Dad, In Spirit Chapters 18-19

Hello,

This is A.

Le Fay of Sylvanosity,

Reading chapters 18 and 19 of Dead in Spirit.

These days I think everyone can relate to the idea of being in a situation you never thought possible.

We think to ourselves,

How could this be happening?

What does this mean about the future?

How do we go forward from here?

So often we think to ourselves,

I just want to get back to normal.

But the reality is,

Normal as we knew it is no longer accessible.

Because not only have the circumstances of our lives changed,

But so have we.

Even if we were to be able to return in time to before things changed,

We would be changed.

We would be different.

And our old normal wouldn't feel like our old normal anymore.

So a big part of how to reach a new sense of belonging and purpose and connection is by adjusting to the new normal.

Sometimes that can be difficult because the situation we're in is ever changing.

So when that happens,

Sometimes it's better to focus on grounding ourselves in the now,

In the what's happening,

In the who I am no matter what happens around me.

Centering not in the world around us,

But within ourselves.

I wonder if that is how the Jones family handles this most peculiar situation of Mr.

Jones,

Luke Jones,

Returning to the house as a disembodied spirit from the body that is currently comatose in the hospital.

Meanwhile,

The family therapist,

Dr.

Ventro,

Is trying to help.

In this chapter,

The big questions,

We rejoin the Jones family mid-crisis.

Tell me what I can do to help,

Said Dr.

Ventro,

Or Vento as we like to call him.

Mom pointed at the stairs.

You can go upstairs to the first room on the right-hand side while I calm my children down.

I loved how Mom talked to Ventro as if he were a kindergartener in search of the bathroom.

Samuel and Juliet didn't notice.

Samuel had started to cry,

And Juliet made a charge for the stairs.

Mom grabbed her arm,

Saying,

Stay here.

I don't want to talk to that drip.

I can help you,

Juliet,

Vento said from the doormat.

He still hadn't moved.

You can go upstairs to my husband's study,

Mom said to him.

If the air hadn't been so heavy with all those grimy emotions,

Sadness,

Anger,

And fear,

I would have laughed.

What made things even better was the fact that he did as she told him and marched right up the stairs.

Juliet pulled away from Mom and tried to go upstairs,

But Mom jumped up two steps to get in front of her.

We have to talk about this,

Jolie.

That's why he's here.

Can't we talk about it as a family?

You brought that creep in here,

And Dad disappeared.

As plain as if she were ordering a cup of coffee at McDonald's,

Mom said,

Your father was never here.

What?

I shouted.

He wasn't here.

Mom walked back downstairs and went into the grown-up lounge.

We all followed her,

Shouting protest.

I screamed,

How can you say that?

You saw him.

We all did.

Mom turned.

We circled around her.

She held at her hands as if to keep us back,

Saying,

I won't deny that.

But he wasn't really here.

We just saw what we wanted to see.

Everyone spoke at once.

It was like a gym class of kids fighting for the best ball.

Juliet insisted she could see the birthmark at the back of Dad's hand.

Samuel smelled cucumbers.

I didn't need to remember any details.

I could feel it inside.

Dad had come home.

Calm down,

Mom shouted.

We all want your father back so much.

We're seeing things.

All of us?

I asked.

At the same time,

Juliet added.

Yes.

Think of the people in churches who see tears of blood in a crucifix or the image of the Virgin Mary's weeping on a hillside.

They're group hallucinations.

What?

Samuel asked.

We imagined him,

Honey.

Mom rubbed Samuel's back and tried to give him a hug.

But Samuel pulled away.

He was here,

Samuel shouted.

Then where is he now?

Mom asked.

Dad started to look around.

I couldn't understand why Mom didn't believe in Dad's spirit.

He'd stood right in front of her.

She'd talked to him.

She'd even yelled at him.

I tried to find the moment she stopped believing what she saw.

When I recalled the expression on her face as she opened the door,

I knew it happened when Dr.

Ventro appeared.

Dad disappeared in an instant when Vento the Ventilated came in.

I wanted to know where Dad had gone.

