Home Shelter Week 5: Taking Care Of Ourselves

I am going to thrive and learn.

I am a survivor,

A warrior.

This is week five in the Stay Home Fellow Chip.

I am Carmen.

I am a clinical psychologist helping people with anxiety,

Trauma,

And depression.

And right now,

I am here to share with you a little bit of my personal journey and the journey of doing my work,

My work life.

And to share with you my lovely husband.

Join us for this wonderful conversation.

Living in harmony is possible if you know your emotions and how to handle them.

I am Dr.

Carmen Roman,

And I will share with you the current psychology by myself or by interviewing experts who will inspire you.

Learn how to live a life of fullness and how to recover your emotional harmony.

Welcome to Emotions in Harmony.

Welcome,

Welcome back.

This is week five.

I am loving it.

I am already in love with this whole Stay Home Fellow Chip.

And here with me is my lovely husband Vince that is willing to be with us one more episode.

Thank you to your feedback.

Thank you because you say you love him and we want him back.

Well,

Thank you.

Now,

Here we have.

It was a nice response,

My dear.

Good.

I had no idea what to expect.

Well,

We have one person asking why you don't have your own podcast.

That's a bit much to ask.

I know.

We hardly have him in one episode and he's just doing it because he loves his wife,

I think.

Si.

Si.

And now he's like,

Yes,

Let's do one day your own podcast.

We are in week five and we got extended for another month.

Yeah,

That's the current official.

We just never seem to know.

It keeps getting extended.

In California,

They're going to start bringing it back at some point in three or four phases.

So we still don't know when that's going to start.

We still don't know and we don't know how.

Right.

And also the regions are going to be different,

Too.

We'll probably be later than most.

Well,

Just to let you know if this is the first week that you are with us,

We have been doing since the beginning.

We are located in the Santa Clara County in the Silicon Valley in California.

And that has been one of the biggest focus for contamination for how to save.

Yeah,

For contamination and for one of the quickest acting in terms of shutdowns.

I am very proud of our government.

Very,

Very proud because they quickly put us in stay home.

And I think we are saving so many lives.

Yeah,

I think so.

Yeah,

Our authorities have been working really good together with the health department and health department is the one saying what we are going to do,

Which is really good.

And I hope in your community,

Wherever you are,

I hope that the health department is the king right now because this is a health issue.

I believe so.

Absolutely.

And this is this is what happened.

I am going to tell you about the problems that I see in my work during the week and BINs is going to expand or distort or change or what.

Or not.

Or not.

And I am going to tell you,

We are going to talk about,

We prepare this together so we know we are we're talking about this and we are going to talk about the good side of that and some solutions that occur to us.

So even though BINs is not inside my sessions with my work,

He was with me through the day with the stress that I am carrying.

Yeah.

So I can always tell.

I don't know a single word a client says,

But I could tell if it was everyone.

Yeah,

You can tell through how it's going through my body,

Through my psyche,

Through my emotions,

Through everything.

Oh,

It's kind of a roller coaster.

Yeah.

It takes occasional massage too.

That's true.

That's true.

Yeah.

It's just,

It takes an occasional like extra tea or extra companion or extra something.

And I am very grateful to have that my dear.

I'm very grateful.

Good.

So what is,

What I'm noticing is people are now desperate for income and basic resources because some of the people that I'm working with and remember,

We have the stay home fellowship,

Which in Spanish,

We translated into the fellowship of hope.

This is how we,

They wanted to be named.

Oh,

Nice.

The fellowship of hope is nice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So the fellowship of home,

It comes from the Lord of the Rings because Vince loves the Lord of the Rings.

So we went through all of this through this.

And we just happened to watch it right at the beginning of the lockdown,

Shutdown.

This is what it comes.

Yeah.

This is what it came the word from.

And the fellowship of hope,

Which is our 17 women were,

This week we were 18.

And one guy,

One guy came and he was so cute.

He has permission to stay in.

Of course,

If you are,

As long as you are an adult and if you have family,

If you want to come with your family to work and accommodate,

If you speak Spanish because the fellowship of hope is in Spanish,

Just join us.

I'm going to put the link here.

