I Am That - To Know What You Are, Find What You Are Not - 1

We'll start with I Am That chapter 18 today.

The name of the chapter is To know what you are,

Find what you are not.

This is not something new for you.

But here Maharaj is going to encourage us how we can apply this in our daily routine.

Day to day this should be our practice.

Now this title itself is the master key to the supreme truth.

If you can practice continuously,

Do your daily sadhana just with this,

This is good enough.

You don't need any other gyana.

Yes,

This title itself is the master key to the supreme truth.

It clearly means that which I am is not really easy to see.

That which I am is formless,

No?

Just like the space.

I cannot see space like that only.

That which I am,

That which is my true roopa,

My true swaroopa,

That is formless.

That which I am not can be pointed out to.

Are you seeing the difference?

That which I am is formless and therefore it cannot be pointed out to.

That which I am not,

It has a form,

Therefore it can be pointed out to.

For example,

The book.

This is a book.

It is an object.

It can be pointed out to.

Similarly,

This is a body.

It is an object.

It can be pointed out to.

A thought that is hovering right now,

You can point out to that thought.

Aha!

See,

I am thinking about this particular situation again and again.

I can point it out.

Yes,

So thought is an object.

So,

That which I am not is always an object.

It has a form and it can be pointed out to.

So far,

It's clear?

Yeah.

That which I am is not an object.

So,

When a spiritual seeker starts the spiritual path,

He's so used to objects,

He wants an object.

So,

He's given an internal object rather than an external object.

He's told,

Okay,

Do a mantra.

So,

He sees that he has this mantra going on or he sees the breath moving in and out or in Buddha retreat,

You observe sensations in the body.

These are specific objects.

He's given an object.

Why?

Because that's all he knows.

Yes,

A nursery kid,

KG kid,

He knows only A,

B,

C,

D.

You can only teach him so much because his capacity is that much.

So,

For a beginner,

His capacity is object-oriented.

Yes,

His capacity is not objectless-oriented yet.

So,

He has to be given an object.

That's how we all came on to the spiritual path.

Nothing right or wrong about it.

Just like nothing was right or wrong about primary and kindergarten.

We all went to primary.

We all went to kindergarten.

Yeah,

We had to go through that.

Why do we go through that process?

So that we mature enough to learn something higher.

Similarly,

On the spiritual path,

You need to mature enough to move from object-oriented focus to objectless-oriented awareness.

These are two separate things.

When I was focusing on a mantra,

I was focusing on and the breath or whatever your object was,

Your focus was one-pointed.

Yeah,

When there is focus,

It is like a focus light.

You know,

You have those focus lights at home.

They focus on that particular point.

That's how my object-oriented focus was when I started the spiritual path.

And then I found Advaita Vedanta.

I climbed the ladder of going beyond this body,

Which is object.

I climbed the ladder of going beyond the mind,

Which is an object.

And then I was thrown into the witness consciousness.

There is an I over there.

That is still an object.

Yeah,

Because I is nothing but a thought.

But then there were moments when that I collapsed and I was thrown into this objectlessness,

The formlessness.

That was my first introduction to awareness.

So,

Can you see your own journey this way from object-oriented to objectless-oriented?

And you have definitely made this journey.

Are you very clear about it?

Yeah.

So,

Now that I recognize that,

Oh,

This I,

Which is the true I,

Not the I which says I,

Which is the true I,

Not the I which says I,

The I that says I is a thought.

It's just an authoritative thought.

Yeah,

I am the boss kind of a thought.

It's just a thought.

Okay,

But that I,

That is the false I,

That falls,

That collapses,

That disappears into an expanse of nothingness.

That expanse of nothingness is the true I.

That is who I am.

Now,

When I recognize this,

When I find this true self of mine,

Now I am truly antarmukhi.

Antarmukhi,

Inward turned,

Antarmukhi.

Till now,

All the techniques that I had done to get here,

They were all bahirmukhi,

Outward turned.

So,

Now I have recognized that the correct journey,

The correct way is to start bahirmukhi,

But then turn inwards and become antarmukhi.

Start from object-oriented focus and move towards object-less oriented awareness,

Nothingness that expands of simply space-like emptiness.

After I complete this journey,

I still tend to get lost.

I understand I am this nothingness,

But I get pulled out because of some past habit pattern,

Some past attachment.

That is where I start applying this chapter.

To know what you are,

Find what you are not.

Every time I slip into something,

I am the parent.

How dare the child speak like that to me?

I got carried away.

Yes,

I got carried away in the situation.

Immediately recognize,

I am a parent.

Can I point that out?

Yes,

I can point it out,

This object.

Can I be that which is an object or am I the subject that is perceiving this object?

