Ch 9: Give Yourself Permission To Be Happy

Chapter 9.

Give Yourself Permission to be Happy.

People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Abraham Lincoln.

It's your choice.

Happiness comes from within.

This means that you're in charge of your own happiness.

Sure,

External factors can impinge on your mood,

But ultimately,

You're in the driver's seat and you can take personal responsibility for your mood.

When you've created a positive mindset and made the choices that support a positive outlook and create a positive environment,

There is no reason you should not make a conscious choice to be happy and make this your default setting.

You can decide to perceive things as positively as the circumstances allow.

Whatever your age,

It is never too late to develop a new mindset that will facilitate living in a different,

Better way.

Give yourself permission to choose happiness.

Somewhere along the way,

Popular culture seems to have categorized happiness as uncool and less meaningful than darker emotions.

Look at how many of the most famous film stars end up in tragic situations or are portrayed as having depth when they act moody.

By contrast,

People who are unfailingly positive are often ridiculed as being shallow.

However,

I don't see any good reason why we should buy into the prevailing view that gloom is cooler than happiness.

As children,

We cannot help but be deeply influenced by the people we grow up with.

However,

As adults,

We have the ability to seize personal responsibility and actually make real changes.

We can effectively alter our outlook on life and decide to be happy.

It's all a mindset,

And thus,

It is up to us to control.

Ed.

A Story of Positive Thinking.

Ed had had a lot of difficulty at work and in his personal relationships.

He hated his job and was constantly frustrated with his co-workers and his family.

He had a partner,

But things weren't great between them either.

Together,

He and I figured out a way for him to learn how to think positively.

It wasn't easy at first,

But relatively quickly,

Ed became able to think about things in a different way and to change his perceptions quite profoundly.

He decided to first focus specifically on the things he liked at work.

He forced himself to think positively rather than negatively.

He started to communicate with others in an encouraging way and to send friendly emails.

Ed had always disliked his boss and was aggravated by her behavior,

But now he looked for and found aspects of her personality that he admired and he focused on them.

He gave himself permission to think positively,

Which meant letting go of his irritation,

Anger,

And resentment.

Interestingly,

He started to like his boss more.

It became progressively easier for Ed to see her as an individual with whom he could communicate.

The result of all this was that,

Particularly at work,

Ed seemed to be a completely different person than before.

His relationships with his colleagues improved,

His work productivity increased,

And he started to enjoy his life a lot more.

He also started taking care of himself and exercising more.

This,

In turn,

Made him more self-confident.

One day,

The head of the HR department pulled him aside for a chat.

Hope you don't mind me saying,

She said,

But we've all noticed how differently you have been behaving.

And,

Um,

No offense,

But you're a lot nicer to be around than you used to be.

We just wondered if you were on antidepressants.

Shortly afterwards,

His company was laying off a third of the workforce,

But Ed's contribution had been so valuable,

They asked him to stay on.

Even so,

Ed had figured out that what he needed was a fresh start,

And wanted to do his own thing.

Armed with a new level of self-esteem,

He managed to negotiate a 10-month severance package,

And is now happily running his own multi-million pound business.

Ed was able to transfer his improved relationship skills to his interactions with his family,

And with his partner.

In so doing,

His personal life also became much more harmonious.

Everybody likes to feel that they're in control of their own lives.

It can be scary to feel out of control,

Or that outside forces determine what you do,

And how you do it.

In truth,

Nothing feels better than knowing that you're in the driver's seat,

And in charge of your future.

So here we look at tolerance and acceptance,

And how the latter can free us.

There's an important difference between tolerance and acceptance.

Tolerance means we put up with something,

Because we think we have to.

But we don't like it at all,

And it upsets us all the time.

In tolerance,

The negative stimulus never goes away.

We have decided to assimilate it into our emotional landscape without actually accepting it,

And taking it on board.

It will be a burden that weighs us down,

As it has a negative impact on our feelings,

And on our interactions with others.

It's like a grain of sand in your shoe.

Irritating,

Painful,

And more than often,

Damaging.

Acceptance is when we understand that a particular situation might not be great,

But that it is what it is.

We then must take responsibility for how we react to it.

People may be doing things that we don't like,

Or that a certain situation is not ideal.

But once we figure out what we can control,

What we can influence,

And what we cannot control,

Then we must accept the situation for what it is.

We cannot allow it to erode our well-being,

And we must live with the calm understanding that it is not part of who we are,

Or how we choose to live our lives.

