Breaking Up With The Words: "I Am Stuck!"

We're serving up some hard truths sans the soften disposition.

Why?

It's time for renewal and refocusing.

It's a time of calling ourselves into action that will humbly create shifts,

Not only for the next 12 months,

But really hopefully over the course of many years,

If not your lifetime.

That's a big ask,

Isn't it?

I know it is.

But look,

In order to create shifts,

We have to be willing to be creators,

Life disruptors,

Action takers,

Revolutionists that really take the wheel of everything we are,

Do,

Say,

Think,

And feel.

Because what's worth having is worth creating.

And in order to create,

We must get out of our own way and onto the path that we've always been destined to take.

How do we do that?

Well,

We start by examining and letting go of the idea that many feel,

Say,

And use against themselves on a daily basis.

And it's a mindset that is uttered through three simple yet potent words.

What are they?

I am stuck.

Oh,

Those words.

How many of us have said that?

I am stuck.

You're nodding your head once again,

Aren't you?

I mean,

I think we have all met a time in our lives where those words have met our lips,

Mine included.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard sentences,

Excuses,

Really,

That are wrapped up in those three words,

In those mindsets.

And they sound like,

I don't know what my problem is.

I just kind of feel uncertain.

I kind of feel stuck.

Or nothing in my life is working out.

I don't even know what to do.

Or I literally have no idea where to start.

One of my other favorites is,

Everything is in chaos and I can't even formulate a plan to get out of it.

I want you to really think about that because those sentences,

Those words are really dangerous because they're threats to our mindset,

Because they are the walls and the hurdles to our decisions that really move us into a standstill.

And there's a reason why.

And,

You know,

I'm really big on heavy truths.

So here's our first one for the day.

Those words,

I am stuck.

They're not true.

They're an actual lie that we say to ourselves.

So that's truth number one.

I am stuck is a lie.

Unless you are bound in place,

Physically unable to move,

You are not ever actually stuck.

You always have a choice,

Whether it's a choice to change your mindset,

Your line of thinking,

Your truth,

Your perceived limits,

Your physical location,

Your relationships,

Your financial standings,

Your wherewithal.

I don't care what it is that you are saying you are stuck around or in.

It really doesn't matter.

You always have a choice.

And therefore,

You are not stuck.

That takes a moment to settle for most people.

So let it let yourself digest the words.

I am not stuck.

It's here.

You may have to do yourself a big favor and hold off all the excuses,

All the reasons why you've been stuck or how and why you are currently so.

And while you're doing that and holding all of that at bay,

Let me ask you a question.

What does it mean?

What does it actually mean to be stuck?

If you've tossed out those words,

Have you ever questioned their meaning?

Most people don't.

But here's the deal.

The root of being,

Quote,

Stuck generally comes down to fear,

Not making decisions that serve you,

Engaging in worn out,

Tired patterns.

And maybe we should insert a drum roll right here,

Because the biggest operation of stuck for the majority of people comes down to refusing to do anything about what is causing that feeling in the first place.

In action.

That last one generally stops most people in their tracks because it really forces you to look at all of the ways that you have been ignoring all of the calls of action in your life.

It forces you to look at personal responsibility,

Showing up your comfort zones that have held you in bad relationships,

Wrong jobs,

The inability to live openly as yourself.

It's really using our lives in a way that pleases others and trying to fit in instead of really forcing ourselves to be who we are.

And so we have to look at that and say,

Am I making decisions that are holding me in place?

Am I the reason that I am in my own way?

Am I the reason I'm stuck?

And the answer,

My friend,

Is always yes.

That's a tough process to swallow.

It's a tough line of thinking to understand.

And the truth is you can actually get out of your own way.

It's not easy,

But it can be done.

It starts by trashing the word stuck.

It starts by trashing the thought of stuck.

And it's really owning all of these truths that we're going to really dive into during this time together.

But the truth of the matter is feeling stuck is a sign that it's time to make a change.

It's a sign that you're deeply entrenched in your comfort zone.

It's an inner and outer calling for you to shake up your patterns,

Create new energy and change your outlook.

