Peace Is Here Now | Not In Your Thoughts

I do ask this question a lot in our meditation about what it is that we most intrinsically want to feel,

What it is that we want to know.

And the answer,

What I'm always trying to point us to,

I'm not trying to point us to an image of trying to become something peaceful,

I'm trying to point us to a state of mind of peace,

Of contentment,

Of ease,

Of wholeness,

Of harmony.

And so it's this state of openness,

Of spaciousness,

Of not needing to add anything onto this moment and not needing to push anything away.

So there's really this sense of ease and contentment with what it is that's happening,

With what it is that's arising in this moment.

And so this isn't what it is we most want to feel,

What it is we most want to know,

Is not some magical far-off place.

It's not something that's separate from us.

It's not something that we need to get.

It's always here.

It is always available to us.

So while the peace,

The contentment,

The harmony,

It does not come and go.

It is our attention that comes and goes.

Our attention that leaves the peace and goes up into our thoughts,

Into the thought-created me.

So where we can be feeling quite at ease,

Quite peaceful in one moment,

We know that pull,

Right,

The thoughts just kind of pulling us into,

You know,

Pulling our attention away as though,

Well,

There's just this one thing I need to think about right now.

I just,

I need to think about that email that came in where that person was rather rude.

And even though I've deleted the email and told myself I'm not even going to answer it,

I should think about what I would say just to put them in their place.

Or maybe that thought's just nagging at us,

Just pulling at us like,

Let's just go back and think about that conversation you had earlier with so-and-so,

Because I think you might've said something wrong,

Or I think you might've made a mistake,

Or you might've looked a little foolish.

And even though you were just going over it a few minutes ago and you felt okay again,

It's like,

No,

Let's just go over it again.

Or it's just that pull into fantasizing about how you're going to feel in some future moment,

How good I'm going to feel when I finally get this project done,

When I finally get over there,

When I finally get the praise or the approval,

I'm finally going to feel good,

I'm finally going to be okay.

And so what we're in essence doing is setting up that the thought created me needs to be okay before I can be present.

And so we say that we want peace,

Contentment,

Freedom.

This is what we say is most important to us in the world.

But we keep prioritizing the thought created me over the reality of me.

And so the problem is that as long as we are prioritizing the thought created me's happiness,

We will never know the peace that is always here,

Because our attention will always be lost in the thought created me.

And because the thought created me,

It's always in relationship to something.

It only shows up in contrast,

Right?

We can't think about ourselves unless it's in relationship to something else.

And whatever that something is that we are relating the thought created me to,

It's on a changing spectrum,

Right?

So on a spectrum of opposites,

Of polarity,

Of success and failure,

Of winning,

Of losing,

Of praise and criticism,

Of fairness,

Of unfairness,

Of happiness,

Of unhappiness.

And while on one side of the ledger,

What we would consider to be the unpleasant conditions,

The failure,

The losing,

The criticism,

The pain,

Right?

We're always trying to fix for what's there.

And while 99%,

Not a scientific number,

But my own experience,

99% of what it is we're trying to fix up there is not happening,

Will not happen,

Probably never happened.

It's just our perception of ourselves in that moment of what's going on,

Where we'll take a thread of having made a mistake and then we turn that into,

I'm such a failure,

I'm such a loser.

And now I've got to try and fix for that.

I've got to try and defend myself.

I've got to try and prove something.

I've got to try and get myself out of this predicament that I put myself in.

And so it's every time that we are thinking about ourselves,

Remember,

I have to be in relationship to something else.

So if we're looking on the unpleasant conditions,

If I'm thinking about myself in relationship to someone criticized me,

Right?

Maybe it was just someone on the road,

Right?

Just went by and said,

Oh,

You're a terrible driver,

Right?

Something kind of inconsequential,

Right?

But in our mind,

Then I was criticized.

So now thinking about me criticized,

The only way I can sustain this me is now to try and come up with a solution,

A thought created solution to my thought created problem to appease a thought created me that will only feel good for a moment.

Until then it goes,

But let's just go over that again.

Let's just go over that again.

Let's just rehash that again.

So it just keeps going on and on and on.

And just in this endless spiral,

We say we want peace,

But we give our attention to something that will never let us feel it,

Never let us know it.

And so on the other side of the ledger,

Then the pleasant conditions,

The success,

The praise,

The winning,

The pleasure,

The comfort,

The happiness,

Right?

The other side of ledger,

We're always trying to stay there,

Right?

When the good,

When the changing conditions come into the good conditions,

Still changing.

Now we want to stay there.

And in fact,

Not just stay there,

Sorry,

Not just stay there.

We want more.

We always want more.

I mean,

One of the best examples that we can all relate to,

And even if you've never done it yourself,

Right?

You can relate to this,

That if someone would,

Someone makes a post on social media,

Maybe it was a,

You happen to have a nice picture of yourself,

Or you came up with some clever quote,

You had some,

Some little video,

And you put it up on social media.

And then this particular post happens to an inordinate amount of likes and comments,

Positive comments,

What a great photo,

What a great quote,

What a great video,

Right?

And so with all of this,

Now we're feeling praise,

We're feeling approval,

We're feeling,

We're perceiving in our mind that this is success.

Now,

If being on that side of the ledger,

Of being in the pleasant condition side is really about bringing us to satisfaction and contentment,

We would then put the phone down and just go,

Yeah,

That was nice.

But that is not what happens.

Let me check the phone again.

Oh,

I got more likes again,

More comments again.

Set the phone down for a moment.

Oh,

I'm back.

Oh,

More likes again,

More likes.

Now we're in this state of agitation,

Wanting more and more and more.

And then as the likes and the comments at some point will start to taper off.

Now I'm trying to think,

How can I do another post like that?

How can I get more praise,

More approval,

More success?

So again,

I'm prioritizing the thought created me over the reality of me,

Whose inherent nature is peace.

So no matter where we fall on the spectrum of changing conditions,

If we are pushing back on a problem that we are perceiving most likely not happening,

Never happened,

Will never happen.

But if we are pushing back,

And we think it's just this one problem,

There will always be another problem behind it.

It's endless.

And on the positive side of the ledger,

On the wanting,

It's not just this one more thing.

It's not just a little bit more.

It's endless wanting,

Agitation,

Needing more.

So again,

We say we want peace.

But that is not our experience.

Because what's missing,

What's missing,

Always what's missing in the peace,

In the contentment,

What's absent is the thought created me.

It can't be here.

Because remember,

It's always in relationship to something.

It's either pushing back or it's wanting more.

And it's always just saying,

It's just this one thing.

Just as soon as the kids are out of the house,

Then I can finally be happy.

Or this visitor is finally gone,

Then I can finally be at peace.

Or as soon as that relationship gets fixed,

Then I can be present.

As soon as I finish this project,

Then I can be present.

But it is never ending.

It is never ending.

And it's just a lie we tell ourselves.

Because the nature of the thought created me,

In order to sustain itself in relationship to something,

Is that there has to be some type of agitation against it.

I need more of it,

Or I've got to push back on it.

I'm not suggesting that we don't ever think,

Right?

That thinking can be useful.

Thinking about ourselves in relationship to something can be useful,

Can be helpful to us.

The problem is that we think way too much about ourselves.

99% of the time,

What we are thinking about never happened.

Yeah,

I mean,

Again,

At best,

A slight exaggeration that we play on isn't happening.

It's definitely not happening now.

And it will not happen.

And all of this fixing for it is to try and make ourselves feel safe,

To try and make ourselves happy.

But in fact,

It's not doing anything at all.

It's just making us stressed.

It's making us unhappy.

And so for the 1% or the 2% or the 3% of our thoughts,

That maybe there is something that does need some actual thinking about.

There is something that needs to be done.

It gets so lost in the chaos of all these thoughts that really,

We don't give our attention to the one thing that probably does need our attention.

And so what we do need is discernment,

Right?

We need to be able to discern between which thoughts are useful,

Which thoughts are helpful,

And which thoughts are not.

And so this is where mindfulness comes in.

This is where mindfulness is so much,

So helpful because it pulls us out of the spiral of our thoughts.

It dials down the agitation so that we can then investigate and see what's going on here,

What's useful here,

Right?

