Character Development: Curiosity And Affirmations

In a world that often focuses so much on what we lack,

It's easy to overlook the incredible internal strengths that each of us possess.

Grounded in ancient philosophy and modern science,

This series invites you to reconnect with the innate strengths that make you who you are,

Promoting balance and harmony in everyday life.

Whether you're looking to boost your confidence,

Overcome negative self-talk,

Deepen your relationships,

Or simply invite a greater sense of well-being,

My hope is that this series offers a practical and uplifting path to personal growth.

All right.

Hello,

Gorgeous people,

And welcome to our Character Strengths Affirmation Series.

Each session,

We explore one of the 24 character strengths identified by positive psychology,

Strengths that live under the six core virtues of courage,

Humanity,

Wisdom,

Justice,

Temperance,

And transcendence.

These strengths and virtues are universal,

And they form the foundation of our highest selves.

If you haven't already,

I recommend checking out the intro episode,

Which will provide you with some background and information on what to expect from the series.

Aside from that,

Today we are going to be continuing our journey into the virtue of wisdom,

And our focus is going to be on the strength of curiosity.

All right.

Curiosity might seem simple,

Like asking questions or wanting to know more about something,

Which is true,

But it's also much deeper than that.

The VIA,

Or Values in Action Institute,

Defines curiosity as interest in experience,

The active desire to explore,

Learn,

And understand.

Curiosity isn't about gathering facts,

It's about how we relate to life.

It's a way of living with openness and wonder,

Engaging in the world as a living question,

Rather than something we've already figured out.

One concept that I have found really helpful in terms of understanding the positionality of curiosity is that of beginner's mind,

Which is a term from Zen practice,

And it means meeting this moment as if it is for the first time,

Even when it's familiar.

It's the posture of,

I don't already know,

Which is the heartbeat of curiosity.

When we stop assuming,

We start discovering.

Think of beginner's mind as a gentle switch from certainty to interest.

It doesn't erase your experience or your expertise,

It just loosens your grip on conclusions so that you can notice what's fresh and unexpected.

Beginner's mind is something talked about a lot in different mindfulness circles,

And the idea is that mindfulness isn't just about being aware,

It's about being genuinely curious about what's arising in any given moment.

Curiosity brings a sense of warmth and openness into mindfulness,

And without it,

It can feel really flat or mechanical.

With curiosity,

It becomes a sort of exploration,

A gentle and compassionate inquiry into what it means to be alive.

It's not about getting it right.

It's about discovering what's true in the here and now.

Of course,

Beginner's mind is not always easy.

Sometimes curiosity bumps into fear or resistance or the urge to control,

And I personally have learned over the years that I don't need to know everything.

I don't have to be right.

I just have to be willing to wonder.

One of my favorite pieces of research that's connected to this idea of how negative emotions can impact our capacity for curiosity is Barbara Fredrickson's Broaden and Build Theory.

This is a really cool theory,

So humor me for a second.

Essentially,

What Fredrickson discovered is that when we experience positive emotions like joy or gratitude or serenity,

Our minds actually broaden.

Our awareness expands.

We literally become able to see more possibilities,

Solutions,

And connections than when we're stuck in fear or stress.

This widened perspective helps us build lasting resources over time,

Like resilience or social bonds,

Better problem-solving skills.

I want to be clear that curiosity doesn't just appear out of nowhere.

It flourishes when we feel safe and supported and emotionally nourished.

If we're exhausted or overwhelmed or entirely burned out,

It is really hard to be genuinely curious.

And that is not a personal failing.

That is evolutionary psychology.

I mean,

Think about it.

If our energy is depleted,

We have to use our available resources for things that are more immediately relevant to staying alive,

Especially if we're in a constant state of fight or flight and we think that we are in danger.

You know,

The body goes into this sort of survival mode and we are scanning for potential threats.

We are mobilizing our physical defenses in the form of just being super tense.

And we are sticking to what we know and to what feels safe.

