So hi everyone and thank you for joining me.
So let's explore today hard-centered safety.
Now we've all heard about fight or flight,
That surge when danger appears,
That readiness to battle and maybe you've also felt freeze,
The strange stillness when you are overwhelmed by fear,
When you go quiet and distant and numb.
There is also a fourth response your body knows,
One that most of us have forgotten that we possess.
It's not about getting stronger or faster or more defended,
It's about something completely different,
Something that might sound too simple to be powerful,
Yet it's a response that actually makes us human in the deepest sense.
This fourth option is the capacity to come through connection,
To find safety not by fighting harder,
Not by running faster,
Not by shutting down but by reaching out to another being,
To your own heart and to the present moment itself.
Your body has an entire neural pathway dedicated to this response,
Connecting your heart directly to your face,
To your voice and to your ability to be truly seen.
Right now,
In this moment,
This pathway is waiting to come alive.
So let's explore this together.
Place one hand on your heart,
Just rest it there and feel the warmth of your palm against your chest.
Feel the rhythm beneath your hand,
Steady,
Faithful and present.
Your heart isn't just pumping blood,
It's speaking a language older than words,
Sending signals up to your brain through a highway of nerves,
Constantly asking and assessing,
Am I safe,
Can I soften and is connection available here?
So let's discover what happens when you deliberately activate this pathway of connection.
Just start with your face now.
Without forcing anything,
Allow your jaw to release now.
Allow your jaw to release.
Let it drop slightly.
Let your muscles soften.
Feel your forehead smooth and let all the tiny muscles around your eyes relax.
You might even let the corners of your mouth turn up slightly.
Not a performed smile,
Rather a softening or a gentle opening.
And now notice what happens when your face softens.
Something shifts in your chest,
Doesn't it?
Your breathing changes slightly and this is the beginning.
Your facial muscles are wired directly to your heart and when you soften your face,
You're literally sending a signal downwards.
It's safe to let the guard down.
Now bring your awareness to your throat,
To your throat,
To the place where your voice lives.
You don't need to make any sound,
Just sense the space.
Imagine for a moment speaking to someone you love.
Not the words,
But the quality of warmth,
The gentleness that would be in your voice.
And just feel how even imagining this kind of tender communication changes something in your throat and in your chest.
Your heart responds to the possibility of safe connection even before the connection happens.
Continue breathing now.
Hand on your heart,
Face softened and throat open.
You're teaching your body a different kind of safety,
Right?
Not the safety of walls and armor,
But the safety of availability,
Of openness and of being present enough to connect.
This is your social engagement system coming alive.
The biological capacity for relationship to regulate your nervous system.
Let me now guide you deeper into this experience.
Bring to mind someone or something that makes you feel completely safe.
Maybe a beloved person,
A cherished pet,
A place in nature,
Or even just a memory of feeling held and loved.
Don't analyze this.
Don't think about it.
Simply allow the felt sense of this safe presence to be here with you.
What happens in your body as you do this?
Now your heart maybe starts to settle into a different rhythm.
Your breathing naturally deepens and the tension you didn't even know you were holding begins to release.
This is your heart teaching your brain what safety actually feels like.
Not as an idea,
But as a lived experience in your body.
I want you to now stay with this feeling of safety and now notice your capacity to be present.
When you're in fight or flight,
Your attention scatters,
You're scanning for threats,
Preparing for the next move and living in the future.
When you're frozen,
You're not really present either.
You're disconnected,
Distant and somewhere far away from this moment.
But right now,
With your heart settled and your face soft and this sense of safe connection alive within you,
Notice how you can actually be here.
You can feel your body,
You can sense into this moment and you can be available to whatever arises without immediately defending against it.
Now this is the fourth option.
Not fighting,
Not fleeing,
Not freezing,
But being present enough to connect first with yourself,
Then with life itself.
Let's explore what this feels like in your actual body.
Scan through yourself slowly and notice where you might be holding the posture of defense.
Maybe your shoulders are near your ears,
Pressed for impact.
Maybe your belly is tight,
Protecting your vulnerability.
Maybe your hands are clenched,
Ready to push away or hold on.
Wherever you find holding,
See if you can soften it just slightly,
Not abandoning protection altogether,
But maybe see if your body can afford to release even 10% of the effort it's making.
Each time you soften a little,
Each time you let your body settle a bit more,
You are strengthening this fourth pathway.
You are teaching your nervous system that there are moments when defense is not needed,
When the most intelligent response is to open rather than close,
To meet life through connection rather than separation,
And feel how different this is from trying to force yourself to relax,
Mentally commanding your body to calm down.
This is something your body knows how to do naturally when it feels safe.
It softens on its own,
Opens without effort,
And it becomes available for genuine connection.
Let's bring this now into the territory of relationship,
Because this is where the fourth option truly lives.
Think about being in the presence of someone who genuinely makes you feel safe,
Not someone you should feel safe with,
But someone your body actually relaxes around.
Without them even touching you or speaking to you,
Something in you,
In your nervous system,
Settles.
Your heart finds a steady rhythm and your breathing becomes easier.
Now this is called co-regulation,
Your nervous system synchronizing with each other,
Your heart literally influencing each other's rhythms.
You are not regulating alone anymore,
You're finding safety in the place between you,
In the field of connection that you're creating together.
Now this is what's profound.
You can practice this kind of co-regulation even when you're alone.
Right now,
Imagine my voice as a companion on this journey.
Feel how your nervous system is responding,
Not just to the words,
But the quality of presence in the silence between words.
You are not alone right now.
There is a kind connection happening here through the shared space.
Through your willingness to be here and my invitation to guide you,
You're not alone right now.
Let your heart settle into this truth.
You have never been as alone as you sometimes feel,
And connection is always available when you remember this fourth option.
As we move towards completing this practice,
Place both your hands on your heart now.
Feel that faithful rhythm beneath your palms.
This heart of yours has been offering this fourth option all along.
Every time you felt the urge to fight or flee or freeze,
Your heart has been quietly suggesting that you could stay present or you could reach out or you could let someone see you or you could trust connection to hold you.
And when you've been too defended to hear that invitation,
Your heart hasn't stopped offering it.
It's been patient,
Waiting for moments like this one where you finally have space to remember what your body has always known.
You don't have to eliminate your protective responses.
Fight and flight and freeze still have their place.
They keep you safe when safety truly is threatened.
But now you have a choice that you might not have known was available.
When life feels overwhelming,
You can ask yourself,
Is this a moment of defense or is this the moment where connection might serve me better?
Is this a situation that requires armor or might I be safe enough to soften here,
To reach out,
To let my heart's wisdom guide me towards relationship rather than isolation?
This is the work,
Not once and done,
But a lifelong practice of remembering this fourth option exists,
Of feeling in your body what it's like to find safety through connection rather than separation.
Your heart knows the way.
Your nervous system is designed for this.
You're simply learning to trust what has been true all along,
That you are a relational being wired for connection,
Capable of finding calm in the presence of others.
Welcome home to this truth.
Welcome home to your heart's fourth option.
Waiting here whenever you need it.
Thank you very much for joining me today and Namaste.