I swear that if Dad didn't come back,

I'd dump a box of tacks in Vento's bed and make him sleep on them for the rest of his life.

You're wrong,

Mom,

Juliet said,

Shaking her head.

All right,

Juliet.

How did he get here?

What was he?

Samuel shouted.

He was here.

He was real.

He started to cry again.

Hugging Samuel,

Mom said,

This is too crazy.

In my head,

I begged Dad to show up,

Just for an instant.

Dad knew what to do.

He'd do the right thing.

Mom pulled away,

Saying,

I'm sorry to leave you,

But I need to talk to Dr.

Ventro for just a minute.

I'll be right back.

She headed for the stairs.

Samuel shouted,

Dad will too.

He turned to me after Mom left and said,

He'll be back.

I nodded,

But part of me didn't believe him.

I went to the stairs and watched Mom go into the study.

What if Dad came back because we wanted him to?

What if we all had to believe in order for him to show up?

Did Mom make him disappear for good?

I went to the door of the study to listen in.

I could hear Mom crying.

Dr.

Ventro's voice sounded garbled and blubbery.

I pressed against the door.

Evan,

That's rude.

Dad's voice came from behind me.

I jumped,

Knocking my head on the doorknob.

Turning,

I saw Dad standing barefoot in the hallway,

Wearing a pair of khaki pants and a polo shirt.

A pair of sunglasses hung out of his pocket.

Where'd you go?

Dad looked at himself.

Grabbing the sunglasses,

He held them up,

Saying,

The beach?

I have no clue.

What's happening,

Dad?

Same verdict for that question.

He pointed at the door.

Your mother in there with the psychologist?

She thinks you're a hallucination.

Dad smiled.

You said that perfectly.

You've been practicing.

Dad.

I hated it when he went goofy at really serious moments.

I'm sorry.

He turned to the stairs.

Where are Joliet and Samuel?

Downstairs.

Go down and get them.

I'll be in the Shroom Forest.

Dad went to the back stairs and I headed down to collect everyone else.

When I told them I'd seen Dad,

They just ran past me to get upstairs.

I raced.

On the landing,

I said in the lowest,

Meanest voice possible,

Be quiet or Mom and Ventro will come out.

They obeyed me and we all snuck up to the Shroom Forest.

Dad stood in the doorway of Samuel's bedroom,

Staring.

Holding one another's hands,

We waited for him to speak.

Samuel.

He said the name in a whisper.

Yes,

Dad?

Come here.

Dad stepped inside,

His face droopy and sad.

Joliet and I followed Samuel in.

We all dragged our feet,

Afraid of what Dad would say.

I stepped in the room and stopped.

I knew what had made Dad so glum.

The bed had been made.

The bedspreads moved flat.

The only things touching the floor were the feet of the furniture.

The dresser drawers had been pushed in with no clothes hanging out,

The walls stripped bare.

What happened to your room?

Dad asked.

I wanted you to come home,

Samuel said.

He put his free hand up to grab Dad's.

But it went right through.

Dad cried.

He slumped down,

Went through the bed,

And ended up on the floor.

Oh,

Kids.

I'm so sorry.

Don't cry,

Daddy.

Samuel crouched down to look Dad in the face.

I like it clean.

No,

You don't.

Dad shook his head and smiled.

You love your mess.

I love you,

Dad,

Samuel said.

I want to show God we could be good so he'd send you back to us.

Dad jumped to his feet.

You weren't bad,

Samuel.

Samuel's comment made me cringe inside.

Was that why Dad had come back?

We'd prayed and God had given us what we wanted.

But what if Dad was really supposed to go to heaven?

That thought was too heavy to keep in my head.

So I moved on.

What if taking Dad from his body made his body die?

What if he wasn't able to get back to his body again?

It would be miserable if we could never touch him.

Dad,

Juliet stood by the dresser,

Picking at the varnish.

Mom thinks we're making you up.

I'm real,

Juliet.

Real enough to have my own thoughts.

He touched his face,

But not real enough to feel my own tears.

Are you a ghost,

Samuel asked.

I don't know.

Coats are of dead people,

I pointed out.

