Feel Empowered By Living Your Authentic Truth

Have you ever felt like you're wearing a mask?

Not a physical mask,

More of an invisible social mask.

You're playing a role,

Acting in a certain way that doesn't accurately reflect the truth of who you are.

If you've ever had this sensation then you've experienced what it's like to be inauthentic.

In this talk we're going to explore what authenticity is,

The nature of authenticity,

What it means to be authentic,

Why it's important and finally we're going to look at how we can cultivate more authenticity in our own lives.

Now obviously we all understand the concept of authenticity and roughly what that means but just to make sure we're all on the same page I want to start with a definition and that is this.

Authenticity is living in harmony with one's true self or true nature.

This means that our external speech,

Our actions and our behaviors are in alignment with our inner values,

Thoughts and beliefs.

You could almost run with this metaphor of authenticity being that bridge between your inner and your outer world.

It's about your actions in the external world being an accurate portrayal of your inner world but in a way the whole point is it's not a portrayal at all,

You're simply being as you are,

Right?

In fact you could argue any kind of portrayal is inauthenticity because you're actively trying to be a certain way rather than just being how you are.

In some ways this is quite a simple concept but it can quickly become you know quite complicated and quite complex and quite nuanced if you get into kind of bits of it.

Okay what if I'm trying to learn or grow how to be a different way from the way I was before or some questions can be raised about the nature of authenticity in the sense that obviously being deceitful is inauthentic and lying is obviously inauthentic behavior but you're getting all kind of in the weeds with nuanced questions.

If you valued kindness and you lied to someone and said oh that dress looks great on you,

Would that be inauthentic?

Because you actually think it's a rubbish dress but perhaps if you valued compassion and kindness over honesty there's an argument to be made that actually it's inauthentic action because you're misrepresenting your views but you're doing it because of the value you yourself in your inner world place on compassion and you can really get in the weeds with these kind of conundrums and questions and as much as I've just kind of done it there,

The point of this talk is not to make it overly complicated and to get into debate about the kind of the itty-bitty pieces of authenticity.

Our objective is just to gain a greater understanding,

Clarity,

To reduce its simplicity and a greater understanding of its importance so we can cultivate more of it in our lives.

One thing that is perhaps strange is that while most people recognize the importance of authenticity in leading a fulfilling life,

Very few people ever actually seem to actively strive to nurture this virtue,

This quality.

I'm sure we all know people,

In fact I know someone at any one given time who's on a weight loss journey,

He's trying to lose weight.

How's it going?

Oh yeah,

We're losing weight,

Lost three pounds last month or something like that.

I'm working,

Becoming more confident,

I'm trying to achieve this in my business or career or whatever it is but when was the last time someone said oh yeah at the moment I'm actually really trying to work on becoming a more authentic person.

Certainly,

I've not heard anyone say that recently,

Partly because to admit that you're working on becoming more authentic is to acknowledge that perhaps you haven't managed in the past to always be perfectly authentic all of the time,

Which if you can admit that you're obviously on the right track.

It takes courage and it's a very authentic thing to be able to admit that indicates a high level of authenticity,

Which is great.

But I'd like to still address that in some kind of way this is a very strange talk because it's a reflection on how you can go about being more yourself in a certain sense.

You think of it as turning up the volume on your own expression of the truth of who you really are,

Which is this process of ensuring your actions and your speech are an accurate reflection of the inner values,

Beliefs and desires that make you who you are.

There's still this kind of paradoxical element in the attempt to try and be more authentic,

As authenticity is inherently about your own natural self-expression.

And let's try and put this succinctly,

I'm gonna try hard to be myself as I really am.

Well hang on,

It's kind of strange isn't it?

It should be effortless in a certain way to literally just be as you are,

So there's something strange about this right?

We're gonna get into it,

We're gonna explore it.

But I think what we're gonna find,

And I'll try and put this concisely,

Is that becoming more authentic is actually best understood as a reductive process of removing those obstacles which lie in the way of our genuine self-expression right?

It's not,

As they say,

It's not about becoming more authentic,

It's about taking away the things that prevent us from being authentic in the first place.

I had to clear up a few,

Before we get into the next kind of bit of the discussion,

Thinking of my head,

I want to clear up a few little bits about this,

Some common misconceptions.