If you feel stuck,

It means that what is happening in your life is no longer working for you.

Stuck is essentially a cry for change.

That may feel really dirty to some of you.

And I promise that it's OK.

You know,

Because again,

Stuck a lot of times has to do with fear.

And fear has a way of causing our lives to stand still while really forcing our minds to run.

And so let's shift that pattern because it's really OK to meet the crossroads of yourself,

Of your life.

So often we go,

Go and go until we hit this point of stuck.

And it's only then that we must elevate,

That we take those steps to do it,

Where we create more and we really work to be better.

I mean,

Think about it.

It's not like you really use the word stuck when you're happy,

Right?

It's not like you're running around saying,

I am so happy.

I'm just so stuck and I don't know what to do next.

Yeah,

No,

That doesn't happen.

Right.

That doesn't happen.

All of this is to say that even if you feel stuck right now or you're still trying to find your way back on your path from breaking free from that comfort zone that we're going to really dive into in just a moment.

Know that with a little bit of work and an ounce or even 50 of deep courage and a targeted mindset and a know-how of how to move,

You do have a choice.

Empower to find your why and your way.

Empower and improve your life and push yourself past your perceived limits that may have you looking for failure without even realizing it.

So what do you say?

Are you ready to push yourself?

That readiness comes with witnessing truth number two.

In times that our mindset is on point,

There's focus and clarity about our why.

And there's function and thought processes around daily intentionality.

Even when things are not going well or things have really fallen apart,

You don't have a tendency to use the word stuck or even worry about a comfort zone because your mindset is not focused in negativity.

Lack or feeling uncertain.

It's really when our mindset is off kilter,

When we've fallen into negative thought patterns and feelings and actions.

It's here that we allow ourselves to believe that our circumstances are bigger than we are.

And we limit ourselves saying we don't have any choices.

It's here that we create our own misery and begin to tell a story of being stuck.

There's an important moment to note right there.

The words,

The story of being stuck.

It is a story we tell ourselves,

Right?

It's a thought pattern that doesn't serve us.

When we tell this story,

We worry about being uncomfortable and that discomfort locks us into that standstill I mentioned just a few moments ago.

And we fail to challenge ourselves.

It's here we unknowingly look for failure through our thoughts,

Habits,

And actions.

What do I mean by that?

Unknowingly looking for failure.

We wouldn't purposely fail,

Would we?

Of course not.

But yet when we feel stuck,

We tell a story that we don't have what it takes to thrive.

We put up walls and resistance when we should be persisting and engaging and moving beyond our comfort zones,

Beyond feeling stuck.

We take on this lack of conviction,

Confidence,

And courage.

Remember,

Being stuck is all about not taking action.

Without conviction to create change,

Change cannot occur in the manner in which we desire it.

I'm going to say that again,

Without conviction to create change,

Change cannot occur in the manner in which we desire it.

I'm not saying it's not going to occur because you know change will.

It's just that it probably won't happen the way we want it to,

The way we hoped.

You know,

When we're telling this story,

We rationalize our failures with this full list of excuses as to why we are failures,

Why things never work out for us,

Or how they never will.

We toss out sentences we think in patterns that sound like,

Why try if all I experience are setbacks?

Or this is easier than getting hurt.

Or I don't want to hurt someone else,

So it's just best if I stay where I am.

We then use our past mistakes as markers for why we can't move beyond our current situations.

We begin to analyze,

We view the past from a number of angles,

And then we throw in the towel.

Because how can we be deserving when we've made so many mistakes in the first place?

I've literally had people say to me,

Quote,

I guess I'm just stuck this way.

That is never the truth,

Ever.

The very nature of your life has shown you repeatedly that that too is a lie.

Let's return back to that idea of choice for just a moment before we dive into the comfort zone,

Before we identify what it looks like and how we know for there.

And finally,

How we break free of it and live a life of being unstuck.

When our lives are a little bit messy or we're engaging in a way that isn't moving us forward or we don't feel our best,

We must stop and make one highly important statement to ourself,

Followed by an extremely important question.

