Beyond Labels, Titles & Roles Exists The True You

Hello and welcome to another episode of Incorporate Mindfulness.

I'm your host,

Michelle.

I'm an occupational therapist,

Yoga instructor,

And mindfulness teacher.

I believe that together we can create positive change,

One mindful moment at a time.

So settle in for today's mindful moment.

Beyond labels,

Titles,

And roles exists the true you with Bridgette Brier.

Have you ever felt like an imposter in your own life?

Like maybe you were living the life that you felt like somebody else wanted for you or the life that you felt like you should be living.

Bridgette Brier says she spent a long time being an imposter in her own life,

Including clinging to a career in TV news for nearly 15 years because she thought she had to.

In fact,

Bridgette believes many people hide behind what they think they're supposed to do and who they think they're supposed to be and that's a big part of why she created the Socially Responsible Podcast.

Socially is spelled like soul,

S-O-U-L-C-I-A-L-L-Y.

And it's been one of my favorite podcasts that I've been listening to lately because Bridgette so authentically shares her journey of using mindfulness in her daily life.

I find Bridgette to be really funny and engaging and also really relatable.

I have personally gained so much from listening to her podcast and she's really inspired me to pursue more of an authentic path in becoming more authentically me.

If you have ever wondered who you really are beyond labels,

Titles,

And roles,

This episode is for you.

Hi Bridgette.

It's so good to have you here.

Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you,

Michelle,

For inviting me.

Yeah.

I have been so excited for this conversation.

I have been a long time fan of your podcast.

I love listening to your podcast.

I love your story of how you got exposed to mindfulness maybe is what you call it or being aware of your thoughts.

So it's funny because the gap between when I became aware of this ability and when I started practicing actively tuning into this ability is pretty big span of time.

So I would say it was about 2008 when I first heard about the ability to see what was happening.

I was at therapy for the first time as an adult.

I was in a very dark place in my twenties and I just was like crying every day and I went to therapy and I told the therapist what was going on.

Basically she was like,

Picture a thought bubble of a cartoon strip and like,

You know how like the bubble starts real small.

She's like,

That's the first thought.

And then as you latch onto that thought and let it spiral,

It like gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger.

And next thing you know,

The bubbles way out here and you like can't get it back.

So she was like,

You know,

You can picture like strings on a balloon and cutting the strings and letting the balloon fly away.

Like if you want to detach from those thoughts and I'm like,

Wow,

Yeah.

And then I think she used the term thought explosion.

I'm like,

Wow,

That's so powerful,

But I did not apply any of this really to my life until I was in my mid thirties after I had kids and I had lost a job and I was,

You know,

Down in the bottom again.

And I was like,

Wait a minute,

Hold on.

Okay.

I think,

I think I have the ability to take some control here.

And then I just started diving into books and podcasts and resources to really learn and apply this knowledge and this ability to observe thoughts and therefore kind of change the course of my self.

You know,

As I defined self or however you might define yourself and the thoughts that you think and carry with you.

And so,

Yeah,

It's been about six years that I'm really like living out loud from the inside out this ability to be mindful.

Nice.

Yeah.

And so,

And in your podcast,

You talk a lot about you had an interesting journey kind of,

Of how this breaking away and kind of finding yourself or finding your mindfulness practice kind of happened with you losing your job and kind of really redefining who you were.

So,

Tell us a little bit more about that.

I love how you share this piece of the life that you were living,

These labels that you felt like you were living up to and how all of that changed.

So,

I am a child of two journalists and I went into that career path as well.

It felt like just the obvious easy option.

And I'm a big fan of easy.

I'm like,

Oh,

Is it easy?

I'll do that.

So like,

Who really doesn't like what it's easy?

So,

I was a journalist in TV news and I was like,

Just,

We talked earlier,

You and I about imposter syndrome before we started recording.

And like,

I really felt a deep sense of imposter syndrome in that career.

But like I shoved that voice,

That knowing away,

Because I was like,

No,

No,

No,

You have a job on TV.

The ego was like,

Oh,

You have a job on TV.

Like,

Why would you give that up?

And so like,

I marched on in this path that really so much felt like just not me.

I mean,

Even to the point where I'd get dressed for work and I'd be like,

I have time to put on my costume because it really just felt like,

Not you,

Not me.

And so,

What happens is when you have a lesson that's important for you to learn,

The universe serves you that lesson over and over again until the message clicks.

And so not once,

But twice I had been released from contracts in TV news and you know,

Which is not to say that other people who lose contracts in TV news are not meant to be in TV news.

The point being that the message for me was like,

This is not your path.

News is not your path.

And so I allowed for the second time that it happened,

Losing the job to really be information and an opportunity to get still,

To let go of anger and blame.

Because I think that so often when something happens that's embarrassing or shameful,

You know,

We maybe instinctually want to figure out who to blame.

Blame me,

Myself,

Blame the boss,

Blame the world for,

You know,

Just handing me a big pile of stinking poo.

But getting still and learning to be mindful allowed me to carve a different path that just feels so much better.

