The Anatomy Of Change, Self-Care And Success

This program was produced by and first broadcast on Radio Hawke's Bay,

Your community access media station.

Thanks to New Zealand On Air for making this type of programming possible.

Well hello everyone and welcome to It's a Funny Thing with Celine.

I am Celine and I am so happy that you're here today.

What a beautiful morning.

I've just been back from a very long work trip and I came home late yesterday afternoon and I am just getting my bearings now in my home and catching up with my husband and my cats.

I don't know about you but it's always a bit funny when I come back home after being away for a while.

I don't get straight,

I don't get back straight to my old habits straight away.

So it's a time of transition for me.

Anyway,

So I read an article this morning about self-care being an entitled upper class privilege and I wanted to talk about this with you because yeah,

There was a few,

Well let's start at the beginning.

So if you haven't heard of this idea,

It's the idea that self-care and doing yoga classes and doing retreats and paying for online courses for self-development and paying for beauty treatments and massages and all of these things that social media is teaching us to do in order to take better care of ourselves,

It's all a very entitled privilege.

It's upper class and not a lot of people can afford that and amazing that they can afford that but it's not something that everybody can do and assuming that everybody can do that is just a bit entitled.

And yeah,

You're a bit full of yourself if you say,

Oh you need to take better care of yourself,

You need to take some time off and you need to book yourself a holiday away from the kids and away from your work life and you need to go on a five-star holiday.

It's that sort of argument,

Right?

It kind of makes sense and you can get very stuck into the privilege versus lack mindset and that's really the crux of the argument for me.

I want to talk about a few points that I think are important so that we can get out of this argument because it's very limiting and limited in a way.

So I think the foundation of the argument is that you cannot get out of your circumstances.

So you're either privileged and you make a million dollars a year or whatever or you don't.

So you're either entitled to self-care because you can afford it or you can't,

Right?

It's a very black and white sort of scenario.

We know that life is not this way and one thing that I have observed in myself is that what change happened where I am at in my life right now and sometimes it's not pretty.

I've been in some very unpretty places,

Some very ugly places in my life and social media is so clever in the way that it teaches you or shows you just how much you can improve in your life or just how much is possible looking at the way that other people live their lives.

And of course,

They present a certain version and it's very pretty and there's filters and everything and there's just one side but I think that social media can be used in a way that shows you what's possible,

What you can actually create because your very lovely little brain doesn't know that you can make millions of dollars in a year,

In a month,

In a day.

It doesn't know that you can have five cars if that's what you want to do.

It doesn't know that you can have access to an incredible lifestyle and all that's stopping you.

Let's be honest,

It's not social class,

It's not income,

It's not anything but what you think is possible.

And I know that a lot of people will say something against this but I have come to this conclusion time and time and time again in my own life,

In my own reality.

The only thing that is stopping me is my mindset,

Is the belief systems that hold me a prisoner of my own victimhood,

My own victim mindset.

I'll just have a sip of coffee,

Sorry.

I feel like a before-coffee-owl.

So your mindset is the only thing that stops you and when you realize this,

Truly realize this,

You will understand that,

Well,

You will come to a problem because you will be like,

Okay,

So my mindset is stopping me,

Now what do I do?

Now what do I do?

The first step is always to become aware of what's going on in your mind.

So let's take this argument for example,

I can't do self-care because I can't afford it.

Okay,

So the first thing I would have a look at is where you're at in your life right now.

So let's say that this applies to you,

I would have a look at how you're organizing your finances,

I would have a look,

It's very practical,

Right?

It's not just your mindset,

It's also how your mindset is impacting everything that you do in your life,

Every aspect of your life.

So how are you choosing to spend your money?

Do you,

For example,

Scroll on social media in the evening and you're always finding this and that that you want to buy and so your money just sort of goes into this sieve or falls through little holes that you think are making you more abundant but actually you're enjoying this thing once you get it in the mail and then it's just discarded,

Right?

How many times has this happened to me?

