Meditation For Challenging Conversations

Hi,

This is Stephanie Boxerbaum.

Thank you so much for meditating with me today.

For today's meditation,

We're going to be doing a get centered and speak meditation.

Sometimes we are in the midst of challenging conversations,

Whether it's work,

Whether it's relationships,

And it's helpful to find a centered space to speak from.

Wanting to connect in really with what your truth is,

What your own power is,

And coming from the place of the wise mind.

Oftentimes with conversations,

We can be reactive,

We can kind of lean toward a certain side of ourselves that maybe isn't necessarily the wise mind,

But more our ego,

Or more needing to prove a point,

Make our voices known.

And in these practices,

Really from the mindfulness lens,

We want to be able to speak our truth from a mindful and centered place.

And that's not always easy.

So certainly this meditation isn't meant to solve anything or maybe even after you do this practice 25 times in a row,

You still may feel conflicted or not sure how to speak up or what you want to say.

But at the very least,

We can practice.

We can practice getting centered,

We can practice finding that calm,

Collected place of truth.

Not being fake,

Not being dishonest,

But being able to really communicate from the heart.

And that takes a lot of work,

A lot of intentional practice,

A lot of dedication in some ways,

Because it's really easy to react and kind of get angry or just say the first thing that comes to our mind without thinking of the other person.

But with mindful communication,

We really are looking at the layer below.

We're looking to go deeper and how we speak with other people.

And it doesn't mean we're going to always do it perfectly.

It doesn't mean that it's always going to work out how we want it to work out.

But if we can just practice,

It allows for growth in all of our relationships,

Including the one with ourselves.

So on that note,

Finding a place and space that feels comfortable to you and your body and your mind today.

Maybe that's laying down or sitting up or getting a blanket,

Whatever it is,

It really feels good to you.

Maybe this meditation,

You're doing some mindful walking,

If that's really what's speaking to you today.

Taking a gentle breath in and a deep breath out.

I'm letting the body settle here for a few moments.

I invite you to think of a situation where a conversation needs to be had.

You don't have to pick something that's really challenging.

It can even be a past situation,

Something where it's already resolved,

But maybe you want to investigate a different way of how you could have handled the situation.

So bringing that situation to mind.

Can you notice where you feel the conversation in your body?

Is there any tension you're noticing?

Often conversations that are uncomfortable can bring up tightness in the chest,

Or maybe you feel it in the belly.

We want to be really gentle here.

We're picking something that's not overly challenging,

But rather just something that we can explore for today.

And gently asking yourself,

Can I release this tension?

And maybe even asking,

May I release this tension?

As when we are approaching these kinds of scenarios,

When the body is tense,

When the mind is tense,

It's often more challenging to hear what the heart wants to say.

And when we come to a challenging conversation,

We want to engage all parts of ourselves,

The mind,

The body,

The spirit,

If you will,

Soul,

Whatever resonates with you.

And those are hard places to reach sometimes when we're caught kind of in the stress moment of whatever's happening.

So can you breathe in gently and exhale gently,

Bringing a sense of calm and ease to your space?

Taking whatever you need to do to feel at ease,

To know that you're supported.

And beginning to kind of ask yourself,

What would the wise mind have to say about this?

There are these four questions that we use often in mindful communication.

Is it timely?

Is it necessary?

Is it true?

And is it kind?

And you can reverse the order if you wish.

But these questions help us kind of get centered and oriented around having mindful communication.

And it's important to note that mindful does not necessarily mean easy.

We're not trying to bypass whatever the situation is,

But it's a way to allow yourself to have some peace and ease in a more empowering way.

So now in calling this situation to mind,

If you were to try to speak with this person,

Gently asking yourself,

What is my intention for this conversation?

What is my intention for this conversation?

By way of example,

It could be for both of us to leave feeling clear.

Or perhaps it's to hear both sides.

This does not need to be where everyone leaves feeling resolved.