You're not dead,

Are you,

Dad asked.

He isn't,

I shouted in reflex.

Dad started to pace.

There's got to be a reason for all of this.

I tried to think of a reason,

But my brain cramped.

You went to heaven by mistake,

But God sent you back?

Because you weren't dead yet,

Samuel suggested,

Dead hummed.

I can't remember any bright lights or pearly gates,

So I don't think that's it.

You're an angel,

Samuel shouted.

We all laughed.

Not a chance,

Juliet laughed.

Dad looked at her eyebrows raised.

She giggled.

Sorry,

Dad.

Remember that tiny instant when we laughed.

Dad was real.

Real in the sense that I forgot he was see-through.

I didn't think of the body sleeping in a hospital bed.

He was there with us,

And we felt happy.

Chapter 19.

Dr.

Vento,

The Demento.

The happiness didn't last.

Mom called us into the study.

Dad said we had to go.

We all linked,

We kids walked in and slumped down together into Dad's love seat.

He followed us through the door,

But Vento bent a dental brain,

Closed it in Dad's face.

I sat on the couch waiting for Dad to walk through the door,

But he didn't.

Children.

Dr.

Vento sat in Dad's chair,

His hands together in a steeple.

He was the first person I'd ever seen whose feet didn't dangle in the air when he sat in Dad's chair.

He'd speedster,

As Dad called it.

I wanted to stick my foot out and push the chair so it would tip backward and spill him into the window seat.

The only problem was,

Mom sat in the window seat behind him.

I was also mad at her for doubting Dad and dragging Vento Dendo into the picture,

But not mad enough to dump him on her.

Children.

He started over as if he'd never said a word.

Your mother tells me you saw an image of your father.

Tell me about it.

Samuel stood up to say,

He was here,

And you can't change that.

All right,

Vento nodded.

Anyone else?

I didn't speak because I knew his game.

He was going to twist our words around until we didn't believe ourselves and Dad would disappear.

I became convinced that Dad had come back because we wanted him to,

And we believed he could.

I thought he'd disappear if we stopped believing.

Dalia probably agreed with me because she kept silent as well.

To keep my mind off Vento and his spitty lips,

I stared at the mirror across the room.

I could see all of us kids scrunched together on the couch,

Elbows in one another's armpits,

Legs tangled up,

A human rope all tied together.

We could keep Dad with us.

He'd stay forever.

Kids.

Having Vento look at us made me shiver,

But he just kept right on talking.

When you become ill,

Your mind can play tricks on you and make things appear they're not really there.

I saw a tiger come through the wall and jump into the wastebasket when I had Manda,

Samuel said sounding like he was back in second grade show and tell.

Yes,

That's a good example,

Samuel.

Way to help the drip out,

I thought.

Vento smiled and I wanted to grab the stapler by his elbow and pinch his lips together with it,

But he babbled along.

Has anyone else had that happen?

No one spoke.

I imagined a little scoreboard on the far wall that read in bright lights,

Ventro 1,

Jones family 0.

Well,

Sadness can be a sickness too,

And it makes you see things that aren't there.

Oh,

I know,

It happens to me all the time.

Dad appeared,

Leaning against the wall in his long painting coat,

Cutoffs,

And a t-shirt is speckled with paint as his coat.

We kids giggled.

We knew enough not to give dad away,

But we couldn't keep from laughing.

I looked to mom.

She didn't move,

Just stared at Dr.

Ventro and hugged her knees.

Do you understand?

Ventro asked.

I wanted to say,

No,

I don't understand how my mom can say my dad isn't really right here.

There he is.

Look at him.

Oh,

I understand perfectly,

Doctor.

It's as clear as black paint on a chalkboard.

Dad nodded.

The other kids laughed,

But I had my eyes on mom.

She stared at the floor and began to rock.

She can really hear him,

I told myself.

The trouble was she didn't want to,

But why?

Hey,

Dad stepped up to the desk.

This guy wears a toupee.

Juliet bent forward in laughter.

What's a toupee?

Samuel asked.

Dr.

Ventro grabbed the top of his head saying,

Excuse me?