And so,

We can take these things that are seemingly bad,

Sad,

Terrible,

Embarrassing,

And transform them into lessons that allow us to move forward more productively.

Yeah.

Let's talk about that a little bit about like shedding those layers a little bit.

And I think there's a lot of people listening who can probably relate to this.

Like,

I love how you said just even like putting on your outfit to go to work,

It felt like you were putting on a costume.

And I had a thought pop into my head of times that I felt similar of like playing a role that I've done for so long.

But I inside feel myself changing and evolving into a different person.

But I still feel like I have to,

You know,

Keep putting on this cloak of the old Michelle.

And so,

Maybe you could speak to a little bit like what were some of the clues or inklings that your body was telling you or thoughts you were having that were kind of letting you know maybe that the shift was happening or to pay attention to your intuition.

If you could go back and listen to those,

Did you have any of those moments?

Oh,

I mean,

Like when you hindsight,

You know,

You're just like,

Oh my God,

I see it so clearly.

Just I mean,

Right down to the,

To the just like the feeling of like,

This isn't right,

You know,

Just know,

We know when something's not right.

And for so long,

I just,

Like I said,

I shushed it because people in the world were like,

But you have this job.

It's,

It's TV.

Why would you give that up?

Because I was very actively pursuing other fields because I was so unhappy.

I would,

I mean,

Every week I was going,

I was like six months pregnant and I'm going around having coffee with people in marketing and public relations and advertising.

And you know,

I'd be like,

I find them on LinkedIn and be like,

Can I take you to coffee?

And then we'd meet and they'd be like,

But you have a job on TV in Boston.

Like,

Why would you want to leave it?

And so,

You know,

I was letting their,

I was letting them should all over me,

Like,

And then I was shooting all over myself.

Like I should stay in this because people say,

And so even though I knew and had that feeling inside,

I was letting all the shoulds just get in my head.

And so I kind of went down the should path,

Which isn't real.

Should not real.

And you know,

Next thing,

You know the universe was like,

Yeah,

By the way,

You were right.

We're going to,

You know,

And,

And six weeks after I had returned from maternity leave from having my second child,

They called me into the office at work and they were like,

You are no longer part of our plan for the future.

You didn't do anything wrong,

But we're parting ways with you today.

And it felt so much like I was being dumped by a boyfriend that I had planned to break up with,

But just hadn't gotten to yet.

I was like,

No,

You're in my head.

I'm like,

You don't get to do this to me.

Like,

I don't want to be here.

How,

Oh,

And then this,

This,

This thought explosion in the spiral of like,

You know,

Being a victim and who can I blame and who am I,

You know,

Who am I if I don't have this job and thus began this journey of exploring who I am beyond labels titles roles,

Because that's just so surface.

I know I label myself woman.

I have a role as a mom.

I,

You know,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

We go out with friends and everybody wants to know what you do for a living.

That's the very first question.

Yeah.

And okay.

So I'm so glad you said that because I got lost in my own narrative here,

But you said like,

What kind of clues were there?

Biggest clue would be I would be out and I let's say I'm at a party and I'm with people I don't know.

And someone would be like,

What do you do?

And I never wanted to say,

Oh,

I'm a news anchor or a news reporter.

Like I just wanted to like hide and die.

So I would say things like I work in news.

Like I wouldn't say the full role.

They're like,

Well,

What do you do?

And I'm like,

Oh,

I don't want,

Because I was so concerned with people thinking that I was a certain way because I had this.

Something almost like they were like,

They were kind of meeting maybe the real you,

But the person that they would associate you with was kind of that,

That costume,

Like you had talked about.

And so there were these two different personalities that you wanted them to associate.

They wanted,

You wanted them to associate with you,

The real you,

Who they were meeting.

Yes.

Wow.

Yes.

Yep.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Wow.

I,

Yeah.

Thank you for really like laying that out so clearly.

Cause I think that's something that probably,

You know,

People listening,

They may not have,

Um,

Like a job,

But that's in the public eye or something like that.

But I think even just like with social media,

I wonder how many people can even relate to that feeling of,

Um,

Feeling like you have to show up one way in front of other people,

Especially online,

So much of what we do and how we portray ourselves on social media is,

I think in some ways for other people,

You know,

Um,

And deep down they may be feeling a different way,

Um,

About themselves or also wanting people to see them.

And I guess the reason I'm saying this out loud as I'm just thinking is I think that's something that I have been really trying to figure out how to navigate as well as that.

I think,

I think with social media,

Um,

So like I had this thought the other day,

I'm just curious to chat with you about it,

But,

Um,

You know,

Like how kids,

So I teach mindfulness to kids.

And so I'm always kind of,

Um,

Interested in how to like teach them better and how their minds work.

Cause I think kids are actually innately mindful and they teach me so much every time.

And,

Um,

But I was,

I was thinking of my nieces who love watching those videos on YouTube of other kids,

Opening presents,

You know,

Like that's their favorite thing.

They love watching other kids open presents and then like describe the toy and stuff like that.

And that's always been so strange to me.

Cause I'm like,

You're watching somebody like live another like a life,

Like you're just watching and living through somebody else,

But they will want,

If they could,

They would spend hours.