Holding up every single thought to scrutiny,

Every thought,

Doesn't matter what it is,

Hold it up to scrutiny.

Because again,

Even the thoughts where you might go,

You know,

I do need to do something with that.

But now that I'm pulled out of the downward spiral of endless thinking,

Now I can take the right action.

Because often in the spiral of thinking,

Maybe we are even thinking about something that there is some validity,

We do need to be thinking about it.

But in that habitual unconscious way in which we do typically think about our problems,

About what it is that we want,

We can often either act in ways that are not appropriate,

That end up,

You know,

Cutting off our nose to spite our face,

Right?

Or paralyzing us in a way that we don't act at all.

So it's not about saying that also like,

Yes,

Thinking,

You know,

Thinking is helpful,

Thinking is useful.

We don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

We do need to be more discerning.

But also because it helps us to see when there is something that needs to be done.

And then we can act with it very,

Act in a way that is skillful,

In a way that is guided by wisdom and compassion,

Instead of from a place of lack and fear,

And,

And greed and desire,

Which often ends up harming us more than it's doing us any good.

And so I do love the,

The acronym.

And I know we've gone over this many times about mindfulness,

And I'm going to keep saying this in just so many different ways to lead us here,

Because the default is just to be in this endless thinking.

And so the more that we can be reminded of,

Of what the practice is to ensure that we really are doing it properly.

So just to remember,

Again,

You know,

Reign,

Recognize,

Allow,

Allow,

Accept,

Acknowledge,

Investigate,

And the end can either be for nurture,

Or I should say,

Probably there should be two ends,

Or the nurture can be an optional and,

And then no self,

No thought created me,

That that's where it should be taking us in the end,

Because it's bringing us back into presence.

So when we recognize what it is that's happening,

The moment that we recognize,

And of course,

The telltale signs of,

Of,

Of that we're lost in the thought created me,

Is there is some type of agitation.

There's just that like,

Oh,

Something's not quite right.

I don't feel good.

Excuse me,

I don't feel good.

Something's not quite right.

Right.

So that's a good sign.

It's like,

Oh,

So I'm lost in the thought created me.

Right?

That right there gives us just that little bit of like coming out of it,

Being able to see what's going on.

But the more that we can really get clearer on it to like,

Wow,

What's going on?

Oh,

I'm in fact,

Yesterday,

I was talking with someone who was telling me about all these,

These plans they've got coming up,

Travel plans,

Some of its work,

Some of it's going to be some time to relax and,

And,

And take a break.

But he was saying how,

When he gets to the break time,

He can never relax.

He always feels guilt.

He always feels the guilt over not being productive.

And so it's a great,

This is where your mindfulness practice comes in,

Right?

Recognize,

Here's the guilt.

Here's the guilt.

As soon as you can recognize the guilt is here.

Again,

You've created some space,

You're no longer in the downward spiral,

In the fear,

In the,

The,

The dis-ease.

And it's like,

Oh,

That's what's going on.

And then in the accepting,

The allowing,

The acknowledging what's happening,

What's really here,

Right?

There's a feeling here.

There's a contraction here.

There's some tension here.

So we breathe and we feel it.

And again,

Now we're here with what's happening and we're out of the story.

And so the agitation is starting to get dialed down.

The fear is starting to get dialed down.

And then we can investigate.

And we can investigate now.

Now our thoughts are being very skillful.

Well,

I was,

I had planned this work holiday,

Work slash holiday.

I had planned some,

Some time in here where I was going to be able to relax on the beach.

And here I am.

But the guilt is stopping me from being able to relax.

Yeah,

I do need to take a break,

Right?

This is part of,

If I can't enjoy this,

If I can't enjoy being here now,

Right?

Then there's never,

Ever going to be a future time that I can enjoy because it's always going to be now.

So it's dealing with this problem,

This perpetual,

Always thinking,

Oh,

It's the future.

I'm going to be happy.

The future,

I'm going to be able to relax.

It's like,

It's now.

And you feel the tension,

You feel it like breathing through it,

Like,

Yeah.

And as you do that,

Right,

What opens up because your attention is now left,

The thought created me and what's opened up is presence,

Right?

I mean,

Your presence,

I should say,

Presence was really always here,

But attention was now,

Our attention is now here in the present moment.

The openness,

The,

The not needing to add anything onto this moment,

The not needing to push anything away,

The contentment,

It's here.

Ah,

There was no thought created me.

That's the no self,

No thought created me.

You reality are here,

Right?

And you reality,

The nature is peace,

Contentment.

It's the thought created me that's layering,

That's adding all this on.

So anytime we're able to recognize like,

Even,

And this just happened to me the other day,

I was just going through something and,

And my thoughts were kind of spinning and I was like,

Oh,

Here it is,

Here it is,

Right?

Just notice it,

Recognize,

Ah,

Here's fear.

Now I can notice some fears here,

Right?

And sometimes we can just breathe into it and just kind of feel it,

But sometimes it also,

You know,

It keeps coming back and it's like,

No,

I need to investigate this.

And then,

And it is important that we do go through the whole steps,

Especially for something that's become quite emotional.

And so you're breathing,

Feeling it,

Like here's the fear,

Right?

Okay.

Yeah,

I can feel it.

I can,

I can allow myself to feel the fear.

And then in the investigating of what it was that I was thinking about,

What I realized was,

Yeah,

I'd made a mistake and I felt really badly about it.

And I was trying to defend myself and try in my mind,

Trying to,

Oh,

This shouldn't have happened.

And how can I make sure this didn't happen again?

It's like,

I just made a mistake.

I made a mistake,

But I couldn't see it when I was lost in the spiral.

The mistake was failure.

The mistake was,

It's always,

Uh,

You know,

It's always a five alarm fire,

The way that we're kind of getting lost in it,

In the thought created me,

The separate self,

The ego.

And so it was insane that once I,

Once I was calmed down,

Right,

I was able to be with the feelings and it's like,

It was a mistake.

All right,

You got to own up to it.

Yeah.

Because mistakes happen.

It happens to all of us.

We all do this.

And then in the acknowledging of that,

It was like,

Yeah,

Okay,

Just acknowledge you made a mistake.

And then all of a sudden,

No thought created me any longer.

Peace.

The mistake was still had happened.

Couldn't change that.

Right.

And I had to acknowledge to someone.

In fact,

It was important.

I felt I needed to acknowledge to someone this mistake and it was fine.

And so it does lead us,

It gets us out of that downward spiral as well.

Every time we,

We hold up whatever it is we're thinking up into this light of mindfulness and investigating it in a way that dials back the fear centers of the brain so that we can investigate.

And I do think it's important that we recognize when we're pushing back on something,

Guilt,

Anger,

Disappointment,

Mistakes,

Not feeling worthy.

In any way that we are pushing back,

Our thoughts are activating the stress response.

And the stress response is meant to keep us laser focused on the threat,

Right?

If there's a snake behind me,

None of you are looking at me.

You can't take your eyes off the snake because that's what the stress response is meant to do.

Stay laser focused on the threat.

And so if a thought about I'm a loser,

If a thought about feeling guilty about not being productive is creating the stress,

It's very hard to take our attention off of those thoughts.

They're very sticky.

They're very,

They're about survival,

Right?

That's why our brain is very binary in that sense.

This feels like it's about survival.

And so every time that we go through all of the steps,

Right,

Again,

Sometimes it's just something small and you can take a few breaths and it's like,

I see,

I saw what's going on.

And you just take a few breaths.

And yeah,

You kind of move on.

But when it feels a little bit stronger,

Like you really do need to go through the steps of really acknowledging and accepting,

Allowing what's here and investigating.

Because every time we are able to label what it is,

It's guilt,

It's the fear of a mistake,

Of looking stupid,

It's the disappointment,

It's the fear of the unresolved relationship.

Every time we can label what it is,

The moment we do that,

We start to pull ourselves back from it.

And we are dialing back some of the fear in our brain.

And when we're dialing down some of the fear,

What's coming back online is our prefrontal cortex,

The part of our brain that helps us think rationally,

That helps us pay attention,

That helps us solve complex problems,

That helps us manage our emotions so we can go,

Hey,

Settle down back there,

Amygdala.