I feel very strongly that if we merely tolerate something,

We're not being true to ourselves,

And we're potentially causing ourselves great damage by undermining our sense of self-worth.

It's my belief that there is no space for simply tolerating things that are making us feel unhappy or unfulfilled.

When I was training to be a coach,

All the students were asked to think of a situation that they were tolerating.

At first,

I balked at this concept,

As I truly felt that we had to tolerate certain situations,

And that that was our lot in life.

Some things just had to be tolerated.

The instructor explained the concept further and pushed me.

After gaining some control over my belligerence,

I thought hard and came up with something quite silly.

As I was living on a tight budget,

I didn't want to spend a lot of money on clothes.

When I did spend money,

It was on the items that everybody could see,

That snazzy pair of shoes or a fabulous dress.

The result was that all my underwear was gray,

Stretched out,

And had started to get holes.

I was tolerating this situation,

But it was annoying me and chipping away at my happiness.

I had been telling myself that it didn't matter.

Who saw my underwear anyway?

Was it not more important for me to present myself to the world by dressing well on the outside?

As insignificant as this problem may appear,

I was actually getting pretty annoyed looking at my ratty briefs every day.

I decided not to tolerate the situation any longer,

Threw the old underwear away,

And bought new items at an inexpensive chain store.

They weren't fancy,

But at least they didn't have any holes,

And I was happier because I felt better about my decisions and myself.

When it comes to the people in our lives,

We can also choose to move away from them or to accept them as they are.

There is no point in wishing and hoping that others will change.

Because they are,

Or should be,

In the driver's seat of their own lives.

We can support and help them when they need us,

But we cannot fundamentally change them.

There are people we don't want to move away from,

Like family members,

But we find ourselves tolerating them,

And that makes us really unhappy.

So at this point,

It may be helpful to go back and look at their values,

And see if we can accept those people because we know they're living in accordance with their values.

If we are lucky,

We recognize that they possess some similar values to our own,

And we can nurture our similarities rather than our differences.

Sometimes this kind of exploration benefits the situation,

And sometimes it doesn't,

But it's very much worth giving it a go.

We might find we can accept a lot more than we would have thought,

And therefore,

We can decrease the amount we tolerate and accept them for who they are.

In so doing,

Life will be a lot easier for us.

Making the decision between situations in your life that you're tolerating and those you've accepted is an important step in eliminating things that are a drain.

It's good to understand that tolerating parts of your life that bother you doesn't really help anyone and will ultimately hurt you.

The Art of Positive Thinking Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter,

Except by your permission.

Arnold Bennett People who are happy see the world in a clearer,

More focused way than others.

They make better decisions and function more productively.

Like Ed,

We must make a choice to see what is positive around us.

You will experience many benefits to your personal,

Emotional,

And professional lives when thinking positively and being happy.

An important byproduct of deliberately choosing to be happy is the ability afforded by your newfound confidence to give yourself permission to live in a way that is consistent with your vision for yourself each and every day.

The merits of positive living are far-reaching and have profound impact on success,

Health,

Longevity,

Relationships,

And more.

Footnote 8 Sean Acor,

The Happiness Advantage The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work Virgin Books,

2011 Footnote 9 Martin E.

P.

Seligman,

PhD Authentic Happiness Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment Atria Books,

2004 Learning how to think in a positive way can be tremendously liberating and helpful,

And really,

Who doesn't want to be happier?

Changing Negative Self-Talk to Positive Self-Talk Often,

When I meet clients for the first time,

I find that they're very hard on themselves.

They say,

I'm so stupid,

Gosh,

Why did I do it that way?

Or there I go again.

They berate themselves for past decisions and hold negative opinions of their overall conduct.

I wonder out loud how they think they'll get ahead when they constantly say such harsh things about themselves.

We need to learn to be kind to ourselves.

If we don't speak to ourselves positively,

How can we expect anyone else to?

One of the first exercises I get my clients to do is to make a mental or written tally of each time they say something negative about themselves.

When they come back the next session with their list,

They're always amazed at how often they feed themselves with negative reinforcement.

The next part of the work lies in either stopping them from uttering or thinking the negative phrase,

Or turning it into a positive one.

Instead of saying,

That was stupid of me,

They can say,

What did I learn from this situation?

How can I do better the next time?

Or change it all together and focus on what they did well,

Rather than what they did poorly.

Practicing Gratitude One of the most important tools for developing a more positive way of thinking is practicing gratitude.

