Manage Energy In Tough Times W/ Guest Sonia Bueno De La Torre

On the language oh your broadcast is live.

Hey everybody welcome to life lessons and laughter.

We have been talking already for seven minutes right?

Yes.

Yeah I just I just looked up and I'm like something looks off.

It's just something and all of a sudden I'm like yeah where are the comments?

Yeah.

So hey hi everybody welcome to life lessons and laughter.

This may be I don't know if the first few minutes will be in the recording or not.

I don't know.

I don't know.

We might need to start it with laughter tonight.

Yes it's life lessons and laughter and this is a testament to the laughter.

All that important stuff you said right?

Okay so let's get started.

So this is Sonia we're neighbors she lives in the DR in Cabaret and we met on Insight Timer and about a year ago when I was visiting and she's a teacher there as well and she's wicked cool.

That's my Boston accent.

She's wicked cool and she was just nice enough to tell us a little bit about herself when I so blindly forgot to hit live.

So now we're alive and we won't go into in too much depth but I'll ask you to repeat a little bit of it anyway to get you guys back up to speed.

Okay so so Glenn asked me to tell you what I do and so I don't even remember what I said in the moment but ultimately we were just about to talk about that I was I was saying that it's not so much about what I do is more who I am when I'm doing and I've been doing energy work for a very long time for over 20 years and it's really about using the tool that is necessary in that moment and knowing which tool to use and so my background is in chakra psychology.

I know a lot of other tools and I was just about to share that analogy that's where we were.

People don't even talk about it doesn't matter.

The traveling like you have one language and you travel and with that one language you get along somewhere you can go places you can speak to people but if you're only very limited in one language you cannot go into such depth in a country or with a person and for me I see the tools that I have that are NLP,

EFT,

Psychodrama,

Family consultation whatever just to name a few there are more so it says it's different languages so when I go out and I speak several languages I can go deeper and I can communicate with people in a deeper way but it's not necessarily the language it's just my way of connecting and reaching them on a deeper level if that makes any sense.

Yeah it does and I think so do you do would you say it is a something you know I know you learned a lot of techniques in the past but would you say that you find out the right tool for the right person by more asking questions and diving in or is it more intuitive or is it a little bit of both?