Like,

It's okay,

It's not the end of the world.

And so it really helps us to be able to see more clearly what's going on.

Because the more we stay lost in the thoughts,

The faster the thoughts spiral,

The more the fear gets whipped up in us.

And our brain,

In that state,

It cannot perceive the difference between reality and what we're imagining as a threat.

And so everything,

You know,

What it is that we're thinking about feels like a genuine threat.

And we know what this is like,

It feels so genuinely real.

And it is hard to put these thoughts down.

And it is why mindfulness is so important,

That we bring it to,

You know,

Whatever,

Whenever we're having that feeling that something's not quite right,

When we're feeling a little bit,

That sense of unease,

And yet we are perfectly safe in our environment.

Ah,

Recognize what's here.

That's the first step,

You've got to recognize,

And then go through the remaining steps,

Until you can get to the point that,

Oh,

No thought created me,

That's not me,

A representation of me that can sometimes be useful,

When used wisely,

When used sparingly.

But when we spend too much time up there,

We start to identify that that is reality.

And that what is reality is not reality.

So while we are perfectly safe in our home,

We're perfectly safe driving in our car,

In our minds,

We're imagining some nightmare.

And yet,

An hour before we said what I wanted more than anything was peace,

The peace is here.

The peace is here,

It's just that our attention has left it.

And so to keep that in mind,

On the pushing back,

That we are activating the stress response.

And the stress response,

It was meant to come on quickly and go off quickly,

Like you either got away from the tiger or you didn't.

But in this way,

It just keeps going on and on and on,

And we get more and more exhausted,

And our thoughts become more and more exaggerated.

And yet the whole thing feels so believable to us.

So we've got to remember our practice of mindfulness of RAIN.

And not just on the pushing back,

But also on the desire side as well,

On the wanting side,

Because that's just as believable.

And this,

This is where we're tapping into a different survival system,

The motivation reward pathway.

So this pathway,

That's meant to give us the focus and the motivation and the energy and the drive to go and find food sources,

To go and find watering holes,

To go and find a shelter,

To go and find mates,

That's meant to get us to go and do things that will help us survive,

Gets hijacked by our thoughts when we think,

No,

I need the chocolate cake,

Even though I'm completely full.

Or I need the new car,

Even though my car is only a couple years old.

Or I need the next promotion,

I need just a little bit more money in the bank,

I need a little bit more praise.

It's turned all of these things into survival for us.

So we get so laser focused on something.

And of course,

What also happens is stress will start to come into that as well.

Because what if I don't get it?

What if I don't get the praise?

What if I,

You know,

Now I'm fearing the criticism?

Or what if I don't get the promotion?

What if they get it instead of me?

And so just in fantasizing about something,

Just,

Just,

You know,

Oh,

I'll just be so happy when I get over there.

We're so believing in what the thought created me,

Is imagining happiness over there,

That we don't even realize how unhappy we're feeling in this moment.

Because it is creating still a certain amount of contraction of agitation within us,

That we don't even notice we're so focused on what it is that we want,

We don't even realize no,

Actually,

I mean,

Every time we say I want the new car,

I want the new this,

I want the new iPhone,

I want the new computer,

I want the new outfit.

There's a belief that it's going to bring me happiness,

There's a belief that it's going to bring me to the state of contentment.

But it never does,

Because this isn't a system for a contentment.

It's a wanting system to go and get things that we need to survive.

And this is why all of our houses are filled with all these things that we got,

Thinking they would bring us happiness.

The whole time lost in these fantasies,

Thinking of where happiness is going to be out there,

Missing the peace,

The ease,

The contentment that is right here and now.

So I would also just encourage,

Mindfulness isn't just for the problems,

It's not just for what we're pushing back on.

It's also on what it is that we're wanting.

And in and of itself,

If you want a new promotion,

If you want a new car,

If you want the chocolate cake,

In and of itself,

Those are not bad things.

So I'm not saying that we do nothing,

But that we keep bringing ourselves back.

So maybe you're working for a promotion at work,

And you do want to make a little more money,

And there's nothing wrong with that.

Or you want to push yourself to learn to be,

You know,

It feels good.

I mean,

There is a good feeling from growing in the knowledge and being able to do something at the next level.

There's no problem with any of that.

But if we're endlessly thinking that our happiness is going to come from getting that,

Then we are just setting ourselves up for disappointment.

So it's okay,

I find,

It's okay to have some goals,

Hold them very loosely.

Like,

Yeah,

Let's kind of work towards those things,

That would be fine.

But the peace,

The ease,

The contentment that we answer to,

In what it is that you most intrinsically want to feel,

Is always available here.

And now,

It's not dependent upon anything outside of us.

And so I also,

And I've recommended this before,

And I will recommend it again,

It is good for us to schedule doing nothing time.

Because we're not very familiar with what this state of ease and contentment feels like.

We tend to imagine,

You know,

We imagine ourselves as peaceful.

That's not peace,

Right?

That's imagining me as peaceful,

Imagining myself as contentment.

That's not peace,

That's not ease.

So we're not very familiar with what this state really is,

With this state of not wanting to add anything on,

Not wanting to push anything away,

Of really being okay in this moment of feeling whole,

Of feeling content.

And so the more that we can schedule some time,

And just start small,

Three minutes,

Four minutes,

Five minutes,

Right,

Just to begin with,

Maybe after our call,

Maybe after we hang up the live,

You think,

I'm going to practice four minutes right now.

So use your insight timer,

You're on it right now.

So use your insight timer,

Set the meditation bell for four minutes,

Not to meditate,

Right?

Just to be,

Right?

That as you're sitting here,

Hear what sounds are arising and changing.

Notice what you're seeing,

Right?

Notice what's around you,

Right?

Feel where you are,

Feel your body.

If you're sitting,

Feel yourself sitting against the chair,

Feel how your back is,

Feel your shoulders,

Feel the body,

Notice what's here.

And know that you will be practicing mindfulness still,

Because it doesn't take long.

We're so,

The default is to not be okay in the present moment.

Let's,

Oh,

I don't like this.

I need to add something else on to this.

So noticing that,

Ah,

There it is again.

There's the thought created me wanting to add on something to this,

Right?

There's the thought created me thinking about,

Imagine if I do this every day for the next 20 days,

And then I build up to 10 minutes,

20 minutes,

And then imagine how peaceful I'm going to be.

It's amazing how lost we get in these fantasies,

Right?

That's the thought created me again.

It's trying to include itself in it.

And the thought created me cannot be here.

It's not its nature.

Peace is not its nature of the thought created me,

But reality me,

Presence,

The nature is peace.

The absence of the thought created me.

So just recognizing that,

Recognizing it with mindfulness to keep bringing your attention back,

Keep bringing it back,

So that you start to get familiar with too,

Recognizing,

Yes,

The peace was never gone.

My attention kept going,

Right?

It's like in the sky or the sun,

Right?

The sun,

Or the sky,

Sorry,

The sky always there,

But the clouds just moving through it.

And then the clouds part,

And you're like,

Oh,

There's the sky.

Well,

It was never gone.

And it is 100% the same with our sense of peace,

With our sense of ease.

It's always here,

But the thought created me gets all of our attention.

So the more that we can practice,

Just building time into our day,

Where you're just sitting,

Just a few minutes at a time,

Don't go for anything too big.

But again,

It's not a meditation.

It's because even that is kind of doing something.

I mean,

Depending upon what type of meditation you're doing.

But it's teaching us to notice how quickly our mind,

How quickly our attention goes up into our thoughts,

Right?

It's getting into that habit of noticing it and then starting to trust the peace because we are so used to that agitated state.

It's such a familiar state to us that almost it feels uncomfortable when we're away from it for too long.

Because it's like,

Oh,

No,

I better get back to the agitation.

I mean,

Surely somehow all this agitation was keeping everything together.

And that's what we believe.

And so we don't really trust the peace of the present moment.

So we just build it in slowly and practice,

Again,

More mindfulness as we're going about our day.

I mean,

Always bringing in the mindfulness,

Noticing when the mind's running a little bit too fast,

It's already off to the next thing to keep bringing it back.

