Going With The Flow

Hi everyone,

It's Stephanie Boxerbaum.

Thank you so much for meditating with me today.

For today's practice,

We're going to be doing a going with the flow practice.

As you know,

One of my favorite topics.

So I'll be sharing some thoughts on this,

And then we'll do a little bit of a guided practice.

So when we examine this idea of going with the flow,

I invite you just to take a minute to check in to see how that feels right now.

Like there are days if someone said to me,

Just go with the flow,

I probably would be irritated by that,

Which I believe is totally fine.

The idea is not that we're trying to be like Buddha on the mountaintop,

Always able to just go with the flow and nothing matters and everything's easy.

It's not sort of that typical way of thinking with going with the flow,

Right?

That's kind of the ego,

Like don't tell me what to do.

In these practices,

When we're meditating,

If I can put on my awareness hat and someone were to say to me,

How are you feeling about going with the flow right now?

I can actually ask myself that question and be really honest to say,

Wow,

Right now going with the flow does not seem like an option.

I'm having a lot of resistance or use whatever word you want,

But checking in with yourself to really see how are things feeling?

How are things doing?

In Pema Chodron's book,

Start Where You Are,

The second chapter literally is called Pulling Out The Rug.

The whole book in general is really about,

It's a guide to compassionate living and how oftentimes,

Let's say you've never meditated before or you've never really felt a lot of compassion toward yourself or whatever it is.

Sometimes we're harder on ourselves like,

Well,

I can't meditate.

I don't know how to do it or this,

Well,

In a few weeks,

Then I'll be ready to do it.

In the book titled Start Where You Are,

I just really love it because even in the beginning of the book,

She just talks about how it is okay to just start where you are.

You have zero meditation practice.

You can just take five minutes and just simply practice breathing and simply practice noticing where the mind goes and just set a timer and just start where you are without the judgment.

The idea here is that in meditation,

When we want to incorporate this idea of going with the flow and like,

What is that?

The concept really is that when we can sit and practice continuity of attention,

Let's just say on the breath or even of the thoughts and getting aware of those things,

We're allowing more space in our daily lives.

So instead of holding on so tight,

We can kind of come back to our meditation practice and say,

Oh,

Well,

Remember when I was just trying to pay attention to my breath,

But I kept having so many thoughts and instead of being hard on myself,

I was able to kind of go,

You know what?

I'm just going to come back to my breath and it's okay.

So then when you're in your daily life and there's challenge and there's a change of schedule or whatever the case may be,

That sort of is your interruption of going with the flow,

You can think back to what we were doing in meditation and what you're practicing,

Which is this ability to focus in the mind,

Right?

And have awareness without really any outcome.

We just notice,

Just noticing what's happening.

So let's say,

Like at the beginning of this conversation,

I'm saying,

Okay,

If someone were to say to you,

Hey,

How's it going?

Like,

How does it feel to go with the flow?

It's not that you're trying to even change your reaction.

It's just,

We're practicing being aware.

And the more awareness we have,

The bigger our resourcing becomes to kind of know what to do next.

Like I was talking to a friend of mine and she said,

You know,

I'm kind of an under thinker.

And I thought to myself,

Wow,

I don't know if I've ever thought that,

That I under think things.

And we had this really interesting conversation about just life and things and work and stress and all these things,

Right?

And so I bring this up because everyone has a different approach and how they are moving through challenge,

Moving through life.

And all of us are different and everyone gets to do whatever works for them.

When we come to meditation,

It's when we can kind of practice the things that are not working for us,

Right?

Like if there's so much tension,

There's so much stress,

It's like in chapter two of this book,

It's like pulling the rug out.

We want everything to feel solid.

We want everything to feel steady.

But we all know that that is not going to happen every single day,

All the time,

Exactly how we want it.

So what do we do with that?

Because one option is we could be frustrated all the time as one option,

I suppose.

The other is kind of carry what we're practicing in meditation into daily life.

And that's really this sense of equanimity,

Right?

It's kind of how can we be the mountain?

How can we be unwavering?

And that shouldn't be confused with not feeling the feelings.

The idea is we still feel everything,

But we want to look at our suffering.

And I've talked about this before.

Suffering is not really a word that I necessarily love,

Right?

