Healing Happens From The Inside Out - Children Cannot Heal Their Parents

Hey guys,

I hope that you guys are doing amazing wherever you are in the world.

My name is Boomshika and I welcome you to my channel.

I'm so grateful that you guys are listening,

Subscribing and commenting on my channel.

I really appreciate the support.

In this video,

I want to speak to you guys about wounded parents and how it is not the responsibility of a child,

Of their child,

To heal their parents.

It's not the responsibility of the children to heal their parents.

This is something that actually is a really difficult topic for me to speak about.

Even right now as I'm speaking about it and I know that's the essence,

That's the truth.

Even then,

As an INFJ,

As an empath,

As a highly sensitive person,

As a person who cares about the people on this planet and about her family,

I really feel this angst inside of me,

This existential crisis that says,

But what do you mean?

I'm not supposed to be healing or helping heal my parents.

Who else is supposed to do that?

I'm the one.

I've done all this work on myself.

I live this awesome life.

My parents gave me this life and I can give back to them by trying to heal them.

I think I should say in essence or in general,

It's not anyone's responsibility to heal someone else.

No one can heal someone else,

I really think.

Even when you go to a psychotherapist,

They're not really healing you.

They're just laying down the brickworks or the groundwork so that you can heal yourself.

They're giving you some foundation work,

They're giving you some tools so that you can do the work and heal yourself.

All of these therapists,

All these healing modalities,

They're not so that that person can come heal you.

I think that's where the problem is because most people are like,

All right,

Heal me.

I'm ready.

All right,

Do it.

That's not how it works.

You're not going to someone to be healed.

They're not the ones healing you.

You're healing yourself through those tools,

Through the foundation work that's laid down or through your own work.

Self-reflection,

Journaling,

Meditation,

Going deep within,

Looking at the shadows that you have within yourself,

Looking at all those slimy bits and learning to love yourself,

Learning more about yourself in the process and then realizing that all right,

Cool,

I feel a little bit better.

I feel a little bit healed more than before.

But obviously the process is a lifelong process.

The reason I particularly want to focus on parents versus children and how children nowadays I feel have kind of been given this responsibility.

Parents kind of give the children this responsibility that all right,

Cool,

I did all this stuff for you.

I worked really hard.

I sacrificed my life.

I worked like a crazy person and I did all of these things so that you could have an amazing life and you did and you had more opportunities than me.

You still have more opportunities than me.

You have more money.

You have more luxuries.

You have a better life than me.

So cool.

In order to have an equal give and take,

I gave you all of this and now it's time for you to give back to me by taking care of me,

Not only taking care of me in my old age,

Obviously financially and things like that,

But also trying to heal me because I have had a tough life because of you.

If I didn't have you,

Perhaps I would have had an easier life and I have to deal with all of this stuff.

I didn't have time to heal myself because I was focused on taking care of you and now it's your responsibility to heal me.

I see this a lot,

Obviously not only in my own life,

But I see this a lot in many people's lives.

People come to me all the time and we have these conversations where the parents are putting all this responsibility and pressure on the children because they're going to a difficult time in their older years.

They've kind of done their work.

Perhaps they're retired.

Perhaps they're not,

But they've kind of done all their work.

They've given to the world.

They have a retirement plan.

They have enough money that they have the time now to think about things and all of a sudden they realize that they have all this pain inside of them that they want to heal.

All of a sudden again they realize,

All right,

My children,

Yeah,

I don't have to worry about anything else.

They're there.

I did all this for them.

Now it's time for them to give back to me.

Now it's time for them to sit with me and heal me and hold me and tell me everything's going to be all right and basically be my therapist.

Unfortunately,

There is this taboo against going to a therapist in the older generation,

Especially in my parents.

They think it's a negative thing.

They think it's only if you have some kind of psychosis.

So something really terribly wrong with you,

That's the only time you go to a therapist or to any kind of mental health professional.

And so they're afraid to go to these people and even if they do end up going,

If you force them,

They still feel like they're not going to be honest with them.

They're not going to entirely tell this person exactly what's going on with them.

And I noticed that in a lot of older generation.

My friends who are therapists always say this to me.

It's easier for younger people to just open up and tell people what's going on with them because they're used to that.

But the older generation,

They have a little bit of a harder time.

They're not used to that.

It hasn't been part of their culture really.

In fact,

It's the opposite.

Hide everything.

Don't tell anyone anything.

Hide everything that's going on with you.

If anything bad is going on,

Hide it.

Don't talk about it,

Etc.

And that's the kind of mentality or life that they've led.

And so they do go again to a therapist.

It's all about lies.