And again,

Not to say that we're not ever going to be able to think,

But that we're thinking more clearly,

Right?

Every time we bring it back,

And it's like,

Oh,

Okay,

I do need to think about planning for something.

I do need to think about what I'm going to do next on this.

Okay,

But now it's not in this agitated state.

And so it's still thinking,

But the quantity of the thoughts goes way down.

And then the quality of the thoughts goes way up.

And so more discerning of our thoughts,

Being more skeptical of our thoughts,

Really shining a spotlight under what it is that's happening,

Not without any judgment,

No judgment whatsoever,

Because it's just,

That's what's happening.

So just noticing it,

Pulling ourselves out,

So that we really can ride the ups and downs of life more easily,

Because we're always getting both sides of the ledger,

Right?

Some relationships are a little better than others,

You know,

Or maybe work's going really well,

And yet,

You know,

Yet one relationship is a little bit off,

Or health's a little bit off,

Or health is going really well,

Or maybe something's going on at work.

It's always shifting.

It's always changing.

But I would say that 99% of what we are thinking about in the thought created me is just,

Is not happening,

Will never happen,

And never did happen the way that we are perceiving it that's happening.

Most of our suffering,

Most of our agitation,

Most of our attention is self-created,

Is thought-created.

It's just how we're perceiving things.

And of course,

I'm not denying also that yes,

Things do happen that aren't so,

You know,

That arguably are bad things.

We lose someone that we love.

We did get fired.

And we are really sick,

You know,

Something,

You know,

Something really is happening.

But if it's not happening now,

The worrying about it isn't helping.

And in fact,

The more,

If you have the conditions,

And I believe that most of us have the conditions.

Not everyone in the world has these conditions,

But most of us have the conditions where we really,

We truly are safe.

We are okay,

You've got enough friendships,

Of if you really needed some help,

Some support,

You've got someone there that you could reach out to,

You can always come on our sangha,

Of course,

You know that we will always be here for you.

And you have a roof over your head,

You've got some food in the fridge.

We've met the conditions of survival.

We live in pretty good conditions most of the time,

We do still have things that go wrong in our lives.

But often the thought created me will want to come in here and kind of use that as an example to say no,

No,

No,

No,

No,

You should be thinking about these things.

I would argue the more that you are present,

The more that you are feeling at ease,

The more that you are here with what's happening,

When the conditions do get very bad,

When they do change,

That we handle it far better than we would have fretting all the way up to it,

Saying,

I knew that was going to happen,

So I worried for the last five years about it.

So it doesn't make us weaker.

It doesn't make us dumber.

You know,

In fact,

If anything,

We are just,

I would suggest,

Our best versions of ourselves.

We respond appropriately with what's happening.

But most of the time,

What we're dealing with in the thought created me isn't happening,

Is not going to happen,

And never did happen.

It's just how we're perceiving things.

So I would,

Like everything,

I just offer this,

See for yourself.

Do the practices,

See for yourself.

If it doesn't lead you to feeling more peaceful,

More at ease,

Abandon them.

If it does lead you to feeling more peaceful,

More at ease,

Continue.

Continue prioritizing,

Reprioritizing,

Making sure that presence is at the top.

Your mindfulness is at the top.

And the thought created me is to be questioned,

Not to be denigrated,

Not to be killed,

Destroyed,

To be investigated.

Hold it up.

Every now and then,

It's got some good advice.

And I think it's a healthier environment when we're more present.

We spend,

Not more,

But we spend more time with our attention out of the thought created me,

And here and now with what's happening.

That the more that we're able to be here,

And then when those thoughts do arise,

It's genuinely about something that needs our attention.

And we're able to handle it more skillfully,

With more wisdom,

With more compassion.

Because the reality is,

There is nothing on the other side of this moment.

It's always this moment.

If you can't find peace,

The peace that is always here in this moment,

No amount of thinking is going to get you there.

Because eventually that future moment will arise,

And it will just be the present moment again.

So if what you want,

If what you want most,

And I genuinely believe that we want is some variation of the word peace,

Contentment,

That sense of feeling whole,

That sense of feeling at ease,

Right?

If this is what we want,

Then we can't give the thought created me the priority that it has been given.

And the practice,

The tool that we use to help us keep it in check,

Right,

Just to keep it in check,

Is mindfulness,

Right?

And of course,

Self-compassion is a mindfulness tool and self-inquiry,

All of the practices that we have.

But to keep holding our thoughts up,

The thought created me,

Up for investigation,

See what holds up,

Whatever holds up under the scrutiny,

Okay,

That needs your attention.

Great,

Now you can handle it more skillfully.

Feeling from a place of feeling safe,

From a place of feeling at ease.

So it is,

I find it just that reprioritizing makes such a difference,

Such a difference in how we feel day to day,

Moment to moment.

And to get out of this idea that peace is somewhere in the future,

Because it's just not.

It's just here,

It's just our attention that keeps leaving.

So keep noticing that.

So every time you catch yourself and your attention leaves the thought created me,

Notice how your attention opens up to what's happening and how much richer and how much more interesting life is.

Because quite frankly,

The thought,

The stories of the thought created me are quite boring.

They're monotonous,

They're sort of repetitive and monotonous.

And they're just,

They're just keeping us in a state of agitation and fear,

Which is really quite sad,

Given that for many of us,

That's not representative of our conditions.

So the peace is here,

It's now,

We just have to keep pulling our attention away from what's taking it from us,

Taking our attention away from it.

Okay?

So,

Okay,

I will go to some questions.

You're very welcome,

Ruth.

I just want to see.

So Stephanie,

Yeah,

Worrying isn't a good thing.

Yeah.

It contributes to sickness and takes over because the worrying,

Again,

The worrying is activating the stress response.

So,

I mean,

We can be worrying about getting sick,

And in fact,

Making ourselves sick in the process.

Because as I said,

The prefrontal cortex gets shut down.

But also because stress is,

It's a massive shift of resources in our body to help us deal with the threat,

Which,

You know,

Typically we had to fight,

Run away or freeze from.

A lot of us fighting and running away.

So it's a massive shift of resources,

You know,

To give us kind of this superhuman strength in that moment,

The,

You know,

Go,

You know,

Just to stay laser focused on the threat,

Get away from it.

And so every time we get stressed,

Our immune system gets drastically reduced,

Drastically.

Its activity,

It kind of gets,

It's like a lever gets pressed on it.

Because we were more likely to die in the past of bleeding to death.

You know,

The infection would come later.

And so every time we get stressed,

We have a release of sticky blood platelets,

Because we were more likely to die from bleeding out.

And so,

You know,

We're not dying today of real tigers,

We're dying of paper tigers,

All the paper tigers that we're carrying around in our heads,

Right?

Heart disease,

Heart attacks.

And so,

Yeah,

I mean,

It's not good for our body,

Our reproductive system gets greatly inactive,

Because,

You know,

You're dealing with a threat,

Don't,

We don't,

Your body's not putting a lot of energy into,

You know,

Digesting what you had for lunch.

It's like,

No,

We've got to reallocate resources.

I mean,

It really,

It's not,

It was never meant to be a chronic system.

It was meant to be an acute system on,

Off,

On,

Off,

On,

Off.

But the worrying just goes on endlessly,

Right?

Because there you can't run away from it.

They just keep building up and building up and building up.

And then what happened with just like one little thing,

Like one little thing,

I burnt the toast this morning,

Right?

And maybe your partner said something to you about it.

And then that starts building,

And then the traffic starts building,

And then your work,

Your boss is a jerk,

Right?

And just keeps building and building and building,

And everything starts to become a threat to us,

Everything starts to become something to fear.

And yet we're walking around perfectly safe.

It's just the way that we're perceiving everything.

So yeah,

The worrying,

Worrying doesn't,

You know,

Endless worrying does not help,

Right?

Does not help us.

Oh,

So off topic,

But Philippe is asking,

Yeah,

I did post all this.

I decided that I would do,

I haven't done it for a long time.

I used to do this class,

This series called Peaceful Minds for Busy Lives,

And it was an introduction to meditation and mindfulness.

