Do You Need An Attitude Adjustment Or A Nap?

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Wild Freewell podcast.

I am here today to talk a little bit about mindset as we as we do on this podcast.

But the question that I want to kind of focus on today is this idea of do you need an attitude adjustment?

Or do you actually just need a nap?

And basically what I want to touch on today is the delicate,

Delicate balance of mindset work while also honoring your needs.

So today,

Not today,

Sorry,

Yesterday was a really full and beautiful day.

I had a lot of things on the go good things though,

Like I had a lot of good things happening and I felt completely,

Completely overwhelmed.

Just time felt really tight.

And I felt like I was going from one thing to the next and like not really able to stop and just feeling like I didn't really have a lot of time in between these things to breathe and to kind of just be,

Let's say.

And yeah,

I mean,

There's a lot of there's a there's a lot of good things that were happening.

So it was kind of like,

You know,

I've got my daily practice that I'm working on,

Which I guess some people would call like morning routine and work,

Exercise,

Lunch,

Work,

Dinner with a friend.

And there's just so much going on.

And the question that was kind of coming up is why doesn't this feel good?

And because it should feel good,

Right?

Quote unquote should and that's a dangerous word,

But it should feel good.

A lot of that was really beautiful.

A lot of it was really good stuff.

So why didn't it feel good?

There's a lot of stuff going on,

Obviously in the background.

We can never fully remove the discussion of the seasons.

Both are internal seasons,

Obviously.

Oh,

Give me a second.

I just got to fix my mic.

Sorry.

We can never really fully remove the discussion of the seasons that we find ourselves in.

So whether that is an external season right now in the northern hemisphere,

We're obviously in winter and also internal seasons.

So like whatever kind of period you're going through.

And if you're someone who menstruates,

Then also there's those seasons as well.

So the different phases of your cycle,

Your different energy levels and cravings and emotions and all of those things.

There's,

There's a lot of factors and we can never fully remove them from the situation.

They also need to be seen,

Honored and,

And all that good stuff.

Sorry,

Just still playing a little bit with my mic because I'm obviously I've moved recently and I'm still getting my office kind of set up.

So,

And this is the first episode of the podcast I've recorded since I've been in the new house.

So got to ask for your patience while I kind of get things going.

But anyways.

So in addition to like this discussion of the seasons,

I'm also at a weird stage of my practice.

So I've added some new things in and I'm at that phase kind of like,

You know,

When you start working out and like the first couple of weeks you're like,

Yeah,

This is awesome.

Like I feel so good.

I got so much energy.

And then like kind of two weeks in,

You kind of feel that dip and you're like,

Wow,

Like my whole body hurts.

I feel like I'm 180 years old and I don't really want to do this anymore.

I'm kind of like in that like sort of like,

Yeah,

Awkward in between phase where I feel a little bit more tired and maybe like a little bit worse because I'm building up the muscles,

Like both in terms of getting up a little bit earlier to do my practice and also like the actual muscles involved in what I am currently doing.

So,

Um,

Yeah,

There's just,

Um,

There's like a lot of things going on and then we can never fully remove all the other little aspects of life that are happening at this time.

Um,

Like I'm still in the midst of a move,

Unfortunately,

Uh,

Which is a conversation for another podcast.

Uh,

Still like kind of getting settled,

You know,

Um,

Basically starting over from scratch.

And so there's just a lot of stuff.

And when I came across this block,

This kind of like this feeling,

Whatever was coming up for me,

I began to talk to myself also as we do here.

No,

Um,

I was journaling and like trying to figure out like why everything was feeling so,

So sticky.

And what came up was like this question because I am somewhere or I was yesterday.

I was somewhere in between needing to honor my needs and also change my attitude,

But it's not necessarily one or the other.

There has to be this balance of both.

So like,

Yes,

We are always kind of,

We are in charge of the way that we think and feel.

Okay.

We are in charge in the sense that an emotion comes up and we get to choose how we interact with it,

How we react to it.

And then we get to choose something different.

If we have the,

Obviously the tools,

The skills,

The practice,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

To do that.

That's something that you build up over time.

And so like what I realized is that as much as I am a black and white kind of person,

Like a little bit all or nothing,

The world is,

Is made up almost entirely of shades of gray.

And so it's very rarely one or the other.

It's almost always both and right.

And I say this all the time on the podcast,

Like I'm forever talking about how there is no such thing as one ultimate truth.

There isn't,

There is only the truth through each of our unique perspectives.

We filter the world through what we believe to be true,

Right?

But what we believe to be true is not necessarily the truth for someone else.