Yes,

Am I the subject,

The knower of this object called parent?

Now,

I just threw out an example of a parent.

It could be the example of I am the daughter.

Why did my parent do this to me?

I am the son.

Why did my parent say this to me?

Or I am the CEO of the company.

Why are my colleagues or my subordinates doing this?

Wherever I am,

This comes up.

Recognize that this is the object.

Yes,

I cannot be the object.

Very clear.

Title is clear.

To know what you are,

Find what you are not.

Because it's so hard to find that formlessness.

It's like saying find space.

How do I find space?

I cannot see space,

I cannot hear,

Cannot touch,

Taste,

Smell.

How do I find space?

So,

The correct way to do it is not to try and find that nothingness directly.

The correct way to do it is to reject that which is a thing.

Reject which is an object.

Neeti.

Neeti.

Not this.

Not this.

Not this.

Then what is left at the end?

That is what I am.

That is who I am.

Very clear.

So,

Before we start the chapter,

Already homework for you.

Where do you get lost in which object-oriented identity of yours?

Maybe father,

Maybe mother,

Maybe son,

Maybe daughter,

Maybe friend,

Maybe spouse,

Maybe some professional tag that you have,

Maybe some social tag or maybe in a spiritual organization you get lost in I am the best disciple or I am the best volunteer or I am the best student of the guru.

Are you able to see that you can point out to the guru and you can point out to the disciple?

Yeah,

You're again lost in objects.

Yes.

So,

It's not these objects that will help me find my true identity.

Even an external guru,

Yeah,

His blessings and his grace will help me.

No,

No.

Grace will help me.

No,

No.

Not at all.

Unless I apply my own self-effort to do the Neeti Neeti process and reach that shoonyata,

It's not happening.

Yes,

No external guru's grace is going to take me there.

No external saint's blessing is going to take me there.

No amount of worship to an idol.

I worship three times a day.

Now I should get there.

No,

Not unless you actually do Neeti Neeti will you get there.

Is this clear?

Oh,

Meditation technique.

I should do this meditation technique every single day without fail.

No,

It's not the technique that takes you there.

We already did that.

All techniques are object oriented.

Yeah,

Maharaj has said in the previous chapter,

No,

Not using the witness consciousness is Samadhi.

Every time I am observing an object,

I am chanting,

I am doing a right ritual,

I am using the witness consciousness.

Not using the witness consciousness is Samadhi.

Clear?

So now let's begin the chapter.

Questioner,

Your way of describing the universe as consisting of matter,

Mind and spirit is one of the many.

There are other patterns to which the universe is expected to conform and one is at a loss to know which pattern is true and which is not.

One ends in suspecting that all patterns are only verbal and no pattern can contain reality.

I'll stop there.

What is he talking about?

Science says that first there was the big bang,

From that the universe came.

First there was matter and then from that there was life that was born.

Yes,

This is one pattern that I have learned.

Another pattern that I have learned,

Advaita Vedanta.

Oh,

There is no universe.

First there is consciousness.

The consciousness arises in that the I arises and then it projects a dream world and then the waking world.

Waking world comes very late.

First there is the dream world.

So this is an exact opposite of what science has taught me.

Yes,

And then all the Dwaitam and Bhakti paths Yes,

And then all the Dwaitam and Bhakti paths go according to the science.

Advaita Vedanta is opposite.

So then it becomes confusing and one starts suspecting,

Oh maybe it is all theory.

All of it is theory.

Nobody knows the truth.

Yeah,

So the mind can go that way.

So this is what he is saying that there are so many patterns out there.

Now I just gave you a couple of examples.

Yeah,

There might be so many other different patterns,

Other different theories.

So one can,

Who is not clear about direct experience,

That person can get lost in these patterns or these theories about what is true.

Yeah,

So now he will tell us what Maharaj says which is Advaita Vedanta.

According to you,

Reality consists of three expanses.

The expanse of matter energy,

Mahadakash,

The expanse of consciousness,

Jidakash and of pure spirit,

Paramakash.

The first is something that has both movement and inertia.

What is Jidakash?

What is Buddhakash or Mahadakash?

This world of matter,

The waking world.

Yeah,

So in this waking world there is movement and there is inertia.

That we perceive.

We also know that we perceive.

Highlight this.

So he's giving you two aspects.

One,

I perceive and two,

I know that I perceive.

We are conscious and also aware of being conscious.

Do you get it?

I am conscious of the book.

Means I know the existence of the book and I am aware that I am knowing.

I am aware that I am conscious of the book.

Yes,

Don't get confused by the English words.

You got exactly what he's saying,

Right?

I am aware of the computer and I am aware that I am aware.