Yeah that's a great question I think it's a little bit of both and I think ultimately the best tool is the constant relentless continuous inner work and I think you can relate to that too it's like it's not so much the tool that I learn it's me transforming my own shit and through me keep growing and keep looking and digging deeper and refining that with the tool so it's a mixture I do very much intuitive when I'm with a person I choose intuitively no but I also of course use questions and other tools to find out more but it's more like I'm tuning in to their field and where they're at and one of my skills of gifts if you want to say it is that I can't pursue what's behind the surface behind the obvious and so they might say something but the truth behind it is not what they're saying but I tune into that and then you know gently and obviously respectful use whatever tool is yes yeah and that's it I was laughing when you said that sometimes people say something but that's not actually what it is it's underneath and I mean that's probably 90% of what I do when people are talking I'm like I don't like saying I'm not paying attention I am paying attention I'm just not paying attention in the way that most people pay attention I'm just kind of monitoring the energy of what they're saying and I'm waiting for things to capture my attention so like as people are talking a lot of times it's just buzzing by and I don't really latch on to much that they're saying because most of it's just not important because it's details so now then all of a sudden like something will capture my attention it's like oh okay that needs to be tweaked or that's a sign as to what they really need to talk about or something you know so it's yeah that's so I right I think everybody that does our type of work does that at least to some level absolutely yeah and it's also because I mean 90% I mean it's the work 90% is moving through the protection mechanism the resistance and we all are the same that's why I'm such a huge advocate of getting help counseling therapist folks whatever you want to call it because we're blind to ourselves we want to change but the next the protection mechanism is too strong is too strong and also often people need to talk about it because they don't even know what's behind because if they would see it they would have less of a problem but so that's why it's you need someone that can see beyond because let's say someone struggles with depression that can be anything right and to really find the cause what is it they don't know it right yeah it's well it's one of my favorite quotes from Einstein he well one of my favorite quotes altogether but it happens to be from Einstein who said you can't fix a problem with the consciousness that created it you know it's there's a reason that that you're stuck and that's because you're you're going at something from a particular perspective and you don't if you knew the the proper perspective then you wouldn't be stuck you would just take the proper perspective you know so yeah getting that outside perspective and somebody that's you know preferably somebody that's you know practiced doing this type of work in the past because you know yeah who can see it you know and somebody that's you know somewhat emotionally detached because emotion clouds our vision this is one of the reasons why we can't see and when you go ask people like a lot of times what I notice and I'm guessing and I'll ask you know your opinion on this what I've seen a lot is in when people go look for help they go look they go ask people that they've known the longest which is really not a good qualifier whether they're the right person to hurt to to help you because they have so much emotion around you so if it's a parent or a sibling like they have a whole perspective based around you they're on your side screw everybody else they're not always the the best one to say hey you need to change this you know or a friend that's you know emotionally about as deep as a puddle that's not that's a good person to go have drinks with it's not a good person to have a heart opening you know insightful conversation with and they're like well geez they should be able to do it I've known them for 40 years it's like that that's not a qualifier I agree with you and also to add to it it's of course it can be helpful depending on the friend to get feedback to get you know like an opinion but of course if it comes to working through your trauma through your shit through deep transformation they're not not only qualified they're not qualified unless they are but even if they are a very skilled therapist it's not family is not the right person because there's too much attachment there's too much conditioning it's very difficult to stay kind of like objective and I personally but I'm very picky obviously you know it's like this is my jam so I have a few people that I work with very few people very picky but I personally only someone has credibility for me who is doing the deeper inner work themselves if someone doesn't work on themselves like take themselves on constantly look at themselves like really do the work they have no business giving me any advice when it comes to my own personal development like in other areas yes please give me but if someone just you know I read I read a book and they said that so you should do that it's like yeah but I think it's really important to get help in general if you are in a dark place or if you're struggling with something and it's good to have someone skilled and capable of really holding space for that person because it's it's more important for the person to feel safe and to be able to get help and to be able to be able to save and for me personally it's always it's more important to help the person then so it's not about them liking me because I'm very loving I'm very respectful and at the same time I'm also challenge them and let them look at what it's important to them and not just being nice and that takes a lot of skill too you know to really because you become a projection I mean you know this but I do well it's a lot of work for us to kind of navigate through that but ultimately it's really about helping anyone to see who they really are and it takes someone from outside to see us sometimes because it's like we are so full of stuff and you said something important about you know we are with that quote you know you can't fix the problem with the same consciousness that was created from an energetical perspective how I perceive energy and work through energy and considering that every chakra and energy center has its own consciousness and energy from an energetic