Releasing The Limiting Belief Of “I’m Not Good Enough!”

Buckle up because we are dancing with our struggles today.

A struggle that I hope that I can help shed some light on and begin to shift your perspective around.

So here's the big question.

You know I like to start with one.

So how many of you have uttered the words,

I am not good enough?

Did you just shudder?

Because really it does make you shudder.

Those words are daggers straight through the heart,

Aren't they?

Look,

I have said them.

I have uttered those nasty words in connection to projects that I have poured my heart and soul into and yet still found myself saying,

What if what I created isn't good enough?

With the questioning of my talent,

Of my abilities,

I questioned my worth.

I've said it about my body.

What if I don't look good enough for this big event?

Or I'm not pretty enough?

Or this room is going to be filled with beautiful people and then there's me.

I've literally said those words aloud.

Essentially,

Me questioning my body or my talent is placing external value on other people's opinions of me,

Of my worth at that very moment.

And that is something we are certainly going to deep dive into.

But the truth is,

I know that I'm not alone because if we were all being honest here,

Right,

Like all of us knew that this was a safe space of no judgment and owning our truth,

There wouldn't be a single female that wouldn't be able to admit that they have said these words in some form or another,

That they have questioned their worth,

That they have said,

I am not good enough.

And yet it would really take a safe space to make that happen,

Right?

Because not feeling good enough or feeling as if you're lacking or not worthy is one feeling that so many of us actually refuse to openly admit,

Safe space or not.

We dance with it internally.

We know it's there,

That this whisper grows into a roar if we leave it unchecked.

But we kind of fool ourselves into thinking that all of the walls and trying to be superwoman will hide this inner strain that is so deeply working against us.

Some even go as far as allowing this lack of worth to blanket everything they do.

If we admit we feel unworthy,

Then surely that has to be the truth,

Right?

Wrong.

And yet for so many women not feeling good enough,

Whether it's at home,

At work,

As a mother,

A wife,

A friend,

Whatever it is,

It really seems to hold the emotional equivalent that many men hold over when it comes to being worried about being overly sensitive or openly expressing their emotions.

But when we try and try is the big word here,

Try to hide how we feel about ourselves and our worth,

Those feelings play out in other ways because we can't actually hide anything.

We tell on ourselves repeatedly because these feelings of lack do a number on our subconscious,

On our thought patterns,

Our emotional body,

Our relationships,

Our day to day life.

What's so interesting about that is if you understand the way not feeling good enough shows up in our behaviors,

You will quickly begin to also see who in your life is truly confident,

Who has self-worth,

And who is struggling with feeling good enough.

And yet I have to obviously give you a warning too,

Because what you may hear about self-worth may make you confront your own feelings of worth.

I mean,

I did say buckle up earlier,

Right?

Okay,

So let's take on our own feelings.

Let's take on not feeling good enough.

Let's stare down our worth and get out of our own damn way.

Because truthfully,

So much time is spent trying to shift our mindset into positivity when the underlying thought pattern is so busy trashing ourselves and listening to ungrounded,

Untruthful conversations that honestly,

If you think about it,

Really have no hope of shifting into something else.

It's downright impossible.

Because if you want to change your life,

If you want to get your life together,

You have to start with the inner conversation.

And that starts by taking on your self-worth.

Before we deep dive,

Before we get into even the how or really finding a new definition of self-worth,

We absolutely need a fresh perspective.

So there's a big thought that I want to hand over to you,

But do yourself a favor and just let it settle for just a moment.

Don't try to wrestle with it.

Don't try to argue.

Just really let it settle and soak in the magnitude of this truth before we really get going,

Before we take on our worthiness and how to clean up that inner conversation that trashes the beauty in which you are.

So that fresh perspective,

It's this.

You will never dislike,

Belittle,

Or make yourself small enough or even hate yourself into a better version of you.

It's not even possible.

Do you need to hear that again?

Because here it goes.

You will never dislike,

Belittle,

Or make yourself small enough or even hate yourself into a better form of who you are.