One of which is that responsibility of genuine self-expression does not mean we have to blurt out our true thoughts and feelings at every opportunity.

That would be probably annoying for us and everyone else,

But moving on.

Doesn't it say that withholding your inner world from others is not necessarily inauthentic?

In situations,

For example,

Where doing so aligns with your personal values.

But you know,

Rather,

The main danger is the deliberate misrepresentation of our inner world,

The world of thoughts and feelings.

It's the deliberate misleading,

Deliberate deception of portraying our inner world other than the way that it really is.

It's a bit abstract,

We'll get into some examples in just a moment.

But human nature being what it is,

We can often sacrifice our authenticity in kind of seemingly small innocuous ways,

Often for seemingly just reasons.

You know,

Just avoiding conflict,

It's easier.

Sometimes also for less just reasons,

Maybe it's in our interests in terms of personal material gain or other such reasons.

Before we get deeper into this discussion,

I want to bring your attention towards and focus on is a discussion of why it's important,

Right?

You know,

Like I said earlier,

We both understand to a certain level why it's important,

But actually to cultivate a higher level of authenticity,

Just having a really strong understanding or really getting that it's important drilled into you and really appreciating the importance is actually going to help you in cultivating authenticity.

So let's talk about it.

So you can bring to mind the overused adage that life is short,

Especially if you happen to believe you only get one,

But that is another conversation.

And it's certainly much too short to waste time by not voluntarily and cheerfully picking up responsibility,

Being who you are,

Right?

Those who are inauthentic,

Just are doomed.

They're always going to be tossed around by external circumstances,

Never really content,

Never getting to where they think they want to be.

You get buffeted around because you're not consistently staying true to who you are.

I mean,

By contrast,

Right,

Those of us who are able to grasp and embody understanding of authenticity and its importance,

You learn to steer by your own internal compass,

Right?

And as a result,

You make progress on your personal journey,

You know,

Because you're standing in the radiant truth of who you really are,

Right?

Cool stuff.

There's another adage that nods to this concept,

Right?

I'm borrowing wisdom from the past,

Which I think is a good thing to do.

This was an ancient Greek guy,

Whose name I'm not going to try and pronounce.

He said,

The wisest men follow their own direction.

It's going to let that sink in for you for a second.

Of course,

I'm saying the same is true for the wisest woman,

Although it's specified as such would admittedly be a less pithy quote.

Anyway,

Here is the other point I'd like to make on the subject of why authenticity is important.

When we are inauthentic,

And we'll look at this a bit more later in the discussion,

But when you're inauthentic,

You can't really lose.

Simply put,

It's a defense mechanism or a way of psychologically distancing yourself,

Your self-concept,

Shall we say,

From that which happens to you,

Right?

Let's imagine the case of a romantic rejection.

That'll be fun.

Say you're presenting a certain facade,

A veneer,

You're showcasing a personality which you hope will cause you to be liked.

But you are rejected.

Let's even say viciously rejected.

That little voice in your head can console itself,

Saying,

That wasn't really me that was being rejected.

It was just that my approach or the personality attempt to project or whatever didn't work.

It's not bad as a way of avoiding pain and avoiding loss.

It works quite well.

It doesn't hurt.

It wasn't really me,

You know.

Here's the issue.

Insofar as you,

I'm used to say that the real you,

Can't really lose,

You also can't really win.

Same example,

The opposite thing happens,

Right?

Let's say you make your approach to some lovely person of whatever variety you're attracted to and this time you're not rejected.

You actually elicit a very positive reaction from the romantic prospect you approached and there's a very real possibility of a relationship being formed.

Wonderful.

The issue is,

The version of yourself they've come to like,

Well it's not the real you,

Is it?

It's a projection you crafted.

They may not in fact like the real you,

Especially not when they realize the discrepancy between your true nature and the one that you presented them with.

So while being inauthentic might work in the short term to prevent some pain or some losses,

It does also prevent us from being able to truly win or perhaps more accurately,

To grow.

Again,

In the same scenario,

Right?

An authentic person may also experience rejection and it can be a painful experience.

But unlike the inauthentic person,

They have the opportunity to learn from it.