Join us.

As long as we are confined,

We have this support psychoeducational,

It's a psychoeducational group and we are meeting twice a week.

One we talk,

The other one we do yoga and talk.

And we talk and talk and talk and we have so much fun together.

And it's free.

So you don't have to be worried.

It's free.

You can just join.

Just go to the show notes or go to our website or send a text and say,

I want to be part of it and you can be part of it.

That is very simple.

And we meet through Zoom.

So people in that group and in other parts of my job or in other experiences of my profession are desperate for income and basic resources.

People start being really worried how they are going to pay,

Especially those who lose their job during this process.

Right.

And it's cutting across a lot of income levels and especially the poor and the people who work in a lower paying jobs.

We don't know how long it's going to last and when they can go back.

And what I am learning also is they are definitely more exposed to be contaminated.

One,

Because they need their job.

Yeah.

And two,

Because they are doing jobs again that nobody is willing to do at this time.

Right.

I mean,

If they have to do it,

Do you feed your family or do you risk yourself becoming this impossible to answer a question?

It is impossible.

And in my profession,

I encounter different socio economical levels.

I may encounter the house cleaner,

The person who cleans the hotel all the way to the owner of the business.

Because I work with Spanish,

I have all these levels.

Yeah.

Or the health care professional or all of these levels.

So I encounter the one who is really not,

I don't know how to even have food this week.

And the one who is struggling because they cannot have the haircut done.

Although I'll add here,

I was lucky enough to get my haircut because my wife helped pay her way through school doing hair.

I did pay my way through school doing haircuts and I loved it.

I loved it.

I was a hairdresser for seven years.

And I cut the hair of most of my classmates.

Well,

Now I'm the only customer.

Now you are the only customer.

What are the long term consequences?

What do you think,

Vince?

It's really hard to know.

I think some jobs,

They might end up changing completely.

You can't,

You know,

We might not be able to have people working shoulder to shoulder in a lot of homes now.

We don't know how long you're going to have to be separated and if they can go back to normal.

If this is the first round of the corona,

We don't know if it's going to be another round later.

A lot of people think it's going to be another round in the fall.

And some people would wonder if it might be a seasonal,

Something seasonal about it.

So it may affect the workplace permanently.

What I am going to ask you,

My dear listener,

Is really keep being informed.

Yeah.

Really keep being informed by trustful resources.

Yeah.

Try to keep informed because the news is also going to keep changing.

Yeah.

Be informed from very reliable sources because we want you to take the best decision for you and your family possible.

Absolutely.

Long-term consequences in my profession as a psychologist,

I can tell you.

We start feeling it,

Of course.

Chronic stress.

Chronic stress is on the rise.

Anxiety.

Anxiety that is not well attended is becoming a panic attack.

So remember,

If you don't treat your anxiety and pay attention on time,

If you don't treat your stress and pay attention on time,

It will be more and more like an anxiety.

And if you don't treat your anxiety,

It will become like more like a panic attack.

So treat your anxiety,

Treat your stress,

Pay attention to it.

Get away from the computer.

Get away from a little bit.

Go and visit your garden.

Go and do something because it's really important that you take care of your emotional health.

Emotional health is the second most important thing after basic needs like eating,

Eating and sleeping.

And very interesting,

Emotional health has a say on your eating and sleeping.

Well,

Are you finding that people who have already had anxiety are getting it's like almost like multiplying it now?

People who were with anxiety before now is to the roof and it's a normal thing because before they have some fear about something or some worry about something.

And now it's like on top of this and I'm going to die.

And also it's apparent because people who had anxiety before,

They have certain way of thinking that it was not work on.

They didn't work on.

And now that way of thinking,

It gets deeper and deeper.

It's like if I am thinking before,

I am not used to do positive thinking.

I am not used to be strategic in how to manage my thinking.

Now it's been quite.

People actually,

People feel anxiety and panic attacks about feeling confined.

That's another thing.

Like they didn't have anxiety before,

But now they are anxious about feeling confined.

And of course it's a normal thing.

I don't want to be told what to do.

I don't want to be told what to do.

Nobody wants,

My cat doesn't want to be told what to do.

