#80. Is There Something Wrong With You?

Namaste sannyasa family and everyone.

A very warm welcome to all of you in this daily live meditation session with me,

Dhyansa.

We're meditating on 112 meditation techniques of Vigyan Bhairav Tantra.

And the mind is a conversation.

It is a continuous conversation that we keep on having all throughout our life.

You take a look at yourself or anybody else just sitting somewhere on the bench in a park and you take a look at that person and you see that that person is sitting doing nothing but is still in this continuity of a conversation.

And you yourself are in this constant conversation all throughout your life.

Your mind is this continuous conversation which you're experiencing.

You don't know from when and you don't know until when.

You will just keep on having this conversation.

With whom are you having this conversation?

What is this conversation?

This inner conversation that you're continuously having with yourself.

Not just the thoughts.

Underneath the thoughts.

Not just what is on the surface but underneath the surface there is this conversation that is going on in you.

This continuity if you pay attention.

Right now if you pay attention to your inner space to somewhere just below the thoughts you will see that there is a continuity of a conversation.

A conversation that appears to be an eternal conversation just there all the time in you.

You're talking to someone maybe to yourself maybe to someone unaddressed you don't even know whom are you talking to but you are in this conversation.

You are in this continuity all throughout the time.

These inner conversations they can be positive as well.

They can be rising as well.

They can build and take you somewhere to places somewhere to success as this inner conversation is in the positive direction.

Or this inner conversation can just be stagnant can just keep you wherever you are holding on to the grounds wherever you are in a stagnant state.

Or these inner conversations if you pay attention are always taking you downwards into a fall.

If you observe your inner conversation you will be able to classify this conversation either this conversation is a positive conversation you are on a run in life and that conversation is helping you that conversation is bringing your energies together and taking you towards your goal.

Or this inner conversation is just keeping you like a stagnant water which smells a bit but you are in that stagnation all the time not knowing how to come out of it.

Or the worse where this conversation is a downward spiral where this conversation is a fall.

In this session we are not concerned with the conversation that is taking you upwards that is taking you towards your goal as much absurd as this conversation is because all inner conversations are absurd all inner conversations have to be dropped to come to reality all inner conversations are just an illusion but let us be more concerned with this inner conversation that keeps us stagnant or that brings us into a fall because so many of us are going through that inner conversation which is just spiraling us down we are having this conversation with ourselves holding on to this conversation holding on to this fall going down this hill all by ourselves no one to take care of not knowing how to come out of this conversation.