Doing so allows us to regain that positive mindset,

Because remember,

As I mentioned just a few moments ago,

We must let go of the idea of stuck before we can make changes to feel unstuck.

So write this sentence down on a piece of paper or in a journal,

Any place safe that you can come back to it in a time that you may need it.

And these words are really simple,

But man,

Are they powerful.

So that statement is,

I understand and witness that my circumstances are not what I want them to be right now.

Understand and witness are the two big key words in that sentence.

It really allows us to one,

Acknowledge and two,

Begin to really use this moment for our benefit.

And you can change these words around to fit whatever is happening for you in the present moment.

So maybe it's,

I understand and witness that my marriage is not where I want it to be right now.

I understand and witness that my career is not where I want it to be right now.

I understand and witness that my relationship with my friend is not where I want it to be right now.

It doesn't matter what it is.

Just make sure that you're witnessing and acknowledging the issue.

Also witness this,

Those words are not dripping in negativity.

They're actually neutral acknowledgement.

So nothing more,

Nothing less.

I didn't say,

I hate where my life is right now.

No,

It's,

I now understand and witness dot,

Dot,

Dot.

So neutral because negativity is not welcome to this game right now.

Right.

And the next piece of that statement is a question.

And that question is,

But what is within my control?

Huge question,

A question that we do not ask ourselves enough.

So that entire statement,

If we're going to put it all together,

Looks like I understand and witness that my life or my circumstance is not where I want it to be right now.

But what is within my control?

What happens when we say these words and ask that question to ourself?

I mean,

It's,

It's a really big eyeopening thing because it's self-reflection.

And what happens is we begin to seek the positive.

We begin to seek what's working for us,

Where we can take action.

What is actually serving us on all levels.

It even shows us where we can shift our focus.

So whether you realize it or not,

You have control of everything that is important in your life.

Some of you will automatically reject that statement and say,

Actually,

I don't have very much control over anything.

And I'm going to say that's lie number three.

We're in for it today,

Aren't we?

I mean,

Think about it.

You can and have the power to control your thoughts.

Super important in life.

You have the choice and power to control your emotions.

That's pretty important.

You're in charge of your time and how you use it.

You're in control of your actions.

You're not shackled or being held in place.

Remember,

You have a choice.

You are the only person who gets to determine your worth,

Your dreams,

Your aspirations.

You are the only one who gets to decide how you will develop your future.

You and only you get to decide how you will connect with everything that comes into your life.

Whether that's an experience,

A thought,

A feeling,

Positive or negative.

It really is about how you connect.

And that's all on you.

You get to decide when and how you'll take responsibility when you'll show up,

How you will do so,

And whether you will be a victim to your life by letting everything be framed through the anthem of I am stuck.

Or if you will be a driving force that says,

My life may not be where I want it to be right now,

But I sure as hell can do something about it.

Oh,

That feels like a breath of fresh air when you not only witness that,

But you feel it deep inside.

Because listen,

You can blame your life.

You can blame your circumstances,

Your parents,

Your spouse,

Your job,

All of the happenings,

People,

Emotions,

Things.

Or you can push the boundaries of your comfort zone and take on a personal revolution.

With that thought of not being stuck,

Let's dig into the comfort zone.

The comfort zone is actually a mental state in which you feel safe,

In control,

Where there's predictability,

Where things are familiar.

And when everything falls into that quote,

You know,

This is how things should be.

If you've listened to any other episode,

You know by now that I have a strong disdain for the word should.

When people use the word should,

It's generally the number one way that I know that they're being forced out of their comfort zone and are literally fighting and clawing their way to get back in.

When you say it should be this way,

What you're really saying is I'm uncomfortable as hell and I want things to change.

That's a big eye opener,

Isn't it?

Now,

Are there times and areas where comfort zones do work for us?

Yes,

100%.

When our habits are not rigid,

When we have flexibility for growth and our emotions,

Mental,

Physical and spiritual actions,

Habits and behaviors are working in our favor,

We are developing areas of comfort that work for us.

All comfort zones are not bad.