perspective as the problems that we experience the problems the pain the negative whatever you want to label it it's usually in the lower chakras and it's about repolarizing the system so that you can literally unbook from that so that you do get a higher perspective and I teach that a lot like it's really about moving the energy up and repolarize to a higher consciousness because otherwise you are in the mud as long as you are in the mud you can turn around the mud you're still in the mud you've got to get first your head above water or about one and then you might still be still in the mud but consciousness is there and then you can do something about it so it's very real from an energetic perspective that image that you can be in the mud feeling that you're drowning and you only see that and you can get above the water and then of course you know this is I love I love that I love that analogy and this is honestly one of the reasons why I decided to start having people on for things like what you just said because I've never heard it put that way but there's many you know in being on a spiritual path as long as I I have I've met a lot of different people and I'm fully aware that there's all kinds of different perspectives and what I love about it is that when you go deep enough you land in the same place so you know from what you were just saying like you one of the when I first started life coaching years ago I started getting the comment how can you do that for a living like that must be horrible like listening to people's crap all day and and navigating that the worst parts of their life and all this stuff and and I mean like after I heard it a few times I was like I think I I think I should think about this and understand why it doesn't feel like that to me you know so when I went in I I got a visual of basically people being stuck in the mud like in a pit of mud and me standing like on the on the shore on the on the side with like throwing them a rope going hey come on I'll help you out of the mud where I you know with the main part being I don't climb into the mud with you because I'm no of no use to you there so I'm not going to climb into your problem I'm not going to climb into the energy of the problem and mush around and be oh what should we do oh I'm of no use to you there but I'll stand on the shore and I'll be like come this way do this look at what if you looked at it this way could you come you know stay I always stay in the solution and invite people into the solution from where they are and it just reminded me of that you know how you were saying it energetically yeah yeah super important and absolutely right and I think ultimately and you know different people are just different and use different tools but what you said if you go deep enough it's all about the same but not everybody resonates with everybody like everybody has a special gift or expertise and I think one of the things is why it's not a terrible job so to say is when you are able to manage your own energy as a therapist I work with a lot of coaches and healers myself because that's often the case that they don't manage the energy and they take too much on actually but that image is so correct you don't go into the mud however in my case at least because I've been in the mud and still sometimes am I'm very transparent I never lie I would never trust anyone who says I have it all together I'm never reaching the mud anymore I'm holy like I'm enlightened like I would not trust anyone like because as still as long as you're in a human body you will face certain challenges but you're not just caught in the mud like when I was 20 years ago but because I was in the mud and maybe you too glad is we can help them because we understand it I think it's very difficult to move anyone out of the mud if you don't really get it and also to hold space I think one of the things that I'm really good at or what I started healing is to hold space in acceptance with what is in that moment and then to help them out of the mud so yeah being in that is you know I came into spirituality through recovery and there it's very it's discussed often it's you know this is it's the whole program of AA and all the other 80 or 100 12-step programs that came off of it are all kind of based in the mentality of you know like if you've been through it then you can help others because you've been through it you know and I mean it's yeah in the beginning it's not too difficult like I went I saw a couple therapists in my life that and had discussions with a couple more that knew nothing about alcoholism and it was like I now they had studied alcoholism they were alcoholism counselors and I and I think that some people can actually do it an okay job in certain situations with that but with me like I was I mean I could sense that immediately that they hadn't been through what I had been through so it's you know so it's like I'm like yeah I can't so I think yeah having been through difficulties ourselves is is absolutely true and I think I think 99 of the people I would agree with you also what you said about if somebody says they have it all together don't trust them I would I would say 99 percent of the time that's correct there's probably like five enlightened people on the planet right now but they're very hard to find probably in the Himalayas somewhere I don't think they work one-on-one anymore with anyone probably not you know so but yeah it's it's true I still go through my stuff and I'm transparent with it exactly and even if that's whatever I say or believe does not mean you anyone has to believe or take it on that's just my perspective right now and and it might change as we are all growing right but yeah I agree with you and I think it's really important that you find someone that resonates and you know knows the struggle I'm still with you I mean alcoholism wasn't my issue but I know addiction I know severe depression I know severe self-hatred um not wanting to like I went through a lot of trauma and pain in my life and um and therefore I as same as you you can help people like I can have it but I don't know any of it if someone comes and says oh my god I am so depressed I want to die when I wake up in the morning and I say oh that's not good let's change that you know like just change your thoughts you know like just you know put your gratitude in there it's like well that's not gonna help because I know what it means to be in depression and you wake up in the morning and you just want to die right so um you're absolutely right so besides of life and liking people maybe you send one to me as soon as I meet them but so so I think