Listen,

Growth may always be and may often be sparked by hard events,

But self-respect,

Self-worth,

Self-love,

Self-anything,

Right,

Will never be born out of negativity.

This is one concept that is really so simple,

And yet until it's handed over to us in really simple terms,

It's something that just doesn't seem to land.

It's sort of arbitrary and filler words until it sort of smacks us in the face.

So let it settle.

Let it soak in so that you understand that you cannot hate yourself into a better version of you.

You can't belittle yourself into a better version.

You cannot do anything in negativity in hopes that it's going to turn into a positive.

So with this understanding,

The next natural question would be,

Where do we start?

How do we change our definition of self-worth?

How do we level up?

How do we create a life where we do feel good enough?

And the first part of that is by understanding what self-worth is,

How it shows up in our lives,

And essentially what it is not.

And then I'm going to give you sort of a game plan,

A step-by-step way to begin to really focus and then change your relationship with yourself and feeling good enough.

So let's take on that definition first and foremost.

So self-worth simply means having a sense of yourself.

It's the value you place on yourself.

It's a feeling,

An understanding that you are worthy of all the things that are not only in your life,

Not only in your awareness,

But what you want to create for such.

It's an unconditional desire to cultivate more for yourself because you know that you deserve more.

It's an emotional outlook.

It is the basis of self-love.

It's even essential to our happiness because it helps you respect yourself.

It helps you make wise decisions.

It is the creator of personal boundaries.

Go back and listen to the week and sloppy boundaries episode to hear how this goes hand in hand with not keeping your boundaries in place.

Self-worth enables you to be confident,

Authentic,

Remove the things,

People,

And toxic habits,

And even emotions from your life that are not working for you.

It inspires and really cultivates friendships and partnerships.

It literally has the power and presence to improve the overall quality of your life.

That seems like a lot,

Doesn't it?

But it's true.

In fact,

I was speaking about self-worth not too long ago,

And I received the best response from a woman who wrote me and said,

Your definition of self-worth reminds me of the word dignity.

And she is so right because self-worth is dignity.

It's valuing and respecting yourself morally,

Mentally,

Emotionally,

Physically,

And through everything that you do.

You see,

The consequences of low self-esteem are massive.

They're so huge because,

As I said before,

It tanks everything in your life.

It can lead to anxiety,

Depression,

Risky behavior,

The acceptance of abusive relationships,

Drug and alcohol abuse,

And it can even lead us to even darker consequences.

And the truth is,

Many of us that wrestle with self-worth know that it's present.

But in all fairness,

I must still offer what it looks like if your feelings and behaviors and inner conversations are still a bit unsure,

If you're really struggling with self-worth.

A lack of self-worth can show up by feeling like you always have to try to fight your way through life.

So that sounds like nothing is ever working out for me.

It's constantly trying to live up to impossible standards and never quite hitting that mark.

So it's,

I can't do anything right.

It's feeling as if you're constantly living in criticism.

I get it.

I'm worthless.

You have a hard time drawing the line between the people who are on your side from the negative people looking to smother your shine.

That sounds like,

I just don't have anyone who actually supports me.

I mean,

Why would I?

Look at me,

Look at my life.

It's living in constant doubt.

I can't,

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure this is ever going to happen.

It's struggling to believe that anyone can or would ever love you or that you could ever be lovable again.

It's the inability to accept a compliment without feeling embarrassed or as if someone's trying to get something from you.

That sounds like,

Why would you say that?

It's not true.

It's even settling for less in relationships and jobs because,

Quote,

This is the best that I can do.

It's not true.

Right?

You know,

It's even being scared to share your authentic self with the world because you're afraid to assert your needs or speak up for yourself.

That sounds like,

My voice doesn't matter.

That list is nasty.

And as I said before,

Self-worth does not thrive in negatives.

And no,

You don't have to have every single one of those operations or actions on that list working within your life to know or to be struggling with your worth.

But think about it.

One or two of those things can really do a girl in,

Right?

There's another piece to our worth that can really pull us under,

Too.

It's,

Quote,

The good opinions of others.

I say that all the time,

The good opinions of others.