Take any religion ever,

Anyone pick one.

It doesn't make any difference.

Or like diets even are a really good one for this.

This is something that's always made me laugh.

Like when somebody is doing a diet,

They're really all in.

And they believe that that diet is the answer,

The answer,

The truth.

And that's okay,

Because it is the truth for them.

That doesn't necessarily make it the truth for somebody else.

And so it's the same idea,

Right?

Like we are both and we are dual,

There's a lot of duality in the world.

There's a lot of things that we need to focus on.

And so yes,

I can,

And maybe need to change my attitude,

Change my mindset towards the situation.

But I also need to find a way to honor exactly what I'm feeling as well.

And something else that I say to clients all the time that I say a lot on the podcast,

We're all just little humans.

And this is the single biggest reminder that I share with everyone.

And it's the thing that like I and I feel everyone else most need to hear,

We do not need to be superhuman.

The only person that even has that expectation of us is ourselves.

And yes,

To some extent,

The capitalistic society that we find ourselves in there's that aspect,

But that is a conversation for another day,

Another podcast episode.

So sometimes we just need to be,

We just need to give ourselves our struggles,

Our worries,

A little bit of time and space to breathe and be and oftentimes they sort themselves out on their own.

So going back to the situation that I found myself in this idea of being really overwhelmed by good things,

Right?

Because there was nothing bad that was happening yesterday.

So do I need to like reframe the situation,

Reframe the day and have a better attitude?

Yes,

I do.

Okay.

Because yesterday was a beautiful day.

I really am blessed to get to work with so many people that I love and who light me up and often leave me feeling like,

Leave me laughing.

You know,

They make me laugh and they leave me feeling so joyful and I'm so grateful for that.

And you know,

I have the abundance to be able to go out and eat dinner with a friend,

Which is huge,

Right?

Because that's not necessarily something that's available to everybody right now.

Well,

It's available to everyone,

But there's some people for whom that is not the reality,

Obviously.

We,

Yeah,

It's just,

It's,

And dinner with a friend is also a sign that I'm slowly carving out this,

You know,

Community and this connection for myself post move.

And like,

I also have the luxury of time to be able to move my body to do,

To exercise and to feel good.

So none of these things have to be like,

I have to,

They never have to be something that like,

You know,

You just plant on your to do list and you feel like,

God,

I just got to get these things done,

Right?

They don't have to be that way unless I approach them with that energy,

Unless I come at them with that energy.

And this is where mindset really comes in,

Right?

Because we get to tell a story about what's happening to us.

And that's exactly where I was getting tripped up.

Yes,

Yesterday,

Because I was telling myself the story that like,

This is going to be really hard.

I'm doing too much.

I'm going to be really tired.

I'm not going to be able to give people what they need.

Like,

I'm not going to be able to show up in the way that feels good or that I want to.

I was kind of like beating myself down.

And the other side of this is that I still need to honour exactly where I'm at.

So in that moment,

Because I've been getting up at six in the morning to do my practice,

And then I was going to bed a little bit later.

So I'm doing my practice,

Which is a little bit physical,

Then thinking about also going for a run,

Which is physical,

Because right now I'm not in the best shape of my life.

If I'm totally frank,

There's a good chance that running will give me a headache.

So that kind of put me on the back foot as well.

Because I felt like,

Well,

Then I'm going to have to like work and I have a headache and I'm gonna have to go for dinner and I got a headache and like,

That's gonna suck.

And like,

You can hear the story.

It's garbage.

Like it sucks.

And it's making the whole situation,

Which hasn't even happened yet.

Yes.

So it's making a very hypothetical and in the future situation,

Shitty and terrible without that situation ever having actually occurred.

So I do need to honour myself,

But I also need to be aware of the story that I'm telling myself,

Right?

I need to honour the fact that I'm in this liminal space.

I'm figuring out so many things at once.

And that is a lot like it is objectively a lot for me.

And that's fine.

It doesn't have to be good or bad.

It just is.

But I'm figuring out like my space and like,

You know,

I said,

Even at the beginning of the podcast,

Still trying to sort out where I'm working and like put my office together.

And we're still living kind of half in and out of boxes.

And,

You know,

Trying to figure out how I how to make friends,

How to find community,

How to find connection here in this new city,

Because I'm not really starting a new chapter.

I'm starting an entirely new book,

Still living in Italy,

But living in a place I've never lived before.

I don't know anybody.

It's not set up in the same way as the other cities that I've lived in before.

It's a little bit more sparse.

So there's all of that that I'm still working on.

