The Most Powerful Question You Could Ever Ask Yourself

All right,

Let's do this.

Hello,

Beautiful people.

I am super excited that you are here.

Welcome,

Welcome,

Welcome.

Welcome to Radio Kidnappers,

The voice of Hawks Bay,

And you are tuned to your time to shine,

All things self-love.

And I am your host,

Celine Harlow.

And so,

Our topic for today is self-love.

Yay,

Self-love,

What a surprise.

I know,

I know,

I know.

But I want to ask you a question.

What's the point of self-love?

Because listen,

You know,

Self-love is all the hype at the moment.

Everybody talks about self-love,

Self-care,

Self-acceptance,

Self-everything.

Everybody is self-obsessed with self-love.

And that,

Of course,

Includes me.

I sometimes feel like I never talk about anything else than self-love.

And anyway,

You know,

You can type self-love into Google,

And you'll find a gazillion articles and random YouTube videos about how I found self-love or how I managed to love myself.

And,

You know,

And then you'll find a gazillion self-love coaches,

Not couches,

Self-love coaches,

Whatever a self-love coach is.

I would like to know what a self-love couch is.

I can see the jokes coming.

No,

You guys,

Do not make the jokes.

Anyway.

And,

You know,

I want to ask you,

So what's the point of self-love?

What's the point of self-love?

What's the point of self-love?

I don't know.

I want you to tell me.

And so that's going to be our topic for today.

So,

You know,

I have my answer to that because I've been thinking about that topic for a few days,

Years,

Decades,

Lifetimes.

But mostly I want to hear yours.

So tell me,

Why are you interested in self-love?

Why are you listening to this podcast episode right now,

This radio episode right now?

Why do you want to learn about self-love?

What's going on in your life that makes you want to dive into self-love,

Makes you want to learn about self-love?

So actually,

Well,

Because I have a mic and you do not right now,

I'm going to just go straight into telling you what I think about the point of self-love.

But I would like for you to maybe go to my Facebook page or my Instagram page and it's my dawning light,

My dawning light.

And just message me.

What do you think?

What's the point of self-love?

What's the point of self-love for you?

What's the point of self-love for anybody?

I would love to know what your answer is.

Okay,

So let's dive into this topic.

So,

Okay,

I'll be a little blunt.

I think that without self-love,

We suck at life.

I don't know if this is going to be accepted by our producer.

We stink at life.

Without self-love,

We stink at life.

Without self-love,

Life absolutely stinks.

And I'm going to give you three examples to illustrate my point.

So example number one,

When you don't love yourself,

You often heavily depend on other people's opinions to know who you are.

So you might be wondering how to dress yourself and you might be often asking for other people's opinions of,

Oh,

Was I too blunt?

Or,

Oh,

Did I say something mean?

Or what did she think about me?

This is something that I used to do a lot when I was younger.

And it could also look like needing constant approval from others.

And generally feeling unsafe in your body,

Unsafe in your life,

Unsafe with yourself,

Unsafe in your relationship with others,

That kind of stuff.

Example number two,

So when you don't love yourself,

When you dislike yourself,

You might often pretend to be somebody else and you might actually feel like you're wearing a mask.

So you know how sometimes we kind of behave differently when we're around our mother-in-law,

Our parents-in-law,

The bosses,

Our partners,

Our cats.

We kind of have different personalities depending on who's with us.

If we are at a party,

If I am at a party,

I know that I'll behave very differently than what I'm actually,

Than the right Celina or the perfect Celina or the real Celina,

That's what I wanted to say.

And you know,

Sometimes I feel like the only time when I can be myself is when I'm with animals,

And whenever I'm with humans,

It's just so much more complicated.

Cancel,

Delete that thought.

So anyway,

What I wanted to say is that it can be really easy to hide behind what other people want us to be or what we think other people want us to be.

And example number three,

When you don't love yourself,

When we don't love ourselves,

It can be really easy to adopt a victim mindset.

So you know,

You might often say that,

You know,

Somebody else's fault,

It's your mom's fault,

Your dad's fault because they raised you this way,

Or it's your,

You know,

That school friend's fault because,

You know,

They were really mean to you and then that,

You know,

Had a huge impact on your psyche.

And then you learned a lot of limiting belief systems as a result of that traumatic experience at school.

Or,

You know,

It's not your fault.