I'm not talking about just saying thank you when someone does something nice for you.

I'm talking about thinking quite deeply about all the things that you're grateful for.

All the things that are positive and encouraging in your life.

One of the best ways to help your mind to tune into happiness is to learn how to identify the good in your environment.

Unfortunately,

Many people focus on the negatives instead.

Practicing Gratitude helps you see all the many things in and around your life that are good and positive for you.

Some people identify three things that they are grateful for and write them down first thing in the morning.

This exercise prepares them to have a positive mindset for the rest of the day.

Others do the same thing at night.

When they look back at the day and find three things they experienced that they feel good about,

Providing them with a positive sense of closure.

Some families do it over the dinner table so they can share their experiences of the day in a positive and collaborative manner.

These people think or talk not just about what three things that made them grateful,

But also why.

In so doing,

They explore the richness of the experience and the associated positive emotions.

For example,

A lot of people say,

I'm grateful for my family.

Exploring this in the context of the day in question,

They might find they're grateful because they knew they would be at home at the end of the day and look forward to a lovely family dinner,

Which made them feel loved,

Safe and secure.

Whilst many work on thinking positively at specific times of the day and make it part of their routine,

I draw out this tool when things get difficult.

I think it's a very useful trick to practice gratitude in times of crisis as a way of finding the silver lining,

Regardless of how trying the situation is.

Shortly before I started writing this book,

My patience was put to the test.

It was the Jubilee weekend and everybody in Britain was celebrating the 60th year of the Queen's reign.

I had invited some friends to celebrate with me in my flat.

Shortly before they were due to arrive,

My one and only loo literally exploded.

Great.

It was not an easy day.

But I gritted my teeth and realized that I would not get through it very well if I didn't find something positive in the situation.

What are you grateful for in this situation,

Priya?

I asked myself.

I thought for a minute or so and came up with a reasonably long list.

I was lucky to be living in the 21st century.

200 years earlier,

If I had been living in the same place,

I would have not had indoor plumbing and I would have had to use a chamber pot.

I quickly realized how grateful I was there was a plumber just a phone call away and that I knew that even if it was a nuisance,

Unlike in many countries,

Pretty soon everything would be back to normal and there wouldn't be a problem anymore.

Besides,

The porter let us use his loo.

It took a week for my landlord and the plumber to actually fix the defective loo.

But all the while,

I held on to the knowledge that it could have been much worse given different circumstances.

When I explain the technique of practicing gratitude to clients,

I sometimes find that they look at me with some cynicism and say something along the lines of,

Well,

Isn't that very Pollyanna-ish?

Pollyanna was the young protagonist of Eleanor H.

Porter's 1913 novel of the same name.

She was the epitome of an optimist.

She even made up a game called the glad game in which one had to find something one was glad for in every situation.

So when clients are taken aback by having to essentially play the glad game,

I say that learning how to see the positives,

Even when things are really difficult,

Is one of the most important actions we can take to be happy.

I think Pollyanna had a point.

The more we become accustomed to looking for positives,

The more we exercise the relevant muscle and the easier it will be to remain essentially happy.

Change is possible.

Before we go any further,

Let me address the myth that it's difficult to change our habits.

In fact,

Our brains have been proven to show physical change with certain stimuli,

Giving us the potential to alter our outlook and actions.

Scientists are only just starting to understand that no matter how entrenched our patterns of thinking are,

Our brains can still change.

Our bodies stop growing when we reach adulthood,

But the brain is capable of changing,

Morphing,

Reshaping and relearning throughout our lives to suit our needs.

This research is called neuroplasticity,

And whilst completely fascinating,

It is way too large a field to expand on much further here.

Footnote 10.

Norman Doidge.

The brain that changes itself.

Penguin,

2007.

However,

Because I'm such a Londoner,

I just had to share a study that looked at London taxi drivers and the part of the brain that is thought to govern spatial navigation,

The hippocampus.

Footnote 11.

Eleanor Maguire et al.

Navigation-related structural change in the hippocampi of taxi drivers.

Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America.

Volume 97,

1999.

London can be very higgledy-piggledy,

So taxi drivers need to take a test known as the knowledge,

Which can take up to three years to train for and pass.

Taxi drivers need to be very good at spatial navigation to get around quickly and easily.

The researchers looked at taxi drivers of varying ages and experience who had all passed the knowledge.

Interestingly,

The veteran drivers had larger hippocampi than their novice counterparts.