In addition,

I'm still figuring out how I want to move forward in 2024 because I wasn't really able to do so ahead of the new year because of some poor organisation because of the move because of the holidays.

And then I got sick.

So all of those things and that will probably be another episode of the podcast as well.

But for now,

We'll just stick here.

And then also this very real situation of like,

You know,

We're in winter,

We're in the middle of winter and energy levels naturally dip a little bit in the winter.

And there's things that we can do,

Of course,

To up our energy.

And that's exactly what I'm working on within my practice.

So I'm still in this like very figuring it out sort of stage.

And saying all of this in this way already makes the situation lighter.

So like I am figuring it out.

That in and of itself is a positive sort of reframe on the situation.

It's not as heavy as like,

Ugh,

This,

Ugh,

That.

And we tend to approach a lot of the situations in our lives with that energy.

But we are able to tell a different story about what we are going through and create like a lighter situation and help us still honour the reality of what we're going through.

But just not telling such a negative story or such a heavy story about it,

Right?

There's a huge energetic difference between I have to do all of these things and I really don't want to.

And I get to do all of these things and it's okay that it feels a little bit big or a little bit hard right now.

Sit with that for a second.

Because it's huge.

It's a simple reframe of a,

I reframed with one sentence an entire day and an entire problem.

So I'm going to repeat it again.

There is a marked energetic difference between I have to do all of these things.

Whether they be beautiful or not.

I have to do all of them and I don't want to.

And I get to do all of these things and it's okay that it feels a little bit hard right now.

Or that it feels a little bit overwhelming right now.

If we want to use the word that I used at the beginning,

Right?

None of that is denying the situation.

We are not Pollyannia.

Pollyannia.

What?

Pollyanna-ing.

Sorry.

The situation.

We're not like slapping some positive affirmation on it and just being like get over it.

We are being very real with what's going on.

It still feels a little bit hard.

It still feels a little bit big and I give myself permission to feel those things while acknowledging with gratitude that I get to do these things,

Right?

It's still a reframe but there is no fakeness.

There is no falseness.

There is no like forced positivity in that sentence.

And we're not sugarcoating it either,

Right?

We're not like pretending that it's different than it is.

It's a realistic and honest approach but it's still choosing to feel better about it.

You're still choosing.

There's still choice and that's power,

Right?

That's mindset work.

I've reframed the situation.

I'm telling a new story about it and honoring myself by giving myself permission to be where I am and choosing slowly to move forward.

And then I'm going to be really honest here,

Okay?

This whole discussion is born out of the fact that I feel like I am obligated in all things at all times to show up at 150%.

And I feel this way because it's a little bit of my own sort of self-worth wound kind of coming up here.

I really don't like showing up as less than I know I am capable of showing up especially at work because I feel like I owe it to my clients to show up in a really powerful way.

That doesn't mean I can't show up powerfully even if I don't feel like I'm 100%.

I have to give 100% of what I have available and some days that's going to be 70%,

Some days that's going to be 150,

Whatever.

Like it's going to flex and flow.

Again,

External seasons,

Internal seasons,

Menstrual cycles,

All of these things factor in,

Right?

These are external things that have an impact on our internal worlds as well.

So there's going to be a lot of things that kind of come up and whatever.

But what happens in these moments because I feel like my worth in some ways is tied to how much I'm able to give and how much I show up for other people is that instead of these things feeling fun and freeing,

Which they normally are,

Right?

Like running is like the end all for me.

It makes me feel so free.

It makes me feel how I feel.

Beyonce probably feels,

Which is pretty full of herself to be honest with you.

Like it makes me feel that way about myself,

Really powerful,

Really full of myself,

Really awesome,

Really cool,

Whatever it is,

Right?

I love running for that reason.

It makes me feel so freaking powerful and you know,

Dinner with friends and like lunch with my partner and working with awesome people,

All of these things should feel good.

But when I'm in this space,

I feel like because I'm not able to like give 150% to every single person around me,

Like it's like somehow,

Like I'll have,

If I do things for me,

Like the practice and the exercise,

I'm somehow taking away from what I am able to give to clients and friends,

Which is insane because going back to what I said earlier,

No one expects us to be superhuman and no other person is expecting 150% of you.

We are the only people putting that sort of pressure and expectation and like,

You know,

Like holding ourselves to that like unrealistic and probably unmeetable standard.

So it's really okay to be in a space of like giving what you have available and it's okay to invest your energy in yourself first because that's actually what pays dividends in the end.

So when you are able to give yourself the gift of your own energy,

Maybe in the short term that makes you show up differently because you're a little bit tired,

But over the long term as you build up these habits and you build up a baseline of self-care,

It makes it so you are able to show up so much better for the people around you.