One of the kindest things and most informed things that we can do for our curiosity is take care of our emotional and physical well-being,

Sleep,

Nourishment in the form of food,

But also,

You know,

The sun,

Movement,

Connection to people,

To pets,

To the earth.

These are the conditions that allow curiosity to bloom on its own.

Protect your interest,

Literally.

Now,

I want to say something about me is that I used to equate knowledge with worth and a sense of safety.

I don't know.

I mean,

I wanted to be somebody who had all the answers.

And I think I really believed that if I could understand and make sense of things,

I would have a sense of security.

But over time,

I've come to realize that safety doesn't come from knowing.

It comes from trusting,

Trusting that I'm allowed to grow,

Trusting that there is more to me than what I know in any given moment,

Trusting that life unfolds whether or not I understand it and that surrender isn't a failure.

It's grace.

Honoring my curiosity has taught me to let go of my need for certainty and instead lean into things like awe.

It's allowed for me to walk through the world with fresh eyes and to be changed by what I don't know already.

I was talking to a really good friend of mine the other day,

And we just sort of had this really sweet realization,

Shout out Jenny,

That it's actually really great to not know things because then you get to find out.

And what a fun place to be.

So as always,

Something that's really important for us to keep in mind is that virtue exists between two vices,

And we're really trying to pursue balance.

You can have an excess and you can have a deficiency of a strength.

When it comes to curiosity,

Too little and we may become disengaged or indifferent or closed off.

We stop asking questions.

We stop listening.

We stop expanding.

Sometimes this comes from burnout.

So again,

This brings us back to that broad and inbuilt theory where we really have to take care of ourselves in order to have the capacity for curiosity.

Sometimes a lack of curiosity comes from a fear of what the answer might be.

Maybe we don't want to know.

I'm not curious about that because that's none of my business.

I don't want to know about that.

And you know what?

Sometimes that's appropriate.

Sometimes I can be very curious and I just have to tell myself,

You know what?

That's none of my business.

And that is a healthy form of not expressing curiosity so long as it's coming from a place of boundaries,

Of knowing what's my place and what's not,

And not from a place of avoidance.

One area that we often see a decrease in the exercise of curiosity is in our relationships.

We stop wondering about who our partner is becoming.

We assume we already know their stories,

We already know their preferences,

That we already know their inner life.

We forget that each of us is constantly changing.

Without curiosity,

Conversations become transactional.

Intimacy can dull.

We lose the spark that becomes our way of seeing one another through fresh eyes.

Think of the difference between asking your partner or someone close to you,

How was your day?

Out of habit instead of maybe asking with the genuine intention of discovering something new.

Sometimes it's not even what you say,

It's just how you say it.

Or maybe it's the difference between assuming you already know why they're quiet and pausing to wonder like what's coming up for them in this moment.

Relationships wither when curiosity is replaced with certainty and assumption.

I'm going to say that again.

Relationships wither when curiosity is replaced with certainty and assumption.

They thrive when we keep choosing to be interested,

Not just in the surface,

But in the unfolding mystery of each other's lives.

Beginner's mind in relationship means meeting those in our life as if we haven't fully figured them out yet,

Because we haven't.

None of us are finished.

Curiosity in love is what keeps us leaning in.

It's what lets us say,

Tell me again who you are today.

I want to know.

And in that same regard,

Doing the same thing with ourselves.

How have I changed?

What might today bring for me?

What might I learn about myself today?

On the flip side,

An excess of curiosity,

Especially when untethered from care,

Can become invasive or obsessive or performative.

We might ask questions not out of a place of genuine interest,

But to control or to impress or to avoid silence and vulnerability.

One of my absolute favorite movies of all time is the movie Clue,

Like the original.

I mean,

I don't know if they've remade the movie.

I can't imagine that they have,

But they should.

That is a great idea,

Actually.

Anybody who's in the film industry,

That would be a great movie to remake.

Anyway,

I don't know if you've seen it,

But there's a scene in that movie where there's a character who just keeps blurting out questions.

They're sitting at a dinner table,

And it's a super awkward moment.

And she just is constantly asking questions.