Specifically,

Their anterior hippocampus was more developed.

This showed that the brain was able to adapt to what it was needed for.

Many people who have suffered from devastating brain injuries can regain many of their abilities.

The signals in the brain learn to circumnavigate the damaged area and find another,

Different way to enable the person's functions.

This shows that not only is the brain capable of acclimating to what we need it for,

But that it is also capable of dramatic healing.

I once knew a 20-something man who had had an accident that resulted in a subdural hematoma,

Bleeding in the brain.

He lost some of his vision and had severe issues with his memory.

He had to learn to be self-reliant all over again.

He started by navigating the streets by foot,

Then by bicycle,

And finally by driving again.

He lived at home with his parents until he adamantly requested that he get a place of his own.

He would stick notes up all over the place to remind him to turn off the oven or lock the door.

He was told he would never go back to university and that he should consider vocational training with repetitive work.

He did go back to university and earned his bachelor's degree.

He then went on to graduate in the top 5% of his class at a top MBA program.

He is now a marketing executive,

Has started a few businesses of his own,

And sits on various philanthropic boards.

Who says the brain can't rewire itself?

Many clients start by saying they cannot change,

But I tell them that's just an excuse for fear or lack of interest.

If the brain can change,

So can we.

We simply have to commit to change,

Choose to tune into the positive stimuli in our environment,

And channel happiness as often as we can.

Developing positive habits Over the years,

We can pick up a few bad or unproductive habits more easily than productive ones.

These habits get automatically hardwired into our brains.

The good news here is that we can train our brains to hardwire the positive habits as well.

Conventional wisdom proposes that it takes 21 days to change a habit.

Footnote 12.

Maxwell Maltz.

Psycho-Cybernetics.

A new way to get more living out of life.

Pocket Books,

Revised Edition,

1989.

Originally,

1960.

This means that if we want to add a life habit to or subtract one from our routine,

We have to start off by doing or not doing the activity for 21 consecutive days.

In the process,

Our brain will rewire itself,

And the habit will gradually become subconscious.

So,

If you want to add a fun activity or an action that will bring peace and happiness into your life,

You can consciously do so by making yourself carry it out every day for 21 days.

Once you've practiced this for 21 days,

It will be ingrained in your mind as the norm.

You can do this with going to the gym,

Practicing an instrument,

Or engaging in any activity you desire.

By the end of the 21 days,

It will be much easier to keep the new habit in your routine.

I decided to address my bad habit of leaving dirty dishes in the sink.

My little flat didn't have a dishwasher.

I felt really disgusted with myself every time I went into the kitchen and saw a huge pile of mess.

I printed out a 21-day calendar,

Posted it on the kitchen cabinet,

And checked off each day after I washed the dishes,

Giving myself a gold star if I washed up after each meal.

Ideally,

I would have liked to have had an empty sink every evening,

But that was too much to ask of me.

However,

As I washed and checked off the days on the chart,

I started feeling happier.

I started to look forward to having a clean kitchen.

At the same time,

Something else very interesting happened.

I started to be comfortable in the kitchen.

I started to cook healthy food instead of just microwaving packaged food.

I felt better,

And I lost weight just from washing my dishes.

When something starts to go better,

Everything associated with it becomes easier too.

It has a trickle-down effect.

Affirmations for Positive Thinking We are shaped by our thoughts.

We become what we think.

When the mind is pure,

Joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.

Buddha Affirmations are specific statements used to elicit positive thoughts.

To use them,

Create a sentence you can come back to that will help you refocus on an empowering mindset.

This can be a very valuable tool.

Saying allows something along the lines of,

I trust myself to make the right decisions for me,

Can help to solidify the decisions you've made that require confidence to put them into action.

Affirmations should be in the present tense and be encouraging,

And they need not represent exactly what you're feeling at a particular point in time.

They can represent the reality you aspire to,

Rather than the one you're currently experiencing.

For me,

Affirmations are a great tool when I'm feeling stressed or things aren't going so well.

An important one for me is,

I am happy,

I am healthy,

And I am well.

Many people have a similar affirmation that they use when they're feeling out of balance or out of sorts.

Make up an affirmation for yourself and use it like a mantra.

I find,

When I repeat my affirmation over and over again,

I calm down and I'm more able to continue the task at hand.

Putting the thought into words can be the first step towards subconsciously gearing your actions towards achieving it.

You can also post these affirmations on your bathroom mirror,

On your phone's wallpaper,

Or beside your bed.