That's like their favorite thing instead of actually going out and doing something that's purposeful and for them.

And so I just had this weird thought pop into my head as I was doing my social media scroll the other day is I was like,

Oh my gosh,

I'm totally doing that.

I'm totally doing the same as these kids watching videos of other people,

Watching them live their lives.

Um,

Instead of going out and living and creating mine.

And sometimes then there comes in that like then what you end up putting out on social media is kind of a reflection of other things you've seen or reels,

You know,

It's a confusing place.

And so I don't know how,

What is,

What comes up for you?

And when I talk about that,

That I completely agree with you on everything you just said.

And it is,

It's like,

It's so beautiful to be able to like live through someone else's experience in the ways I describe.

It's so great.

But it also is this place for your festering ego to be like,

Oh,

Let me care because ego loves nothing more than to just make a list of things that you're either better than other people at or not as good as.

So it's like you be scrolling,

You'd be like,

Oh my God,

I'm such a better mom than that person.

Oh,

My car is better than that person.

Oh my God,

She's so much prettier than me.

You know,

It's like,

And that's your ego mind is just like,

I'm worse.

I'm worse.

I'm better.

I'm better.

And egos love that.

And that's why social media is so great because everybody has an ego.

Everybody has that piece of them that does the comparison thing.

And that's where having a mindfulness practice,

Kicking up the awareness,

I call it piloting your brain plane,

The ability to just like navigate to another place.

Notice,

Oh,

I'm doing it.

I'm comparing.

Let me,

Oh,

Hold on.

I have some choices here.

I think that therefore then social media can be a healing place because then people like you and I can exactly,

I'm on one side of the country and you're on another and we can find each other and we can say,

Oh,

We have a lot of the same things that we align on.

That's when it's beautiful.

Let's share our message.

Then there's the darker side of it where you're,

You know,

Doom.

I heard someone call it doom scrolling the other day.

I'm like,

Oh,

Doom scrolling.

How can I just feel terrible?

What is my ex up to like,

Oh,

That was the girl that was mean to me in the 10th grade.

What's she doing?

You know,

Doom scrolling.

It's totally right.

And I think whatever mental place we're in,

Right.

We find things to reflect that.

So if you're in that kind of a mood and then you're,

You're scrolling,

Then you're finding things to confirm I'm unworthy or somebody else is doing it better and stuff like that.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

I mean,

Life is a mirror,

Right?

Everything's a mirror.

Yeah.

So,

And I think that that's,

That's why mindfulness is so beneficial,

Right?

It's because we can be aware of our thoughts.

So I love how you say that piloting your brain plane.

I love that.

So,

And you also mentioned like ego and stuff like that.

So talk,

Tell us a little bit when you're referring to like your ego side,

What we're talking about there.

Okay.

So I think normally when people think of ego,

They think of somebody who's just like really full of themselves.

Oh my God,

It's such a big ego.

What I'm talking about is the part of our primitive brains that allowed us to become what we as humans are now and evolve and like,

You know,

Make comparisons,

Assess what's good or bad.

And because we were in survival mode as humans evolving for a long time,

The ego piece of the brain,

Which really hasn't evolved that much was always super focused on safety and therefore focused in on fear and what's dangerous and what's bad.

And so that stuff is still very much alive in our brains.

And if we aren't aware,

Then we do tend to walk around with a cloud hanging over us or in our minds,

Just,

You know,

Making everyone better than us or worse than us.

And that,

You know,

That's the ego part,

The part that like really holds onto beliefs,

My beliefs,

What I think.

When in reality I had this,

This like rhyme came to me one day and I was like,

I am you and you are me altogether.

That makes we,

We have the power together to be,

Let's be better together because we are all each other.

We are all the universe,

Anything with,

With,

With consciousness and energy in it,

Every living thing,

We're all part of the universe,

Right?

We all come from the same thing.

But the ego is the piece that makes us separate and different.

And that is important,

But also can lead to a lot of self-induced suffering.

And so when,

Once you recognize that you have kind of two of you loosely speaking,

Two of you where it's like the ego and then the ability to be the observer.

So observer of the thoughts that you think that's like the inner knowing the deeper you,

The piece of you,

That is the piece of me,

That is the piece of her and him and them.

That's the sweet spot.

And then there's the labels,

Titles,

Roles.

I look this way,

You look that way.

I have this,

They have that ego thinking mind.

So it's the two,

The two parts.

And they both serve a purpose,

But humanity is in a place right now where we're raising our consciousness and we're increasing our awareness and mindfulness practice is a,

Another way to,

To,

To label that.

And that allows us to create and notice the separation between the ego mind and the inner knowing piece that's connected to everything and everyone.

And it's just a more peaceful existence when you learn to tap into the inner knowing and observe the ego and be like,

Oh,

I,

There you are ego.

I see what you're doing.

I'm onto you.

Right.

So easier said than done,

Right?

Like this is,

This is our,

Our lifelong practice.

I think for a lot of us,

I'm speaking for myself included,

Like ego is kind of the autopilot portion of me that we kind of revert to when,

When we talk about ego and you,

You explained it so well,

Kind of this ego side of us.