So what does that mean?

It means that we can feel that our opinions are best,

But it doesn't mean that it actually serves the person we're handing it over to.

So it's our good opinion.

It's what would work for us if we were in that other person's shoes,

If we were in that situation.

We often offer these opinions with little understanding or context to what the person is actually dealing with,

Right?

Because most of the time,

We're not being told all of the situation,

Just sort of the highlights.

And then we offer our good opinions.

We take on these good opinions.

We connect with them,

Agree with them,

Whether subconsciously or consciously.

And then we allow them to downgrade our worth if the good opinion isn't actually that good to begin with.

Remember how I told you to buckle up?

Because there's another layer to all of this,

Right?

So the personal layer,

The good opinions of others,

And then there is that measuring stick of worth that goes beyond that list that I just gave you and looks at the outside elements that we use against ourselves internally.

Those measuring sticks look,

Feel,

And sound like how we look.

So our appearance,

Even the number on the scale when we weigh ourselves.

You know,

Some believe if they're too heavy that there's something wrong with them,

Which then lowers their worth.

Or if they're too thin,

That maybe they're really too,

Too thin,

And that then lowers their value.

Isn't there always some sort of tripwire of perfection somewhere?

I mean,

If you were fully engaged with your self-worth,

Would you even question your weight?

Would you question what you look like and how you're showing up physically to the world?

To go a step further,

If you're beautiful and have been praised for your beauty,

You're likely to have a higher value of self that you've gained from outside sources.

And then on the flip side,

If you're not considered,

You know,

Perhaps beautiful in someone else's eyes by their standard,

Your value isn't perhaps as high in your own eyes if you've heard the opposite or if you've struggled with feeling unseen or not beautiful at all.

Are you starting to see how the good opinion of others can really tank our self-worth?

The next element of our,

You know,

Self-worth when it comes to external factors would be our net worth,

Right?

How much money we make.

What you make or don't make often defines your value on a larger scale,

Right?

So from the outside in.

If you make a lot of money,

Then you must be smart and successful.

And for some unknown reason,

Because I don't quite understand it,

Many associate wealth with being a good person,

Which I think we can all agree that not all wealthy people can be considered good people,

Right?

Some of the richest people that I've ever met are some of the most awful.

So seriously,

It's an odd standard,

But it seems like wealth equals goodness.

Then,

Of course,

There's the standard that if you don't make much money that perhaps you're lazy or you're uneducated or even unmotivated.

Money is then related to our careers.

What is the first thing that is asked when you meet someone new?

So what do you do for a living?

Many have a genuine interest in getting to know someone by asking this simple question,

But for others,

The reason they ask is much more calculated.

It's much more calculated so that they can give you a value,

A perceived value based on what you do,

Your title,

Your labels.

Think about it this way.

Perhaps you're at a dinner party and someone says,

So what do you do for a living?

And you say,

Well,

I'm a doctor and they hold doctors in high esteem.

Well,

Then automatically you're sort of given this credit,

Right?

This worth,

This value that's unearned.

If someone has had a terrible experience with doctors and you say,

Well,

I'm a doctor,

Guess what?

Your value just plummeted.

All of these measures,

Again,

Are external elements,

Not the person themselves.

And what it really comes down to is perception.

Our perception,

Our perspectives of ourselves,

Of other people are built through our life's experiences.

And while many may have the same perceptions or perspectives that we do,

We surely don't hold all of the same ones.

And yet here we are trying to own our worth,

Our value based on things that we can't ever fully wrap our minds around because we don't all come from the same place.

We are not all culturally the same.

We don't have the same backgrounds,

Definitions,

Upbringings,

You name it.

Our lives are not the same no matter how closely we try to make them match.

We're trying to gauge our worth based on someone else's background.

Can you even imagine?

We've been doing this so subconsciously and then all of a sudden we're like,

Why don't we believe in ourselves?

Why aren't we good enough?

Well,

Because we could never possibly meet somebody else's standards.

We have to understand this.

And there's an even bigger truth in all of this.

We are not our titles.