And it's not to deepen connection,

But to fill the quiet that she found unbearable.

That's what curiosity looks like when it's driven by anxiety instead of openness.

The questions don't create space.

They crowd it.

They become a shield instead of a bridge.

Something that I have found to be really helpful is if,

Like,

Let's say I'm meeting somebody for the first time,

And we're grabbing coffee,

And I'm asking them questions,

It helps for me to pause and ask myself,

Am I being curious about this person,

Or am I being curious with them?

One.

That one has been very helpful for me.

And two,

Am I really trying to connect,

Or am I just trying to fill the space?

I think that one of the strengths that underlies our capacity for curiosity is our ability to sit in silence.

That way,

The curiosity is actually genuine.

We can let curiosity draw us into a deeper sense of presence,

Not just with the world,

But with ourselves.

I am a pretty curious person.

I have lots of questions.

There are lots of things that I would like to know more about.

And I will ask them.

Something that has helped me in terms of balance when it comes to curiosity is knowing that not all questions have to be answered right now.

Not all mysteries need to be or even can be solved in this moment.

When curiosity is rooted in ego,

It becomes,

As we talked about earlier,

A sense of grasping.

But when it's rooted in humility,

It becomes a sort of prayer.

It says,

I'm listening.

It says,

I trust there's something here worth learning,

Even if I can't name it yet.

It's not about seeking to understand everything.

It's about approaching the unknown with a willingness to experience it without judgment or fear.

In this way,

Curiosity becomes an act of faith,

Allowing the wisdom of life to reveal itself in its own time.

There's curiosity as it pertains to,

You know,

Knowledge.

And this can be really fun.

Often,

You know,

We might find ourselves going down rabbit holes on the Internet.

For me,

I really get curious,

Especially when I'm with other people,

Often about other people or about the research that they do and the work that they do or the experiences that they've had and the insight that they might be able to offer.

Something that I have found really helpful when it comes to maintaining healthy balance and curiosity in that regard is by utilizing my social intelligence.

You know,

Read the room.

Hannah,

Read the room.

Don't ask 10 questions in one lecture.

Come on.

You know,

Know when somebody is available to answer questions and when they're not.

And if you don't know,

Ask.

It's like I've had to learn to be just as curious about the moment as I am about my own desire for understanding.

So that's curiosity as it pertains to things that we can even begin to understand.

Now,

There are also other forms of curiosity,

And that's about,

You know,

The more existential side of things,

The what the heck is going on here.

What is all this?

Why?

Why is all of this?

Why suffering?

Why loss?

Why grief?

Why love?

Why joy?

You know,

Just these questions that are sort of that we have to reckon with,

But we can't help wondering about.

And for me,

I have found,

And I'll be honest,

I've really wrestled with that curiosity.

That has been one of the more existential challenges for me,

Is being curious about some things and not necessarily always being able to have the answer.

In some of the spiritual traditions that I've studied and worked with,

Curiosity is seen as a really sacred force.

It's one that must be balanced with a quality of reverence.

Earlier,

We discussed that when curiosity is rooted in ego,

It becomes a sort of grasping.

But when it's rooted in humility,

It becomes a prayer.

It says,

I'm listening.

It says,

I trust there's something here worth learning,

Even if I can't name it yet.

It's not about seeking to understand everything in the moment.

It's about approaching the unknown with a willingness to experience it without judgment or fear.

Or maybe despite fear.

In this way,

Curiosity becomes an act of faith,

Allowing the wisdom of life to reveal itself in its own time.

If you hear that and there's an air of frustration that is triggered in you,

I understand that.

I understand that on a deep level.

I'm from a drumming tradition.

I used to live in a downtown on the rooftop and I would drum and just be like,

Why?

Make it make sense.

Just singing to the birds and to whatever's out there.

Just trying to be able to make sense of why things are the way that they are.

The answer,

If you could call it that,

The resonance,

If you believe in that,

That I got was,

I'm so sorry you don't get to understand.

Like tiny,

Sweet,

Sweet,

Tiny human with your limited senses.

