Human Doings And Human Beings (Season 3)

Is this a bitter end or a brand new start?

Am I falling together or am I falling apart?

It hurts to be stuck where I don't belong Keep on keeping on when the road gets long You are a human being,

Not a human doing.

Don't equate your self-worth with how well you do things in life.

You are not what you do.

If you are what you do,

Then when you don't,

You aren't.

Quote by Wayne Dyer.

This is Tammy Atman with the Stuck Stops Here.

Today's modern society has transformed many of us into doers,

Performers,

And overachievers.

The pace of life accelerated by the need for constantly moving,

Rushing,

Or accomplishing emphasizes the importance we associate with doing.

By doing,

We feel we are active in taking charge of our lives.

But are we really in control of our lives and giving them an authentic and fulfilling direction?

I tried this whole hustling thing for decades,

And it only made me overwhelmed and riddled with anxiety.

I was always in a hurry,

And I was pushing hard,

Actually forcing everything as I chased happy.

I found out I don't even care about the quote unquote proverbial top because it was never my sole goal in the first place.

It was a false goal created by my false self,

Which evolved from a toxic childhood.

To any overachievers and perfectionists that I hope are listening right now,

Hustling might get you what you want,

Or it might not.

It might get you somewhere,

But is it really where you want to go?

Is it really where you were meant to go?

I have played many doing-type roles in my life,

And every role came with burdens and unrealistic expectations.

In each doing role,

I was trying to satisfy some need,

A need for approval,

Status,

Affection,

Security,

Power,

Prestige,

Anything that would make me feel worth something.

In relentlessly trying to fulfill all of those never-ending needs,

I crashed hard many times.

In 2014,

I finally asked myself,

Am I being driven internally or motivated externally?

Doing more,

Constantly putting myself out there,

Saying yes to every opportunity,

Cradling every tangible and intangible experience like it was an Olympic medal.

I believed all of these external things would get me accolades,

Recognition,

Exposure,

More status,

More sales,

More of anything.

But in reality,

They only brought on stress,

Depression,

Frustration,

More emptiness,

And anxiety.

In my research,

I discovered that when we conduct our lives from a place of being instead of doing,

We accept uncertainty and don't focus on self-protection.

When we plan carefully and meticulously organizing every step and making sure we've covered every base,

Fear motivates that.

Real fear comes from wanting to protect ourselves instead of wanting to let go and accept things as they really are.

I had it backwards.

It takes more courage to trust the process and let things happen the way they are supposed to.

As a human doing,

I was unable to be successful and happy because no matter what degree of,

Quote,

Unquote,

Success I had or how many accomplishments I had,

It brought me very little joy.

The connection to doing was so strong that I judged myself pretty harshly not only on how I performed in important activities in my life but also in the most mundane of tasks,

Desperately seeking validation and approval from even the most trivial accomplishments.

As a human doing,

I was vigorously addicted to crossing that finish line and checking off every box.

I learned in my research that when you base self-esteem on what you do rather than who you are,

You end up stuck,

Pouring from an empty cup.

I was conditioned to do for acceptance and validation from when I was a baby.

That's how I got noticed and seen.

I was not noticed for who I was or who I was being.

The result over time was a total disconnection from my authentic soul,

My true spirit,

And I lived a life from the outside in virtually guaranteeing chronic misery,

Chronic unhappiness,

And multiple mental health issues.

I easily felt abandoned and rejected over small things many times a day for years.

It's what I learned from toxic parents.

Every action,

Reaction,

And overreaction,

And every poor decision I made was a result of a desperate and futile attempt to prove that there was nothing wrong with me and that I had value.

I was always motivated out of fear,

Fear of failure,

Fear of letting other people down,

Fear of looking weak and competent or vulnerable.

Anxiety was in charge.

I worked tirelessly to avoid failure instead of authentically achieving a desired goal.

There was a difference.

Failure is a normal and inevitable part of life,

But for me,

Failure was unacceptable and a source of unbearable pain.

Human doings see failure as an attack on their self-esteem.

They feel worthless and undeserving of love.

As a consequence,

My primary motivation every minute of every day in life was to avoid failure and prove that I was not worthless.

Part of being a human being is understanding and accepting that no one is perfect,

Including me.

Failure is a necessary and inevitable part of life.

Human beings will care how well they perform and also how much they learned along the way.

The act of performing something is not supposed to be just about reaching the end so you can say that it is finished.

It is about the process itself.

It is about doing something,

Doing something well,

Doing something you enjoy,

Making something better and learning from the experience.

When you approach life this way,

Failure loses its power to harm your self-esteem.

Authentic ambition stems from an honest connection to your life purpose.

Avoiding failure and being ambitious are not the same.

This caused me to struggle with a major identity crisis many times.

People like me don't know what they're supposed to be doing with their lives.

I was just hyper-reacting to everything going on around me,

Spinning my wheels and frenetically turning over every rock and stepping on every stone in a desperate attempt to find meaning and purpose.

I have now finally released myself from the do-it-all mentality.

I am not a robot nor am I an object even though I was raised to believe that.

I now need and take time to relax and recharge my mind,

My body and my soul.

It is said that time is the greatest equalizer.

The rich,

The poor,

The athletes,

The plumber,

The students,

The executives,

We all have 24 hours in a day.

But does the one who crams the most in 24 hours win?

And if they win,

What is the prize?

We glorify being perpetually busy because it seems to give us a sense of being productive,

Of doing.

But as Socrates said,

Beware the barrenness of a busy life.

Being a human being is contagious and will allow you and your children and their children to pursue goals and achievements from a position of strength rather than weakness in which we can all accept and find lessons and motivations and failures and not pain and rejection.

To be a human being is to be present in the moment completely,

Mind,

Body and soul,

As opposed to being distracted by the stimuli and demands of the external world.

What is very important on my healing journey is to bring more be into what I do so I can lead a meaningful and authentic life filled with both peace and purpose.

Please visit my website to access all the wonderful resources I used on my healing journey.

If there's any specific information you're looking for,

Email me at thestockstopshereatgmail.

Com.

I also co-produced an album which is on Spotify and iTunes under The Stock Stops Here.

The album is called Torch Songs for the Healing Journey.

I've put links in the show notes.

I hope the music gives you strength and courage to keep on keeping on.

This is Tammy Atman with The Stock Stops Here.

In the end,

We shatter space and time.

Sometimes we crawl,

Sometimes we climb.

We follow and get out of the way.

We are not toys to use or play.

Is this a bitter end or a brand new start?

Am I falling together or falling apart?

Keep on keeping on.