You Can Rest Now: Somatic Burnout Recovery

So welcome everyone and thank you.

Thank you for listening.

Thank you for joining me today.

You're tired,

Not the kind of tired that a good night's sleep fixes and not the kind of tired that a weekend off repairs.

It's the kind of tired that lives in your bones that may have been there for so long that you've forgotten what not tired feels like.

Maybe you wake up exhausted.

Maybe you push through the day running on caffeine and willpower and some determination to keep going.

Maybe you collapse at the end of the day and you still can't sleep properly because your body is tired but your mind won't stop.

Maybe people tell you how tired you look or maybe now they've stopped telling you because that's just how you look now.

And this isn't just ordinary tiredness.

This may be the tiredness of carrying too much for too long.

The tiredness of a nervous system that hasn't felt safe enough to truly rest in.

How long?

Years?

Decades?

Maybe forever.

And the tiredness of being the one who holds it all together.

The one who shows up.

The one who manages.

The one who copes,

Handles and survives.

And the one who keeps going when everything inside is screaming to stop.

Now I know that tiredness.

I've lived in it.

The long commutes.

The jobs that take more than they give.

The rebuilding after the breakdowns.

The holding space for others,

Friends,

Family members,

While something inside you aches for someone to hold space for you.

The performing of wellness while feeling anything but well.

And maybe you've tried to fix the tiredness.

More sleep hygiene,

Better supplements,

Different diets,

Exercise.

Maybe you've added self-care to your to-do list,

Which is its own kind of exhausting.

I have to do yoga,

Meditate,

Journal,

Take a bath,

Practice gratitude before bed or I'm completely failing at relaxation and that doesn't really sound very restful.

So here's what I want to say to you today.

You can rest now.

You can rest now.

You can rest now.

Not later.

Not when you're finished.

And not when you want it.

Now.

And I want to show you why that's not just permission.

It's biology.

Now before we go further,

I want to name something.

For some of us,

Rest doesn't just feel difficult.

It feels dangerous.

Not consciously,

Not in our thinking brain,

But somewhere deeper.

In the body,

In the nervous system,

Rest triggers an alarm.

So if you grew up in an environment where it wasn't safe to let your guard down,

Where chaos could erupt at any moment,

Where you had to be vigilant,

Where rest meant vulnerability and vulnerability meant getting hurt,

Your nervous system may have learned something.

That staying alert keeps you alive.

And that lesson doesn't just disappear because you've moved out,

Because you got older,

Because the danger has passed.

The body keeps the watch,

Always.

Now this is what we also call hypervigilance.

Your nervous system is stuck in the on position,

Scanning for a threat even when there's no threat,

Unable to fully power down because powering down once meant danger.

And here's the cruel irony in all this.

The people who most need rest are often the people whose nervous system won't let them have it.

You try to relax and your body gets more tense.

You lie down and your mind speeds up.

You take a day off and you feel worse than when you were working.

You go on vacation and spend the whole time anxious,

Waiting for something bad to happen.

Sounds familiar?

Now this isn't weakness.

This isn't a character flaw.

And this isn't you being bad at relaxing.

This is a nervous system doing exactly what it learned to do to survive.

The problem is,

The survival strategy has become the thing that's exhausting you.

Now there's a concept in trauma therapy called the window of tolerance.

It was developed by Dr.

Dan Siegel.

And the window of tolerance is the zone where you can experience life without being overwhelmed or shut down.

Where you can feel stress without being flooded by it.

Where you can relax without collapsing.

When you're in your window of tolerance,

Rest is possible,

Presence is possible,

And just being is possible.

But when you've been living outside your window,

In chronic hyperarousal,

Or bouncing between hyperarousal and shutdown,

Rest isn't just difficult,

It's dysregulating.

Your system doesn't know how to be in neutral.

It only knows high alert or collapse.

So when I say you can rest now,

I'm not saying or implying that it's easy.

And I'm not saying you just need to try harder to relax.

Because that's ridiculous.

Excuse my language.

I am saying we need to help your nervous system remember that rest is safe.

Once again,

We need to help your nervous system remember that rest is safe.

That putting down the vigilance won't lead to a disaster.

That you can lower the shield and still survive.

This is learnable.

The nervous system is changeable,

Adaptable.

But it happens slowly,

Gently,

In moments,

And not through force.

Now,

I want to talk about something important.

Rest is not the absence of productivity.

Rest is the presence of repair.

Now,

Your nervous system has two main branches.

The sympathetic,

Which activates you,

Mobilizes you,

Gets you ready for action or danger.

And the parasympathetic,

Which calms you,

Restores you,

Allows healing,

Digestion,

And immune function.

And I've mentioned this in other videos.

But here's what I want you to emphasize today.

The parasympathetic state is where healing happens.