In fact,

It's necessary to have a comfort zone.

It's just that you need to know the difference between a beneficial comfort zone and one that is laden with fear.

A beneficial comfort zone is one that is anxiety neutral.

It's those comfort zones that are filled with things that serve you,

That they don't hold you back or really hinder your life progress.

One that is not beneficial is that one that is laden with fear,

Where there's major discomfort and that there's that cry for change that I talked about earlier.

You've heard that saying that growth always comes outside of the comfort zone,

Right?

I'm sure you have.

So let's break down that idea,

That saying,

That phrase to give it a visual of what's actually being said when those words are tossed out.

So I want you to take a deep breath and clear your mind.

I need your focus for just a moment.

And when your mind is clear,

Please visualize a circle,

Right?

It doesn't have to be big or small.

It can be whatever it is that you first think up.

You can make it a color if you want.

Get fancy with it.

I really don't care.

Just give me a circle in your mind.

And once you see it,

I want you to give yourself a moment to put anything that comes up for you that you find comforting.

So literally create a list or bring forth pictures of things,

Behaviors,

Habits,

Your doings,

Even relationships that work for you,

That are easy to engage with and feel risk free.

As each one comes up,

As those things are being formulated,

I want you to place them inside your circle.

So maybe you place being a good friend in there,

Or maybe you love to sing and it's easy for you.

You don't have any adverse reactions to it.

So you place that inside your circle.

Or maybe you're a teacher and you find it easy and comfortable to teach others.

Many women who have had happy marriages will place their marriage in the center of that circle.

Maybe it's practicing your religious beliefs.

It doesn't really matter what it is.

Just give yourself a moment to fill that circle.

To give you a better understanding too,

It's likely that your circle will only be filled with positive elements.

If you feel negatives arising or you start to really experience things that are coming up for you that are uncomfortable,

I want you to place those outside of your circle right beyond the edge of your outer ring.

So maybe you really don't find it easy to share your emotions because it makes you feel vulnerable.

And that just really is so uncomfortable for you.

That would go outside of the circle.

Or perhaps you're afraid to change careers because of what others may say.

That would go outside too.

Maybe you're afraid to leave your relationship because of the unknowns.

But in so many ways,

It's starting to feel like do or die.

That would go on the border as well.

The deeper the fear,

The deeper the discomfort,

The closer it is.

I want you to keep that to the line.

Those things in your life,

You know,

That are really making you feel stuck,

You guessed it,

They go right on that outer edge of your circle.

As you list and formulate,

Really getting into comfort and discomfort,

Ease and aversion,

Putting things inside and outside,

What you're doing is identifying your comfort zone.

Everything you place outside,

Whether it is discomfort or fear,

Uncertainty,

Dis-ease,

Those are the ultimate things that offer you the greatest growth.

That's exactly what that saying is asking you to look at.

These things that are really harder for you or really challenge you are the things that help you really unglue the stuck.

What lies outside of your comfort zone is generally where you gain your greatest strength,

Your biggest change,

That life revolution that I'm always talking about,

Always pushing you towards.

It's here.

It's in the shakeup.

And sometimes it's in the things that pull you in,

Chew you up and spit you out because those things are necessary to really help you become a better human,

A better person,

A better wife,

Daughter,

Mother,

Soul.

It's here where we acquire new skills,

Experience new ideas,

People,

And things.

It's here where we are forced to face ourselves outside of our self-imposed circles,

Those barriers.

And it's here that we can grow and stop constraining our potential.

If you're struggling with your circle,

I would love for you to take time after you listen to this episode to do the work on paper.

Put it in writing.

Give yourself time to see it in actual,

Tangible,

Physical form.

You can pause here and do that work if you think that will best serve you.

But know that what's coming up may actually help you bring what's outside inside,

And it may actually shift your mindset towards stuck in the first place.

So once you're ready,

Whether you pause or you continue,

And you know what's inside and outside of your circle,

But maybe you're still a little confused or not quite sure if you are in the discomfort of a negative comfort zone beyond what you've formulated in your head in your paper.