Mom burst out laughing right along with the rest of us.

The room was so full of laughter we could have floated like the guy in Mary Poppins.

Dr.

Ventro looked like he had ketchup seeping out of his pores.

He was so red.

I failed to see the humor in all of this.

I'm sure you would.

Dad leaned on the desk next to Ventro.

They were just inches from each other.

But that's only because you can't see me.

Baldy.

Looking at us,

Mom whispered,

It's your dad,

Isn't it?

We all nodded,

Choking on laughter.

By this time it had to be Ventro 1 and Jones' family 50,

Thanks to dad.

Oh,

Dr.

Ventro nodded.

You can hear your husband,

Mrs.

Jones?

Is he here now?

Yep,

Dad stood up.

Watch this.

He stepped over to the computer.

I know I can do this one.

He flicked the power switch.

Hearing the snap of the switch gave my heart a jump start.

Dad had touched something and actually made it move.

Was his body coming to join him?

Or was he going to be a solid type ghost that could play tricks on people,

Closing doors and turning off lights?

All the parts of dad's computer were connected,

So the printer next to Vento Pimento came on with a growl.

He wiggled out of the chair in a fright.

I'd never seen a guy slither like a snake before.

Luke,

Mom shouted.

So I am here then.

Dad leaned toward mom,

Smiling.

The question is,

Should you be?

Mom had actually heard dad.

She stood up,

Staring at what she figured was the place where he stood.

Now when?

Ventro held up a hand.

It's not good to indulge in this fantasy for the sake of the children.

You should.

Mom and dad turned together to shout,

Stuff it.

We kids squirmed and giggled on the couch like a pile of worms.

I'd pay a million dollars for a recording of that time in the office.

Dad tormenting old Vento.

Mom and dad working together,

As if dad had never fallen asleep.

The three of us kids laughing until we came close to watering that couch.

Now when?

Vento Pimento said like you caught mom cheating on a test.

That's Mrs.

Jones.

Mom walked forward,

Backing Ventro toward the door.

And I think this is something we'll have to work out for ourselves.

She opened the door for him.

He backed out,

Shouting,

It's unhealthy to participate in group hallucinations.

Good riddance,

Dad said as mom slammed the door.

We kids gasped for air,

As mom said,

Go upstairs,

Kids.

Your father and I need to talk.

We all melted into silence.

Watch dad.

He stared at mom with his I love you and I'm so sorry things aren't flying smoothly look.

You can't even see him without me here,

I said.

I don't need to see him to talk,

Evan.

I got up first with a full fledged plan to listen through the vent in Samuel's bathroom.

That's the end of our chapter for this reading.

But I wanted to take just a moment in conclusion to talk about the big questions that grapple with in this story and in these chapters.

When things happen to us that never happened before and seem impossible and strange and so uncertain,

It's hard to find grounding,

To find a place to anchor ourselves and to know how to respond to what's happening and to do the right thing.

When it comes to those uncertain situations,

You just need to focus on the next right thing and on where you are at the moment.

Don't set your star or your mind or your heart on what might happen down the road.

Think about where you are right now.

What can you learn from the experience?

What can you teach others about the experience?

How is this moment helping you to learn and grow and expand?

What things tell you that there are aspects of this current moment that ground you,

That give you strength,

That give you insight and understanding?

Whatever's happening,

We know we can learn from it.

We can grow from it.

And tomorrow brings new things,

New ideas,

New opportunities,

New experiences.

And as each day flows into another,

We emerge into a new normal,

A new understanding of ourselves and the world we live in.

And each day we grow a little more.

And as we do this,

We want to think about ways we can help others along the way.

Because the connection between us and the people who live around us is a big part of how we build the future we want to live in,

How we build the world and the changes we want to see.

Because when our world is changing as rapidly as our world is changing today,

We have the ability to make the choices to make our world a better place.

And I invite you to spend your time in the now thinking not only about how you can ground yourself and grow,

But how you can do things to make the world better for the future you're hoping to see very soon.

Just like I'm hoping to see you again in another recording.

This has been A.

Le Fay of Sylvanosity.

Thank you for joining me.