They can come to understand the idea,

For example,

That person that reacted negatively to their honest self-expression.

It's okay they reacted that way.

It just means that person is not one who you would benefit from being in a relationship with,

Right?

On the other hand,

If you show up exactly as you are and you are well-received,

You may then have been fortunate enough to find someone who loves the real you.

That's a big win.

To be able to learn and grow,

To quote-unquote truly win at life,

Being authentic is essential because as we've tried to demonstrate just there,

If you're not being yourself,

You may avoid some short-term pain,

But you can't really win because it's not the real you that wins.

If you want to actually grow,

Learn,

Progress,

You have to show up as you are.

Some questions you can ask yourself to assess possible inauthentic behaviour,

Because we'll get into it,

But a certain amount of self-reflection is quite key to this process.

Some questions you can ask yourself are things like,

Am I just checking myself?

Am I going against myself here?

Am I going against my own beliefs and values if I engage or even fail to engage in this behaviour?

Let's just remember that non-action is a choice,

Right?

You can,

I'm afraid to break it to you,

Be inauthentic by not acting when you inwardly feel that actually you probably ought to act based on the values you hold.

You can ask yourself,

Does it feel like I'm wearing that mask,

Right?

And if so,

What action would I need to take to take off that mask,

To be back in alignment,

Back in integrity?

Anyway,

As I've been banging on about the point of this being a reductive process of taking away that which causes inauthenticity,

Let's have a look at some of the root causes of inauthenticity.

Almost all inauthenticity is going to result either from choosing to engage in deception,

That's what's easy to understand,

Right?

It's the whole,

Yeah,

For whatever reason,

We'll get into more reasons in a second,

For whatever reason I'm actively portraying myself in a way that I know is,

To an extent,

Not true.

That's the big one.

So the deception is a big one,

Deliberate deception,

But it's also kind of,

I don't want to say accidental deception,

But most actually ignorance.

Which is not to say that you're,

You're not lying to other people,

But you actually lack self-awareness and self-knowledge of who you really are,

And that prevents you from acting in accordance with your true nature.

You're simply lacking in understanding of self.

That's actually quite a big one.

This is why,

Again,

I think authenticity on one level it's very simple,

Right?

It's be as you are,

And realize that's an important thing,

And realize why,

And just really make a conscious effort to be as you are.

But you can get bogged down into this whole question of self-knowledge,

And do you really know yourself?

And that is a massive topic I don't want to get too into,

But I might have a little nod to some of my exploration there.

Yeah,

There's a reason why it was crafted in the forecourt of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi,

The Delphic Oracle.

It says,

Know thyself,

Famously inscribed on the way in.

What should I say about that?

I don't want to go too much into that,

Because it's obviously potentially a very deep topic,

But I think the one thing I would like to share is that on my own kind of journey,

I got very caught up in the who am I,

What is my true nature question,

In a kind of very deep spiritual,

Philosophical kind of way.

And you can get lost in that,

But I think for the purposes of authenticity,

It's more know thyself in terms of what do you value,

What do you really think,

What do you really believe?

And these are all things that you can find out using a kind of methods of self-exploration,

Of self-reflection,

The usual kind of mindfulness meditation,

Journaling,

Those kinds of things.

Don't want to get lost in the really deep question of the true nature of myself,

And what am I really,

And that's a whole rabbit hole.

So just to specify a little bit,

In terms of your kind of self-awareness and knowledge yourself,

We mean that mostly in the sense of your values,

Your beliefs,

And you can check those.

You can engage in practic dialogue with yourself,

Right,

To try and ascertain the nature of these things.

I just thought I'd put a little tangent about that.

What else we got?

There's also within literature,

All over the place as well,

There's Shakespeare,

Right,

There's,

What's the quote?

Is this above all to thine own self be true?

That's Hamlet.

I think it's also said by a character that's quite inauthentic.

The point is that line is very resonant with a lot of people,

Because it's talking about the importance of authenticity.

This above all to thine own self be true.

Putting that above everything else,

You're being true to yourself above external pressures.

If the underlying root cause or difficulty of authenticity,

I should say,

Is deception and ignorance,

Let's look at this,

That's quite abstract.

