context.

What is my likeness?

What do I do?

Really,

Who do I say myself and if I do this,

Whatever it is that I'm doing for the next 30 years,

20 years,

Whatever that number,

Will I become that person?

And do I have,

Again,

That commitment to it and do I have metrics around it?

But like Monica said,

At the end of the day,

It must be,

It's not our daily thought,

Our weekly thought,

Our monthly thought.

If we're not taking stock of our lives on a consistent basis,

The capital is we'd say every single day before we go to sleep,

Then unfortunately,

Again,

We can live a very good life but not the ultimate life that we're meant to live.

That's the first one.

By the way,

I think reading books around this as well,

You know,

Keeps our mind,

You know,

I find,

For example,

A little bit off topic when I'm listening to podcasts or interviews about living healthy and eating healthy,

I wind up eating healthier and hopefully living healthier.

So it has to be top of mind.

You have to be thinking about it,

Speaking about it,

Reading about it.

And the second,

Which was how do I know if I'm living my real purpose or my ego's purpose?

I think one of the,

I would say two ways to gauge,

One,

Do I feel better?

It's that because if I'm living my soul's purpose,

Then every day to the next,

I should be happier,

More inspired,

Feel more fulfilled.

The answer is yes,

There's a very good chance that I'm in the right path.

The answer is no,

I need to rethink.

And second,

Again,

An ego life will hurt,

Usually wind up hurting other people as well,

Like we said before.

Is my life having a positive influence on those around me?

Is it having a greater positive influence on those around me today than yesterday,

Tomorrow than today?

And I think if we keep those two as guides,

One,

Am I feeling better?

Am I feeling more fulfilled?

And second,

Are those around me,

My family,

My friends,

Those who are really important to me,

Are the changes and the bold choices that I am making,

Making them happier,

More fulfilled?

If the answer to both of those is yes,

Then chances are that I'm on the path of living the right type of bold life.

If the answer is no to either one,

I probably should recalibrate or rethink parts of what I think living my bold life is.

Amazing.

Thank you.

Thank you.

We'll do one more,

Sorry.

Hello.

Actually,

I'm not sure whether I'm a narcissist,

But I'm quite a bold person,

I guess,

Or I was maybe because I had to unlearn it.

Because at some point in your life,

You notice that some people are really intimidated by it or scared of it.

So I don't have any problem with,

I'm sure that there are lots of thousands of people who doesn't like me.

I kicked up many groups or something like that.

But the main issue was mostly like,

I don't have any problem with sharing my feelings.

I share directly.

I'm too direct.

I say what I think.

But I can't really live with the fact that I may hurt people.

So that's why I had to withdraw myself.

You know,

I start thinking,

Shall I say that or not,

Blah,

Blah.

So but I end up in this point actually where I really fear of leaving my full potential.

I'm now scared of my own power.

So yeah,

I'm not bold anymore.

Do you feel like you're as bold with yourself as you are with other people?

Do you give yourself that honest feedback and direction and do you follow that or was it more external to others?

Yeah,

I think I do that.

But the problem is how to fit with society or the community or the people,

Because I need people to live it.

So that's why I'm still trying,

You know,

Struggling with that.

The thing with being bold externally,

Because they're different,

That's why I asked the question.

If you really have a desire to say something,

Really desire and you want to share it,

Don't say it.

The exercise needs to be that you might see things,

You might understand them and you sit with them and the person will eventually ask you.

And I'll give you an example.

I have two sisters and my older sister is Aquarius and I'm a Virgo.

So growing up,

She'd say,

You know,

Monica,

What do you think I should do?

And then she would talk for three hours and she asked me a question.

I didn't get to say anything.

And as a kid,

I was really frustrated.

I was like,

Oh,

My God,

Such a waste of time.

Like,

Just do this.

Just do this.

And that's it.

Like,

A,

To B,

Like I could see it as a Virgo.

Right.

I knew.

And whether I was right or wrong,

It didn't even matter.

I realized she taught me something very profound and necessary that would serve me for the rest of my life with what I ended up doing and choosing to do with my life.

To be able to really hear somebody,

To really listen and not say anything until they really wanted to hear it.

And that exercise for me was difficult.

Again,

Felt like a waste of time.

I was really impatient.

But it taught me what I needed on such a deep level.

And really,

To this day,

I think for that because I've learned to even if I want to say something,

Even if I have an opinion,

I don't need to say it.

If the person asked or they want to hear it,

I'm given the opportunity.

Great.

I am more I think and I'm happy you asked the question because the purpose really is to live boldly in a way that you are true to yourself,

To your soul,

To your purpose.

And part of your purpose is not telling everybody,

Even if you're right,

How they should do it or what the thing is to do.

And then and I tell you how it works.

When you start living that way,

Everything comes actually to you and you're given the opportunity to really express yourself.

But it has to start with a restriction and to make sure you're doing all of those things first before you start to try to impart it on other people.

Yeah,

I would just add again,

Like Monica said,

I think that living boldly is again,

Fundamentally about how I treat myself and how I push myself.

It's very,

Very secondarily how I interact with other people,

Number one.

And if I am on the whole,

As we said before,

If out of 100 friends and family,

99% of them are unhappy with the way I'm interacting,

Then I need to change.

It should be at least,

As we said before,

More than 50% are positively affected by what I'm saying.

And if the answer is not,

Meaning if not more than 50% of my friends and family or the people that I'm interacting with are having a positive effect from my sharing,

There's something wrong with that,

Number one.

Number two,

I think it's also important to assess where we're starting from.

So for example,

My personality,

My nature is to not be confrontational,

Not to have those uncomfortable conversations.

For somebody like me,

It makes more sense to push towards having more of those uncomfortable conversations.

If somebody is coming from a place,

And we know,

I'm not sure if this is your case,

But there are people who always want to tell the truth to other people when they see it,

That's often,

If that's 100% of the time,

That person probably should move more towards the center,

Which is that desiring or at least restricting more.

That is the more proper place for them to be living their lives.

But at the end of the day,

As we said,

Living boldly is more about how I am pushing myself,

Much less about how I am pushing others around me,

And again,

Most important indication,

If less than 51% of the people that I interact with are having a negative effect,

It's probably something that I'm doing that needs to be changed.

That's not the proper way of living boldly.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you all so much.

Thank you to all of our friends here in London.

Thank you for all those who are streaming all over the world.

Thank you for all of us who are listening to this podcast at other times.

We hope you enjoyed listening to this podcast as much as we enjoyed recording it.

Stay spiritually hungry.

Bye.