Yes,

So I'll read that again.

The first is something that has both movement and inertia.

That we perceive.

We also know that we perceive.

We are conscious and also aware of being conscious.

Very,

Very clear?

Yes,

Thus we have two.

Matter energy and consciousness.

Is this clear how he sees it?

Now he has an intermittent view.

He's not completely naive and ignorant and he's not an ajatavadan yet.

He's somewhere in between.

This whole chapter is how Maharaj pulls him up to a jatavada level.

Yes,

So he's in the middle.

He says,

Oh see I have matter energy.

Yeah,

He considers himself to be the body stiller and he says this is the matter energy and this matter energy,

This body mind is conscious of the computer.

Yet,

He recognizes the witness.

He says,

I am aware that I am conscious.

He has that little,

He's crossed the first srishti drishti vada.

He has that little awareness of the witness but he's not very clear yet.

Yes,

So do you understand his level now?

Thus,

We have two.

Matter energy and consciousness.

Matter seems to be in space while energy is always in time.

Being connected with change and measured by the rate of change.

Again,

This is,

He doesn't have the clarity of a separate waking,

Dreaming,

Deep sleep state.

He has a deep sleep state.

He considers himself to be matter and to be in this space.

Mahadakash,

Jitakash,

Paramakash,

Just theory for him right now.

Yeah,

So I'll read that again.

Matter seems to be in space while energy is always in time.

Being connected with change and measured by the rate of change.

He's only in the waking state.

All his physics laws he's applying.

Consciousness seems to be somehow here and now in a single point of time and space.

Please highlight this.

I'll explain what he's saying.

He's saying,

I understand that I am the witness consciousness but I,

This witness consciousness,

I am limited in time and space.

Yeah,

He's,

He finds himself limited because of this binocular called body-mind which has only those five senses through which he can perceive the waking world.

So,

He feels limited.

He's saying limited.

He's saying even this consciousness is limited.

Yes,

Fair enough.

Very valid his way of looking at it is.

So,

I'll read that again.

Consciousness seems to be somehow here and now in a single point of time and space.

Yeah,

But you seem to suggest that consciousness too is universal which makes it timeless,

Spaceless and impersonal.

So,

He hasn't recognized that that I,

That witness consciousness collapses and he hasn't been thrown into that nothingness yet.

So,

He's missing that timeless,

Causeless,

Spaceless experience of his own true nature.

Yeah,

He is thinking I am that I,

The witness consciousness that know only through the five senses of this body-mind which are the binoculars.

So,

I am limited in time and space.

I am here and now.

That means I am limited to this time,

To this space.

Yeah,

Then I turn away.

I go into that room.

I am limited to that time and that space.

Didn't you also feel that at level one,

At Advaita level one?

Yeah,

Then you go out into the garden for a walk.

You feel you're limited to that time,

That space.

So,

He's saying yes,

Yes,

I am the witness.

I am not the body-mind.

I see that but I'm still limited but you're saying that no,

I am unlimited.

So,

What is his gap in his understanding?

I,

The witness consciousness that which keeps coming up and saying I and becomes the ego that he's not experienced the collapse.

He's not seen that dissolve in.

Yeah,

Not that he's not seen it.

It's just that he's ignorant about it yet.

It happens to everybody.

You have to just be a little more antarmukhi.

If you're constantly focused outside,

You're focused on the time and space,

The concepts created by the mind.

You're bahirmukhi.

The moment you're bahirmukhi,

You're focusing on the waking world and the concepts of the waking world.

The moment you're antarmukhi,

You transcend the waking world and the concepts of the waking world.

So,

He has to make an attempt to be just a little more antarmukhi where he recognizes oh when the I collapses but I am still there.

So,

I am not that which said I.

That was only a thought,

An authoritative thought,

A thought that was like the boss thought but still it was only a thought.

He has to distinguish between the false I and the true I.

Consciousness seems to be somehow here and now in a single point of time and space but you seem to suggest that consciousness too is universal which makes it timeless,

Spaceless and impersonal.

I can somehow understand that there is no contradiction between the timeless and spaceless and the here and now but impersonal consciousness,

I cannot fathom.

I'll stop again.

Where is he stuck?

You were stuck there in Advaita level one.

Remember that.

You said no this consciousness is so personal.

I recognize I'm the witness.

I recognize there is this body.

I recognize there is thoughts in the mind and I recognize I'm looking out at this waking world through this body-mind binocular but it is still here limited.

He's stuck on that limited.

So,

It is personal because I am in this room.

So,

This is personal consciousness.

That person,

My family member is in the other room.

That is his personal consciousness.

So,

I cannot understand what you mean by it's not personal.

