Welcome.
I'm so glad you're here.
This meditation is part of my work here on Insight Timer on bringing wisdom,
Mindfulness,
And non-duality to difficult relationships and to conflict.
I'm a therapist for many years now,
And of course I learn so much from my clients.
But what I've learned most from is my high-conflict relationship with my husband.
We've had terrible,
Terrible fights and arguments in our years together,
And I figured out how to bring my mindfulness experience and my therapist wisdom to those moments.
And I'd love to share this with you.
So this meditation is a powerful practice of being with difficult emotions in a way that lightens them but doesn't ignore them or push them away.
So let's begin.
Take a comfortable position.
Bring your attention to the breath.
In-breath and out-breath.
No need to change the pace or the depth of your natural breathing.
Simply noticing the sensations that accompany the breath now and at every moment.
The miracle of breath.
And now expanding your attention to the entire body,
To any body sensations that are present for you right now.
Just scanning with a gentle curiosity to see what's there.
As you prepare yourself to meet difficult emotion,
With your gentle attention,
See if you can allow the body to sink a little deeper into the support of the furniture or the cushion and all else that is physically supporting you right now,
Including the earth itself.
And once again,
Noticing any other kind of sensation in the body,
Simply noticing what's there.
Bring a gentle curiosity and scan the body for sensations that aren't connected to a clearly biological occurrence.
Butterflies in the stomach.
Or a swelling sensation in the throat.
And if it's difficult to locate emotion sensations,
Connect to the idea that right now everything is okay.
Sometimes that can provide an opening for uncomfortable feelings to make themselves known.
And if it's difficult to locate emotion sensations,
Whatever emotion sensation you find,
Now we're going to turn towards emotion sensation with openness,
With welcome.
I'm glad you're here.
You are part of my experience at this moment.
I know you want something good for me.
Say words that reflect something you can honestly express.
You are part of me at this moment.
You are part of my experience right now.
And just noticing what it's like to turn to the emotion with openness and welcome.
And now with open attention,
Internally looking towards the emotion that is there,
Towards that sensation.
Listen for a moment or two and see what this emotion is about.
See what it has to say right now.
Hello emotion,
What do you have to tell me right now?
If the emotion sensation has moved since you first scanned and found it,
Follow it.
What are you about?
What are you connected to?
Perhaps a word or an occurrence comes into your mind,
Giving you a little more awareness of what this feeling is.
You may want to repeat any words of welcome.
I'm so glad you're here.
Thank you for showing up.
Whatever is there,
Noticing your response and making space if possible with welcome.
And connecting once again to the body sensation of the emotion.
It may be very similar to what you first identified or it may have changed.
And bringing gentle curiosity to the emotion sensation,
However it is now.
And turning towards the emotion sensation again and asking,
What do you want?
With an openness and a willingness to hear.
What do you want,
Sadness?
What do you want,
Emotion that's coming to you?
What's connected to the argument we had yesterday?
And just noticing whatever comes up.
Whatever need or want the emotion expressed,
We're not talking now about acting on that need.
We're welcoming the emotion and hearing what it wants.
And then being with that at this moment.
And that in no way defines what we must do.
If this first answer that you received is something that you can identify with as an important need,
You might say,
Thank you for holding that desire.
That's a beautiful or important thing that you want.
And if you received an answer that is not something you can welcome in that way,
See if you can still thank the emotion for letting you know what it wants.
And now turning to emotion sensation once again,
With this question,
Let's say that you get what you just expressed as much as you desire.
Whatever the emotion wanted,
Let's say you get that.
Is there something else that you want?
Perhaps something that flows from that first desire being met?
And whatever answer comes up,
Welcoming the answer.
You may get a response or a sense that the emotion doesn't believe that that's possible.
That's important too.
You may want to ask the emotion sensation again.
Is there something else that you want instead?
And continue to ask the emotion sensation,
What do you want?
Welcoming and thanking whatever expression you hear.
And then asking again,
Okay,
Let's say you get what you just expressed as much as you desire.
Is there something else that you want?
Is there something else that you want?
Perhaps that flows from having that first desire met.
So pause the recording now.
And when you reach a final need,
Where the emotion sensation has nothing else to say that it wants,
Come back to the meditation and we'll continue with an important completion.
So whatever the final answer is,
Now see if it's possible to allow that state or intention to be a part of that emotion.
Even without the chain of wants that led to it.
See if you can take that on now or move into that sensation and experience right now.
If it's something practical,
Asking the emotion if there's anything it wants you to do.
There's no need to commit to any action here.
It's powerful enough to just see what these emotions want.
Could be that the emotion just wants space.
And to be held in the gentle embrace of your attention.
And so taking one more moment to allow this final want and any emotion sensations that are there along with it.
Thanking the emotion for its presence.
For its openness.
For wanting these good things for you.
Take a moment to send love and care and a gratitude to yourself.
Thanking the emotion for its presence.
For making room for feelings.
Connecting again to body sensations of any kind.
Reconnecting your attention to the rise and fall of the breath.
Coming back to the present moment.
And to the space that you're in.
Noticing that right now everything's okay.
You can come back to this meditation as often as you need to or wish to.
Use these meditations to calm yourself after conflict.
Or to create space for emotions that are connected to high conflict issues.
The more space you can give to your feelings,
The more you'll be able to breathe through difficult emotions that arise during fights and arguments.
And have more space to choose your response in difficult interactions.
I'm wishing you well.
Thank you for being here.
And I look forward to being with you again whenever it's right for you.
