Trust

So this week I would like to explore with you something that is alive for me in my family life and that's alive for me in my heart and that is the concept of trust.

What do we trust in our lives?

When has our trust been compromised or when has our trust been betrayed?

And how has that betrayal of trust prevented us from trusting again?

So the inquiry is can we trust and what can we trust?

So it's been my experience that I can't trust my out-of-control mind.

You know it spins stories and has all kinds of distractions happening,

All kinds of preoccupations and fantasies and projections and opinions.

Sometimes my mind is like a broken record.

It just repeats the same thing over and over and over again.

And yet the irony is that the more time that we're engaged with the spinning in our thoughts and ideas,

The more it's something that we put our trust in.

We begin to trust that our thinking is the way to go.

That we can trust that I can think my way into a safer life.

I can figure out and find my way in this life through my thinking.

The solution to all of my life's problems will be solved if I just think about it some more.

And well if I didn't figure it out today,

I'll just keep thinking about it tomorrow.

I'll just keep thinking,

Thinking,

Thinking my way out of my unhappiness.

Does this sound familiar?

I've pretty much done this my whole life.

You know I've had challenges that I've gone on like that have gone on for months and months.

Issues that I've tried to figure out and solve.

And they say in particular in parenting that just when you've nailed a developmental stage and you feel really confident in that stage then it changes.

And then you're faced again with trying to figure out the next stage.

Kind of churning away with it.

And here's the rub.

The solution doesn't come from the churning figuring out mind.

So what I'm learning and I want to clear be clear that it's ongoing.

It's ongoing learning.

Like what I'm learning is I don't have to try to figure things out.

I don't have to trust my neurotic mind.

It's actually misplaced trust and it's a habit.

I habitually do it.

Maybe you habitually do it.

I think it's a human thing that we habitually do.

So one of the areas that I'm learning to place my trust in is in my body.

You know the body isn't abstract.

It's always here with us.

The body can't be anywhere else.

The mind can be all over the planet but the body is always here and now.

And it always brings me to the present.

There's a lot of information in the body moment by moment.

I heard this Zen teaching some years ago that the body is kind of like an antenna.

So imagine an antenna and if you tune into its frequency you can start to see well what is it picking up?

It's not my own inner feelings.

I mean certainly that's what's happening but it's also my inner feelings as a reaction to the world.

It's the resonance of what's happening around me.

So to begin trusting the body has been a very important part of my practice because trusting the body that has so much information,

More information than the spinning of the mind.

So this is a challenge because we haven't learned in our culture to trust our bodies,

Right?

I think we've learned the opposite.

You know we've learned that there's something wrong with my body especially in the realm of like fashion magazines or popular culture.

Our society doesn't like the body that I have.

I should be much thinner but I'm not going for that.

You know there is a way in which society sees us through these filters of our body.

These wrinkles,

These bags,

This gray hair,

It's not supposed to be there.

It's supposed to be different according to the social norm.

So we're getting this message from our culture,

From our peers,

Maybe from our families that somehow it's just not enough to be alive and to be breathing and to be attentive.

So we try to figure it out and fix it and be acceptable.

If you're a fixer you're in luck because there is a never-ending supply of fixing to do when it comes to this body,

When it comes to a lot of things really.

Or maybe,

Maybe we trust escaping.

You know sometimes it's really simple like we're just watching a movie.

That's in a form of escape and the idea is I can just get a better movie to watch.

So I'll keep looking at all of the trailers until I find the movie that grabs hold of me so that I don't have to feel my body,

So that I don't have to feel myself.

We trust escaping a lot.

Movies,

Video games,

Travel.

We've come to trust being distracted.

Something that is happening with my 13-year-old right now is blaming.

We've really become a culture of blaming.

We see it at the highest level of government and we've learned to trust blaming.

If I can't blame someone out there,

Let me just figure out a way to blame,

To take the responsibility off of me and place it out there on somebody else because then I can feel better about myself.

I don't have to be present for myself and how uncomfortable I feel with taking responsibility for myself.

So these are some of the areas in which we're trusting unconsciously.

Something that I've learned to put my trust in is mindfulness.

Mindfulness itself.

Awareness itself.

You can always,

Always trust mindfulness practice.

Mindfulness isn't concerned with what we're mindful of.

We can trust being aware of what's happening now and how it feels in the body.

If you're feeling anxiety,

Just mindful of anxiety.

If there's grief,

Mindful of grief.

Just aware of it.

A little bit more dialed in.

A little bit more attuned and attentive to the details of what is happening inside this body,

In this moment.

So as we close today,

I want to offer you a question to consider before we open it up for discussion.

And you can write this down and think about it and also bring it back on Thursday.

So where have you put your trust in a way that's not really working?

Like hopefully you're tuned into this reflection so that perhaps you see more clearly the subconscious trust.

You know that you've thought this was going to be the solution.

You've trusted this thinking over and over and over again.

And seeing well it doesn't really work this rumination.

So by having you ask the question,

What are you trusting now that's not really working?

That's not really working.

Maybe it will help you a little bit and shift where you're putting your trust.

So thank you for your your consideration and your attention.

We have some time to reflect together.