This is true.

This is true,

Yeah.

We have a story for you.

We have,

We have Delan has,

So sad,

Has been diagnosed with a heart failure.

It's our cat and our six year old cat.

And cheaper thing.

Having meds every morning,

Every night.

But I made a point of inviting her,

Even though we need to force her to do the meds.

I made a point of anyway,

Inviting her every time.

And today was our miracle.

Yeah.

Pretty much.

She came on her own.

But she does get treats afterwards.

You should note that.

Yes.

She gets treats afterwards.

And,

But before even saw the treats,

She kind of went in and out.

But today she was like,

Okay,

Let's do it.

Let's walk to the place on her own.

And the story I'm telling you is because if you make up your mind that nobody,

Nobody,

Nobody's forcing you to stay home.

You can go out and get fine if your government is fine in you.

You can get out and get sick.

Of course you can.

You can get out and put a treat to your entire family.

Go ahead.

You can.

Nobody is forcing you.

It is a conscious decision.

And this is beautiful to know because people say I'm being forced.

No,

You are not because you can do whatever you want.

We are deciding to stay home.

It's different.

And we are struggling sometimes staying home.

We are struggling not to see our friends and family and everything,

Services and whatever we need.

We are struggling.

That is a decision.

Right.

It's not just a decision for yourself.

You may be fine,

But you could still carry the disease,

Carry the virus.

It's really a decision how you affect other people too.

If you are outside just for the sake of it,

Just for having fun,

You are carrying the health of your family members in your heart.

Literally.

And I just wonder if people realize it or if they just don't care.

Yeah,

I wonder that too.

Do you think that people realize they are really putting a social danger on other people in their family?

I think some people must.

Some people must.

Yeah.

It's almost unavoidable to hear about it every day.

Yeah,

Definitely information is around.

So if you have a Facebook or you are a social being in any kind of way,

You learn that there is a virus going on.

So you cannot ignore that easily.

But it means that you don't care.

Yeah,

I hope that's not it,

But I think so.

You think?

Unfortunately.

Yeah,

I think people care.

They just don't believe,

Probably.

That could be.

And it's also that people think,

Oh,

I feel fine,

So it must not be a problem.

I must not be carrying it.

I can't spread it.

I can't catch it or something.

Oh,

I am strong enough.

Doesn't matter if I catch it.

Right.

Or I already got it.

Or I already tested false.

I did the test and it's false.

So I am free to go.

Right.

Irrational diagnosis.

Denial.

Self-diagnosis.

We were talking about denial.

Denial is one of the parts of the first stage of this process.

I am in denial.

I am not going to admit that this is a very difficult and painful situation because it is.

But if you carry something to your family,

You will be very sorry to see how your family member is suffering.

Because maybe for you it's nothing.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe you don't have heavy symptoms,

But your family member may.

Right.

And we still don't know if people are immune or who is or who isn't.

And sometimes you say,

Oh,

Well,

Some older people are not as immune to it.

But it can cut across many age groups still.

I invite you to put together your family and have this serious conversation.

Like very serious and loving conversation doesn't need to be painful.

It could be very loving and say,

Listen,

When you are out and in the world,

You are putting at risk everybody.

So let's make a decision,

All of us,

To see what are the really moments that you can go out.

Can you go out because you need to go and work?

Can you go out because you want to go and have fun with your friends?

Can you go out because you are going just to for the sake of it,

Because you are tired of being here?

How you are taking care of yourself because this impacts the entire family.

It impacts the entire family.

So conversations,

Talk nicely with your family about it and don't be afraid to bring the topic.

Oh,

Health.

No,

Don't be afraid because it's your health.

Right.

And like we were just saying,

It's in the news every day.

It's on every social media page.

It's everywhere.

And people is struggling with other family members who don't want to listen.

This is something that came out in our group.

People is like,

Oh my God,

What I do?

This is this other adult that I cannot force into it,

But it's in and out in the house and it's scaring me.

Or come and visit me.

Yeah,

I don't want visits and they come and visit me anyway.

And I don't know how to say no.

And we have been working on how to say no with assertiveness.

Wow.

Great.

It's unbelievable,

But great.