Again,

They don't actually tell everything to the therapist.

So it's a completely useless endeavor.

So what ends up happening is that the children,

Whatever their age might be,

They might be teenagers perhaps or they're adults or they're even middle-aged,

They've been given this responsibility.

Alright,

I am wounded.

They cry and they weep and they sob and they wail and they're hurting.

And as a child,

You see your parent hurting and you think to yourself,

Wow,

I can't handle this.

I can't let this go on.

So I have to be the one who has to be there for them.

So instead of taking care of their own healing,

Which is what everyone is responsible for,

Instead of taking care of themselves or instead of kind of leading their own life,

Their own separate familial life,

They are given this responsibility of taking care of their parents and they don't have enough time to do that other thing.

They don't have enough time to perhaps even think about having kids or not even thinking about having a family because it just doesn't fit in with everything else that they're doing.

The reason I really wanted to talk about this is because I've had this myself,

This kind of angst,

As I said,

This kind of feeling that I'm the one in the wrong if I believe that I'm not responsible for healing my parents.

But I really feel that that is not a child's responsibility.

It just feels like,

It feels like,

Not a burden,

But it feels like it's just too much for a child to handle.

Even if I'm an adult or I'm in my 30s,

It still feels like something that I should not be given that burden of healing my parents,

Of taking care of their wounds and making sure that I take care of them in that manner.

I don't mind doing it,

But I really don't think that that's the essence of it.

I don't think that's how it should go.

Now of course,

Because I'm an INFJ,

As I said,

And because I am all the things that I am,

My math,

Etc.

,

There is this need or desire inside of me to heal everyone around me.

Little by little,

I'm actually realizing that the only responsibility I have is towards healing myself and then sharing my story.

I'll heal myself and then share my story.

And then that story perhaps can help you heal yourself as well.

Perhaps not,

I don't know.

But it's not my responsibility to heal anyone else.

I'm not anyone else's savior.

I'm not anyone else's healer.

I am not anyone else's anything.

I'm just my own person and I'm here to do my work.

I'm here to do my own healing work because that's the only thing I can really do.

You can't tell someone else,

Alright,

Go do this and then you'll be healed.

Unless you're Jesus Christ,

Perhaps.

Unless you're God or a reincarnation of God,

Besides that,

As a human being,

You just don't have enough information or enough resources to really help anyone else like that.

And if you're a trained psychologist or a psychotherapist,

Then of course you're going to be able to have more tools and give more work to this person in order to heal themselves.

But again,

This person is doing their own healing work.

You have to do your own healing work.

You can't push it on to someone else.

And I think that's just an excuse that a lot of people do or use,

That pushing it off to someone else.

So you might even just,

If you have a partner,

You might be pushing it off to your partner.

Alright,

Cool.

If you have a partner and they're perhaps a little bit more healed than me or they have more time or they're better at healing than me,

So then I'm going to just give it to them.

They have the responsibility to heal me.

Or my kids have the responsibility to heal me.

Or my colleagues,

My friends,

My siblings,

All of these people,

We just kind of push it off on to all of these other people because we don't want to take the responsibility on our own shoulders because it's tough.

It's tough to look upon all of these things within ourselves and try to heal it.

It's really,

Really hard,

Right?

But it's not going to work if you do it that way.

It's just not going to work.

No one else can peek inside your heart and see exactly what's going on within you.

No one else can see that except for yourself.

No one else is going to know the absolute ultimate truth about you except for yourself.

So it is your own responsibility as an adult in this world to take care of your own healing.

If you're a child,

I get it.

If you're a child,

Then your adults around you are going to help you with your healing.

But if you are an adult in this world right now,

And if you're listening to this video,

And if you consider yourself an adult,

You cannot push off the responsibility of healing yourself to anyone else.

If you're a parent,

Your children cannot take care of it for you.

If you're a partner,

Your partner cannot take care of it.

If you're a husband or wife,

Your husband or wife cannot take care of it for you.

If you have siblings,

Again,

They cannot do it for you.

No one else on this planet can do it for you.

They can give you tools if they're trained in it,

And that's the reason we go to all these healers.

But again,

You have to bring these tools back to your cave,

To yourself,

And use them to heal yourself on your own.

You're alone on this journey.

No one can help you with that.

They can be by your side,

They can pat you on the shoulder,

They can be supportive,

But they cannot do the work for you.

They cannot do the work for you.

I hope this makes sense.

I know this is a tough topic to speak about,

To think about,

To bear,

But it is absolutely the truth that is in this world right now.

Again,

If you guys have any questions about this video or any other video at all,

Please message me anytime,

And I shall see you guys in the next one.

Bye for now.