It's,

You know,

That stupid driver's fault.

You know,

That person who overtook you really dangerously on the highway.

Not that it happened to me recently.

It did and I was so angry.

It was such an erratic driver.

I'm actually glad that she overtook me.

I just didn't want her to be driving behind me.

Anyway,

Moving on.

So what I want to say about example number three is that,

You know,

Nothing that has ever happened to you is your fault.

But the way you respond to it,

That you,

You know,

The way you choose to hold on to,

You know,

Certain things in your past,

The way you,

You know,

Decide to make all of those things your main story,

You know,

I have been abused,

I have been hurt,

I have been criticized,

I don't know who I am,

I can't express myself,

I dislike myself,

I don't love my body.

And all of those things,

Those are just belief systems.

They're not realities.

They're simply illusions.

They're belief systems,

You guys.

Good.

So that was three examples that illustrate why self-love is actually really,

Really important.

And it's not a skill that you learn at school.

It's not something that we are taught.

And we are told that actually,

You know,

When we love ourselves,

Well,

It's,

We're kind of being selfish.

We're being self-centered.

I remember,

You know,

Having a conversation with a friend of mine who,

Who,

And I was telling her about my work and why I was passionate about it and about the people that I was here to help.

And I remember telling,

I remember her telling me that she kind of thought it was crap.

And it was such a shock,

Because for me,

You know,

Self-love is the foundation of every,

Well,

Should be the foundation of every,

You know,

Journey to self-development or self-healing or self-love or whatever.

Self-love should be the beginning of every journey to self-love.

That should be,

That should be what is said on my gravestone.

Celine's best quotes.

Self-love should be the beginning of any and all journey to self-development by Celine Harlow.

Oh my God.

That was the smartest thing I've ever said.

But anyway,

Moving on.

And so my friend,

You know,

Told me that actually she thought that,

Well,

There is something behind,

Beyond self-love and that's the ability to,

You know,

Surrender everything that you think you want from life,

Everything that you're trying to manifest selfishly for yourself,

All the money,

The house on the hill,

The beautiful,

Sexy partner,

The beautiful children,

The perfect job,

Whatever.

And,

And actually she was saying that,

You know,

You can go from all of that selfishness beyond that selfishness and actually step into service.

So how can I help others?

I believe that if you don't love yourself,

Then it's impossible to step into service because you won't be really doing this from a place of true love and compassion and service.

You will be doing this from a place of,

You know,

Fear or resentment.

And I can see this a lot with my clients.

You know,

You know,

I work a lot with moms who feel that they're doing so much work and they're never really recognized for the work that they're doing.

And they're always giving,

Giving,

Giving love and compassion and help to their partner,

To their,

To their family,

To their kids,

To everybody around them,

But they never receive anything back.

So I believe that,

You know,

Self-love really is a foundational stone for a healthy lifestyle,

For a healthy mind,

For a healthy heart,

For a healthy soul.

Ultimately,

I think that self-love really gives you the space to be who you truly are.

And I know that this is a number one question that everybody asks themselves,

Who am I?

You know,

And you can say this with like a really serious tone.

Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?

And,

Um,

And,

And I don't think we can answer that question straight away.

And I think we're actually,

You know,

Um,

We already have this inkling of,

Of who we are and who we truly are.

You know,

If all of the,

All of our stories of limitations and fear and anger,

All of our,

You know,

Traumatic memories,

All of our dramas and traumas were simply illusions.

If we can just accept that or maybe embrace that just for a second,

Then we will see that we are something that is beyond our stories,

You know,

Beyond everything that has ever happened to us.

And then we can step into a true version,

Truer version of,

Of who we are.

And,

You know,

For me,

I always think that,

That I can find that true version of me,

That true aspect of me in my heart.

So,

You know,

You can,

You know,

You can just take a deep breath in with me now and simply just connect with your heart.

And obviously,

You know,

You may want to keep your eyes open if you're driving and,

Um,

Yeah,

Pay attention to where the knife is going,

If you're chopping vegetables right now,

But you know,

You can simply focus on your heart and start to imagine or feel,

See,

Sense,

Visualize that there is a light inside your heart.

And for me,

That light inside your heart,

That light inside our hearts is really the foundation of my work.

And I remember,

You know,

When I did my first yoga class years and years ago,

And,

Um,

It was like a,

You know,

First free yoga class.