Not that that should be a motivation necessarily for you to do something,

It can be and if you are like externally motivated versus internally motivated,

This might be a really good way to look at it because like if I take care of me,

I'm actually better able to take care of somebody else.

That might be what fuels your fire.

It doesn't need to be,

But if that's how you naturally move through the world and I want you to be really careful here because I say naturally,

I want you to make sure that this is yours and not something that your family,

Your culture,

Your religion,

Your society has taught you that you need to do,

Yes?

Very important,

Very,

Very,

Very important like sort of micro shift here.

If it's something that you do because it fills you up,

Great.

If it's something that you're doing because you think you have to or because it's what's expected of you,

You need to start this episode of the podcast over again and you need to listen to it again.

Go back,

Start over and like sit with that for a second.

But so much of this conversation that we're having today is about this balance between finding the time to care for myself and still having the energy to show up for other people's,

People,

Whoa people's,

People in the midst of like obviously a very much wintering season for me.

Wintering in every sense.

Wintering in terms of the season I find myself in externally and also internally.

But yeah,

No one is expecting you to be perfect except for you.

No one is expecting you to be on all the time except for you.

You just need to really find a way to feel a sense of inner peace and give what you have to give and then remember that showing up for yourself is really the key to being all of who you can be in the world.

Because when you show up for yourself,

You create a wellspring and you're able to give from the overflow of that.

Which is really,

Really,

Really powerful.

So just to recap on this episode,

It's about asking yourself like if you find yourself in a bit of a sticky situation,

Ask yourself,

Do I need an attitude adjustment?

Do I need to kind of like affirm or like,

You know,

Kind of move my way out of this?

Or do I need to honour myself by giving myself permission to feel something,

To be something,

To want something,

Whatever it might be?

And oftentimes the answer lies somewhere in the middle.

Again,

Right?

Repeating that it's not black and white.

It really is shades of grey.

It's quite possible that you need both.

It's quite possible that you need to reframe the story that you're telling about the situation and also really give yourself permission to be wherever you are emotionally.

When you give yourself that permission,

It is the key that unlocks the door to help you move forward.

If you can give yourself permission to feel whatever it is that you feel without forcing yourself in some way to feel differently.

Now that's not the same as reframing it.

Because reframing it,

You're taking a look at the situation,

You're taking a look at your attitude,

Your behaviour,

Your thoughts,

Your feelings,

And you're giving yourself the opportunity to tell a different story about that.

Okay?

But you're not forcing yourself to feel better.

You're not forcing yourself to feel differently.

You're creating the fertile soil where the feel,

The good feelings can kind of grow and spring up,

If that makes sense.

And then with honouring yourself,

It really is about this being okay with whatever is right now in your world.

And that could be many,

Many different things at once.

Because we are not static.

We feel multiple things.

We have a lot going on in whatever version of that we currently find ourselves in,

Right?

So how can you love yourself?

How can you honour yourself?

You know,

Can you grant yourself the permission to sit with your feelings,

Even when they're sticky,

Even when they're uncomfortable,

Even when it's not really what you want to do?

Can you give yourself the time and space to be instead of doing,

Right?

And sometimes that looks like waiting to reframe,

Waiting to go through this process of like reframing the thoughts and whatever.

Sometimes the honouring ourselves needs to come first.

We need to just be with it,

Sit with it,

Feel it,

Own it,

Be okay with it.

And from there we're able to then move into the space of reframing,

Right?

But you're worthy of it.

You're worthy of your own time,

Love and attention.

You are worthy of feeling good.

You are worthy of the time it takes to reframe your attitude,

To reframe the stories that you're telling yourself.

Like you are so,

So worthy of all of that.

And you are worthy regardless of whether you show up at 100 percent or 50 percent or 20 percent.

All of that is going to flux and flow based on the season that you find yourself in internally and externally again.

So yeah,

Just do you.

Love you.

Show up the way that you want to and the way that feels good for you and love yourself along the way.

So I'm gonna leave you here.

I hope that this episode was useful and that you are able to implement these things because if we're just listening to it,

We're not actually living it,

Then you know what you're doing?

Why are you doing that?

Take a second and actually like put these things into practice because it really could be a game changer for you.

If you have any questions please feel free to reach out.

I'd be happy to hear from you and if you'd like to have a topic covered or if there's something that you're curious to hear me riff on,

Then please send that over.

You can leave a comment,

Leave a review and I can take it all from there.

And yeah,

Until next time,

Have an amazing weekend and I will see you on the next episode.

Ciao!