I want to give you a few signs so that you can really understand where you are.

Right.

So a gauge of sorts.

And if you can check these off or you can rate them from 10 to 1,

10 being at the highest level of your operation right now,

Know that we still have some work to do to look at that circle.

So,

Again,

10 being the highest,

You have this in full blown operation in your life,

1 being the lowest that it's not there.

OK,

So those signs.

If you feel unmotivated and nothing or very little truly excites you,

You are existing and not thriving,

And honestly,

You're not actually fully living either.

Know that you're engaging in stuck and a negative comfort zone.

Also,

Another way to look at it is if you're not open minded,

You're not experiencing new things because they feel dangerous or too unknown or they don't fit the standard of what you're used to.

That's also a sign.

This is also true if you feel like you keep missing out on opportunities,

Yet you question why that keeps happening,

Even though you've taken no action to meet the opportunity before you.

Or if you do the same thing day in and day out,

You get up at the same time,

You have a routine that cannot be altered.

You're rigid in what you do and how you do it.

That is stuck and comfort zone.

Perhaps you limit yourself when you do not set or cannot seem to create a vision of how something will play out,

Or uncertainty is a bigger factor than the tangible,

Physical facts.

Perhaps you reject or fight against change.

Maybe you limit yourself by accepting your situations by saying it is what it is and you do nothing at all to question whether that,

Too,

Is a lie.

I mean,

Is it really true that everything is what it is?

No,

Because there's always more than one perception,

Right?

You know,

The other way to know is if you really let others limit you.

So that's your boss,

Your parents,

Your spouse,

Society,

Friends,

Family,

Really allowing them to tell you what your priorities,

Quote,

Should be.

If you lack self-trust,

If you settle for less than you deserve because it's easier than asking for what you know is right.

You know,

If your self-worth is not the foundation of your decisions,

This is a really good way to identify that you are in a negative comfort zone,

That you are operating your life through that mindset,

Through the operation of stuck.

And that's a big list,

And it barely scratches the surface.

Listen,

Your comfort zone isn't really about comfort if it's based in fear and negativity.

If your life is about rejecting the unknown,

At looking at all the reasons why you can't,

If you operate through lack of confidence,

If you lean into everything that works against you,

You need to really get into a place where you can do the work to break free.

If any of this feels like it's triggering you or you weren't quite ready for these truths today,

I told you in the beginning we were ripping off the bandaid of stuck,

Getting out of the comfort zone and breaking free,

Didn't I?

It was a no,

You know,

Kid glove kind of day.

So can we break free?

Can we break free from stuck?

Can we break free from these cycles?

And the answer is,

Hell yes,

We can.

And that's the exciting part,

The very exciting part where life ownership,

Being unstuck,

Potential and purpose all collide.

So how?

That's the big question,

Right?

How?

And we have to really look at the how by looking at the behaviors before we can begin to identify small,

Obtainable ways to begin this process.

And the first thing we have to look at is really being able to get uncomfortable and manage discomfort through actions that support our mental,

Emotional,

Physical and spiritual health.

Through that,

We must be willing to engage in truth number three.

I think we're at three,

Maybe we're at four,

But this is another truth.

Three or four doesn't matter,

Right?

Listen,

We will never be able to completely rid ourselves or our life of fear,

Change or anxiety.

That's a big truth,

Right?

It's huge.

We have to acknowledge that.

We live in an ever changing world.

There will always be a time of uncertainty in your life,

Whether that's today or tomorrow or it was yesterday.

You know that there will always be times of uncertainty.

When we come to terms with this understanding,

We can learn to manage our fears rather than try to eliminate them.

Fear can be a negative or it can be a positive motivation.

And that is how we manage our fears.

Positive,

Motivating fear looks and sounds like this.

I am scared as hell and yet I'm going to step up and do it anyway.

It's not knowing how something will play out and still doing the thing.

It's picking up the phone when rejection may be on the other end.

It's reaching out and asking for your worth when it may undo a project.

It's pushing the limits because the benefit is greater than being stuck.