I see something and it's a bit out of my means,

It's a bit more than I'm prepared to spend for this particular item,

I like it,

It arrives,

I like it,

I don't wear it and it just goes to the back of my wardrobe and then it's the next thing,

A pair of earrings,

I'm a sucker for earrings,

I don't know,

A nice pair of shoes,

A handbag,

Et cetera,

Et cetera,

Or something for the home,

Something for the house,

A plant,

I'm also a sucker for plants.

So how are you choosing to spend your money?

Are you spending because you want to feel abundant but actually when comes the time to spend or to put your credit card details through in the shop or on the internet,

You're actually feeling like,

Oh,

I probably shouldn't be doing this,

I could be saving this money to buy my own home or something or I could be saving this money to do something that I would really like to do but I can't because I keep spending.

Look at your spending habits,

They will show you a lot.

Spend 10 minutes with your bank accounts and look at all of your transactions in the past two weeks.

What about your transactions doesn't make you feel good?

Look at your transactions and look at the mindset that you had when you were spending on the day or on the moment of the transaction and look at your mindsets when you think about a transaction now,

Is it still the same thing?

Oh,

But it was necessary.

Oh,

But I really needed that.

You probably didn't.

What if you could make do with what you had?

We're encouraged to spend,

We're encouraged to do more,

Want more,

Be more,

Have more.

But did you make these purchases with wholeness?

Did you make these purchases from a sense of true soul purpose?

I'm going to say probably not.

And you can dive very deep into this topic.

And obviously,

We don't really have the time within the time frame of this episode.

We have 25 minutes.

We can also have a look at how you're spending your money.

I know that in my family,

Food is a big hole.

And I know that when Richard and I feel tired,

We're often spending money on takeaways.

And it's not necessarily what I would really like to eat,

But it's what we have the time and energy for.

And it's a complicated mindset.

And I don't want to get into this with you guys.

But I know that there's something there where we're spending because we can and it feels good not to have to cook your own dinner.

And I feel grateful for the people who are preparing our food.

And then also,

When I look back,

I realized just how much money we're spending on takeaways and on evening outs.

And I'm like,

I would also like to spend this money in a different way.

And also,

When you go to the supermarket,

Where are you putting your money?

Is it on lovely foods that is going to make you feel healthy and whole and full of vitality and energy?

Or is it bags of chips?

Is it lots of sugary treats to have in front of Netflix in the evening?

Clean,

Healthy plant-based food is not expensive.

The snacks and all of the processed things that you might buy,

That's expensive.

So have a look at how you can reorganize your cooking and the way that you eat so that you can really make more things yourself.

I mean,

Hummus is so expensive,

But a can of chickpeas,

Or even better,

The raw,

Dry chickpeas that you can soak overnight and then cook the next day,

Super cheap.

Lemon juice and olive oil,

Super cheap.

A little tin of hummus that is going to go bad within four days,

Super expensive,

Full of additives,

Probably maybe full of sugar as well,

Not so good.

So yeah,

It's really down to the little tiny,

Tinny,

Gritty details.

So when you talk about self-care being a self-entitled thing,

You're actually denying yourself the opportunity to move ahead,

To move forward.

You're saying,

I am stuck in my circumstances and I cannot move forward.

And you have this privilege and perhaps your daddy paid for all of your studies and you became really famous in that movie and then you made multi-millions amounts of dollars,

Whatever.

And you got out of your circumstances and it was sort of this miracle,

But it can't happen for me.

But I can't make a change in my own life now.

So my advice to you is look at where you're at in your own life and see where you can make changes.

I go into lots of different people's homes and I see where home is abundant,

No matter how much money the household is earning and where the household is not abundant.

And I think a clear sign of a lack of abundance is the amount of stuff that is in your home.

If you think about a very rich home and it's big and it's got these beautiful windows and it's got stylish furniture,

There's not heaps of stuff everywhere.

It's clean lines,

It's furniture that is spaced in a specific way to make you feel a certain way.

And yes,

There's fancy paintings and fancy glasses and fancy whatever pieces of art,

But there's space.

There's space everywhere.

And yes,

It's related to the size of the home,

But it also makes you feel a certain way.