this is a perfect segue to like you know you and I have both well I'll speak for myself and and um you know but I know you to some degree but not a ton about your past history but so I'll speak for myself you know I've been I've been through major anxiety issues with panic attacks I've been through depression suicide attempts um suicidal thoughts for long periods of time and like you know all that type of stuff so when we were going to talk and you know from what you've said you have too so from you know what what we're talking about obviously there's a ton of crap going on in the world right now this is if you know if there were such a thing as challenging times I think this would qualify so you know so how do you you know how do people manage their energy how do they keep their energy up or bring their energy back up or you know I'm not sure which door you want to come in this topic whatever you feel like talking about but um yeah you know how do you manage your energy with things like anxiety or depression or something like that in such challenging times that's a great question I want to tune into that moment because there's so much to say about it and I think one of one of the things is first of all like if anyone really struggles from this in very serious way get help I would say get help whatever you know like you are if it's something that you're challenged with and you don't have help yet get help because it's very hard to go through this by yourself um how I will answer a little bit about how I manage it and how I help my clients because that's maybe most tangible if it's all tangible for those who maybe don't know energy work um one of maybe the toughest things but very important is to practice a lot of acceptance now that is challenging when we are depressed or anxious because often that comes with judgment pressure and hopelessness now those don't go very well with self-love acceptance and compassion right so but that's kind of like the doorway and you want to start little one of the tools that I use and I have been using for 20 years and plus that changed my life is meditation but a particular type of energy-based meditation now what it does it does exactly what I spoke about with the match so it's like a full flow full energy flow kind of type of meditation to keep it super simple I can already stretch the surface here but the first flow is you go in you kind of like go in and discover what's actually going on inside of me and then you go you bring the energy up you really move the energy up you unplug from the lower you open up your third eye you connect to your crown you go up to your high self you connect to something higher than yourself that's for me like energy-based meditation it can be god universe source wisdom whatever that's that's for you but then connecting there as to really also unhooking that doesn't mean it's gone and you still get to do the work while it's there in the first place but you get a different perspective and you are not drowning anymore and then you bring that higher energy down because as I speak I do you know so you go in you bring the energy up you bring the energy down and then that energy you bring that out and often the third or fourth is actually missing for people who have done a lot of work already and meditate but to start to do something every day that helps you to connect with who you are beyond the panic beyond the depression anxiety and panic is a good example from an energy perspective when we are in panic or anxiety our energy spins very fast and our base chakra is collapsed so we are not grounded we are not centered we don't have any stability and it feels like like panic right when we are penniless so the first thing is really to breathe and it sounds so simple but I think the breath conscious breath can save your life yeah I would agree it's it's foundational three breaths can before you respond when you get triggered before you do anything you just take a deep breath relax your body physically and then of course there's way more to do to say but meditation breath and looking deeper what's the underlying issue of being depressed anxious or in panic to begin with and usually that's something that's what triggered from the past so that's just to mention a few so do the inner work meditate and breathe and that and that's beautiful I think it's yeah again this is why I love this is why I decided to do this and have conversations with people like yourself is because it's like we are I mean it's you know we both are spiritual teachers and healers or life coaches whatever the hell word you want to call it but we we're very different in what we do but like as I I just sit back and I listen to you and one of what I try to do is find I'm always looking for similarities and I always see them because they're always there so as your because I know that I don't when I'm in that situation I don't do that exact same thing so I'm like okay does this remind me of anything and I'm like yeah I mean it's you know it's it's this we do the same thing we just do it in different ways you know technically though underneath what it's doing you know the first thing that you have to do is get stop drowning you know so so it's like if you're focused on the problem and what's happening you're of no use to yourself or anybody else so it's disconnecting from that first and you can do that through breathing meditation I mean sometimes sometimes I'll do it like the first thing I do is when if I notice that that type of energy is overtaking me I just hit the brakes and go okay stop and I recognize that my mind is going is not in a good neighborhood like nothing good happens while I'm in this state of mind it just doesn't so I have a rule like as soon as I recognize that I'm in crappy headspace and it could be a bad mood it could be you know something deeper like you know levels of anxiety or depression or whatever if something like that happens I just hit the brakes and go okay wait a minute Glenn you are in bad headspace and I recognize that and I go you're not allowed to think of anything or come to any conclusions because nothing you're in negative headspace so nothing but negativity is going to match that so I cannot think my way out of a panic attack or think my way out of depression because you know the thoughts are caught up in anxiety or anxiety or depression so the only thing that's going to match that is energy is anxiety and depression thoughts and anything that isn't like that like if I'm all oh my god I'm anxious you know that's usually the future depression is off in the past so like if I'm caught up in anxiety going oh my god and I go Glenn