It's doing what you must,

Grabbing a hold of all of those outside circle behaviors,

Things,

You know,

The things that you placed outside the edge.

It's examining those things,

Holding on to them and then using them as your giant next step forward.

If we cannot eliminate our fears,

We must do the work to work with them.

The most successful people continue to push their personal boundaries,

Engage in the discomfort because they know it's not going anywhere.

They use it to drive them instead.

This understanding,

This deep realization is half of the battle of moving yourself out of the comfort zone.

It's here that that is one.

In fact,

For some,

It may be more than half the battle.

It can be the entire war.

Let's take just a moment and look at fear for just a second.

You know,

What is fear?

By definition,

It's an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that something or someone is dangerous or likely to cause pain or cause a threat.

Threat meaning an indication of something impending.

Isn't that uncertainty?

The unknown?

You may have heard me say time and time again that we are the meaning making machines.

We are the ones who create our definitions of everything we feel,

Think and experience.

If something is impending,

You can really look at it by two different ways.

Good or bad.

Positive or negative.

If you're the one who makes the meaning,

You get to decide,

Is it good or bad?

Understanding that fear is an emotion and how you connect to it is on you.

That means that you get to decide how you will use it.

With that,

With that understanding that you get to decide how you will use fear,

How you will engage,

How you will look at your comfort zone.

Let's return back to the how.

If you are willing to accept and use fear as a motivator,

Then we can go back to our circle and look at the boundaries.

You know,

The reason why we envisioned a circle is because there are no edges.

There are no deep,

Hard stops.

It's flowing.

It's a circular line with no breaks.

If that's the case,

If the perimeters are flowing and not rigid,

Wouldn't that mean that we can expand our circle to encompass the things that you've placed outside of it?

Right?

Motivation.

But how?

Expanding is all about self-permission.

If that's an issue for you,

If permission is a struggle,

You really permit yourself to show up and do the things beyond your comfort zone.

Go back and listen to how to give yourself permission and why it's necessary for your goals to thrive.

That episode,

It's from December 21st,

And that will really help you get into the steps of giving yourself permission.

Because if you can give yourself permission to understand that you can grow your circle,

You're going to give yourself permission to engage.

And once you give yourself permission,

You can begin to look at the other part that usually holds us in the negative comfort zone to begin with,

And that's failure.

Remember how I said we often unknowingly look for failure?

Well,

That's because we tend to usually give up too quickly because we haven't given our failures,

Our mistakes,

And our missteps in the past the credit that they deserve.

Before you yell,

What?

I want you to hear me for just a second.

Think about this.

Your failures,

Your mistakes,

Your missteps deserve credit.

When we refuse to give these pieces,

Our failure in life credit,

Our comfort zones become built only on our wins and we become risk adverse.

Just as everything changes,

You will fail.

Period.

At one point or another,

You will push yourself right out of that comfort zone and the results you wish to create will fall flat.

Fine.

Everyone experiences that.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with failure.

The trouble becomes when we fail to look at the failure itself.

I want you to think about this as to why your failure deserves credit.

You know,

Failure really is a guide,

A handbook,

A lesson plan in success.

How is that possible?

Well,

If you know what went wrong,

If you know how something didn't work out,

Why you didn't show up the way you should have,

Wouldn't that give you one step closer to formulating the plan of how you could get a desirable result?

Wouldn't that failure deserve credit for bringing you to what you wanted?

Listen,

If you don't deep dive into victim mode or the discomfort of negative woe is me comfort zone,

Wouldn't you have the power then to become clearer on your aim?

Your failures deserve credit.

What was that sentence that had us drawing our circle to begin with?

Oh,

Yeah.

Growth always happens outside of our comfort zone.

Failure is one of the most uncomfortable things we do as humans.

And yet it teaches us what we should put into our comfort zone to begin with or what we are scared to do.

We can use our failures as teachers and use them as the positive attributes that go right inside of our circle.

You know,

We can say things like,

I am now comfortable with showing my emotions because I realize that it's safe to be vulnerable.

And maybe you learned that because you really had a relationship that failed because you were unwilling to be open and forthcoming with your emotions to begin with.