When your body is in chronic stress,

Sympathetic activation,

Survival mode,

It diverts resources away from repair,

From digestion,

From immune function,

From cellular regeneration,

From processing emotions,

And from integrating experience.

It's too busy keeping you alive to let you heal.

This is why chronic stress makes you sick.

This is why people who never rest break down their bodies,

Their minds,

And their spirits.

Not because they are weak.

Because they are not giving their biology what it needs to repair.

So rest isn't a luxury.

It's literally how your body heals.

Now,

There's a system in your brain called the glymphatic system.

And it's like a cleaning system for your brain.

It clears out metabolic waste,

Including the proteins associated with Alzheimer's and other neurodegenerative diseases.

So when does the glymphatic system work?

During deep sleep,

During rest,

And during states of profound relaxation.

So I'm not giving you a science lecture here,

But your brain literally cleans itself when you rest.

And it cannot do this when you're in chronic activation.

So when someone,

Whether it's your internal critic,

Or someone else,

Tells you that rest is lazy,

You should be doing more,

That you're falling behind.

Remember,

Rest is not laziness.

Rest is your body's repair mode.

And you cannot heal in a state of chronic stress.

You cannot integrate in a state of chronic stress.

You cannot create,

Connect,

Or find meaning in the state of chronic stress.

The nervous system has to feel safe to allocate resources to anything beyond survivor.

So the next time someone tells you to relax in that tone,

Like it's so simple,

Like you're doing something wrong by being stressed,

You can just tell them,

I'm not relaxing.

I'm activating my parasympathetic nervous system to promote glymphatic clearance and cellular repair.

And this usually shuts them up.

Now,

I want to make an important distinction.

Rest and collapse,

They are not the same thing.

Collapse is what happens when your nervous system is so overwhelmed that it just gives out.

It's shut down.

It's the dorsal vagal response we've talked about before.

It's not protective.

It's not restorative.

Your system is playing dead because it doesn't have the resources for anything else.

That's collapse.

And collapse often looks like rest from the outside.

You're lying on the couch,

Not moving,

Not doing anything.

But inside,

You're just offline.

Rest is different.

Rest is conscious.

Rest is chosen.

And rest happens from within your window of tolerance,

Not below it.

Rest is the nervous system saying,

It is safe to restore,

Rather than I have nothing left.

And the difference matters because collapse doesn't actually restore you.

You can collapse on the couch for hours and still feel exhausted,

Still feel depleted,

Because your nervous system wasn't resting,

It was hiding.

So true rest requires enough safety to actually let the parasympathetic system do its work.

Now here's another trap.

Productive healing.

The wellness industry has somehow managed to turn rest into another to-do list.

To properly rest,

Make sure you meditate for 20 minutes,

Journal your intentions,

Do a 30-minute yoga flow,

Take a magnesium bath with essential oils,

Practice gratitude,

Review your affirmations,

Take a power nap,

And don't forget to track your sleep scores.

And I'm exhausted just listing all that.

I didn't even get through half my list.

Now somewhere along the way,

Self-care became another performance,

Another way to optimize,

Another thing to either get right or to fail at.

But rest isn't about doing the right things,

It's about stopping.

It's about taking off the pressure to achieve anything,

Even achieving wellness.

Now true rest might look like,

If you're me,

Staring out of a window for 20 minutes,

Lying on the floor doing nothing,

Sitting in the garden without your phone,

And taking a bath without any intention other than just relaxing.

It doesn't need to be measured,

Tracked,

Or optimized,

Or produce any outcome.

It just needs to be allowed.

Now,

You know,

Me putting these videos up for free probably isn't great for business.

The proper model,

Apparently,

Is to have you come in for weekly sessions for about six months before you can see any meaningful change,

And then refer you on to another specialist.

Then maybe a course,

Then a retreat,

And then maintain in sessions indefinitely.

It's quite the industry.

But this is what I actually believe.

Healing shouldn't be gate-kept.

Permission shouldn't cost 200 pounds an hour.

And sometimes what people need the most isn't another technique or another session.

It's simply someone to say,

You've done enough,

You can put it down now.

You have done enough,

You can put it down now.

So that's what I'm saying.

Now I want to give you something.

Not a technique,

Not a homework,

Not a crystal to put in your pocket,

Not something else to do.

Just permission.

Permission to stop.

Not when you've finished,

Not when you've earned it,

And not when everything else is done,

Because it will never be all done.

Now.

Permission to be tired.

Not to fix the tiredness,

Not to analyze why you're tired,

Not to optimize your sleep or hack your energy,

Or push through with another cup of coffee.

Just to be tired.

To let that be true.

To stop pretending that you're fine.

Permission to not have healed yet.

To still carry things.

To still hurt in ways you can't explain.

Permission to not be in the after picture yet.