You can list them on your computer,

Or in a notebook or journal,

Or you can put them on flashcards you refer to when you need a bolster.

The point is,

These are phrases you can make up and refer to whenever you want.

If you're having trouble coming up with some,

Then you might,

At first,

Want to take a look at Louise Hay's Power Thought Cards.

Footnote 13.

Louise Hay,

Power Thought Cards,

Hay House,

2004.

Vanessa,

A Story of the Dividends of Happiness.

Vanessa came in for coaching because she was unhappy with her work situation.

A self-employed PR consultant,

She found it very difficult to find new clients.

She was limping by with a few regular clients,

But really wanted to ramp things up a notch and start to realize her potential.

We worked on developing affirmations that would help her to move forward.

That would make her feel more positive and proactive.

And literally,

Within a week,

She had signed up a new client.

Using affirmations and training the brain to think along more positive lines is not magic.

Vanessa came up with the affirmation,

I am good at what I do,

And I have clients whom I like working with.

Affirmations opened up her mind and heart to new possibilities,

And she primed herself to see and be more accepting of the opportunities that were presented to her.

It's all about mindset.

Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't,

You're right,

Henry Ford.

In A New Earth,

Eckhart Tolle describes a scenario in which a driver gets a flat tire.

Footnote 14,

Penguin,

2008.

The driver is already late for an appointment and is immediately annoyed.

He has two choices in this situation.

Either he gets cross and stands on the side of the road cursing and feeling upset,

Or he changes the tire and gets on with things.

Either way,

He knows he's going to arrive at his destination a little late,

And there is nothing he can do about that.

When the scenario is put in such a logical manner,

The choices seem obvious to me.

We can choose to get irritated and upset or to see the problem for what it is,

Get on with the job at hand,

And then move along.

We can choose how to approach each obstacle in our path.

If we choose to see it as a negative,

Then it will invariably get us down.

We have to understand and take advantage of the fact that every experience in life,

Regardless of how difficult,

Can be a learning experience,

And that nothing can undo how much we've achieved.

We can be grateful for the strengths that we've acquired in the course of our journey.

We can also recognize that some of the difficult things we've experienced were not our fault.

This is not about blaming,

But about understanding reality and coming to terms with it.

I'm not here to tell you that every bad thing in your life has happened for a reason,

But it is important to recognize that we can learn something from every experience.

Difficult and despairing experiences can teach us as much as positive ones,

Or at least they don't have to be our undoing.

Each of us lives a unique life that reflects our past and our experience of family and friends.

Like many people with a generally absent father,

I found that my father's personality loomed large in my life,

Both before and after he left.

I remember being about 10 years old and sitting in front of my mother's vanity table while she put eye gel and concealer under my eyes to hide the dark circles.

I was upset,

Because I felt as though this meant my mother thought that I was not good enough the way I was.

But what I didn't know was that she felt under huge pressure to make everything perfect for my father.

She had to be perfect,

And so did I.

Even after he had gone,

The feelings continued.

Whilst I cannot undo this memory or do anything about the confusing dynamics in my family at the time,

The experience was a blessing in disguise.

I have used eye cream every day since I was 15,

And that has certainly worked to my advantage.

I have fewer wrinkles than most of my peers,

And some say I look younger than my age.

Although the action may have been born out of unhealthy sentiment,

Once I overcame it,

I knew that dwelling on it was nothing more than wasted energy.

More importantly,

I've turned those feelings of shame into gratitude for my mother's actions.

Mindset is constant choice,

And it's a personal one.

At first,

You'll consciously have to switch from a negative one to a positive one.

In time,

You'll also see that having a positive mindset is fun and much more peaceful,

And thinking this way will become automatic.

Exercise.

Make a playlist.

Nothing speaks to our emotions as strongly as music.

A fun way to engage with your emotions and switch your mindset or mood to a more productive,

Positive,

Or relaxed one is to make a playlist of songs and music that captures the mood you want to experience.

If you want to relax,

Make a soothing playlist that will allow you to drift off somewhere.

If you're going out and want to overcome any nerves or shyness,

Make a playlist with fun,

Upbeat,

And empowering tracks.

Which song first comes to mind for you?

I might choose Shania Twain's I Ain't No Quitter.

Playing music can quickly help switch your mindset and give you a way of accessing self-made empowerment at any time.

The playlist can be as highbrow or as cheesy as you like.

No one but you need listen to it.