If we bring it up a level,

There's a lot of surface causes in the world,

There's a myriad of external pressures,

Which could drive someone to behave.

There's social conformity,

Fear of rejection or criticism,

Environmental pressures.

I'll give you an example of some of these,

Just quickly.

Social conformity,

Right,

Let's say your circle of friends are all really enjoying this TV show.

You don't like this show,

You don't enjoy this show,

But you can sit there and you could pretend to like it,

To get along with everyone and then be involved in it.

On the flip side,

If you look at this,

If you sat there and said,

Honestly guys,

I think this TV is absolutely rubbish,

I just enjoy spending time with you,

So I'm gonna sit here anyway.

That would be fine,

Right?

The issue is when you're pretending to like it,

When actually you don't.

I'm trying to stay away from too much nuance with this,

But I think it's worth mentioning.

Obviously,

Fear of rejection or criticism,

That's things that can cause authenticity reasonably obvious,

Right?

It's a human drive to try and avoid pain or hardship.

And then the point we're making is that,

Yes,

Those things are difficult in the short term,

But you have to really reflect deeply for yourself if avoiding those things is worth the sacrifice of your authentic self expression.

As I would argue,

Not.

And it's easy to think not,

Right,

Until you're in the moment and you've got a choice,

And one choice is the easy choice,

Or at least it looks that way,

And one choice is the hard one.

It can be hard to maintain a true knowledge of what we value in the face of,

For example,

The relentless bombardment we receive from media advertising.

How do I know what I value?

I want to look this way and talk that way and have these things I'm led to believe to be important to me,

Rather than really looking at what I believe is important to me for myself.

We might also readily or too easily sacrifice our authenticity and our integrity if we suffer from low self-esteem or self-worth.

In this case,

Conversely,

I might note that we might begin,

However,

To reduce instances of ourselves behaving authentically,

And we might begin to nurture a seed of self-esteem that can,

In time,

Turn into a mighty tree.

So it's that one's a bit circular,

Right?

It's,

Oh,

I'm inauthentic,

Why?

I've got low self-esteem.

Well,

How can I get more self-esteem?

Start being more authentic.

You can correct a lot of things if you just focus on this one quality,

This one virtue.

I always like to think of it as hygiene,

Right?

Obviously,

It is a virtue.

People are well-regarded,

You know,

Being an authentic person is a good thing.

It's hard to argue against that,

But we can also think of it more as a kind of existential hygiene,

Right?

Checking in with yourself,

Reflecting.

Am I,

Right now,

Acting for a place of truth?

The truth of who I really am?

Hoping we're starting to get a sense of why it's important,

But I want to really hammer home an example which I think is going to build further upon this.

Authenticity was extremely important to a man that many consider to have been a beacon of wisdom.

Speaking of Socrates,

He's an ancient Greek philosopher,

Usually associated with the Stoics,

Who was unjustly accused,

This is the short version,

He was unjustly accused of impiety and corrupting the youth of Athens in 399 BC.

And I just try,

I mean,

Yeah,

He basically,

He was disrupting the status quo,

The Athenians,

Some of them who were in power,

In charge,

Didn't like it.

He was asking questions and looking at things a different way.

That would often upset those who were in charge,

Okay?

Anyway,

At his trial,

He steadfastly defended his beliefs,

His philosophical ideals,

And he refused to apologize or abandon his beliefs.

He was given the chance to oppose an alternative punishment if he would only renounce the views he had stated.

He declined,

Choosing instead to drink a lethal dose of hemlock.

So his unwavering commitment to his own principles and his willingness to face death rather than betray his beliefs had this effect of making him a symbol of intellectual integrity and courage throughout history.

This is obviously a very extreme example.

This was,

No matter how you look at it,

This was a really wise guy,

And he valued his own authenticity up to the point that he would actually rather die than abandon it.

Now,

Obviously,

That's really extreme.

I'm not necessarily recommending that for everyone,

But if you imagine just for a moment what your own life might look like if you possessed a level of authenticity even vaguely comparable to Socrates,

How might that look and how might aspects of your life transform in a very short time frame?

It's worth thinking about.

Let's finish with looking at how we can dispense with our own inauthenticity and begin to present our own true self to the world as effectively as we can.