It's unbelievable.

They have to do that.

Yeah.

Thank God that we are not having these conversations with our family members here.

Exactly.

The cats are wanting to go out,

But we don't let them.

If you ask Mono,

Mono is like,

Yeah,

And I want to go out.

Oh,

My Mono,

Quedido.

People start feeling the chronic stress in their bodies.

So a lot of conversations about,

Oh,

I have pain in my shoulder,

In my neck,

In my computer.

Computer's shoulder pain and tiredness in their eyes because they are getting so tired.

All of this conferencing,

Video meetings.

And I am going to do an episode for you,

A little simple episode on how to behave,

How to be nice,

How to be socially okay in social media.

I have learned a lot in these last couple of weeks about what feels good and what doesn't feel good for people in the social media.

Some people is just breaking the rules and start planning events and gatherings and they are acting like it's a normal thing to do.

Some of my people,

Even people that were conscious and everything before,

They just start getting out and let's get together.

And other people is responding.

Yeah,

It kind of goes back to the idea that people do not realize it or they do not care,

Especially in big groups.

They are,

And I think leaders are being afraid of stopping people because if you are a leader,

You may think who is going to follow me after that?

They are not going to like me after that.

I want you to be alive first and then like,

Then second.

Yeah,

They don't want to be the bearer of bad news.

No,

That's true.

They don't want to say,

This is real,

We need to take care of ourselves.

It's hard to say,

But this is why you are a leader.

You are a leader because you say things that people don't want to hear sometimes.

You may find your way to say it.

Say it nicely,

With love,

With a beautiful text,

With a beautiful reminder or something.

But remember,

We are saving lives.

So don't give up into the temptation or start organizing events.

People listen to that.

People may follow you now,

Of course,

But they know deep inside that they are also betraying themselves.

Let me put you on example.

What about if you are the leader and then you say,

Yes,

Let's meet.

And those of the people that were hesitant because they want to be liked and accepted too,

They follow you because of that.

Yeah,

It's not a sign of a good leader for one.

Yeah.

And it also is if you're not the leader,

It's also it's okay to say no.

You have to preserve,

You know,

Save yourself and your family too.

And when I'm talking about you being a leader,

You may be leader of a group,

Officially,

Unofficially.

You may be the parent of a group,

Of the mother of the group.

Right.

Yeah.

So the Fellowship of Hope,

Because now they correct me,

I shouldn't say the stay-home fellowship,

Although the name of the podcast episodes will continue to be that just for continuity.

But the Fellowship of Hope is settling in.

They love it.

They are loving it.

People who come and stay in the group,

They don't leave us anymore.

They want to be there.

And I am too.

I am loving it.

Don't you see,

My dear,

When I am leaving the group,

How happy I am actually laughing?

Oh,

Yeah.

Every episode.

Every episode,

Yeah.

We get together and at the beginning it's stressful because we share how the week is and then we laugh about it.

And then we end up being very relaxed,

Grateful,

Et cetera.

It's just like the magic of being together.

This is the magic of being together.

It's great.

It's great.

What are the good sides?

Let's talk a little bit of the good side.

The good side of this is that people are talking relating to plants,

Animals and everything at home.

That's a good sign.

That's a healthy sign of a spiritual being.

Yeah?

Sure.

Strong sentence,

My dear.

Fine.

Fine with me.

Here's a gesture to my strong sentences.

But listen,

If you are talking to the plants and animals and you didn't before,

Wow,

You are evolving as a spiritual being.

Because plants and animals talk to us all the time.

You just didn't listen before.

Maybe you are finally learning what it took decades and everything to order people to learn.

Maybe this stay home is helping.

So it is okay to talk to your plants.

It is okay to talk to your animals,

To your pets.

It is really okay.

Have fun with it.

Because we are social beings.

We are social beings.

We like to relate.

And animals and plants and everything that is alive in our home relate to us.

We just don't pay attention.

And I am going to go farther because it's just me.

Yeah,

I'm going to go farther.

I talk to the house.

I talk to the house.

I ask the house when we move into the house.

I ask,

What is your mission?

Let me know how we can fulfill your mission.