And then we have this other side of us,

That's like our true,

True self.

And we're kind of like trying to find a return back there,

Like keep coming back to who we are and recognize when we're on autopilot.

Explain a little bit more.

So you mentioned the term like pilot your,

Your plain brain.

Is that what you said?

Yeah.

Pilot your brain brain plane.

I said it backwards pilot,

Your brain pain plane.

I love that.

I'm totally going to use that with kids.

I think they would love that.

So tell us like,

Give us an example of what that would look like when you're piloting your brain plane.

And you're kind of navigating this,

This ego side,

Like recognizing that that's happening.

What does that look like to identify the ego side and then trying to come back to this other like true self?

So first you have to be open to witnessing your own bull leap.

Okay.

You have to be open to,

To saying like,

Oh,

I am responsible for my thoughts,

Actions,

And reactions.

So that's step one.

You just have to be not,

And not everybody is.

So first there has to be the openness.

Second is a willingness to just practice noticing,

Not just the thoughts you're thinking,

But what's happening in your body.

Like,

Um,

For me,

For example,

I noticed a shift in my nervous system,

In the body chemistry,

What's happening in my body when I have to do something associated with time.

So I had to,

Um,

I didn't have to,

I wanted to come on and talk to you today.

And so now it's like nine 45 and I could feel the shift in my body.

I'm like,

Why am I feeling this way?

Oh,

What am I thinking?

I'm thinking,

What if I'm late?

What if I'm not ready?

What if I,

So you kind of,

You just committing to noticing just noticing that's it.

That's all it takes to start.

You don't have to be,

You know,

Be like,

I'm going to,

I need to get up and meditate for an hour every day.

Oh my God.

No,

You don't.

So is it,

Is it as simple as saying like,

Do you say it out loud or you're just like labeling it in your head?

Like,

Oh,

This,

This thought is happening again or,

Oh,

I'm having this sensation.

So,

So for me,

It's just a commitment to practicing this over and over again.

And it can be just an inner voice dialogue where you kind of come in as the observer and you're like,

Whoa,

I see it.

So now you see that there's two,

Two of you,

Right?

Cause you're committing to noticing.

But I heard this thing the other day about how a,

Another way to kind of bring the benefits of meditation into the busy-ness of everyday life without having to sit in stillness.

Though I do think that there's a,

You know,

A great benefit to just sitting in stillness and breathing.

And I describe it to my kids as kind of like when they go on their iPads and they want to choose a Netflix show and they're just like swiping away.

Like that's,

So that's a way to practice in meditation and in stillness kind of,

As you see a thought come in,

You're just like,

No,

No wipe it,

You know,

Just like swipe it cause you're not holding onto it.

But in waking life,

That's not as easy.

And so I heard my point is that you can kind of say out loud or to yourself,

Oh,

I am aware that,

And it can be anything.

I am aware that I am talking right now on this podcast.

I am aware that for anybody listening,

I am aware that I am hearing this podcast and just practicing,

Even saying the words,

I am aware that and insert whatever you're doing.

Brings you back to the present moment.

Brings you back to the present moment.

Cause we've all experienced those times where we're driving and next thing you know,

You're like,

I missed my exit or like,

How did I get home?

I don't remember getting home cause we get so lost in our thoughts.

So just the simple act of saying to yourself out loud or inside,

I am aware that,

And whatever it is that you're doing kind of just lets you start to tap into increasing awareness,

Mindfulness.

And you're not labeling it as like good or bad,

Or there's not an emotion tied to it necessarily is there.

You're just kind of labeling what is happening.

Exactly.

The ego wants to make us that,

Oh,

I'm such a jerk.

I can't believe I'm thinking that or saying that or bubble doesn't have to be that way.

For example,

We had a baptism for my nephew a couple weekends ago and the other family that was baptizing their child was late and they weren't just a little late.

They were like 30 minutes late.

And so we delayed the whole christening by 30 minutes.

And I could see in my head that I started to have a narrative about those people who weren't here.

And I can't believe that they're not on time.

And I was like,

Oh,

Wow.

I see that that's happening.

Let me take some deep breaths because one,

I don't have any control over who they are,

Where they are,

When they're going to get here.

Two,

I could be them,

You know,

As like,

And you just,

Just by seeing the thought and noticing that you're having judgment doesn't make you bad.

You're makes you human,

But doesn't mean you don't have to hold onto it.

Like one of the sayings that I always say is like,

You're not the thoughts you think you're separate from them.

You know,

See the thought don't be the thought.

So I can be driving in my car and I can be like,

Wow,

That person's a jerk.

And I'm like,

No,

Let it go.

Like chores and driving are great.

Another opportunity to practice mindfulness and awareness.

What are you,

What are things that you have to do every day or at least multiple times a week,

Right?

Dishes,

Whether you have a dishwasher or you're washing my hand laundry driving to places.

Okay.

These are things that we do,

Or you take public transportation.

If you live in a city,

Whatever there are things that we do and you can accept it or you can resist it.