So,

He's saying how do I connect with this impersonal consciousness that is beyond time,

Beyond space,

Beyond cause and effect and which is not personal,

Which is impersonal.

To me,

Consciousness is always focalized,

Centered and individualized.

A person.

Very clear?

Yes,

This was your question.

Yes,

Some of us still get stuck there though we get Yes,

Some of us still get stuck there though we get out of it.

Yeah,

We recognize the shunyata and then we again get stuck.

Yeah,

Very centered,

Very focalized.

No,

I am the parent or I am the teacher or I am the student or something.

I am this and then I get stuck there.

So,

He has explained it very beautifully.

To me,

Consciousness is always focalized,

Centered,

Individualized.

A person.

You seem to say that there can be perceiving without a perceiver,

Knowing without a knower,

Loving without a lover,

Acting without an actor.

I feel that the trinity of knowing,

Knower and known can be seen in every movement of life.

Very,

Very clear?

Where Maharaj talks from?

Paramakash level.

Where is this guy talking from?

The mahadakash and chidakash level.

Yeah,

It's the difference of the levels.

Consciousness implies a conscious being,

An object of consciousness and the fact of being conscious.

That which is conscious,

I call a person.

A person lives in the world,

Is a part of it,

Affects it and is affected by it.

So,

For him,

What is consciousness?

A conscious being which is this person,

The object that this being is conscious of.

Yeah,

The object,

The being and the process of being conscious or the process of knowingness.

Yes,

So he sees all three separate.

Maharaj from his level says,

No,

It's all one.

Everything is consciousness.

Yes,

So this person's belief in I,

The person,

Is very strong.

Yeah,

So now we'll see how Maharaj helps him break that.

Everybody's awake,

Alert,

Very,

Very important chapter.

Means it's a chapter that is worth going to whenever you feel that you slipped from your consciousness level and got trapped as a person.

Yeah,

So always keep this chapter in mind.

Whenever I slip,

I read this.

Yeah,

Maharaj will help me come back.

So,

Maharaj says,

Why don't you inquire how real are the world and the person?

Questioner says,

Oh no,

I need not inquire.

Enough means it is enough.

Yeah,

It is enough if the person is not less real than the world in which the person exists.

Yeah,

Means it is enough for me to understand that the person is as illusory as the world.

I don't need to inquire.

Means he's done his first Advaita level one step.

He's very clear about Srishti Drishti Vada.

He sees I am the witness,

But he still has not seen the collapse of the witness.

Very clear.

Yeah,

So he's saying it is enough if the person is as illusory as the world.

That is the meaning of not less real than the world in which the person exists.

Maharaj says,

Oh,

Then the job is done.

You already know you're the witness consciousness.

What is your question?

Yeah,

Then he says,

Are persons real and universals conceptual or are universals real and persons imaginary?

Maharaj is like,

He's confused about something.

He's mixed up things.

It's not direct experience.

If it was direct experience,

He wouldn't be so confused.

Yeah,

It's theory for him.

Intellectual understanding,

Not experiential recognition.

So Maharaj says,

Neither are real.

When you dream in the night,

Take your own example.

When you dream in the night,

Can you say,

Oh,

I,

The dream character called Ekta was running from the tiger.

The tiger is not real,

But Ekta is real.

No,

Even that Ekta was running from the tiger in Amazon jungle.

She's really not there.

First of all,

No tiger is there in that jungle.

You made up the story.

Then you made up the story,

Ekta is there,

While Ekta is here.

So how can that character be real or how can the universe in which that character is be real?

Neither are real.

Correct?

So same you see for the waking world.

This character and the waking world,

Both are illusory.

Why?

There is only one reason.

Why?

Because this waking state and this waking character comes and goes.

It is transient.

It is temporary.

It is not there in the dream state.

It is not there in the deep sleep state.

But I know the dream state happening.

I know the deep sleep state happening.

And this Ekta,

This body-mind personality is not there.

Definitely.

So this body-mind personality is transient,

Temporary,

Not permanent.

This world is transient,

Temporary,

Yeah,

Not permanent.

It is not there.

So I am very clear that this is also illusory.

Question for you.

Do you see it in your daily routine?

Do you see it?

Am I aware enough every morning when I come into this waking dream,

Oh I'm back to the same dream.

The only difference in my,

Between my waking dream and the sleeping dream,

Is that this waking dream repeats.

This is on an endless repetition.

Whereas in the sleeping dream there's variety.

Somewhere there is some masala,

Some fun.

But there is no masala here.

No fun here.

This is the same repetitive dream.

Question for you.

Do you recognize this every morning?

Do you wake up to this?

Okay,

I'm back into the same dream.