I rather embarrassingly like world-renowned classical music conductor Bobby McFerrin's 1988 hit,

Don't Worry,

Be Happy.

Give yourself permission to have fun.

Do you sometimes think,

Well,

I just don't have the time to have fun?

I don't want to seem silly and frivolous.

Or,

Having fun makes no money.

And then what happens?

Do you have fun anyhow?

Or negate that side of you?

Now consider how you feel after having had a little fun,

A good laugh,

Or a let-it-all-hang-loose dance.

What is your mood like at this point?

How does your body feel?

What do people say about you?

Generally,

I suspect you feel lighter,

Calmer,

And maybe freer.

I know I do.

People might also point out how good you look and be attracted to your spirit and energy.

So why do so many refuse to give themselves permission to have fun or feel guilty about it?

Many people feel that having fun is a waste of time or that they shouldn't be taking the time out.

Also,

In the conventional workplace,

Having fun is seen as goofing off or as being unproductive.

Increasingly,

However,

Many of the new companies,

Especially technology companies like Google and Yahoo,

Have come to see that it's good to encourage play and,

In fact,

It increases productivity.

Prospective employees are told on Google's website that fun and play are an integral part of their company's culture and a component of their success.

I cannot tell you how many clients look at me blankly when I ask them what they do for fun.

They have no idea,

And when pressed to come up with something,

They squirm in their seats and often show real resistance to giving themselves permission to even think of doing something for themselves.

This is when I ask them to tell me what they used to do for fun when they were younger,

Less busy,

And had fewer responsibilities.

Generally,

They can remember something.

A flicker of recognition crosses their face,

And they visibly relax.

Let's take a look at Jack,

Whose story we heard in Chapter 5,

Give Yourself Permission to Know You Matter.

You'll recall that,

After much probing,

He remembered how he used to work with his father in the shed and how much fun it was.

Even though his father was no longer around to share his time and hobby,

Jack could modify the activity and still get great pleasure out of it.

Exercise.

Fun.

What did you used to do that made you happy?

Something that was a lot of fun?

Is there an element of whatever it was that you could take and blend with your current lifestyle?

What would the activity look like now?

What actions would you need to take to make this fun activity happen?

What small changes might you have to make?

So,

Are you willing to give fun a go and not feel guilty about it?

Are you ready to take pleasure in the action alone and recognize how it makes you feel?

What do you hope to get out of having more fun?

Many find they're far more productive at home and work after having had a little fun and are more engaged with those around them.

So,

Why not go out and have some fun?

Don't worry.

Be happy.

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have,

But rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.

Friedrich Koenig.

Life is simply more enjoyable and much more peaceful when you make the choice to focus on the positive.

By looking around you for what is good and what you are grateful for,

You will find it easier to make healthy choices for yourself.

You'll be more fun to be around and you'll attract friends and colleagues who enhance your life rather than take away from it.

It's also very useful to choose the freedom of acceptance over the acid of tolerance.

At first,

It might seem quite challenging to change your mindset to a predominantly positive one.

You may find it quite difficult to recognize when you speak to or about yourself in a negative way,

But once you catch yourself,

The goal will be to stop in your tracks and change that negative thought or comment to a positive one.

You might have to force yourself at first,

But a positive way of thinking will lead to higher self-worth,

Self-esteem,

Confidence,

And ultimately a firm foundation for you to springboard into the life you dream of.

The Permission Journey,

Stage 5.

You have now arrived on top of the world at the Franz Josef Land Archipelagos in the Arctic Ocean.

You have traveled through the stage of giving yourself permission to be happy.

Here,

You've had a little fun and explored how to change your mindset through gratitude and positive self-talk.

The journey itself is the process.

Everything you have become aware of,

Everything you have learned,

And everything you have started to implement in your everyday life.

Here is the same set of questions you've heard previously,

But this time,

Hold your mindset in the forefront of your mind as you answer them.

As before,

These questions allow you to gauge where you are and what you've learned.

As always,

It's good to take stock of how far you've come,

And your answers to these questions will act as a celebration of sorts.

Remember,

It's all about taking souvenirs with you and leaving behind items that just weigh down your suitcase.

One,

What did you learn for and about yourself in this chapter?

Two,

What tools or realizations are you going to take with you on your journey?

Three,

What traits,

Behaviors,

Thoughts,

Or memories are you going to leave behind?

Armed with your newfound sense of happiness,

You are now ready to embark on the next stage of your journey.