And so I was trying,

Um,

All of these different classes with my friend at the beginning of,

Um,

A semester at uni.

And so I went to this yoga class and it was really embarrassing because we arrived quite late and the room was packed.

And so the only space that was left for me was at the front with the teacher.

And I haven't,

I had never done yoga before.

It was so embarrassing.

So anyway,

I went through those motions and,

Um,

And at the,

At the end of the,

Of the session,

Of the practice,

We sat down with our legs,

Cross-legged as you do when our palms facing upwards on our laps,

As you do.

And we close our eyes and the teacher just invited us to,

To place our attention on,

On the heart space,

On,

On the heart space.

And,

And she invited us to dive into ourselves.

I can't remember how she did it.

I can just remember the sensations of it.

And let me tell you when I kind of thought,

Oh yeah,

Well,

I don't really want to do this.

I know what I'm going to find.

It's not going to be pretty.

You guys,

It's not going to be pretty.

And because I'm a good girl,

I'm a good student.

I decided to go with it anyway.

And so I dived deep into my heart and I really fully expected to find something that was really,

Truly ugly.

And that was the extent of how I dislike myself at the time,

To be honest.

But,

You know,

Actually I discovered that there was,

There was something pure inside my heart and I hope it resonates with you.

There was something that was wise.

That was,

That was pure.

I think pure is the best what I can come up with.

That was absolutely beautiful,

Unconditionally loving.

That was compassionate.

That was peaceful.

That was,

Um,

Enlightened,

If you like.

And I believe that you have a light inside your heart as well.

And that is,

You know,

Your dawning light,

Right?

And,

Um,

That's what I want to say about that.

So if you can connect with that,

You know,

Enlightened,

True,

Pure part of you,

Then you will have,

Um,

A better idea of who you are.

And obviously the reason why you want to know who you are is so that you can understand what you're here to do on in this,

In this life,

On this world,

So that you can understand why you were placed at this specific time and space on,

On this earth and what you're supposed to do.

And,

You know,

So many people come to me and ask me,

So what's my life purpose,

Silly.

And then they wait for me to get,

To give them an answer.

I have no idea.

It's something that only you are going to be able to uncover.

And I kind of feel that we are given signs of everything that of,

Of who we are and what we're meant to do in this world.

And we just have to keep following the science,

Keep following the breadcrumbs.

And that will lead us to sometimes a bigger answer or a big epiphany or a big aha moments,

But we just have to keep on following the breadcrumbs.

But I know it,

This is all sounding really woo woo,

But it can,

This is something that I truly believe in.

And I have explored,

You know,

So many different religions and spiritualities and,

You know,

Um,

Mindsets and perspectives on,

You know,

How to see the world and how to live life.

And,

You know,

This is something that has been,

Um,

You know,

Proved true to me again and again,

And again,

And I'm so excited to be able to share this with you.

I think the first step obviously is to,

That you need to let go of everything that you,

You think people want from you or what other people expect from you.

And I know it's easier said than done,

But you know,

Once you're able to truly let go of that,

And obviously it comes with experience and with practice,

Then you can truly do what you're here to do.

Because I believe that,

You know,

When you follow that life purpose,

I said the life purpose word,

When you follow,

You know,

Those breadcrumbs,

Then you'll be invited to step out of your comfort zone again and again,

And again,

And you'll be invited to take crazy kinds of action.

It doesn't make sense for me to be talking about self-love on the radio right now.

You know,

It just doesn't make any sense.

You know,

What if somebody disagrees with me?

What if somebody thinks that what I'm talking about is crap?

Well,

I don't know.

I just have to explain something that is truly important to me.

And that right now is,

You know,

Happening because I have a mic.

And,

And so you'll be invited to take,

You know,

Different pieces of action that are going to take you,

That are going to take you out of your comfort zone.

And sometimes it's going to be really crazy,

Crazy kinds of action.

And sometimes it's going to be just one step out of your comfort zone and another,

And then another,

And then another,

Until you're really becoming who you truly are.

Yep.

I think you really have to,

To be willing to step out of your comfort zone.

I think that's the key,

You know,

I speak to so many,

You know,

Men and women who are in their forties and fifties.

And what I'm fascinated with is to understand people's life stories.

And I'm fascinated by this.

