There is a fine line between thinking we would like to move forward with a change that we would like to make in our lives and a constant need to think you require fixing.
We can easily turn on ourselves and view ourselves like a project that's gone wrong,
Where we decide that we need to alter something about ourselves in order to feel like we are putting a mistake right.
This can happen when we think of ourselves unfavorably much of the time,
Where that internal voice is more critical than kind.
We find an array of traits within ourselves that we deem unacceptable and we begin a long journey of putting things right.
Except there's nothing wrong with you.
There is no need to be fixing anything.
You are misunderstanding the whole concept of needing amending.
You don't.
What's required is an acceptance of yourself as you are.
In that acceptance,
If you were to decide on taking on a challenge or adopting a change in your life,
It would be for the exploration and adventure of it because it's something that you felt inspired to do,
Not because there's anything wrong with you.
Self-help is a great tool if you're coming from a space of self-acceptance and looking for ways to further enhance your life.
It is in contrast not the best thing to do when you see yourself as a human being made up mostly of flaws,
So you keep reaching out to find ways of changing yourself.
You treat yourself like a to-do list,
As though you are a home in need of renovating and you are pursuing this goal because you have foundations that are built on the misguidance that you are a flawed individual.
We all have positive and negative aspects of ourselves.
That is all a part of being human.
We are not meant to spend our lives rubbing away everything we deem negative in the hopes that we can bring acceptance into our lives.
What we're missing is that we need to be in acceptance of ourselves with all our facets.
How do you know if you're addicted to self-help?
It's because your need to fix a part of yourself is never-ending.
It's insatiable.
You read book after book or listen to podcasts all in a bid to be everything other than you are and you find yourself addressing one aspect of your perceived faults only to find further faults.
The list becomes never-ending and always increasing.
That is where the difference lies.
When you are using self-help as a tool that is enhancing your life,
You will feel inspired,
Uplifted because you are stepping into the arena knowing who you are and that you are acceptable even with your flaws.
In contrast,
When you are coming from a place of non-acceptance,
The need to use the self-help you are learning will feel urgent,
Very necessary and as if there is a lot riding on it.
There is nothing wrong with you.
You are whole.
You are allowed to be human,
Flaws and all,
And you are free to use self-help if needed,
If indeed it's helping.
But if it is a way of being hurtful towards yourself,
Then it may be reinforcing an overly negative focus.
If this is the case,
Take some time to encourage some self-love and acceptance and experiment with delving less into the arena of self-help and instead explore how to be more welcoming of yourself as you are.
To seek out your positive attributes and develop ways to accept anything you see as a flaw and accept every part of yourself like you do with loved ones.
We can be overly critical of ourselves and yet very accepting of others.
If we can apply this perspective with others,
We can learn to apply it to ourselves.
We will end with a self-love meditation.
You might choose to sit upright with your feet planted firmly on the ground or lie down with your hands resting gently by your sides.
Close your eyes.
If you feel comfortable in doing so and take a deep breath in through your nose,
Hold it for a moment and exhale slowly through your mouth.
Take a few moments to notice the rhythm of your breath as it moves in and out.
You don't need to control it,
Simply observe.
Let your breath remind you that you are alive,
Present and whole just as you are.
Bring your attention to your heart space.
Imagine a soft warm light glowing there.
This light represents your inherent worth,
Your unique essence that requires no fixing or altering.
It is steady and unchanging,
A beacon of your wholeness.
As you breathe,
Imagine this light growing brighter with each inhale,
Filling your chest,
Your shoulders and your entire body.
It is a light of acceptance,
Love and compassion.
Rest in this light for a moment.
Now gently bring to mind the voice you often use when speaking to yourself.
Notice how it feels,
Whether it's kind,
Critical or a mix of both.
Whatever you hear,
Acknowledge it without judgment.
This is simply an observation.
As you sit with this awareness,
Ask yourself,
Does this voice uplift me?
Does it reflect the way I speak to someone I love?
If the answer is no,
Imagine that warm light in your heart expanding again,
Softening that voice.
With each exhale,
Release any judgment or negativity it carries.
Replace it with gentleness and care.
Say to yourself silently or out loud if you wish,
I am human and I am allowed to be imperfect.
I am worthy,
Even with my flaws.
I accept myself as I am right now in this moment.
Take a few breaths,
Letting these affirmations settle into your being.
Now imagine a new challenge or change you've been confronted with.
Imagine yourself contemplating.
Instead of seeing it as a way to fix or improve yourself,
See it as an opportunity for growth,
Exploration or adventure.
Picture yourself stepping into this change with curiosity and excitement,
Knowing that your worth is already intact.
Ask yourself,
What inspires me about this change?
How can I approach it from a place of self-love and curiosity rather than self-criticism?
Hold on to the feeling of inspiration and release any sense of urgency or pressure.
Bring to mind one thing about yourself that you appreciate.
It might be a trait,
A strength or even a simple moment of kindness you've shared with someone.
Let gratitude fill you for this part of who you are.
Say silently to yourself,
I am grateful for all that I am.
I am enough just as I am.
Take a few more deep breaths,
Feeling the light in your heart begin to settle into a steady glow.
Know that you can return to this place of self-acceptance whenever you need it.
When you feel ready,
Begin to bring your awareness back to the room.
Wiggle your fingers and toes and when you're ready,
Open your eyes.
Take this sense of wholeness and acceptance with you into your day.
You are not a project to be fixed,
But a life to be experienced and cherished.
May you walk forward with compassion for yourself,
Embracing the beauty of your humanity.
If you enjoyed this,
Then please feel free to take a look at my accompanying course titled Stop Trying to Fix Yourself,
You Are Not Broken.
Hopefully,
See you there.