We are not our jobs.

We are not all of those things,

No matter how hard we try to make our self-worth material.

It's not.

It will never be.

Here's why.

We can lose our money and our financial standards can change.

If we lost everything and our value is made up,

It's tied to the numbers of our bank accounts,

What happens?

Who are you then?

Would you even know?

If you lost your job and your entire worth is centered around that title,

What happens then?

If you were in a terrible car accident and the beauty that you're known for is marred,

What would you have to lean your worth on after this defining life change?

You now see that your worth is not external.

It all comes from within.

With our internal measures,

Our worth,

Our outside influences,

It really is a mind-blowing thing when we start to see that in order to have self-worth,

That we must go within.

It is essential to thrive in our lives.

I'm not even touching feeling good enough as a mom or a wife.

That's a whole other podcast,

Right?

How can we really start to change this?

How can we change the words and feelings and actions from,

I'm not good enough or I'm not worthy to really owning a level of self-value and self-worth?

Well,

The first step is really by admitting that we are slow dancing with this devil.

Each of us can be overly hard on ourselves,

Feel inadequate or fall really into a vicious cycle of using our words against ourselves.

And that's really what that is.

When we say,

I'm not good enough,

It is really emotional warfare.

I tossed out a few statements earlier and maybe those words didn't resonate,

But maybe these will.

It's words like,

I'm not smart enough.

I'm not pretty enough.

I'm not capable enough.

I'm not talented enough.

I'm not young enough.

I am not.

When you say these words in any form,

You begin to toss fuel on everything you think,

Feel,

And do.

As you've heard me say before,

If you've listened to other episodes of the podcast or heard me speak,

Or even watched any of the live conversations on the Get Your Life Together Girl Instagram page,

I often will say what we tell ourselves becomes our truths.

So important to hear,

Let me repeat it.

What we tell ourselves becomes our truths.

What we feed our mind becomes our truths.

Our mind then becomes really this mechanism that ties nearly everything back to that truth,

To that lack of enoughness.

And that truth becomes infused in everything you do.

I mean,

I have literally watched strangers drop something at the store and it sends them into a tailspin of how stupid they are.

And they're literally saying this out loud.

I know you've seen it.

You may have even done this,

But as I watch it,

I think,

Wow,

Really,

Is that the truth?

You just dropped something.

I even remember saying it to a young mother one day,

And she said,

It's not the truth.

I'm just really tired.

And I said,

I understand,

But don't beat yourself up for being tired.

Because what we tell ourselves becomes our truth.

Remember how I said we always tell on ourselves?

This is it.

These are the examples of how we tell on ourselves.

We have to examine the health and state of our relationships once we openly admit this dance,

This struggle,

Because we break down relationships by our feelings of lack.

That looks like perhaps you text a friend and she doesn't immediately respond.

What happens?

The wheels start spinning in your head and,

Oh,

Maybe she's mad at me.

I'm so stupid.

I don't know why I always make people so upset.

That inner conversation of lack and worth becomes so dirty,

So unnecessary,

And honestly,

Not the truth.

We even persuade ourselves out of things we've dreamt up for so long.

I can't do it.

I'm going to fail.

We question.

We stop looking for our meaning and our purpose.

We lie to ourselves and say that we have no purpose in this life.

And really,

We're just a waste of space.

It's a lie.

It's a dirty,

Nasty,

Untrue lie.

After enough time,

We let others cross our boundaries because our own self-defeating cycles.

Not feeling worthy,

Not being good enough is a thought pattern.

It's an emotional operation that creates true real-life consequences.

And the first step to changing this pattern,

Any pattern really,

Is to witness,

Acknowledge,

And then formulate a plan to fix it.

This is the point where,

When I work with people in private session,

That they begin to put up roadblocks.

They begin to ask sort of the same questions,

And those conversations tend to sort of circle around the same thing.

And so I want to give those to you because maybe this conversation's already formulating in your head.

And it sounds a lot like,

Okay,

Fine.

I will admit that I don't feel worthy or that I'm struggling with feeling good enough,

But I don't understand why.