You guys,

I want to understand,

You know,

What people want from life,

What they used to want and how they made concessions or how they made the decisions or what happened for them so that they are now the people that they are now.

And I'm fascinated by this,

You guys,

This is so interesting.

And,

You know,

What mostly interests me is,

You know,

Where people just gave up on themselves,

Gave up on their dreams,

Gave up on anything that they truly,

Really wanted to do because it was not practical,

Because it was too much,

Because,

You know,

They weren't getting,

Going to get paid enough.

You know,

I mean,

So many people who were really wanting to be artists and then they give up because there's this idea that artists do not make money.

Well,

That's limiting belief system.

It's not exactly a reality.

There are artists out there who are making millions from their work and love what they do.

Yeah.

I think you also have to be willing at,

You know,

Looking at the messes and the traumas and dramas in your life.

That's the gift of self-love.

Self-love really is going to give you the ability to look at everything that you are.

So the beautiful parts of you that,

You know,

You're,

You know,

How kind you are,

How compassionate you are,

How giving you are,

How peaceful you are,

How,

You know,

All the beautiful parts of you and also the ugly parts of you.

So,

You know,

The parts of you that are ugly,

That are messy,

That are mean,

That are cruel,

That are resentful,

That are really deeply angry,

That are grieving,

That are sad.

We spend so much time,

You know,

Trying to bury these parts of us deep beneath the surface because they're too much for us to deal with.

Well,

What if we could actually bring them to the surface and love them anyway?

What if you could actually truly unconditionally love yourself?

I believe that's,

It's only when you're able to look at everything that you are,

That you're going to be able to change.

And obviously it's not,

I haven't come up with this idea,

You know,

Fancy people have come up with this idea before me,

But I believe that it's true,

Yeah?

If you're constantly lying to yourself about who you are and what you want and,

You know,

How,

You know,

How hurt and how sad and how angry you are,

Then you're not going to be able to heal and change those parts of you because you're not really acknowledging them.

You're not really giving them the attention that they need and you don't necessarily need to,

You know,

Re-experience that drama and that trauma again.

You simply need to understand why it happened,

What you learned from it.

I believe that these are really important questions,

You know?

So if you have a think about,

You know,

Something that,

Something difficult that has happened to you and have a think about,

Well,

Why did this happen?

If there was anything good that came out of this situation,

Then what would it be?

That is the most powerful question you can ever ask yourself because it places you away from that victim mindset of,

Well,

All of this happened to me and life stinks and I'm traumatized now and I'm never going to be able to be a fully functioning,

Loving,

And peaceful human being ever again.

You know,

It takes you away from that mindset into,

Well,

I understand why this was supposed to happen and I have learned how to be compassionate.

I have learned how to forgive.

I have learned how to accept people for who they are whilst also maintaining healthy boundaries.

I have learned how to,

How to see life for what it is.

I have gained a deeper wisdom.

If you're able to understand the gift,

Then you're going to be able to really move forward from the dramas and the traumas in your life.

And I think,

I think ultimately that's the power of self-love.

That's the point of self-love.

The point of self-love to me is the ability to live life in all of its messy,

Beautiful,

Traumatic,

Sometimes glory.

Yeah.

I don't think that the point of self-love is to,

You know,

Heal our belief systems or limiting belief systems as soon as possible so that we no longer need to experience drama and sadness and anger in our lives.

You know,

I just,

You know,

Got some bad news just the other day.

I,

You know,

Somebody who's very close to me has cancer and,

You know,

I,

I just,

I just,

There's something in me that doesn't want to accept it.

It doesn't make any sense that this should happen to somebody that I love,

But it did.

Can I still move through this?

Am I strong enough to move through this challenge and to be there for my friends?

Can I still do this?

Can I love myself and can I love myself through this challenge?

You know,

I think that's the biggest question.

Yeah.

Bigger question.

So that's what I want to share with you today,

You guys.

I hope that you're doing well.

I hope that,

Yeah,

This level two thing is going well for you and that you're able to enjoy life every single day and that you're able to experience joy and love and abundance and cuddles.

Good.

So thank you so much for spending this time with me.

I really appreciate having this opportunity to spend these 30 minutes with you and I love you.

You are absolutely amazing.

I believe that you can do absolutely everything and anything that you set your mind to and I'll speak to you very soon.

Bye.