One of these conversations that I picked up in my conversations with some of the sannyasa members family members that conversation is that there is something wrong with me there is something that is wrong with me or I am sick this conversation some of you also must be going through also must be having somewhere deep in you having this continuity of this conversation may not be in your conscious maybe somewhere in your subconscious that I am sick or there is something wrong with me if there is this inner conversation that there is something wrong with me that I am sick it might be that you are very sensitive to yourself and actually there is something wrong with you and your intuitions are telling you that there is something wrong with you in that case yes you must see your doctor you must address that something wrong that is there in you you get that checked and you get that treated but in 90% of the cases in most cases that is not the case where there is actually something wrong in most cases you are creating this conversation that I am sick that there is something wrong with me and this conversation which you are creating yourself this needs to be understood this needs to be penetrated to break free from this conversation see why do you have this conversation that there is something wrong with me that there is some sickness in me which I don't know of which needs to be tested which needs to be addressed somehow there's something wrong with me or a similar self-condemning conversation or a self-destructive conversation it could be any conversation but as an example what what how do you understand this conversation that there is something wrong with me see that deep down we are all seeking love deep down we all want to share the love that we have and have the love that others have want to share this love that is our natural state to share the love that we all have but we live in ways where we put blocks to that where we cannot express that love where we do not receive that love then that love becomes desire you then want something out of your life the desire arises in you takes different shapes and you want to assert the desire on others you want to assert your desire on other people on the world and when that does not happen when you asserting your desire onto the world onto another person does not happen you are trapped because that energy of the desire which remains unfulfilled becomes your misery it becomes something that makes you into a victim it turns you from you wanting to be a winner to assert your desire onto the world to becoming a victim where the energies they have to go somewhere because they have risen in you which was underneath pure love but converted into desire desire unable to assert itself makes you a victim where at least while being a victim you have something to hold onto you have something to grab onto this sense that there is something wrong with you where somebody needs to help you the outside the external the person somebody needs to give you that attention somebody needs to take care of that help you into that situation so this state of victim is a conversion of the desire which is unaddressed the desire to assert oneself onto the world to control the world to assert other people and this when this falls back on you as misery this becomes a state of you feeling like a victim and you become vulnerable you say there is something wrong with me I might be sick then you go to a doctor you go to this wonderful healthcare system that we have this system is designed to work on your vulnerability to convert your vulnerability into money the doctor is not at fault he is doing his job he is following the protocol you go to a doctor in that state of vulnerability and then there is an authority in front of you the doctor who is going to do whatever he is going to do and going to tell you those diseases those fancy names which you again cannot understand you went into a vulnerable state to the hospital you were already half sick by that time and as soon as you see the doctor in authority telling you yes you are sick yes you have this and that disease that does the job you are completely sick with that suggestion from the doctor it might be the case yes that you may really have something I am not denying that I am not saying that the fact should be denied if there is a fact yes the fact must be addressed but I am talking here about those situations where there is no fact where you are creating the fact where you are participating in creation of the disease of the sickness of that which becomes a fact in your life and then you are coping up with that mechanism and then you are a part of this healthcare system this wonderful system which is built on top of your vulnerability of you not knowing what you are experiencing you not feeling in the right place you not rooted in love you not rooted in truth see that when you are in this state of vulnerability any suggestion from the authority it becomes your reality therefore we also have gods once again when you go to wherever you go to address the god you are in a state of vulnerability and there is a position created of authority that decides that tells that controls what is happening in your life in this situation where you have made yourself vulnerable and there is an external authority created the idea of this authority this combination keeps you miserable it keeps you always bounded it keeps you always controlled meditation spirituality is to break free from this control to break free from this inner conversation which puts you into the vulnerable spot in the first place and takes away all the authority that is there created on top of you this in this process whomsoever is helping you out a spiritual master is not the authority the spiritual master is only a catalysis is only something that helps you to break free from all authorities to break free from all vulnerabilities to come to terms with your inner conversations to see what inner conversations you're going through what routes these inner conversations have and if this conversation is a downward spiral to turn first of all the spin of this conversation into a positive spiral and then taking you out of even that conversation because the truth is beyond all these inner conversations but first of all you will have to change the spin on all negative inner conversations into your life turn them into positive conversations affirming reassuring who you really are giving you the courage giving you