Hi,
This is Clay Stevenson,
And welcome to of Mice and Moments,
A podcast that finds significance in the small moments.
There were a few years in the 90s when retro was cool.
I know that trend has come and gone,
But I just happened to be stuck right in the middle of it as a junior and senior in high school.
My friends and I would wear sweaters from the 70s,
Bell bottoms,
Any retro t-shirt we could find at the thrift store,
And I had sideburns down to my chin.
With that being the trend,
I was ecstatic when my granddad gave my family his old 70s model two-door Mercury Comet.
The first question I asked was,
Could I drive it to school?
I felt so cool driving 15 miles to traverse the five miles it took to get to school every morning.
I picked up as many friends as I could and took many quote,
Long cuts.
Seeing the retro part,
Driving around with the sideburns down to my chin.
I'm not sure I had ever kept up with anything as well as I kept up with the Comet.
I used the money I earned at work to put new flashy rims on the car.
I outfitted it with low-profile tires.
I invested in a good speaker system and updated the radio and CD player.
A week didn't go by that I didn't wash and clean that car thoroughly.
And it was wild that as time passed,
I grew more and more enamored with the car.
I was so invested in it that I probably enjoyed it and appreciated it more on the last day than on the first day I drove it to school.
Unfortunately,
As with many old vehicles,
That car eventually got to the point where it didn't make sense to continue to pour money into it.
When I got married,
My dad offered me the Comet,
But at that point it was unreliable enough that it didn't make sense for me at that stage in my life.
I had plenty of other new and challenging issues that monopolized my time and energy.
One was fostering and growing into a young marriage.
Those first years of marriage were filled with new,
Exciting,
And beautiful experiences,
But there were also many challenges to face and areas for growth.
One Saturday morning early in our second year of marriage,
I remember being awake before Angie,
Sitting in our dining room office in our one-bedroom apartment,
Waiting to check my email at the computer.
Those moments gave me time to think that morning.
Those four or five minutes of booting up and getting online are a thing of the past.
And even if we had to wait like that today,
We probably wouldn't take that time to think or ponder.
We'd probably jump on our phone to browse,
But I digress.
Angie and I had a rare contentious argument the night before,
And I was wrestling with what to do and where to go with the issues.
During that moment,
I pinpointed the core of some of the issues we were dealing with.
Angie's confidence was at an all-time low,
And I was the reason.
Instead of building her up and encouraging her to live into the fullness of who she was,
I was being selfish,
Focused on myself,
My career,
And my needs.
Over the short two years that we'd been married,
I'd focused less and less on her to the point that she was drained of compliments,
Support,
And love.
My epiphany was that the answer to our disagreements,
Fights,
And arguments was for me to pour into her life,
Support her as a wife,
A professional,
And as a fellow human in this life.
I knew in my heart that by building her up,
She would blossom in growth and beauty both inside and out.
On pain of coming across as disingenuous and shallow,
I'm going to make a slight comparison between Angie and my Comet,
But bear with me.
You see,
I remembered what this type of devotion had done for me personally in the past.
When I took meticulous care of the Comet as a high schooler,
I grew more and more fond of that car.
I dedicated so much time and energy to it that not only did the quality of the car improve,
But I became enamored with it as well.
And now I realized this was a principle I could apply to marriage.
Giving,
Building up,
Loving more,
And pouring into my life would have the effect of improving her life in unmeasurable and numerous ways.
At the same time,
It would cause me to be more dedicated to her as a person and to her success in life.
Building her up would cause me to love her even more.
So I did it.
I didn't make a point of telling her that I was embarking on something new with a fresh mindset.
I just made an effort to be more positive and complimentary to her.
The result was that she found the love beautiful in me,
And I in turn found her more beautiful through love.
I can safely report that this lesson stuck with me and has been a guiding principle in our marriage.
So how about you?
Do you find yourself in a relationship where a loved one's confidence is shattered?
Do you argue and fight not finding each other beautiful anymore?
If so,
Part of the answer may be giving more of yourself for the other.
Pouring into their life by building them up and supporting them.
With that said,
I understand that there are abusive relationships where giving more simply continues the pain.
I'm not referring to those.
I'm referring to the relationships where you know you can and should do more.
In those relationships,
Giving more,
Loving more,
Sacrificing more may have a positive effect as it did in my relationship,
Where it caused me to be more connected and attracted to my wife,
All the while building her confidence.
It also caused her to become more connected and attracted to me through my words and actions.
So consider giving,
Building up,
Pouring into and loving your significant other more.
And ultimately,
It may lead to less conflict,
Allowing you both to find the beauty and love you deserve.