And it's a good course,

And I have a lot of the individual classes up on Insight Timer.

And I decided January 1,

I'm going to go through the seven weeks of it,

Where,

So it will be instead of this sangha.

And even though like someone like you,

Philippe,

And many of you that have meditated for a long time,

I do think it's still a very,

It can be very beneficial to go over these things again.

I do talk a lot about the different brain systems,

Stress,

The default mode network,

The motivation reward pathway.

I use five different mantras for five of the classes to help us see how the mind keeps taking us away.

So in this way,

I'm using peace as not.

I've always been rather fond of the negation pathway,

Not saying what I am,

Because we can't say what we are.

And anything we say that we are is a just thought created image.

So I go through each of the mantras as well.

So it's a good basics of meditation,

Of mindfulness,

Of understanding why our thoughts get so sticky,

Why they get so exaggerated,

Why our minds wander in the first place,

Like what's the survival benefit in that.

So I've just decided that I will do it again.

And so I thought,

I've got the first class listed on January 1,

Which is a Thursday.

And then we'll do every Sunday from there.

So yeah,

I just thought it would be kind of,

You know,

I haven't done it for a long time.

And it's January 1.

But even for those of you that have been practicing for a long time,

Sometimes just coming back to the basics too is,

It can be very helpful to feel like,

Oh man,

I thought I was doing that right.

And okay,

You know,

So it's,

Yes.

So to answer your question,

That will be taking over the sangha for those weeks.

Oh good,

I hope you can attend,

Philippa.

Oh,

Thank you,

Julie.

Thank you for the donation.

Thank you.

Okay,

I'll go back.

I know there were a lot of comments.

I could kind of see them out of the corner of my eye.

Okay.

Paula,

Good to see you.

And Stephanie,

Good to see you as well.

And Jackie,

Good to see you.

Oh,

Thank you,

Aviva.

Thank you so much.

Yes,

Stephanie,

And I'll just,

Oh Randolph,

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

I don't use,

Yeah,

I'm not an affirmation,

You know,

I don't teach affirmations,

Because I don't want to say that I am anything.

Anytime we're saying,

And again,

I'll just tell you,

This is what I,

You know,

How I see things.

So if anyone takes offense from this,

I apologize,

But I'm just kind of showing you,

And I'll tell you why.

Anytime I'm saying,

I am love,

I am peace,

I am enough,

I am at one with the universe,

I am consciousness,

It's in relationship.

I am in relationship to something else.

Who do you think is saying that?

It's the thought created me.

Reality does not need to say what it is.

And this is why I find the negation path so helpful,

Because I think we get so easily lost in saying what I am,

And thinking that I can turn the thought created me into that.

You can't.

The thought created me,

A separate self,

The ego.

Its nature is separation,

Right?

I'm thinking about myself,

What I want,

What I don't want.

I've created a separation,

And I see myself as an independent,

Inherently existing self.

And I see myself as the center of the universe.

This is the way the thought created self sees itself.

Its nature is,

I believe the nature is lack.

I've never seen it where it's not lack.

I need something to happen to feel whole.

I need something not to happen to feel whole.

It's always setting something up.

And so,

Anytime we're saying,

I am something,

That is this thought created me.

It's never going to turn into reality.

So,

It does beg the question,

Who's hearing this?

Like,

Do we imagine that reality is hearing this and going,

Oh,

I am,

Oh yeah,

I am,

I am this,

I am that.

It's not reality,

Because there is a reality here,

That there is a Stephanie here,

A Philippa,

A Meredith,

Not as an independent,

Inherently existing self,

But as an interdependent,

Interconnected,

Impermanent appearance.

And so,

Anytime I start saying what I am,

That's just the thought created me.

And so,

The more that we recognize what we're not,

Remember,

It's the attention goes up into the thought created me.

But once we go through mindfulness,

The RAIN acronym,

Self-compassion,

Self-inquiry,

It's about seeing,

Oh,

That was just an appearance.

That was a more illusory appearance,

But not me,

A representation of me,

But not who I am.

And so,

What I am,

And again,

Even when I say that,

Like an interdependent,

Interconnected,

Impermanent being,

That's the nature,

That's the nature of what's here.

But to say what this truly is,

I mean,

I don't know.

What I do know is always changing.

What I do know,

It is absolutely interdependent with every,

You know,

All of you,

With the weather,

With what I ate earlier,

What's happening in my neurochemistry,

What's happening with my hormones,

What's happening with the internet,

What's happening with the dogs,

What's happening with my family,

Like all these things,

Like,

Yeah,

That there's nothing here acting independently,

Right?

But the moment I start saying,

I know what this is,

And I,

And again,

The nature,

Whenever… the nature of existence,

Of reality,

Our reality is peace.

It's always peace.

And we can know this for ourselves.

Every time we come out of the thought created me,

Every time we recognize it kind of going on,

And it's pushing back on something,

Oh,

No,

No,

No,

I'm right,

Or this,

Or whatever it is it's doing,

And we can recognize,

Who is that?

Who is it that's upset?

Who is it that's bothered by that?

And we question it,

And we can't find it,

And we're like,

Oh,

Man,

A moment ago,

I felt so bothered.

And now it's okay.

And there's maybe a feeling,

Still a residual feeling,

But it's like,

Yeah,

Because everything's always changing here.

And then,

But what always happens,

That every time you come out of a thought created me,

It's like this,

Oh,

You know,

We're all wound up in the thought created me,

And then it's just,

Oh,

Oh.

You hear the sounds,

And you see the sights,

Oh,

And then you see the bird,

And you hear the bird that you didn't hear a minute ago or see because you're so lost in something,

Oh,

Wow.

And there's just a feeling of wholeness again,

Because the thought created me is separation,

Lack,

And then,

Oh,

I feel okay again.

Yeah.

Everything's all right.

The peace is here.

And then later,

We go back up into,

Oh,

Because now I lost it.

I got to get back to it.

How can I get more of it?

How can I recreate those conditions?

Oh,

Who is it that needs to recreate those conditions?

And it's to come back.

So I find,

I find,

Personally,

That it is much better to see what I'm not,

Just to see every time I get lost in that.

And that has given so much,

There's so much letting go in that,

Because you do start to trust this more.

And there's also,

As I've talked about in many classes,

Too,

There's just a seeing,

Like,

When you're no longer thinking,

Commenting,

Narrating on every little thing.

And not to say that thinking completely ends,

Or even that the separate self completely ends.

But when you're not kind of always trying to get somewhere,

Right?

And there's just the sense of ease as you move through the day.

And maybe the thought comes in about,

Oh,

I'll be so happy when you see it,

Just,

Oh,

Yeah,

Yeah.

You know,

And it's just,

Oh,

Yeah,

The peace is here.

The thought created me makes happiness dependent upon something.

I,

The thought created me,

Need to be something.

I need to become something better.

I need to be more spiritual.

I need to be,

I need to be more love.

I need to be more peace.

And so it's trying to become something it is not.

And so I find that that hasn't been effective here.

Now,

If it's,

Whatever works for everyone,

Of course,

Definitely go with that.

Definitely go with whatever works for you.

But you asked,

You know,

Do I,

That I said something about not using affirmations,

Right?

I don't use affirmations.

Now,

Mantras,

And even the mantra is not saying I am something.

And what it says is peace.

So the mantras,

The five mantras that I give in the course are peace is not chasing,

Peace is not resisting,

Peace is not judging,

Peace is not comparing,

Peace is not narrating.

So it's a way to point us to something,

Saying peace is not these things.

It's the absence of these things,

So that we can catch it when it's happening.

Because the challenge for us is that our attention leaves what is here,

And goes up into the thought created me.

So if we can catch all the ways in which it's doing it,

And it's doing it in some very,

Very similar ways,

Right?

Very familiar ways,

And all kind of maybe slightly different stories,

Different plot twists,

But in the same mind movements,

In the overarching mind movement of I need something,

I need something to be happy,

I need to push something away to be happy.

So always in those overarching.

And the more that we catch it,

It's just about seeing that,

And you're free of it.

And the peace is here.

It's not to become peaceful,

It's not to become more of something,

It's not to say I am everything.