That's an outcome that we can't really predict.

So we set an intention for ourselves.

How can we stay in our own truth to who we are,

To what we want to say,

Without doing harm?

And maybe the outcome of this meditation is that you're not ready to have the conversation,

And that's okay,

Too.

We do these practices so we can become aware,

Aware of how we're feeling,

Aware of whether we're ready or not to speak our peace or speak our mind without attachment to the outcome.

So just asking yourself again,

What is my intention for this conversation?

And once you have the intention down,

Beginning to envision how the conversation can go,

What is it that your wise mind and heart truly want to say?

With self-compassion practice,

We realize that at the heart of most challenging relationships,

Conversations,

Underneath it all,

There's this unmet need.

Maybe it's the need to be seen,

The need to be supported,

The need to be appreciated.

When we can get really honest with ourselves,

We can investigate this.

What is it that I really need in this conversation?

And when we can get clear on that,

We get to decide whether we really want an actual conversation or not.

So just coming closer into that intention you have for the conversation and checking in with what is the wise mind and the wise heart saying.

I always like to say,

Just because you don't say something now doesn't mean that you can never say it.

So even if the outcome is,

I'm not ready for a conversation,

That's okay.

You can give yourself more time.

And if you are ready to have a conversation,

Can you be at peace with the outcome knowing that it's uncertain and that anything you're choosing to say is because you're saying it for yourself.

Oftentimes we get caught up with whatever it is that we're going to say must elicit some certain type of response.

But with wise speech,

We're really looking at how we are communicating what we are saying.

It isn't pushing an agenda or an outcome in a way where there's really strong attachment.

We can all be hopeful and we can all have some kind of outcome in mind,

But with mindfulness,

We can practice not attaching to that.

So letting go for a moment of the conversation and what you want to say,

We're going to do some mindful breathing.

Connecting with the breath often brings a sense of ease and calm.

And when thoughts of this conversation come up,

You just gently come back to your anchor,

Which is the breath.

And you can see what arises later.

That's really the gift of mindfulness is that we don't have to continue ruminating over and over and over.

A conversation,

We can let it go and we can check in with our wise heart later as you continue to navigate whatever conversation that you're trying to have.

So maybe placing your hands on your belly,

If connecting in with the breath today isn't resonating,

Just watching the rise and fall of the belly as your anchor,

Or just focusing in on the in and out air coming through the nostrils in and out.

And we'll just rest here for these next few minutes.

Gently breathing in,

Gently breathing out,

Knowing that thoughts will come in and you just let those go by like clouds.

Coming back to the breath,

And that for now,

That's all the focus that you need to have.

Taking this next gentle deep inhale in and deep exhale out.

And just allowing the body and the mind to settle.

I encourage you after this practice,

If you're someone that likes to drink,

If you're someone that likes to journal,

Maybe just asking yourself and writing it down,

What did I notice during this meditation?

What kind of conversation do I want to have?

This is the type of practice that it may not be there.

Those answers may not be there immediately.

It may come later.

Maybe you're out doing whatever you're doing and you kind of have that aha moment.

We want to treat these considerations around these types of conversations carefully and with kindness.

This may be the first time you've even thought about having a difficult conversation with someone or needing to bring something up and that's okay.

That doesn't mean all the answers are there.

So we can take our time.

Bringing in mindful speech and the wise mind is not something that just happens overnight.

It takes consideration.

And it takes kind of deliberation in a way of really seeing how truthful or how open or how willing you are to communicating your truth with an uncertain outcome.

Taking another gentle deep breath in and a nice exhale out.

Beginning to come to your surroundings,

Maybe wiggling your fingers and toes.

And when you're ready,

Gently opening your eyes.

And as I always like to share the reminder,

You are always enough as is.

And if you have any questions at all around mindful communication,

Please feel free to message me.

Thank you so much for meditating with me today and I hope to be meditating again with you soon.