it's going to be okay I'm like shut up you know it doesn't match my vibration so I kick it right out you know so that's I just hit the brakes and go wait a minute you cannot think right now you can't come to any conclusions about anything right now and that's how I unhook you know and then I stop and breathe and and center myself and ground myself you know and then you know I mean sometimes if I get donkey kicked like I might not be able to do anything that whole day yeah wait until the next day to to try to because I'm like I tried to get out certain tools maybe meditations some breath work maybe I'll go help somebody else sometimes that's like the only thing I can do with in the middle of any major issue like like I'm talking severe panic attacks severe depression the only thing I can still do is my job I can still work with people regardless of what's going on with me personally because as soon as I do I lock onto that person and everything about me disconnects from me and it connects to that person and sometimes like I look like if I'm going through a difficult time in my life I really look forward to my clients even more because I'm like they're my vacation from what's going on inside of me you know I'm like because I I stop thinking about me and I'm focused on them you know and it really feels good and sometimes that's enough after the session yeah I'll be like you know 15 minutes later I'm like oh that really unhooked me I'm good like now I'm in good head space now I can look into things and do more of the deeper work that you had mentioned yeah yeah absolutely and I think you mentioned that helping someone else is super helpful when you're not and sometimes that doesn't work either like what you said sometimes you just don't do like you know and then you allow yourself to have a day where you don't get out of bed or whatever you know like um I think from an energetic perspective it's always important to get things moving again because uh especially with especially with depression and anxiety from an energetic perspective it's like energy is not moving we feel frozen inside we are blocked and that and it can become a vicious cycle so then because even you know movement is good but you don't feel like moving you don't feel like dancing you don't feel like exercising you don't even want to get out of bed sometimes right so but even if you only have a little consciousness left otherwise just indulge in it and help and that's okay too it's okay to sometimes you know we've done this work for a long time we get out of it much quicker um but I had days this year and you know it I went to severe challenging times this year and I had days where I did not leave the house and I and that's just what it is you know I was in in real deep challenging transformation and that's okay too I think self-acceptance and compassion is key yes some sort of movement because from my from my perspective one thing that I can see when it comes to that's called a depression it could be what is depression it could be sadness loneliness there's so many I like to be more specific so that you can do something about it but there's always an underlying issue that you are not living a truth you're not in flow you're not in alignment you are not in truth now that gives you enough to look what's the underlying issue in my experience I'm not saying this for everyone but for me but for me and everyone I work with a depressed person is an angry person but not able to resolve that what is that anger unresolved emotions a feeling of I can't do anything about it and it goes so deep sometimes so once we get that energy moving again it can shift so quickly like you said you know like you can you go help someone and suddenly you feel like oh my god I'm good again no yeah yeah and so it and it's like I saw I think I want to say it might have been Abraham Hicks I'm not sure but many years ago I saw the scale of emotions and depression was way down at the bottom and anger was starting to get like half halfway through it shifts to more positive emotions yeah and anger was getting closer to the to the happier emotions which surprises some people but anger induces movement a lot of times which is what it induces change if you get angry enough a lot of times you change and so that's why it's a little higher depression is way down at the bottom because of the non-movement aspect of it that's the most dangerous thing there is because if you think energetically of the universe as a whole everything is in constant motion always it's the nature of the universe it's the nature of the world it's the nature of the earth the the people the nature everything so everything is in constant movement and if we are not if we are not in the flow like you said if if we're if there is no movement movement non-movement equals depression you know and that's way down at the bottom and it's yeah there is no real way out of it except to get moving this is what like I used to say it's you can't think yourself into better acting you have to act yourself into better thinking because a lot of times that's what keeps people stuck is this sitting on the couch going I'm depressed I should do something but I don't think I'm ready and it doesn't sound right no I don't think that'll work I don't think that'll work I don't I don't really I don't feel like doing that it doesn't seem like it'll make sense like it's all this thinking and you're never going if you're really depressed you're not going to be sitting there on the couch and go you know what I feel like going for a jog and helping 13 people today I feel like it's not gonna happen so it's like to induce that movement it can be anything you know you you can take a drive through a drive through just to get off the couch out of the house into the car and down the street even without inter interacting with anybody or you know just you know just do anything that that induces that movement and then all of a sudden you know this is you can you can go down energy roads with this you can go down spiritual talk with this you can go down psychology with this you can go and and it's all the same no matter what road you go down like you have to start start moving to get that flow going and to just you know to get you moving out of it yeah uh totally I wanna just add to something but you said I have something in my eye right now so I'm just kind of trying to um anger I wanna add something to anger especially women often have an issue with that because we are conditioned to be nice and to please right so a lot of us grow up not being able or having to express anger and being okay and safe to feel like you're safe to express