Because unfortunately,

That's the thought created me,

That loves to say,

Oh,

But I'm everything.

Now I'm everything.

And every time it says that,

It can kind of feel good for a few,

Oh,

I'm everything,

I'm everything.

It's landing in the wrong place,

Right?

So the ego kind of,

Oh,

Look at me,

I'm everything,

Right?

And it kind of starts to build this character around,

I'm everything,

Right?

But remember,

It can only sustain itself in relationship,

You won't last long there.

Eventually,

Someone's going to come along and say something,

And we're going to be like,

I'm everything,

How dare they say that to me?

I'm so peaceful,

I'm so realized,

How dare they say that to me?

Right?

Or just we remember something we did,

And we think,

Oh,

I was everything a minute ago,

But now I feel like a loser again.

And so what I would say is catch that,

Oh,

I'm not that.

Use mindfulness,

Recognize,

Accept,

Investigate,

Nurture,

No separate self,

No separate self,

Just no thought created me.

We don't even have to make the no self that difficult.

Because literally,

It is just,

I'm not the thought created me.

I don't have to split myself in two.

There is no separate,

Independently existing inherent self.

And yet,

This self loves affirmations.

It loves to pretend it's something.

And it can do it for a little bit,

But just see how long it lasts for.

Right?

And so yes,

Filippa,

Just what you're saying,

They're very popular,

Very popular,

Because it gives the separate self something to do.

I'm going to become this.

And it helps us just stay lost in the trance of it.

And we get fooled.

Oh,

No,

But I'm becoming something.

And Stephanie also,

I did do all that stuff.

I did it in the 90s.

I did do it.

I followed law of attraction.

I did the affirmation.

So I'm not even saying this that I didn't do those things.

I did them.

And not only just in my own experience,

But I see it in others.

I see when people are walking around with affirmations,

You know,

They have to have it tattooed on their arm,

I am enough.

Right?

I mean,

That's telling me right now,

You're believing you're not enough.

Right?

And there's a polarity,

I'm enough,

I'm not enough.

Right?

And so it's not to see yourself as either polarity.

Because the relative world is polarity.

But it's not to identify yourself as any of those things.

Right?

This is the big challenge is the identity.

You know,

I am love,

I am peace,

I'm enlightened,

I'm spiritual.

That's just another identity.

And any identity is not who you are,

Because it's an image.

And I do find a lot of spirituality caters to the thought created me.

So see for yourself.

This is always,

Always,

Always,

Always see for yourself.

Right?

I'm sharing what works here.

I do it very much in the context of Buddhism,

Because that has been such a helpful path and non duality.

And but we really do all have to walk this path ourselves.

And some things I say might resonate,

Sometimes it might be planting a seed,

Some things you might just disagree with completely.

And that's okay.

Right?

Because sometimes,

You know,

We just had to walk a different path.

Robert,

I'd love for you to give a little more where you're saying thank you for lowering my ego,

Which is harming me.

Oh,

By ignoring me,

I think I hear what you're saying.

Yeah.

Harming you because you're ignoring reality,

Robert.

Yeah.

Okay,

And I will go back again.

Although hang on char,

I want to see what you put here.

I'm good to see you.

Char,

Very great point.

We can't control our thoughts.

We and you can't control the first thought that comes up.

None of us can like we have Julie and I got together the other day.

And we were kind of talking a little bit about this stuff.

And yeah,

You know,

There's like might be a first judging thought or something like,

Don't beat yourself up for it.

Like this is the conditioning.

So you know,

Sometimes we have a little judgment,

Maybe towards something.

But at that point,

Then it's the recognition.

Oh,

Oh,

Yeah.

Hang on a minute.

Yeah,

They're just their causes and conditions.

Like,

You know,

They're just their causes and conditions.

We can still have opinions and we can still comment on things.

So I don't think that we can say,

Oh,

I can't think about anything.

But don't,

Again,

Don't make any identities out of it.

Just no identities around it.

Yeah,

So we can see when the attaching starts getting in when the thoughts continue,

Like that initial thought,

You're not going to stop it.

The initial thought.

So yeah,

Angie,

I'm not,

I'm not a fan of Louise Hay's work.

It's just,

It's,

It doesn't resonate here.

It doesn't resonate with what I've just said to you.

Doesn't mean that if it works for you,

Fantastic.

But I'm just,

I'm not a fan of affirmations.

Oh,

But hang on,

I want to go back to your other point here,

Angie,

Where you said,

Don't affirmations create new neural pathways,

Therefore using them creates new thought patterns,

Emotions.

I mean,

What it's creating is just another way of seeing yourself as something separate.

If I'm saying,

And just feel free to put another affirmation in there if I'm using the wrong examples.

If I'm saying,

I am love,

I am love,

I am love.

I'm imagining myself as love.

I'm probably imagining if I'm love,

I'm imagining also everyone loving me.

I'm imagining things going perfectly,

Right?

Because there's got to go,

I've got to kind of add on to it.

You got to keep adding on to it.

So what I would say is it's just keeping the new,

First of all,

Those neural pathways aren't as strong either.

The,

What we might say,

I'm going to use quotes like the negative,

Let's say the,

Or hang on,

Not negative,

Or fear-based,

Let's say fear-based things.

Those neural pathways are really strong.

When they get laid down,

Something happens,

Something traumatic gets laid down,

Our hippocampus has a greater propensity to lay down.

You know,

It's the retrieval of long-term and short-term memories and also the storage of them.

So the more fearful type experiences that happen to us get laid down very,

Very strong,

Very,

Very quickly because it's about survival.

It's about survival.

So those tend to be much,

Much stronger,

First of all.

But what I would say also,

If I am saying,

If I am saying I am love,

Now I'm still dancing in the world of polarity.

I will eventually get to the point and I'll say,

I'm not love,

Right?

If I'm saying I am kind,

There will be a time where I'm not feeling particularly kind.

If I'm saying I am everything,

There will be a time when I'm not particularly feeling of everything.

If I'm saying I am enough,

There will be a time when I'm not feeling enough.

So we're still dancing in the world of polarity,

Of opposites.

You're not going to land and stay on one place.

That's why what it is that we're doing here,

At least what it is that I'm teaching here each week,

It's not about getting caught up in what you think you are.

It's about seeing what you are not.

Because in the absence of that,

There's being.

And you can't put a name on it.

You can't say it's something.

I mean,

Even because we have this idea,

We have these images in our mind of what it is.

Like,

I'm trying to improve myself.

I'm trying to become better.

I'm trying to become this better version of me.

And you can't become… this isn't about becoming something.

Right?

That's the trap.

That's the mistake that we make.

And I did that talk many weeks ago about how we've conflated self-help with and self-improvement with spirituality.

It's not about improving the self.

If I can have high self-esteem,

I can have low self-esteem.

Right?

If I can have,

You know,

Confidence,

What you're saying,

Alice,

I can be unconfident.

You know,

We're dancing in the world of polarities there.

It's about seeing I'm not that.

I'm not that.

And it doesn't mean that things will still play out.

You know,

You'll still have preferences.

I mean,

I always joke,

I still like Coke Zero.

You know,

And I'm not saying there's anything here.

What I'm saying is there's a lot more time not stuck in that,

And a lot more seeing of what it is.

A lot more being,

Actually,

That's probably a better way of saying just being.

Not having the burden of,

What does everyone think about me today?

Did I get liked today?

Did I get praised today?

Oh no,

I got criticism today.

You know,

What do I need to feel more secure when I'm perfectly secure right now?

Right?

Think about how much time we spend trying to feel more secure and safe when we are perfectly secure and safe right now.

Like,

It makes no sense.

It makes no sense.

And so,

What I'm trying to teach is don't attach yourself to anything.

Don't think that you are this thought created me.

It's still the ego,

The separate self.

It's not the reality of who you are.

And one day it appears as I am love,

And the next day it appears as I am unworthy.

Neither of those are you.

Right?

And so,

It's like,

Neither of that's me.

Oh,

Not me.

And then in there,

In the recognizing what I'm not,

The peace,

Oh,

Phew.

It's so much easier easier to move through life without this burden of needing to be something.