And resistance existence is nothing but a nuisance.

So why would you resist it?

Just accept this is,

Do I have to like it?

No,

But I'm doing it.

So it's like,

Okay,

I'm literally in my bedroom.

I'm staring at a pile of laundry.

It's overflowing from the thing.

I could label it and make it bad.

Or I could just be like,

Oh,

There's a chore laundry,

Laundry,

Not,

Oh my God,

Your family makes so much dirty laundry.

Cause I thought it used to be me and I'd like march around and be like,

I can't believe how much laundry there is.

And I have to fold in it.

Well,

It just needs to get done.

And it's an opportunity to just take a beat,

See that it's there and handle it.

Maybe pop in some earbuds and listen to a podcast while you're doing it.

You know,

So that,

You know,

What you were talking about reminded me,

There's this equation.

You've probably heard it before,

But pain times resistance equals suffering.

Pain times resistance equals suffering.

And so it's not,

It's often not what the thing is that is like that thing may be painful.

Like,

Let's say for example,

I mean,

Laundry is not necessarily painful,

But it's just like,

Oh,

I don't necessarily enjoy it.

It's a non-preferred.

Um,

Or at your christening,

Like you were talking about people being really late and it's like making everybody else late and stuff like that.

It's like,

Okay,

This is like,

This is a non-preferred thing.

Um,

But the resistance to it,

Uh,

Is really what creates the suffering.

So the story behind,

Uh,

What's happening,

The story creates the self-induced suffering.

And once you start to recognize how much power and freedom there is in letting the story go,

It's so helpful.

So another technique that I learned,

Um,

From a woman called Byron Katie,

She has a book called,

Um,

Loving what is loving what is.

And she,

You know,

She's like the work.

Yeah.

And you,

You ask yourself a series of questions and like the best,

Most powerful question you can ever ask yourself is,

Is this true?

Is what I'm thinking true?

And you may think it is,

But yes,

I think it's true.

And then you have to ask the followup question.

Do I know absolutely 100% for sure that this is true.

And there's almost nothing that the answer is yes.

I know absolutely 100% for sure.

This is true.

You know,

Unless it's like,

Is this too for well,

Yeah,

But you know,

If I'm like,

My husband thinks that I'm just a lazy piece of crap.

Do I know that for sure for 100% sure.

No,

That's a story that I'm telling myself because I see a pile of laundry and it,

You know what I mean?

Like,

So just like the laundry jog,

The story that then you were lazy,

That then you were suffering because of a story.

And really it's just a pile of laundry.

It's interesting.

Okay.

So you label,

So if you notice you're kind of getting onto that autopilot,

You label it,

You might say to yourself,

Like,

Is this,

If a story is coming up about it and you're getting attached to that story and getting pulled into the hole with it or whatever you might say,

Like,

Is this true?

What else?

Anything else?

Or I'm sure people are thinking,

Well,

But then what?

Because the thought keeps coming back.

Right.

So then what?

Yeah.

Yes.

Okay.

So the,

In the work from Brett Byron,

Katie,

Like the,

One of the other steps is to ask yourself,

Who would you be without this thought?

And I do this a lot with my husband where like,

You know,

I'll be like,

Oh,

So frustrated with him.

Like,

Cause he's not giving me enough attention or whatever.

And then like,

Is it true that he's not giving me enough attention?

No,

It's probably not.

And then who would I be without this thought?

I would just be a person who loves another person who wants more time with that person.

And maybe I could just speak up and say,

Hey,

Can we have a date night?

You know,

Like who,

Who would I,

Who would you be without that thought?

You would just be a person who is breathing.

Like,

And it's just so powerful to,

To snap yourself out of the thought explosion,

The thought spiral that sucks you into that yucky feeling.

It's like,

Feel that way.

And I,

I practiced that with my,

With my kids a lot,

You know,

Like my daughter will just be like,

This is the worst day ever,

You know,

Because she,

Her poppet broke,

You know,

Poppets are so the worst thing ever.

I'm like,

Is that true?

Is that really true?

Is it really the worst day ever?

No.

Do you feel bad that the poppet broke?

Yes.

You know,

Does it mean that life is over?

No,

You know,

It's like,

You can be upset about the thing,

Or you can be upset about the thing.

Tell a story that leads to another story that has you crying on the floor for a day or two,

Which is not to say that you shouldn't feel your feelings and let you know yourself have the moment,

But it's recognizing how long you are you lingering in that moment.

Yeah.

Let's talk about,

I want to talk about that a little bit more the,

The difference,

Because I think sometimes when people hear like your analogy of like the Netflix,

Which I loved of like swiping and kind of moving a thought along or something like that,

Some people may be like,

Well,

That's totally avoidance.

Like what is the difference?

So I want to talk about that.

The,

But I did want to point out something that you,

When you were talking about,

Say like the,

The story with your husband of feeling like wanting more time with him,

And then you wrap up a story or something.

I think the beauty with mindfulness of exactly what you,

You were doing is you could have gotten attached in that story of this is why he's not paying attention to me or whatever,

But by just being aware of it,

Like,

Oh,

That may not be true.