As I've mentioned,

I really do think this is a process of taking away inauthenticity rather than adding authenticity,

But these are some practices or ideas that can help you with that.

Now,

Feel free to run with whichever ones you feel suit you best.

You don't have to see all of these by any means.

Some of them you quite likely already do to an extent.

Anyway,

Let's get into it.

It's obviously a self-reflection because speaking to the kind of self-awareness piece,

You have to understand yourself to be able to act for this authenticity in the world,

Right?

So it's kind of a first step really is self-reflection,

An initial thing.

So you have to set aside for yourself a dedicated moment in your day or in your week specifically for introspection.

Ask yourself,

Who am I at my core and what do I really stand for or what's important to me or questions like that.

It's just taking the time to ask yourself these questions.

And then you start to,

When you start to look,

You start to see if you're willing to look,

Right?

Places where perhaps you could be being more authentic than you are.

You can start the process of shedding some of those masks you wear some of the time.

Obviously practices,

All the mindfulness practices,

Amazing,

Cultivating authenticity.

Meditation,

We're going to mention it a lot on this platform obviously,

But it allows you to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment and that's pretty useful for this as it just so happens.

You embrace vulnerability,

Seek feedback,

Set boundaries,

Commit to your continual growth adaptation,

All those kind of,

I don't know,

I feel a bit kind of buzzwordy really.

I'm going to wrap up.

Mostly it's just self-reflection piece,

Right?

I feel it's been quite a sort of theoretical discussion,

Right?

On one level it's very simple and on one level it's also very complicated.

But I'm going to try and,

I'm going to change tack slightly here.

I'm just going to point out that if you're not showing up as who you really are,

I mean what are you doing man?

You're wasting time.

When you're a deathbed thinking,

Oh man I wish I'd stopped,

You know,

Doing what everyone else wanted and feeling the external pressure to act a certain way and just spend more time being really truly me and exploring what that would be like,

That kind of life.

In a way this is now,

I'm taking,

I'm taking a bit far here to sort of make a point.

I actually think it's a little selfish of you to kind of deny the world your full self-expression,

You know?

The gifts that would come from you being the fullest expression of what it means to really be you,

You know?

People who aren't acting from that place are denying the world the opportunity to experience them in their full glory,

You know?

And when you have that rock-solid authenticity,

That bridge between the inner and the outer world,

Really cool things can happen.

Your inner thoughts,

Feelings,

Desires and beliefs start to manifest more quickly in the outer world and so too do the lessons you learn from the external world,

More quickly do you learn and evolve from them.

Because we've talked a lot in a kind of theoretical way,

Authenticity and oh yes,

You know,

It's a good thing and it is a good thing and morally speaking it's a good thing but it's not a good thing just speaking morally.

Like in terms of your effectiveness as a being and growing and learning and becoming all that you can be,

It's essential and I want to get that point across.

We are now going to wrap up though so,

You know,

In conclusion,

Like many things in life authenticity,

You know,

It's not a destination,

It's a journey and it's a continual process of aligning our external actions with our internal beliefs about being brave enough to present the world with your truest self even and in fact especially in the face of adversity.

After all,

The most genuine conversations and the most profound satisfactions in life come not from if you're projecting a facade,

You know,

It's from being unabashedly and unapologetically ourselves.

So anyway,

As we part ways today,

I want to thank you for listening to this discourse.

It got a little fluid in parts but I hope you enjoyed the journey.

Anyway,

I'd like to leave you with a challenge.

I want you to embark on your own personal journey of authenticity.

Embrace your true self and begin to witness the transformational power that can have.

I actually,

One thing,

This is something else you can try,

Relate to this before I really do leave you,

Is you could always take this journey of authenticity,

Actively concentrate on this,

Focus on this,

Give yourself a period,

Maybe a week or a month or two weeks or something like that to really focus on this and actually don't tell anyone that you're doing it and just see if anyone says anything or you observe any different reactions.

Just start actively trying for a period of time to be really authentic and don't tell anyone.

You can if you want but it's fun to try the not telling anyone version.

Anyway,

I'm going to leave you here for today and yeah,

Whatever you're doing,

Whatever you're up to,

Have a lovely rest of your day.