There are some things that you don't have access to understanding.

But what a beautiful intention to want to anyway,

You know,

Keep that.

And what I find is that on the other side of really wanting to make sense of it and realizing that I'm not able to.

And on the other side of feeling that frustration and maybe the grief that comes with that.

Especially with the more challenging questions that we have about the universe and it's unfolding.

I find that I'm still held,

You know,

On the other side of that grief.

I'm still in the arms of this earth that holds us.

So,

You know,

I mean,

If that I hope that that's an offering to any of you who have struggled with that in the way that I have historically.

This sort of unsatisfied curiosity that's coming from a place of desperation.

Now,

We haven't gotten to these strengths yet.

But some of the strengths that I also find really helpful to keep my curiosity in check are,

In addition to humility,

Which we touched on a little bit earlier,

Regarding what we get to know and what we maybe don't always get to know or understand.

Is that of appreciation of beauty and excellence.

You know,

How can I see something and just appreciate it and maybe be curious about it,

But honor the ways in which my curiosity could be invasive or destructive and instead just allow myself to adore it and see it and savor it.

And also in that same nature,

That of gratitude.

You know,

How can I be grateful for this thing,

Again,

Without necessarily needing to completely understand it or make sense of it.

Before we begin,

We'll have ourselves a brief blessing.

May our curiosity burn bright as a sacred flame.

Igniting wonder and a hunger to learn.

May we greet each moment with open eyes and willing hearts.

Trusting there is always more to discover.

And may we also know the space of letting go.

Surrendering the need to have all the answers in this moment.

May our curiosity be both bold and humble.

Lighting new paths while resting in the mystery of life's unfolding.

I will read each statement twice,

Pausing in between to give you a chance to repeat them out loud to yourself.

And I do recommend saying them out loud.

The statements that are easy to embrace,

Savor them,

Appreciate them,

Stand like a mountain in their truth.

The statements that feel not so good,

That feel uncomfortable or foreign or like straight up lies,

Go ahead and say them anyway.

This is where we are doing the work,

Rewiring those neural networks.

This is also where we gain insight into unhealed wounds,

Limiting beliefs,

And ingrained biases or judgments toward ourselves or toward a particular way of being.

It's great material for journaling or discussing with a counselor or trusted friend,

Maybe even someone doing this series with you.

Whether you're just waking up,

Walking your dog,

On your commute,

Or getting ready for bed,

I hope these affirmations serve your deepest,

Greatest,

Highest self.

Let's begin.

I am a curious person.

I am a curious person.

I explore with an open mind and a soft heart.

I explore with an open mind and a soft heart.

I find joy in discovering something new each day.

I find joy in discovering something new each day.

I ask questions that deepen my understanding.

I ask questions that deepen my understanding.

I am more interested in learning than being right.

I am more interested in learning than being right.

I am more interested in learning than being right.

I see wonder in the ordinary.

I see wonder in the ordinary.

My curiosity helps me connect with others.

My curiosity helps me connect with others.

I welcome new perspectives.

I welcome new perspectives.

I am open to mystery and uncertainty.

I am open to mystery and uncertainty.

I need not have all the answers to be whole.

I need not have all the answers to be whole.

I allow awe to guide my attention.

I allow awe to guide my attention.

My curiosity is grounded in respect and care.

My curiosity is grounded in respect and care.

My curiosity is grounded in respect and care.

I take care of myself so that I may stay open to life.

I take care of myself so that I may stay open to life.

I take care of myself so that I may stay open to life.

I follow my fascinations with trust.

I follow my fascinations with trust.

I allow rest to replenish my sense of curiosity.

I allow rest to replenish my sense of curiosity.

I walk through the world with childlike wonder.

I walk through the world with childlike wonder.

As always,

Thank you so much for being here and for your willingness to stay open,

To keep learning,

And to explore not only the world but your own inner life.

May we move forward today with reverence and with awe and with deep trust in the questions that are still unfolding.

May we be well so that we can do good.

Go forth with peace and many,

Many,

Many blessings and I will see you next time.

Thank you.