And it respond in my dreams.

Yes,

I am crazy,

But I am a psychologist.

I can be crazy.

Yeah,

I'm crazy.

I'm having fun.

I have fun being crazy that way.

Because it's living consciously for me.

If you are willing to talk to your pet and entertain the idea that there is a connection,

An emotional connection,

It's going to be helpful to you because it can work for your stress levels right now.

Maybe your pet say,

Oh,

Forget about it.

Let's take a nap.

Isn't that true?

Yeah,

I think they say that a lot.

They say that a lot.

Let's go outside and enjoy and smell the plants.

Yeah.

And let's just fight with that beer.

And they talk to the beer.

And then you just relax and say,

Yeah,

Why am I worried about not being able to pay the rent?

We can talk with the pet and enjoy and the pet is like,

Yeah.

And then when you relax that way,

Actually ideas come to you about how to pay the rent.

I didn't.

That's where it came from.

This is how it came from.

Yes,

It is because now you are relaxed.

Now your creative mind is working for you.

So you put to work your creative mind.

People is finding new normals because we are adapting,

Because we are human beings who love to adapt.

And they are finding new normals and they are going to keep it when they are going to be out of it,

Out of this situation.

Yeah.

Hopefully there's a silver lining.

People can be more considerate or aware of others.

Yeah.

Who knows?

Yes.

I'm going to love and appreciate every time that I go to a restaurant now.

Right.

And what else I'm going to love and appreciate?

Oh,

The ability just to go to hiking.

Oh yeah.

We missed that.

And the ability just to have family over for dinner.

Yeah.

It's a lot of people are feeling that.

Yeah.

Those little things.

Conscious of spending their resources,

One of the members was saying something like,

I realize I cannot order food,

But oh,

Instead of ordering,

Even though I could,

I can just cook something that I have.

I have tortillas and cheese and boom,

There are quesadillas.

I don't need to order takeout.

And like our mayor say,

If you have the resources and you can order takeout food,

And please do so,

So you can help the local economy.

Also,

Of course.

Yeah.

Talk about being beautiful.

Oh yeah.

I want to talk next week about why being so beautiful is important.

Being beautiful,

I mean,

Of course we are all beautiful human beings.

I'm sure you are a beautiful human being just by listening to this podcast.

Yeah.

But I mean,

Getting ready,

Beautiful,

Getting your hair done or your makeup or grooming yourself or whatever you need to do to look beautiful and presentable for your family members is a beautiful gift.

We are going to talk next week more about it.

The group in general,

I feel that this particular group that the Fellowship of Hope is being more positive.

And guess what?

They are getting more positive results outside.

Of course.

Because when they go out and negotiate,

I want to make this loan,

I want this help or this assistance,

They have us in the back,

Praying for them,

Being with them,

Emotionally being with them.

So they have us.

So they are not alone.

Of course,

I'm not surprised they are getting better results.

Solutions.

Let's talk about solutions,

My dear.

Learn some mindfulness techniques,

Learn some mindfulness,

Please.

This is the time.

If you didn't want to pay attention before,

Now pay attention to your breathing,

To the way you move,

Put some minutes aside to do some meditation or learn how to meditate.

This is the time,

Please.

And also let me tell you,

Being compassionate with yourself is important.

It is okay to lose it.

Give yourself permission to lose it.

It is okay.

We are in a very difficult and special time.

And of course,

When you say it's permission to lose it,

You mean lose it within reason.

Yeah,

Yeah,

Of course.

You get angry or whatever and you want to move away from harming others and whatever.

Thank you,

My dear.

Yeah.

But what I mean is,

Yes,

It's not an occasion to harm others.

It's not an excuse to harm others.

What I mean is recognize that you are intolerant because it's a special situation.

And because you are intolerant,

Try to move away from a situation that you can have others.

And I'm going to point you at an example.

I was very,

Very intolerant this week because the vet didn't want to meet with me on Zoom or a video conference.

They only wanted to meet by phone.

Oh,

Yeah,

That's right.

I was like,

I got angry because I… Let me tell you why.

Because for me to understand English,

I need to see the person.

And I am podcasting in English,

Yeah.