anger so all the issues that we have as an adult is everything that happened when we are very little when we are conditioned now anger is not a negative energy I want to be very clear anger is an energy negative emotion it's energy and of course I'm not talking about the anger that's uncontrolled unhealthy and you go and hit people I'm not talking about that but from and I'm not saying do that right but from an individual perspective you said that in some way anger wants to move through friction depression does have no like there's a one way street to nowhere right anger comes up also in children when you grow up very little very young age we get angry when we want something we can get it we want to pass through something and we need anger we need anger also we need anger to to be able to protect ourselves from a instinctual level again I'm not talking about going out and punching people I'm not talking about that I'm talking about the energy of that you have it available also to protect yourself and setting boundaries and not just being a a pleaser say yes to everything get sick get depressed if if someone is in chronic depression you gotta look into your unresolved anger issues period because there is one and it's very unhealthy and I'm one of them I was never angry when I was younger like I was sweet girl pleasing I had no boundaries I was even proud listen to like you know this 100 million years ago it feels like like a few lifetimes but I remember when I started to go on the journey you know I hated myself like I hated myself so much at some point and you either I killed myself or I learned how to love myself that's where I come from now I realized I was always nice and I was always pleasing and I was never getting angry and I was even so proud that I was that you couldn't get me angry you know so it felt like it's a good pattern so society also rewards that you know so when you have a functional happy nice personality it's even more difficult to get rid of it if you have a fucked up personality and nobody likes you it's easier to get rid of it right but if society teaches you to be nice now it got to the point that I didn't say no and I thought I had no anger and then I explored and kept working and kept working and oh my god I mean I opened the box of Pandora and wasn't pretty it was also very painful but I learned I learned to have that energy I'm not going out punching people but I'm also very clear you don't mess around with me I'm very clear with boundaries now I love teaching about boundaries but just because I was so unable we get we get like anybody who is not able to have that energy available not that it runs your life but you have it available you will get abused you will be resentful you will be constantly pleasing you will get sick because if you are not able to set a boundary your body will in some way or it comes out in really that's a totally different subject let's just bring it back sorry glad I was oh my god I'm so so passionate about it but yeah and it's it's it's it's interesting because like the you know I was basically the opposite I was very angry as a child and very I mean I had difficulty playing sports because I was I mean I I did I played sports all growing up but but my biggest issue which everybody in town knew was that if you screwed with me you could trigger me and if you triggered me I would go after you and if I went after you I'd probably get thrown out of the game so this kind of in a small town it happened a fair amount of times you know so I mean so anger was my go-to you know we all have a go-to it's a defense mechanism and you know when I was young I tried freezing and I got beat up anyway I tried running away fleeing and I got beat up anyway because they're faster and older and they caught me so the last one I had was fighting back and it was anger expressed you know so I mean I expressed tons of anger I became a portal for rage throughout my life and you know and it was it it's very difficult because I mean everybody has a defense mechanism a go-to you know and it's either freeze or flee or fight yeah and a lot of times you know fighting and fighting is the the one that gets labeled as anger you know and and it gets a bad name a lot of times because and with good reason I mean you know if you're a fuckwad of course it's not internal and it causes more damage more damage when you act on it so of course it gets more of a bad rap because it basically deserves a bad rap but as as somebody that comes from that as somebody that that was my defense mechanism my go-to you know it's I think it's important for people to understand out there that like you like as somebody and this is not an excuse for poor behavior you shouldn't allow yourself to act out of anger but if if somebody expecting somebody to never like if their go-to is fighting which I think as we get to adults it's not usually actually punching people it's more verbal like expecting somebody never to verbally lash out when that's their go-to is like looking at somebody that either just sits there quietly or walks away and and looking at them saying don't ever sit there quietly again don't ever walk away from a situation that you're uncomfortable in again that's it's the same as looking at somebody that had that verbally lashes out or lashes out in anger saying don't ever do that again it's it's harder than it seems if that's your go-to oh yeah absolutely and I think also yeah what you said the anger towards yourself is expressed in different ways and I think the same this you you got it you had to do your work lashing it out is exactly the extreme like the extreme is like too much or too little yeah both is not good right I'm not saying this is better than this by the way it's like you know of course if you go out and kill people that's not I'm not there's no justification for that which you give a collective thumbs down to going out and killing people I've only heard people hurt people so you got to do the inner work and it's also interesting because women and men are conditioned differently not everybody and I don't put people in the box however they are archetypes and it is just true how evolution and how education and I'm not saying one is more screwed up than the other we are challenged in different ways but it's more often or less often the case that women are you know out there they are just generally more going inward makes also sense from an evolution and energetical perspective because energetically also from the chakra system and instincts like men were designed to hunt to provide for the family now men have us energetically a smaller heart chakra and a smaller belly and