Now have a look at a two-bedroom house full of stuff.

It's full of clutter.

It's full of things that people think they might have a use for one day,

Perhaps when they have the time and finally have the time to do this,

That and the other.

How does it make you feel beyond any excuse that you might be making?

How does it make you feel?

I bet it's not making you feel as good as the abundant home we were just talking about,

Regardless of circumstances and reality and financial abilities.

It's about how it makes you feel.

All those old clothes that you're not wearing that we were just talking about earlier that you spent money on and you're just not wearing them and maybe you're holding onto it because you want to lose weight and it's something that you're aiming for and it's supposed to encourage you,

But really all it does is to motivate you and make you feel crap about yourself.

Old toys that the kids are not playing with anymore.

Furniture that is a bit damaged.

What can you do about it?

Can you give it a second life?

Can you give it to somebody who's going to have a better use for it?

Can you put it in a different space that has a better use or better function?

What in your life do you need to get rid of?

And I'm not saying put it all in the rubbish bin and get rid of it or put it all in the skip.

No,

Get rid of it in a way that is going to be abundant as well.

Get rid of it in a way that it's going to be something that is going to be of use to somebody else.

No,

Don't just fill the local rubbish hole that you have in your own region.

That's not abundant.

So start where you're at.

Look at your skincare routine,

For example,

Or your morning routine.

Is it rushed?

Are you tired?

Are you exhausted?

Is there annoying looking through your house and you look at all the things that you need to clean?

Yeah,

That's me sometimes.

Absolutely.

Or do you focus on the present moment and do you take five minutes,

Ten minutes to just stretch your body so that you can feel better during the rest of your day?

Self-care really is about investment in yourself.

It's the one apple a day gives the doctor away sort of thing.

Instead of going through your day in an enormous amount of pain or stress,

Catching up to all the things that you have to do and feeling that you're never getting ahead,

That nobody's helping you anyway,

That nobody values you,

That everybody's disrespecting you and you don't have time and everybody wants something from you,

But nobody wants to give anything to you.

You go down that rabbit hole,

Right?

Then you stop yourself.

Wait,

I can do five minutes to stretch.

I can take one minute to do this face massage that is going to help me to feel better and look better.

I can take one minute to smell the roses.

I can take two minutes the day,

The evening before to choose my outfit so that I'm not rushing.

I can do my washing every time I have enough for a load so I'm not rushing and my dirty washing basket is not always overflowing,

Making me feel.

.

.

I don't know.

I can take five minutes to clean my vanity and my toilet every day so that it's nice and shiny.

It makes me feel good.

I can take an hour in the evening instead of watching Netflix to just speak to my partner or just be next to them,

Not doing anything in particular,

Not filling our heads with scenes and ideas and I don't know,

Blue lights.

I don't know what I'm saying,

But I can spend an hour with my husband just connecting with them because I chose to spend this life with them or this time with them and this evening is the only time I can spend with them when the kids are asleep,

Et cetera,

Et cetera.

What can you change about your life?

Now,

You can go very deep into this topic,

Very deep.

And the thing about changing your little habits is that when your habits change,

So does your mindset.

And if you have the tools to change your mindset and you know how to change your limiting beliefs,

Amazing.

Go and do that.

Spend an hour changing something that is causing hurt and pain and an emptiness inside of you so that you can really have a look at what's going on.

If you don't and you don't have the money to do anything about it,

I would suggest to start changing your habits.

And if you have the money to have somebody to help you,

Go and hire somebody who's going to help you because they have more knowledge than you and they can help you because they have been where you're at and they have the tools to help you change that it's going to be more efficient and more quick.

We like to be quick,

We like to be efficient.

And instead of looking at everything that you can do to create a change in your life,

I would just focus on implementing one habit at a time,

One habit at a time.

So what is something that is truly urgent or truly important and essential,

A very simple habit that's going to make a massive difference in your life?

Something quick and easy.

Look for a quick and easy win.

Implement it for 21 days or 40 days and then look for the next habit that you can implement.