And that's really the big question,

The why.

As we begin to dig deeper,

The root of the struggle tends to be pointed back in some of the same general directions.

So for some,

It's external pressure and that comparison game.

So it's weighing everything that they are against others that are around them.

It's the comparisons that happen within families.

You need to get good grades like your brother or your sister.

You need to get a job that's going to financially support you like so-and-so.

Or did you know that your cousin is now the president or the CEO of such-and-such company?

It's all of these things.

It's the success of others that we weigh against our own personal value.

It's even those that we follow on social media,

To the neighbor who has a better car or the bigger house.

You name it.

If there's something to compare,

Often this is a big,

Major factor for a lot of people.

In others,

It runs much deeper and it's a result of abusive relationships or childhood trauma,

Or even the old rhetoric that we were told as a child and that we didn't really have the wherewithal not to own.

It's outside of the home,

Negative lessons that we learn from our childhood.

It's being bullied.

It's not feeling loved.

There are a host of other reasons,

But really what it comes down to is our connection to the events in our lives.

If our mindset is to always connect to our situations in a negative way,

Then we're going to use our thoughts of inadequacy to always be rooted in our wounds,

In our situations.

And then we become wired subconsciously to look for signs of ways that we're never going to measure up.

Are there other reasons?

Absolutely.

But really all of those are sort of the major ones,

Let's say.

But under all of that,

It comes down to an underestimation of ability,

Strength,

Overall wellness,

And the self.

It's a devaluation of who you are.

Now,

Let's think about this for a second.

Have you ever woken up and suddenly made a conscious choice to underestimate yourself?

Of course you haven't.

Of course you didn't wake up and think,

Today I'm going to underestimate myself.

I've never worked with anyone or met anyone who has purposely done this.

The point is that really after we have owned so much negative,

So much lack,

That this becomes the conditions of our lives.

We're not consciously choosing it.

You can't fail every single day.

So we have to get to a place that we can drop that line of thinking and really move back into a new understanding.

Because once we understand this,

Once we know that we are always going to be good enough,

We have an opportunity,

A beautiful opportunity really,

To create our own definition of what it means to be good enough for ourselves.

No one else,

But just for us.

And it's a definition not based on the past,

Not based on the opinions of others,

Not based on anything but what we think right now,

Today,

In this very moment.

Because once you understand this,

Once you create a new definition,

You will also know that your definition will grow and change as you do.

Right?

Because we can have a baseline understanding of being good enough.

But then as we practice being good enough,

As we really own this in our thought patterns and our behaviors,

What happens?

Our definition changes.

How do we create that definition?

How do we get to a place where we can really begin to own the definition so that it can change and grow?

We first must look at ourselves through a deeper lens,

Even a new scope,

If we must.

You can do this by really answer a host of questions.

So grab a pen because no matter where you are in your current level of self-worth,

These are really excellent to help you either level up or to gauge what you need to flush out and work on a little bit more.

So here they are.

The first one is,

Who am I?

Who am I at my core?

And then who am I not?

The not in this case is just as important as who you are,

Because this allows you to really let go of the titles and the labels and the pieces that we've owned that really aren't ours to begin with.

The next question is,

Do I consider myself to be a good person,

A person of value?

Really important to know,

Do I actually think that?

Is that really my truth?

The third one is,

What do I consider to be my greatest value point?

Meaning,

Do you consider yourself to say,

Be truthful or compassionate or resourceful or respectful?

You get it.

What is your top value?

What is your top worthiness point that you give out to the world?

The next question that you ask really uses that top value and it begins to ask,

Do I use that value towards myself?

And if you don't,

Why not?

And if you do,

Why do you do that?

The next question is,

Are you willing to show up in your life?

Are you willing to try your best regardless of the unknown outcome?

Really important because that will actually build the worthiness,

The enoughness.

If you're willing to step into anything,

Not knowing how it's going to unfold,

That allows you to know that you have self-worth.

The next question is,

Do you try to be the best person you can be?

In doing so,

Do you witness that you try your best?

Do you care about yourself and the way you feel?