I don't know if anyone really loves it.

But when you start to really think about it,

Whether it's suffering,

Whether it's tension,

Whatever resonates,

Oftentimes in a time where it's the opposite of going with the flow,

Because whatever you thought was going to happen changed,

Whatever you're wanting to do isn't.

I mean,

There's a million external factors.

We want to let that internal compass be louder than the external circumstances.

So for tonight's practice,

We're just going to do a little bit of breathing,

A little bit of settling,

And kind of just cultivating that sense of equanimity,

That place to go back to.

So if tomorrow or the rest of your day or whatever it becomes,

Kind of rattles you about,

You can come back to this moment and remind yourself,

Huh,

Here's sort of some of these ways I'm planting seeds for myself.

So when things aren't going exactly as planned,

I can still come back to a place of steadiness,

A place of ease,

And what really feels true and right for you in that moment.

So on that note,

Finding a comfortable seat.

That could be laying down as well,

Whatever really feels good to you today.

Gently closing your eyes or finding a soft gaze,

Depending on what feels comfortable today.

And just taking a gentle inhale in and a deep exhale out.

And doing that once again,

Deep inhale in and a gentle exhale out.

Letting the body settle.

And I invite you to think of one thing that you're grateful for.

Whatever comes to mind first.

Gratitude is such an amazing practice,

As it allows this idea of non-judgment in a very simple way.

You don't have to judge what you're grateful for.

It could be something that seems really big.

It could be something really small.

And when we can integrate this practice into just daily life,

It's that kind of beginning step of just letting yourself be at ease.

Continuing to take a gentle inhale in and a deep exhale out.

We're going to take these next few minutes.

There'll be some music playing in the background.

To just take a moment to get acquainted with the breath.

So maybe that looks like breathing in and breathing out.

And putting the attention on the breath going in and out of the nostrils.

You could potentially be just putting your hands on your belly,

Watching the rise and fall of the stomach as the breath goes in and out.

Whatever feels good today.

And you will notice thinking.

And that's okay.

We are not trying to stop the thinking.

You can even label the thinking as clouds.

So when you have a thought,

It's just like a cloud going by and you gently come back to the breath.

So I'll watch our time here.

And just continuing to allow yourself to settle and find some ease.

On this next inhale in,

I invite you to think of a situation where perhaps things are not going with the flow.

You don't have to think of anything super challenging,

Just something kind of easy where it's kind of not going exactly as planned.

And now just bringing that situation to mind.

You're going to let go of whatever story is there and just sense into the body where you feel the tension.

And it's okay if you aren't even sure.

Just taking a moment to notice with this situation where things are not exactly going with the flow,

Where do you feel that tension in the body?

And just allowing the breath and yourself to share some kind energy with that tension.

Not because you found an immediate answer,

But to really allow yourself to ask the question,

What do I need so I can feel like I can go with the flow?

And maybe a word that comes up or a phrase.

We don't need to be looking for any specific answer.

It's just allowing for this letting go,

Even if it's just slightly.

And not to be contradictory,

But it's also okay if you notice resistance.

Or simply asking,

What do I need to help with this situation so I can go with the flow?

And I'll watch our time here as we explore this moment and extending an offering of ease that can really surround you with this kind of exploration.

On this next deep inhale in and a gentle exhale out,

I offer this phrase,

I have everything I need to find ease.

I have everything I need to find ease.

Often,

When we want a lot out of life,

Life comes with a lot of different things.

And we can still be ambitious,

Driven,

Go after what we want and still find a way to go with the flow.

So we'll rest here with these next few minutes.

Practicing with the phrase,

Or coming up with something new that works better for you tonight.

It's really all up to you.

And what feels good in this moment that you can take out into the world with you as a reminder that you can bring this sense of flow in.

At any time you want.

It can all be a very gentle choice.

Taking a gentle inhale in and a deep exhale out.

Bringing some feeling back into the body,

Maybe wiggling the fingers,

Wiggling the toes.

Kind of coming back into the space.

And when you're ready,

Gently opening your eyes.

Thank you so much for meditating with me today.

And I am excited to meditate with you soon.

And sharing a final reminder,

As I always do,

That you are always enough as is.

I'll see you soon.