And I always think that the best time to change a habit is when you've just come back from a holiday or when you've just come back from a work trip as I have,

Or you've just had a change of circumstances.

For example,

You've moved into a different house,

You've just had a change,

A transition.

This is the best time to implement new habits.

So one thing that we did with my husband when we came back from a holiday,

A very long holiday,

Is that we were always struggling to find time to talk to each other.

So now in the morning and at night,

We have breakfast and we have dinner together at the table.

So we don't eat on the couch anymore.

We don't eat at separate times,

If at all possible.

Sometimes we have different schedules,

But as much as possible,

We have breakfast and we have dinner together.

Even if we don't talk to each other,

Even if we're just eating in silence and just looking at the trees or the cats doing their own thing in the morning,

We have this time to sit together.

It's made a huge difference in our relationship and it's made a huge difference to our digestion as well.

So that's a really easy and simple habit that has made a huge difference for us.

And it hasn't cost us anything whatsoever,

But it's a part of my self-care.

It's a part of something bigger,

Something that's just truly making me happy,

Something really easy to implement.

And of course,

I would like you to let go of the idea that self-care is about expensive massages and five-star holidays on an island somewhere where your every need is catered for.

If you've been in my world for a while,

You'll know that I really dislike the idea that self-care is just about taking care of your physical body and spending hundreds and thousands on your self-care.

Because again,

It's not accessible to everyone yet.

It can be accessible for everyone to everyone,

As long as you keep improving everything that you do in your life.

Because I can guarantee you that there's endless amounts of change that you can implement in your life.

So you can learn to be abundant in everything that you are,

In everything that you do,

In everything that you have and start with where you're at.

So anyway,

I was talking about self-care being just a physical thing that you do and you spend money on.

Self-care is an abundant mindset.

Self-care is not something that you buy.

It's something that you become.

So I'm going to repeat this.

Self-care is not something that you spend money on.

It's something that you become.

It's a mindset.

And you adopt that mindset naturally.

Once you start to change your habits,

Once you become aware of the words that you use,

Once you become aware of the way that you talk to yourself.

Speaking of self-care as massages and holidays,

It's just one piece of the puzzle.

It's one slice of the pie,

Right?

So how are you damaging yourself?

How are you destroying your efforts to do better and change your life?

How are you denying yourself?

How are you discreating or destroying these little moments when you might try to be encouraging to yourself and then you're like,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No,

You're not enough.

No,

You're too fat anyway.

Nobody likes you.

Nobody likes that laughter.

Nobody likes when you do this.

Yeah,

You need to change.

So that mindset,

That's self-care because of,

I mean,

It's self-development or change because of self-hatred.

It's not change,

Change that comes from wholeness and empowerment and positivity and a sense of possibility and potential.

So that is the most important piece,

The most important part of what I want to share with you today.

How are you changing?

Are you changing because you hate your circumstances,

Because you hate your life,

You hate your partner,

You hate your children,

You hate yourself,

You hate your body,

You hate your job,

You hate your boss,

You hate your colleagues?

Are you changing because you finally realized that you can have so much more,

That you can change your jobs,

That you have explored where you could from this current job that you're in and there is so much more available to you?

Are you changing because you can,

Not because you have to?

And that is self-care.

And it's coming to a stage where you're no longer fighting against yourself.

You're no longer fighting against your circumstances,

But you're changing because you've naturally arrived to the conclusion that,

Yes,

This is the next step.

Yes,

I can.

Yes.

What else is available for me?

Yes.

You're finally changing because you can see that the universe is encouraging you and you're naturally moving in that direction instead of being pushed and pulled by the universe because you haven't made the change that you've been needing to make for lifetimes or decades or months,

Whatever.

You're changing because you can,

Not because the universe is forcing you to,

Or not because your soul is begging you for a change.

And I'll leave you with this.

So I'm sending you so much love.

I hope that you're having an amazing day today and I'll speak to you next time.

Bye.

This program was produced by and first broadcast on Radio Hawke's Bay,

Your community access media station.

Thanks to New Zealand On Air for making this type of programming possible.