a bigger solar plexus why because otherwise they wouldn't be able to go out and kill an animal to make to survive you know to to guarantee the survival of the family so there is purpose there's purpose from an evolutionary perspective and now the consciousness comes in because even though we are not like Neanderthals anymore the program still runs now so the consciousness to bring hey okay that amount of anger out there is not good let me do the work but I still want to have it available and not cut it completely down and I think you know and then you know every and everybody's individual but you're so right I thank you for sharing because sometimes you know it's just like yeah everybody's different so we all get to do it yeah we all we all have our work and and it it it's it's the I think I agree with you that boundaries is one of the most important things to be taught and like somebody that came from like my I I feel that I feel that we're saying the same things well I know we are up until now and I and I think that we're saying the same things with this too it's just we have different ways of teaching it so like when I teach boundaries the words that I say are a little bit different but they still get you the same place I also agree that I think that anger has its place like I'm not trying to achieve a life where I don't experience emotions even the ones that people label as negative so there's nothing wrong with experiencing sadness and anger and frustration like that is going to be part of life and I'm not trying to live a life that that excludes that but when I like when I focus on setting a boundary maybe it's maybe my perspective needed to be what it is because of my anger past so like when I set a boundary I have to set my boundaries out of self-love not anger if I go into anger if I set a boundary with anger energy it doesn't go well so I I make sure that like I differentiate like myself I've needed to do this so this is what I do with my clients because I learned it with myself right so I have to I have to clear out and go okay do I have anger in this situation yes well how do I work through that into a place where I'm not a victim of this situation and I can just land in a vibration of pure self-love and then once I can get myself in a space of self-love then I set the boundary out of self-love and go no you you can't do that and why well because I love myself and I just don't allow that thank you have a great day I think I'm gonna go get a tuna melt and then I just move on with my life you know it's like so but for me I have like I can't if I go to set a boundary out of anger it's going to be like hey don't you shouldn't do it's always about the other person when I'm when I'm setting it out of anger or frustration you shouldn't do that to me I'm not going to allow you to do that to me like it's about them as soon as I set it out of self-love and it's like no I just don't enjoy experiencing that in my life thank you and then don't wait for their agreement you know a boundary does not wait for the other person's agreement you know so it's like then you just move on with your life but yeah it's you know so that's that's how I teach it because like I said with that past so much anger I had to be really clear that I wasn't setting any you know acting out of it absolutely I don't think uh boundaries are set with anger but you need again like let's replace anger through energy and it's like a standing up for yourself and I want to add something that you remind me that's so important it's about taking responsibility like here's a huge little difference like when we project it on the outside it's like are you I'm angry with you you know it's like you can you can own it there's a huge difference between like you know blame never blame like oh you make me angry no nobody makes me angry for anger and even the only difference to say I am angry I am am I allowed to swear on your show we already have a few times so that's a yes it's like anger is not nice and it's like I'm fucking angry right so but if I say I am angry it's like I am angry I'm not blaming it on anyone I'm not putting it on you it's like you know what I'm so angry right now I gotta take a moment you know like this right see yeah that's I agree with you because that's exactly what I have to do as well it's like I don't buy it pass my anger I don't like 10 that it's not there I own it and I sit in it but like most situations like like real quick ones like getting cut off in traffic or something is only like 20 or 30 seconds worth of energy so like let's say a personal thing is bigger so let's say you have a whole like 90 seconds of energy or or three or five minutes of energy if you just sit in it minutes of energy if you just sit there and go yeah there's anger I'm experiencing the energy of anger right now and that's okay and you allow yourself to feel it and I mean I'll pace around my living room swearing every other word you know the drunken sailor from Boston comes flying right out and it's an f-bomb every other word and it's like you know and then but then once I release that energy you know then like I did it I did this in a very memorable situation to me like like four years ago or something and I was marching around my house swearing and swearing and at some point I was like okay Glenn like do you do you want to continue feeling this anger and I was like yes I do and I walked around swearing for another few minutes and then I was like okay Glenn do you do you want to continue feeling this anger I was like well no I guess not you know so it's like okay then I once I got all of it out of me then I was able to sit down and go okay so what is triggering this anger well what's triggering it is my perspective is saying that this person did something to me and I'm a victim of this person it's usually a victim's you know a version of victimization to some degree so I was like okay how can I look at this that it's still true I'm not blowing sunshine up my ass it actually has to be true but a different perspective where I'm not a victim of this person anymore it's like well this person probably didn't like their job it sounded like they didn't and they probably were just trying to get me off the phone yeah that makes sense that's it probably really had nothing to do with me it was just it had to do with what was going on inside of them and I was like yeah this person doesn't even know me of course it didn't have anything to do with me so oh okay so then once I changed my outlook because to where I wasn't a victim of this person anymore where it was an impersonal thing that took place then I could you know then all of a