That's a thought you then could actually ask him like,

Hey,

What are you thinking?

Or I,

Or communicate your needs.

I want to spend time with you.

So by stepping outside of the story,

It actually creates a lot more freedom to,

Um,

To have the story that you want or to get your needs met because you're actually communicating with the other person where if you're stuck in that story,

We oftentimes miss that whole conversation because we've believed something to be true that the other person may not even be feeling.

Oh yes,

Man.

If I could go back to tell my twenties self this stuff,

Because I,

I was so insecure and felt unworthy of,

Of loving myself that I was in these relationships where I also didn't get love and respect from the other because I wasn't providing that for myself,

Which is not to say that it's like a fault,

But that's just now that I have awareness,

I noticed that then I would create these stories of jealousy.

And,

Um,

Then there would be like this like desperate clinging to these people who were toxic and abusive to me,

But I almost craved it because it supported the story that I was telling and living in.

And ultimately the story and therefore the physical feeling that the story led to was giving me familiar feelings.

This is going a slightly different place,

Familiar feelings that came from stuff that happened in childhood.

I would later understand that didn't feel good,

But we're familiar.

And so we often chase the ego,

Love what's familiar and comfortable.

And so even if what's familiar and comfortable,

Isn't feeling good,

It's like,

Oh,

I know this.

And so I grew up in a household with a lot of fighting and yelling.

And,

Um,

So I was recreating that over and over and over again.

Um,

And I read a great book called the body keeps the score by,

Um,

Bessel van der Kolk,

Um,

The body keeps the score and it talks about how,

You know,

Our bodies hold memories much the same way that our minds hold thoughts and memories,

But in the form of physical feelings.

Um,

And so when we tell stories,

The body supports the stories that create the familiarity.

And then we're like living these cycles over and over again without awareness.

You really can't even begin to create healing because you're just in the loop.

You're staying in that same familiar story,

That same familiar loop.

Yeah.

And so that's where the mindfulness piece of,

Um,

Recognizing when you're on autopilot and recognizing that that's happening.

Um,

And body,

I think you've mentioned body cues a bunch of times,

And I love that because I think that's something that we so often get caught up in our heads that we,

Uh,

Forget about the whole body and the body is actually sending us clues all the time about what's going on.

And so,

Uh,

You know,

I'm,

I'm assuming,

But probably there were some clues like,

Uh,

You know,

With some of your ex-boyfriends or your previous job,

It's like your body was kind of trying to tell you like this doesn't feel right.

Um,

And if we are caught up in the story,

We can't really listen right to our body to even pay attention to what it's telling us.

The story drowns out all other things because you,

Like you said,

You're just like,

So in here in your head and you forget that there's like a whole rest of you that could use some attention as well.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And,

And you spoke to it too,

That,

Um,

Sometimes we end up repeating those stories because it's something familiar to us too.

And so,

Um,

Again,

Just having awareness.

So,

Um,

We've,

We've talked a lot about the importance of our thoughts and recognizing our thoughts,

Labeling them,

Pausing,

Recognizing that not all thoughts are facts,

Right?

Actually most of them aren't most of our,

A lot of our thoughts are random or repetitive.

If we actually watch them,

They're really,

They're not always like purposeful or helpful is what I've realized.

Um,

And,

And so then there's this like body piece of our bodies also trying to communicate to us.

And then we have emotions.

So people who are listening are probably like,

Oh my gosh,

We've got thoughts,

Emotions,

Body sensations.

Like how do you navigate all of this?

Like life is so overwhelming.

You can kind of understand why we tune out,

Right?

It's,

It's so much easier to distract ourselves because if we really paid attention to all of the things,

It might feel overwhelming.

What is the difference between avoiding our,

Our emotions,

Um,

Or being with them or knowing how much attention they need,

I guess is the right question.

How do we know how much attention to give to our emotions and what to do?

It's gotta be individual,

Right?

And you know,

If you,

If you need a day or a week to marinate in morning,

Whether it's job loss,

Loss of a loved one,

End of a relationship,

Then you take it with awareness as your sidekick to say,

We're not going to stay here forever.

We're gonna like,

You know,

We're going to have a plan where maybe I listened to sad music for three hours and then I'm going to get up and I'm going to walk outside with some fresh air.

And so it's all about making choices for yourself and nobody can tell you this is what you should do to get over it.

But I will say there is scientific evidence to support the fact that,

And I heard this on a Ted talk and then I've since revisited it multiple times because I just think it's such powerful information.

Um,

This neuro scientist,

Uh,

Was talking about how it takes 90 seconds for an emotion to leave the body.

So if you be,

If you truly allow yourself to be with this feeling for 90 seconds and let it flow through you,

Like you're not stifling the cry,

You're just letting yourself have it as an example.

If you just let yourself have it for 90 seconds,

It will have moved through you.

It's energy.

Everything's energy.

Now,

Anything that lasts longer than 90 seconds as far as an,

An emotion is concerned is because we in our minds are holding a thought that continues the feeling and the emotion.

So the story kind of is that part of the story.

Okay.