Do you care about others?

And the last question is,

What do you believe in?

When you can witness yourself at the core level,

Right,

The baseline level,

When you can hear your truth of your inner thoughts and not the outside noise or the practice thoughts you've spent way too much time rehearsing in your head is when you have the basis of what you need to formulate your own definition of being good enough,

Your own definition of self-worth.

And when you have it,

It's from there that we have to really move into the self-validation process.

Listen,

Every single one of us needs validation.

We are absolutely 100% wired for connection.

We're wired to be loved and to give love.

Validation feels like acceptance and understanding that that is where connection comes from.

But the biggest thing is,

The biggest truth that we really need to witness at this point is that we have to validate ourselves because we will never believe anyone else's words if we do not feel that way on some level within.

Again,

I've said this a million times.

I'm going to say it again because you cannot affirm what you do not believe in.

You cannot feel good about what you do not believe.

Remember our beginning truth.

You can never downgrade yourself into worth.

You must learn to tell yourself what you need to hear and mean it.

This is the process of self-validation.

I want to give you the basic steps to begin this process.

Yes,

They are very elementary,

But it will definitely serve you if you're really working to find your worth.

The first step is to notice how you feel because once you notice how you feel,

You can really move into change.

So,

For example,

Say you feel like everyone is judging your choices.

Perhaps that then makes you feel really angry because you don't feel like you can do or make choices that work for you.

The question would be,

Really,

What do I need?

How does this make me feel?

And what can I do for myself to make me feel my best,

Own what works for me,

And validate myself into a good-feeling thought?

Or perhaps,

Say,

You feel like your decision-making skills are not so great,

Right?

They're not good enough.

The next question that you would ask yourself is,

What do I need and why?

Why do I feel that my decision-making skills are not good?

Perhaps it's just that you need more information before you dive into making a decision and you've never really allowed yourself to take that step to do so,

And so things don't turn out the way that you desire.

So,

It's really about witnessing how you feel and then taking the next step and questioning,

What do I need?

Knowing how you feel is the basis of worth.

Knowing how to get what you want puts self-worth into practice,

Into the operation of using your thoughts and your feelings and actions in your favor.

Your feelings are valid,

But you must witness them in order to make progress.

The next step is to accept those feelings and your needs without self-judgment.

Look,

When we judge ourselves,

We diminish our worth.

Remember I said that at the very beginning,

Is I was really downgrading myself by questioning what I was capable of doing or how I looked.

You already know this truth though.

You know that this is your life.

This is your space and time to live and show up as you want,

As you need,

As your best self.

Accept how you feel without saying that it's wrong or bad and work through those feelings to make them work for you.

Once you get to the root and accept,

You have the power to change.

It's an understanding that you are more than your accomplishments or your failures.

You're more than the good opinion of others.

And no matter what those opinions may be or how you think others may see you,

It's time to really take the judgment away and stop looking at the standards on which everyone expects you to live up to,

Validate your feelings,

And then say,

How am I going to get there?

Because that's the third step.

The third step is really allowing yourself to create solutions.

This is so necessary for self-validation because when we don't feel good enough,

We fail to validate our ability to do what we need.

We hold ourself in place.

We don't create solutions to situations that are honestly not that massive to begin with,

But we've made them bigger by leaning into our enoughness.

In order to create change,

You have to allow yourself to create solutions to whatever is weighing you down.

This is a part of knowing you are good enough.

If you can create solutions and validate your ability to achieve the solution,

What is that?

It's worthiness.

It's incredibly simple when we begin to really throw away the outside forces and get down to the real root of worthiness.

The next step is we have to be willing to take action.

This validation is action.

Action in this case of validation is really reaching for different self-talk.

We must practice self-talk that leaves room for growth.

Do the words,

I'm not good enough,

Leave room for growth?

Hell no,

It doesn't,

Right?

It shuts the door on growth.

It says,

No thanks,

Come back later,

If you really even come back at all.

We are 100% the masters of everything we do.

You can master positive self-worth just as easily as you can master negative self-worth.