sudden I wouldn't trigger more anger whenever I thought about this situation or whenever somebody with the same person's name came by me you know because I had changed the way I looked at it to where I wasn't a victim so it's no so it wasn't going to be a trigger it was it was about right at the end of child support so if I didn't do that for the rest of my life every time somebody said child support I would have been like what child support freaking hate child support you know like but since I shifted it to where I wasn't a victim of it then you know I don't have that trigger moving on with my life and I expended the the energy of anger that was triggered initially yeah yeah I knew you I knew you hey again we could talk for hours but hey it took a lot enough time for the people I don't even know but um maybe we can do this again sometime but yeah I think what you just said just to wrap this up about it's about taking responsibility what you said it's like hey I'm the I'm triggered this is my anger what's going on underneath it's not about me it's not even about this person it's just triggering something from the past or something in me and to let it out for a while I always say did I scream in a cushion if you kind of like oh let it out first don't stay stuck with it because then you want to bring consciousness in and then go look under what's the underlying vulnerability because where's anger there's hurt there's no anger without hurt underneath but it's easier to be angry than to feel the pain so you gotta first and then you do a whole space and feel what's actually really underneath so again it goes back to doing the work and being in acceptance with what is emotions are okay everything is okay we are all human beings we go all we experience all the same stuff all of us and I think I think if you I think if you watch my shows in the future and the past I have a tendency to wrap things up like you just did and I'm not going to do that because I really enjoyed the way you wrap that up so I'm like I'm like yes yes Sonia yes so I'm gonna leave that wrap up for the total wrap up and you know it's the only other thing I'm gonna say is it's you know really what we started with you know get help it's not I mean the way I look at it is a lot of times especially when somebody first starts working with me if anything ever gets in the way of our sessions it's because life gets busy or out of control or something you know so and and I always tell people like no don't do that you know you're not gonna do that you're not gonna do that you're not gonna do that you're not gonna do that you're not gonna do that you're gonna do that you know and I always tell people like no don't stop your self-care when things are getting more difficult it's even more important than why it's it's like we have to flip-flop our priorities our self-care has to be number one and we have to act as if it's number one you know and so like to me it's like I'm like you're coaching I'm like you that's the last thing you should stop literally like I would not pay my rent because happiness is more important than the roof you know maybe okay maybe pay rent but anything else like I you know I'd eat Chef Boyardee if I had to to keep my life coach going because it's what is more important than walking through your love and happiness in your heart on a consistent basis I mean you know so amen to that amen amen thank you thank you Sonia and I did see I did see I didn't we were rolling so I didn't stop but I I did Laura Laura was nice enough to uh to say we're gonna start with laughter tonight because I completely forgot to hit the the live button and and uh oh Glenn has a gift to hear the truth behind words too so you do and and uh because Laura knows you so she knows that you do and she was saying I do too so thank you Chris great show thanks Cindy namaste namaste right back at you Cindy namaste right back at you may I ask your audience something sure so and we might not have time to reset but I always love to hear like what's your biggest takeaway from today yeah what's one like share with us like one nugget what's one takeaway from today's show out of all the goodies that we share all the goodies yes so we will and can I I want to share something with you um that I heard is an analogy about self-care you ended it up with it so we all have this here right yes how often do you let this phone go empty without charging it I'm asking the audience not even only you oh I was like oh damn it do I gotta answer this how often do we not charge it we don't it's always charged god forbid our phone isn't working yes so imagine like you charge your phone more than this body we had gets to be charged by self-love self-care quality time invest in yourself you know you can't pay for ice coaching I was just such a good analogies like plug in your own to recharge yourself okay yes and and I I do the a very similar analogy with with fuel and and and car maintenance it's like what do you do to your car do you get a tune-up every once in a while what's that like hundreds of dollars um you put in gas every week fuel you know you you have the oil change all this stuff you do to maintain your car so it will work for you and we don't do that for our bodies you know like our the the internal which is the most important I think um so let's see what some of the comments are there's more than one way to get the same job done amen yeah it is like and wait and I think you know um I think that that's part of our job is finding the right way for our client you know we don't we don't like be like oh you have to do it my way no you find the right way for your client and it's different for everyone step out of depression and feels right take away yes I'm showing oh Ruth yeah yeah not charging but Ruth is on the right path and Ruth is on the right path I've known Ruth for many years and uh she's a very she she made a breakthrough that I'm not going to get into but years ago like when I around the time I was leaving Rhode Island and I still remember that breakthrough that she had it was it was a really wonderful thing so I'm sure she's she's still on the right path uh move into anger yes awesome thank you so much for having me thank you for watching thank you for everything yes my pleasure thank you for joining me and chatting with me thank you everybody for uh watching and you know I'm sure a lot of people are going to be listening to this over time so thank you guys too and um we're out so thank you everyone I'm gonna click my little my little uh ending video and we'll talk with you soon looking for more check out 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