But I want to see the person and the doctor say or the doctor assistant say no.

They don't have that capability.

And I got so angry.

Should I trust her a bit that it doesn't do video conferencing?

Like I got so angry.

And then 10 minutes later,

It was like,

Wow,

I am really in stress.

Yeah,

Well,

That added to the stress of the sick cat.

Yeah,

We have the stress of my clients.

We have everything.

And on top of that,

The doctor is telling me that the cat,

Which I love,

Is a heart failure.

It's not nice.

I want the doctor to tell me 10 times over the internet,

By Zoom,

By conference.

So I relaxed,

Thought about it and it's like,

It's OK.

I am going to listen by phone.

And that doesn't mean that the doctor is not professional or doesn't know anything.

It's just me being angry.

That's right.

Just me being frustrated with the situation.

So this is what I mean.

Be compassionate with yourself.

Learn some tapping.

If you didn't pay attention before to tapping,

This is the time.

Pay attention and learn on YouTube or whatever some tapping.

Like you can touch this medidians in your body and make your body to release some stress.

Learn some tapping from somewhere.

You can YouTube tapping.

Have a good selection of social media sources.

Cut those friends.

Be free.

I'm telling you free to cut those friends who are posting all this negative news all the time.

You don't need them in your life.

Well,

I don't know if it's negative news,

But like you said,

Toxic posts or something.

Yeah,

That they post something that makes you so stressed and they again,

Again,

Again.

Because sometimes we post something and OK,

Just let it go.

But these people that they are again and again and again,

You don't need them right now in your life.

I think most of the social media things you could push ignore or block or something.

Yes.

Just let it go.

Ignore,

Block,

Unfriend,

Whatever you need to do.

This is my question for you.

Do you want to say something else my dear before we finish?

No,

We're fine.

OK.

This is my question for you.

This is the question I want to leave you with.

How am I am using my creativity?

How am I am using my creativity?

You let me know through social media.

Am I am using my creativity to help and be in emotional harmony?

Am I am using my creativity to punish myself or others?

Am I am using my creativity to help others?

How am I am using my creativity?

This is a question for your journaling,

If you are journaling in this serious time.

OK?

Yeah.

Thank you.

If you are here with us still.

Oh my God.

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

It's already 35 minutes or 36.

Thank you.

I love it.

And if you are here,

Please,

Please,

Please subscribe to our newsletter because I will start sending information or stuff that I never share in the podcast.

Come to our Facebook groups.

We have Amigos in Harmony Facebook group.

And please,

We need more English speaking.

Come in the Facebook group and talk in English so you force us to talk in English.

And there are other English speakers there too as well.

They are quiet.

And in our social media,

Come,

Come with your beautiful language,

Please.

We need more English speakers.

And if you speak Spanish,

Please listen to the podcast,

Harmony Emotional.

It's sometimes same topics,

Sometimes different,

Same topic,

Different jokes.

Different guests sometimes.

And different guests.

Because if the guests only speak one language,

I only have the guests in that language.

You will not listen to beans in Spanish.

I can use my 20 words,

But it won't go very far.

Yeah,

That's true.

That's true.

One day we will tell the 20 words.

So come to the Spanish Harmony Emotional podcast and come to Inspirame if you speak Spanish.

Inspirame is stories of people that I admire.

I just invite them and I admire them.

And then they did something wonderful like raising a child or wonderful like doing a company or quitting their job and starting another one or whatever.

And if you are with anxiety,

Not to be worried.

We have the 7 days course.

It's a 7 days course challenge,

7 day challenge that I put together very precise follow-up instructions to manage your anxiety.

It's not going to heal you.

No.

It's not going to nothing.

No.

Because I cannot work with you directly if I don't know you.

Yeah.

So this is the disclaimer.

If you are a psychologist,

Go and look for a psychologist.

But if you need at home to do something meaningful,

Very strategic,

And do something to work on and alleviate your anxiety,

Go and do it.

Both can be combined.

It can be that you are doing that and going to your psychiatrist or your psychologist to therapy or it can be that you are on your own and decide.

Actually,

Through the course,

I will let you decide when you need to go to a psychologist.