As I said,

Fear and change will never cease.

And your fear does not have to be negative.

You can give yourself permission to get unstuck and disrupt the comfort zone by knowing that your failure is really the track,

The lesson plan to your overall success.

The next thing we do,

We have to look at the benefit of expanding our circle.

We can begin to engage with the positive what ifs in our life.

Now,

Listen to me.

I said positive what ifs.

A positive what if is looking at the risk and offering a positive benefit,

Even if fear is present.

A positive what if would be,

Say,

If you wanted to change your careers and that piece was right outside of your circle.

And you could then look at the what ifs of doing so.

Right.

So you could list a positive benefit for all of the things that would occur if you changed careers.

So maybe it would be I would be happier.

I'd be inspired to go to work every day.

I would feel like I'm serving my purpose.

I feel like I would be making a difference.

I would engage a new creativity.

And I think that would change my mindset and I can make new relationships and new friends.

Those would be built.

You know,

It's here where you're able to really look at the aim and where you can then use that fear as your positive motivation to expand your circle.

And put changing your career on the inside and not on the outside.

You know,

If you will really look at all of those things that are on the outside of your circle and what if them to death,

You're going to find all the reasons why that comfort zone needs to be expanded and why the benefit will always be less than the risk.

Write it out.

Give yourself all of the positive reasons why expanding that comfort zone and becoming unstuck in your daily life will not only serve you today,

But also tomorrow and the next week and the week after that and this year and beyond.

If any additional fears arise when you're doing that,

This is where you address them.

You work through them.

You weigh their truth.

You look at the lies.

You know,

If you take a step forward in changing your career and the mindset is that your family is going to be super disappointed in you,

Really begin to look at that information,

That truth.

Have you even asked?

More so,

Does it even matter?

Whose life is this?

Look at what comes up and push beyond.

Give your what if and answer it.

Next,

You're going to want to change your mindset and practice.

And I do mean practice believing in yourself.

Remember at the very beginning when I told you that the number one reason we feel stuck is because we literally do not do anything about changing that feeling.

What does that come down to?

Often it comes down to not believing in ourselves enough to take action.

It's I can't.

I don't know how.

I'm unsure.

The negative what if.

This is the language that is looking for failure.

This is the language of stuck.

So if we do the work ahead of time,

Looking at the benefit,

Addressing any unreasonable fears or any fears that come up,

We work to shift our mindset back into that place that isn't seeking the hard,

But instead is seeking change.

We can really look at what a true comfort zone is.

A comfort zone is an operation of your belief system.

Have you ever thought of that?

Have you ever really broken down this big truth?

Think about what you did with the circle exercise.

You put in everything that you knew confidently that you could do without it feeling like a risk.

What is that?

That is your belief system in action.

If your belief system,

Your comfort zone is filled with I can't and the story of stuck,

Our thoughts paralyze us into no action.

If you think negatively about your ability to expand your circle,

That circle is always going to stay the same.

You put walls and hard stops where there are none.

It's here where you have to really practice believing in yourself.

A great way to do that is through journaling.

Take a moment and list your successes.

Really those past comeback stories that maybe you have forgotten until this moment.

I really want you to think about those times where you pushed your own boundaries.

This doesn't actually have to be major moments.

It can be small victories too.

If you've never created a victory list,

This is the time.

Really get on it now because it really will help you.

And if it doesn't take you a lot of time,

Go a step further and write out how you felt when you were successful.

You know,

What did you learn?

How did that shape you?

What confidence,

Skill and behavior,

Even understanding did you extract from that singular moment?

Do it again and again until you run out of ink or even accomplishments.

Doing this list helps us understand and believe in ourselves.

That understanding that we have the power to do what we must when we need to as we desire to do so.

You know,

When I've asked women to tell me these moments,

This list and sort of verbalize these actions,

I have been blown away by what they say,

By these statements of self-belief.

And I want to share a few of them with you.

It's statements like,

I didn't cry when I got another pregnancy test that was negative after nine months of trying.

Instead,

I went to the store and I bought another one for next month.