the confidence to discover who you really are a lioness she gave birth to a child in the middle of several flocks of sheep and in that process the lioness unfortunately died and the child the child grew up with the flock of sheeps the the child all his life he exactly did what the sheeps did he learned how to graze he learned how to be scared he learned how to run away from the prey and was all his life thinking that the that the child that child of a lioness is a sheep and that happened for several years and one day a lion he was on the hunt so he saw the flocks of sheep and he was hungry so he took his position he from a distance he saw that flock of sheep and to his surprise amongst this flock of sheep he saw this one lion child acting exactly like all other sheep he could not believe his eyes what a miracle that this lion this child this lion cub is playing with the sheep the sheep are not scared of the lion the lion is not scared of the sheep and the lion is grazing along with the sheep looking at this he ran towards the flock of sheep of course the all the sheep they were scared they started running right left also this lion cub started running like right left but this older lion he grabbed hold onto that cub he took that cub in in his mouth and ran through a pond a nearby pond the cub was so scared as if the cub is now going to be dead the bigger lion is going to eat that that cub as a sheep but that lion took that cub to the pond all that that lion did was to show the cub his own true face in the water the moment this cub saw the true face that the cub is not a sheep is a lion in the water suddenly in that recognition in that realization the lion rolled once again like a lion and not as a sheep so what all is needed is to show you your true face to show you who you really are in that recognition in that realization you once again become who you really are otherwise you're living the life of a sheep of someone that you are not on that note let us listen to what bhairava has to say in vigyan bhairav tantra as a technique to practice to come out of these inner conversations to come out of the downward spiral of these conversations bhairava says i am that who is omni-scient omnipresent and omnipotent meditate upon it and become one with it let me repeat i am that who is omni-scient omnipresent and omnipotent meditate upon it and become one with it i will take another minute or so to explain this technique because it is important to understand the background of this technique to really bring this into your experience to work with this very powerful meditation technique so here what bhairava is saying that i am that who is omni-scient omnipresent and omnipotent he's asking you to make this a mantra so that you can be awakened to the god that you are to the omnipresent to the omnipotent to the omni-scient that you actually are but how do you reach to that how do you realize so here bhairava is saying that you start repeating this as a mantra when you do this as a mantra that i am omni-scient omnipresent omnipotent and you go into it it starts off as a suggestion and that suggestion what it does is it breaks free breaks you free from all other suggestions that are going on in your mind you are living so many suggestions so many hypnotic suggestions from the world from the marketplaces from the people around you that you're constantly in sort of a hypnosis sort of a suggestion you have to break free from that hypnosis you have to de-hypnotize yourself and the way to de-hypnotize yourself change the spin on this suggestion is to give this suggestion to yourself or start this mantra as a suggestion that i am omni-scient i am omnipresent i am god and once you start this suggestion it goes down deeper further in you and starts breaking all the beliefs in you there's another layer in you of the unconscious which is formed with all the beliefs in you and as you let this mantra sink in what it does it breaks free from all the beliefs that you're carrying all the sheeps that you are having in your mind all the behaviors of the sheeps that you're having in your mind it breaks you free from all those beliefs that are holding you onto that psyche as this mantra penetrates deeper it becomes the faith it breaks free also from all the faiths that you're carrying in you that has kept you a victim that has kept you under some authority it as it settles deep from your psyche from the surface from the suggestion to the belief to the faith it is all empowering it breaks free all the faiths in you giving you once again a chance to rise to your true nature to the truth and as it settles further deeper it does not remain as a suggestion or a belief or a faith it becomes a realization it leads you to the truth that you are god that you are omni-scient omni-present omni-potent In the next minutes let us take this journey into oneself by repeating this mantra mentally getting into this contemplation exploring this powerful state of I am omni-scient I am omni-present I am omni-potent please close your eyes and take a posture that is comfortable for you with your body relaxed yet alert allowing your body to rest your breath to flow naturally then let your awareness turn inwards the next minutes over writing all inner conversation with the mantra with the inner repetition I am omni-scient I know all I am omni-present I am everywhere I am omni-potent repeat this mantra to overwrite all conversations within you in your thoughts in your conscious in your unconscious meditate.

Only one conversation in your mind,

In your inner space.

I am that.

Omnisigned,

Omnipresent,

Omnipotent.

I am that.

I am that.

Bringing all your energy to this repetition.

I am that.

I am that.

In every cell of your body,

I am that.

Omnisigned,

Omnipresent,

Omnipotent.

I am that.

Only one conversation in you.

Overwriting all thoughts.

Your entire inner space.

Let this mantra sink deeper in you.

I am that.

Let this become a feeling in you.

A sensation in your inner space.

I am that.

Omnisigned,

Omnipresent,

Omnipotent,

Omnisigned.

I am that.

Let this mantra sink deep in you.

I am that.

Let go of the repetition.

Let go of all conversations and simply sit in silence,

In awareness.

Let go of all conversations and simply sit in silence.

Let go of all conversations and simply sit in silence.

Let go of all conversations and simply sit in silence.

Absolute stillness,

Silence,

In awareness.

I am that.

I am that.

I am that.

I am that.