Welcome!
This is a series of practical strategies to use in life through a reality lens for changing obstacles into opportunities from Life Unedited,
The Power of Radical Acceptance,
28 Theories of Living in Reality,
From the author,
And Chapter 1.
This is my personal collection of reality-based theories.
I have no idea if it will be attractive to your eye or appealing to the senses of all readers,
And that is none of my business.
All 28 theories were formed throughout more than 30 years of my personal experience,
Along with conversations had with family,
Friends,
And hundreds of therapy clients of all ages.
This collection truly defines the talk that I walk every day.
My motivation to sit down and write this collection of theories comes from encouragement of two teenage girls with whom I worked as their therapist at a residential treatment facility.
These girls heard it all for months and began to call my theories Tiffany-isms.
They said that I should write a book.
So,
This is the result of what might have been sassy teenage girl sarcasm,
And I could not think of a better catalyst.
It was not until I began writing that I discovered exactly how many theories I have shared repeatedly over the years.
I saw a beautiful pattern emerge.
My theories are circular in nature,
Spanning the life cycle from before birth to after death and then back again.
Like the seasons,
The lunar cycles,
The zodiac,
And the wheel of life,
It's all a complete circle,
Which has no beginning or end.
Each theory is a thread woven together from the tapestry of our reality.
This collection is not scientific.
It is straightforward,
Blunt,
And maybe a bit edgy.
It is a practice,
And isn't that exactly what life is?
There is no right way to walk this talk.
We have opportunities to trial and error life every day where we can learn what works for us individually.
It can be beautiful and messy at the same time.
It can be calm and dramatic as well.
Revel in the mess.
Quit hating on drama.
Life is,
And always will be,
Dramatic.
So,
Let's just accept it.
All of this is a practice,
And that can feel like a blessing or a curse,
Depending on our perspective.
Please keep in mind throughout this practice that we do not grow when we are comfortable.
Discomfort is a sign of the possibility of growth.
When we accept reality at face value,
It is what it is,
And shift perspective just a little bit.
To choose to learn from the opportunities we once saw as obstacles,
We change our world.
Theory 1.
Everything happens for a reason,
Or does it?
For most of my life and 30-year career,
I believed with every fiber of my being that everything that happens has a reason or meaning.
It was more than just a comforting phrase.
It was a lens through which I viewed the world,
Taught my clients,
And made sense of both beauty and tragedy.
Everything,
Positive or negative,
Carried meaning.
It had to.
Otherwise,
What was the point?
If there are no reasons,
Then why the fuck are we here?
I was not interested in vague platitudes.
I meant it deeply.
The reason everything happens is to offer us the opportunity to learn the soul lessons we are here to learn.
And if we do not believe there is reason,
We can be left grasping for meaning or drowning in randomness.
This was the theory I held with certainty.
Black and white,
Either everything has a reason or nothing does.
We do not get to pick and choose.
If we believe there is meaning in joy,
Blooming flowers,
Chance meetings,
Or winning the lottery,
Then we must also believe there is meaning in pain,
In death,
Illness,
Heartbreak,
And suffering.
Otherwise,
The belief collapses under the weight of our own convenience.
But here is the thing.
Holding that belief,
Really holding it,
Is work.
It asks us to accept even the most devastating realities as purposeful.
That is not light work.
That is soul,
Deep,
Labor.
And for many people,
The discomfort of that level of acceptance is too much.
So we try to find a middle ground.
We cherry pick.
We believe in meaning when it comforts us and call things random when they hurt too much to face.
I lived in that space for a long time and I saw my clients do the same.
We all wanted to find the lesson,
Every single one.
We wanted the pattern,
The reason,
The narrative arc that made it all make sense.
Because if we could name it,
We could fix it,
Or at least feel like we had some control.
Eventually,
Something shifted in me.
Eventually,
Something shifted in me.
The more I clung to the idea that everything had to have a reason,
The more I noticed how often that belief became a barrier.
Instead of helping me heal,
It kept me searching.
Instead of helping my clients process pain,
It left them stuck.
Spinning in a loop of why,
Rather than accepting what is.
That's when radical acceptance began to take root.
I realized that I no longer needed to assign meaning to everything in order to honor it.
I could stop asking,
Why did this happen?
And start asking,
Now what?
I could stop spinning in theory and start grounding into reality.
I still believe in learning,
In growth,
And in the soul's evolution.
And I no longer need to believe that the universe is orchestrating pain as a lesson plan.
Sometimes we are given the gift of understanding a reason or a clear lesson from an experience.
Sometimes we must accept that we don't get to know the meaning.
Sometimes pain just is.
And we can still choose how to respond.
That,
In itself,
Can be a kind of meaning.
One that empowers,
Rather than entraps.
So yes,
There was a time when I fiercely believed that everything happens for a reason.
And I still do.
I just also now know that radical acceptance is the bridge that walks us from the need to know why into the realm of potentiality.
Things happen.
Life unfolds.
Some of it hurts,
Some of it heals.
And when we stop demanding that it all must make sense,
We start to find something far more powerful than reason.
We find peace.
And that's what I call radical acceptance.