Or I left an abusive marriage without anything because I knew I would never be whole the way I was.

I've had women say to me,

I'm the one who asked my spouse to marry me.

I told my parents that I was gay.

I started a business when everyone thought I would fail.

I got clean after years of substance abuse and everyone turning their back on me.

I found courage to stand up for myself.

I went back to school after 50.

I no longer speak to that toxic person who challenged my emotional health and well-being.

These are the victories.

These are the comfort zone pushers.

These statements of self-belief that I have been told time and time again by you.

And I have to say,

We all have these statements of self-belief,

These victories,

Big and small,

That show us we do not have to live in negative discomfort.

We know that we can believe in ourselves based on our lives.

Do the work to see it.

You know,

If journaling isn't your thing,

Create a vision board of your successes.

Go digital and get on Pinterest and do the same.

Not of your goals and intentions,

But of things you've actually achieved.

Give yourself the visual of your self-belief,

Because once you remember all of those victories,

It's so easy to expand that circle.

It seems like a much more manageable task.

Once you move through all the hows,

It's time to try something new.

It's time to step out of the familiar and experience what makes you feel vulnerable.

What makes you feel excited and uncomfortable?

It's time to step up.

You know,

Create a joy list or these things that will inspire you to take on something new,

To expand that circle even bigger.

You know,

Do the small things too.

This doesn't have to be a massive undertaking.

You know,

Think about it.

Think about what has been circulating in your mind and do those things too.

You know,

If you've waited to try a new exercise class because of your,

Perhaps,

Weight,

But you really want to do it,

You're kind of scared and uncomfortable,

Push yourself out of the zone.

Dare yourself to boldly go in.

Don't worry about what other people are thinking and actually do what works for you.

Boldly take action.

These are the great steps to how.

You know,

We have to look at what's important.

We have to look at the individual process.

We have to identify why we feel stuck.

Get down to the root of it and look at how you are holding yourself back.

Then you have to examine the circle.

Ask yourself how you're going to create the change.

Use your fear and your failure as your motivators.

Give yourself permission to create that change.

Practice self-belief and then do something new.

Take action.

I get that all of that is easier said than done.

I get it.

And if this feels overwhelming for you,

Start small.

I mean,

Baby steps.

Remember,

We have to have comfort zones.

So I'm not asking you to throw everything away.

You have to have a home base and purpose and tension and really comfort is that.

But,

You know,

If you are overwhelmed,

I really want you to think about,

Can you do something small,

Like drive a different route to work?

Can you wake up your brain and make it focus instead of using routine?

Can you push yourself to listen to new music or perhaps listen to a podcast or listen to an audio book that would really be outside of your norm?

Can you switch up your morning routine?

Can you brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand?

Can you sign up for a new course?

Can you make it your mission to speak up in the business meeting when you choose to usually keep your mouth silent?

Seek new opportunities,

Big and small.

Again,

I'm not asking you to trash your comfort zone.

I'm asking you to leave the negative standstill of stuck.

I'm asking you to let go of those words,

To let go of those operations.

I'm asking you to drop the excuses.

I'm asking you to step off the edge of I can't.

Stop foregoing action that will benefit you while you look for failure and simply do yourself a favor and get uncomfortable.

You're going to be uncomfortable at one point or another anyway.

So why not do it for yourself instead of being forced to do it?

You know,

Have a little bit of fun,

Experience,

Explore,

And shift your life from the negative comfort to wild motivation.

Look fear in the face and do it anyway.

Your life is waiting.

Growth happens where?

Outside of your comfort zone.

And as you expand that zone,

Your life will become fuller and fuller.

But it means that you have to take risk.

It means that you have to say yes.

Yes to everything you want.

Yes to everything you need.

Yes to everything you deeply desire.

And then it's also believing that you are worthy enough to really take that essential step.

Thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode,

Which originally aired on the Get Your Life Together Girl podcast.

Please take the time to review this conversation and follow me here on Insight Timer for more courses,

Meditations,

And additional conversations.

Until next time,

Be kind to yourself and others.