Either way,

If you're committing to it,

You're mastering it.

Another step is we must own that there is value in imperfect action,

Right?

So we're taking action.

Now we have to really allow permission to be imperfect in the action.

In not feeling good enough,

There is always an error,

A craving,

A seeking,

A validation.

This is where you must learn to tell yourself,

Offer yourself,

And do for yourself that which you would do for others.

So important.

It is the base of validation.

It is knowing that you're worthy enough to show up for yourself.

I mean,

When was the last time you asked yourself,

What do I need to hear?

What do you think the purpose of affirmations are,

Right?

When was the last time you asked yourself that?

Like we practice affirmations,

But really the root of it is,

What do I need to hear?

What do I need to feel right now?

What do I want to feel right now?

I ask myself,

I ask myself this all the time.

And because I've been doing it for so long,

My questions are a little bit different.

So depending on where you are in your self-worth journey,

You may want to try these questions.

I ask myself,

What will elevate my mood?

What will give me more energy,

Fire,

Passion to continue to knock down my goals and serve?

What do I want to feel like right now?

Don't ask everyone else to feed that answer.

You have to do this for yourself because emotional wellness starts with you and it is the absolute definition of self-validation.

It is this process.

So validate your feelings,

Accept them,

Plan to take control of them,

Usher your thoughts into worth and building yourself up instead of ripping apart what you know are your actual strengths.

My goodness,

You are amazing.

So stop trashing that amazement with words that are not grounded in truth because these are the steps.

Now that you understand this,

I want to give you a few hows to get there,

Right?

So you've done the self-validation,

You've witnessed,

You understand.

Now,

How can we get there?

The first is to listen to the words that are resonating in your head.

And as you listen to them,

I really want you to get deep into them and question if these words are your words or the words of someone else,

You know,

The good opinion of someone else.

Maybe the voice is yours,

But are the words?

Maybe you're hearing how your relationship is going to fall apart because that's what always happens.

The inner conversation is going to get deeper.

You know,

It takes another dark turn and all of a sudden you're saying,

You know,

You're going to get in the way,

You're going to create problems and everything's going to blow up because that's really what you do.

And as you listen to the words,

Again,

I want you to question,

Is this my voice or are these words really coming from a conversation that perhaps you had with your mother two Christmases ago when you were telling her about the new love in your life?

You know,

Listen to the words,

Listen to the voice,

Are the things you are feeding yourself honestly yours?

This exercise is an absolute mental workout.

I'm not going to lie to you.

It's not easy,

But it's highly likely that as you begin to listen,

You're going to find that the things that you're feeding yourself were never words that you actually said to yourself to begin with.

It really comes down to taking on something that someone else handed over.

So if the words are not yours,

Doesn't it feel rational that you have the power to then let them go?

That sounds like,

Nope,

These are not my words.

They are not my truths and I am no longer going to accept them as such.

And every time those sneaky thoughts come bouncing in,

It's that same powerful statement to release your connection to them.

No,

These are not my words.

These are not my truths and I will no longer own them as such,

Period.

The next how is something that I've done personally multiple times and it really is an amazing eye opener and it's to write a failures list that is failure versus victories.

We have all failed.

We have.

Failure really is the opener to ingenuity.

And as we fail,

We tend to then use that as evidence as to why we are not worthy.

But here's the deal.

The purpose of this exercise is not to show you your failures.

It's to show you how many times you've stood up,

How many times you've taken opportunity from adversity,

And how you are now using those moments to either work for you or against you.

So make that list.

From there,

Write out what you learned from each and everything that you have listed.

When you see this,

You can then use those lessons to validate your worthiness.

Would you have had those understandings if the failure wouldn't have occurred?

You could even do the same for your wins.

What did you learn?

What you are most likely going to find out is that your biggest lessons,

The greatest validation,

Your strength,

They don't come from the victories.

They add to your worth,

But that's not where those big understandings come from.

It comes from those hard fought moments,

The life revolutions,

The stories that made you level up and define yourself.

Worth is in the doing.

Worth is found in validation.

Worth is found inside the knowledge that you can do all things.