To be in the middle,

In the mess,

In the process that has no visible end point.

Permission to need help.

To not be the strong one for a moment.

To lean,

To ask,

And to admit that you can't do this alone,

And never could.

Permission to be held by another person,

If there's someone safe.

By something larger,

Whatever you call it,

Or by life itself.

To stop holding everything,

And let yourself be held.

And here's what I know.

You have survived things,

You've carried things,

You've rebuilt yourself more than once,

And you've kept going when everything in you wanted to stop,

So you've done enough.

And I don't know what enough looks like to you.

I don't know what you've been through,

And I don't know the weight of what you're carrying.

But I know this.

If you're here,

If you're still going,

If you're still trying,

You've done enough.

If you're here,

If you're still going,

If you're still trying,

You've done enough.

You can rest now.

Not because you've earned it,

Not because you've finished it,

But because rest is your birthright.

You don't have to unrest,

You just have to let yourself have it.

I'd like to guide you into this rest now.

Not doing anything,

Not achieving anything,

Just resting.

Find a position where you can be deeply comfortable.

Sitting up,

Lying down,

Standing,

Whatever you want to do.

Just let your body be fully supported now.

If your eyes want to close,

They can.

And now take a breath here with me.

Not a special breath,

Just letting the air come in and go out.

And just notice first where your body is being held right now.

The surface beneath you,

The floor,

The bed,

The chair,

Is holding your weight.

You don't have to hold yourself up.

Gravity and the ground are doing that.

Now let your weight drop a little bit more into that support.

Not forcing it,

Just allowing it.

Let yourself be heavy.

It's safe to be heavy here.

Now,

I want you to imagine that you've been carrying a bag.

Maybe it's a heavy bag,

Maybe it's strapped to your shoulders,

To your back,

To your legs,

Or to your whole body.

And this bag contains everything you've been carrying.

All the responsibilities,

All the worries,

All the tasks undone,

Things you should do,

The people you're taking care of,

The future you're trying to secure,

And the past you're trying to process,

All of it is here.

Now you've been carrying this bag for a long time.

You've forgotten what it feels like to not carry it.

Right now,

Just for this moment,

I want to invite you to put the bag down.

Not forever,

Not irresponsibly,

Just for now.

The bag will still be there when you're ready to pick it up again,

But right now,

You can put it down.

Now slowly,

Gently,

Imagine sliding the straps of your shoulders,

Letting it drop besides you.

Now,

It's right there if you need it,

But you don't have to hold it right now.

And now just notice what happens in your body when you imagine putting it down.

Maybe your eyes drop,

Maybe your shoulders drop,

Maybe your jaw softens,

And maybe there's more space in your chest.

Or maybe there's a resistance,

A fear,

A voice saying,

You can't put it down,

You have to keep carrying it.

And if that's there,

That's okay too.

Just notice it.

Even if you can only put it down 1% today,

Even if you can loosen your grip a tiny bit today,

That's enough.

Now bring your attention to your breath and let it slow down naturally.

Don't force it.

Just let each exhale be a little bit longer and a little bit fuller.

And now with each exhale,

Just imagine releasing a little bit more weight,

A little bit more tension,

And a little bit more holding.

Now you don't have to figure out anything right now.

Grace is working through you.

You don't have to understand.

You don't have to process.

You just have to rest.

Now wherever you are,

Whatever your experience is right now,

Just receive these words and let them land as they do.

I can rest now.

I have done enough.

It's safe for me to stop.

I can rest now.

I have done enough.

It is safe for me to stop.

And let your body receive those words,

Not just hear them,

Receive them.

Let your nervous system settle into the truth of these words.

There is nothing you need to do right now.

Nothing you need to become.

Nothing you need to figure out.

You can just be here,

Being held.

You can just be here,

Being held.

Rest as long as you need.

You are welcome to pause and stay in your rest.

Or if you are ready,

There is no rush.

You can just begin to return gently,

Slowly,

Maybe moving your fingers and your toes.

Now taking a slightly deeper breath.

And if your eyes were closed,

You are very welcome to open them and welcome back.

Welcome back.

So thank you for being here today and thank you for giving yourself this.

Thank you for letting me be your guide for this work.

I want to leave you with something simple.

Rest is not earned,

Rest is allowed.

And you can allow it anytime,

Even in small moments.

A minute of closing your eyes,

A breath that you let be slow,

A moment of not doing,

Not fixing and not figuring out.

These moments matter,

They add up and they teach your nervous system that rest is safe.

So you don't have to go on a retreat you don't have to get everything perfect first.

You can rest in the middle of a mess,

In the middle of the unfinished and the middle of the carrying.

You've done enough,

You've survived enough,

You've held enough and you can just rest now.

So take care of yourself and until next time,

Namaste