And it doesn't mean,

So again,

I think we set up this idea that somewhere along the self-improvement,

The spirituality,

I'm going to become someone that never makes mistakes.

I'm going to not want Coke Zero anymore because surely that's not very spiritual.

I'm never going to say anything unkind.

I'm going to be endlessly giving and endlessly forgiving and have endless amounts of energy to do everything for everyone.

And that's just not the case.

You still make mistakes.

Sometimes the wrong words come out of the mouth.

And if an apology is needed,

An apology is needed.

But a lot of the time it's just,

Oh,

That's not me.

That's not me.

Oh,

Because you're going to make mistakes.

People are going to be unkind.

People are going to see you as,

You know,

Again,

We have this idea that when I'm so enlightened,

Everyone's going to notice.

Everyone's going to see me that way.

They're all going to treat me different because I'm very,

Very special,

Right?

I've achieved this very,

Very special thing,

This magical state.

And then we get so upset the moment someone doesn't see us that way,

Right?

It's like,

Because your ego set up this construct that this is what it is.

Because whatever you can imagine this to be,

Whatever you can think that this is,

That is not it.

You can't think yourself into this.

It's seeing that the thinking that creates the thought created me isn't me.

And along the way,

You know,

As we kind of follow this path to find what never left us,

Right?

This is the joke in the end.

Never left us.

It's just our attention was somewhere else.

We were identifying with something else.

And along the way,

There are just numerous pitfalls.

And I know Filippa joins with me on this,

Probably Alice,

You too,

And Monica,

You know.

You know,

We all fall for it.

Julie,

You and I were talking about it the other day when you were at my house.

Like,

We all fall for it because it's the separate self,

Right?

And it just,

It's kind of like in spirituality,

I feel it's the last place for it to hide.

It's the last place for it to hide.

But it does fool us for quite a while on the way,

Right?

Oh,

I'm going to be more spiritual.

I'm going to do my hair differently.

I'm going to wear different clothes.

I'm going to get some tattoos.

I'm going to,

You know,

I'm going to be this whole new different me.

And it's just the ego pretending.

It's just the ego pretending.

Pretending to be something.

And so when you see it there,

When you see it there,

You know,

It's kind of,

Not that it doesn't still come in and catch us off guard,

Because it does,

It'll still catch us.

But it doesn't,

You don't get caught,

At least I find,

For where,

What I find is when it does catch me off guard,

It's not for very long.

It's,

There's a catching it pretty quickly and applying the tools,

All of the tools that I'm suggesting,

Right?

Mindfulness,

Self-compassion,

Self-inquiry,

Compassion practices,

Meditation,

All of these things,

Not to get attached to any of these things,

Not to make an image out of any of these things,

But they keep you seeing what you're not.

And just in,

Into your point here,

Sorry,

Hang on,

Michelle,

To your point,

Isn't everything just perception except truth?

Well,

First of all,

Everything the way we're seeing is perception.

Yeah,

We're all seeing,

You know,

It's all just perception.

There is an absolute reality here,

But don't try and get caught up in it in truth,

Because if there's truth,

There's false.

Be mindful of the polarities.

There is an absolute reality that all of this is taking place in.

I don't want to name what,

I don't know what it is.

I don't know what it is.

And I know in some traditions,

They will name it.

I know there's,

I know that in presence,

Not being caught up in the thought created me,

There is an awareness.

Right?

And then the moment I start perceiving,

Oh,

What's that I'm seeing over there?

What's that I'm hearing over there?

Now I'm,

Ooh,

I'm kind of twisting it around again,

Right?

And I'm starting to make it about me,

Right?

And so,

And however I'm perceiving it is based on how I'm feeling in that particular moment.

How did I sleep the night before?

Did someone just do something nice for me?

Did someone just do something unkind for me?

Is one of,

You know,

Are one of the dogs sick?

Am I,

You know,

Am I losing someone that I love right now?

Am I,

Did I just get a big bill?

Did I just get a cactus in my finger?

You know,

Whatever it is,

Right?

Whatever I'm perceiving is based on billions of different causes and conditions.

And out of that creates this perception that's always changing,

Always changing.

And the perception of me,

So really Angie,

To your point also,

The perception of me always changing.

How I feel about myself one moment,

Right?

Maybe everyone gave me praise and I opened my bank account and someone gave me a thousand dollars or,

You know,

And I'm feeling great and everything's good,

You know?

It's like,

Great,

That's the,

So I'm seeing myself,

Man,

I'm great,

I'm set for life.

And then 20 minutes later,

Something changes and you kind of come off of that a little bit.

Oh no,

I'm not set for life.

No,

Now something's bad again,

Right?

And it's seeing that almost like kind of like soap bubbles,

Not getting caught up in it.

Because it's just always how you are perceiving yourself,

How you're perceiving the situation.

And so at best,

At best what we can do,

So Michelle,

To your point,

At best what we can do is to come out of,

To try and get out of our self-centered perception,

Using mindfulness,

Self-compassion,

Self-inquiry,

To be able to then investigate what's going on to try and find the most skillful way forward that doesn't cause harm,

Right?

In Buddhism,

Our number one thing is don't cause harm,

Right?

If you,

But you're still going to cause harm,

Right?

I mean,

Even inadvertently,

We're still going to do it.

So not to say,

Okay,

I came out,

I used mindfulness,

And I was then able to investigate the situation.

And now I have the truth of it.

I don't think that there's an absolute truth that we can ever have to it.

But I think the more that we get out of the self-centered view,

The more clearly we have a better sense of what's going on.

And perhaps a good way to move forward,

But not the right way,

Not the absolute way to move forward in a particular situation.

So Angie,

There is just this moment.

I mean,

That's all there is,

Is this moment.

And we kind of say,

Is that it?

That's all there is?

But in this moment,

My God,

There's a trillion things happening in this moment.

I mean,

Think of what is happening,

You know,

That got you to this,

That got you to this moment,

Or even,

Sorry,

Probably not think about that.

But yes,

We're going to think here for a moment,

Because we need to be able to communicate somehow.

So,

You know,

It's like you hear the sounds,

You know,

And you and you're seeing the sights and seeing a little bird and you realize like,

Man,

They're aware of me.

And it's kind of,

You know,

My interactions affecting their interactions and,

And there is a sense of wholeness and a sense of ease.

It's just easier.

It's not,

I do think there's this perception of the present moment being so boring.

I mean,

The drama of me,

Of my story is so boring,

Is so,

Is so uninteresting.

And yet the present moment is very interesting,

Because it is so open,

It's so expansive,

It's so spacious,

And there's a lot happening.

We're not seeing all the little things that's happening.

We're not hearing the different sounds,

Right?

We're so fixed in our little what,

Oh,

What am I going to get?

What do I want to get?

We don't really see what's happening.

We're not hearing what's happening and just things appearing and changing moment by moment,

No two moments the same.

This is why I suggest,

And why I suggested in the practice,

In the talk,

To spend some time just doing nothing.

Just a couple minutes to start,

Because the default is to go up into our head.

That's just the default.

We're used to doing it.

We're conditioned for it.

It's just the default.

And so just spending a few minutes and seeing for yourself how,

How,

You know,

Monica watching the bird,

How entertaining that can be,

How good it feels when you don't need to get anything out of the bird.

You're not saying,

I hope the bird stays.

I hope another bird comes.

I need the bird to move over here.

You're just watching,

Just seeing.

There's a great saying by St.

Francis of Assisi,

What's looking is what you're looking for.

Don't think about that too much,

But what's looking is what you're looking for.

There is a unique experience that's happening for each of us.

And what's looking is what you're looking for.

And yes,

Very much,

It's like a Zen koan.

And Zen koan meant to stop the chatter of the ego,

The separate self.

Don't think about it too much.

I even have another saying for myself,

Because I'll do that.

And then I'll start to think about it and I'll go,

It's not a problem if I don't think about it.

Yeah,

Because it's always trying to,

But,

But,

But,

But,

But.

And then see for yourself how life goes.

You still show up when you're supposed to show up.

The preferences,

Things that you liked,

Mostly,

Mostly some of the things that you did to distract yourself from being,

Those,

Those things do fade away.

You'll lose interest in some things.