And in doing all the things,

You're good enough to step up to the plate.

Besides,

What's in your life wouldn't be there if it wasn't meant to teach,

Guide,

Or help define and create you or show you that you have always been built for more.

You got it?

I need you to really witness that.

I need you to own that.

Give yourself permission to really allow that to soak in.

So what happens?

What changes when you own this understanding?

When you challenge your thoughts,

Your feelings,

And your actions,

And you get into your own definition of worth and you begin to live it?

So much changes.

When you know your worth,

You value your time.

Time is your most expensive life resource,

Right?

It's your greatest commodity that's not replaceable.

So when you know your worth,

You know what's worth your time and what isn't.

You know where you want to place your energy and where you don't.

You begin to make choices that serve you instead of work against you.

This is really huge because if there's nothing else that has moved you in this conversation to own your worth,

Let it be this.

That owning your worth allows you to serve yourself and your time in a far more productive way,

Right?

So if you know your worth,

You know that you're showing up to your life in a way that works.

When you know your worth,

You allow yourself to be in the right relationships.

You let go of those relationships that are straining,

Tiring,

Cause friction,

And are built in pain.

When you know your worth,

You stand up for yourself.

You invest in yourself.

You know what's right.

You know what's working for you.

And you know how to maintain your boundaries when others unknowingly or knowingly cross them.

When you feel good enough,

When you feel worthy enough,

It's then that we really know that there's more for us.

We become capable of witnessing what is and knowing that in that moment,

We're exactly where we need to be.

And yet,

We also know that there's always more available to us.

We don't stop ourselves.

We don't say we're impossible.

Worth is knowing that everything is possible and that even your wildest,

Most unimaginable dreams are absolutely within your reach if you are bold enough to go after them.

And my dear,

You are bold enough.

In the end,

We ultimately stop self-sabotaging behaviors and living inside fear,

Guilt,

Imperfection,

Blame,

Being unloved.

We stop trying to shift our mindset through negativity into positivity and making life work for us.

We know our value.

We recognize it.

We can see it in ourselves and in others.

It's really time to get to know your strengths.

Start by actively telling yourself that you believe in yourself.

No one can actually do this for you anyway.

So as you meet a challenge,

Coach yourself through it step by step.

That sounds like I can do this.

I know I can.

I have the strength and the ability to do whatever I want.

Coach yourself.

Remind yourself who you are,

What you're capable of,

And give yourself space to have an inner conversation that is grounded in faith.

The past is gone.

Those little mistakes,

They're done.

They're teachers.

Remember?

Remember that failure list?

What did you gain?

Each time you say,

I'm not good enough,

I can't,

I'm not sure,

Whatever the words are that find your lips,

Offer a counter statement.

I can't.

Or I'm willing to give it a try.

I'm not good enough.

I am good enough.

I just don't have all the information I need right now.

Maybe the statement is I'm not sure.

And the positive statement is I'm detaching from the outcome and giving my best no matter what comes.

Counter the statements.

Make the negative a positive and make it work for you.

Start small.

Engage in your truth.

Find your definition.

Make it work.

In order to own anything,

Whether it's your worth or self-love or respect,

You have to give yourself permission to do so.

In fact,

Let's do that together right now,

Right?

Before we close this down,

Let's do that together.

I'm being serious.

Okay.

So repeat after me.

I am giving myself permission to own my strength and the very best of myself because I know I am worthy of anything I desire.

I'm going to say that quickly and put it all together.

I am giving myself permission to own my strengths and the very best of myself because I know I am worthy of anything I desire.

Write that statement down.

Twist the words and make them your own because you are priceless and you absolutely deserve to feel,

See,

And live your life through a lens of grounded truth.

A truth that lives through the understanding that you have always been good enough.

You've got this.

I promise you do.

I promise that you are good enough.

Thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode,

Which originally aired on the Get Your Life Together Girl podcast.

Please take the time to review this conversation and follow me here on Insight Timer for more courses,

Meditations,

And additional conversations.

Until next time,

Be kind to yourself and others.