And so that has been very helpful to me where like I'll start to feel an emotion and I'm like,

You know what,

Let me just stop and have this experience this in its fullness knowing that it will,

You know,

This too shall pass because it's,

It's energy and science tells me that it will take 90 seconds and it will,

It will move through and then I can move on.

And I just think that's so that's just having that information is so powerful because while it may not click or work for anybody the first time,

Just knowing that that is there to reach for is really great because then you can say,

Why do I still feel so terrible?

Oh,

Cause I'm holding the thought.

It's not actually the thing.

It's the thought that I was holding on to about it.

The resistance.

Yeah.

I,

I love this conversation because I think as we're talking,

Like I think mindfulness seems so complicated and in some ways,

Even as we're talking about it,

It seems like a lot to navigate.

But at the same time,

It's so simple,

Right?

It's just about this awareness piece of being aware of our thoughts,

Our emotions,

Labeling them.

And just even that piece,

Like you talk about is flying our brain plane,

Right?

We're actually the one in charge of what's happening up here.

We're aware instead of letting it control us,

We're really aware of what's happening.

And just that awareness piece then gives us the potential to choose a different way or to,

To you know,

Whatever that looks like to,

To choose a different path,

To try something different,

To try a different response.

But it really,

It all starts with that awareness.

Right.

It really does.

And you know,

As somebody who has I've used medicine to help manage anxiety and mood,

Which I no longer take because I was like,

I want to try to go it alone,

Which I'm not advocating that I'm not anti medicine at all.

I'm totally like what is what is going to like make you the healthiest best you.

But you know,

I done medicine.

I've done a lot of homework on different practices that,

You know,

Can release joy and help you think positive.

And I for a period of time,

I was on a like,

Positivity will get you everywhere.

And it's like,

No positivity is a piece of it,

But it's not the only player in the game because sometimes like my,

My dear,

Dear best friend died of cancer.

And I wasn't going to positivity myself through that he died of cancer.

Like,

I'm not going to be like,

Oh yeah,

This is no screw that.

Like that sucked.

And positivity didn't get me through that,

You know,

Acceptance,

Awareness,

Celebrating the life that he had and the impact that he had on my life.

Like those are the things that that helped,

But you can't positivity your way through dark moments.

It's just,

It's a supporting role,

But the mindfulness is the most powerful tool.

And it's just one,

One shift at a time,

Just one shift at a time.

It doesn't have to be everything all at once.

You're not getting up.

Like I said,

Getting up and meditating,

You know,

For an hour every day for the rest of your life.

If that's not what works for you,

It's just like committing to just know,

Like I said,

Just noticing is the gateway.

And then from there,

You just add on as it feels comfortable.

It doesn't have to be all at once,

But just noticing and recognizing that you do have the ability to see the thought and not be the thought that's like,

Wow.

Wow.

Right.

And we,

We started with talking about your path of leaving your career and kind of pursuing more of this mindfulness practice and,

And you so authentically share your journey on your podcast,

Which is why I really love your podcast.

I,

I am a podcast junkie myself,

And I love listening to,

You know,

Tara Rock and,

And some of those like familiar meditation teachers.

But I think what I really like about your podcast is it's so just authentic of what the day to day kind of journey looks like of the different things that are coming up for you and how you're navigating it.

And so I have just,

I've really appreciated that.

If you could share a little bit,

We talked at the beginning about,

Yeah,

Your shift from out of your career to now,

What kind of a,

What kind of a path has that looked like for you?

What have you noticed just in your day to day life since making this shift?

Well,

One is that I've allowed myself to try different things.

And that has been such a beautiful thing where,

You know,

I left this job that many people would think is so glamorous working in TV and sure working in TV could,

Could be glamorous sometimes.

But I was like,

What's gonna fill me up and help me feel as connected to myself and the world around me as possible.

And so I've done things like work in retail.

I got my realtor my real estate license,

Which that turned out that like wasn't the path for me.

I've done some network marketing businesses.

I'm involved in two of those right now.

Just allowing myself to be curious about myself has been the greatest gift.

And I think curiosity and without making yourself bad or wrong in the process is super helpful,

Which not everybody has the ability to just like say goodbye career.

I'm going to go explore.

Like I get that.

But in small ways,

Kind of allowing yourself to test out just ways in which you can push yourself outside of your comfort zone,

But that's still feel good.

So like,

I always had wanted to sing.

And I had shoved that down for a long time.

Now I sing with a band.

And just giving yourself the gift of trying new things.

I always wanted to dance.

Like I dream of like just being like this great dancer.

And I had labeled myself as someone having two left feet.

And I was so scared about dancing.

I found a Zumba class and I went to Zumba class and I put myself right in the front.

And I was like,

Okay,

I told the teacher,

I'm like,

I don't know how to dance.

I've never danced before.

I've never taken Zuma.

I slapped a smile on my face.

And for three weeks I went to this class and I couldn't get any of the steps.

And I was probably so annoying to the people in back of me.

But then again,

I'm like,

Is that true?

I don't know if that's true,

You know,

Whatever.