You'll mostly lose interest in you.

Thank goodness.

What a burden it's been.

What a burden.

Thinking about ourselves our whole lives.

What a burden.

Hasn't brought us happiness.

Hasn't brought us safety.

And again,

I just want to balance out.

I'm not saying that we don't ever think,

And it's helpful at times.

But as long as we're very clear,

That's not me.

There's nothing at the end of this.

There's,

There's,

There's nothing I could get in the next moment that's not available to me right now in this moment.

Sure.

Some conditions are a little more pleasant than others.

Of course,

Of course.

But it's the chasing the pleasant and the pushing back on the unpleasant that creates so much of the self-created suffering.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Stephanie,

I think Jane Goodall.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Living with the gorillas.

So D,

I think Filipe answered.

I,

And I'm just going to add on to that because thank you,

Filipe.

That was a great response.

It will keep coming back,

D.

It'll keep coming back.

It's going to be relentless for a while.

Don't get attached to the,

We tend to get attached to that state of like,

Oh,

The freedom of not being burdened by the ego.

And then we think it's going to stay that way.

Don't think that.

Oh,

You're back.

You're back.

Okay.

I recognize you're back.

Let me breathe into the tension.

Let me investigate.

What was I thinking about?

I was thinking about how I was much more peaceful yesterday.

I'm not feeling so peaceful today.

Okay.

Those are the conditions.

Those are the conditions.

I'm just not so,

So much.

Again,

We have,

Especially when we're really wound up in the separate self,

In the story of whatever the story of me,

Whatever it is that's going on.

And we have that moment that something kind of,

The story shuts off,

Whether you did mindfulness,

Self-inquiry,

Self-compassion,

You come on,

You're on a talk and something kind of shuts it up for a bit.

And it's like,

Whew,

There's such a big release,

Such a huge release of that contraction.

And then we get very attached to that state.

And then inevitably,

Because we don't always feel great.

And I mean,

For those of you that are a little older,

I just find I don't,

At 60,

I get aches and pains.

Sometimes my energy drops off on something.

I just don't feel particularly good.

And we kind of think,

Oh,

Something's wrong,

Something's wrong.

And so the separate self wants to go out and go,

Oh,

Something's wrong.

You're not feeling good.

But it's just recognizing like,

Yeah,

It's just old age.

I don't have the energy I used to have.

I sure don't.

And it's just accepting like,

Yeah,

Okay,

I don't feel great.

I don't need to attach a story to it.

Right?

Or if a story starts to attach to it,

I can see it very quickly using all the tools I'm telling you,

Mindfulness,

Self-inquiry,

Self-compassion.

You just,

You see it again and again.

And you're like,

Yeah,

I just don't feel great.

No problem.

But when we're not feeling good,

And then the separate self comes back and goes,

Oh,

Dee,

You were so present yesterday,

Dee.

You were so together.

And now you're not.

You suck at this.

Right?

This is what it kind of starts to,

The story starts to build from there instead of just recognizing,

Oh,

Just not feeling great.

My energy is a little bit low.

You know,

A little bit of a pain in the back.

Okay.

Yeah,

Maybe I can lie down for a bit,

You know?

Okay.

Don't push back on it.

And just to also,

Dee,

As well,

We're not controlling any of this.

We're not controlling the awakening process.

I mean,

We're not controlling any of this.

And we get a little,

We kind of think I can force this sooner.

And not realizing in that forcing,

In that grasping at it,

We're just back in the separate self.

And so just to recognize,

Oh,

Got a little lost.

I'm not controlling this either.

Right?

And with that,

In that giving that up,

Like,

Oh,

Okay.

It's okay again.

It'll come and it'll go.

It'll come and it'll go.

It does start,

And I do find,

There's just what's happened here,

Is that it's,

You'll spend more and more and more time and less caught up in it.

It'll still come,

Because I do feel there's a,

Especially in the body,

I think there's kind of a remembering of the stress,

Of the fear,

Of the anxiety that just doesn't go away right away.

And so the more it's just kind of recognizing,

Yeah,

That's just,

You know,

There's just some residual stuff here.

There was such a habit of self-loathing,

Such a habit of unworthiness.

It was just,

It was there for so long.

And it just,

Even in,

In recognizing you're not that,

There's still kind of these waves of feelings that come.

And so the more that you can just know,

Ah,

Breathe,

Feel it.

Okay.

Ooh.

The more that you can,

Oh,

Okay.

Ooh,

It's just a wave.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Okay.

I hope that helped,

Dee.

I hope that helped.

And,

You know,

Keep coming,

Keep coming to the Sangha classes,

Because this helps.

It helps to hear the message again and again.

We're overriding a lot of conditioning that,

That supports and feeds the separate self,

The thought created me.

And so hearing this as well,

And just,

Just being a little bit,

I do find on this path,

Don't take it quite so seriously either.

I think that can work against us.

I mean,

There does need to be a certain amount of effort as well,

But don't,

Don't hold too tightly to anything.

Go easy on yourself.

Okay.

I'll just go back to see if there's,

Um,

Oh,

Sorry,

Katie,

That you can't see the chat,

But you were able to type in the chat.

I don't know what's going on with it.

I will just say again to anyone,

I don't know how many of you do this on your phone or on a laptop,

But if you're on a laptop,

It works best with Google Chrome.

Okay.

So I think we probably covered a lot of it here.

If I didn't get to your questions,

I just want to say,

I think the conversation,

In fact,

I've gone back as far as I can and it'll only let me go back so far.

So I apologize.

Sometimes I get a little stuck in the,

Um,

In what's coming up,

You know,

And then I can't get back.

So.

Yeah.

Oh,

Thank you,

Stephanie.

Thank you for the donation.

Oh,

And you've had to log in and out too,

Alice.

I,

I,

Um,

They are doing changes and upgrades.

I mean,

This whole format is in the last few months is new.

So yeah,

I guess just bear with them as they're making changes.

So sorry about that.

Um,

So yeah,

Let's,

Let's go ahead and bring us to a close now.

And,

Uh,

And just,

Uh,

To remember just,

You know,

We've got to change our priorities.

We can't keep putting the thought created self ahead of reality of me.

And,

And,

And if you're very clear on what it is that you want,

Peace,

Contentment,

Something along those lines,

Then presence,

Mindfulness,

Got to be higher than the thought created me.

Right.

And just catch it when you can,

You know,

Don't beat yourself up.

Doesn't matter how long it took us to catch it.

You finally caught it.

Right.

And,

And the more that you do that and start,

And you're really being more than thinking about being,

Being something that just feels,

It's just easier.

It's just easier.

It's better.

And you'll start to,

Um,

You know,

The,

The,

The stories of the self and me will just,

They really,

You'll start to see how flimsy they really are and just how unkind and cruel they are to us.

All right.

You'll lose interest in them.

You'll lose interest in it.

And the,

And the present moment,

Then you're here.

It's far more interesting,

Far more interesting.

So,

Okay.

So thank you guys.

Thank you,

Philippa.

Thanks,

Patricia,

Libby.

Thank you.

Thank you,

Robert.

Oh,

Thank you,

Catherine.

Thank you,

Angie and Helen.

Oh,

First time here.

So glad you were here,

Helen.

You're welcome back anytime.

We do meet every Sunday and,

Um,

Oh,

Nilofar,

Thank you.

And Paul,

Monica,

Always good to see you.

Um,

Catherine,

Michelle,

Good to see you.

Thank you guys for the donation.

I so appreciate it.

And,

Um,

Oh,

And Julie,

Thank you.

The weather's quite nice today,

Isn't it,

Julie?

Julie lives down here in Baja as well,

Relatively speaking,

Relatively speaking.

So,

Um,

Yeah,

Yeah.

I think we're kind of getting into the better weather now.

So,

Um,

So we will,

Oh,

Fleur,

Thanks.

Oh,

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you for coming.

And,

Uh,

And yeah,

I,

Uh,

I just so appreciative of all of you.

Thank you.

And,

And we will meet again next Sunday.

We'll do this again.

I do record this and I put it up on Insight Timer as well.

So I'll put this up.

So,

Oh,

Thank you,

Heather.

Thanks,

Angela.