Welcome to Mindfulness and Dogs,
The podcast for dog audience walking the path of reactivity with heart,
Courage and compassion.
I'm Biggie,
Dog trainer,
Coach and lifelong student of mindfulness.
After many years with my own reactive dog,
I discovered that real change doesn't start with training the dog,
It starts with us.
Here we'll explore practical force-free tools,
Grounding practices and compassionate strategies to help you and your dog find more calm,
Connection and confidence on your walks together.
Because calmer walks don't start with a quick fix,
They start with you and your calm is your dog's safe place.
Hi and welcome to the show.
This is Mindfulness and Dogs and my name is Biggie,
Coach,
Trainer and a human being with a big heart for the messy sides of life with dogs.
Have you ever noticed how your dog seems to reflect more than just our training or daily routines?
Sometimes,
They show us the very strategies we've built to protect ourselves and,
If we look closely enough,
The deeper needs behind them.
In this episode,
I want to share how my late dog Charlie became that kind of mirror for me.
Tuning into these reflections can open up the door to more compassion,
Healing and connection with our dogs and with ourselves.
As usual,
Before we start,
Let's attune ourselves a little bit.
If it feels comfortable,
Rest a hand on your chest or on your belly.
Notice the rise and fall of your breath.
Simply observe it.
And then,
Think of a slightly challenging situation with your dog and keep breathing calmly.
As you inhale,
Acknowledge quietly,
This moment is challenging.
As you exhale,
Soften and think,
I am here with my dog.
Breathe in again,
Sensing care for yourself.
Breathe out,
Offering that same care to your dog.
Let each breath flow naturally in and out,
Allowing a sense of calm and connection to settle.
Stay here for a few more breaths,
Simply noticing,
Simply being.
With kindness toward yourself.
And your dog.
Then take one more slow breath and let two truths settle in on you.
You are both doing your best and that is enough.
Have you ever heard of the concept of the inner child?
It's the part of us that carries our childhood experiences and our scars into adulthood.
And it doesn't just live in our memories.
This child is still present in us,
Shaping how we feel,
How we act,
And how we relate to the world around us.
And that includes the way we relate to our dogs.
Because the patterns we learned when we were small don't stay in the past.
They show up in every close relationship we have.
And since our dogs are such intimate companions,
They often reflect our deepest patterns right back to us most clearly.
The intention of the inner child has always been to stay safe.
The strategies it created might have protected us once,
But they can end up limiting us now.
We may find ourselves running on autopilot,
Convinced that the way we see ourselves is the truth,
When it's really just a leftover survival story.
And those old stories show up in our life with dogs.
In what we expect of them.
In how we interpret their behavior.
And how we judge ourselves as their guardians.
Kiran Patel once said,
You can't uproot something you don't know exists.
That's why awareness is the first step.
We need to recognize those old beliefs,
Name them,
And then eventually let them go.
But before we can do that,
We have to reconnect with the child inside us.
The part that felt the hurt,
Alone,
And longed for safety.
We have to start with compassion.
For me,
Some of my strongest beliefs were rooted in the labels I carried from childhood.
I grew up convinced I wasn't lovable,
That I didn't belong,
And that I had no right to ask for anything,
Least of all for support or protection.
Independence became my shield.
I was determined to manage on my own.
And Charlie,
My soul dog who died last year,
Reflected that right back at me.
He was often reserved and deeply self-determined,
Choosing his own way in the world.
Often,
When I longed for closeness and a sense of belonging together,
What I met instead was his quiet distance.
It wasn't rejection,
It was simply who he was.
But in his independence,
I came to see my own.
His distance made me realize just how much I was holding back,
How fiercely I clung to standing alone.
Painful as that was,
It showed me what I truly longed for,
Connection and a sense of belonging.
And of course,
The same pattern played out with his reactivity.
When Charlie struggled,
I felt I had to fix it alone,
Without reaching out or admitting how hard it was.
I only recently began to connect the dots,
That by reconnecting with the child inside me,
Learning to offer her the safety and support she had always longed for,
I was also opening myself up to connection and support.
And maybe you felt something similar.
Our dogs don't just challenge us with their behavior,
They stir up the deepest parts of us.
The fear of not being good enough.
The shame of not being in control.
And the longing to be accepted just as we are.
Our dogs can act like living mirrors,
Not in a simple superficial kind of way,
But in a way that reveals both our protective strategies and the unmet needs beneath them.
And when we begin to notice that,
Something changes.
When we practice compassion,
We start building a different kind of relationship with both ourselves and our dogs.
One based not on control and conditioning,
But on compassion and connection.
Let's take a moment to explore some of the beliefs you might be carrying.
You can do this while sitting down or walking with your dog.
If you're listening while driving,
Please pull over safely.
And if you're at home,
You might even pause here to grab a pen and paper.
Take a slow breath in through your nose,
Filling your belly,
And let the exhale come naturally.
Breathe in through your belly,
Then breathe out through your mouth.
And again,
In through the nose.
Wait for the breath to turn,
And out through the mouth.
Now bring your dog to mind.
Notice what expectations you may carry for them.
Perhaps it's that they should get along with every single dog they meet,
Or respond instantly to your cues.
Stay quiet even when they're uncomfortable.
Follow you everywhere without hesitation,
No matter how loud or busy.
Or maybe that they should always bring you comfort and unconditional love when you require it.
As you hear these phrases,
Just notice what happens inside you.
Do you feel anything in your body?
Maybe a tightening somewhere in your shoulders perhaps?
A shift in your breathing?
Warmth?
Cold?
Heaviness?
Tingling?
Stay with whatever arises.
Simply notice.
Now,
Turn toward yourself as a dog guardian.
What are the expectations you place on you?
Perhaps that you must always stay in control,
Avoid negative attention,
Know everything about your dog's behavior,
Provide perfect food enrichment and training,
Or help them recover from their reactivity as quickly as possible.
Again,
Notice how your body responds as you hear these words.
Maybe in your jaw,
Your hands,
Your chest,
Or somewhere else entirely.
Don't analyze,
Just sense.
Let your body tell you.
And now,
Let all those thoughts fade into the background.
Come back to your breathing.
In through the nose,
Out through the mouth.
Nothing to fix,
Nothing to do.
Simply breathe.
Our dogs don't just share life with us.
They reflect the hidden parts of ourselves,
Including the beliefs and strategies we've carried since childhood.
When we pause to notice the expectations we place on them and ourselves,
We begin to see what's really driving our reactions.
And in that awareness lies the chance to soften,
To meet both our dogs and ourselves with compassion.
And so,
Take the first step toward change,
Together.