So,

But after three weeks,

Like finally some of the dance moves clicked and I was releasing joy because I read in a book how dancing helps you,

You know,

Move anxiety through your body and spark joy.

Just getting curious,

Exploring,

Trying things that support you,

But are a little bit uncomfortable and are a bit of a reach.

That's the sweet spot.

And I had heard on a podcast recently that that is a great way to increase your wisdom level is by trying new things that feel good,

But that are a bit of a stretch and it supports you in becoming wiser.

So you don't have to wait till you're old to be wise because a lot of times the studies have shown that like old people are wise,

But you don't have to wait to be wise.

You can be wise right now.

Okay.

Well,

And I think it's interesting because the older we get,

We stop thinking we can try new things.

Like I,

I've found myself having this belief like,

Oh,

Because I didn't learn the guitar when I was a kid.

Like I am not going to be able to play the guitar or I think we get so caught up in doing things typically from like a perfect professional standpoint or something like that,

That we really stop exploring different hobbies.

And so I love that you said that because that is,

Um,

Interestingly been something that's really been popping into my head a lot more is to just allow to do something just for the pure purpose of having fun.

How often do we do things for,

You know,

To just have fun and to just for the joy of it,

Usually it has to have an outcome.

It's like,

Well,

If I do this,

Then it needs to be to help me professionally or,

Or,

You know,

That we're always looking for an outcome.

And what if the outcome were just having fun and joy,

You know,

I'm 100%.

The whole reason that I never pursued singing was like,

Well,

If I'm not going to be Beyonce,

Then just nevermind,

Like,

If I'm not going to go and win the voice,

Who cares?

And it's like,

Oh,

I actually do enjoy singing that it doesn't matter if I'm,

You know,

Number one on the billboard charts,

I'm doing it because it brings me joy.

And when people hear music,

It brings them joy.

And wow.

Oh,

Hey,

It's actually great the way that it is.

And because I went into it just for the joy and the experience,

Like now I'm with this group of people who I enjoy playing music with,

We wound up getting hired for a number of things like paid,

Like,

I'm a,

I got paid to sing.

Oh my God.

Wow.

Because because I tried and I didn't put the pressure to like,

Make it be a thing.

It was just for the joy.

Wow.

Wow.

And would you say your podcast is kind of for the joy like exploring?

I would say it's for the joy and for the therapy of it.

Like it is helpful for me.

And my intention is to share what's helpful for me to help other people.

And I have a small but mighty following.

So,

And I,

And I have done,

He pumped them out consistently one,

One episode a week for the last 47 weeks,

I'm almost at the one year mark and it never feels like,

I have to do that.

It feels genuinely like,

Oh,

I get to put this podcast together.

I'm so happy.

And I'm grateful that I,

One have the ability to do it and two that people want to listen to it.

So tell us the name of your podcast and where people can find it.

It's called soul,

Like your soul,

Socially responsible.

Um,

And it's everywhere you can listen to a podcast.

And the whole idea of being socially responsible came to me one day in the shower,

I set aside,

Um,

Specific time to think because as somebody who manages anxiety,

I find that if I don't set aside specific time for thinking about certain things that sometimes I become consumed.

So I'm like,

Okay,

If I need to worry about or think about something specific,

I'll be like,

I'll do it in the shower or I'll like sit down with my notepad in the morning or whatever and make time to do that.

So one day I was in the shower and I was just like,

And I was like,

This phrase came to my mind,

Socially responsible,

Kind of just taking ownership of your own nonsense.

Um,

And,

And who you are beyond labels,

Titles,

And roles.

I'm like,

Yeah.

So I secured the domain name.

This was a couple of years ago and I never did anything with it.

And I was sitting there and then during the pandemic,

I'm like,

Let's start a podcast.

I love it.

Yes.

Continuing to follow that joy and that creativity.

Yeah.

So at the beginning we talked about,

Um,

You kind of defining yourself and your career,

And that was like a big,

A big part of who you were.

So how would you describe or who is Bridget now?

Student of life,

Full-time student of life.

I'm open to all lessons.

The universe is serving.

I'm just like,

Doesn't mean does not mean life is perfect.

Doesn't mean that I'm always,

Um,

Aware and very conscious because sometimes I'm like,

Oh man,

That was not very conscious.

I was reacting,

You know,

Like if my kids get in a fight,

Like immediately my consciousness will go out the window and,

But I,

I can see,

Like,

I see it happening.

I'm like,

Oh,

There goes,

There goes my consciousness.

Here I go.

I'm going to get sucked into an old pattern here.

So there is still the awareness that's like woven into every part of my life,

But like,

I'm just me,

I'm not me pretending to be someone else.

That's powerful.

That's probably,

Yeah.

You're me without pretending to be somebody else.

I love that.

Well,

Thank you so much for chatting with me.

I have loved the conversation and,

Um,

I would really encourage people to go check out your podcast,

The,

Um,

Socially responsible podcast.

Um,

Cause I think that you will love hearing Bridget's journey and,

Um,

Really going along with her on it.

Thank you so much for being here.

Bridget.

Thank you.

I'm so grateful to you,

Michelle.